confessionsofaheaux

[confessionsofaheaux]

I’ve been MIA for like 3 years. So much has happened!

I have officially started the process of writing a book!!! It will be available on Kindle

I’m super bummed that I’ve been permanently banned from Glow, where I think probably all my followers here are from. So I’ll be completely starting from scratch as far as promoting goes.

[confessionsofaheaux]

Chapter 5: The White Powder

The next morning, Ryan picks me and the other girls up from the apartment to take us to our shoots. I’m told that I will be shooting a boy on girl scene for Reality Kings today. I was nervous as hell. We pulled up to a mansion with a big driveway, it looked similar to the house from Scarface, huge, white, with palm trees surrounding the property. The makeup artist was there waiting for me. As she was getting me ready, she talked about how nice my costar is. “Oh honey, don’t be nervous! Rico is super nice. nice cock too. You’ll love him”

That just made me more nervous. Again that voice in my head kept telling me this is a bad idea, you know you shouldn't be doing this, just walk away, you can afford to get home! And i ignored it, per usual. I guess this is the point where I became my stage name, and no longer myself. It was somewhat subconscious, as a way to get my inner voice to shut up and leave me alone. I’m the type of person who can convince myself of anything, so long as i keep repeating it over and over in my head. “You’re gonna be the next Sasha Grey! You’re going to win all the AVN awards this year! This is glamourous!”

He did have a nice dick. When it was over, I didn’t feel dirty. I didn’t feel anything. I just knew, there was no going back. 

For the next 4 months, this was my routine at least 5 days a week. Not every set was as nice as the first one. Sometimes the shoot would take all day, and they didnt pay extra for that. The pay was decent though. Definitely not the $20,000 a month that i was promised, but it was a shit ton for a 19 year old. Much more than i was used to from stripping. I kept in touch with my ex boyfriend, who cried every time i talked to him and begged me to come home. I ignored his pleas. I was focused on building my brand. I wanted to win the AVN award for Best New Starlet. I was completely determined. Fuck everything else. I was tired, my vagina was sore, but i just kept going. 

In the time that i lived in Miami, I wasn’t just doing porn shoots. I was an on call escort for a very rich and powerful man, who i cant be 100% certain is not involved with the cartel. I never asked questions, but the mountains of cocaine that was always on silver platters made me a bit suspicious. It was certainly nice having an unlimited supply of grade A Columbian powder whenever i went to his house or yacht parties. I had heard stories of girls being murdered or overdosing on that yacht and thrown overboard, but this didn’t deter me. I liked putting myself in dangerous situations. 

I lived in that Miami “model house” with the other porn girls for 3 months. My parents thought that I was doing an apprenticeship in Northern California. I was then transferred to a different porn agency in LA. I told my parents that I was just moving there to try and become an actress. They never questioned me. I loved doing theatre since i was a kid, but had no interest whatsoever in actually trying to star in TV or film. It was just a convenient lie that i knew they’d believe. The porn shoots in LA were always glamourous. The porn world there feels like a completely different world entirely. The parties were out of control, and often. It was all glitz and glam, all the time. I became a functioning cocaine addict. It was always around, and i just couldn't say no. I was shooting all day, and partying with industry people all night. Every. fucking. day. The drugs flow so freely in that city. 

It wasn’t until I literally tore my vagina that I had to take a break. It hurt SO bad. Like there was a shard of broken glass just stuck in me. That same day, the talent testing clinic called to let me know i had gonorrhea. It was at that moment that i felt my bubble burst. I began to hyperventilate, and the woman on the phone told me “it’s not a big deal! we’ll get you treated today. I’d rather have gonorrhea than a cold!”

In what world is having gonorrhea “not a big deal”!? Admittedly, it was only a matter of time until i caught an STD, but i guess being in my bubble i simply wasnt thinking about it. I thought i was invincible. Then, reality hit. I had to get out. I was lucky that what i had was curable, and i was fortunate enough to be tested before I had any symptoms. After i got my antibiotic shot (in the butt), i packed my stuff and left LA for good. 

