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❝ don’t you know better than that by now ? ❞ (dani)

amadeus smiled,  a small and crooked thing.   part of him felt like   —   he wasn’t sure.  laughing,  maybe,  but he didn’t give into that feeling;   amy had a hunch the sound would be small and crooked,  too,  and he had enough presence of mind,  still,  to not want to sound like that in front of dani.   it was fucked up of him   (maybe,  definitely.  almost assuredly the word here was definitely)   but he liked the thought that she was someone who might mistakenly believe he had his shit together.   laughing like that,   all hollow and hopeless,  wouldn’t help keep up that illusion.   “I should probably know better than that by now,  yeah,”   he agreed.   amy did laugh,  then.  scrubbed a tired hand over his eyes.   fuck it.   if the illusion shattered in front of her,  he thought,  at least dani wouldn’t use it against him.   “no,  I should definitely know better by now.  I do.  sometimes I just   …   d’you ever feel like we’ve been robbed of the room to make dumb choices?    sometimes I want to do the dumb thing I really want,   and not be so afraid of what comes after that.  you know?”

[crabbcs]

So tell me everything. Who are you seeing, ignoring, fucking? Seriously, how have you been?

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poudlard​  ━     amadeus & albus

most people wouldn’t be surprised to hear that albus had done something reckless without even thinking first. in fact, that was pretty much the way the middle potter child wanted others to see him. and though it had become somewhat of a role at that point, there was still some truth behind his reputation.

however, albus potter wasn’t usually the kind of person who willingly made himself vulnerable. and especially not in an emotional way. therefore, it really didn’t make sense for albus to suddenly decide that there was no better place for him to be at, right after a horrible battle, than his ex-boyfriend’s apartment. and yet, that was exactly where albus found himself as soon as he was able to get away after making sure that everyone left back there was safe. 

albus had no right to be here, really, and he was aware of that. problem was, it felt like all his nerves where on high alert, and like all the emotions he had repressed for the last few months were seconds away from bursting right out of his chest, and he couldn’t bring himself to care about what he was supposed to do. albus didn’t want to do what was right; he wanted to do what felt safe. and sure, maybe his definition of safe wasn’t the most conventional, but there was no one albus felt more like himself around than amy, and he couldn’t even imagine seeking anyone else than the other boy at the moment. not that he needed that much of an excuse to want to see his ex, really.

❝ i— i’m sorry. i don’t know why, i just… fuck, amy, i just, ❞ albus swallowed nervously in the middle of what was meant to be a sentence, suddenly running a trembling hand through his hair, and wincing as he came in contact with a bump — maybe a bruise? — that he hadn’t even realized was there beforehand. ❝ i just… fuck. i just needed to see you, okay? i’m sorry, i know i shouldn’t, but fuck. this sucks so fucking bad, and i just… i didn’t think. i don’t think, and i needed… i needed to see you. to be with you for a while. i’m sorry. ❞

“ merlin,  fuck,  don’t be sorry,  al, “   amadeus said.   he was close enough to see that albus’ hands were shaking,  and amadeus felt his heart skip a beat,  fear tearing through him stronger now that albus was here than it would’ve been if he’d let himself worry about albus when fleeing the battle.   it was like not allowing himself to worry had only made it stronger,  kept hidden away behind worries for val and the rest of his family.   he was flooded with it:   the worry,  strong as a tidal wave.  he knew he shouldn’t want to reach for albus anymore,  should have forced away the need to hold him   —   but he found he was suddenly so tired of pretending.  albus was in front of him,  close enough to touch;  he was going to touch him.   

amadeus didn’t bother waiting for albus to drop the hand from his head before he surged forward through the last stretch of space separating them,  folding his ex - boyfriend into his arms.   he turned his head so his face was tucked into albus hair,   and whispered fiercely,   “ I don’t ever want you to be sorry about needing to see me.  okay? “   he thought maybe this was the sort of thing he should say while looking at albus,  but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away even a little.   “ even if   —   just,  ever,  okay?   no matter what,  if you need me for something,  or,  or if you need somewhere to go,  I want you to   …   my door’s always gonna be open for you,  al, “   he breathed out,  not sure he’d said much of anything.   

there were a thousand things he’d wanted to say to albus since they’d broken up,  but suddenly none of them seemed as important as making sure he knew amadeus was always going to want him safe.  safe,  and with him.   

