cruxifisies

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Strength in Fractures

Jakarta, August 13, 23.

The first word that comes to mind when I think about life is growth. Whether inside or outside, every cells are growing throughout our lives. To take note the most engaging part of growing is to be able to learn and re-birth again as a new soul. A remark to my re-birth that I would say I'm the most grateful about—for I treasure a lot and I ponder deeply in every hardship—when I finally learn how to beat myself and stop putting myself as the center of my life.

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ." — 1 Corinthians 3:11 (NIV)

Well, that sounds really controversial and quite bold when most people encourage you to put yourself first. Fret not, I was also struggling with that kind of mindset, before. I used to thought that my own wellness depends on how I put myself in my life, but oh boy, was I completely mistaken about it. I started to discover what does it mean to grow and live as a mature person through His command. Putting myself first over everything; not a completely wrong idea in few views. To say, it should not be the main idea that you should hold upon to.

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." — Ephesians 4:14-15 (NIV)

When it comes to growing, you no longer live by your own rules, but you are faced with dozens and millions of customs that you should follow along. But, it's not merely about that. As you grow older, you ought to live mature. Some people define mature as getting tougher and resilient, being able to endure.

Have people reminded you that being mature also inquire broad heart to live in love? Living in love unconditionally sound really close to how Christ have made his life as the true exhibit. You no longer question, "How this would impact me?" Instead, you know that, "God puts impact through this"

You're not putting your wellness as the purpose in living, but how can you contribute in serving through the grace that you are blessed with. What would happen if you live in the pathway that He paves for you? You understand what does it mean to contribute and fully offering yourself to be basked in joy though you shall have no idea what storm have to come over you. People's responses are diverse and how you respond to it will also differ whether it will become a root of bitterness or a push through to joy. Self control started from defeating your own guts to be the main focus of your life, let Him rules your life, let His path lead your way, let Him be the control.

"Wherefore you are no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ. Nevertheless then, when all of you knew not God, all of you did service unto them which by nature are no gods." — Galatians 4:7-8 (UKJV)

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William Styron, Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness

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Paid Mailman

Jakarta, July 13, 23.

Today, I woke up in the same room again. Wore the same clothes that I wore weeks ago. A very mundane life that you would expect. As I walk down my way, I saw a gigantic crowd of people and I walked past them. Life sometimes are A to Z, but sometimes they are just A, stagnant. I can tell these people went from A to D, A to J, and more. The path of people's lives gradually brought idea that question your stance,

"Then, how much is enough? How long to know it's enough?"

Out of the blue, I stopped running my errands and I left them while I stare and listen to the sound of trickling waterfall. Of eggs, peanut butter, rolled oats, lactose-free milk that I left in the cart, it gets me wondering once again. I start to wonder, where did life went wrong when people start to tell that they're mature now? Or why—out of all things—people will always answer to rhetorical questions with uncertainty?

Then I look back at that one page that I left with the dried mark of lightened ink. I am always on the headlines, all about myself. Always think it's necessary to say it out loud about who I wished I can be. Was it my dream? Or my overwhelming ambition that I got hooked up by for time to time. Then, dumbfounded it is, in my case. I've been walking through the same wrong streets for I cannot reckon how long.

I remember the sound—something so vivid and radiant—coming out from the corner of my heart. The sound told me to build His house. I thought, which house it is? Am I there? Until He brought it again, I'm home, I'm already in The House. It's in me, on me. Then, it clicked right away, why would I run the wrong game in the wrong field? It's His field, so should His game be the rules. Oddly enough, there's no defeat in His game, which still mesmerize me.

So, I signed in, I armed myself with the best force. It's for the purpose of deployment. Then, I can think of how it's odd enough too to let a soldier churn the cream and vice versa, but in this game, He enables all things, superficially. And with courage, I count on every single thing happened in this occasion. I have meticulously analyse it, I could've lost this war, badly.

Then, how these things happened? Remember that we had to go through all of this game. But, His greatness shut my mouth right away. It's unfair. How could I mine gold and silver, I barely fought for the war. All I know, I found His house. He came closer to my embrace, I am stunned out then. So, these are all for me? Whether I win the game or not? But there's no trace left on besides His generosity.

"But seek all of you first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." – Matthew 6:33 (UKJV)

[cruxifisies]

Relentless Redemption

Jakarta, June 24, 23.

“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!”

Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” – John 12:27-28 (NIV)

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What comes to your mind when you are faced with obstacles? Some words can be linked closely to it; fear, tiresome, hopeless. It's apparent to us that as we grow up, getting older, we're getting way familiar with obstacles. It seems like obstacles come after one to another. It's an unending phase of trial. The form of obstacles might be varied for each of us.

But I can surely announce it to you—that you would never be free from obstacles. Yes, it's the truth. Even if we have entrusted our lives to Jesus? Especially if you have entrusted your life to Jesus.

"Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." – 2 Timothy 3:12 (NKJV)

Then, some of us might be starting to question, "What's the point of these challenges in our lives?" To taught us how to live in His discipleship

We are brought—He has chosen us even before we chose Him to rule our lives—to this universe by His love. He is processing us everyday, through every single moment in our lives, to ensure us that none of these obstacles are ours to bear. You would always be surrounded with obstacles, always and it's all because you are blessed by His grace and His power. He wants to show you what He can does to your life with His power, through your obstacles. So that you no longer rely the obstacles all to yourself but rather to His power and solely by His grace.

Profoundly saying, you are not given obstacles day to day because you can survive through it alone. No, you wouldn't be able to endure it alone. But, His presence can. His presence can guide you to walk even in a dark cave without flashlight. Obstacles are not given to test out your ability, they're there to strengthen your faith. How faithful you are to the truth that He will keep you safe in His lane? So, if you're still battling with obstacles to this day, still getting beaten up and feeling it's hard to get back up. Accept His presence in your life. Ask Him to guide you with His light. Let your Holy Spirit to talk to you. Stop relying and taking it all to yourself. Starting from today, raise your hands to Jesus. Let Him lead you along the way.

May His wisdom will always surround our lives and let His blood wrap our prayers. To His name that we pray to. Let the blessings of Holy Spirit come upon us. Amen.

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Coming from Sacrifice

I publicize this page as my platform to share my personal writings through devotion, scriptures, or short journal. Contents will be heavily involved by mundane references. All of the posts are directed to be freely consumed by anyone.

Tag: self-development, philosophy, theology, christianity, psychology, personal care

Feel free to interact with my writings and save it if it pleases you. This page is a safe space. I'm willing to receive feedback and question. Drop it to my inbox or through my Retrospring.

Best regards, Ivy.

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“We are always rewarded in the end for our good will, our patience, our fair-mindedness, and gentleness with what is strange, as it gradually casts off its veil and presents itself as a new and indescribable beauty.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science

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I’m delighter to have my work paired with Adam Bellefeuil’s in The 2017 Lenscratch Photographic Conversations Exhibition