I went back to my ex. He gladly took me in, even though my pussy was completely busted. The painful tear and the gonorrhea made me unable to have sex for weeks! I stayed with him for a month or two, trying to recover my poor vagina and get my life back together. My cocaine craving made it difficult. I didn’t know what to do with myself if i wasn't doing sex work. When you switch personalities, its really hard to switch back. I was a fragment of the self that i was before porn. I felt so useless. So i booked a one way ticket to Hawaii to live on a hippie commune in the jungle. I thought maybe I’d find myself there.

[confessionsofaheaux]

Ok this isn’t chapter 5 but I had a really crazy dream about death and the bridge between heaven and earth, so here goes

I woke up at 4:30 am, in tears and unable to go back to sleep. This was the most vivid dream I’ve ever had. It felt so real.

I was walking along what I thought was the Golden Gate Bridge, with a group of 4 other people who I didn’t know. One guy who might have been Filipino or Hawaiian. He told me that his name was Michael. There were also 3 older white ladies. One of them looked like a much older version of me. They were dressed nice, like they went to church. I assumed they were Mormons. I moved to Utah a few months ago, so I’m quite familiar with their style of dress.

We started to chat, and I mentioned how I have so much respect for Mormonism, you guys are always so nice and helpful, etc etc. They exchanged glances, smiled and nodded.

There was so much fog on this bridge that you could not see very far ahead or behind. It seemed like we were much higher off the ground than any other bridge I’ve ever been on. But it wasn’t cold and gloomy like San Francisco normally is on a foggy day. The weather felt perfectly comfortable, and despite the massive amount of fog, there were rays of sunshine all around. It looked heavenly. It was then I realized that this wasn’t the Golden Gate Bridge.

I turned to Michael.

“AM I DEAD??!?”

“Yes.” He said, calmly.

An overwhelming sense of dread enveloped every fiber of my being. I looked down at my hands, which were now dripping with bright red blood. In the center of my chest was a gaping wound. I screamed.

The memory of my death flooded back to me. It was 4:30am, and I was on my way home from work, filling up at the gas station. My tank was so empty I barely made it to the pump. There was one other car there, a light blue Cadillac. It was too far away to see the driver, but it gave me a slightly uneasy feeling, so I chose the pump farthest away. I browsed instagram as I waited for the tank to fill. A sleek black Impala with tinted windows pulled up at the pump on the other side of me. Suddenly, there was an eruption of gunfire. Tires screeched. The fear and panic of that moment caused me to stumble and fall to the ground. I was paralyzed with fear, and intensely cold, although strangely my chest was wet with a warm liquid. I tried to stand, but my legs felt limp like noodles. There was no pain, only the feeling of being bone chilled. Like no other cold I’d ever felt. My vision became blurry, and the lights around me glowed brighter and brighter, until I could see nothing but that white light ahead of me, and darkness all around.

I heard the echo of someone screaming and calling for help, but it sounded so far away. I was in a long tunnel, and if I focused on the noise around me, the light moved further away. The coldness and fear gripped me. I was so scared. The light brought warmth and calm. I ran to it, and as I ran, the voices and sirens in the distance faded.

This group of strangers who were walking with me on the bridge, hugged me as I cried inconsolably.

“But there were so many things I haven’t had a chance to do!! Please!! Can I go back?!” A million thoughts ran through my mind. What about my mom? And my dog? I started to panic.

“I want to see my mom!”, I wept, “please let me see her”

The fog around us grew, and I could see nothing. As it dissolved, I realized that I was was inside my parents house. My whole family was there, and so were all my friends. My graduation photo was on display, in a wreath of succulents. Next to it was a memory board, like the one my mom and I made when my uncle passed. I wandered around the house, wishing that I could reach out and hug my funeral guests, or at least let them know that I was there. I didn’t see my mom anywhere, so I went upstairs to find her. She was in her room, crying hysterically. My stomach dropped and I felt a lump in my throat.

