ddearddigitalddiary

[ddearddigitalddiary]

why am I so stressed about this guy being my friend or not. He’s my Boyf’s bestie, they’ve been buds for years. He has absolutely zero common sense when that’s what I need for our relationship to flourish. He’s multiple years older than me. I’m brainyears ahead of him. He acts a fucking cool every time he’s around me. I’m not fully comfortable around him. I feel he is not being himself ever at all at any time. He never has a bone of originality and does not take action when he needs to but takes action when he doesn’t to. He steals ideas and makes them his own, he doesn’t have his own identity or voice. His independence is extremely lacking. He doesn’t bring me up. He doesn’t bring me positivity. I don’t like that I have to withhold my aura and energy around him.

[ddearddigitalddiary]

positions: Stoned Favorites

OOooooookay. She did it to me again. It’s the fact that everytime she drops an album it’s at a point in my life that’s nearly aligned with the lyrics and emotion. It’s the same shit with Taylor’s works. Either that, or I’m a normal human being like everyone else who relates to lyrics and music and makes it personal. :) Anywhoo, Ariana dropped this album today and I’ve already listened through about 15 times from start to finish. No skips for me. I think this is one of the most beautiful pieces of art she’s released. It’s 100% the most mature sounding piece vocally that she’s heard. She said in her Zach Sang interview that this album she just wanted to sing more than she normally did before in her era of bops. And giiiiirl did she DELIVER. Switching positions here now. 

Here are my favorite parts and favorite things about the sexy, flirty, fun, vulnerable, gooooorgeous art that is positions by Ariana Grande:

shut up: gorgeous freaking way to start the album. LOVE the strings. Classic Ari opener imo. okay yeah, favorite part of the song is the strings. in the chorus on the second round when her voice does the descending scale *chefs kiss*. and then the fantastical disney princess ending faded/tuned out intooooo

34+35: *giggle* JUST GIMME THEM BABIES. this song is my first favorite from this album. beautiful ass strings and it’s a song about 69ing. GIMME MORE. i been drinking coffee!! and i been eating healthy!! you know i keep it squeaky!! saving up my energy!! *for sex*. favorite part of this song by far is this beautiful, sexy ass BRIDGE- baby you might need a seatbelt when i ride it, ima leave it open like a door come inside it, even though i’m wifey you can hit it like a side chick, don’t need no side dick no, got the neighbors yelling EARTHQUAKE, 4.5 when i make the BED SHAKE, put it down heavy even though it’s lightweight, we started at midnight, go til the sunrise, done at the same tie, but who’s counting the time when we got it for life, i know all your favorite spots, we can take it from the top, YOU SUCH A DREAM COME TRUE TRUE, MAKE A BITCH WANNA HIT SNOOZE OOOOOH. and then the autotune at the end is just cherry on top. 

motive: this BEAT give it to me MURDA. in the pre-chorus when the highhits come in, yes. and then into the beat drop on the chorus YES. whats your motive mmmmmmmmm. Doja’s little voice slurring up notes into her verse i just heard it listening to this and it was beautiful. literally music to my ears lol.

just like magic: OKAY THIS SONG IS A FAVORITE. using it to manifest moving forward thank YOU, 10:44 as i write that. love every single thing about this song. every thing. especially this bomb pre-chorus, chorus combo.favorite part is that white noise before the second chorus though. I take that moment to say a little thank you to the universe <3 - redesign your brain, we gon make some new habits!

off the table: Ari+Able=Unstoppable. The vulnerability here. I’ve cried listening to this song. Thank you for this one Ari. *not yet healed or ready* that part is me lmao. i’m waiting for the abel character to enter my life now lol that’s where i’m at in relating to this song... love’s off the table at the moment but i feel universe brewing up realness

six thirty: this one worked its way up to a favorite. i’m in loooooooove with this chorus and the beat behind it and her runs and her her note jumps and the harmonies. Are you down? what’s up. favorite part of the song - and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be, i’m the release you the dopamine~ 

safety net: this is my fave collab on the album i think... they’re all tied closely together. But this song gives me a nostalgia vibe, a taste of like a darker, sweeter, richer kind of vibe. Her voice also is buttery and raspy and so mature sounding and it’s just a new song from her and a new sound from her. and i feel like right now i’m just entering a ‘new’ in my life so this is the one i’m relating to the most. I just click with it the most. 

