christinamadsen

[christinamadsen]

She deserve so much love! 💔🥺

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 4

Summary: Joel wakes up confused with the emotions that he is feeling for Y/N. While they try to talk about things, Tommy realizes that there might be something there between them so he invites Y/N to take a day trip with him and Joel to allow them to get closer.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, Maria, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/157234900

Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, A Very Tragic Backstory for the character of Y/N, Depressing Conversations, etc.

Notes: Sorry for updating this late, but it's the best time for me to update things. So I'm sorry if there are any errors. Thanks to those that continue read this. This chapter has a tragic backstory for the Y/N character that might be depressing and I want to alert people of that just in case it may trigger them. If you want to read previous chapters, you can find them here.

Waking up feeling good was not something that Joel was used to. In fact? Every morning when Joel woke up, he felt miserable. Each day, it grew harder for Joel just to do anything. Living became a chore and it was hard. But this morning? What Joel felt was unlike anything he felt in a very long time. Comfort. Warmth. When he finally started to stir, he felt relaxed and at ease. So much so that that when he woke up this morning due to the sunlight that was shining through the partially opened blind of the window, he didn’t even bother to get up. Everything felt so nice that he just closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth that was wrapped up in his arms.

Sleeping and relaxing was not something he enjoyed. So he wasn’t going to fight this feeling. Not when it felt so good to finally be at peace. Even for a little while. Forcing his eyes open was hard, but when he finally did? The memories from the night before flooded into his mind. Tipping his head down, the warmth of Y/N’s body cuddled in closer to him with her still asleep. Smirking, Joel nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck. This turned out to be a very complicated thing between them, but he liked it. More than he should have. Squeezing his arm firmly around her waist brought her closer to him and this whole thing made him question things. Was last night just drunken actions brought out because of liquid courage? Had what they done been a mistake? Regardless of those answers, he knew that this was not a feeling that he was used to.

Settling in again, Joel’s eyes fluttered to a close knowing that it had been a long time since he was able to sleep in like this. And that’s exactly what he did. Fell back asleep. There wasn’t a want to force himself to get up. That was until he felt the vibrating of his cell phone in his pocket. At first it was annoying because he was so tired he didn’t realize what it was. But when he did? His eyes opened wide with a panicked breath falling from his lips. Raising his head from the pillow, Joel unhooked his arm unhurriedly from around her waist. Digging his hand into his pocket, Joel scoffed when he had a hard time getting his phone out. Finally getting it from his pocket, he lifted it up. Squinting his eyes, Joel had a hard time seeing what the screen was saying. His eyesight was still incredibly blurry. When things came to, Joel cussed out and looked over his shoulder to see what time it was.

“Fuck,” Joel slurred noticing that it was eleven and he had promised to meet Tommy at nine downstairs. That meant he was two hours late. And he had plans with Tommy. Which made this whole thing bad.

Raising his head just enough, Joel checked to make sure that Y/N was still sleeping. Even though he didn’t want to, he carefully slid out from behind her. Taking his time, he was cautious in the way he helped her get cuddled back into bed before he got up slowly. More than anything, he wanted her to be able to relax, so he didn’t rush. He quietly moved through the room, grabbing his boots from the floor. Something caught his foot causing him to stumble from her bedroom into the sitting room and it had him cussing under his breath. Working his boots on, Joel tried to come up with a good lie to give Tommy. Because the truth? The truth would only be too hard to explain. What could he say to Tommy that was actually believable?

Once more his phone started to vibrate in his pocket. Grunting out, Joel realized that Tommy was persistent with this. And it made sense because Tommy was very on about things all the time. Moving to the door, Joel was cautious in the way he opened it because he didn’t want to wake her up. Managing to get the door open, Joel snuck out with his back turned. When the door clicked closed, Joel dropped his hands down to pull his pants back together. Turning on his heel as he started hooking his belt back up, Joel felt his heart drop. Jumping, Joel’s eyes connected with Tommy’s from where Tommy was leaning back against the wall that was directly across from the suite. It was almost as if Tommy was expecting him. With a half smile, Joel cleared his throat as he stood up straight.

Dropping his hands, Joel heard his undone belt jangle and he let out a hesitant sound, “Tommy. Hey.”

“Goddamn it Joel,” Tommy huffed, throwing his hand up in the air drawing attention to his cell phone. Ending the call, Tommy shoved his phone back into his pocket. Suddenly Joel felt like a child that had been caught red handed doing something awful. “When I couldn’t find you this morning, I had a feeling that this was where you were. Seeing you with that girl last night?! She’s one of our guests Joel.”

“No, it’s not…it’s not what it looks like,” Joel tried to explain himself, dropping his head down when Tommy looked down at his belt. Haphazardly hooking the belt together, Joel stepped away from the door and toward his younger brother. “Okay, it looks bad, but nothing happened. We just were talking and then we slept together. I mean, actually slept. Not the naughty sleep.”

“Joel, she was drunk as a skunk by the time she walked out that door with you,” Tommy reminded Joel with a firm shake of his head. Joel winced when he realized that he himself had a hangover and the sound of Tommy lecturing him along with the bright lights was doing a number on his headache. “That woman couldn’t make any kind of decisions…”

“We were both drunk, but I swear I didn’t sleep with her,” Joel reiterated to his brother not wanting him to think that he took advantage of a drunk woman. That made him look bad and he was surprised that Tommy would even think he’d do something like that. But suddenly? He grew embarrassed thinking of the truth. “We just…cuddled?”

“You? You cuddled?” Tommy repeated what Joel had said, his eyes narrowing when he gazed over his brother. “Then why were your pants undone if nothing happened last night?”

“Okay, well…” Joel thought about that and realized how Tommy could think that was something bad. Now he really was starting to feel like a child being lectured by their parent. “So we may have kissed once.”

“Once?” Tommy didn’t seem to think everything was adding up with Joel sucking in a sharp breath of air. Red was flooding into Joel’s face with Tommy’s eyebrow arching up in curiosity. “Joel did you sleep with that woman?”

“I slept with her, but I didn’t sleep with her. I didn’t have sex,” Joel blurt out, hooking his arm around Tommy’s shoulders to get him to move away from the door that led to Y/N’s room. With them bickering, Joel was nervous that Y/N would be able to hear it. “I swear when I tell you nothing happened, I mean it. We kissed some last night and that’s all we did. And, y’know what? Really? It’s your fault that we did!”

“My fault? It’s my fault?” Tommy’s eyes grew wide, his hand placing in over the center of his chest. “It’s my fault that you and Y/N started kissing? How in God’s name do you reckon I did that big brother?”

“By putting up mistletoe in front of our fucking inn. Why the hell would you hang mistletoe up with all of them decorations Tommy?” Joel snapped, defending himself in the moment. Really, when he brought her home last night he had no plans of kissing her. The only reason he did was because of that mistletoe. That started the whole thing. Pointing toward the front of the hotel in the direction of the decorations, Joel’s brown eyes grew wide and Tommy still was frustrated along with confused.

“Mistletoe? Joel, you’re talking crazy,” Tommy snorted eliciting an annoyed eye roll from Joel. Reaching for Tommy’s arm, Joel led his brother down the steps and outside. Stepping out onto the sidewalk, Joel pointed up toward the mistletoe that the woman had mentioned the night before.

“See. It’s mistletoe. You put up fucking mistletoe. We were out here talking and then this old woman came out of the inn lecturing us about how if we didn’t kiss, it would be bad luck. So we ended up kissing and…” Joel went to continue, realizing that he was rambling too damn much with Tommy’s dark eyes hooked on the decoration that he put up. “Why would you even put that there Tommy? That’s where our guests show up to check in. What if we have someone helping our guests in and they both end up underneath that?”

“Are you outta your goddamn mind?” Tommy stepped forward, grabbing a hold of Joel’s shoulders to get him to focus on the decoration he was venting about. Holding his hand up, Tommy grunted behind Joel. “That there Joel, is holly. Not mistletoe.”

“No. No, see the woman distinctly said it was mistletoe. And if we didn’t kiss it would lead to a ton of bad luck,” Joel recalled what had happened the night before. Suddenly things started to spin around him with the idea that he was wrong. “That’s definitely mistletoe.”

“What old woman? We don’t have an old woman staying here Joel,” Tommy educated his brother, his nose wrinkling at his brother insisting that he didn’t know what the decoration was. “That there is holly, Joel.”

“No, it’s…” Joel out of the corner of his eye saw Maria heading out the doors. Scrambling for Maria, Joel hooked his arm around her to lead her back with him and Tommy. “Maria, would you please tell your husband that the decoration that is right there is mistletoe?”

“Why would I do that?” Maria froze up in Joel’s grasps, eyeing over her shoulder back at Joel. His big, brown eyes looked shocked since she wasn’t saying what he wanted to hear. “That’s holly.”

“I told you,” Tommy asserted to his brother, a laugh falling deep from within his throat. “How did you get holly mixed up with mistletoe Joel? Holly is the one with the red berries and the dark green leaves. That’s not mistletoe.”

“Why are the two of you having a disagreement about holly?” Maria was entertained that the two of them were bickering outside over this. They often fought a lot, but never over something so…unimportant?

“Because Joel confused the holly for mistletoe and he ended up kissing Y/N last night because of it. Started blaming me because he said I put up mistletoe,” Tommy alerted Maria causing a rush of color to flood into Joel’s face with him getting embarrassed. Now he felt like an idiot for this whole thing. The woman last night was wrong and clearly neither him nor Y/N knew what mistletoe looked like. “I found him sneaking out of her suite just now.”

“Oh,” Maria thought about what Tommy said, her eyes getting big when she actually fully acknowledged it. “Oh!”

“Nothing happened,” Joel repeated what he had told Tommy, seeing the curiosity that flooded Maria’s features and the smile that followed. Why was no one believing him? “Nothing happened. I swear.”

“If you say so,” Maria reached out to pat Joel on the shoulder. Groaning out, Joel lifted his hand to cover his eyes. Both the stress of this and the sunlight was giving him a migraine at this point. “Tommy, go take your brother inside and get him something to help him with his hangover.”

“Yes ma’am,” Tommy was quick to agree, dragging Joel into the building and toward the empty bar knowing that no one else would be there so they could talk. Sitting Joel down, Tommy grabbed Joel some medication for his headache and then brought him some coffee. “So…now you like this girl? Last time I spoke to you, you couldn’t stand her.”

“I…” Joel could have lied, his dark eyes lifting to meet Tommy’s stare. Sure, he always bickered with the girl, but he didn’t think he hated her. “I don’t know. We hardly know each other.”

“But you liked her enough to sleep with her,” Tommy stressed to his brother getting another glare from Joel. Throwing his hands up, Tommy knew that if looks could kill he would be dead. “Sleep with her. Not have sex with her.”

“Thank you,” Joel appreciated that Tommy acknowledged that bit. At this point, he was still fairly certain that both Tommy and Maria thought he had sex with Y/N. “I’m sorry I didn’t meet you at nine. I just, I was so comfortable that I ignored what time it was and I just went back to bed. It felt…”

“Nice?” Tommy finished for Joel with his lips parting. At that moment his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. Dropping his head down, Joel shakily brushed his fingers throughout his hair and hissed. Giving Tommy one single nod made Tommy smile brightly. “Wow. Not what I saw happening. You like the new girl.”

“She’s crazy,” Joel exclaimed, throwing his hand up in the air after he tossed the pills into his mouth. “Who jumps on a plane with no idea where they are going?”

“She did,” Tommy answered Joel who continued to vent.

“Who takes the advice of a random stranger, doesn’t even study where they are going and ends up freezing because they got themselves into this mess?” Joel continued to ramble drawing out a snort from Tommy.

“She did,” Tommy repeated his answer, sliding in beside his brother realizing that his brother was having a tiny meltdown about the woman that had just come to their inn.

“I can’t like someone like that. I’m nothing like that,” Joel exhaled loudly, the lines in his forehead growing deeper. “Who ends up having feelings for someone in a day?”

“You do,” Tommy was quick to respond, getting a glare from Joel that made him laugh out loud. It was interesting to see Joel like this. Especially since Tommy couldn’t remember a time when a woman had Joel flustered in a good way.

“This isn’t funny Tommy. She’s a mess,” Joel repeated what he knew to be true. Even last night when they were in the bar together, her drunk rant proved that to him. “She makes crazy, impulsive decisions without thinking them through.”

“So?” Tommy didn’t know why that was a bad thing. Having Joel panic about that of all things didn’t make sense to Tommy. “You’re a mess too.”