“Mom!”, I screamed. But she couldn’t hear me. I tried to hug her, and my hands went through her, like I was a hologram. She shuttered, and turned away to scream into a pillow. I wouldn’t try to touch her again, it brought too much pain.

Michael put his hand on my shoulder. We were back on the bridge. I could see the end of it now, and that it was connected to a massive staircase into the clouds.

“You can stay on earth if you’d like.” He said, “Or, we can guide you to crossing over”

I was unsure. Michael knew.

“If you stay, it will be very difficult to cross over later. Lots of people get stuck on earth. Some for hundreds, even thousands of years.” I felt very afraid. Equally afraid of crossing over, and also of not.

“Who are you guys?” I asked

“Right now we are just your guides. We’ve taken this human form so that we don’t scare you”

I wanted to ask “WHAT are you?” But before the words came out, the woman who looked like me said, “we will explain that later. Now, you have to choose”

“But what about the people I love? Can I wait until they die, and then we can cross over together?” I asked

“No”, she said, “everyone has to have their own experience”

I started to cry again. I wished that I could just go back to being alive!

“You know that isn’t an option”, michael said, “So? What do you choose?”

And then I woke up...

[confessionsofaheaux]

When will your next chapter be out?

Soon! sorry, I’ve just been so crazy busy lately. I promise though, it will be out soon

[confessionsofaheaux]

How much money do you make a month?

Nice try IRS man

[confessionsofaheaux]

Did you have to show your face when you did webcams? If so, did you mind & were you ever nervous to show your face since you want to be anonymous for your future?

You don’t HAVE to, but you’ll make more money if you do. And at the time no, I really didn’t care about that at all. I never thought that I would

[confessionsofaheaux]

WOW! I can’t wait to read chapter 5, I’m hooked!!

Thank you!!

[confessionsofaheaux]

I don’t have a question, but i just wanted to let you know I’ve enjoyed reading your book so far and i hope you don’t stop writing. It is very interesting and i love how honest you’re with everything. Keep doing what you’re doing and keep writing! You’re so strong for wanting to share your store and i admire that! I look forward to reading more of your chapters!

Aww thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement!!! 🤗🤗I will edit today, and start drafting chapter 5 if I have time

[confessionsofaheaux]

For the nuru massages, do you end up having sex with the clients?

I will explain everything in a later chapter 💋 No sordid details will be spared

[confessionsofaheaux]

Have many guys you slept with?

72. Or 31, excluding those who paid 😂

[confessionsofaheaux]

How do you become a massage person like you wrote on glow

Lol. I’ll write about that in a later chapter. We’re still in the early years at this point

[confessionsofaheaux]

How did your parents not know that you got a boob job while you were still in high school??

I was 18. I didn’t need their consent. Also, it was winter when I had them done. I stayed covered up until well after they had healed. My recovery was quick and easy. I was up and walking around like nothing happened just an hour or two after waking up from the anesthesia. My chest was sore for a couple weeks, but it wasn’t painful. I never needed the pain medication. It just felt like I had done a million chest presses and pull ups. By the time it started getting warm enough to show them off, they looked completely natural. I suppose my parents just thought that I was a late bloomer. I was estranged from them. I spent my teen years in several different group homes and behavioral modification programs. I didn’t live with them from the age of 13 until a few months before I turned 18. I will likely write a separate “book” on tumblr about my experience growing up in these institutions.

[confessionsofaheaux]