my hair: and this one gives me Vulnerable Diva which i feel is a slight summary of Ari. not that she’s negative diva - she’s only ever the positive aspects of Diva. Icon. Pop Queen. The Moment. give me that electric guitar. favorite part is her whistles matched with the horns it’s too beautiful. i’m a sucker for some classical instruments, jazzy, concert. and the fact that she does literally a full chorus in whistle? EXCUSE ME?????? untouchable. 

nasty: again, grew to be a favorite. knew it was gonna be from the clip on insta though. every thing about this one is just cuddling and tickling my heart. don’t wanna wait tonight i wanna get nastyyyyy whatcha waitin fo. her voice and the lyrics and the beat and the chimes in the background. it’s a dream. the echoing. her vocals uggghhhh. *promise ima give it to you like you never had it, i do it so good it’s gon be hard to break the habit, you like a whole constellation, swimming like you on vacation, promise i’m still gonna love you when you wake up in the am*

west side: instant fave - again the nostalgia. I feel like NSYNC in this one. favorite of this one is just the simple “meet me on the west side fooooo me”. it’s that bass that’s making me feel the boyband. and her little ride on the beat on the chorus, with those harmonies on the ends of the phrases. just let me be in your life like tht, be your wife like that, i’ll bring the light right back, i’ll bring the life right back.

love language: when i first heard this song, that intro hit me HARD and good. this is another like throwback-y, i love it. the piano and strings, give it to me. ‘you the medication when i’m feeling anxious, that the kinda shit i like.’ AND THEN THIS OUTRO OMG YES. i ain’t tryna sign no lease, i’m just gon make you my home - intooo 

positions: !!! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS AS THE LEAD SINGLE AND THE TITLE SONG AND UGH EVERYTHING. fell in love with the song immediately. learned every word by the next day just like i’ve almost done with the album now. the acoustic guitar on this one is strumming my heart strings. 

obvious: another immediate favoritteeeee - starting off with just her voice, genius. that beautiful bloop of a piano beat behind her voice. the plucking of strings on the pre-chorus and piano notes. i’m in love. the chorus is my favorite thing of this. again, the piano and the strings on a trappy beat is everything to me. that’s my aesthetic lol. 

pov: i cried hearing this for the first time. i connected with this song because literally this past week before hearing this song come out, i’ve been wondering so hard - “i wonder how people perceive me. what could my image be in their eyes”, and thinking about how i am from my ex’s eyes - my love. i’m in tears. if it’s as much as he says he loves me then i would LOVE to see myself the way he sees me because that’s the most beautiful woman on earth and everything to him. but then i’m sad because i’m not with him right now. this chorus though - for all of my pretty, and all my ugly too, i’d love to see me from your point of view... and the raindrops in the song, the sad song to end the album. very Tayla, very R&B lol. giving me love and basketball vibes. Such a beautiful song, such a beautiful message, so much love, such a beautiful closer. 

[ddearddigitalddiary]

Dear future husband,

If you are who I think I’m ending up with, then hello there stranger. I have been waiting for this moment since our last lifetime together. Like you said, we met very young in this lifetime, maybe too young. That’s why we’ve gone through so much pain together but still happily found ways back to one another every time. For me it’s always been you, and I know that for you it’s always been me.

I have dreams of our wedding and our life together. I have visions of our future together and our family. Spending time with you feels somehow timeless but also like time soars. Being with you feels like home. Your scent is one I want wrapped around me every morning and every night. Your laugh is a song I want on repeat forever. You constantly bring out the youth and the newness in me yet I’ve also known you for a thousand lifetimes. We never ever run out of anything to talk about. Our silence is also the most peace I’ve found. In comfort or spontaneity you’re the one I want around.

The date is October 2020, and from what I’ve heard from the universe, we don’t have much longer to go until another win for us. On universal terms who knows when that will happen. Until then I am loving me to love you to love me to love you. And that will be our new cycle. We will break the generational curses. We will be successful in our fight for love. You are being and will continue to be successful in your fight for you as I am being and will continue to be successful in my fight for me while we are in separation. I will release any thoughts that do not serve my highest good.

I loved you then, I love you now, I will love you til forever and always. We will always find each other.

I’ll be seeing you

B

[ddearddigitalddiary]

Dear digital diary,

Right now, I’m 23 years old. Living in my first apartment by myself. I have two boys in two different cities that want me to visit them. What is this omg.