“Thanks for that,” Joel sneered, his head dropping down with his brother only confirming what Joel also knew to be true. The thought of all of this had an ache growing at the center of Joel’s chest. “I found her infuriating at first.”

“What changed that?” Tommy wondered, his brown eyes searching his brother’s trying to understand what happened that had Joel’s opinion of her change completely.

“She did,” Joel didn’t elaborate, his hand placing in over the center of his chest. Trying to gather words, Joel didn’t know what he could say. He wasn’t exactly sure where to start because he didn’t know when he started feeling things for her. “It can’t be anything though because she just got here. I barely know the woman.”

“Sometimes, when you know you know,” Tommy stammered, tapping his hand against the bar top watching Joel take a long swig of the coffee. “All it takes is a look sometimes for you to know you’re hooked. That’s all it took for me with Maria.”

“She’s nothing like any of the woman I’ve gotten with before,” Joel considered his past and thought back on the women he had in his life previously. Comparing her to them was hard because she didn’t have much in common with them.

“Maybe that’s a good thing?” Tommy pointed out, throwing his hand about realizing that this was the most his brother probably talked in the last few months. “It’s kinda cute seeing you flustered over a woman. That must have been some kiss.”

“Don’t,” Joel begged realizing that Tommy was poking fun at him. “You’re gonna start acting weird around her which is gonna make things worse in general. I don’t even know if she wanted to really kiss me last night or if it was because we were both drunk. She may not even remember doing it.”

“Is that something you would prefer?” Tommy pushed his brother for information, actually wanting to know Joel’s feelings on the issue. “Would you rather ignore things between you both?”

“She’s gonna leave Tommy,” Joel reminded his brother about the woman that they were currently talking about. “She’s from New York City. She’s just here because her mental health was poor and she needed to escape a bad situation. Once she gathers herself, she’s just gonna leave. And then what?”

“When’s the last time you had a relationship with someone?” Tommy questioned waiting for his brother to answer, but Joel refused. “When is the last time that you did anything with anyone?”

Again, Joel didn’t answer Tommy he just forced himself to look away, “Why is it so bad to allow yourself to get close to someone? Even if for a while.”

“Because I’m not like you,” Joel reminded Tommy, a scoff falling from his parted lips. “I’m not the hopeless romantic that makes people happy. I’m the last person that people want to have a relationship with. I don’t make emotional connections with people.”

“Well, maybe it’s time to change that,” Tommy threw his hands up in the air trying to persuade his brother that this whole thing wasn’t what he thought it was. Reaching for the coffee, Joel took a long sip of it and grumbled to himself. “I never saw you dance with anyone. Not even Tess when the two of you were together. She got you to do things I’ve never seen.”

“Only because I was worried that someone would take advantage of her,” Joel explained, setting the coffee cup down and waving his hand about in the air. Last night when she ran off to dance, he was genuinely concerned that someone in town would take advantage of her. “She was running her mouth off about things because she was very much drunk. Certain people heard her talkin’ and I think they would have tried to do something.”

“Look at you coming in and being her hero,” Tommy teased Joel, reaching out to poke Joel in the ribs multiple times. The first poke had Joel arching away from Tommy, the next few had Joel’s glare growing. A low rumble of an amused sound followed from Tommy who got comfortable beside Joel again. “I don’t see the problem here big brother. You saved a girl from getting hurt. You walked her home. You kissed and the two of you…cuddled? If something more comes of it? Good. If nothing comes from it? Then whatever. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing.”

“I’ve worked really hard to keep myself from getting close to anyone,” Joel reminded Tommy with a frown, reaching up to shakily brush his fingers through his hair. A smirk tugged at Tommy’s lips with how that caused Joel’s hair to become messier than it already was. “Good things never happen when I get close to people.”

“Maybe that’s just bullshit that you’ve tried to convince yourself,” Tommy thought aloud, tapping his hands on top of the bar hearing movement behind them. The bar was still closed until tonight so there should have been no one in there. A relieved breath escaped Tommy when he saw it was just one of their employees coming in to clean up. “Maybe you’re not bad luck. You just haven’t found the right people. Maybe things are starting to look up for you.”

Joel went quiet. It was hard to really think that was the case after everything he had gone through in his life. Good luck was not something he had often. But would it really be good developing feelings for a woman he hardly knew? A woman that lived across the country from him? That didn’t sound like good luck. That sounded complicated. And he wasn’t sure that he was ready for more complications in his life.

Since he had moved to Jackson, he had been able to shut himself off from the world. In this small town, he only had to deal with the people that lived here and the guests that came to stay in their inn. Even at that though, Tommy and Maria were the ones that dealt mostly with the guests. It was rare that he did. Joel just did a lot of the other things around the inn. Now having this girl come swooping into his life having him acting in ways he hadn’t in a very long time scared him.

“I’m sorry I missed doing that thing today,” Joel apologized realizing that this whole time had been spent on talking about Y/N when he had plans to do something with Tommy originally. “I should have set an alarm. I hope you had fun.”

“Oh, we didn’t go yet. We are actually planning on leaving in like an hour or two,” Tommy alerted Joel, looking to his wrist to check the time. “Something happened this morning that was kinda big. We decided to push it back a couple of hours. So you can still go. Which reminds me, I have to go do a few things. Meet you in a few? You won’t go disappearing on me again now, will you?”

“Tommy,” Joel scoffed, reaching for his coffee again. With a smirk, Tommy got up from his seat. Reaching out to pat Joel on the shoulder, Tommy gave his brother a wink and then walked away leaving Joel to himself sitting at the bar.

Once he was alone, Joel started thinking about things more so in depth. Even though he hated to admit it, he really did enjoy kissing Y/N last night. Ever since he left her hotel room, all he could think about was her. The way it felt to kiss her. How right it felt to wake up with her in his arms this morning. It had been a long time since Joel had allowed himself to relax to that level with someone.

Finishing up his coffee, Joel got up and paced for a while. Truthfully he didn’t know where to go from here. Would he avoid Y/N? Would he try to talk to her? What could he do? She was a guest in the inn that he owned. There would really be no avoiding her. This was a small town. At some point they would run into each other whether he wanted them to or not.

But? Honestly? He didn’t want to avoid her.

Heading to the restaurant, Joel grabbed a couple of things and then headed back into the lobby. Sitting down on the bottom step of the large staircase in the lobby Joel waited. And surprisingly he didn’t have to wait long. Hearing the sound of movement, Joel looked over his shoulder to see that moving down the stairs groggily was Y/N. Rubbing at her eyes, she stopped at the split section of the stairs to yawn. The way she stretched out her body caused Joel to smirk. Fuck. He needed to stop doing that. It was almost an involuntary action. Why was just looking at this girl making him want to smile?

Standing up from the bottom step, Joel turned on his heel and waited for her to make it down the stairs. Once her tired eyes fluttered to an open, he shifted on his feet nervously when their eyes connected. Lifting her hand up to give Joel a slight wave elicited him to give her a small nod in response. Unhurriedly she moved down the steps and when she made it to the final one, she stopped to stare out at him.

“Hi,” Joel spoke quietly, not sure of what to say while he stood before her. Truthfully? He probably looked awkward just staring out at her like he was.

“Hi,” she repeated with a weak smile.

Suddenly there was silence between the two of them when he lifted his hands, “These are for you.”

“For me?” she stammered, a bit of color flooding into her cheeks at the idea of it when Joel lowered them down. Nodding again, Joel found himself tipping his head from side to side.

“Follow me?” Joel requested motioning her to get off the stairs. After she did, he led her around the large staircase and beyond the Christmas tree toward the sitting area in the back. Since it was midday and most people were off doing something else there weren’t many people there. That meant the sitting area was left open for them to be alone. Allowing her to take a seat by the fire, he heard her groan when she buried her head into her hands. “Here, it’s a latte to help with the fatigue and I got you some oatmeal.”

“Oatmeal?” she lifted her head, her eyes narrowing questioning his reasoning.

“Yeah, it’s uh…it’s got some honey and some fruit in it. It’s supposed to help with the hangover. I figured you mighta had one,” Joel commented handing her over the two things he had gotten her from the restaurant in the inn. Setting the bag that he gave her on the table near them, she was quick to take a sip of the latte first. “You’re really gonna want to eat that oatmeal. Take it from someone who is probably the king of hangovers. It’s gonna help you.”

Watching her closely, Joel lowered down into his seat and got comfortable. There was some silence between the two of them and he cleared his throat, “So how is Doctor Love doing this morning?”

“Excuse me?” she responded, her brow line creasing when she started digging into the bag for the cup of oatmeal that he had gotten for her. Setting it down on the table, she pulled out the plastic spoon and her head tipped to the side.

“Well, I don’t know if you remember the things you said last night after drinking as much as you did…” Joel began wondering if he should really say this considering how drunk she was, but he wanted to poke at her just a little bit. “But I’m pretty sure around town you are going to be known as the doctor who gives amazing blowjobs. The one who can make someone experience the biggest orgasms because she was trained to know the human body.”

A loud, coughing sound escaped her lips with her eyes growing big, “No! Come on! I didn’t say that. Please tell me I didn’t say that.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Joel declared with a steady nod provoking the color to flood into her face with embarrassment. “You really stressed very loudly at the bar just how good at giving a blowjob you really were. And people at the bar did hear you.”

“Great,” she groaned out loud getting the first hearty, deep laugh to fall from Joel’s lips. Pinching at the bridge of her nose, she didn’t know how to respond to that. “Please tell me you’re pulling my chain. I didn’t say that.”

“Oh no, you said that. Then you talked about being able to edge someone until they have the most explosive orgasm,” Joel continued, snorting when she reached out to hit him at the center of the chest since he was so amused with her drunk antics. Falling back against the chair, he lifted his arms to block her with laughter continuing to escape him. Dropping her head back, she muttered something under her breath and then reached for her coffee again. Embarrassment was flooding her body and he found it cute. “I think the town is gonna start to know you. And you’ll probably get some of the weirder folks here coming to try to interact with you.”

“Wonderful. That’s exactly what I want to be known for,” she rolled her eyes, not exactly surprised that she did that, but disappointed in herself. “I’m so sorry you had to put up with me last night. I can only imagine how miserable I made you.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I found some of it amusing,” Joel suggested, dropping his hands back down to caress at his knees. Now that he looked back on things, he did find it funny whereas last night he was panicked she would get hurt. “So you don’t remember last night, huh?”

“Like what?” she started to poke at the oatmeal he had gotten her. When she started to eat it, Joel took a look around to make sure that they were alone. Clearing his throat, he slid in closer to her and rest his elbows against his knees. Noticing him near her, she swallowed loudly. “Why? What else did I do?”

“So you don’t remember me walking you home or anything like that?” Joel wondered, deep down wishing that she did. And that surprised him. Taking a moment to think about what he was asking her, she shrugged slightly and took another bite of the oatmeal. “Like nothing about last night rings a bell?”

“Is there something that I should be remembering?” she questioned, her right eyebrow arching in a moment of curiosity. Disappointment seemed to flood Joel’s features with his breathing growing uneven. Leaning back against the chair, he kicked his feet at the floor trying to distract himself. “Joel?”

“No, nothing important,” Joel waved his hand in the air dismissively. If she didn’t remember what happened, then there was no reason for him to bring it up. In its own way, that just made it easier for him to deal with what happened last night.

They both remained quiet until she set the oatmeal down on the table. Sliding in closer to Joel, she wiggled her finger motioning him closer. Thinking that she wanted to whisper something to him, Joel pulled himself to the edge of the chair. Reaching out, her hand palmed in over the side of Joel’s face having his eyes flutter to a tight close. Lazily she dragged her fingers down over his chiseled jawline toward his chin. Tipping his head back, she leaned in to bring their lips together in the softest of kisses. It had a breath catching in his throat and when she pulled back, his eyes unhurriedly opened back up.

“Yes, I remember last night,” she confessed, a wicked smile tugging at her lips showing him that she was just playing with him. His heart was hammering. He really believed her when she was acting like she didn’t remember what the two of them did. “And I don’t regret a minute of it.”

“Really?” Joel’s long eyelashes fluttered, his brown eyes searching hers. As if he was trying to figure out if she was lying to him or not. Right now his breathing was labored and he was fixed on her.

“Really,” she snickered, sliding in again. This time Joel met her halfway with their lips colliding together in a fiery kiss. The first one was very sweet, but this one showed that the both of them still had last night on their minds. Most of the time Joel would have been uncomfortable showing this kind of affection in public, but right now? All he saw was her. Caress after caress of her lips over his felt amazing and he didn’t want to stop. Breathlessly she pulled back slightly to offer up a weak smile. “Thank you for taking care of me last night when I was making a fool of myself.”