Chapter 4. Impulsive

I used to be the type of person that would ignore my own intuition, simply to see what would happen. Even though I knew it would be nothing good. Nothing good ever came from ignoring my intuition. For example, one time i had a terrible feeling about going to a so-called photoshoot ad i had answered on craigslist. I went to the guys apartment, and within 2 seconds of meeting him I got a really creepy vibe. It wasn’t anything he said or did, or even how he looked. Something in me just screamed at me to LEAVE NOW! So what did i do? I walked inside, and he began a short interview. He explained that he shoots custom fetish porn videos and that there would be no penetration. He asked me to change into some of the costumes he had. I wasn’t going to put on someone else’s panties, so i opted for the school girl skirt and a white crop top. I tucked in the string of my tampon, and went back out into the living room where he was. He showed me his sex swing, and asked if I would get on it. “To get you familiar with it before we shoot”. My conscious says GET OUT!!, but instead i get on the swing. He immediately handcuffs my hands behind my back. I’m frozen in fear. He gets out the hitachi and tries to use it on me. I can feel my period leaking on the floor. I asked him to stop, let me out, i need to go change me tampon. He says “oh, let me get that for you” and without warning, sticks his fingers inside me and pulls out my tampon! I screamed and thrashed, “LET ME OUT!! LET ME OUT!!” He looked genuinely surprised. He uncuffs me right away. I grabbed my clothes and stormed out of there, changing in the apartment lobby.

Fully aware that i always get into bad situations, such as this, when i ignore my intuition, i ignored it again and agreed to get on the next flight to Miami. After several layovers, I finally arrive close to midnight. A short, pudgy lady with weathered skin and long curly hair greets me at the baggage claim. She introduces herself as Tammie. She’s got an ugly rat dog with a retractable leash. The dog is running amok, getting the leash tangled up around people. I can hear that she has a slight New York accent as she apologizes to a man for almost tripping him over the leash. She says I’m going to stay the night at her and her boyfriend’s place, since its too late to get me settled into the model house with the other girls. Her boyfriend, Ryan, is the porn agent i talked to on the phone. She gabs as i stare out the window, starting to completely zone out until i heard her say “You’re going to shoot with such hot guys!” Record scratch. “umm...” i began, timidly, “I dont work with guys. Ryan said it was ok that i only shoot solo and girl/girl” She slams the breaks. And slowly turns her head towards me, giving me the meanest look. I though i was going to burst into flames. “Oh did he now?...”she seethed, “Well, we’ll just have to have a talk with him once we get there”. I started to get scared. The rest of the drive we sat silently. As soon as we get in the door, she barges into one of the rooms and starts yelling and screaming, “You fucking idiot!!” I heard a loud thud, “Why the fuck would you bring in this girl who doesn’t do hardcore?!!” 

“Babe, relax! Shes cute, she’ll do well!” More yelling. A door slams. A few moments later, Ryan emerges. He was taller, bigger, and older than I expected him to be. He was balding, and had age spots all over his face. He peered at me through thick glasses  “Sorry you had to hear all that. Don’t worry about Tammie. You’re gonna do great here.” He guides me to another bedroom down the hall. “Now get some sleep. I need you up and ready to go by 8.We’re doing go-sees tomorrow and need you to look your best.” He left, and closed the door behind him. Immediately I broke into tears. I called my boyfriend and told him what happened. He urged me to just come home. I lied and said I cant afford the plane ticket. “I have to stay here till next week at least, flights are too expensive right now”. We argued for several minutes. I was more trying to convince myself than him that everything would work out fine.

“Just promise me you’re not gonna do hardcore. Please, Isla.” he begged

“I promise. I’ll keep you updated. Goodnight, i love you”. 

The next day, Ryan told me we were going to the model house to pick up the other girls. The house was actually a luxury condo. I was impressed, until we went inside. They had no furniture, other than an air mattress in one of the downstairs bedrooms. There were 3 full size beds in a larger bedroom which had a sliding door leading to the patio. There were 3 girls staying in that room. The condo had tall ceilings and large windows. There was dry dog piss and shit scattered about the marble floor. Probably from Tammie’s rat dog. Rryan pulled my suitcase into the room with the air mattress. I met the other girls. Eve, Chiya, and Vickie. They were all under 21. Chiya looked like she was 15. Clearly, they had all become best friends. They were nice, but I felt a bit excluded from the group. It wasn’t anything that they did per se, i just felt like i wouldnt be accepted into their clique. And it didn’t help that i was sleeping in a different room. 

