crypticmushroom

[crypticmushroom]

Since I've been schmoozing around online ogling the different gravity falls books on the Internet archive, I realize some folks may not know they are out there, so. woe! Links be upon ye:

Special Edition Journal 3

The Book of Bill (Golden)

Lost Legends

Bonus: Gravity Falls Episode Commentaries

[crypticmushroom]

What if in the PPBB universe where Stan is resurrected by Ford. Stan can only start to become more ‘human’ and fix his own soul by eating the emotions of others, and in some cases their whole souls.

Stan is only acting with self preservation right now cause he has nothing else, so after the shock of being alive wears off the kinda Erdrich horror part of him wakes up and he kinda just leaves the Ford’s and goes hunting for very emotional souls. So now the Ford’s have to hunt down Stan across the country in Fiddleford’s old car, like the OG road-trip, except more high stakes because they have to stop Stan from sucking out souls like they’re smoothies from random people.

Maybe Bills also along for the ride as well(he wants the portal built and is gonna pester Ford about it till he stops goofing off) and he makes everything so much more complicated as he eggs on Stan to eat more people.

Wait, wait, wait what if Bill is the Winged Lion/demon and Stan mirrors Laios and eats his soul, aka Bills hat and last dimensional speck. Which gives Stan enough energy to fix the rest of his soul and give him emotions back.

Lets just make this a three way au lol, GF into PPBB into DM.

This got long, but here it is!

Hmm. If we're following along a loose Dungeon Meshi story line (which, let me tell you, ever since i got that first ask I've been rotating the idea of a Dungeon Meshi au except Ford's just doing his regular adventuring, comes across and kills a dragon, pulls the corpse out, revives it for 'knowledge' and gets hit with Stan. Can you imagine if that happened? If Marcille revived Falin and didn't even know she was dead? How Stan could have stayed dead and Ford would have no idea? Anyway), then Ford revives Stan, gets hit with dead brother feelings, drags him home to wash off all the monster blood and put some clothes on him. Stan's.. mostly fine? Sure he's heart is dead and the most he can muster up is a slight ease of tension at seeing Ford and not being dead, but otherwise? he's hungry, thats about it.

Then that night, Stan wakes up, starving and with the need to find food. The meal in his stomach isn't doing anything for him, he needs something more filling. His human form that he got shoved to feels cramped and empty, he's gotta fill it up if he wants to feel like himself again. Phases out of existence, goes off to find something to eat, the Fords surviving by the pure luck of being asleep and thus not emotional enough to catch Stan's uncaring eye.

Good thing Ford stuffed his brother with all kinds of magical alarms! He hunts Stan down when he wakes up, dragging Fiddleford with him, just to find Stan crouching in front of someone bawling their eyes out, chewing something and muttering something under his breath (Stan's still not a giant phase out monster, he needs to improvise). He's fading in and out of Fords eyes, it hurts to look at him, like his human form is covering up something far worse under reality. Stan sees him coming, keeps chewing, only to disappear when Ford tries to grab him.

now its road trip time! Quickly bundle up the person (now confused and telling Ford about all their worst thoughts being real?), get in a car, and chase Stan down, desperately making sure all Stan can do is snack on people and doesn't actually eat a person like Stan was eaten. Bill pops in after a few days, annoyed by this side tracking his portal schemes, tells Ford Stan's soul was so scattered and the entity so freshly dead, Fords spell used it to piece Stan's together. Stan's soul is trying to repair itself with what it has (eldritch soul eating powers), he won't be back to being Stan until he eats enough souls to replace the eldritch bits keeping it together.

So just let his bro eat one, maybe a few hundred people and he'll be back to normal! Easy!

Well Fords not going to to that? He'll just find a way to contain Stan, maybe figure out how to siphon off soul energy from general misery worldwide? He'll figure it out after he captures Stan.

Seeing as that didn't work, Bill tries something else! Which is to get Stan to eat as fast as possible so Ford can stop wasting time on this. Stan, not caring enough about anything still and barely there, shrugs and says sure weird triangle on a plane of existence i wasn't able to interact with before, trying my best here.

Except Ford. Keeps. Interrupting. Him. He can't eat like this, not because he cares about Ford seeing him, he just struggles to stay on the plane of existence people are when they touch him. Stan warping onto a different layer, not frustrated but so, so hungry.

Gets a genius idea. He'll just eat Ford, then Ford won't interrupt him anymore.

Bill does not like this idea, but cannot give Stan enough of a reason not to do it. Bill wants him to eat doesn't he? Fords stopping that from happening, if he eats Ford then no one will stop him. Easy.

Bill pops in to warn Ford of Stan's brand new plan, warns him to keep an eye out and stick with Fiddleford. Shenanigans happen, and Stan gets interrupted again. by the skinny guy. He's so hungry and starving and the snacking isn't helping. He needs a full meal, no mater how it happens.

Hmmm. Extra angst incoming. Stan can't maintain a physical presence on the world if someone touches him, but he needs to interact with his target to eat them (parallel Falin being unable to eat enough with her tiny mouth, Stan can't fit a person in there, this is the best he can do). Comes up with a new idea! He needs his prey to be aware for max misery, needs to interact with them, needs to not be interrupted.

He'll wait for Bill to visit Fords dream again, he'll slip into the mindscape, then eat Ford there. No one to interrupt, no one to stop him. Finally get rid of one Ford, then he can eat the other when he's done.

More shenanigans, Stan's lying low, not on the physical plane, Ford falls asleep, Bill visits (doesn't know Stan's plan, why tell the only other guy who might interrupt after all), and Stan pounces. He looks even more brain breaking here in Fords dream, barely having a human shape to maintain. Ford runs, Bill tries to interfere, Stan shows off why things like him are so dangerous, twists around and almost gets Ford.