With a slow nod of his head, Joel’s hand shakily reached up to drag his thumb across her bottom lip, “although, I do have to admit to you everything gets a little fuzzy after we sat down by the fire. I have memories here and there. But I don’t know how we ended up in my bed. Which I did wake up a few times, but I didn’t have the energy to get up.”

“Well, you crawled up into my lap,” Joel leaned back against the chair still tasting the fruitiness that was left over his lips from her kiss after she had been eating the oatmeal. “We were kissing and then you wanted to give me one of your amazing blowjobs. But? That ended with your head falling into my lap with you passing out.”

“Oh God,” she bit down at her bottom lip, lowering her head down in shame. Snorting at her embarrassment Joel knew that this was not good with how this woman made him feel. “I am so sorry.”

“I’m not,” Joel confessed, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. Even though this went against everything that he was, Joel was smitten with her. “I didn’t think you were capable of making those kind of decisions with how drunk you were. I felt bad for even letting it get as far as we did. So I carried you back into your room, got you ready for bed and you asked me to stay with you.”

“And you did?” she stammered getting Joel to nod again. Joel’s fingertips were nervously stroking over the material over the arms of the chair. It was something that she easily picked up on but didn’t call him out on it. “Thank you. It was the best night of sleep I’ve had in a very long time.”

“The alcohol probably helped,” Joel noted, a weak smile pressing in over his handsome features when she finished off the oatmeal that he had gotten for her. “Although, I reckon I made the biggest fool outta myself this morning when I talked to Tommy about it.”

“You told Tommy?” she was surprised to hear that, gazing around and looking for Tommy.

“Well, he kinda found me sneaking out of your room this morning. Well, afternoon. I was supposed to meet him at nine this morning to do this thing with him,” Joel rambled feeling like maybe he was talking too much. Really, he talked more today than he probably had talked in months. “He thought we slept together, so I had to explain. And I found out that what we kissed under last night wasn’t mistletoe. It was holly. That old woman had no idea what she was talking about.”

Amusement flooded her features triggering his heart to skip a beat at the sight. How did this woman go from driving him crazy to taking his breath away in less than a day? Something about that didn’t feel right, but he didn’t care.

“To be fair,” she sucked in a sharp breath of air, straightening up her posture. Releasing a tiny laugh and shrugging her shoulders had Joel’s gazed locked upon her. “Both of us were very drunk. And while I may be a doctor, I don’t know Christmas plants.”

“Neither do I apparently,” Joel mused, his hand outstretching just enough to have the backs of his fingers brush against hers. “You don’t feel weird about things?”

“Weird about what?” she replied, hooking her fingers somewhat with his. Just having her do that had his heartrate growing faster.

“Us,” Joel spoke up, his mind still spiraling with all of the what ifs in this situation.

“You are the first thing I haven’t regretted since leaving that hospital,” she assured him which made him feel better to hear, but how could two people who barely knew each other have a connection like this? Especially since they started off not being extremely fond of one another.

“Hey! There the two of you are,” a voice called out to them, drawing Joel to scoot back in the chair pulling his fingers from hers. Kneeling down between the two of them, they were met with the familiar smile of Tommy. “I was thinking Y/N, since you’re new here and you haven’t really gotten the chance to have someone take you around…Joel and I were going to join a few of our friends to go snowmobiling around the local park today. It gets really pretty during the winter and I think you’d really like it. What do you think?”

“Tommy?” Joel said his brother’s name, sliding forward in the seat. That was something he wished that Tommy would have spoken to him about first.

���Maria was supposed to come with us today, but something came up so she had to cancel. I already loaded her snowmobile onto the truck so if she wants to come, I’d love to bring her,” Tommy finished up with his thoughts, giving Y/N back the attention. Noticing the discomfort in Joel’s body, she didn’t know how to respond to Tommy. Did the way that he was reacting mean that he didn’t want her there? “So what do you say?”

“What happened with Maria?” Joel remembered just speaking to Maria, so he knew that she wasn’t sick or anything.

“Oh, something just came up here,” Tommy explained, waving his hand about like it was no big deal. “Nothing to worry about.”

“Do you want me to figure things out here so she can go with you?” Joel pressed further, not wanting his brother to miss out on something that him and Maria had planned for months.

“No, she’s got this. Trust me. No one would be able to handle it better than her, big brother,” Tommy dismissed Joel’s thoughts and turned back to Y/N. “If you want to come, I can actually send you to Maria. She can hook you up with something to wear so that way you aren’t cold. I think you won’t regret coming along. Our friend that’s taking us actually runs these snowmobile tours.”

“Yeah, sure. I guess that would be cool,” she agreed to go with them. Her answer seemed to make Tommy very happy, but Joel on the other hand was nervous. Standing up from the chair, she reached for her coffee and let out a tight breath. “Where should I go see her?”

“She’s right at registration waiting for you. I told her what I was planning so when you head over there she will take you with her,” Tommy pointed in the other direction where Maria was. Waiting until Y/N left, Tommy made sure that they were alone when he turned to Joel again who was glaring at him. “What?”

“The hell you doin’ Tommy?” Joel snarled, his nose wrinkling in distaste for whatever Tommy had up his sleeve. There was no question in his mind that Tommy was attempting to hook him up with this women and got Maria to join him in it.

“I’m just making things a little easier. It doesn’t hurt to do things with this woman so you two can spend more time together and see where this goes,” Tommy elaborated on his plan resulting in an eye roll from Joel whose body language changed completely when he heard what Tommy was doing. “Let’s show her that Jackson is a very beautiful place. Especially during the winter. You’ll get to spend some time with her. See if you still feel the way about her that you did when you were drunk. It doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re lovin’ this,” Joel acknowledged realizing that his brother was way too happy about this whole situation. And he wasn’t exactly sure why Tommy was so interested in pushing the two of them closer together. “Why?”

“Why not?” Tommy threw his hands up in the air, circling a bit as he started back stepping toward the front of the inn. “How about we go get ready for this thing? Make sure we have everything and see where it takes us?”

Shaking his head, Joel knew that he didn’t have much of a choice in this. Tommy already put the wheels in motion and he was going to have to play along and see where this whole thing went.

----

Standing in the middle of an open field at the nearest national park had Y/N in an absolute awe. For some reason, when she agreed to do this whole thing with Tommy and Joel, she imagined the car ride over here would be incredibly uncomfortable. But honestly? It wasn’t. It was a seven minute drive where she sat in the backseat of the truck with Joel. Sure, they were both quiet and didn’t say a word, but it would have been awkward talking around Tommy and his friend she had only just met in the lobby of the inn for a few minutes.

Now, as the boys and their friends prepared the snowmobiles, she couldn’t help but stand in the middle of the large plot of land staring out at everything surrounding her. There were mountains in New York that she had seen before traveling out, but nothing like this. This was stunning. All of the treetops were covered in snow. And the mountain range in the distance was like that out of a painting. It took her breath away.

The only thing that was bad about this whole thing was what you had to wear in order to do this. You had to wear a certain kind of clothes called under layers that were made from a certain material so you stayed warm but didn’t sweat. Then, you had to put on your snowmobile suits. And the worst part about that? A loud swooshing sound would fill the air every time you moved. It honestly reminded her of when she was a child wanting to go out and play in the snow. How her mother would dress her up in a snowsuit where she could barely move. This felt almost exactly like the same thing. Along with all of this you had to wear a face mask, a helmet, goggles, gloves, good socks and boots. With how many layers she had on, she wondered if she would even be able to steer the damn thing.

“How’s it goin’?” Joel’s southern drawl pulled her attention back to him when he approached her. The loud swishing sound elicited a smile from her with every step he made toward her.

“I feel like the abominable snowman,” she announced, throwing her hands up in the air. Wiggling a bit had Joel tipping his head to the side, his eyes narrowing while she clearly was having fun at the idea of what she was dressed in. “I’m sorry, I’m just not used to so many layers.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Tommy interrupted before Joel could respond. Unlike Joel, this woman seemed to have a lot of energy and Tommy was eager to push the two of them closer together. Maybe she would be good for Joel. And that’s all he kept thinking. “We’re gonna be out there for a while. It’s cold as hell out there. You don’t want to freeze and you don’t want to get hurt. So it’s all about protection and safety. Us Texas boys weren’t used to these temperatures when we came up here. We came from a place that when even a little snow fell, the whole town shut down. Now being here? Well, it can be a constant snowstorm and somehow the town still finds a way to keep runnin’.”

“Are you warm enough?” Joel stammered, pointing his finger from top to bottom with what she was wearing.

“Oh yeah, I’m great,” she insisted with a long pause, her head tipping from side to side. Considering how much snow they were surrounded by? She actually was surprised just how warm her body was. “Well, except for my nose. That’s freezing. But everything else? I’m great!”

“That’s easy to fix,” Joel insisted walking to her and she wondered how he managed to still look good in these suits. Because for her? She felt like she looked like she waddled in these things. Biting at his glove Joel managed to get one of them off before reaching for the other. Extending his hands out, he hooked his fingers into her facemask to pull it up over her mouth and over her nose. “That’s how it’s supposed to be. It’ll keep you warmer.”

A breath caught in her throat with the way that Joel stroked at the sides of her face, almost cupping her face in his grasp. Giving her a wink, Joel worked his gloves back on and in that moment he realized that both Y/N and Tommy were frozen staring out at him.

“What’s with the staring Tommy?” Joel snorted, shaking his head about. Immediately Tommy shook his head and threw his hands up like nothing was going on. But deep down Tommy was actually impressed with the way that his brother had helped her. Where Y/N was smitten, Tommy couldn’t believe he was seeing his brother taking care of someone like that. Motioning Y/N to follow him, Joel rubbed his hands together and then led her toward the snowmobile. “Y’know how to ride one of these?”

“Oh, yeah…of course I do,” she lied gazing upon the snowmobile realizing that she should have considered what they were actually doing. She’d never been on a snowmobile in her life. Most of her life was very sheltered. The only thing she had ever done in the winter was go on a sled. So for her, this was completely new.

“You have no idea do you?” Joel interrogated with her nodding showing that he was right. Grumbling under his breath, Joel waved her forward so he could show her. Sitting down on the one that she would be using, he made sure that she was looking. “You always gotta keep your feet safely in like this when you’re sitting. Make sure you’re comfortable. Relaxed. Don’t try to stop it with your feet. These things are heavy, if you fall wrong I reckon you’ll break something. When you’re turning, it’s like a bike. You turn the handles this way for left, this way for right.”

For some reason with Joel giving her instructions, she found herself lost in what he was saying. Suddenly everything felt like it was a foreign language but she nodded along because she didn’t want to embarrass herself. Trying hard to pay attention, she swallowed down realizing that this might have been her biting off more than she could chew.

“Now you sit,” Joel got up, helping her to get into position on the snowmobile. “The right is the gas. When you make your turns you’re gonna wanna lean into them, okay? It just helps on the sharper curves. On the left you have the break. It’s a whole lot easier than it seems. I promise you. You don’t have to worry.”

“Do I look scared?” she was curious, hearing Tommy laughing beside her. In all of that time she didn’t even realize that Tommy was still with them.

“You look mortified,” Tommy answered for Joel, nodding his head about. “Trust me, it’s not that hard. The first part is just a long stretch of land. Not too many turns. We just are gonna go out into the middle of the park. Get ourselves used to things and then some of the other things Joel told you will come into play.”

Maybe this would have been better if she had taken a whole day to learn how to do this instead of just a few minutes before their trip. That would have made it easier and made more sense. Even though she was uncomfortable, she went ahead with things. Joel insisted that he wanted to ride behind her just to make sure that she didn’t get left behind. And that made her nervous because she was afraid of making herself look like an idiot in front of him.

Watching others do it made it easier. None of them looked uncomfortable or worried. They just got on, put their face shields down and went. So she attempted to do the same. Of course it didn’t work as easily for her, but once she got started, it was actually pretty cool. Even though this was something she had no idea how to do, it was thrilling. The sights as they went were indescribable. Nothing like this was out in New York. This was the kind of thing she had only seen in paintings and photos. The snow over the mountains was slick giving it a bright shine with the sun hitting it just right. She wished she would have strapped a camera onto her because this would likely be a once in a lifetime experience. Everything about this was magical. For the first time since being to Jackson, she really did see the beauty that would draw people to something like this.

