cynnsearlywitchin

[cynnsearlywitchin]

[cynnsearlywitchin]

"Strange Comfort"

I know I'm lost with no motivation to find my way back

I left myself down a paper trail of the pages of my mind, now I want them back,

I'm somewhere between no courage among the other things I lack

Lost in desperation where an ember turns to an ash

Somewhere along this path I crossed the line

Broken promises I've made without thinking twice

Left my second thought and reason behind

All in the name of making this world mine

All in the name of building my own

Why do I think that I have to live this life alone, I know I'm lost

I know, I know I'm lost, I know, I know I'm lost

But what scares me the most is I'm starting to feel at home

I know, I know I can't stay here forever, when we lose ourselves we find each other

I find this strange comfort in being lost in life

Wherever I end up will I belong there this time?

So when you feel your heart sink into your chest

Don't forget everything is okay in the end

We are not okay but this is not the end yet

We are not okay but this is not the end yet

We are not okay but this is not the end

I know, I know I'm lost, I know, I know I'm lost

But what scares me the most is I'm starting to feel at home

I know, I know I can't stay here forever, when we lose ourselves we find each other

[cynnsearlywitchin]

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Finally! We made slime, that’s slime! @junguwu_the_second #yay #slimedaysunday #diylovers (at Silver Springs Shores, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsTH__-n2Xo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1r3ohmlf8vlch

[cynnsearlywitchin]

I don’t say this very often, but if you harass my child OR her friends I WILL react badly. Just saying. Also know that if I’m risking incarceration I WILL make it worth it, FYI #justsaying https://www.instagram.com/p/BsJoq32n8G3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n8nwf2k7eq1y

[cynnsearlywitchin]

My pet monster #Jedi #jedimaster #purrmonster #catsofinstagram #mumsboy #cutestcatever #furfriend #happycaturday https://www.instagram.com/p/Br-cRv3nEoV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1napjhuv4v0ot

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Lovin’ slime Saturday w/ @junguwu_the_second 😁🖤 this is much funner than I expected #slimykid #makingthingsdo #diylove #weekendplansforever https://www.instagram.com/p/Brs6KtvnTNT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=x6csyi8ut8wl

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Music determines my mood. What music determines which moods for you? #comebackkidhc #moodmusic #myotherside #incaseoffire #unconditional #partnersincrime #becauseofall #getalone https://www.instagram.com/p/BrXsZWEnOMR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n1pvxgt6gon4

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Random Thoughts

Ok, I’m in a wheelchair and while it is what it is, it sucks not being able to drive and be out in nature. My inability to drive causes me to rely on others for transport. I only have 1 friend, so it’s down to him or my mother(not fun). So, of course, I try to enlist the help of my friend for most everything. One week ago we ventured to Trulieve where for the first and only time, I fell in love. I know love at first sight is more frequently lust based, and to say it isn’t is bullshit, but, not only have I not lusted for this person, I looked straight into his eyes(which I don’t normally do, I read people through their eyes and lots of people have really disturbing or unpleasant things in them when you see them in public), but I couldn’t control mine, it was like a fuckin magnet. I knew. Game over. Now I can’t get his eyes out of my head, they are fucking burned into my brain. They are the sweetest, kindest, warmest, most sincere and honest eyes I’ve ever seen. I guess since my computer is about to die, this is where the story ends for now 

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Magic Works (aka STORY TIME)

Sit down, witches young and old.  I have a story to share.

So, in late Summer 2014, I was held at gunpoint and my car was stolen.  Without going into too much detail, I was out at night running errands and two masked men cornered me in the parking lot of my apartment complex.  (The Mister was not with me at the time; he was in the apartment.)  In the trunk of my car was my witchy box, which contained ALL of my most important craft materials including my book of shadows, my tarot, and my most beloved trinkets.  (I had taken it on a witchy retreat the weekend before.)

When they stole my car, they used it in a bank robbery and then ditched the vehicle after use.  I was DEVASTATED.  I couldn’t sleep or eat for days (trauma can be an absolute bitch); I was terrified to go out on my own, even on our porch.  I lost my job because I no longer had a means of transportation.  And to top it off, I ended up having a miscarriage around the same time.

Guys and gals, I went to a very dark place after this.  The police, as helpful as they were, told me that the likelihood of finding the vehicle was slim-to-none.  In fact, it is common in most places (and especially my state) that stolen vehicles are dumped in rivers or ravines, never to be found again.  What made matters worse was that I had JUST PAID THE CAR OFF and SWITCHED MY INSURANCE TO LIABILITY ONLY.  (For you bebes out there that don’t know, this means that your insurance company won’t replace the car if it is stolen.)

For months, I tried to dig myself out of this hole, but I felt like I couldn’t really connect with my craft because I was missing important elements to my spellwork.  Some of the things in that box were passed down for generations in my family.  They were absolutely priceless.  I felt so…lost.

The following May, I was visiting Tulum, Mexico.  A tropical storm was brewing off the shoreline and everyone else was drunk at one of the all-inclusive bar.  I watched from my balcony as surfers took to the turbulent waves and something came over me.  I felt a literal pull in my chest.  Something kept telling me to go to the water.

My family, friends, and the Mister all told me I was crazy when I went to the beach.  There was thunder, the waves were insanely high, and even the experienced surfers were having trouble.  On the lifeguard stands, black flags were posted (one of the signs that swimming is absolutely ill-advised) and for even an experienced competitive swimmer (that’s me!), it would be dangerous. But something told me to get into the water.

Nothing could have prepared me for the power of the ocean.  It pulled me when I resisted; it dragged against every limb and I became frightened.  But instead of thinking about the fact that I could possibly drown, I kept replaying those guys and their guns pointed at me, one shoved into my forehead.  I became angry; I kicked harder, pushed myself further until I felt the sand at my toes again.

I was crying and so angry.  I stood still in the water and called out into the wind.  I beat my fists against the surface of the sea (I probably looked insane, but no one was out there) and felt all of my pain seep away.  I begged the water for one thing: even if the car didn’t run, could my precious things be returned to me.  I bartered with the sea.

The sea giveth and the sea taketh away, as they say.  All of the hurt and terror and anguish I had felt over the previous year disappeared.  I was embraced by the water and somewhere so very deep inside me, I knew everything would be okay.  There was finally a sense of calm and clarity inside me, replacing the tumultuous emotions I had been feeling.

The morning we left, after the storms had passed, I went back to that secluded part of the beach and promised that I would dedicate my life to helping witches around me.  I had never made a promise like that in my life.

A month after that, the state police found my car.  It wasn’t in working condition at all, but everything remained intact in the trunk.  They brought it to my parents’ house and I rushed outside.  I sobbed when my dad opened the trunk and saw the box waiting, looking the exact same way it did the night the car was stolen.  Everything was in it, untouched by the elements.  (Eventually, I repaired the car enough for it to run another two-and-half-years, too!)

Magic is real.  Against impossible odds, there is power in every wish and desire.  I will never regret the promise I made that day.  I will never take for granted the gifts that have been given to me.  And when people scoff when I say that I am a witch, I inwardly smile and know that my magic is true and real.  I have all the proof I need.

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Sometimes I wonder what I’m missing, then I remember the answer is “not much”

[cynnsearlywitchin]

Love this 

[cynnsearlywitchin]

[cynnsearlywitchin]

because, purple

[cynnsearlywitchin]

[cynnsearlywitchin]

the red moon rising over istanbul.

[cynnsearlywitchin]