B

[ddearddigitalddiary]

folklore: Stoned Favorites

It’s been just about 48 hours since Queen Taylor surprised us with TS8 entitled folklore. This album was born out of quarantine and is becoming her highest critically acclaimed album yet. She’s fucking amazing, magical, powerful, etc. I’ve had a few listen throughs to digest it, but I’m still processing all of its beauty. It has quickly become a favorite. Taylor somehow has this power where she drops an album that is lined up perfectly to the events I’m going through in my personal life. Maybe I’m just finding how it relates to me and seeing myself in the album, but that’s the beauty of it anyways. Going through a tough breakup, living through a global pandemic, society is literally never going back to something we knew... It’s all a bit much. And Ms. Swizzle has put words to my deepest feelings, and as always helped me feel and heal. 

Here are my favorite parts of the beautiful, whimsical, mystical album that is folklore:

the 1: (this one hurts a little much for me right now...) we never painted by the numbers baby, but we were making it count, you know the greatest loves of all time are over now / in my defense i have none for never leaving well enough alone, but it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one

cardigan: (first of the love triangle, Taylor freaking Swift. this entire song is so beautiful. one of my faves and i cried the first time i heard it) i knew you stepping on the last train, marked me like a bloodstain I,  I knew you tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy I, I knew you leaving like a father, running like water I, and when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I’d knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you’d haunt all of my what if’s, the smell of smoke would hang around this long, cause I knew everything when I was young

the last great american dynasty: (a sweet little bop. i love this one. Taylor’s voice is so pretty. this guitar is *chefs kiss*) she had a marvelous time ruining everything / [the entire bridge!!!!] there goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen, i had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile: (again, this one hurts right now. a bit relevant.) you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending now? / (pretty much Taylor’s whole verse because freaking ouch - it’s describing my heart space right now) i think i’ve seen this film before, so I’m leaving out the side door / cause you never gave a warning sign - i gave sooo many signs

my tears ricochet: (hearing this song with the framing of it being about B*g M*****e is so sad, heartbreaking, powerful) cause i loved you, i swear i loved you, til my dying day, i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace (and then really the whole entire rest of the song.) /  WHEN I’M SCREAMING AT THE SKYYY... YOU HEAR MY STOLEN LULLABIIIIES

mirrorball: (this one feels like 80′s prom or something, i’m in love) *hushh*  when no one is around my dear, you’ll find me on my tallest tip toes, spinning in my highest heels love, shining just for youuu

seven: (this one makes me feel like i’m in a grassy meadow, while of course swinging on a tree, with a light summer breeze) sweet tea in the summer, cross your heart won’t tell no other / love you to the moon and to saturn / (STRINGS) 

august: (another love triangle song, and it’s my favorite of the moment i think... i think. it also hurts a little bit because of my love life heart space ): ) i remember thinking i had you, but i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment in time, cause he was never mine, and i can see us twisted in bed sheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine, cause you were never mine / (and the fact that there’s beautiful flutes noticeable to me and beautiful saxophone is just super convenient for my feelings as well. also, beautiful fade out, *chefs kiss*)

this is me trying: (this beat going into the song goes hard. guess what - song again hits me like a truck. it’s like what i would want him to say to me. i picture it’s fairly similar to what he’s going through. who knows.) so i got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad, i have a lot of regrets about that 

illicit affairs: (these guitars are like hugging my ears) take the words for what they are, a dwindling mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times (that line in particular hits) / don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this idiotic fool that you made me, you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else, and you know damn well for you i would ruin myself a million little times

invisible string: (again, guitars hugging the ears :). and of course, this song gives me hope for whatever, whoever could be out there for me. her runs are angelic) bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to la / time, mystical time, cutting me open then healing me fine~ / one single thread of gold tied me to you / hell was the journey but it brought me heaven / give me the blues and the purple pink skies, baby it’s cooool with meeeee! (so many Lover references in these lines! I’m in love!)

mad woman: (i’m in love with this song as well. like another version of the Man, aka don’t fuck with me. i’m in love with the entire chorus and her voice and the piano) what do you sing on your drive home, do you see my face in the neighbor’s lawn, does she smile or does she mouth fuck you forever / no one likes a mad woman, you made her like that... / women like hunting witches too, doing your dirtiest work for you

epiphany: (the production of this song is so angelic and peaceful yet the lyrics are haunting and i get sad every time i listen to it. the parallel between the war and the pandemic is rough and sad. this song is a different kind of hurt) hold your hand through plastic now, doc i think she’s crashing out, and some things you can’t speak about *and then the moment of silence with horns*...