On their ride, she saw out toward the trees some of the animals that were roaming around the park. Never in her life had she seen a moose. Nor did she realize just how big they were. But today she saw a few of them. And while doing this she was starting to feel like a kid all over again.

When they came to a stop, she was worried that something was wrong, but the leader of their group wanted to show them something that he thought they would like. Leading them through a walkway, she was surprised to see that he brought them to a set of stairs. So much snow covered them that she knew someone would kill themselves if they tried to walk down it.

“What we are going to do is slide down,” Tommy repeated what the instructor told him. “If you look, other people have done this to the point that it’s created a slide all the way to the bottom. It’s easy. Just watch us and then you can do it. There is this really beautiful waterfall that looks great in the summertime, but in the winter it’s breathtaking.”

Stepping up to the stairs, she watched the first few of them sliding down laughing as they did it. Footsteps in the snow had her gazing beside her to see that Joel was lifting up his face guard, “You don’t have to go if you aren’t comfortable.”

“This isn’t too bad. If I can handle the plane ride here, I can handle this,” she assured him with a wink. But really? She wondered if she was trying to convince him of that or herself. Holding his hand out for her, Joel helped her lower down so that she was in position. Pushing herself off, she was surprised how easily she slid down the stairs. It reminded her of when she was a child going down a slide at the playground, but this one was much more interesting. Once she reached the bottom, Tommy was waiting for her, holding out his hand to help her up. “Thank you.”

A loud grunt filled the air behind her with Joel coming down. Smirking, Tommy carefully moved around her to help Joel up to his feet. Joel had more trouble getting up than she did, but by the time he did get up to his feet he gave the both of them a thumbs up.

Together the group walked in a line, one by one along the side of a path of water. Considering the walkway that was there, this was something a lot of people must have done previously. It was a longer walk than she expected and multiple times she had almost slipped. More than anything, she wanted to avoid embarrassing herself in front of Joel. After everything? She just wanted to look good for him.

When they approached the overlook for the waterfall, it had her stopping in her tracks. A sense of awe flooded her veins at the sight of the frozen over waterfall. Everything looked like that out of a movie. Everything was frozen over except for a small amount of water that was still flowing. They area they were in was the true definition of a winter wonderland. The mountains surrounding them were covered in ice. The trees covered in snow. Where they were, it felt like they were surrounded. What she was feeling was amazement.

“Not so bad after all, huh?” Joel’s voice pressed in beside her with him flipping his helmet up once he stepped in beside her. “Maybe Jackson ain’t as bad as you thought.”

“This is incredible,” she confessed, following Joel further down toward the water. The way the trees surrounded her gave her the effect of what she thought it might be like to be inside of a snow globe. Large pieces of ice were shattered off into the water that was flowing slowly away from them. And if she wasn’t with someone who knew where they were going, she may have felt a sense of panic.

In the distance, she noticed that Joel was walking further down closer to the frozen waterfall. Everyone was up on the top level, but Joel was continuing down to the lower one. Taking her time, she was cautious in how she moved, not wanting to slip. Looking back over her shoulder, she made sure that they were alone as she approached Joel who was standing at the edge observing everything.

Outstretching her hand, she placed it between Joel’s shoulders. The sensation made him jump, but when he looked back at her she felt her heart rate quicken when he grew comfortable at the sight of her. Pulling off his helmet, Joel kept it in his arms and motioned her to do the same.

“This is a place I think you will want a photo at,” Joel urged her to pull out her phone. Which honestly? Getting it out took longer than she thought it would. Pushing the goggles up and away from her eyes, she tugged at the bottom of her mask to reveal her face. “Get into position.”

Waving her on, Joel was quick to take a photo of her with the frozen waterfall behind her. After handing her the phone back, Joel went to leave, but she was quick to reach for him, “Take a photo with me?”

“Together?” Joel seemed surprised to hear that request, but he tugged at his mask and pulled it down so she could get a picture of them together. Wrapping his arm loosely around her brought them close together so they could take a photo. After she shoved her phone back into her zipper pocket on her suit, Joel grumbled something under his breath before speaking up again. “I don’t typically take photos with the guests that are staying at the inn.”

“I’m going to guess you probably don’t go around kissing your customers either,” she slurred, stepping in closer to Joel.

Grabbing a loose hold of his suit made a swishing sound that had both of them cringing. It was loud and it was awful. But he allowed her to pull him close. Even if this was a bad place to do this, she couldn’t help but find this area romantic. Bringing their lips together in a faint kiss allowed her to realize just how cold they both were. The heat from their kiss was a vast contrast to the air around them.

“Where did you two run off to?” Tommy called out to them having Joel quickly backstepping away from her with a nervous sound. Pulling his mask back up had her releasing out a tremoring breath. It was too soon for Joel and she understood that.

Together the rest of them started to head back to their snowmobiles. For a while everything was fine. They followed the main path and saw a lot of beautiful areas that she thought were stunning. It was when they came to a narrow path that she realized things were getting a bit too tight for her. Considering she was new to this whole thing, having this tight of a curve made her uncomfortable. One wrong tug of the handles had her sliding down the hill into a snow pile.

Immediately, she regretted it. And she felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment flooding through her. Nothing was hurt, she just went into a snow pile. Looking back over her shoulder, she noticed that both Tommy and Joel were headed down to check on her. The first thing Tommy did was make sure that everything was turned off. Joel on the other hand? He was quick to check on her, making sure nothing was hurt or broken.

“I’m okay. Other than my pride being gone,” she promised Joel who helped her up from the snowmobile. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. It just got tight and this was my first…”

“Don’t apologize,” Tommy stressed, pointing back toward the area she had slid down from. “I can just pull the snowmobile up and drag it.”

“How about you drag it back and I’ll have her ride with me? I know things are gonna be a bit tight so I reckon I can make sure she doesn’t get hurt or anything,” Joel spoke to his brother, helping her up the side of the hill to his snowmobile. Getting her comfortable, Joel made sure that she would be okay before going over to help Tommy. When he came back, she felt tense that she fucked up, but also happy because it meant she got to cuddle up to Joel. After demanding having her wrap her arms around him, Joel had her swooning over him. This was his way of protecting her. And she liked it. It was hard to focus from that moment on.

By the time they got back to the truck, she tried helping them but Joel had taken her to the passenger’s seat, turned on the heat and motioned her to warm up. Part of her felt guilty while they finished working, but Joel wasn’t wrong in bringing her here. She was freezing and this was helping her. The people here were used to this kind of weather. She wasn’t. Everything was numb and the heat from the car did feel nice on her fingers.

On the drive back, Joel sat beside her rubbing her hands in his. Even though it didn’t do much to warm her up since he was cold too, she appreciated the gesture. Joel thought he was doing something nice and she wasn’t going to reject it. As they returned to town, Tommy had alerted them that they were going to meet up with Maria for dinner. It wasn’t even a case of Tommy inviting her, he just told her that she was coming with them.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a high-end place because she felt like she looked like a mess after taking her snow suit off. She would have preferred to go back to the hotel to clean up, but neither of the boys cleaned up. Joel’s hair was a mess after he took his suit off and she couldn’t help but laugh. It was cute and charming. Although, every time he looked to her, she tried to hide that she was laughing to avoid embarrassing him. When Joel pulled out her seat for her, she was impressed with his continued showing of chivalry. That was something she had not grown accustomed to living in New York. So Joel being like this was a pleasant surprise.

“I hope you don’t mind this place,” Tommy called out from across the table from where he was sitting beside Maria. Loud music was playing and it was visibly a sports bar that they were at. Everyone had already ordered and it was nice to just sit back after the day they had. “It’s just simple things like burgers and what not. But we like it here. The big man here loves him some burgers.”

“Yeah. That’s me. The burger man,” Joel snickered, accepting the beer that the waiter set on the table for him. Shaking his head, Joel rolled his eyes at his brother not sure if he was attempting to embarrass him or not. Y/N seemed to be staring at him from where she was seated beside Joel. “We just like things laid back in our family.”

“I’d actually prefer that,” she explained to them, kind of glad that they seemed to be in an area that they were closed off from the rest of the public for now. She had grown ill at ease when people would stare at her. But this time she wasn’t alone. So maybe people would mind their own business. “I would usually get some kind of carry out on the way home anyways. I would be tired and I’d usually eat alone.”

“So tell us some more about yourself,” Maria leaned across the table, getting Y/N’s attention. Tapping her hands against the tabletop, Maria shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “All we really know about you is that you are a doctor from New York City.”

“Oh, that’s not really something that you want to hear,” she waved her hand about remembering what happened the last time that she tried to talk about herself. Joel had no interest then and she didn’t want to bore him now. Joel’s brown eyes were locked on her as he took a long swig of his beer. “Joel really doesn’t like hearing those kind of things.”

A cough escaped Joel when he choked on his beer and dropped the beer bottle down with a clanking sound. Catching the bottle before it fell, Joel was quick to shake his head and clear his throat, “I don’t mind. They are the ones that are asking.”

“Well, what do you want to know?” she wasn’t quite sure where to start noticing the way that Tommy wrapped his arm around the back of Maria’s chair.

“How about what made you want to be a doctor?” Tommy threw something out there, waving his free hand about. “That seems like it would be a stressful job to have. Especially in New York City. Did you always want to be a doctor?”

“No, I didn’t want to be a doctor when I was a child,” she took a moment to consider what she would tell them, feeling uneasy with all of their eyes on her. Each of them were listening closely and she didn’t know how honest she should be. “I think I wanted to be like an astronaut or an archeologist when I was young. I wanted to discover new things.”

“And you decided that you could discover new things in healthcare?” Maria tried to put two and two together, but it had Y/N shaking her head. “How did you fall into it then? That’s a bit different than the two jobs you mentioned.”

“How sad do you want this to get?” she muttered, stroking her fingers down the glass of water that was before her. Tommy shifted in his seat and she shook her head. “I don’t want to depress anyone about my life.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Tommy noted, his eyebrow arching in curiosity. Looking to Joel, she took notice of the fact that he was quiet, but still listening to her.

“I became a doctor because when I was young, both of my parents died,” she alerted them, lowering her head so she didn’t have to look at any of them when she admitted to them why she became a doctor. “My parents were in a car accident. It was snowing, it was around Christmas. My dad was driving and my mom was in the passenger seat. I was in the back. There was a truck on the road that had been driving too long. A man that was just trying to get home to his family. He fell asleep at the wheel. His truck was headed right at us. Which had my dad swerving, he hit some ice and the car crashed at the side of the road. It had flipped. The car behind us had also hit that ice after swerving. It went off the road too. And hit my dad’s side of the car. My dad was killed instantly, my mom they thought was fine. We were taken to the hospital where doctors were distracted with the holidays. They thought my mother was okay because she was interacting with people, but she was bleeding on the inside. So for hours we sat and my mom died because the doctors there were lazy and didn’t bother to check to see if something was wrong. So? After that, I decided that I was going to be a doctor because I wanted to make sure that if someone was ever in the position that I was in, they would have a doctor that would fight for them. Do everything to save their loved one.”

“Jesus,” Joel breathed out in a faint slur. Everyone at the table was quiet with how negative that actually was. It seemed like none of them had any idea what they should say. And she expected that. She just went full trauma dump on them and she realized she should have just been straight forward and to the point instead of going into details.

“What happened after that though?” Tommy finally broke the silence, his dark eyes narrowing when he leaned forward at the table. “Did the hospital get in trouble? Did you have any family members to go to? Any siblings?”

“Guys, I can already see the look on your faces,” she half laughed trying to make things less uncomfortable with her shifting her seat beside Joel. Right now, she felt like she was about to depress all of them, especially if she continued to be honest. “I don’t want to mortify you with the depressing details of the rest of my life.”

“No, go ahead. We’re here to listen,” Maria suggested, outstretching her hand to place it in over Y/N’s to show support for her. Now it kind of felt like they wanted to hear the rest of the story because they didn’t want to make her feel awkward or embarrassed with sharing too much. But she knew that she had. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too. Either way, we are okay with whatever you want to talk about.”

