coolskelaton27

[coolskelaton27]

Saw this ad on YouTube...

...What? Just what?

[coolskelaton27]

“It was clear to me the minute I saw the scene. The positioning of the body, the usage of a shoe lace and a bag of loose change, there was only one person who could have done this. Before I tell who done it, I must demonstrate how the murder went through. It was 9:16 pm CST.  The Shmeeze was taking a seemingly harmless stroll off the side of a road. It was at this point a large 1987 white with red stripe Chevy truck passed by. The engine rumbled with age, The Shmeeze, complacent in his stroll, took no heed to this omen of death. As the truck passed by The Shmeeze was taken aback, by non other than the murder, wearing a wet suit and snorkel to conceal themselves in the nearby lake. A struggle broke out, The Shmeeze unsheathed his combat blade he got off of eBay when buying coffins, he attempted to stab the assailant, but was over powered and stabbed, over and over and over and over, some much so the cheddar cheese in his pocket turned to swiss, but The Shmeeze was not done, and neither was his attacker. Determined to survive The Shmeeze attempted to heave himself to the nearby shack, a decrepit as it may be, it was his only chance at survival, but his killer did not cease in their assault. A pain, in the back of The Shmeeze leg, the attacker had thrown a puffer fish and it had punctured a major artery, it was only a matter of time before the poison within would take him, the fiend then pulled out the small bag of loose change they had taken from a young child earlir today, and beat The Shmeeze on the back of the head. Things were looking grim, but The Shmeeze was still not giving up hope, if he could get to the shack he could make a smoke signal and call for help. Within an instant, The Shmeeze started feeling a pulling on his neck, the killer had pulled out a shoe lace and started to strangle him, he fought hard against his doom, hard enough that this sick twisted monster, yanked him over to the cleverly hidden 50 gal drum of blackberry jam and shoved The Shmeeze face first into it. it was black, with a purplish tint to it, The Shmeeze knew there was no escape from this fate, there was a reason blackberry jam had been banned from warfare. However, as he conceded to his fate, a loud roaring could be heard, then a door slamming, and quickly followed by a loud bang from a gunshot. The grip on his neck loosened, and he rocketed his head to the surface, he notice the body of the wet-suit wearing person had rolled into the lake, where it was to be devoured by the local beaver population. Then he looked up and saw the face of the murderer, it couldn’t be, why, all those wonderful times all those fun memories, what had brought this person to choose murder, wait, the incident in cy- The Shmeeze thought was cut short with a resounding gunshot, heard for miles, then again, no one was around for miles, except for Roger. Yes he had killed The Late Shmeeze, and left his body to rot untill found the next morning. You see the reason that Roger had killed The Shmeeze, rooted back in what was known as the Cyprus incident. To make a long story short, The Shmeeze had been in a long time dealer ship of illegal rubber stamps, which in turn, drove Rogers business, Stamp Out to ruin. Roger found out and planned the entire murder, he hired a large Ukrainian hitman, named Gorichvisky, to kill The Shmeeze. Roger drove by as the cue for Gorichvisky to start his assasination attempt, after watching the fight for the 15 minutes it lasted, Roger took things into his own hands. The berretta 92 which he had bartered 7/10 of his forearm to obtain from his glovebox, he left his truck killed  Gorichvisky and murdered The Shmeeze. Now you may ask, how I know it was Roger, simple,  Gorichvisky came from a family of large stature, in turn, they are more likely to grow large  feet. The size of the footprint itself was not enough to go own, but the shoe lace tipped me off, it was manufactured in Ukrainian style with 5 stiches instead of 8. The bag of loose change was the second thing that added pieces to the puzzle, I had been in a previous crime scene before hand where a person described  Gorichvisky to have been the culprit. Knowing  Gorichvisky was in country lead me to his work history where I found he was skilled in aquatic takedowns, allowing me to know it wasn’t his truck and that he had been hired by a partner.  Gorichvisky was also well known to have bad eyesight, leading to him needing contact lens’s, in the investigation of the scene I found that the contact which had been found, was none other than Gorichvisky ‘s. Using techniques I had learned via the internets I was able to pull an image from the lens and I reveal to all of you the final and conclusive peice of evidence, an image of Roger shooting  Gorichvisky with The Shmeeze slightky in veiw. Ladies and Gentelmen, I leave the verdict up to you.”

The Shmeeze was Murdered...