betty: (the last of the triangle. this is the one that is so beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful? maybe not hopeful it’s more the nostalgia factor of it all for me that just because of the breakup stage i’m in right now is what makes it heartbreaking... one day it will be more beautiful and i can smile to it with a longing and gratuitous embrace... also a bop, ALSO reminds me of country Taylor and it’s so *hugs my heart and teen me*) but if i just showed up at your party, would you have me would you want me? would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden / i don’t know anything but i know i miss you / the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you / (KEY CHANGE !!!) / kissing in my car again, stopped at a streetlight you know i miss you

peace: (another favorite!!!! and apparently the first take she did of this song IS THE ONE THAT’S ON THE ALBUM. artist.) the devils in the details, but you got a friend in me, would it be enough if i could never give you peace, your integrity makes me seem small, you paint dreamscapes on the wall, i talk shit with my friends, it’s like i’m wasting your honor *piannooooo* / and you know that i’d swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches, give you my wild, give you a child... 

hoax: (a hauntingly beautiful one, a favorite, love that it’s the closer. it HURTS me right now but i’ll take it. it’s a beautiful song and it’s helping the heal. can’t wait to hear the lakes on the deluxe! - also i just so happen to be re-reading the twilight series right now and it’s the exact vibes i get from this song - the level of love, the cliff sides, the sleepless nights, the piano, eclipsed sun) stood on the cliff side screaming give me a reason, your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in.... don’t want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do. 

Taylor announced it and I woke up to the news. I spent the whole day obsessed with the thought of the album and the fact that she literally surprise dropped and shook the whole swiftie kingdom as well as it’s surrounding communities. I had no idea what to expect with it but I said it would be my new favorite Taylor album, i just had a feeling. And I think that this album proved that statement was true. This side of Taylor is the storytelling side I absolutely fell in love with. Her power and creativity and pen are just top tier and she’s the freaking artist of my lifetime. This album will be helping me heal, just as rep did, just as 1989 did, just as Speak Now, Fearless did. I love you Taylor. Thank you for the beauty that is folklore.

[ddearddigitalddiary]

To my sisters and brothers who don’t look like me, the Black families fighting to feel free...

To the ones who don’t know their ancestry, their family trees, because a white evil stole them and brought them overseas...

To the victims of white supremacy, police brutality, the ones dying under knees- unnecessarily, the ones sitting in their homes, or looking at the breeze and chirps in trees, the ones jogging down their street, all trying to simply live peacefully...

I hear you. I see you. I respect you. I fight with and for you. You can count on me. To win this, we all must be a we.

[ddearddigitalddiary]

[ddearddigitalddiary]

Manic: Stoned Favorites

I’ve had a few days to truly digest and process this album. Ashley Freaking Frangipane, you fucking did it. This is album is so raw and emotional and honest and pure and you just poured your heart and soul into every single part of it. I’m now considering this album one of my favorites just because I vibed to every single song on the album start to finish. 

I’m gonna go pack a bowl and get high, and then start this beautiful masterpiece that is Manic - brb.

Ashley: someDAAAYY when I BURST INTO FLAAAMES I’ll leave you the dust my looove, hope a bit of it will be enough....

clementine: [the drum heartbeat throughout the song is so *chefs kiss*] (second verse going into chorus) through a breakdown... through a breakdown, or a black out would you make out with me on the floor of the mezzanine 

Graveyard: [i’m infatuated with this song, so the whole thing but fave, fave part] it’s funny how the warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies-- *most beautifully honest, painful GAAAASSSSP* OH CUS I KEEP DIGGING MYSELF DOWN DEEPER...

You should be sad: [so many favorite parts] i’m so glad i never ever had a baby with you | i’m so glad i made it out without breaking down AND THEN RAN SO FUCKING FAR | won’t see you alligator tears because i’ve had enough of them | and you can fill the hole inside of you with money, girls, and cars 

Forever ... (is a long time): i spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic, and i cursed the ground for growing green | TALK TO YOUR MAN, TELL HIM HE’S GOT BAD NEWS COMIIINNN (and then that beautiful flow intoooo...

Dominic’s Interlude: there’s power in the words you whisperrr | TALK TO YOUR MAN, TELL HIM HE’S GOT BAD NEWS COMIIINNNNN walk on the edge with someone neeeewwwwww (and then THAT beautiful flooowww into......