“Uhm, well. I had no siblings. It was just me. I had two living family members. My grandmother and my uncle. Who were both on my mom’s side. Uhm, my grandmother sued the hospital and the truck company. And she won both cases. Put the money aside for me since I was a child that was left on my own. I wasn’t able to touch it until I was eighteen years old,” she explained to them, her voice broken and tremoring as she spoke. Right now she was doing her best to answer Tommy’s question. The last thing she wanted to do was get emotional in front of all of them so she was fighting it incredibly hard. “My uncle was a famous script writer in New York for films and plays. And my grandmother was living with him in a brownstone in New York City. So I moved there with them. My grandmother died a year or two later. And I was left with my uncle who was not my biggest fan but kept me because my grandmother made him promise. He was really close to my mom and he blamed me for my parents dying. So for the remainder of my teenage years, I was only allowed to be on the second floor and use the kitchen to make my food. I took care of myself. I never spoke to my uncle other than a comment here or there. I got into the school I wanted, left, my uncle died and didn’t write a will because he didn’t expect to die. So I ended up with the brownstone and his money which I firmly believe would have him turning in his grave because he hated my guts. So that’s also the reason that I have as much money as I do.”

Looking between them, she could see that all of them were mortified with what she had told them and it was so quiet between them that you could hear a pin drop. Reaching for the beer that Tommy had gotten her, she took a long sip of it and then shrugged her shoulders, “I told you it was depressing. Sorry. I probably should have just told you my parents died and I wanted to be a doctor that helped saved people like my parents. That’s my problem. I think I overshare too much.”

“Why did your uncle blame you?” Tommy was the first to speak up, his head shaking from side to side. They were all lost for words with her story, but Tommy was more emotional than the others. Locked on that one thing she said about her uncle. “You were just a kid.”

“Because we were headed home from a family holiday party where I had left my stuffed animal on accident. I was upset and wanted them to go back to get it. They called my family to tell them to keep it aside for me…” she set the bottle down beside the water that she had gotten, doing her best to keep it together. “So it was my fault. If they wouldn’t have turned around to get that stuffed animal, both my parents would still be alive.”

“That’s bullshit,” Joel grunted, his brow line creasing when she finally looked to him. Mostly she had been looking between Maria and Tommy, but he had to speak up. “You were just a child. You were innocent in all of that. Being angry with a child for something that wasn’t their fault is crazy.”

“Honey, I agree with Joel,” Maria stressed to Y/N, her hand squeezing in over the hand that she had been holding onto the whole time. “There was no way that was your fault. That was an accident. There was no way of knowing that was going to happen. What your uncle did was wrong. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“I mean, he wasn’t wrong. If I would have just had them wait until another day they would still be here,” she reasoned, the lump in her throat growing realizing that none of them were agreeing with her statement. Tommy was shaking his head repeatedly hinting to her that he didn’t agree with that either. “I just made do with what I had. I never gave up the brownstone because it was the last place that my parents were at. I guess that doesn’t really make sense though because it’s so big and it’s just me living there. Which is kind of…well, it’s really lonely.”

“And that’s why you ended up here? Because you were lonely?” Tommy wondered, sliding his chair closer to the table showing her that she had his full attention.

“I was just fed up with life. I was recently dumped by my boyfriend not long ago. He was cheating on me with someone more powerful at the hospital and he blamed me. I really don’t have many friends other than those I work with because I work all the time. I guess the deciding factor was losing a patient. I promised their child that I would do the best I could with them and they died. No matter how hard I tried to save them,” she was honest, shrugging her shoulders when Joel finished off the beer that he was drinking and forced himself to look away from her. “I was a little fed up with life. I was lonely. And I was looking for something to prove to myself that life was worth living. For a reason to still be here.”

Hearing that made Joel swallow down hard. He knew that kind of talk. It was what he had suspected back at the bar when she was talking. She was questioning whether she still wanted to be here or not. And the very thought had his chest aching. Because he had also been there himself.

“Can I hug you?” Tommy got up from the table moving around it, not really even giving her the option when he wrapped her up in his arms after leaning down. “I am so sorry you went through all of that. But none of it was your fault.”

“Tommy,” Joel muttered his brother’s name considering in that moment that she might have not been comfortable with Tommy hugging her like he was. An overwhelming sense of guilt ate away at him. When she was talking about her life to him in the past, Joel just assumed she was just some snobby rich girl that had been pampered her whole life. That she became a doctor just to look good. And hearing what it really was about made him come to terms with the fact that he was an asshole for shutting her down like he did and treating her like shit. “You might be suffocating her.”

Grunting, Tommy moved around the table after letting her go and went back to his seat. Maria looked deep in thought, her hand never leaving Y/N’s, “Is there a Christmas memory that you have that makes you happy? Something with your parents?”

“I mean,” she thought for a long moment, trying to consider something that was positive for them to hear. “When I was younger my parents loved going to the Rockefeller tree. During Christmas time whenever I feel overwhelmed or just sad, I like to go there. It usually lifts my spirits. That’s my favorite place to go in the city during Christmas time. I like to just sit at the tree and observe things.”

“That tree does look really cool,” Tommy was quick to bring a positive outlook to things. “I can see why you like it so much. I think I would be drawn to it too.”

Glaring up at Tommy, Joel stayed silent. Right now Y/N felt awkward and he could pick up on it by her body language. The last thing she really probably wanted to be talking about was positive Christmas memories when her family died near Christmas. What she had just confessed to them was a lot to unpack and he now understood why she was kind of the way that she was. He just hoped that eventually they could get her focusing on something else so the tragedies of her past didn’t continue to eat away at her all night.

----

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@brittmb115 @thegirlwiththemostcake3

[christinamadsen]

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 3

Summary: Realizing that her visit to Jackson has only enhanced the feeling of being lonely for Y/N, she takes a walk around the town to get a feel for everything before considering leaving. On the way back to the inn she decides to take Maria's suggestion and visit The Tipsy Bison where she runs into Joel. The two of them grow closer in unexpected ways.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/156927493

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Dirty Talk, First Kiss, Heavy Touching, Making Out, a slight amount of fluff, etc.

Notes: This is presently my favorite story of mine that I'm updating, so I'm going to try and get as much of it up as I can before Christmas. I surprisingly really like writing Joel which is fun since this is my first solo story that I've ever written with him. Thanks to those that check it out. If you want to read previous chapters, you can find them here.

Even though it was nice getting to rest and not have to worry about the everyday stresses that Y/N had become accustomed to, it felt like the only positive thing that Y/N had accomplished in coming to Jackson was getting a good night’s sleep. Other than that? She was only able to confirm just how unbelievably lonely she was.

Sitting alone in that restaurant brought forth so many uncomfortable feelings for her. Eating alone in New York City? Yeah, she was lonely, but she didn’t feel strange being alone. Here? Everyone’s eyes were on her. That made the loneliness that she had grown used to stronger. Here she stood out and she didn’t know if that was a good thing.

After finishing her breakfast, which was entirely too big, she had her leftovers boxed up. While everything was good, there was just way too much there. So she headed back to the inn to put her takeaway box into the small refrigerator in her room for later.

Returning to the inn, she realized that there weren’t as many people there. It made her wonder if the place was just busier in the mornings and nights considering the kind of draw this place had. Walking through the inn, she took note of the people that were there. Groups. People who knew each other. And then there was her. The one solo person in this place. Everyone seemed to have someone to talk to. Everyone but her that was.

Joel and Maria had caught her eye when she had returned. They were both working, but she knew better than to keep bothering the owners of this place. All of them had better things to do than to keep helping her distract herself. She already felt pathetic enough as it was that the only people she had interacted with were those that owned the inn that she was staying at.

God, one of the biggest things she learned from this trip? Traveling alone sucked. It was hard not to feel awkward or out of place when you were all alone. Sharing memories with people was much nicer than doing everything by yourself.

Disappearing into her suite, she put her leftovers away and then considered what to do with her time. What she really should have done was learn more about this town so she wasn’t aimlessly roaming around. Instead? She just decided to take a walk around the inn. Doing what Maria suggested earlier, she took her time looking over things. Learning about the place that she was staying in. Even though this was an inn, from everything they had inside of it, it felt more like a museum. There was so much to learn about the history that took place here. Really? She would have never traveled to a place like this. Nor would she have picked to stay somewhere like The Copper Peak Inn. But? Fate chose this for her. Truthfully? She did wonder if fate hated her. It’s not that she despised this place or anything. It had it’s certain kind of charm, but she didn’t feel like she fit in here. And everything seemed to remind her of that.

Embarrassingly, she walked around the inn more times than she really should have. She read many of the write ups on the wall at least twice. She was pretty confident if they asked her to give tours of the place, she would be able to educate people with confidence about the history of this inn. And she’d do it well.

That’s how boring her day was. Or maybe that’s how uninteresting and how unexciting she was. Spending hours in the inn she was staying at to learn the history didn’t sound like a whole lot of fun when she thought about it.

Instead of doing another round around the inn, she headed back toward her room. And she did what she should have done. Decided to google the place she was staying. Joel was right. If she was going to stay somewhere she really should have done a deep dive of the place. One of the few things that she could do during the daytime was go to a hot spring they had about twenty minutes out of town. There was a certain draw being able to lounge in a hot spring during the middle of winter. Then again, that meant she would have had to go back to the clothing store to get a bathing suit and it would have felt so awkward doing that in the middle of winter.

So instead of having to face that embarrassment, she just decided to lay out across one of the couches in her sitting area to binge watch Christmas movies. Was this something that she could have been doing back at home? Of course it was. But for some reason she chose a random small town in the middle of nowhere to be doing this.

Halfway through her watch-a-thon she had gone to purchase a bag of microwavable popcorn from the vending machine down the hallway. And that was her snack for the remainder of the day.

This kind of thing wasn’t really like her. Honestly, she couldn’t remember the last time that she just got to lounge around and do nothing. Life didn’t allow that for her. But? It felt like that’s all she could do right now.

It was well into the evening by the time she finally decided to move. Going to the window, she looked outside to see that the sun was just starting to set beyond the mountains. It really was a gorgeous sight. If there was one thing good about Jackson? It was how beautiful the scenery actually was. You would never see something like this in New York City. New York was a different kind of pretty. This was mother nature and it was stunning.

Down below she noticed that the waitress from earlier was right. Nighttime really was the time when Jackson thrived. People were flooded into the streets, taking a stroll around town observing the holiday lights that the town had put up. They were enjoying their surroundings and taking in all of the decorations.

Maybe taking the advice of the waitress would be a good thing. Going out during the middle of the night would be the best idea for her. With so many people out, she wouldn’t stand out amongst the crowd. Everyone would be focused on what they were doing that she might be able to get to enjoy herself.

Getting dressed warmly in one of the new outfits that she had bought for herself earlier, she headed out of her suite ready to explore Jackson. There had to be something here that would draw her to the town. Help her get a feel for things. Now would undoubtedly be the best time for fate to show her that she didn’t make the wrong decision in coming to Jackson. There could be something here to prove to her that she was meant to be here.  

Moving down the stairs, she tried being hopeful about this whole thing. Upon reaching the bottom step of the stairs, she realized that there was now a stranger that was working at registration. The Millers had to go home at some point, so that only made sense. There was no way that they could be there all the time.

Instead of heading out the front, she moved through the back hallways that Maria had led her through earlier. Getting a look at the bar and the restaurant, she realized they were packed. They weren’t kidding when they told her that the prime time for people out here was nighttime. Although she knew that the nightlife didn’t last incredibly long. She learned that last night when she had arrived in Jackson.

Right now? She wasn’t hungry and while the live music could have been a draw, she just wanted to get a feel for the town. So she left out the doors that were there. Immediately, a chill surrounded her and she pulled her jacket in closer to her body. The wind chill was rough against her face and she found herself thankful that she went out and bought some clothes to stay warm. There was no way that she would have ever been able to walk around with anything she had originally had in her bag. It was too damn cold. Sure, New York City could get cold, but this was something else entirely. It was much colder here. Especially at night.

Doing what was suggested, she walked around the town unhurriedly. Everything was very simple. From the town all together to their decorations. But? It was beautiful in its own way. When she reached town square, she realized it was very small. Most of the decorations for Christmas were found there. Sadly, it only took a few minutes to walk through it. What amused her the most about town square was the antler archway that was at the entrance. This town was so old western it hurt.

This place really was a town in the middle of nowhere that sat in the valley of mountains. Somewhere she read that this downtown area was just under 3 square miles of land. It wasn’t much, but it did have a lot of personality.

Since the walk through town square was so small, she decided to just take a seat on one of the benches to watch things. That was something that she often did in New York City too. It gave her time to enjoy the ambience of it all. From where she was seated, it was right off to the side of the ice-skating rink that they had there. Watching the people skating was amusing to her because it was so small compared to the things that she was used to in New York. In New York? Everything was busy and it was busy all the time. Here? Things were more relaxed. Peaceful. Nothing was rushed. People were just enjoying themselves and no one looked miserable. It was nice to see.

