darwintm

[darwintm]

Former New York city mayor Michael Bloomberg is joining with other US climate organizations to fund the United States entire 21% contribution to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change. This will allow the organization to remain fully functional in the wake of Trump's withdrawal from the Paris Agreement. This contribution will continue at least until the United States is able to rejoin the Paris Agreement.

I dislike the existence of billionaires as much as the next person, but it is refreshing to see one of them actually using their money to do a net good for the planet.

[darwintm]

The Randomizer

[darwintm]

Someday your hands will be old and wrinkled, the skin spotted and bunching over your knuckles. And a child will watch you make something. It's a simple task, you'll have done it a thousand times before. But to that child, the smooth, confident way your hands move will seem like impossible magic. You have to keep living.

[darwintm]

One time my mom took me to a hibachi grill with a bunch of her friends and if you've never been to a hibachi grill basically the draw is that theres a bunch of interactive performance stuff done by the cook who cooks for you at your table, and one of the tricks they did at this one was take a squeeze bottle full of liquor and shoot it into your mouth across the table (with permission)

And now at our table my mom explained this because it was my first time going, and she wanted to make sure to warn me it was liquor because she knows I don't drink- she just said "if he offers to shoot at your mouth, say no because it's alcohol".

And so the chef does his thing and it's all very impressive, but the time does come where he pulls out this squeeze bottle of booze and asks me if I wanna try

I of course say no, because I really don't do alcohol, so he moves on to someone else

And I watch, and slowly come to understand that this is some sort of game, because once someone is drinking from the continuous flow the chef starts counting "ONE! TWO! THREE!"

I realize that we're trying to see who can keep drinking the liquor from three feet away without choking or spilling, and its a bummer cause i kinda wanna try and I CAN'T

But he goes around the table with everyone there, and I think my mom makes it to three, one friend makes it to five, I think my brother got to three as well, and he comes back to me

And I'm REALLY bummed out now but I will not drink alcohol, so I sort of sadly repeat that I can't when he pulls out a SECOND BOTTLE and grins and goes "juice?"

And Im like FUCK YEAH LET'S GO and I'm a bit worried he's gonna spray it into my eye or something but he doesn't, it hits me right at the back of the throat, and I start drinking while the whole fucking table counts "ONE! TWO! THREE!"

And like

It just sorta

Kept going?

And Im looking at the chef and he starts freaking out by the time we get to six, and at around seven I kinda start looking around and my auntie is staring back in shock, my brother is laughing his ass off and my mom has her face in her hands

And then at like nine or ten it gets like. Super tense and quiet, and only the chef is still counting

And I guess it got too much for even him cause we're at eleven and I don't believe in quitting early and it is almost painful how awkward it's getting

So he cuts me off at twelve and raises his hands in the air and everyone else cheers and claps like a dumb movie

and I just sit back in my seat to look back at my mother staring at me surrounded by everyone she knows, bright fucking red in the face and choking with honest to god tears in her eyes and she puts her face back in her palms and starts chanting "I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know"

So I give her the biggest, proudest grin and tell her, "I won."

So now every time something suggestive happens in a movie, or in conversation, or something shocking happens around us and she goes to jokingly cover my ears, I just ask her, "Remember when I won?" And she goes face-down and groans, because I know EXACTLY how she thinks I trained to develop that particular skill and she HATES knowing that about me

The truth is though, I'm a whole ass 28 year old virgin. I've never so much as kissed anyone in my life. I had no idea I could do that trick until that exact moment

But she doesn't know that, and I'm never gonna tell her

[darwintm]

I am still absolutely obsessed with the slur song. Some poor HR manager in Aotearoa has no idea they inadvertently created the gay pride banger of the century. It's everything "Born This Way" was trying to be.

[darwintm]

My new boss: “Everyone come to the team meeting with a surprising story about something you’ve done in the past. Something no one would expect of you!”

Me: Googling the statute of limitation for felonies in Texas

[darwintm]

People who live in glass houses. Here's a 2008 mostly glass treehouse in Austin, TX. I mean, you can really see the main living areas at night. 4bds, 4ba, (at least you can't see thru them), 2,180 sq ft. $1.45m.

It's beautiful, but I'd feel so exposed. Even though it's secluded, who knows who'd come lurking at night.

The left side is probably the beds and baths.

I don't see any shades. In the living room there's a nice view of the trees, rock walls and patio.

Cement floors. It's really bringing the outdoors in.

It's a beautiful home, though.

Compact kitchen with dark gray cabinets.

Love the counters and look at the window seat- there's a fish tank above it. I'm guessing that the big exhaust pipe is intentional to give it an industrial look.

Look at this- behind the kitchen, on the other side of the fish tank wall, there's a spacious primary bedroom/bath combo.

Very nice wall with a little place to sit and relax.

Behind the bed there's the sink and tub. I like the fireplace.

Thru the glass door there's a beautiful stone shower with a rock bench.

Spiral stairs go up to the other bedrooms and baths.

Bedroom #2 and ensuite are very nice.

Bd. #3 has a tub in the room and sliders to a private terrace.

The terrace is pretty big.

It also has an ensuite.

Bd. #4 is lovely. I like this one's decor the best. So cozy.

Spiral stairs going down to the garden and patio.

There's a round parking area up here.

7,623 sq ft lot

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3025-Geronimo-Trl-Austin-TX-78734/89546110_zpid/?

[darwintm]

I Am A Cat - a short comic

This is a comic based on an actual event from my childhood that's been seared into my memory ever since.

[darwintm]

spin this list of all of the pokemon. you are now that pokemon.

[darwintm]

its not funny but i do think about it a lot

[darwintm]

Gripping people by the shoulders to earnestly tell them how parts of Ireland could be similar to the North American Pacific Northwest with stunning temperate rain forests if we actually committed to re-wilding are you listening to me? The constant rain we have supports beautiful rainforest ecosystems that were destroyed but we can bring them back. It wouldn't even be that hard. The forests will regenerate themselves over time if we just stop planting non-native pine plantations, remove livestock grazing from the land, and control the deer population. We could turn one of the most ecologically degraded countries in the world into one of the most unique ecosystems found on earth. Do you hear me???? Only a handful of other places on the planet support temperate rainforest biomes and we are continuing to destroy our own. Why are you trying to get away???

[darwintm]

The most popular browsers in different countries in 2012 and 2022.

by @theworldmaps_

[darwintm]

the david zwirner gallery and the felix gonzalez torres foundation in the smithsonian removed the descriptive plaque for portrait of ross in la by felix gonzalez-torres. the old plaque explained portrait for ross' origins as the artist's partner's aids related death, and replaced it with a plaque with absolutely no information about the piece itself, who ross was, or who gonzalez-torres was either. portrait of ross was also reeranged to lay on the floor long ways instead of in a pile as it typically is situated, and the plaque outside the exhibition FOR GONZALEZ-TORRES omits his sexuality, as well as his aids related death. i'm in utter disbelief

[darwintm]

Friends:  Do some D&D art! Me:  Like this? 

[darwintm]

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

[darwintm]

[darwintm]

Huge thanks to Richard of the Order of the Blade for throwing me around!

(If you’re in the UK, consider checking them out! The order are a combat school with a really fun and welcoming ethos)

And as always, more bows, swords, and nonesense on Patreon