Bill manages to interfere, then explodes at Stan, about how stupid he is, how Bill made it clear to eat anyone but Ford, how if Stan could have done this the whole time, he should have told him so that Bill could have gotten some other extra human for him to eat and this could have been over ages ago!

Right in front of Ford.

Fight happens, Bill admits to being a demon, about the real reason he wanted to make the portal, they fight, and Stan is still there, still hungry, still looking for those delicious terrible emotions. Anger, sadness, desperation, misery, denial. And Fords feeling those things sure, he just learned his Muse was trying to get his brother to eat people and use him to end the world.

But Bill is also feeling those things. Bill miserable and hides it with his boastful personality, is desperate to party and shove his feelings aside, desperate to leave his crumbling dimension, angry at Ford for not being on his side, not seeing things his way, in so much denial about it all. He's a ball of self hate and emotions thats been marinating since before Earth existed.

Now that Stan's here, in the layer of the midnscape, he can smell it, can taste it, can see it.

Bill's looking pretty good actually. Better than any poor lost soul Stan's tried to dine on in the last however long it took to get to this point (months probably), and, key point here, Bill can change sizes and be changed in the dream.

Stan can fit him in his mouth.

Cue Ford getting a front row seat to Stan snatching his former muse and ripping into him. Its a horror show of two eldritch entities going at it, Bill struggling to get away and Stan reaching into him, tearing out pieces of his blackened heart, and shoving them into his mouth, squishing Bill smaller and biting down on him, shifting his size in Fords mind so he won't spill a single drop of Bill's mangled soul.

Eating the last piece of an entire dimension.

And then Ford wakes up in a cold sweat, the last moments of his dream nothing but the feeling of watching two higher energy beings like he was watching a nature documentary. His brain turned off his eyes so he wouldn't go mad from the experience. No idea if Bill survived, but that doesn't matter.

What matters is that Stan's right next to him, arm thrown across Fords chest, mouth open and drooling, snoring away, head squished against Fords neck. Curled on top of him and still smacking his lips a little. Ford can still see fragments of Bill's soul in his teeth, and its as horrifying as it is fascinating. He looks just like he did that first night, if a little... off. Skin too perfect, teeth too sharp, something about him thats just not quite as human as he used to be, but more here then he's been since he ran off.

And yeah, Stan ate Fords muse, but it was that or let Stan eat probably thousands of people. How much human souls equals the power Bill had after all? How much power did Stan's soul need to fix itself, if it took more than one bite of Bill's own to do it. And Bill betrayed him after all, planned to use Fords own creation to destroy the world. Fitting that he should instead fix Fords brother, Fords world.

So Ford goes back to sleep, squeezing Stan and only slightly unnerved by the fact that he can sort of feel Stan squishing into him on another plane of existence somehow. No way to explain it other than 'physically we are touching but i'm pretty sure Stan's soul is cuddling mine inside my body'

Then Stan wakes up even more confused. Everything was one big blur to him. Pretty sure he went on a drug trip and it was cured by the power of a bowl of corn chips. Very happy to get all the Ford hugs and also weirded out by the knowledge he is now huggning Fords soul on a parallel plane of existence. No he has no idea how to explain it either other than 'Physically i'm right here, but i'm also doing this' and then Ford smacks him and tells him to stop doing that, even though they weren't touching.

[crypticmushroom]

The brain worms they won’t stop so have this word vomit.

Gravity falls x Danny Phantom Crossover where Stan gets hired by this weird couple in a small town to help with carrying stuff and transporting all their possibly illegal parts for this weird portal in the basement from different labs and government facilities.

Stan’s like 19 at this point(I’m fudging dates ok, I know he’d be like at least in his late 40s by then) and really desperate for any type of work. Which is why he takes the job even though it’s sketchy and the people that hired him are crazy mad scientists who believe in ghosts.

Then the portal is finished and Stan’s been working for the family for like a whole year and he’s gotten pretty attached to everyone. Especially Danny and Jazz. Luckily or unluckily the portal isn’t working so Stan gets to stay and try to fix it with Jack and Madeline.

One day Stan’s just fiddling with the inside of the portal trying to see the wiring is the thing that’s been keeping the portal from working, which is when he finds and flips the switch that Danny does in the og show.

It works and the portal turns on, only for a moment, but since Stan is literally in it, he gets electrocuted and sucked into the ghost zone. turning into a halfa and leaving behind a silent lab and a powered down portal.

Eventually the Fentons realize that Stan isn’t showing back up to work and think he’s ditched the project because the pay wasn’t great. And Danny still gets turned into Phantom, and the portal stays open. But by that point Stan is to far into the zone to hear about any of that.

So Stan is stuck in the zone for the next 8 years, ‘surviving’ by staying in his ghost half and absorbing ectoplasm while he tries to get back to his world. By this point he’s got a few new abilities and a lot more enemies. Then Ford sends his postcard with the magic mailbox and by some miracle it makes its way to Stan.

Through that connection Stan is able to make it back to his world, back to Ford. And a small natural rift opens up to the snow covered Oregon forest. Stan doesn’t look to human anymore, or at least his ghost half doesn’t, so right before he enters the clearing of Stanfords house, he shifts(if anyone had been paying attention they would have noticed that there where no footprints leading to the clearing, but there wasn’t)

Stan breaths for the first time in years, and the snow crunches under his shoes as he walks(Ford can’t know about him, he has to think he’s fine). But all of that’s forgotten when Ford opens the door and threatens him with a crossbow.

Everything is the same until the fight, the portal turns on and Stan still gets his brand, but when Ford Starts falling up into the portal. Stan does the only thing he could do and flies up to save Ford(he can’t lose Ford again, even if it means showing him what a monster he is)

And now Ford has to deal with the fact that Stan basically died, he is dead, and Ford never knew. They also have to deal with Bill and Stan has to grapple with the fact that his human half hasn’t really aged at all(that even though he’s dead he might outlive his twin)

Anyway that’s all I got for now, if anyone wants to add to this they’re more than welcome to.

