deadlyunicornsofspace

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

Alien: how did you humans survive long enough to form a functioning society? You have no claws, sorely lacking physical strength as a species, no physical defenses…

Human: we just walked quickly after things that were faster than us until they died or got too tired to run away anymore and accepted death.

Alien: what the he-

Human: Yeah, badass, right? There’s a reason we’re top dog on Earth.

Human: *trips over own feet, gets foot caught in a bucket, yanks ladder down onto self trying to stay upright, falls in a pile of limbs and pain*

Alien: …are you sure

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

Bad: Aliens who are bewildered by basic aspects of human society like cooking food and wearing clothes, implying that no similar practices exist anywhere else in the universe.

Good: Aliens who regard human society as largely unremarkable, but if questioned it rapidly becomes apparent that their understanding of the motive and purpose of various human cultural practices is subtly yet bizarrely askew.

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

we are the jack harkness of the universe

Nah, nah, nah, Humans might turn out to be the Deathworlders or the Pack-Bond-To-Everything species, but I’ve got an idea what we’d be.

The thing I’ve heard most about Breath Of The Wild is that everyone wants to bang the shark guy.

The thing I’ve heard most about Mass Effect is that you can seduce all the aliens. (And that the ending for the third game was bad, I don’t know, I never played it.)

You see a picture of an alien,(or an elf or an orc or whatever) and there will be a comment somewhere of what said alien would be like in bed.

That’s our role in the universe- that no matter how strange the species, there is a human somewhere who will try to seduce them.

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

♂: I am a boy who has a crush on you

♀: I am a girl who has a crush on you

⭐: I am a nonbinary person who has a crush on you

✂: Just delete your tumblr already

✌: You’re awesome

♡: I love your blog

❁: You’re beautiful

🌸: You’re attractive

✓: I hate you

☹: You’re ugly

☀: I want to fuck you

♬: I wish we were close

♧: I wish we were friends in real life

☆: I relate to a lot of the same things you go through

☮: You inspire me

☾: We should kiss maybe if you wanna that’d be great

✖: I would give you the greatest hug

★: I’m scared to talk to you but I think you’re great

∇: You’ve changed urls/icons so much that I don’t remember who you are

○: I don’t remember why I follow you

��: I wish I could help you but I’m not sure how

✨: You’ve taught me things

⚓️: I wish you’d take better care of yourself

©: You’re a bit problematic

™: You’re a cinnamon roll

❄️: I cherish you

🌙: Please post more

💫: We don’t talk much but I wouldn’t mind being your friend

♪: You’re very talented

∀: I don’t understand you

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

- you think people are ready for contact with us?

- let’s try their drinks

- wow l i q u i d 

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

Another humans are weird idea

I read two hours worth of aliens interacting with humans and all the humans can explain the situation somehow. Why we do things, why we don’t do things. Why we react in a certain way,etc. 

I have no idea if this already exists but here’s my idea: What if the human has no idea what is going on with the other human? Or how to explain, repair things because it’s not related to their workspace. 

“HumanSusan, why does HumanThomas stab himself with this thin obect?” (Needle)

“He probably suffers from diabetes.”

“What is diabetes?”

“It’s the lack of a certain protein in the human body which we need to function properly. He needs to inject insulin otherwise he will die. But it’s a common porblam so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Could you explain this further?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m a mechanic not a doctor. If you want to know how the human body works go an talk to a human doctor. They’ve studied that shit for years.”

or

“HumanJack. Am I correct that you are a scientist?”

“Given the fact that I work in the labor I would say yes. Why?”

“Could you spare some time and explain how it’s possible that two human with blue eyes have a child with brown eyes?” 

“Look….. I am a physics scientist. I can build you a laser in no time. I can use the formula for mass time acceleration if I have to but don’t waste your time with asking me about the human body. I hated biology my entire life and will hate it untill I die…………….. Also I’m pretty sure that this is not how genetics work.”

or

“What happened?”

“Some wires inside the computer braised.”

“Can you fix it, HumanTed?”

“I’m a nurse not a electrician.”

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

Constellations

this has probably already been done but, oh well.

But what if humans are the only species to have constellations?

Like, aliens categorise stars, but don’t make patterns out of them?

“Look, K’roth, Andromeda! That was always one of my favourites”

“Ah, do humans also call stars “constellations?” or is that just an American-human way of saying it?”

“No? It’s the constellation, Andromeda. You don’t know what constellations are?”

“No, Human-Jake, I appear to be unfamiliar with that terminology.”

“Well, a constellation is a a group of stars”

“Like a cluster, correct?”

“Well, no. They make a pattern. A lot of them are named after our myths. We have loads of them, and different places have different ones.”

“Ah. So they are another way of categorising stars.”

“I guess? Yeah, I think so. I mean, we used to just think they were pictures in the sky. We named them after things we thought looked like them, even though they don’t really look like them.”

“You Humans are truly different”

it’s such a human thing.