Unfortunately, being there only dug in for her how alone she was. Even here she realized that most everyone had someone that they were with. They were all together with friends, lovers or families enjoying the holidays.

Getting up, she continued her walk around town. It didn’t take long for her to walk around the most populated parts of town. During her walk it had started to snow. It was a light dusty snow that was adding to what was already on the ground, just lightly covering the streets. Thankfully it wasn’t a heavy snow since she had to walk back to the inn. Actually? She was grateful that it started to snow. Everything became a whole lot prettier when it did. A dream glow laid over the town with the Christmas lights just catching the snow right as it was falling from the sky.

On her way back to the inn, the bar that Maria had talked about had caught her eye. The Tipsy Bison. Back when she was sitting at town square, she had spotted the tourist bar that Maria had told her about earlier in the day. When she saw it? She knew Maria was right. It was a tourist trap. And she could see why. There was a large display over the top of the building to draw people in. It was the only place in the town that she had seen that had stood out like a sore thumb. There was no questioning that the cowboy themed bar was busy. As for The Tipsy Bison? She could tell that it was busy, but nowhere near the amount that the other bar was.

Considering the night was still young and the Christmas films would still be there waiting for her to watch them during the day tomorrow, she decided to go in and check things out. Stepping into the bar had an immediate chill run down her spine. The moment she entered, just like out of a movie everyone in there seemed to turn to look at her. It was starting to make her anxious how that happened every time she entered a new place.  Pretty quickly, unlike at the restaurant, the people were quick to turn away though. Only having their interest on her for just a moment.

Having that happen had a rush of adrenaline flowing through her veins. There was an intense urge to turn around and head back to the inn, but she wasn’t ready to be locked up again inside of that room. Forcing herself to stay, she took a look around. Everything around her confirmed for her that this was most certainly a bar for the locals. That’s probably why she stood out like she had. Every inch of the place reminded her that she was in the west. Deer heads hanging on the wall. An American flag was put up on the back wall behind the bar. There was a jukebox playing in the corner with some unknown country song. An old piano was in the corner. And the colors were so much similar to that of those you’d find at the inn. A small stage was set up near the back of the place where she assumed musicians in the town would come for a chance to perform. This place was pretty crowded and it was rather small.

Certain parts of the bar were busier than others. Most of the crowded areas were near the bar, the tables and the back room where people were playing pool. After taking a quick glance around the general area, she spotted Tommy and Maria with a group of people laughing together around a few tables. It was sad that the only faces she knew here were those two and Joel.

Heading over toward the bar, she went to the furthest end away from the crowd. At first? No one noticed her. Not even the bartender. And it made her wonder why she even came in here. Sure, she knew Maria and Tommy but they were with friends. They didn’t need her coming and bothering them. So she just waited. Eventually the bartender spotted her. By the expression he gave her, she knew that she was being judged for being the outsider, but she tried to ignore it. Ordering a drink was easy for her because she needed to relax if she was going to make it another moment inside of this place.

Being alone allowed her to observe the people that were there. Most people looked happy. Enjoying their moments with their friends and family. And even if people were there to just get drunk, everyone seemed to know the people that were sitting near them. Which only emphasized the feeling of being miserable for her. Running away from New York because of her loneliness only led her somewhere else that further reminded her just how lonely she actually was. She never felt more alone in her life.

After tonight? She was fairly certain that she would be going home. At least in New York City she didn’t feel like a lone wolf in the pack. Here she was just reminded repeatedly how much she didn’t belong.

Finishing off the drink she had gotten herself, she got up and took a look around. This felt like such a waste of time.  Spending seven hours to go back home on a plane wasn’t optimal, but she didn’t have much of a choice from where she was standing. Every day was just going to continue to be lonely reminding her all over again of how pathetic she actually felt.

Noticing there was a door at the back of the building that was partially opened, she figured she would go outside and just take in the night. The waitress earlier had mentioned how pretty the night sky was here in Jackson. Maybe she would take advantage of that. Spend some time out under the stars. Head back to the inn. Pack things up and then head out tomorrow morning. If there even was a plane that would head out to Newark tomorrow. From conversations she had at the Jackson airport, she knew that flights were spotty. She had only just gotten lucky to end up here. Then again? Was it really luck?

Heading for the door, she managed to move through the crowd. Once stepping outside, an immediate chill flooded her body. Clearly the temperature outside had dropped significantly since she had walked into the bar and it surprised her. It wasn’t even that long. By now it was extremely dark outside with just the streetlights giving off a small amount of light that was filling the area.

What surprised her though was the soft strumming of a guitar close by. Coming to a full stop on the back porch area, she stood there listening. Just from the small amount of light she could see that it was Joel sitting on the steps at the back of The Tipsy Bison. There was an acoustic guitar in his arms and he seemed to be humming a tune to himself. The longer she stood there had those hums starting to turn into quiet lyrics that he was singing under his breath.

“Wow,” she blurt out finally causing Joel to jump, his fingers pulling away quickly. Immediately he went silent, a scoff falling from his throat when he realized that it was her. “You are actually good at something other than being grumpy.”

“What are you doing here?” Joel grumbled under his breath, tensing up when she moved across the way to come take a seat beside him on the steps. Eyeing her over, Joel realized that she was staring up at the sky.

“Maria told me about this place earlier. I was taking a walk around town, trying to get a feel for things,” she claimed, hooking her fingers together as she took in the time to really appreciate the stars and the night sky. Because of the light pollution of New York City, this really wasn’t something that she got to see a lot. “I figured instead of heading back to the inn, I would get a drink. It’s weird that everywhere I end up I keep running into you.”

“No kidding,” Joel’s fingers curled around his guitar, sliding further across the step to give them more room between them. “For some reason, fate wants me to keep running into you. She can be a bitch like that sometimes.”

“Oh please,” she rolled her eyes at Joel’s comment, giving him a quick glance. This time she wasn’t offended and she came off more so amused. “I bring you such joy when I’m around you. Stop being so damn crabby.”

Obviously she was being a smart ass, but the comment made Joel let out a muted laugh. That was the first time she had actually made Joel smile. Well, other than when she was a fool and got whipped cream on her face from the hot chocolate earlier.

“So you play the guitar?” she questioned, nodding her head toward the guitar that was in his hands.

“Obviously,” Joel stammered, bobbing his head about evoking her to let out a long exhale. By now she should have just expected the sass from him.

“It sounded good,” she complimented him, taking her attention away from him to look up toward the sky again. Even though she didn’t mind talking to Joel, she had come out here with the intentions of enjoying the stars and that was what she was going to do. “Do you play here a lot?”

“I don’t really play in public,” Joel answered her, his fingers dragging across the instrument. That surprised her, especially since what she had heard wasn’t all that bad. “I like playing, but mostly to myself.”

“Well that’s a shame. I think the people in there would appreciate your talent,” she suggested, eliciting a laugh from Joel at her suggestion. His response told her that he didn’t believe that. “Even though you were being quiet, the singing sounded good too. I liked it.”

“You barely heard it,” Joel reminded her, setting the guitar aside safely so that it wouldn’t get damaged. This was typical of them to bicker about something as simple as a compliment that she was giving him. “You can’t decide I’m good after just hearing me for a minute or so.”

“It was more than a minute or so,” she stated with a tip of her head. Hearing that she had been there longer made Joel anxious showing that he wasn’t used to playing around people. “I’ll happily listen to you if you want to play a little bit more though.”

“Not a chance,” Joel swiftly rumbled under his breath, reaching his hand up to brush his fingers through his messy hair in an anxious sweep.

“It was worth a shot,” she frowned, leaning in to playfully nudge Joel with her arm. Giving him a weak smile caused confusion to flood Joel’s features. Obviously, he didn’t expect her to continue to be kind to him. “I always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, but I just never had the time to do it.”

Clearing his throat, Joel acknowledged that this was her way of trying to bond with him again and he shrugged his shoulders, “Okay?”

A disappointed breath escaped her lips, her head lowering when she let out a tiny laugh. Their tension only seemed to entertain her now. Shaking her head, she took notice of the way that Joel was staring out at her with the silence surrounding them. The longer they sat out there together alone, the more awkward things were starting to become.

“What are you even doing out here?” Joel pushed, a muscle in his jaw flexing. Part of him wondered if he would regret asking her because she seemed to ramble on when he would ask her a simple question from their previous discussions.

“The waitress from earlier told me that the stars were really beautiful at night. So I wanted to see them,” she responded, pointing toward the sky as Joel leaned back on his palms to get more relaxed beside her on the step. Gazing up at the stars himself, Joel’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat when she looked back up at the sky. “You don’t get to see this kind of thing where I’m from. It’s beautiful.”

Right now he had a decision to make. He could get up and leave. Allow her to enjoy the stars by herself. Or he could allow her the moment of enjoying what it was like outside without giving her more shit. And surprisingly? He picked the second. There was just something in the way that she gazed that had him wanting to be the slightest bit polite in the moment.

“It is beautiful, but if you really want to get the best view before you leave…you should stop at the ranch right outside of town. There aren’t any lights to pollute the sky. It’s just you and the stars,” Joel educated her on where the best place to see the stars was. “If it isn’t snowing, you aren’t gonna get a better view out here. When I first got here, that was my favorite place to go. I got to be alone and it allowed me to think. Clear my mind when I needed it.”

“That sounds nice,” she admitted, impressed that Joel was letting her in on the tiniest details of his life. There weren’t a lot of occasions in their time interacting where he would be incredibly forthcoming with positivity about things. “Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m going to see it.”

“And why is that?” Joel asked finding her short answers she was giving him to be different for her. Usually, she talked a lot. And right now? She was strangely quiet.

“I think I’m going to leave tomorrow,” she told him, letting him in on the decision that she had been coming up with over the last few hours with being alone. Truthfully? That was something he’d probably appreciate since she had been annoying him from the moment she walked into the inn. “Being here? It just makes me realize how lonely I really am. How pathetic I am.”

“Just like that?” Joel blurt out, his face twisting with displeasure from her answer. “After all that attitude with me giving you a hard time, you’re just going to give up?”

“Give up?” she repeated what he had said, finally lowering her head to meet his stare.

“You certainly seemed like you had something to prove to me in staying here. That’s why you got the clothes wasn’t it?” Joel stammered, holding his right hand up and waving it about. “Now you’ve suddenly decided that you are just going to leave? Instead of trying to make it here?”

“It’s not really that simple,” she stated with a frown, her throat tensing up with him saying it like that to her. Yeah, earlier she thought she was going to prove to him that she could make it here. And maybe it was stupid to leave after she had gotten a new wardrobe for herself to be here for a while. But she didn’t think she could continue to keep up with the loneliness that was emphasized with being here. “There is nothing here for me. You were right. I’m a moron. I’m completely insignificant and I was a fool for thinking that running away from my life would just make it better somehow. I just realized how lonely I really am. I don’t even think anyone in my life has realized that I’m gone. I don’t even think they’d care.”

“Saying that wasn’t meant to be an attack on you,” Joel huffed out, resting his elbows on his knees when he slouched forward. “Everyone is insignificant in the long run Y/N. This is a big, big world. With a whole lot of people. We’re just a tiny part of what makes the world turn. Y’know?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, finding herself getting emotional at the idea of it. That was Joel’s way of kind of apologizing and she could recognize it. But? She didn’t think he was wrong. “But everyone else is the center of someone else’s world. And that’s when they actually become significant. You may not change the world, but you could be someone’s world. And I don’t think that life was ever meant for me.”

“Now that’s just silly,” Joel claimed, his face scrunching up in disbelief. Beside him she shifted on the step that they were on so she could give him her full attention. “You’re a doctor. A surgeon. You’ve saved lives. You’re important. I’m sure because of you a lot of people are still alive. So maybe your light shines brighter than you thought. Maybe you should think about the lives that you saved. And then I reckon you’ll realize how much more important to the world you really are.”

“I have nothing to show for it,” she pointed out trying to hold back on the emotions that she was feeling. There was a lump growing at the center of her throat. This was something she thought about a lot. Even if she did save people, she was alone in this world. So did it really matter? “I put so much effort into something that ultimately just left me alone.”

Joel looked like he wanted to say something with his lips parting, but then he reconsidered it and just lowered his head. Stroking his fingers at the back of his neck, Y/N could tell that Joel was uneasy with this whole thing and didn’t know what to say, “I’m surprised that you are even being nice to me right now.”