[crypticmushroom]

What if Stan gets cursed so that everyone thinks he's a mob boss? All they "know" is that he's a mob boss with a lot of power

This is how he gets trunked lol.

There's no way Stan doesn't realize everyone thinks he has power he doesn't actually have, takes advantage of it, then bites off more than he can chew and suffers the consequences. He doesn't actually have the power to back up what they think he has, and he'd just do this over and over, thinking that this time for sure it'll end up great!

If it keeps going to the reunion then Fords even more freaked by his 'mob boss aura'. He knew Stan was fine! Stan's got connections and this'll be great!

Very funny if this keeps going for the 30 years and while Stan knows people are intimidated by him no one's actually said why so he has no reason to try and dissuade people from thinking the mystery shack is a front (because it is, except it's a front for the portal downstairs not the mob). Then the summer happens, and at some point pre weirdmaggedon him and Ford get into an argument about the kids safety and Ford gets angry that Stan could even try to call him out, seeing as he knows what Stan gets up to! Which Stan will respond with how his minor crimes don't put the kids at risk!

Ford: I'm not talking about the pugs or the fleecing!

Stan, who does a million minor crimes that are only sometimes hazardous to the kids but still nothing like taking dipper on a field trip to an alien spacecraft: what are you talking about then!

Ford: you know!

Stan, becoming genuinely baffled and therfore angry: no! I don't!

Ford: you know! Your *waves hand around the shack*

Stan:.... my business?

Ford: Yes!

Stan, still baffled: what does the mystery shack have to do with-

Ford: no! Your *looks around, whispers* other business

Stan, very lost: you lost me

Ford: must I spell it out for you

Stan: yeah, because I have no idea what your talking about

Ford, whispering more: your ties with the mafia Stanley. Do you know what kinds of things

Stan, who hasn't had tied with the mafia in years and was not anyone important in that time: ties? What ties? I'm not in the mob Ford?

Ford:.... yes you are

Stan: no, I'm not?! I think I'd know? Do you see any goons around here? Why on earth did you think I was a part of the mob?

Ford:.... because you are?

Very funny if his family almost convinces him into thinking that maybe he is? A part of the mob? Is that why people have been avoiding him on the sidewalk and he gets away with so much? Be thought it was his rougeish charms and quick wit but no, people think he's a mob boss? For some reason? How long has this been gong on?

Soos tells him everyone's always known that about Stan. Its why he's allowed to work here, his grandma hopes soos will charm Stan and inherit his fortune (and send a hit out on sooss dad).

Amnesiac Stan has the most intimidating aura for a guy who knows nothing, and he never convinces his family he's not part of the mob.

[crypticmushroom]

Collaboration comics with @nektoshur 🌸

[crypticmushroom]

Silly little doodle I did of @dark-lord-of-awesomeness Wizard Stan au. It keeps cracking me up thinking about Stan arguing with his brother while literally wearing the silliest robe and carrying a giant stick just cause. He’s so silly

[crypticmushroom]

au where Stan gets Ella Enchanted-ed

[crypticmushroom]

WANTED

Looking for reputable lobotomists so i can actually work on my wips and not get distracted with stuff like this! Someone drill a hole in my skull so i can get some breathing room here! Or a manager!

Anyway i was pulling up my computer and my eye caught the small loz decal and my brain assaulted me with Gravity falls loz crossover because i get NO PEACE around here.

Bills Ganondorf for obvious reasons, holding the triforce of power.

Fiddleford's Princess Zelda, has the tirforce of wisdom.

And Fords Link! He wields the triforce of courage! He's here to be a hero and save the day!

Much like loz botw Ford got discovered early as the wielder of the triforce. He's thrust into lessons, and although he can wield a sword his actual talent comes from the arcane, learning spells. Which would be great! Except the Master sword is a sword, he needs to know how to use it? Whatever, they're in a time of peace, they might not even need the hero! And Prince Fiddleford can't really wield the triforce of wisdom effectively either, they'll learn together as they grow!

Enter Bill, the palaces newest advisor and reincarnation of evil. No one knows he has the triforce of power or plans to overthrow the kingdom with an army of monsters. Prince Fiddleford is suspicious of him but not for any tangible reason he can use to get him kicked out, and his paranoid and fearful nature makes everyone roll their eyes and dismiss his worries. Meanwhile Ford's absolutely charmed by the one adult who doesn't push for Ford to learn how to wield a sword and encourages his scientific curiosity. Bill covers for him so he can go run off in the woods and study creatures, says his swordsmanship is already decent enough, and they get along so well! Bill and the prince are Fords very good friends in the castle and its a time of peace and lifes good!

Then Bill strikes. He's finally, finally gotten to a point in the cycle of reincarnation where he can take out the prince and hero in one swoop. Prince Fiddleford is locked away and the hero is chained in the castle basement, there's no one who can stop Bill now! He's finally spit in the goddesses eyes and won! The ultimate demon king right here!

Except Stan is also still here.

Stan is Fords near identical twin brother, the one that some people wished was the hero except his personality is.. hmm. Their entire life everyone's moaned that maybe Ford inherited the heros spirit but Stan took the hero's skill. He's great with a sword, strong, but not willing to stick his neck out for others and has criminal tendencies he can't hide as well as Ford (and are generally more malicious. Fords mischievous in his own right but likes to appear to be law abiding). They were really close when they were younger but over the years everyone comparing them to each other drove a wedge between them, Ford hating that Stan's the better swordsman and Stan hating that everyone puts him down as the dumb twin who must have stolen Fords talent in the womb. Gets worse as they grew older and Ford finally started bulking up, slowly reaching then surpassing Stan's skill. Now Stan really is the extra twin here, unwanted and unneeded. Fords living it up in the castle and no one even realizes Stan's left to wander around the kingdom and try to find purpose in life as the hero's brother. Can't get a job because people keep going 'oh the hero! no wait, its you :/' and he hates it. Secludes himself in the woods and hangs out with the fairies and gets mopey that no one even tried to look for him (Ford noticed Stan left, but at that point their relationship was so strained he figured Stan was finally off to start his criminal life and drag Fords reputation through the mud. Which he sort of did but mostly on accident).

