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Hi dad, I just wanted to say I missed you and hope you're well. Have some tea, relax, and try not to keel over from old age alright king? /t -🪽Wilbur

i’m okay mate! i miss you too :D

I’m kind of barred from tea until further notice because I had five cups in one day

also >:(

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Joy Sullivan, from Instructions for Traveling West: Poems; “Instructions for Traveling West”

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longing for romance again, how i miss having someone to hold and kiss

(or queerplatonic? but i don’t entirely grasp what that means)

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“why do you stretch your shoulderblades so much?” my wings boy. boy my wings

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preening was more intimate than baby-making in my source, though it wasn’t always romantic

(flirting) i would let you preen my wings

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it is me

black bird / crow stimboard !!!!!!!!1

[ 🐦‍⬛ 🗝️ 🪶 / 🐦‍⬛ 🗝️ 🪶 / 🐦‍⬛ 🗝️ 🪶 ]

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i bet having wings would majorly improve my depression.

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i’ve been longing for source lately, to the point I’ve had to lay weighted plushies over myself and pretend it’s techno

my wings feel like they’re stuck and binded beneath my skin, struggling to stretch and move at all, i can feel the ghosting of my feathers, and it’s all agonising

i want to fly, i want to be with my friends again, i don’t want to be grounded in an apartment of people i don’t recognise, i want to be in my cabin in the tundra with my techno.

the fact my entire reality, everything i thought to be true was all fabricated by somebody we don’t even know is.. difficult to grapple with. i can’t even look in the mirror without feeling some kind of ache, this body isn’t mine, the people i perceive as my friends aren’t mine, nothing is mine

i keep thinking i’m so source detached, that because i know i’m not actually “philza” that i don’t have to worry about it, but it keeps coming back to bite me, i keep having to cry and cling to stuffed animals that vaguely look like my friends as i struggle to even fall into a restless sleep, let alone a good one

i’d wander through the forest more and learn how to use a sword (fun fact, we have a real katana!) but this body’s too fragile, too wrong a wrist flick and it’s rendered useless for the rest of the day, too bad a fall and i can’t get back up

i’m feeling rough right now, and i don’t know why, i suppose sometimes caretakers need care too, even if i try to act above it all

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<3

what r they reading….

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poking my head in here to say your blog is vv pretty m8, and I wish you luck with it :> from one crow to another ay

thank youu!! I just made two blogs on a whim..

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this is techno and i

i do have an actual plush from the techno store but it’s tiny, and this one’s weighted… oh how i long for that laying youtooz plush :’(

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what random unexplained body pain is phil experiencing today?

chest pain!! it feels like somebody popped a tiny hole in my right lung.. aggh.. also hand pain..

my phone is also all over the place and opening random tabs and overstimulating somebody lay on ne

might be falling into a midnight spiral (of depression)

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someone get me out of here

I'm an angel in the sense that I'm a fucked up little creature that doesn't belong in this world

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🌲 — hii mates.. welcome to my hollow, where i am my normal self compared to my caregiver blog

(which still isn’t that different, but uhh yk @thelarknest)

i don’t imagine i’m gonna post super lots here with the exception of reblogs? i might just appear with responses to asks, vents/rants, and miscellaneous braining

ask me whatever in the section, just don’t be super strange

i’m not like MAJORLY attached to my source..? however i still struggle with it (especially sourcemates), let me know if i overstep any kind of boundary

some more in depth info and DNI beneath the cut!

my name is philza, or phil, i might go by a different name eventually but not sure

my pronouns are he / tea / chess / chirp / wing / hymn

i’m a caretaker within our system, and maybe host, i typically deal with littles and the body

i am bisexual and ambiamorous? uh, not really sure if that matters

my sources are both DSMP and QSMP

i supposedly like tea way too much, i also adore trinkets, so i might end up posting findings and makings

i like to draw! i also sort of like to write, i like collecting trinkets and wandering as well, i like to bake and (kind of) cook (baking is easier because it’s stricter)

#｡　phil’s thoughts !　˘　🪴　𓏲 — really just any post that isn’t any of the below

#｡　vents !　˘　🪴　𓏲

#｡　reblogs !　˘　🪴　𓏲

#｡　replies !　˘　🪴　𓏲

please DNI if you’re any of the following!:

radqueer, endogenic (or supportive of), racist, sexist, MAP, homophobic, ableist, etc. and of course, follow your own dni!

thank you!!