We all got into the car with Rryan. Chiya and Vickie were dropped off at production studios, Eve and I were taken to a different studio for a go-see. We met with one of the producers, briefly introduced ourselves, and then stripped down fully nude so that he could take a few photos of us, for reference.We did this 2 more times that day. The next day, i had a booking for a solo shoot. It was just still photos, on a cheesy set that was supposed to look like a little girl’s bedroom. They had me pose like i was using the coloring book on the floor. Nude, but no masturbation. They paid me $300. I had lots of go sees and shoots like this my first week there. My boyfriend would call me daily, begging me to come home. But i was enjoying my time in Florida, and making pretty good money as well. I didn’t want to come home yet. I was getting great exposure for webcamming too. 

Chiya and I had the day off, so she invited me to a boat party with her friends. We got on some guy’s speedboat, and rode with him out to were everyone was partying. It wasn’t long before Chiya and I were wasted, topless, and making out with each other and some other girls. There was a lot of alcohol and MDMA involved. I hadn’t tried it before, and I cant even begin to explain how amazing it feels to be swimming in warm water while rolling balls! It was awesome! I looked over at Chiya and nearly cried because she was so beautiful and I loved her so much. At some point i ended up losing her, and some guy noticed i was lost and told me to come look for my friend on his boat. He brought me up to the top deck, backed me into a corner and tried to kiss me. I jumped off the slide and into the water, then swam away and kept looking for my Chiya. I ended up finding her passed out on a random boat. By this time it was pretty late, and by some miracle i managed to get our drunk asses back to her friends boat, and get back to her car so we could get home. We both had to shoot the next day. I know i shouldn’t have been driving, and i’m not proud that I did. I must have a guardian angel, because its really a miracle that we made it back to the condo safe. As soon as I dragged Chiya in the door, she vomited all over herself. 

The porn world is like a bubble. No one (except my boyfriend) knew where I was. It’s amazing what becomes normal to you when everyone around you is doing it. It had already been almost 2 weeks since i arrived, and there were several occasions i had been waiting on set for one of the other girls to finish filming so we could go home. I started to become very comfortable with porn shoots. Watching them pose for photos, then suck and fuck these guys with huge dicks, i started thinking “I could totally do this”.

My boyfriend was still calling me every day, and every day he was getting more and more angry that i wasn’t home. We were yelling at each other back and forth, and then he said “you know what Isla, FINE! Fucking FINE! You go be a pornstar! I hope you get AIDS and die, you fucking WHORE!!”

I hung up on him. Blocked his number, and called Ryan. 

“Hey!” i said, “You can book me for hardcore now.”

He laughed. “Great. I’ll make some calls”

[confessionsofaheaux]

Chapter 3. Amateur Hour

I was trying to become one of the top cam girls on the site. Their profiles looked super professional, and they had their own websites. I tried to do that, but being mentally challenged when it comes to tech stuff, i gave up on that pretty fast. I was already making $3000-$4000 a month just from webcamming for a few hours a week. Most of that money was coming from a handful of guys. I started to wonder how i could make more. Browsing through the other girl’s profiles, I saw that some of the most successful girls had done porn. From what i could tell, it was just solo masturbation and girl-on-girl websites.

“I could totally do that” I thought. So i did. I sent my photos directly in to all the sites that I liked, and within a few days I had several responses. The photographer from one of my favorites called me and offered $1000, all expenses paid, 1 day trip to Phoenix to shoot. I agreed, and he flew me out the next day. He was actually quite attractive, and picked me up in a brand new sports car. The theme of the site is amateur girls, with a lot of public nudity and masturbation. The first part of the shoot was an interview at a restaurant, and i flashed my tits whenever no one was looking. We did this in the grocery store as well, as i picked out phallic shaped vegetables that i would later masturbate with on camera. We drove to some deserted office buildings (it was sunday) so he could film me running around naked and playing with myself. He let me drive his sports car too, as he filmed my bouncing breasts from the passenger seat. We filmed at two of his houses, both of which were multi million dollar mansions. He asked me to fist myself, which i wasn’t exactly comfortable doing, but i didn’t want to complain so i just attempted to do it anyway. I think I also used some insanely huge sex toys. At the end of the day, he gave me my $1000 and dropped me back off at the airport. I could not wait to shoot again.