Bill is only sort of aware Stan exists but has no interest in him as he's not a person of prophecy. Does nothing to stop him when Stan realizes whats happened and goes on an Epic Quest to save the kingdom (which is really an Epic Quest to save Ford and maybe rub it in his face, and the kingdom just so happens to be a byproduct of that). Stan's not the Hero, but through doing the Heros Quest sorta becomes one a la Windwaker. He goes to the temples, gets the different artifacts, and since he and Ford are identical rumors spread that Ford is out there, fighting off Bill and here to save the day!

Which leads to Bill checking up on Ford chained in the basement far too often to make sure he didn't somehow escape the last ten times he checked. Like thats Ford right there, chained up and growling, so who's this other guy slaughtering Bill's demon henchmen and gathering the power to end Bill? Not Stan, that guys not worth anything, so maybe... Fords ghost? Is he astral projecting through sheer rage or something, whats happening here?

Anyway Stan finally gets to the point where he can get through the forest and retrieve the Master Sword except, for all his heroic actions, he's still not the Hero. He can't pull the sword that seals the darkness, he can't use it to save Ford.

Fine. He'll just make a new sword. The.. SUPREME Master Sword (similar to ww phantom hourglass if i remember correctly) . Take that Goddesses! Stan's not gonna quit because a sword doesn't like him or something! New quest time! He's gonna travel to the most obscure cursed and abandoned places and get the rarest mystical materials to take down Bill and finally prove he's more than the spare hero. Now he just needs to find someone to put everything together to make the sword that mega seals the darkness.

Well, Prince Fiddleford is a known inventor and smart guy, Stan was raised with the skinny nerd and watched him bring all kinds of things to life. All Stan has to do is rescue him, shove the materials into his hands, and BAM! New super weapon created and he can go take on Bill and save Ford and everyone will finally start mistaking Ford for him! Hah!

Saves Fiddleford from wherever Bill had him locked up to find the Prince insane from repeatedly wiping his mind because he couldn't handle the Horrors. Alright. Alright! Whatever! Stan can handle this! He's already cleared a million temples and run around the kingdom so much he has every rock memorized! Whats one more epic quest to restore the prince's lost mind!

So he does that, and then there's a heartwarming moment where Fiddleford is finally sane, reaches out to thank Stan, and ruins the moment by calling him Ford. The punch to the face is very deserved, they both agree.

But now Fiddlefords back to himself and cant take all of Stan's pocket stuff and make cooler stuff out of it. Fiddleford agrees, because Stan did save his life and help return his sanity, but spends the whole time asking why Stan doesn't just go and rescue Ford directly so Ford can draw the Master Sword and take down Bill? Thats sorta his whole thing? Stan's stubborn though, and at this point he's spent too long doing all the heavy lifting he's not gonna let Ford steal the show. Stan's gonna save the day and then people will finally see him for himself (and Ford will say thank you, and they'll be brothers, fighting off the remaining demon hoard and doing cool combo moves and it'll be great).

Yada yada, stuff happens, Stan takes his new cool Supreme Master Sword (Its not called that Stanley! Its the Sword that Cuts the Darkness and there's downsides Stanley! Stanley stop running off and ignoring my warnings!(unsure what the swords actual name is here. Maybe the Champions Sword (reference boxer Stan)? The Chosen Sword (have to chose to weld it)? The Ultimate Sword (for ultimate sacrifice)? Who knows.) to the castle to confront Bill and save the day, rescue Ford, be a hero, not the spare!

Except Bill's not there, Ford is, Stan does rescue him, but Ford is not happy to see Stan. He's furious.

Going through the temples is Fords job. Saving the day and being theHhero is the reason he was born, and Stan going around doing it meant Bill was taking his anger out on Ford, rubbing in the fact that maybe they were wrong and Stan was the hero all along, huh! Turns out Fords not the hero, he's the guy who stole the triforce of courage in the womb! He's the spare!

Fords been hearing this on repeat for however long this has been happening. Storms off to do the actual heroes journey as the actual Hero and makes himself even more furious at all the completed temples and the fact he can't find the hidden passages and defeat the monsters because Stan's already done it. Gets his blessings or whatever, stomps over to the Deku tree, pulls the sword, and goes off to find Fiddleford so the two of them can complete the prophecy and save the day. Even angrier when he finds Fiddleford already rescued (Stan really is stealing his life here, and if he's not the hero than who is he? What was this all for?). But Fiddleford is happy to see him at least! His old friend, and together they can-

Ah. Fiddleford wants to go after Stanley. Cool. Cool. WHY!

Turns out Stans Super Mega Master Sword (which existence infuriates Ford further) is made of super rare materials and blessed by the goddesses. Its the Sword that can Cut through the Darkness, and as long as someone has the spirits blessings they can wield it. Good thing Stan got all that when he did all those temples huh? So whats the problem asks Ford?

The problem is that Stan is not a hero or someone protected by fate and reincarnation. He does not have any part of the triforce like WW Link. He's impressed the goddesses and spirits with his tenacity and ability to do what only the hero should do, but is still not the Hero, and if he uses that sword to take down Bill its a literal double edged sword. He'll slay the darkness and take himself out with it. Probably. Fiddlefords a little unsure on the details because he was possessed a little when he made it but something bad will happen for sure.