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

My roomba is scared of thunderstorms

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

A) have you watched the videos yet, please don't reply until you have as otherwise I have no way of knowing when you have (if you are about to get mad about my reasons for this please read my last reply) (if you about to get mad at me assuming you might get mad and preparing for the possibility, Kindly don’t waste my time doing that)

B) I mean, it completely stopped mass shootings, but yeah, sure. that’s nothing

C) all of the links in the post you tagged were broken. 

okay, so Im seeing a lot of gun control stuff lately,, and honestly so much of it is so dumb. people who are trying to defend anti gun control are missing the point entirely, going with things like, if you see a person with a gun then what are you gonna do? shooting them saves people and thats why we need guns. 

thats a dumb retort

do you know why?

because in the scenario where you guys actually enact gun control, people will not be breaking into your house with a gun.

don’t say it won’t work, because it does work. it has worked. 

look at Australia, look at England. gun control works. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pOiOhxujsE&t=0s&index=1&list=PLOKWcH1zBl2kfnCwyyZWk5MW28lgaNa7L

this is all I am going to say on this 

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

well I'm discussing gun violence specifically, and trust me it has gone

d

  o

    w

       n

once again did you watch the videos? they explain way more/better than I ever could about it. 

okay, so Im seeing a lot of gun control stuff lately,, and honestly so much of it is so dumb. people who are trying to defend anti gun control are missing the point entirely, going with things like, if you see a person with a gun then what are you gonna do? shooting them saves people and thats why we need guns. 

thats a dumb retort

do you know why?

because in the scenario where you guys actually enact gun control, people will not be breaking into your house with a gun.

don’t say it won’t work, because it does work. it has worked. 

look at Australia, look at England. gun control works. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pOiOhxujsE&t=0s&index=1&list=PLOKWcH1zBl2kfnCwyyZWk5MW28lgaNa7L

this is all I am going to say on this 

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

this is hugely messed up, stay safe

hey uh? i dont really know if this is real but im? kinda both scared and disgusted rn? even if you’re not muslim if you could spread this? i dont know how many muslim followers i have but, please, stay safe?

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

Bad: Aliens who are bewildered by basic aspects of human society like cooking food and wearing clothes, implying that no similar practices exist anywhere else in the universe.

Good: Aliens who regard human society as largely unremarkable, but if questioned it rapidly becomes apparent that their understanding of the motive and purpose of various human cultural practices is subtly yet bizarrely askew.

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

okay, so Im seeing a lot of gun control stuff lately,, and honestly so much of it is so dumb. people who are trying to defend anti gun control are missing the point entirely, going with things like, if you see a person with a gun then what are you gonna do? shooting them saves people and thats why we need guns. 

thats a dumb retort

do you know why?

because in the scenario where you guys actually enact gun control, people will not be breaking into your house with a gun.

don’t say it won't work, because it does work. it has worked. 

look at Australia, look at England. gun control works. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pOiOhxujsE&t=0s&index=1&list=PLOKWcH1zBl2kfnCwyyZWk5MW28lgaNa7L

this is all I am going to say on this 

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

introducing me

hey, so I've realise that most of you probably know nothing about me, so here’s the introduction that nobody asked for

my name is Megan, all of my friends just call me maagoo (I am the one person only known by nickname)

I use she/her pronouns but I honestly don’t care call me whatever.

im a proud ace/pan demiro, and preferences towards girls (have you seen them? women are just freaking beautiful) I have a tendency to just say that I'm gay, or queer, to make things easier though.

im v. autistic, and pretty sure I'm adhd, though that one isn’t official.

I'm hella a Slytherin, but Hufflepuff also holds a special place in me

I adore musicals, and lately I've been getting really into les mis and wearing shirts and don’t tell Timmy.

I binged shadow hunters over the course of like three days not long ago, and that was pretty lit.

I like to draw, and in fact you can find my art insta @ themaagoodraws, and on my Tumblr I post less but any that I do post is tagged #themaagoodraws. considering starting an art side blog? what do you guys think?

I run both @hao-aceakura​ and @deadlyunicornsofspace​, hence why this is posted on both, and I am starting a writing blog over @5amandhighlycaffinated​

at some point I really need to start drawing some comics I have planned based on irl events because I have some wild tales to tell.

rick riordan is my fave and honestly idk what else there is to tell about me other than how fucking inactive I am.

sorry about that

I need sleep, it’s 3 am

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

saying you’re asexual isn’t cringy

saying you’re aromantic isn’t cringy

saying you’re demi/gray isn’t cringy

saying you’re sex repulsed isn’t cringy

saying you’re sex positive/neutral isn’t cringy

A-spec identities aren’t cringy

but having a blog dedicated to bullying people for their sexual/romantic orientation?

now That’s cringy

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

You know what I want? As we’ve established that humans are a race of terrifying omnivores - eaters of chillies and coffee and chocolate - I want Earth alcohol to kick space alcohol’s butt. 

Like I want aliens to be up there going like Winky on buttobeer. Sipping on their malt wine and fermented grains/berries. And sure, they may have great tolerance for that stuff, maybe it just gets them lightly buzzed and then they come down to earth. 

And at first they find it very amusing. Earthlings, getting drunk off downing a couple of very teeny glasses of some clear liquid.  Then one of them makes the mistake of trying vodka. and it knocks them the fuck out. Like waking up in your bathroom with a new tattoo and feather boa on kind of knocked out. And after that humans become much more terrifying. 

“They make alcohol out of everything”, one alien whispers to his stunned friends, “and then,” He pauses to create a suitable air of horror “They mix them together.” 

[deadlyunicornsofspace]

the species of spite

okay, so this has probably been done elsewhere, but relatively recently I found out that other animals don’t do spite in the same way humans do.

so do aliens?

imagine if revenge is an entirely new concept for aliens, and the tiny ways that we enact it? entirely new.

lets say that one crew member (a) really hates another (b) and so one day b does something, and the next day when they’re doing to get chocolate milk or something, all of the loops that you pull to open them have been cut. and alien (c) is like: how could this have happened?

b storms off and a comes in laughing.

c is really confused because why are they laughing? there must have been some kind of malfunction in the chocolate milk!

a explains that it was them ‘to get back at b for not returning my hair bobbles the other day’

and c just? but how does this help? surely you could just talk to them about it?

a) that isn’t how war works c

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sorry this is kinda short and shitty, but I haven't posted in an age, and figured I should get back to it, sorry I've kind of fallen off of the website but I have my French gcse in less than two weeks (save me) and am currently kinda dying.