“ are you alright? “  he asked again,  pretending that the rabbit - fast pace of his heartbeat was slowing down.   “ d’you   —   “   amadeus forced himself to pull away now,  just enough to see albus’ face.   his hands still clung tight to his shoulders.   “ do you need anything?  I can   …   cook,  or get you a drink.  do some minor healing spells,  y’know,   little stuff I learned from the job.  just.  anything you need,  I can get. “

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brckenhecrts​​   ━     amadeus & pippa

ONCE a week, Pippa finds herself spending her lunchbreak RUNNING AROUND KNOCKTURN ALLEY like a headless chicken while trying to complete a list of random chores set to her by her mother. USUALLY, it involves picking up strange and unusual orders from dark shops, meeting equally dark figures down damp side streets to pass on messages, and sometimes, it’s as simple as picking up a coffee for her because ‘the shit they sell at the office is just not good enough.’ and ‘i’m simply too busy to go myself, so Phillipa, will you just do as I ask and not complain about it for once in your life?’ so once a week, she spends her hour break completing her mother’s to do list and biting her tongue.

Today is that day, and she’s quite chuffed with herself when she exits the coffee shop with half an hour to spare. She pulls her hair back slightly, allowing herself to breathe a sigh of relief before placing her bags on the ground and reaching for her cigs. as she pulls one out of the packet, a familiar voice cuts through the air and she looks up, unable to stop the childish grin. ‘‘Oh, hey! ’’ she says a little too enthusiastically, GOD, she used to have such a crush on Amadeus Crabbe when she started at Hogwarts. she wonders if he knows? i mean, she was pretty fucking obvious, so it would be weird if he didn’t. ‘‘ it has, hasn’t it? how have you been? ’’ oh merlin, are you BLUSHING Pippa? stop blushing! you’re not twelve anymore!

amadeus tried not to look so outwardly amused.   he didn’t want pippa to think that he was laughing at her,  or anything;   she was just so high energy,  excitable,  almost,  that her mood was infectious.   he felt an even wider grin split his face,  crooked,  from the effort of not letting it morph into laughter.   the levity was welcome;   he knew that  ‘ how’ve you been ‘  was as standard a question as you could get when running into someone for the first time in a while,  but he still hated hearing it,  hated having to answer it.   how had he been?  great.  how was he now that he was back?   well,  less than great,  that was for sure.    

pippa didn’t need to know all that.   no one that asked that really did;   amy was great at plastering an easy smile on his face and answer questions like hew as supposed to.   “ I’ve been doing alright,  pippa,  thanks, “   he said,  inclining his head her way.   “ being back is nice. “   a half lie,  kind of,  though pippa didn’t need to know that.  he nodded at the drink in her hand in place of elaborating.   “ this place looks new   —   though I used to not drink coffee,  so maybe I just never paid attention to it before.  is it any good? “

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@amortcntias​   ━     amadeus & amma

amadeus was fond enough of his apartment;   it didn’t quite feel as much like home as his place in sweden,  warm and crowded and bright,  all his flatmates other people who worked on the dragon reserve.   but he’d only been here for a few months,  and he’d been building that life in sweden since finishing hogwarts.   and now it   —   well,  it wasn’t torn away,  not really.  amadeus knew,  logically,  that he could leave england as easily as he’d come back to it,  if he wanted.  but even though he could,  he couldn’t.   now he wouldn’t be leaving because he’d found a job he loved that his father couldn’t abide by.  he’d be fleeing a war;  leaving behind people he loved about to deal with it in his place.  

he couldn’t.   and not leaving had a price,  but he’d pay it.   though he didn’t like thinking of amma that way   —   it wasn’t her fault they were engaged,  or her fault that he hated it.   he was more than happy to invite her over to his place,  where at least being around each other didn’t feel so much like an act.   he waited for the tell - tale pop of apparition,  looking up at her with a small smile when it came.   “ hey,  amma, “   he said,  feeling like they should hug and not making a move to.   “ I keep meaning to get the floo set up between here and your place,  so you don’t have to bother with apparating every time. “

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❝ don’t you love me anymore ? ❞ ( from albus :D ... a less overdramatic one is coming your way asap tho kldjflksdjflkdsj )

amadeus scrubbed a hand over his mouth and left it there,  gripping tight to his chin,  like that would hide the hurt expression tearing its way over his face.   that isn’t fair,  he thought   —   once,  twice,  three times,  until the thought blurred to white noise like a siren in his head.   his throat felt tight;  he let his hand drop and turned his head to the side so he wouldn’t have to look at albus.  

that felt wrong.  he always wanted to look at albus.   maybe if he just gave it another moment,  it would pass.   maybe,  if he just gave it another moment,  he could forget albus’ question,  forget all of it:   the last several awful months and everything they left in their wake.   if he just waited another moment,  he could lift his head and look at albus and it would be like nothing had ever changed.  