Well Fords angry at Stan but not so angry he wants his brother to kill himself doing Fords job. Its a rush to track them both down and of course Ford and Fiddleford show up mid battle, both demon king and Stan looking rough but still in it to win.

Only part i'm unsure of is how it'd all end. Does Ford swoop in and deal the final blow? Sealing Bill and then turning to yell at Stan for ignoring warnings and almost killing himself? Does Fiddleford get in the final strike, preventing the brothers fighting from costing them the battle? Does Stan strike Bill down, and either dies with him, gets his mind wiped as the cost for finally defeating evil, become the new vessel for evil (cutting it out of Bill and it latching onto him?), maybe dies and becomes the sword spirit, maybe the price is Stan being unable to wield a sword again, maybe Stan disappears in a flash of light and now Ford has to save him? Endless possibilities, and in the end Stan was never the hero for the right reasons, and he wasn't the Hero but he was the hero who saved the kingdom.

Now i'm kicking this thing out so i can get some actual work done around here.

[crypticmushroom]

Au where when Stan goes to Ford’s house after the postcard, he has a concussion so when Ford checks his eyes the pupils are mismatched and Ford is like wtf and has to treat Stan while he wonders when exactly he got the concussion and if it was in New Mexico, how the heck did he drive all the way to Oregon while concussed

Oh man its one of my FAVORITE flavors of Gravity Falls AUs, where either Stan is fucked up or Ford is fucked up and they dont fight as much when Stan arrives.

Imagine youre Stan. Right, you're living a kinda shit life, not that anyone cares, and occasionally you get the shit beaten out of you for reasons that usually aren't ENTIRELY your fault. You've had more head trauma than is certainly healthy, you've lost an organ (or maybe two) past what's considered normal, and you've lived in your car for so long that if you told anyone that they'd look at you with pity, not that you'd want that. Life's not GREAT, but hey, you woke up the morning after you got hit in the back of the head with a crowbar and you can still count to five, so that's not so bad!

And then a postcard arrives. It's your brother, and judging by the fact that he's writing in that rushed blocky handwriting you only remember as the style he writes in while sleep deprived and stressed, you understand he's in deep shit.

Well. Fuck. Because so are you.

But YOUR type of deep shit (massive head trauma, malnourishment and withdrawals) is nothing compared to HIS type of deep shit (how bad does it have to be for him to call YOU?!) so you back your shit, kiss the roach infested motel room goodbye, and start operating heavy machinery to get to Oregon. (Which you KNOW you aren't supposed to do.)

As you snap back to actual consciousness for the sixth time in a row (WHILE DRIVING) you understand that maybe driving under the influence of a metal stick to the brain might not be the best idea. In fact its a bad idea. There's nothing more youd like than to pull over and just wait it out.

But Ford called you. And possible tramatic brain injury or not, you'll go.

Besides. Its not like Ford's gonna KNOW. The nerd is unobservant about people on a good day, and FORD, asking for HELP? The nerd is probably so wired on stress alone that he's not even gonna notice until the concussion has faded to a manageable level (or whatever problem Ford's calling you to fix is fixed) either way, it'll be fine.

And then your brother opens the door and shoves an honest to god CROSSBOW in your face, because apparently thats how he answers the door nowadays. Great. And THEN, because the Universe thinks this situation is hilarious and likes to fuck with YOU specifically, Ford drags you inside by the front of your sweatshirt and shines a flashlight DIRECTLY into your eyes.

One eye. Then the other. At first Ford starts to loosen his grip, and then all of a sudden the light comes right the hell back (Those are your EYES goddamnit Ford, that's too bright-) and even more intensive.

You can't actually SEE, but you can feel it in the air when Ford goes deathly still, going back and forth shining a light between one of your eyes and then the other one. Ow. You can't actually pull away, because your legs are a little weak, head trauma really just-oh. Right.

Ford's face looks very serious, and very concerned. Shit.

Imagine you are Stanford Pines. Paranormal Researcher turned horror movie main character, you haven't slept in days, haven't had anything but coffee in probably longer than that, and as a last resort, that final safety net, you send a postcard to your brother to help you with your little demon problem.

He shows up faster than you might have thought. It's been two days since you sent the postcard (granted you did send it via magical mailbox) but still, its a welcome sight.

You check your brother's eyes before he comes in. Its a safety procedure, and its perfectly normal in context, which is not something you'd share with your twin.

One eye, perfectly round pupil, the same solid brown as it's ever been. The other eye, brown, pupil tiny in the sea of Stan's eye.

Great, outstanding, not a single hint of yellow in either one, No Bill.

Wait.

You check again. Brown, brown. Something is wrong with this picture.

It takes you an embarrassingly long moment to realize Stan's eyes are different sizes. One is blown up wide, the other a pinprick.

That's not normal.

You were never one for medical research. It's certainly interesting, but nothing is as fascinating to you as weirdness. But everyone knows, or everyone should know, that someone with different sized pupils who doesn't NORMALLY have different sized pupils, is probably under the duress of a medical condition.

You tell your brother to smile. Its a common question to a possible stroke victim.

Stan does, wide and yet utterly confused, and he's missing a canine. You file that away for later.

Not a stroke. Probably a concussion. You drag your brother further into your house and as you do you realize he's walking funny, unbalanced and dizzy, and while his words dont slur you can hear that he sounds bad.

You remember that he DROVE to get here. Your brother does not look capable of driving.

He does not look capable of driving. He does not look alert enough to take your journal and get on a boat going anywhere. He does not look currently capable enough to stand on his own, let alone leave again.

Brain injuries are very serious. Your BROTHER'S brain injury is more serious to you than your current situation. You can't find yourself to actually be upset about that, especially with the knowledge that when you tell Stan he has a concussion, he waves it off.

When you tell him he shouldn't be driving, he asks you how else he was supposed to come help.

