crepuscularmelody-blog

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Hello again, I honestly had no idea what else to do for your birthday, because no material object can be as precious as you, and no words can describe how lovingly I see you.

Damn, a year ago I wrote a similar message here, with my heart beating so fast, my hands shaking out of nervousness, and some tears falling from my eyes. They didn't change. A year has passed and I'm still as nervous and teary as before, maybe the only thing that changed is how fucking sure I am that I love you.

My love for you changed because it grew bigger, every day, every hour, every second. Sabi nga sa kanta, "I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow." We both never imagined we'll come this far, both in our lives and in our relationship. I'll always be thankful to you for every single thing you did, for every words you said, and for every second you spent with me. 

You make me feel like I’m the luckiest, happiest, bravest, and most beautiful person in the world, and maybe it’s my life mission to make you feel the same, or even more than that.

I love you. I love you everyday, and I realized how I love you even more so everytime a tough day comes. I'm always here, and every waking day I'll give my all to be better and better.

I can’t wait to celebrate all of your birthdays with you, and spend the rest of my life beside you.

I love your entirety with my entirety.

*hugs and kissesssssssss*

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ang gago ko para maniwala at umasa sa inyo.

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someday, you don’t have to wait for me to finish eating, to arrive at the meeting place, to be back to my senses again.someday, you don’t have to try to understand me why I keep on zoning out, why I hurt myself, why I hate me.someday, you don't have to look for me for when I don't go to school, for when you need me, for when you don't and you just miss me.someday, you don’t have to wait for me because I'll be the one to go first.someday, you don’t have to try to understand me because I guess neither I can understand.someday, you don’t have to look for me because I won't be anywhere anymore.someday you don’t have to, and you can’t.

180126 // Alice (via crepuscularmelody)

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I want to die right now.

I want to die right now. But how?

I want to die right now. I want to mercilessly draw scribbles till the paper is filled with holes, only that the paper is my wrist so maybe I can focus more on the physical pain, and not this seemingly endless suffering. But the mere thought of anything sharp going through my skin makes me nauseaous, so maybe I can do something else.

I want to die right now. I want to go to the main roads and play tag with trucks or just lie on the road, with the hopes of  each bone being crushed, along with the memories and thoughts that I have to deal with. But then the driver might be sued for something that I wanted, or die with guilt, so maybe I can do something else.

I want to die right now. I want to jump off of a cliff, leave no traces behind as the forest will naturally devour me sooner or later, just like how these dark thoughts devour me each night, feasting on my hope and wishes. But planning and looking for a place where I won’t be found by anyone will take time, so maybe I can do something else.

I want to die right now. I want to hang myself and not let anything in me, just like how suffocating it feels to live everyday and how I should’ve never trusted and let them get through these walls, for they were built high for a reason. But if I do it in the house, the image of my grandmother seeing me lifeless in my room pains me even more. I don’t want her to have a heart attack for she is the only one with me most of the time, so maybe I can do something else.

I want to die right now. I want to spend my last moments with the ocean, slowly going deeper as I prepare to fill my lungs with saltwater, and letting myself slowly sink, just like how deep the rabbit hole I fell into is. But then I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, and as I looked up my uncle smiled and told me to be careful, so I did something else.

I want to die right now. I want to intoxicate myself with the bottle of pills that I never drank when I was sick, just like how intoxicating it feels to try to go to sleep at night with unwanted voices, and waking up in the morning with another unwanted day. But then the next morning I found myself lying on a pile of barf merely remembering what happened; the second attempt slapped me in the face as a phone rang and i heard my mother’s voice, what now?

I want to die right now; I want to end this pain just like how they ended my childhood; I want to take my life just like how they stole my old self from me; I want to stop being a burden to my family and friends. I–.  My family and friends, the people I hold onto so dearly, the only ones I’m left with, the stars that I stare at each night.. how can I die?

I want to die right now, but my passion in dancing and singing and writing and art in general might die too. I want to die right now, but the promise of giving back to my parents would die too. I want to die right now, but the person who’ll hug him each night and take care of him will die too. I want to die right now, but the dreams of giving justice and helping other people not become like me will die too. I want to die right now, but the chance of making people smile or even laugh for a second will die too.

I want to die right now, but am I not dying everytime I lie in bed all day and soak my pillow in self-loathe?

I want to die right now, but I can’t because sometimes it’s a good thing that I love other people more than me.

I want to die right now, but I wont.

171228 

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One of my favorite works | maocool

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Where are you..? ^^

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Time. Time can be cruel. It is something that is considered as one of the very few things that limits us humans from doing everything that we wish to do. This invisible treasure can be seen more dear than red diamonds, with it just passing by each breath, each heartbeat, with each ticks and tocks. Its entire existence nor value can never be compared to anything. But is it not time that makes our life, life? Time's infrequency, time's fluidity, time's uncertainty. We can try to create the time of our lives, but we can never be able to create time itself. This is why time is the most precious gift that anyone can offer.

with that, i will give you mine // Alice (via crepuscularmelody)

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~ Dabbing my way through life 🍕🥟🍞 ~

p.s.  get my imessage + line stickers 💖

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cats be having beaned toes

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1-15-13: Day 310

claude meow-net and the dream of fish

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when?

i shall cease to love you when

the sun no longer shines,

the world no longer spins,

the stars no longer twinkle,

and the universe no longer exists.