“ I  —  “   amadeus began,  because he knew deep down that waiting wouldn’t change a thing.   his voice was small,  smaller than he’d have liked.   he cleared his throat and shook his head,  half - hearted and small,  trying to find a throughline in his hurt.   “ that’s not   …   you know,  you’ve gotta know,  that none of this has anything to do with not loving you. “   amadeus forced himself to turn his head to look right at albus.   it wasn’t quite like forgetting everything;  but looking at albus felt the same as ever,  the same,  amadeus suspected,  as it always would.   “ merlin,  albus.   that’s not even an option,  for me.  “

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amadeus crabbe  +  text posts 

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strvngemagics    ━     amadeus & selene

“Ooh, actually, you know what? I would love a hot butterbeer, but if you could just let it sit so it cools? I just need to know it was once hot. I know, I’m the worst. Thank you!” 

“ right,  well   ━   actually,  I ordered both of these as hot as is,  so we could probably just, “   amadeus trailed off and set one of the butterbeers on the side of their table.  “ let this one sit for a sec?  and it’ll cool down. “  he glanced up and grinned at selene.  “ easy.  it’s so cold here I’m sure it’ll be good to go in five minutes,  tops. “

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amy on instagram.  

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❝ i’m sorry. ❞ ( from albus! )

amadeus felt himself tense all over.  it wasn’t albus’ fault,  really;  but those words,  out of albus’  mouth,  hit amadeus like a punch straight to the gut.  it was like   ━   getting ice poured over his head,  like a thousand unpleasant things.  he wished it was any other awful reality,  that this conversation wasn’t happening,  now.  and still it wasn’t albus’  fault.  amadeus thought that albus should know that amadeus didn’t blame him for any of this,  but he didn’t know how to say it.  he felt like he didn’t know how to comfort albus,  anymore,  and he hated that most of all.  he shook his head,  used the motion as an excuse to look away from albus.  “ no,  c’mon,  al, “  he said,  trying to force himself to relax.  he let out a small laugh,  hollow and hurt.  “ you have   …   absolutely nothing to be sorry for. “  

amadeus shrugged,  and made himself look albus in the eye.  “ this is just   ━   how it is,  now.  how it’s gotta be.  but you don’t ever have to say sorry to me,  alright?  not for this. “

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❝ you’re too late. ❞ (lily)

“  —  for what? “  amadeus asked,  giving lily a timid smile.  he didn’t think he was,  you know,  timid,  as a rule or anything.  but he’d always felt like he didn’t quite fit with albus’ family,  and that feeling only increased tenfold now that he wasn’t anything to albus,  anymore.  as soon as the question left his lips,  he regretted it.  lily wasn’t known for pulling her punches,  amadeus knew.  he didn’t think he wanted to hear what she thought he was too late for,  if only because he was sure that he’d agree.  he forced his grin wider;  jovial,  almost.  faking it ‘til he made it,  in front of someone who would likely smell the bullshit for what it was.  whatever;  amadeus felt like he was allowed.  “ I promise you,  I try to be mostly on time. “

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memetaped​:

texting starters send a symbol for…

🌻 a worried text.

🐰 a goofy text.

🦋 a loving text.  

🧦 a half-asleep text.

🌳 a happy text.

🍎 an apologetic text.

⚠️ a text meant for someone else.

🕰️ an early morning text.

💫 a late night text.

🗑️ a text that wasn’t sent.

💡 a scared text.

💀 an urgent text.

🥇 a supportive text.

🔪 a hateful text. 

🌊 a sad text.

⚡ an angry text. 