I did a few more shoots that were similar to this one. I’d get flown out, and paid anywhere from $500-$1000, depending on what type of shoot it was. These shoots increased the traffic i received webcamming, and helped me make more money that way. I had my first lesbian shoot with a hardcore bdsm site. I was excited! My co-star was beautiful, and although some of the things she did too me were way too painful, I never used the safe word. I wanted to be the best, and to me that meant  doing whatever the director asked. I had bruises all over my body for a week after that. But they did book me again.

Shortly after, I was contacted by a very high quality site asking if i would be interested in a guy-on-girl shoot. I told them no, because i had a boyfriend. They said that he could be my male talent. We would do two shoots, one vaginal sex, and the other anal sex. I'd be paid $2500 total. And he would be paid $400 total. Somehow i convinced him to do it. I bought Viagra from someone on craigslist, and we drove to LA for the shoot. I had been using a set of trainer butt plugs for the whole the week prior to our shoot and we tried having anal sex the night before the shoot, as instructed by the director. My boyfriend’s penis was average sized, but having never had anything in my ass before, it was still quite difficult for me. At least this time around, I had properly prepared my asshole for the shoot. It seems that being ill prepared for anal shoots are simply a rite of passage as a pornstar. No one tells you that you should do a fast starting the night before, take an Imodium, and that the enemas need to be dumped out and refilled with tap water. They just let you figure that out the hard way. My first shoot was bondage and had some anal strap on play, and since I was tied up, my co star had to wipe my ass for me. I nearly cried. “Don’t worry!” She said. “Happens to everyone the first time”.

No, this shoot went much smoother. It hurt, but I got through it. I still feel extremely guilty about pressuring him to do this with me. Everyone found out of course, and i don't care what they think of me but i know he does. This video now has more than 20 million views on one of the most popular tube sites.

I had to move out of my place because the other tennants who lived above me complained to the landlord that I was making the whole building smell like weed. Luckily for me, she didn’t go through the whole eviction process. I just moved in with my boyfriend at the end of the month. A few days later, i got an email from someone saying that they are a porn agent, and that if i was interested in working with them, i could make $20,000 in a month. Their website looked legit. I called the number. We spoke for a few minutes, and i told him that i was interested BUT i do not shoot guy-on-girl. Solo or lesbian only. He assured me that this was fine, and asked if he could fly me out to Miami tomorrow. Without hesitation, i agreed. I was on a flight the next morning. 

[confessionsofaheaux]

Chapter 2. The Trainwreck

I am extremely grateful for sex work having given me the financial freedom to live a very comfortable life and put myself through school. However, i will say that the lifestyle is difficult to break free from. Once I was in it, it became a slippery slope. I ended up doing many things for money that left me feeling disgusted with myself. Cash addiction is real. I certainly still have it. And although my life is so different than it was when all this began, I’m still very allured to the making massive amounts of cash in short periods of time. Whether or not i need it. At this point in life, I really don’t need to continue doing sex work. I choose to, because I’m addicted to the money. I hoard cash.

I stripped for a couple more weeks after I graduated from high school, and decided that i would quit stripping in favor of webcamming from home.  My white whale, the client who paid for my boob job, and gave me close to if not more than $50,000 in the few months that i knew him, pretty much dropped out of my life once I left the club. His fantasy is strictly about strippers, not sugar babies. There were actually only a few times that I ever saw him outside of the club. Wherever he is now, i hope he’s still out there making some young girl very happy!