I HATE EVERYBODY: feeling something like a scaly thing wrapped too tightly round my own master | [then every time around] SO I JUST KEEP SAYING I HATE EVERYBODY BUUUUT maybe i, maybe i don’t~

3am: [beautiful freaking song, i love the whole thing but absolutely fave part] AND WILL YOU PLEASE PICK UP THE FUCKING PHOOOOONE - CUS IT’S 3 AM 

Without Me: found you when your heart was broke, i filled your cup until it overflowed... | and if the laugh then fuck em alllllll

Finally // beautiful stranger: [another song i fell completely in love with at first listen, on my forever favorites list now] your eyes so crisp, so green, sour apple baby but you taste so sweet, you got hips like Jagger and two left feet, and I wonder if you’d like to meet | OOOOH we’re dancing in my living room, and up come my fisssts, and i say i’m only playing but the truth is this, that i’ve never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss, and i’m terrified but i can’t resist...

Alanis’ Interlude: [yes. just yes.] ~~~your pussy is a wonderland~~~ | and my girl she always wear a skirt in the classroom, eating my dessert in the bathroom

killing boys: *you’re killing people - noooo, i’m killing boys* | told me pick my battles and be pickin’ ‘em wise, but i wanna pick em all and i don’t wanna decide no more, noo more, anyMooOOOoOOoORE | tell me have you ever keyed a Ferrari before? | and i won’t ever try again, and all i want in return is REVENGE | climb up to the window and i’m breaking the glass, then i stop cus i don’t wanna Uma Therman your ass no more, noo more, anyMooOOoOOoORE

Suga’s Interlude: [he goes hard in this song, also Ashley’s voice is so soft and pure]

More: [well this song ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground, jumped on it three times and then put it back in me]  wooden floors and little feet, a flower bud in concrete, feeling so incomplete, wonder will we ever meet [the hospital beeps used as the beat, ripped out my heart again]

Still Learning: i should be living the dream, but i go home and i got no self-esteem *nope*, you think i’m swimming in green, but it’s passed around my family tree 

929: [the structure of this song is so pretty, so raw] they said don’t meet your heroes, they’re all fuckin’ weirdos, and god knows that they were right, because nobody loves you, they just try to fuck you, then put you on a feature on the b-side | lost the love of my life to an ivory powder... | I need to say that I was really born at 9:26, it's on my birth certificate, i'm a liar, man I'm a fucking liar

[ddearddigitalddiary]

The beauty is in the simplicity.

It's in the complexity.

It's in the mountains, it's in the

oceans,

It's within us, and also surrounds

every inch around us.

Beauty is everywhere, even in

the middle of nowhere.

I am beauty, you are beauty, he, she,

they are beauty.

Beauty cannot be defined.

My kind of beautiful is whatever

makes me happy.

Whatever brings me hope, whatever

brings me light.

One of my favorite beautifuls is the night.

Darkness is beautiful.

Intensity is beautiful.

Nothing is not.

Beauty is everything.

[ddearddigitalddiary]

Into the Unknown

Diving deep into the unknown

I’m taking with me my love, my home

I don’t want to lose you now or ever

Stay with me now, here, us forever

-B

[ddearddigitalddiary]

sweetener: Stoned Favorites

So I’ve tried making this post before. However, I was doing it on mobile and I switched to another app, tried going back, then my post that was almost halfway through the album had disappeared. I think that’s kinda fitting for this album specifically. At first the album was whatevers to me. There were a few songs I listened to quite often, but overall I didn’t think of the album as a favorite. Before I went to see Ari live on tour, I wanted to prepare and listen to both sweetener and thank u, next and any other single she’s dropped since. That made me listen to this album again all the way through, and realizing how much I under-appreciated it... Now as one of my faves, here’s sweetener while I’m stoned.

raindrops: (what a freaking great opening to an album) wheeeeeeen RAINDRops feeellllllll... / ooooh she crrriiiiiieeeed, an aaangeeel CRIIIIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIEEED, she CRIIIIIIIIIIEEEEDDDD

blazed: (overall, great funky vibe)  DON’T think that it cannot happen cauuuse it caaaan, shawty you can get *blazed*, SLEEP if you want and wake up in looove agaaain, shawty you can get *blazed*

the light is coming: (took me a very long time to like this one, pretty much i love Nicki’s verse the most) yo Ariana come let me give you a high five, the light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole

R.E.M.: (fucking HIT) excuse me, ummmmm, i love you, i know that’s not the way to start a conversation, trouble / think I hear some wedding bells

