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[daisy-100]

I was the smallest I have ever been when I was 16 (since puberty, of course). I was horribly depressed, lonely beyond words, convinced that there was something inherantly wrong with me that could not possibly be understood by my peers. I had an undiagnosed panic disorder that left me nearly bedridden, convinced I was dying at least twice a day, and wishing I actually was so I didn't have to feel that horrible fear that plagued every waking moment of my life.

But christ I was beautiful.

I didn't think so at the time. Mostly I was told by adult men, old men. My parent's coworkers, cashiers, my boss. I was told by catcallers, honking horns, the man I called "Uncle". Indirectly, by my father's sudden interest in my body.

It was sick. The comments, the attention, the unwanted touches were disgusting. But I can't help but be agonizingly aware of their absence.

16 fucking hurt. But I miss it so much.

It's hard to explain the longing I have for the person I used to be. Hard to explain how I look back on the time of my life where I was most su!c!dal and feel that was when I had the most worth. I was spiralling, completely untethered, but at the same time I was so in control.

I don't know if I can ever have even a piece of her back. But I long for her so desperately.

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Thinking about how when my ex broke up with me he said "i hope you find someone who treats you as good as i did"... as if HE wasn't breaking up with ME?

Cool dude. Thanks.

[daisy-100]

the only thing i ate today was your moms fucking ass

stay skinny bitches

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No but actually why am I like this

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2014 tumblr girl insp0 board

meal ideas:

@blonde4ngel

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vintage energy pt.2 (a more colorful version

meal ideas: (flowers and stuff that matches the color of your outfit!

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dark red insp0 board

meal ideas:

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I swear when I’m binging I don’t even enjoy myself. The enormous amount of food isn’t about taste. It’s about filling the void inside me. The whole time I keep telling myself to stop but it’s like I’m possessed. I hate feeling full but I hate feeling empty even more. Not physically empty but emotionally empty. Does this make any sense??

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"Like a plant, surely, the body can be trained to exist on nothing~to take nourishment from the air."

"I'm not starving myself..I'm perfecting my emptiness"

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3d girlies telling each other “stay safe”

(Guilty of this as well, will probably stay guilty )

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Remember

C@lori3s cannot legally enter your b0dy without your consent

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Um.

So anyways, friendly reminder that you can be 4n0rex!c without being f4tf0b!c.

"Uuunh but I'm so SIIICK though" boohoo, cindy, we're all sick, it doesn't give you carte blanche to be an asshole. Stop using your illness as an excuse for your shitty behaviour.

[daisy-100]

Seeing someone on the street who looks like the person you thought you would be by now... That shit hurts the soul

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all i think about is sex and calories