You lock the journal in a kitchen cabinet. You put the key into the toaster. Bill has problems with fine motor skills. He won't be able to fish it out properly.

You need to deal with this first.

That night, neither of you sleep.

[crypticmushroom]

What can I say lol, great angst writers think alike.

I feel like at the beginning Stan would definitely call Ford with a hospital phone, then when he gets a bit of his more negative memories he would call him from phone booths after escaping from the hospital. Definitely think that Ford would find out about how bad Stan is doing from a nurse calling about how Stan ran away with like 2 broken ribs and a very serious concussion. Which is when Ford finally tries to find Stan, who at this point has given up on getting his brother to talk to him.

It's been like what 2 months since stan tried to call ford, but the guy doesnt talk back. Well he did that one time but all he said was " You call me after 8 years and it's to catch up, I'm done with your shenanigans ,stanley" and ends the call. Who does that.

Well he didn't remember himself but after seeing that interview stan realized that guy looks like me . And then the memories start to flood in. He remembers he has a brother and how close they were and he is some how connected to the Mexican mafia(dont ask he is confused himself).

And cue in stanford who still is bitter about how stan didn't call for 8 years the science fair project.

Or

(Stan has a memory loss and tries his hard to reconnect with ford because why wouldnt he, he's his brother of course. And doesn't remember the incident . ford doesnt realize the sudden love hes getting after years of radio silence and is considerably confused angry )

[crypticmushroom]

It's been like what 2 months since stan tried to call ford, but the guy doesnt talk back. Well he did that one time but all he said was " You call me after 8 years and it's to catch up, I'm done with your shenanigans ,stanley" and ends the call. Who does that.

Well he didn't remember himself but after seeing that interview stan realized that guy looks like me . And then the memories start to flood in. He remembers he has a brother and how close they were and he is some how connected to the Mexican mafia(dont ask he is confused himself).

And cue in stanford who still is bitter about how stan didn't call for 8 years the science fair project.

Or

(Stan has a memory loss and tries his hard to reconnect with ford because why wouldnt he, he's his brother of course. And doesn't remember the incident . ford doesnt realize the sudden love hes getting after years of radio silence and is considerably confused angry )

[crypticmushroom]

Mabels' favourite month is pride month because she gets to make merch for everyone

[crypticmushroom]

Ugly coat Ford, you should get rid of it.

[crypticmushroom]

I've been thinking of writing a fic of all the ways Stanley Pines nearly died and was wondering if anyone would like to collaborate on this (can be stangst or comedic near deaths and Stan can be aware or not that he nearly died)

Like anyone who's interested could write one chapter each? 👉👈 and then at the end I'd upload it all together (with credits ofc!)

Either way I'm probably going to write this fic but I just wanted to know if anyone would like to play- I mean- write together (꜆꜄ᴗ͈﹏ᴗ͈)꜆꜄꜆

[crypticmushroom]

Unfortunate events leading to a SirenStan

Peeps should go check out @aroace-get-out-of-my-face Murstan AU! It's fantastic!

[crypticmushroom]

@dark-lord-of-awesomeness's venus vampire trap au is very very fun

[crypticmushroom]

Here's some Ford pov to go with the ice cream scene :)

Ford frowned at Stan's whimpering form through the bars of the cage. His brother was being very stubborn about the vampire thing, but it still hurt his heart to see him sweating and groaning, a strange parody of a normal vampires descent into a blood rage. He hadn't thought about what interrupting Stan mid meal would mean for his brothers hunger until they'd locked him up in their current makeshift safe house for a day and he started heating up.

All the other vampires he'd encountered were the exact opposite, becoming more and more corpse like the longer they waited between feedings. Skin clammy, cold, and chest still. Not Stan, he'd started sweating on the second day, skin getting more flush before paling from lack of blood. He kept moving, turning so he'd get more of his skin exposed to the cold air.

But he refused to feed from any of the blood bags the local hospital had... donated. He'd only get worse from here, and his denial about his true nature wasn't helping.

"Emma-May," he called, grabbing the muzzle he'd been adjusting, "I'll need your help putting this on, make sure he doesn't lunge."

Fiddleford muttered something, but Ford ignored him. His friend wasn't happy about keeping Stan alive, not with the risk his strain of vampirism posed. A type that had no known weakness they could find, that could blend in perfectly with humans, undetectable by normal means. The moment Stan realized the truth, the blood bath he could create if he escaped would be unstoppable, especially if he started turning others.

But Ford couldn't kill him. Not if there was a chance he could cure Stan, fix what Ford had unintentionally broken. The vampire plague was his fault after all, it was his job to set it to rights.

"Gotta find you a good shrink," Stan muttered, blinking brown eyes up at him, feverish and unfocused, "get your head screwed back on."

Emma-May helped Ford with the muzzle, holding Stan down while Ford attached it to his head. She might as well not have bothered, as he didn't do more than groan and roll his eyes at the treatment.

"Vampires are real," Ford said with a sigh, "and I'd like not to be turned by my own brother."

Stan grumbled, then closed his eyes. He hissed when Ford put his hand to his forehead, pulling away with a groan. Ford frowned back. Whatever strain this was, they had to figure out how to feed Stan before he lost it and either attempted to feed on one of them or died of starvation.

"Anything?" Ford asked, a few days later and sitting by Stan's feverish side. He'd stopped sweating, and his veins were now visible, thick and blue despite the slow beating of his heart. Other vampires went black, making this another point of difference between Stan and the rest of the undead legion.

It was giving him a headache, trying to figure out why.

"Nothing," Fiddleford muttered, typing away at his portable computer. They'd uploaded any and all texts on vampires they'd found the last year and organized it for other hunters to access, making a digital archive. Every other month or so they'd head back to Fords house (or the last stronghold , as the others had started calling it(only Ford(only privately))) and update it with anything new they'd been able to find.