God is a woman: (such a mood) *yuh* I tell you all the things you should know, so baby take my hand save your soul, we can make it last take it sloooow, i can tell that you know i know how i want it, and your different from the rest, and boy if you confess you might get blessed, see if you deserve what comes next, i’m telling you the way i like it how i want it

sweetener: i like the way-you lick-the bowl, somehow your me-thod touches my soul /  SHEESH

successful: (love this one) do you like it bae, does it give you chiiilllssss, does it make you feeel COLD

everytime: (one of my favorite songs of all time now, i love the whole thing forreal) i’ve triiied to fight our energy *yeeh* but eeeeverytiiime i think i’m freeeEEEEeeeeEEeeeee *yuh* you get high and call on the regular, i get weak and fall like a teenager, why oh why does god keep bringing me, back to you BACK TO YOU BABY 

breathin: FEEL my BLOOD RUNnniinnn, SWEAR the SKY’S FAALllinnn, i KNOW THAT ALL that shit’s complicated mmmmmm, TIME goes BY AND iiii, CAN’T conTROL MY miiinnnd, DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE to try but *YOU* taught me everytiiiiimeeeee

no tears left to cry: they-point out the colors in you, i see em too and boy i like em, i liiiike em, i like em, we way too flyyy to partake in all this hate we out here viiibiiin, WE VIIIIBN, viiibin

borderline: (Queen Missy) seeeeems like i’m coming on strong but i don’t want this time to paaasss, i know you got a lotta chicks hollering at you but i bet they cannot laaast, you know i’m the wifey typppe bae

better off: let’s put them topics to bed and go fuck on the roof, just to say that we did it

goodnight n go: lately all i want is you on top of me, you know where your hands should be, so baby won’t you come show me, hmm

pete davidson: universe must have my back, fell from the sky into my lap, and i know you know that you’re my soulmate and all that

get well soon: want you to get beEETTAAHH, my life is so controlled by the what-ifs

[ddearddigitalddiary]

reputation: Stoned Favorites

What can I say about reputation. This album is freaking iconic. This era of Taylor is possibly my favorite because this just like ASSERTED HER DOMINANCE LOL. She is a bad bitch who is unstoppable and you can’t hurt her. She’s invincible. This is my favorites moments of reputation while I’m high.

...Ready For It: (THE ALBUM OPENER. years of silence from Taylor. nothing by cryptic, dark social media posts about snakes. bass line starts to hit.) *clears throat* KNEW HE WAS A KILLER FIRST TIME THAT I SAW HIM...

End Game: (a fucking bop from the jump) I hit you like BANG we tried to forget it but we just couldn’t and I buried hatches but I keep maps of where I put em

I Did Something Bad: if a man talks shit then I owe him nothin, I don’t regret it one bit cause he had it comin.... THEY SAY I DID SOMETHING BAD, BUT WHY’D IT FEEL SO GOOD

Don’t Blame Me: ooooooh Lord save me my drug is my baby I be using for the rest of my life USING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE OOOOOOOOHHHHH don’t blame me...

Delicate: *1, 2, 3, LET’S GO BITCH* / stay here honey I don’t wanna share

Look What You Made Me Do: (a secret fave) maybe I got mine but you’ll ALL GET YOURS

So It Goes...: you know I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you / who’s counting?... *1, 2, 3* AND ALL THE PIECES FALL

Gorgeous: (such a fun song) you’re so GORGEOUS, I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face, you’re GORGEOUS

Getaway Car: (tour made this song my favorite) I’m in a getaway car, I left you in the motel bar, put the money in a bag and I stole the keys, that was the last time you ever SAW ME DRIVIN THE GETAWAY CAR

King of My Heart: late in the night, the city’s asleep, your love is a secret I’m hoping dreaming dying to keep, change my priorities, the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: I’d kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down, I’d hold you as the water rushes in, IF I COULD DANCE WITH. YOU. A.GAIN. dancing with our hands tied

Dress: (end of bridge to last chorus) my one and only, my lifeline, now I woke up just in time, now I wake up by your side, my hands shake I can’t explain this, ah ah ah aaaaaahhhhh say my name and everything just STOPS.... I DON’T WANT YOU LIKE A BESTFRIEND

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: here’s a toast to my real friends, they don’t care about the he SAID she SAID, and here’s to my baaaabyyyyy he aint reading what they call ME lateLY, and here’s to my maamaaa had to listen to all THIS draMA

Call It What You Want: and I know I make the same mistakes every time, bridges burn I never learn, at least I did one thing right *I did one thing right*, I’m laughing with my lover, making forts under covers, trust him like a brother yeah you know I did one thing right, starry eyes sparking up my darkest night

New Year’s Day: there’s glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and polaroids on the hardwood floor, you and me forevermore