“Who said I was being nice to you?” Joel scoffed, looking away from her and toward the other direction. It made her smile with the immediate shift in attitude that he seemed to give her at the idea of him being nice. “I’m just talking.”

“Well damn. I was kind of hoping that I would rub off on you before I left,” she teased, reaching out to pat Joel on the knee. Even though Joel seemed to not like her very much, she thought that he was loosening up to the idea of her. “Pretty soon you’ll just remember me as that annoying New York City girl that was an idiot and showed up to town with no idea what she was getting herself into. It will be a good story to tell people. You can make people laugh. I’m sure the town will be interested to hear what a ridiculous loser I was.”

“You think I’m out to make people laugh?” Joel’s eyebrow arched, his head shaking after he asked her that. Hearing her comment only annoyed him. That wasn’t the kind of person that he was. “You obviously haven’t been paying much attention to me. I’m outside in the freezing cold, playing my guitar to myself. Do you really think I’m the type of person that wants to gossip? I just wanna be left the hell alone. If you haven’t picked up on that.”

“Oh, I’ve picked up on that,” she snickered at the thought, her eyes growing big when she looked him over. Joel was certainly grumpy and that was hard to avoid. Looking to change the subject, she nodded over toward the instrument that he had set aside earlier. “That’s your guitar?”

Giving her a small nod, Joel reached for it and handed it over to her for her to look at. Accepting it carefully, she pulled it in closer to her so she could gaze upon the details, “You just keep your guitar at the local bar?”

“I make them,” Joel explained to her, a sense of anxiety showing through in his voice when he started to open up to her some. This wasn’t like him opening himself up to a stranger, but he was doing his best to try to be normal in the moment. “The owner paid me to make a few for the bar in case people wanted to get up on stage and use them for an open mic night. I uh…like carving things. And I like music.”

“Oh wow,” she was surprised to hear that Joel actually made this guitar that was in her hands. Caressing over the lengths of it, she never would have thought that this wasn’t a guitar that someone would have bought at a store. “That’s really impressive Joel. It’s beautiful.”

“I’ve done better,” Joel accepted the guitar back from her when she handed it over to him. “But it’s not too bad.”

“Will you play something for me?” she asked of him provoking him to immediately shake his head. Disappointment flooded her veins, but with another firm shake, Joel was making it clear that he didn’t want to play again. “Please?”

“No means no,” Joel chuckled noticing the pout that she was giving him. It reminded him of a child that wanted to use that look to make someone do what they wanted. “The hell do you think that’s gonna do? Make me feel bad and play for you? I barely even know you.”

“I’m miserable and there is a tiny chance that you playing might make me happy,” she insisted with a weak smile, nodding to the guitar again. Dramatically shrugging his shoulders, Joel couldn’t help but laugh. This was someone he barely knew. And she was asking a whole hell of a lot out of him. “Please will you play something?”

“No,” Joel stood his ground, his laughter growing when she nudged faintly at his shoulder again. Truthfully? He should have been more annoyed with her. But really? He was actually amused with her antics. Her fingers curled around his upper arm and she faintly tugged back and forth at it multiple times. “What in God’s name are you doing?”

“Please? It would make me shut up,” she let her words linger, purposely being annoying in the way that she was asking him. Tipping her head and fluttering her eyelashes had him continuing to laugh uncomfortably beside her. “Come on.”

“You’ll shut up if I do it?” Joel inquired, forcing himself to stop laughing. Angling his head just slightly allowed him to give her a glare with his big brown eyes.

“Promise,” she assured him, nodding her head about and placing her hand in over her chest. Acting as if that would be a stronger guarantee for him. Groaning loudly, Joel shifted on the stairs and placed the guitar the way it was meant to be. At first he appeared to be nervous, glancing several times in her direction. Closing his eyes tightly, Joel seemed to be pep talking himself under his breath before starting to strum at the guitar. Once he was at ease, the tune started to come together and it made her smile.

To his surprise, she was quiet. That certainly helped him play because then he could pretend that he was alone. Just like he was most of the times he played his guitar. Occasionally he would steal a quick look at her to see that she appeared to be in awe of the music that he was playing. After a while, it became soothing for him to play for her. It had been a long time since he had played for someone and to have an audience in some fashion that actually enjoyed listening to him was nice. Especially after he thought he may have lost some of his talent.

“What about singing?” she spoke up after a while causing him to smile and shake his head.

“Don’t push it,” he silenced her, finishing up with the final tune that he had started. When he was done, she clapped quietly. There was a warmth that flooded into Joel’s face. Even though it was freezing outside, there was an embarrassment over the fact that he allowed that to happen that was pressing in over him.

“That was amazing,” she thanked him for taking the time to do that. Having him play for her was not something that she expected him to agree to. Especially with how their interactions had started out. “You really should play for people. I bet you’re incredible. Just allowing yourself to relax out here really opened you up to things with me out here.”

“Baby steps,” Joel breathed, shaking his head again to remind her that he wasn’t ready for that kind of thing.

“Why did you start playing the guitar?” she wondered, pulling her gloves out of her jacket when she started to notice the pain that came with her being cold.

“I uh…” Joel thought long and hard if he should tell her the truth. “I wanted to be a singer when I was growing up.”

“What?! That’s awesome,” she reached out again to supportively squeeze at his shoulder. It made Joel tense up underneath her. He wasn’t used to people being so touchy with him. “Why didn’t you? If that’s the case you shouldn’t just be playing out here to yourself. You should be playing out there in front of everyone.”

“Life happened,” Joel didn’t want to elaborate, his eyes narrowing when he spoke about his passion leaving him. “I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to play in front of a crowd again. I get nervous playing in front of people. Having everyone’s attention on me. I don’t like it.”

“That’s a shame. Because I think you were meant to shine,” she professed, placing her hand in over the center of her chest giving him a big cheesy smile. “You’re like a beacon in the dark. But in a good way. You’re great. I loved hearing you play. I wouldn’t be the only one to enjoy it. I assure you of that.”

Hearing all these compliments from her was strange for him. People were always thankful when he helped out around town, but because he was shut off from the world around him, no one was ever really this complimentary of him. So it was hard for him to respond to it. Being social wasn’t one of his strongest talents.

“So you went from wanting to be a singer to becoming a contractor. And then you became the owner of the inn,” she thought aloud about what she had known to be true about Joel. “You can carve beautiful things. You are amazing at playing the guitar. You sing. You build. Is there anything that you can’t do?”

“Be a social creature?” Joel joked pulling forth a loud laugh from her lips. Immediately, she slapped her hand in over her mouth realizing that her finding that funny may have been offensive to him. “It’s okay. I’m the one that made the joke. You can laugh.”

“So…” she took note of the fact that he was starting to open up more with her. Little by little. Forcing her laugh down, there was a warmth flooding to her face. “Are you married?”

“Are your observational skills that bad?” Joel wondered, his eyebrows bouncing up with her looking down toward his hand. Squinting with the minimal amount of light, she realized that there wasn’t a band on his finger and she nodded. That was his answer.

“Okay, so you’re not married,” she concluded, waving her hand about in the air. “What about a girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend out here?”

“No,” Joel’s words were firm, his head shaking as he spoke. There was a muscle at the corner of his jaw that flexed with his dark eyes narrowing out at her.

“No what? No you don’t have a girlfriend?” she confirmed with Joel who laughed beside her uneasily. There was a sense of curiosity in her eyes, but also confusion with how easily Joel was shutting down during this conversation.

“No, we’re not having this conversation,” Joel asserted causing her to let out a disappointed groan. While she was open with him, he wasn’t that kind of person and he wasn’t about to have this kind of talk with someone that he barely knew. “We’re not about to talk about my love life. I’ve already shared more than enough with you about my life.”

“I know nothing,” she reasoned with him, her face scrunching up in annoyance.

“More than enough,” Joel commented with another amused sound falling from his throat. “We’re not about to become friends you and I.”

“Why not?” she paused to think about what he said. And that surprised him. She seemed to be upset that he wouldn’t even consider opening up to her. “Maybe we would make good friends. Two insignificant people to the world. Lonely and alone.”

“Who said I’m lonely?” Joel countered, his body tensing up when he sat up straighter beside her. Hearing her call him out like that caught him off guard. “Maybe I like being alone. Maybe I’m better in that kind of environment.”

“Yeah, okay,” she grumbled under her breath, dropping her head forward in defeat. Joel was standing his ground that he wasn’t going to open up to her any further. “We took those baby steps and you just make sure to slide right back to remind me that there is no chance of us being civil with one another.”

“I played my guitar for you,” Joel reminded her, waving his hand between him at the instrument that was still there. “That was a lot for me.”

“That was barely scratching the surface,” she claimed, amused that he thought that was a big deal to focus on.

“It might not be a big deal for you, but that was huge for me,” Joel stressed to her, his hand lifting to place in over the center of his chest. It drew her attention back to him so he could get her to understand. “I don’t play in front of people. So you may think it was something small, but for me? You have no idea how big that was for me.”

“Fair enough,” she swallowed down hard realizing that he was being honest with her. “Thank you then.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Joel didn’t know how to respond. So he just stayed silent beside her.

“I’m going to guess you aren’t dating anyone,” she broke the silence between them getting Joel to scoff at her bluntness. “So I don’t even know why I asked that when I knew the answer.”

“And how do you know that?” Joel bit down on his bottom lip, irritated that she would just assume something like that.

“Because you wouldn’t be out here alone playing your guitar if you had someone in there waiting for you or someone at home,” she gathered taking note of the fact that he remained outside with her instead of going back into the bar. “If you had someone waiting at home for you, that’s where you would be.”

“I guess your observational skills aren’t that bad after all,” Joel acknowledged, getting her to shrug. She wasn’t wrong. Even if he didn’t want to admit it. “And you? You mentioned that your boyfriend recently dumped you?”

“God, you had to mention him,” she scowled at the idea of her ex. Shaking her head, she pointed back toward the building and unhurriedly stood up from where she was seated on the stairs. “I need to get a stronger drink than I’ve had. Do you want to share a drink with me?”

“Not really,” Joel was honest, grunting out when she came back for him and hooked her arm around his. Working to get him up from the stairs, he stumbled back following her into the bar. Compared to what it was like outside? It felt nice with the warmth immediately surrounding them once they walked in. They must have been outside a while because there wasn’t as big of a crowd by now. Motioning her to wait, Joel put his guitar away and then met her back where he had left her. Heading over toward the bar she took a seat beside Joel and waited for him to order. “Whiskey.”

“I’ll have what he’s having,” she pointed toward Joel who gave her a tiny smirk.

“It’s strong,” Joel warned her as the bartender came back with two glasses. Pouring the drink out for them, Joel let out an amused rumble when she threw back the drink immediately coughing once the burning liquid hit her throat. “I told you.”

Stroking his hand over the top of the bar, Joel shook his head in amusement. Grabbing his drink, Joel took a small sip of it noticing that she was asking the bartender to pour her another, “Maybe sip it this time?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved her hand off in the air dismissively not really listening when she swallowed down most of it.

“You’re not going to be able to walk back to the inn if that’s how you keep drinking it,” Joel suggested with an amused sound, drinking more of what he ordered. “Do you ever make any decisions for yourself?”

“What do you mean?” she finished off her next drink, her eyes narrowing when she turned to face him at the bar.

“You had someone pick where you were going at the airport. You had someone tell you which place to stay at in Jackson. You had me pick your breakfast this morning. And then you just copied me and got the same drink that I did,” Joel recalled everything that he knew to be true. Once again, the bartender came back to fill her drink for her. “No wonder you’re unhappy. You have everyone pick everything for you.”

“I chose the room I wanted to stay in,” she prompted, her fingers stroking down over the side of her glass. It made Joel chuckle that it was the only thing she could come up with in the moment. “Your breakfast suggestion was good, so I assumed your drink selection…”

“Is very strong. I use it to help me not feel,” Joel stressed to her, finishing off his first drink. Motioning the bartender back, he got him to fill his glass again and he leaned in closer to the bar. “I don’t think you’re gonna be able to handle your alcohol as well as I can.”

“You’d be surprised,” she shot back almost determined to prove him wrong. Taking another sip of the whiskey, she knew that it wouldn’t often be something that she chose. He wasn’t wrong there. “And to answer your question, I always make my own choices. My bad decisions have led me here, so I don’t think it’s a problem to let someone else pick things for me sometimes.”

“It can’t really be that bad, can it?” Joel huffed, his brow line creasing at the idea that her life was so awful. Multiple times she had stressed how terrible life was for her, but it was hard to really think she was right. “You live in a brownstone in New York City. You can afford to do whatever you want. You’re a doctor that saves lives. People probably look up to you.”