I got my own place, and no longer had to worry about keeping my story straight with my parents. They still hadn’t a clue, but things were much easier for me once I moved out. Mainly i just needed a place to cam. I had enough money for a luxury 1 bedroom, but i opted for a modest studio instead. I didn’t like spending money, i just liked collecting it. A male friend from one of the many high schools I had attended introduced me to webcamming. I was skeptical, but i quickly began making more than i was at the strip club. In just a few short hours! And on top of that, guys would buy me stuff off my amazon wishlist. It was awesome. I didnt have to go anywhere, deal with guys trying to touch me, be on a schedule, deal with jealous strippers being mean to me, etc. I just had to look cute and get naked on camera.

I had zero pause. I couldn’t even take a guess on how many guys had seen my naked asshole, so putting it on the internet made no difference to me whatsoever. I tried seeing how much i could make without masturbating on cam, but quickly learned that if i was going to do this, i had to go all the way. I bought myself a bucket full of sex toys, that i would use during private shows (where guys pay by the minute) or when i reached my tip goal to do it in public (the whole world watching). I did custom videos, photos, mailed my panties. One guy even bought a lock of my hair for $200. Another got a private show just to watch me eat a cheesesteak.

Because i missed having the cash in hand, i signed up with a private party stripping company. My first show, I was picked up by the stripper I’d be dancing with and our bouncer. Her name was Mandy, and she was chubby and tan, late 20s, with some of the largest fake breasts i’ve ever seen. They were hard as rocks! She was really nice to me, and I was happy to work with her even though she was clearly drunk. Anyway, we got to the frat house, got paid for the hour, and the guys went nuts. I felt like i was being attacked by a pack of wild dogs! But they were all hot and i was actually getting a bit turned on by the situation. Somehow I ended up on the floor and one guy did a body shot off me, another played with my boobs, while someone else started lifting up my miniskirt. Mandy announced we would do a ping pong show. The guys roared. What the hell is a ping pong show?? She didn’t tell me this before we got here. She goes over to the table and shoves all the cups off onto the floor. “Go grab me the balls”. I do as I’m told. Then she jumps up onto the table, spread eagle, and inserts a ping pong ball into her vagina. My jaw dropped. The guys clamor around her and she instructs them to stand back, she’ll put an eye out. She was right! She shot that ping pong ball out of her pussy like a BB gun! Some of the guys were trying to catch it in their mouths! I think we both ended up going home with around $500 that night.

I did a couple more parties after this, but they weren’t too memorable compared to that. Except for that last one. That was the one where i decided this was all just too much for me, and i didnt want to do it anymore. It was a retirement party for someone who a guy from a construction company. We arrived at a construction site. They had us do a strip tease on a makeshift stage, with a pole in the center. We played some games, one of which was having the drunkest guy put on work goggles that had been duct taped over so he couldnt see out of it, and a massive dildo glued in the center. The rules were we all had to stay on all fours. He chased us around the stage, trying to fuck us with the dildo goggles. I played along, but of course i wasn’t actually going to let him! Mandy, however, had no problem with it. The guys started getting too rowdy, and it didn’t help that Mandy was egging them on. I was extremely uncomfortable, but i didn’t feel like i could tell them to tone it down, or that our scrawny bouncer would do anything. Again, i felt like I was being attacked by wild dogs, but this time I wasn’t enjoying it at all. Then they brought out the double ended dildo. I don’t really like talking about this part, because i still remember how disgusted i felt after doing this. We went ass to ass on that dildo, as the guy encircled us cheering and yelling at us to cum. When it was finally over, we made about $400 each. Mandy said she would be a while, and i was annoyed because i wanted to leave. I figured she was probably just going to blow one of the dudes for a couple hundred bucks. A couple of the younger guys offered me some weed, so i smoked with them while i waited for Mandy to finish. After about 20 minutes, I got sick of waiting and went to find her so we could leave. Our bouncer was nowhere to be found. I heard moans coming from one of the construction trailers, and there were a bunch of guys standing outside it. “Whats going on?” I asked. They just kinda laughed. I peeked inside. I couldnt really see her with all the guys crowded around, but she wasn’t just fucking one guy. There were at least 10 of them all crowded around her, waiting for their turn. “Get off her!! Mandy!! What the fuck!! ” I screamed, trying to shove them out of my way. “I’m fine!” she yelled, sounding irritated “Go wait for me in the car!”, I ran back to the car and cried. I was just too overwhelmed by everything that night. I wanted to go home and forget this ever happened. I would certainly never do it again.