🚀 a goodbye text.

amadeus,  cecily,  leander,  &  victoria

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@pippc​   ━     amadeus & pippa

amadeus didn’t think he could’ve been paid to join the death eaters.  now,  from his understanding,  they weren’t a group all that intent on paying their workers.  but if anyone asked amadeus,  that only counted as another strike against them.  he might not have known much about muggle armies,  but he thought even they paid their soldiers.  hell,  the reserve had paid him whilst he was only a trainee dragonologist.  the job wasn’t the world’s safest,  but amadeus still knew that the reserve put him in less danger than the death eaters put their members in,  and they’d paid him right out of hogwarts.  

he’d been kicked out by his father for taking the job;  and still he knew that cost wasn’t even close to the things the death eaters were asking of their young members.  

he was   ━   alright,  yeah,  roughly the same age as a lot of the young members.  and,  by virtue of not being one of those young members   ( and thank the god he didn’t think he believed in for that )   he only had suspicions telling him who they were.  but he was a perceptive motherfucker;  amadeus trusted that his suspicions were rarely wrong.  and he trusted that most of them could use someone checking up on them.  he was on the outside and already felt elbow deep in this shit;  amadeus saw a frazzled looking phillipa greengrass while he was running errands and thought,  might as well dive in.  “ hey,  pippa, “  he said,  grinning at her.  “ long time no see, eh? “ 

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@thirdwars​    ━     amadeus & danielle

he’d only just entered the coffee shop when he saw a familiar face.  amadeus missed sweden terribly,  in that moment.  he missed the dragons,  sure;  and all the expected,  little things you miss when you put your life on pause and move back home.  but he’d never thought to miss how he and his co-workers could pop into neighboring kopparberg for breakfast and not run into a single soul they knew.  he’d always been friendly by nature,  and had thought that,  if anything,  getting to catch up with people would be a plus of his decision. 

he was still great at all the nice,  polite,  catch-up  conversations;  they just drained him more than they ever had before.  he didn’t want to think much about why. 

“ hey,  dani, “   he said,  nodding at her in greeting.  even smiled,  a little.  amadeus might’ve wished,  briefly,  that he’d chosen a coffee shop in muggle london over this one,  but he wasn’t at all upset that dani was the person he’d bumped into.  she’d always been more val’s friend than his,  but it was nice seeing her all the same.  with her bright personality,  the ties she had to his sister   ━   it was hard not to care for dani.  amadeus hadn’t sought her out,  but now he found himself not minding the excuse to see how she was doing.   he asked,  “ how’ve you been? “  and hoped the sincerity of his inquiry came through.   

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@cursewrought​   ━     amadeus & valeria 

amadeus threw himself down on his couch next to val,  tired,  somehow,  even though he hadn’t really done anything that strenuous today.  he made a mental note to text his boss and ask if he could floo in sometime this week   ━   if he was going to be exhausted,  amadeus at least wanted to feel like he’d done enough work to earn it.  and the work,  it took his mind off all the things that were actually making him exhausted.   he looked up at val,  and wanted to ask if she was tired too,  but he’d had a sister for long enough that he knew asking shit like that sometimes came across as,  like,  a dig on her appearance.  

so,  he’d table that for later.  “ listen   ━  “  he began,  knowing full well that she kind had no choice but to listen to him,  since he was breaking the taut silence of his apartment;  and was,  also,  sitting right next to her.  “ normally,  I’m all for cooking dinner,  but I actually don’t think I can be trusted with a knife right now.  or,  an open flame,  or things we have plans to consume. “  he scrubbed a tired hand over his eyes and barely restrained his melodrama,  which was telling him to slide down to the floor,  to just lie there,  or something.  

“ you alright with ordering in?  you can pick,  I’ll eat literally anything I don’t have to make. “

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@poudlard​    ━     amadeus & albus

the telltale pop of apparation rang through his apartment like a muggle gunshot.  maybe amadeus was just on edge   ( who was he trying to fool?  amadeus knew he was on edge )  but the sound of it nearly sent him jumping a foot into the air.  he had something of an open door policy at his apartment;  val was always welcome,  and knew it,  but usually she used his floo connection.  part of him hoped that the rush of battle had just   ...   shocked her into forgetting,  this time.  he hoped it was her;  as amadeus turned,  hand on the wand in his pocket,  he wasn’t sure he was ready for any other option waiting in his living room.  

then he laid eyes on albus,  and knew that he absolutely hadn’t been ready.  

“ albus? “  he asked,  letting his hand fall to his side,  wand untouched.  he felt frantic,  all of a sudden.  his eyes raked over his ex,  searching for sign of injury.  he’d been worried about his sister ever since he left diagon alley,  but he hadn’t let himself think too much about albus.  stupid.  it figured the one night he forced his mind to focus on other things,  the universe conspired to bring albus right back to the forefront of his thoughts.  he couldn’t help it.  amadeus strode forward until he stood in front of albus,  reaching out for him   ━   then reminding himself he had no right to touch.  “ are you alright?  what’s wrong? “

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