Unfortunately none of Stan's traits combined into any kind of vampire they'd been able to find. They were either dealing with something incredibly obscure, or a whole new mutated strain entirely. Neither was ideal, but at least an obscure vampire bloodline would have something about how to get Stan to feed.

"We'll have to move him then, to the nearest safe house." Ford muttered, turning back to look at his brother, "maybe set up an IV."

"The others won't be too happy about that. That's why we set this up."

"I know. But I can't let him die, not when it's my fault he's like this."

"Stanford..." Fiddleford sighed, and a moment later the sound of typing resumed.

That was good. He was tired of others trying to convince him he wasn't to blame for every horror inflicted on the world by Bill. He was the one that freed the vampire after all, the one who trusted his heavy flattery and was too weak willed to fight off his hypnotism afterwards until it was too late to do anything.

Thankfully he'd found others to help fight against the rising tide of undead. There weren't many, and Ford warned each one of the horrors they'd be facing, and trained them the best he could under the circumstances, but it was better than the first two months when it had been him alone.

Stan whined again, distracting Ford from his thoughts. He frowned, then replaced the cloth on his forehead. They'd tried every method he could think of to get Stan to drink, short of cutting open his own wrist.

If it got any worse, he'd be tempted to try. He couldn't lose Stan, not after learning he already had.

Ford cursed as he unlocked the cage. This safe house hadn't been intended to house them long term and lacked the defenses they'd usually set up. None of them had noticed the small party of vampires until Emma-May was shouting and Fiddleford was scrambling to the basement. They weren't at their best either, too many sleepless nights trying to stabilize Stan while silently preparing for when whatever control he had finally snapped.

"Stanley!" Ford shouted, yanking the door open. Stan groaned softly, dead weight in Fords arms as he dragged him out of the cage. Fiddleford was hiding behind a tipped over table, crossbow shaking in his hands.

"Stanford-"

And then the door broke down, and all hell broke loose.

Ford snarled at the vampire as they rolled across the floor. Emma-May was trying to handle the other three the best she could, but Fiddleford was no front line fighter, and with Ford dealing with their hard hitter (which he'd dubbed Heavy), she'd have to make do.

Which she did remarkably well, until Fiddleford screamed and the vampire holding him yelled "freeze or I'll tear his throat out!"

Ford didn't dare, not with how the only thing stopping the vampire on top of him from crushing him into the ground was the silver lining his coat and his arms pushing it away. It didn't keep its hands off of him, but it did prevent it from pressing its weight on top fully. From the corner of his eye he saw Emma-May underneath the other two, one on each side of her and shoving her down.

"Well, what do we have here!" Ford turned slightly to see the last vampire holding Fiddleford with one arm, wrapping it around his friends neck while he whimpered. The other was holding Stan's face, gripping it tightly and lifting him off the floor. Stan's eyes flickered from the treatment, and he let out a low groan.

"Leave him alone!" Ford shouted, trying to squirm out from under the vampire pinning him down, "This is between you and me!"

"I don't think so," The vampire holding Fiddleford said. He had dark blood dripping down his temple from where Emma-May had slammed a crossbow into it near the beggining of the fight, and Ford mentally dubbed him Concussion.

"See," Concussion drawled, letting go of Stan and running a finger along Fiddlefords chin, "Lord Cipher was very displeased to learn you didn't get your present, even more so when he learned it wandered off on its own. He'll be pleased to hear you found it. But look!"

Concussion, grabbed the muzzle around Stan's mouth, one finger trailing the lines on his face.

"Its starving! Now that just won't do! A gift from Lord Cipher deserves only the best care, don't you agree Pines?"

Before Ford could object, Concussion ripped the muzzle off his brother, threw it aside, then used its newly freed hand and raked its claws along Fiddlefords arm. His friend screamed in pain, while he and Emma-May yelled in outrage. The other vampires breathed deeply, eyes lazer focused on the blood dripping onto the floor.

"Just breathe it in," Concussion said, taking a few steps back so Stan could push himself up and shake his head, "Really gets your heart pumping, doesn't it?"

"Stanley!" Ford shouted, just as Stan opened his eyes for the first time in two days. Gone was the warm brown of their childhood, replaced by two golden irises that glowed, just like they had when Ford had first stumbled upon his brother in that dark alley.

But that wasn't all. The whites of his eyes had turned a deep red, his pupils the barest of pricks. They blinked as Stan lifted his head, taking a deep breath through his nose, then opening his mouth.

As Ford watched, six fangs exposed themselves, glistening in the light of the basement. His brother scanned the basement, panting heavily, until his eyes landed on Fiddleford. His pupils disappeared entirly, focused on the easy meal in front of him.

"Stanley!" Ford yelled again, trying to throw Heavy off of him, Emma-May screamed from across the room, the floor muffling her shouts, "Stanley, listen! Don't- Stanley!"

Between one blink and the next Stan was gone, reappearing in frond of Fiddleford in a burst of speed far outstripping that of any vampire he'd seen (except one). He watched in horror as Stan grabbed Fiddleford by the front of his shirt (silver doing nothing to stop him), ripped him out of Concussion's arms-

then threw him to the ground.

Everyone froze, even the vampires, as Stan grabbed Concussions head, jerked it to the side, then bit its neck. Concussion screamed, writhing, until Stan pulled it closer and bit harder. It went limp as dark blood started to slowly make its way down its chest and drip on the ground, leaning its weight on Stan as it got paler and paler. The blue veins started to fade as Stan drank, then cut through the silence with a deep rumbling sound.

Like a purr.

Ford could see Concussions panicked eyes, see its mouth trying to move, before it stopped twitching completely. Stan let go a moment later, and the body crumpled, skin shrivled and starting to crack.