[ddearddigitalddiary]

thank u, next: Stoned Favorites

 The first post that I did like this was so fun that I immediately opened a new post to start this one. thank u, next became an INSTANT favorite album for me. Ari has gone through so fucking much and I just felt her pain and grief in this album. I stan, she’s queen (fun fact, I had a sex dream about her). Here’s my favorites off of thank u, next while I’m high.

imagine: (the whole. fucking. song.) click click click and post, drip drip dripped in gold, quick quick quick let’s go, kiss me and take off your clothes / knew you were perfect, after the first kiss, took a deep breath like *woooooh*, feels like forever, baby I never, thought that it would be *yoooouu* / can yoooOOOOOUUUU (you know which one), CAAAN YOOOU, WOOOOOOHHHHH *glorious whistle tones*

needy:  I’ma scream and shout for what I love, passionate but I don’t give no fucks, I admit that I’m a lil messed up, but I can hide it when I’m all dressed up, I’m obsessive and I love too hard, good at overthinking with my heart, how you even think it got this far, this far, n I can be needy

NASA: (whole thing) bottom line, usually I would love it if you stayed the night, I just think I’m on another page tonight, it aint nothing wrong with saying I need me time

bloodline: (Nonna, and ) no we won’t be talking the next day, I aint got nothin to say *hell nah,” I aint lookin for my one true love, yeah that ship sailed aw-ay

fake smile: I can’t fake another smile, I can’t fake like I’m alright, oooooh ooooooh, and I won’t say I’m feeling fine, after what I been through I can’t lie ooooooh oooooh, fuck a fake smiiiiiiile

bad idea: (whole damn thing) yeah I know we shouldn’t baby but we will *but we will*, need somebody give me something I can feel, boy don’t trip *don’t trip*, you know this isn’t real, you should know I’m temporary

make up: let me stay in my bag, cause I like when you mad, issa mood issa vibe issa look issa match, attitude change my mind, when you say that I’m right, hella fine and it works everytime, and I LOVE IT WHEN we make up

ghostin: (favorite sad song, maybe, ever. it breaks my heart) though I wish he were here instead, don’t want that living in your head, he just comes to visit me when I’m dreaming every now and then

in my head: painted a picture, I thought I drew you well, I had a vision, seeing what isn’t there, caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets, when you broke my heart, said you only wanted half of me

7 rings: (iconic from the jump) yeah my receipts be lookin like phone numbers, if it aint money then wrong number, black card is my business card, the way it be settin the tone for me, i don’t mean to brag but i be like put it in the bag yeah, when you see them racks they stacked up like my ass yeah, SHOOP go from the store to the BOOTH make it all back in one LOOP give me the LOO never mind i got the JUICE nothin but net when we SHOOT, look at my neck, look at my jet, aint got enough money to pay me respect, aint no budget when I’m on the set, if I like it then that’s what I get 

thank u, next: even almost got married, and for pete I’m so thankful, wish I could say thank you to malcom, cause he was an angel

break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored: this shit always happen to me *yuh*, why can’t we just play for keeps *mmm mmm*, practically on my knees *yeah yeah*, but I know I shouldn’t be thinkin bout it, you know what you’re doin to me, singing my songs in the streets yeah yeah, actin all innocent *please* when I know you’re already thinkin bout it

[ddearddigitalddiary]

Lover: Stoned Favorites

So I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift stan. Have been since I was in middle school. This album immediately found it’s way to a special place in my heart (as do all of her albums... maybe I’ll do a reputation post too). I also recently found a love for marijuana. These are my favorite parts of each song on the album Lover while I’m high. 

I Forgot That You Existed: in my feelings more than Drake so yeah

Cruel Summer: (the whole song, but if I have to pick...) HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL IT’S YOOOUUUUUUU

Lover:  ladies and gentlemen will you please stand, with every guitar string scar on my hand, I take this magnetic force of a man to be my LOVEERRRRR, my heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue, all’s well that ends well to end up with you, swear to be overdramatic AND TRUE to my LOOVEEERRRRR, and you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me, and at every table I’ll save you a seeeaat LOOOOVEEERRRRR

The Man: (the bridge, but then mostly the very last chorus) wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man HEY and I’m so sick of running...