[confessionsofaheaux]

Chapter 1. Barely Legal Stripper

When i was 17, i started taking aerial silks classes at a circus gym. I was doing a work trade with them because their classes were so expensive. An hour of cleaning, and I’d get an hour of class. Then, the gym began offering a pole dancing class. I was intrigued, so i decided to switch to that. After a few weeks, i bought the stripper heels, and i LOVED to dance on the pole while wearing them. It was a huge confidence booster. I was awkward, only had 1 friend, a nerdy boyfriend, and I was kind of chubby. This made me feel sexy. It wasn’t long until i began to think “I could totally do this for money”. So i started researching how to become a stripper, and devoured every bit of information i could find on it. The day after I turned 18, I quit my job at the health foods store and auditioned at a sleazy strip club. I was so nervous before getting on the stage. My heart was pounding out of my chest. But once i walked through that tinsel curtain, all my anxiety just melted away. I was a natural. I loved it! I stripped down to nothing, effortlessly. The song i had chosen was “Shes only 18” by Red Hot Chili Peppers, very appropriate lol.

I tired a few different clubs near where i lived, they all hired me but they were all so sleazy. I only did a shift or two at each of them. I ended up working at a nicer club in a wealthy city, that was almost an hour away from me. I made pretty good money some nights. I had also had a few weird experiences with guys i met on craigslist. They paid me for foot jobs, naked massages, and naked cuddling. It was weird and i was really uncomfortable but i guess by this point I had already lost all of my inhibitions.I had been stripping for about 4 months, and i had a regular client that was a “white whale”. In stripper language, that means an extremely rich guy who will drop obscene amounts of cash on you, and also fund your life to your heart’s content, if you play your cards right. He paid for me to get a boob job. I got a full C cup. They look and feel absolutely real. It was winter break when i got them done. My parents never found out. I told them I was going skiing with my friend for a week. I took a month off stripping to let myself heal. Once i got back, it was over for those other hoes. I started making $400+ per night.

Mind you, I was a senior in highschool during all of this. My school schedule was really easy because i had taken year round, advanced classes for the prior 3 years. This year i was only taking 3 classes, and the first one started at 12pm. I would do my homework in between stage and lap dances, and school started late enough for me that getting home at 2 or 3am didnt make leave me tired in class. This whole time my parents thought that I was working at a hookah lounge. I stayed at my boyfriends house on the weekends, so they really had no idea what i was actually doing. I went to the bank to deposit my cash often, so that they wouldn’t find out how much money i had. I didn’t often buy flashy things, if i did, i’d make sure they never saw it. I became a master at the art of lying. Every other weekend, I’d go to Los Angeles (5hrs away) and stay with my older cousin. I’d work day and night shift on saturday/sunday, doing blow with the other strippers, and twerking on a handstand. I fucking LOVED it. It made me dance better and i always made more money. Plus, the LA strip clubs are LIT!! I’d have these crazy, wild weekends, and still be back in time for school on monday. With $2000+ cash in hand, every time.

I skipped my prom because I wanted to be at the strip club making money. I skipped my own graduation too, but thats just because i find graduation ceremonies to be incredibly boring. Just mail me my diploma, i don’t want to sit for 3 hours just so i can walk across a stupid stage. I was working that night anyway. And up to that point, no one at my school besides my one friend and my boyfriend knew i was a stripper. I was invisible at that school. It was the 6th school i had been to in the last 4 years. They could have told people, but it wouldn't have mattered because no one knew me. Until graduation night. A group of boys from my school had decided to come to the strip club where I worked. I knew they would recognize me. And i didnt give a shit. School was over. I had made it the whole school year and no one had found out. The boys were in shock, i just laughed and started to strip once they put money down on the stage.