The Shmeeze was found dead in a ditch off the side of the I-75 at 1:26am EST. In addition to being stabbed 37 times, it was also discovered that he was poisoned, beaten, strangled, drowned, and shot. In that order. The evidence at the scene was as follows:

Bloodstained knife

Bag of loose change

Footprints matching a size 9 shoe

Shoe lace (single)

Contact lens (single)

Puffer Fish

Tire tracks leading to the body

50 gal Drum of Blackberry Jam

We are now accepting written testimony as to who the culprit is. The guilty party will be determined by the MOST COMPELLING evidence and will be executed at dawn.

[coolskelaton27]

When I sneeze anymore, if I have my glasses or any other object on my face, it has a 90% chance of flying across the room. Can’t wait to be eighty and any time I sneeze my entire face flies one direction like a sad pizza dough.

[coolskelaton27]

A Badger is just a small bear filled with hatred.

Am I wrong?

[coolskelaton27]

If the road to damnation is paved with good intentions,

Wouldn’t that mean the path to redemption is paved with bad decisions?

[coolskelaton27]

How my mind works on weekends

Me: Ok brain it’s time to do some work to get ahead.

Inner me: Hey-hey bro, we have later to do that, time to unwind now.

Me: what? We have school to do and other chores to work o- 

Me exactly six hours later: What the heck just happened!

[coolskelaton27]

Just finished the unus annus livestream, I'm sitting in bed here and thinking "huh, it never really matter whatbwas done or what happened, the only thing that mattered was...being there to see it" heh, Amazing work all around, good work everone.

[coolskelaton27]

Made this for halloween (yes I know it's misspelled, no it was not on purpose,and yes this will vanish when it's time comes)

[coolskelaton27]

I need advice on what the best reason to slap a fey is.

[coolskelaton27]

Whenever I’m world building for a story, half of my mindset is “everything must be realistic to the last atom” and half throwing a biology book out the window because I want unicorns dammit.

[coolskelaton27]

Ok so on my grandmothers property there's this shed which exists to have random stuff in it.

this shed

Me and the rest of my family were going in there to clear out some stuff, while I had seen th inside of the shed before, I never stuck around for very long. This time I decided to take a look.

First off we can see traps, not bear traps, most likely traps for rabbits and other rodents.

Moving on I found what my dad says is a "Corn knife", though I thought it was a full blown machete.

found a deer skull in there, dad said it belonged to a young male.

aldo found an amunition box inside there (sorry for the low quality photo).

a couple of pipe wrenches, the type you'd find in a game with a lighthouse.

also found a pocket knife that has an attchment I haven't seen before.

There are plenty of other stuff that I didn't get any photos of, but it was just stuff you'd prbably find in any shed. stuff like an axe, dead mouse, rat poisons, rope and an assorment diffrent farm tools.

[coolskelaton27]

Update: took some photos of this stuff for those who might think I'm making this stuff up.

I also found this old two person saw in the garage

So recently my grandmother has been moved into a nursing home and I was helping the rest of my family move her out. This is a list of the strangest stuff that we've found

about three boxes of VHS tapes and cassette tapes

An unopened bottle of coke, I estmate it's, at least twenty years old.

an actual meat cleaver, the sort you see in a horror movie.

about a dozen barbie dolls

The family "kicking shoe".

old seven up bottles, not plastic ones.

a vacuum with a design that went out in the seventies.

a really old flat iron, the tupe you'd have to warm on the wood stove before using it.

my great-grandmothers will

finally a box of hair, not fake hair, also not my grandmothers hair. nobody knows whose hair it is.

[coolskelaton27]

So recently my grandmother has been moved into a nursing home and I was helping the rest of my family move her out. This is a list of the strangest stuff that we've found

about three boxes of VHS tapes and cassette tapes

An unopened bottle of coke, I estmate it's, at least twenty years old.

an actual meat cleaver, the sort you see in a horror movie.

about a dozen barbie dolls

The family "kicking shoe".

old seven up bottles, not plastic ones.

a vacuum with a design that went out in the seventies.

a really old flat iron, the tupe you'd have to warm on the wood stove before using it.

my great-grandmothers will

finally a box of hair, not fake hair, also not my grandmothers hair. nobody knows whose hair it is.

[coolskelaton27]

Random thought

does superman's regular attire consist of tear-away pants?

Discuss.

[coolskelaton27]

Well I just helped get a starling out of the fireplace, how was your day?

[coolskelaton27]

If we weren’t supposed to be happy, we wouldn’t have cake.

[coolskelaton27]

ok why is it that in movies or tv shows with time travel no one is prepared for time travel, you would at least think the government would be prepared by having a phrase time travelers say, something akin to "hotsauce on spaghetti" or something they could say to some goverment official to make him think "shoot! this guy knows the time travel phrase, better not say they're crazy or something."