The Archer: dark side, I search for your dark side, but what if I’m alright right right right here

I Think He Knows: he’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand, boy I, understand

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince: (first chorus. it was amazing, and then the piano comes in HOT) it’s you and me, that’s my whole world, they whisper in the hallway she’s a bad bad girl OKAY the whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, it’s you and me, there’s nothing like this, Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince OKAY we’re so sad we paint the town blue, voted most likely to run away with you

Paper Rings: kiss you once cause I know you had a long night, kiss you twice cause it’s gonna be alright, THREE TIMES cause you’ve waited your whole life, ONE, TWO, *sigh of relief* ONE TWO THREE FOUR

Cornelia Street: as if the streetlights pointed in an arrowhead leading us home

Death By A Thousand Cuts: saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts flashbacks picking me up, i get drunk but it’s not enough cause the morning comes and you’re not my baby, I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up, chandelier still flickering here cause I can’t pretend it’s okay when it’s not *PIANO SLICES*

London Boy: (Idris Elba, and also...) show me a grey sky, a rainy cab ride, babe don’t threaten with a good time

Soon You’ll Get Better: (break my heart) you’ll get better soon... cause you have to

False God: we might just get away with it *sexy sax* religion’s in your lips even if it’s a false god, we’d still worship, we might just get away *sexy sax* with it, the alter is my hips even if it’s a false god

You Need To Calm Down: SNAKES AND STONES NEVER BROKE MY BONES SO / CAUSE SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY SO

Afterglow: (the whole fucking song, ) why’d I have to break what I love so much, it’s on your face, and I’m to blame, I need to say... 

ME!: and when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name

It’s Nice To Have A Friend: light pink sky, up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew, twenty questions, we tell the truth, you been stressed out lately yeah me too, something gave you the nerve to touch my hand, it’s nice to have a friend OOOOOOOOOHHHH it’s nice to have a friend OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH *TRUMPETS* *TRUMPETS* *TRUMP*CHURCHBELL*ETS*

Daylight: I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you- I could never look away- and I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you- things will never be the same

[ddearddigitalddiary]

Who are you?

Dear Digital Diary,

Who am I? I am a woman. I am strong. I am sensitive. I am fierce. I am a lover. I am a sister and a daughter. I am a friend. I am trying my best to be positive in the face of such heartache in the world. I’ve found myself lately being deeply saddened by the state of the world. I feel so helpless. I feel at a loss for passion lately. One of my biggest passions previous to this post has been my partner, but I’ve found myself becoming so codependent. I wanted to find myself again. I needed to. I’m working on it and it’s an uphill battle for sure, but I’m glad I’m fighting it, with my partner by my side providing encouragement along the way. 

What are some things that I feel make me who I am today? My family for sure is a huge part of my being. My best friends are mirrors of some of my favorite parts about myself. Our friendship gives me a sense of innocence. The people I consider to be my best, best friends are from when I wasn’t even a teenager yet. They make me feel at home. They make me feel comfortable and seen. My favorite music helps me to put words to my feelings. I always meet a struggle when I try to explain how I’m feeling. Music helps to bring out the emotion in me so that I’m able to embrace it and just feel. My partner and I have had such a long road to get where we are now. With almost 11 years of being interested in each other, you could say we’ve had our ups and downs. All of the downs have helped me realize how strong I really am. The downs felt extremely down. But 180 from that, the ups felt so fucking up. I love this man with all of my heart. Since we became involved, he’s brought out a side of me that I would never have known existed. I’m constantly intrigued by him and his actions and his way of thought. He has opened my mind and my heart to different ways of life. He’s helped me broaden my vision for my future. He constantly reminds me that I’m beautiful. He never fails to make me feel anything less than sexy. I should’ve made him a topic on his own for writing. I probably still will in the future. I don’t think I can ever shut up about how I feel about him. He has given me so much happiness. He has taught me LOVE. He’s taught me pain. He’s taught me gratitude. He’s taught me to question things. He’s taught me to push limits and to take risks. He makes me feel alive and that is more than I ever could have asked for. What else makes me me? Hawai’i as a state and as a culture has shaped me into the beautiful wahine I am now. I like to think Hawai’i has taught me so much of my kindness and how to be grateful. I hope that I put out aloha every single day. 

As for other things, I’m not quite sure what else makes me feel like me. I guess that’s the point of finding myself right? I want to get into hobbies. I want to be passionate about something. I don’t want to just come home after work and watch tv all night. I want to feel like I’m purposefully moving forward in life. I think something I’ll also have to work on during this “finding myself” thing is how to live in the now. I’m always so focused on what’s next. I’m constantly looking for that feeling of anticipation to something I’m super excited about. I need to be present and enjoy my immediate surroundings. Yes excitement is good, but to a certain extent. I can’t lose sight of what’s in front of me. I wish to always find the time to express my gratitude for the blessings in my life. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for my love. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for being here. Love you always.

B