deathrooteater

[deathrooteater]

As much debate as there is about tone tags, 90% of the issues would be solved by just typing the word. Like instead of typing /gen or /hj you can just write (genuine) or (handjob) and you'll be doing pretty much the exact same thing.

[deathrooteater]

bloodborne minimalist poster i made for my graphic design class

[deathrooteater]

autistic anger issues are So Much. i have my temper more under control now in that i rly dont yell/lash out anymore but i do regularly boil inside with incandescent uncontainable rage over something inconsequential and then it evaporates in the span of ten minutes. incomparable

[deathrooteater]

✦ Demon of the Moon ✦

I'm so Bloodborne pilled rn after getting the Moon Presence tattooed on my thigh and I just had to fucking get it out somehow

tattoo tax btw <3

Done by iiVdrips tattoo!!

[deathrooteater]

debated on posting this one

[deathrooteater]

i saw a post about parenting just now, and i have something to vent (something not fandom related at all, which is weird for me)

i don't want to be a parent, at least as i am now.

not because i think children are bad or something like that, or even because children are a money sink (which is... not false), and having children in this economy is a very risky proposition.

it is, in its vast majority, bc of my anger issues.

while they are not obvious to just about anyone, i am very easy to irritate. part of it is probably my autism (i highly dislike having my patterns of behavior disrupted by an unknown; for example, i get irritated if i'm in the middle of gaming or working and someone asks me to do something else right there and then), but i don't believe it's the entire cause.

and sometimes, these anger issues express themselves outwardly, such as getting mad and aiming middle fingers the moment i'm out of sight, or saying hurtful things out of anger, or, in some very rare cases, even posing the threat of violence.

this last one is the one that worries me. while i am in therapy, and things have gotten much better (i used to be a jerk as a teen), i think that if i had a child as i am rn, that child wouldn't have a good childhood. i am lacking in patience, i am easy to anger, and i like to make the object of my anger hurt as much as i am. that doesn't make for a very good parent.

however, i also see a lot of people with these same issues still having children. i don't think i am better than them for avoiding bringing children into the world, but rather, i am worried for the kids who didn't ask to be born to a parent who gets mad at the drop of a hat.

one example i can think of is my own dad.

now, my dad is not a bad person; there's a lot of nuance in the situation (particularly bc not only is my dad not a problem the vast majority of the time, but bc he was mistreated as a child himself). however, he suffers from some of my same issues (lack of patience, easy to anger, wanting to exact revenge for hurt), and some others (he's an older man, so he's no longer as able to keep up with children, plus he's got an herniated disc).

i also have two younger siblings.

they are non-identical twins, and they are... rather different in a lot of respects. my younger sister is a bit of a snitch, but she's mostly a well-adjusted girl, even if she sometimes does bad stuff, for reasons i'll explain.

my younger brother, on the other hand, has very strong autism, and it's believed that he may also be bipolar. this is not a problem bc "oh, he's a devil child!", it's a problem bc it causes him to lose control when mad and get violent.

my younger brother gets really mad for the smallest of slights (like his sister being too much of a loudmouth and revealing his crush to my dad and i), and when he gets mad, he starts hitting the source of his anger.

he also isn't your average pre-teen; his height is around 160 cm, and he lifts weights. his punches and hits hurt a lot.

while i have gotten off lucky by never being hit by him, our sister, his mom and our dad haven't been as lucky.

and the worst part is that, after the anger leaves, he always regrets his actions. and it's obvious this whole thing is hurting him, and i worry.

as for our sister, she sometimes acts out in bad ways bc their parents focus so much on our brother (which makes sense, even if it's not the best thing) that she feels left aside. and i also worry.

where does my dad factor in all this? well, when my brother hits my dad in anger, my dad gets mad right back. and while he restrains himself from hitting his own son, he can get very rough in restraining my brother.

thankfully, it seems my brother's therapist has managed to get through to my dad, and he seems determined to try to be softer in his approach.

back to my own issues, it seems i got a lot of my worst problems from my dad (tho some are also my mom's, as expected), and i know a few things: i don't want to be to my own child what my parents were for me (despite them trying their best), and as such, i don't want to have children until at least i have a better handle on my emotions.

ofc, parents fuck up all the time, often without noticing, but i want to be the best possible parent to whatever creature i bring into this world.

and yet, it seems a lot of people didn't seem to get the memo. i hear and read stories about abusive parents every day, and it's depressing to know that people brought someone into life to yell at them or hit them. i don't want to be that, and in an ideal world, no child would be born like that.

sigh.

[deathrooteater]

having such an obvious favorite character trope is life ruining bro

[deathrooteater]

You inspired me to pick up Spanish again. The Beeb Worms are rooting in

I send you memes in spanish to encourage (and one Portuguese so you'll be able to see the power spanish brings for other romance languages)

[deathrooteater]

Bloodborne’s Great Ones 100x100 Pixels Complete Collection

(The size posted are blown up to 268 pixels because I wasn’t sure how Tumblr would warp them. If you want to see them in the original 100x100px check out their original posts)

[deathrooteater]

Your are the monarch of a historical/fantasy kingdom, who perished many years ago and your name is only written down in recorded history, know only to future generations.

Out of the 130 options in the picker wheel here (all are gender neutral),

And yes: there is a 'no epithet' option in there.

I got The Oathtaker.

[deathrooteater]

just out of reach

[deathrooteater]

Beebo is set in a fictional country right? Just checking

Nope, Chile

[deathrooteater]

You are faced with some random problem and the only person who can help you is the main character from the last piece of media you consumed (you can also do favorite character if there are multiple main characters). You can stay in this universe or be in the universe of the character, whichever you prefer, but the problem remains the same and the only person who can directly help you is the main character. That character can call on the help of those they know in their media, but when it comes down to it, they are the only person really helping you. How do you react to this situation?

Spin to find out your problem:

[deathrooteater]

Beebo is set in a fictional country right? Just checking

Nope, Chile

[deathrooteater]

Spin the wheel. You are now dating this Elden Ring boss.