No one moved as Stan sniffed the air again, licking the blood off his lips, then turned to face the rest of the room. His face was covered in blood, the veins less noticeable but still prominent, and his eyes still gold on red. He turned to the two on top of Emma-May, and between one blink and the next he was ripping one of them off of her. Just like Concussion, he bit hard into its neck.

Unlike Concussion, he let go, the vampire collapsing at his feet as he turned to grab the other one before it could scramble away. He jerked its head to the side and bit into its neck, this time holding it close and drinking it dry. Just like Concussion, it's paniked eyes flicked around the room, its body twitched, getting paler and paler, until it stopped completely, skin dry and crumbling as Stan dropped it.

Emma-May had taken the chance to crawl over to Fiddleford, both of them pressed against the bars of the cage as they watched Stan lean down to grab the vampire on the floor.

It hadn't moved from where he'd dropped it. Not from lack of trying, but whatever Stan had done had made its limbs a stiff mess, making it unable to do more than twitch on the ground and make a high pitched keening noise. It whimpered as Stan lifted it up and cradled it in his arms, then gasped as Stan bit into its neck, draining it until it was just as dry as the first two.

By the time he was done the blue veins had disappeared, and his skin was back to a healthy, living tint. Ford watched him turn to face Heavy, the vampire still pinning Ford to the ground and frozen in fear. His brothers eyes were still gold and red, and they blinked lazily as he licked his lips and studied them.

"Ssssssssoundssss ssssso nicce," he said, his voice, slurred and rumbly from the dying purr in his chest. Then he did something strange. Instead of lunging and grabbing Heavy like he'd done with the rest, he stood there, slightly sweaty and tilted his neck. The air seemed to get heavier, and Ford wrinkled his nose as a metalic smell begam to flood the room.

A moment later he had to scramble to catch his balance as Heavy pulled itself off of him. It stood up straight, and even from here Ford could see the dazed look in its eyes, before it stumbled forwards towards Stan. Stan didn't move as it got closer, just kept watching it, until they were face to face over the bodies of his other two meals.

Heavy slowly grabbed the side of Stan's head, then leaned down, mouth open. Stan did nothing to stop the movement, just stood there until Heavys mouth began to close in his neck.

Ford let out a strangled shout, flipping over to get up and jump the vampire while it's back was turned.

In an instant his hands were clutching Heavy's shoulders, and his teeth were digging into its neck. The vampire gasped, then yelled and tried to pull away, grabbing at Stan's hood and pulling. Stan just bit harder, until something crunched and Heavy went limp.

But Stan pounced first.

Then he started to drain it, hands moving to hold Heavy's weight as the vampire slumped in his hold.

Ford stood slowly, keeping his eyes locked on his brother. He didn't seem to notice, eyes half lidded and unfocused as Ford made his away around the room until he was in front of Fiddleford. He exchanged glances with Emma-May, neither of them saying a word, and she nodded at her husband, then moved around the room to get at Concussions disintegrating body, and conveniently flanking Stan.

Ford kept his eyes locked on Stan, watching as he drained the vampire dry of everything it had. It was only when its skin started to crumble like the others that Stan let go, dropping the body and watching the skin crack.

Ford tensed as Stan twitched, then looked around the room until his eyes met Fords. They slid past him towards Fiddleford, flickered over the still bleeding wound on the mans arm, then-

-away. Stan turned to look at Emma-May, then looked back at Ford, licking this lips and smearing blood all over himself. He took a stumbling step forwards, and Ford tensed, ready for anything.

Except for what happened.

Instead of lunging, or fleeing, or any of the dozens of normal behaviors for a vampire at the end of a blood craze, Stan smiled. The gold and red in his eyes faded with each step towards him, until they were nose to nose and back to their human brown.

Then Stan pitched forwards, resting his head on Fords shoulder, and rubbed his blood soaked face into Fords neck. He froze, heart thudding in his chest as he watched Stan from the corner of his eye. Emma-May started to approach, and he shook his head slightly.

He had a theory, and he trusted Stan enough to test it out.

Just as he thought, Stan surprised him again. Instead of biting into the healthy human neck in front of him, he did something completely unexpected.

"Thanks," Stan whispered, fangs already disappearing, "For sharing."

Ford didn't have time to comprehend what Stan just said before his twin opened his mouth in a wide yawn, exposing his human looking teeth. He pulled away and rubbed at his eyes, then looked around the room.

Ford didn't stop him as he shuffled past him into the cage, just watched with the others as Stan walked through the still open door, grabbed the blanket he'd been kicking off for the past week, wrapped it around his shoulders, and threw himself into the cot. A moment later he was snoring, falling into a food coma after stuffing himself.

"I think," Ford said, reaching up to wipe at the cold blood smeared across his neck, "That we're fine."

"Fascinating," Emma-May said, coming up to stand next to him and grabbing Fiddlefords bloodied arm, "No wonder he held on for so long. A strain that feeds on other vampires. He never had any interest in us, because he doesn't prey on humans."

"Thank the lord," Fiddleford muttered, voice shaking, "That was far too close for comfort."

"Agreed," Ford shook off the strange mood of the basement, bursting back into action, "Lets pack up, relocate to a secure location. This should never have happened."

Emma-May and Fiddleford grunted, finishing up taking care of his arm before moving to help load up the cars with all their gear. Ford shoved all of his things into the one they brought, then carried Stan's sleeping form and laid it down in the back seat of the Stanley Mobile (after wiping off the blood and changing his shirt. Stan didnt stir, just kept snoring). He'd cleaned it out as best he could the past week, so there was enough space back there for Stan to curl up, deep asleep after his heavy (hah!) meal.

They'd have to send word for another group to clear out the rest of the nest, if there was anything left to clear after the raid and Stan's meals.

The existence of a vampire that hunted and ate vampires was a little more pressing (And he needed to get Stan somewhere safe as soon as possible).