“This is the first time I’ve had any kind of vacation in years. I work really hard. And the brownstone?” she thought about his question, inhaling sharply before drinking down the rest of her drink again. “Well, let’s just say you don’t care to hear about it.”

“I assume it was a place you had with your boyfriend?” Joel retorted, his nose wrinkling when he followed her in finishing off his next drink.

“No. I mean occasionally he would stay over or I’d go to his apartment. I just could never really get rid of the brownstone,” she admitted to Joel, tensing up beside him. Staring off in the distance, she didn’t know which thing to talk about. The boyfriend or the brownstone. “You know, we were together for five years. He was my senior, but we just seemed to click. At least I thought we did.”

“It sounds like an abuse of power to me,” Joel grunted, getting amused when he saw Y/N request the bartender to come back. “I can’t imagine working at the same place as your boyfriend was the best idea in the first place.”

“Can you just leave the bottle? I’ll pay for all of this,” she waved her hand about between her and Joel. The bartender gave Joel a look who simply shrugged his shoulders and got more comfortable on the seat by the bar. Leaving the bottle, it allowed Y/N to pour more for both him and her. “I always knew he was an asshole. For the most part though? He was always pretty okay with me. And then when I found out he was cheating and blamed me for the whole thing? I started to realize that everything that I thought was okay or special about him, really wasn’t. I was blinding myself with the idea of him. Not really how he was.”

Joel didn’t know what to say. He just finished off his drink and she was quick to fill his glass again, “I’m pretty sure that he just used me for sex. Because I’m really good at it.”

Hearing that caused Joel to choke on his drink, an amused smile tugging at his lips with how blunt she was being, “I’m serious. I’m really good at it. My blowjobs are top notch.”

“You might want to lower the volume there darlin’,” Joel urged her, placing his hand out in front of her to get her to notice that a few people from the bar were staring out at her after what she said. “You might draw the wrong crowd and the last thing we need is one of these people trying to take advantage of you when you are very obviously drunk.”

“I’m serious though,” she continued on, having a warmth flooding into Joel’s face with her rambling. Both from embarrassment and worry that people were hearing her go on and on. “I promise you that if I gave you a blowjob it would be the best you’ve ever had. I’m a doctor. I know what to touch. I know how to pay attention to the way you react to things. I was trained to be an expert about the human body and I’m good at it. I could keep edging you until you had one of the most powerful orgasms you’ve ever had. I know how to use my body to make you feel good.”

“Uhm…” Joel shifted, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat with the way that she was talking. Looking back over his shoulder, Joel noticed a few of the regulars that were sitting at the bar started to pay more attention than they really should have been. “Mind your business fellas. We’re having a bit of a breakdown over here.”

“Let them listen. Maybe the best thing for me is to hook up with someone here. Show my ex-boyfriend that I don’t care,” she ranted, pouring herself another drink. Reaching for the bottle, Joel made sure that he had a hold of it because he thought she had more than enough for tonight.

“No one here is good enough for that,” Joel was quiet in the way he spoke, sliding in closer to her to hush her. “No one is good enough for you. And someone might take advantage of what you’re saying right now, so try to tone it down a little bit. I don’t want one of these guys hurting you.”

“And suddenly you care,” she seemed to slur a little, an amused smirk pressing in over her features. “What about you? Did you ever have a bad breakup?”

“I really don’t want to do this,” Joel claimed, his hand placing in over the center of his chest. Reaching for the glass that she had poured for him previously, he swallowed it down hard and then poured himself another. For a while she just stared at him. Expecting him to open up. Grunting, Joel let out a tense breath and nodded his head. “Yeah, I was married at one point.”

“What happened?” she wondered, her eyes big when she looked to him for the story.

“Too much,” Joel stressed, a rush of color flooding into his face. Holding his hand up, he realized that she was pouting and rolled her eyes. With her pouting, he knew that he was never going to hear the end of it if he didn’t give her some kind of answer. “It ended. What else is there to really say? I was young. It didn’t work out.”

“She left you broken hearted, huh?” she inquired, tracing her fingers over the top of the glass. Grumbling to himself, Joel was quick to finish his drink again. Hell, it was a bad idea but he filled his glass once more. These weren’t thoughts he was happy bringing up.

“Yeah. She abandoned me when…” Joel stopped talking, a muscle in his jaw flexing when he thought back on his life. “It doesn’t matter. It was for the best that she did disappear. She wasn’t much of a wife in the first place.”

“Both of us have been scorned by people we thought we loved,” she emphasized her words, trying to reach for the bottle that Joel had snatched earlier, but he kept it from her. Making sure to keep a distance from her and the bottle, Joel wasn’t allowing her to grab it. Her hands pressed in over his chest, but he shook his head firmly. “You’ve had just as much as me tonight.”

“I’m bigger than you,” Joel bobbed his head about, not wanting her to get hurt from all that she was drinking. By the way she was talking and the lack of her filtering system, there was no way that she was okay here. “I think you drank too much, too fast. And I probably did too.”

“You’re no fun,” she frowned, lowering her head to rest it over the top of the table. Growling, Joel finished off his drink and knew that he would be feeling all of the glasses he drank later. So there was no doubt that she would be too.

“So I’ve heard,” Joel muttered under his breath, finishing off the bottle that was before them and pushing it toward the edge of the bar. Drinking the rest of it kept her from being able to have any more. Something told him that while he was used to drinking heavily, she wasn’t.

The sound of people having fun caused her to lift her head from the bar top to look over her shoulder at the people dancing together, “Do you want to dance with me?”

“No,” Joel shook his head immediately, his response upsetting her in the moment. “It’s not just because it’s you, I just don’t…dance.”

“Why?” she pushed, her hand reaching out to place it in over his to try to get his attention on her. “Are people going to freak out if you end up dancing with someone?”

“I don’t care what people think,” Joel vowed biting down on his bottom lip, but by her expression he could tell that she didn’t believe him. “I just don’t do a lot of things.”

“And maybe that’s why you’re sad like me,” she hinted evoking Joel to grumble something under his breath.

“Who said I’m sad?” Joel countered, shaking his head in disbelief that she would even make that kind of suggestion. “You know nothing about me.”

“You drink to numb the pain. You’re angry, all the time,” she listed off the things that she had experienced with Joel since she had come to town. “You like being alone. You don’t surround yourself with people. You’re torturing yourself for some reason because you don’t think you deserve to be happy.”

Slouching forward, Joel’s breathing grew louder and she knew by what she had said that she was right, “Broken recognizes broken. There’s a reason I was drawn to you. You and me? We’re exactly alike.”

“We’re nothing alike,” Joel retorted with a wrinkle of his nose finding it hard to believe that there was much there between them that was similar. “You’re just drunk and you’re saying things that you really shouldn’t be saying.”

“Come dance with me,” she begged, standing up from the seat and holding her hand out toward Joel waiting for him to accept her offer. After standing there for longer than she really should have, she threw her hands up in the air. “Fine then, if you won’t dance with me, I’ll ask one of these fine gentleman here to dance with me and then afterwards…”

Stumbling toward the men that she had drawn the attention of earlier with her sexual comments had Joel hopping up from the seat to reach out to grab a hold of her arm. Hissing out, Joel moved with her toward the area where people were dancing and it made her smile.

By now the music was a slow song and Joel felt embarrassed when she reached for his hand. Stepping closer to him, she placed her hand at the small of his back and Joel did something similar, “I don’t…dance.”

“Just move your body to the music,” she couldn’t help but laugh with Joel standing before her stiff as a board not moving at all. Stepping back, she reached for his wrists and started to wiggle them having him scoff. “Loosen up Mr. Miller. No one cares that you are up here dancing. And if they do, fuck them.”

“I don’t really loosen up,” Joel tried to explain to her rolling his eyes at the way she was attempting to get him to relax. Releasing a long exhale, Joel slouched a bit and made a dramatic expression. “Better?”

“We’ll work on it,” she reached for his arm to lead it around her waist. Dropping his head back, Joel hated that he got himself into this position, he just didn’t want her to end up hurt by someone else in the town. Sure, he knew most people here but he didn’t trust a lot of them. Grasping his other hand in hers, she just led him to move slightly while the other people around them did something similar. “Not bad, right?”

“It’s awful,” Joel snarled getting her to laugh and drop her head forward to rest it against the center of his chest. When she did that the scent of her perfume flooded through his lungs and it made him take in a sharp breath. “I don’t like being the center of attention. I don’t know how many times I can tell you that.”

“I’ve picked up on it,” she admitted, lifting her head slowly and locking her eyes with his. Sliding her free hand up over Joel’s arm had her eyes growing wide. For a moment she stopped to squeeze at his bicep and it made him laugh. “Wow, you’ve got a bicep going on there Mr. Miller.”

“You know it’s against the law to feel someone up against their will,” Joel replied getting a tiny laugh to fall from her lips at his comment. “I’m just saying.”

“It was innocent,” she hushed him, moving in closer to him while the two of them continued to dance. It was hard to block out the rest of the world around them, but he was trying everything to pretend that no one else was there while he did this with her. “What do you think I should do? Do you think I should go home?”

“I’d say you should do whatever you want to,” Joel gave her the right answer that anyone should have. “If you want to stick it out here, try it. If you want to go back home, go back home.”

“Going back home scares me,” she was honest with Joel, her silly expression fading when she thought back on her life. “I don’t know what I’m capable of if I go back home and realize how awful things truly are.”

“Then don’t go home,” Joel was quick to respond, a disappointed breath falling from his throat. “I don’t know what’s going on in your life. But I do know what it’s like for things to be hard. For things to feel like the end of the world. Life doesn’t always work out the way we hoped, but you just…you gotta keep finding things to fight for. Or you’ll never survive.”

For the first time since she had been here, Joel could really see the sadness in her eyes. Pulling her close, Joel cuddled his head in against hers and continued to dance with her. In the distance he could see that Tommy and Maria were still there in the corner of the bar. Their dancing had caught Tommy’s attention and he was watching the two of them together. Trying to avoid his brother, Joel heard the sound of awe from Y/N when the next song started to play.

“Now this is a good one,” she remarked, humming the tune while she danced along with Joel. “I’m not really one for country music? But this song? I love it.”

“Why?” Joel snickered, his face scrunching up in amusement attempting to listen to the lyrics.

“You don’t know this song? It’s Amazed by Lonestar,” she educated him on the song causing his right eyebrow to arch while they continued to move together.

“I never said I didn’t know the song, I asked you why you loved it,” Joel reminded her of what he had said, moving just enough so he couldn’t see his brother and the group Tommy was with. It was a way to keep himself distracted.

“Listen to the lyrics,” she instructed, her hand pressing firmly in over his chest. “It’s a song about a person being so incredibly in love with someone that they can’t imagine life without the person they love.”

She hushed him in the moment, imploring him to listen to the lyrics as she sang them herself, “I don't know how you do what you do. I’m so in love with you. It just keeps getting better and better. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side. Forever and ever.”

Having her singing in front of him had a tiny smirk remaining over his lips. Here he was, someone who wanted to be a singer when he was younger being afraid of singing in front of her, but she was singing along to the tune of the song they were dancing to together, “So you’re a romantic?”

“Everyone is a romantic,” she stopped singing long enough to respond back to him making him snort. “They are.”

“It’s unrealistic,” Joel disagreed, his head shaking slowly at the thought of the song. “No one is in love with everything someone does. You’re bound to get irritated with someone. And people can tell you that they want to spend the rest of their life with you, but they never really mean it.”

“It sounds nice though, doesn’t it?” she didn’t fight him on his rebuttal, sighing loudly at the idea of what the song was stressing. “To have someone love you so much that even your flaws have them falling more and more in love with you.”

As the song ended, Joel could hear the upbeat music surrounding him. A slow song he could handle, but not one like this, “How about I walk you back to the inn so we can let you get some sleep because it’s getting late?”

Since he was offering, she just gave him a nod. Motioning him to wait, she headed back to the bar to pay the bill and he moved in beside her while she finished. Quickly, he led her toward the door to exit and once they got outside, he watched her shudder. “You’ll eventually get used to the cold. Probably by the time you leave, but you’ll get used to it.”

“I’m sorry,” she blurt out, surprising him as he walked side by side with her. “Here I am completely unloading on you and you never liked me to begin with. Now you’re stuck walking me home.”

“Who said I didn’t like you?” Joel grunted, noticing that she reached the depression stage in her drunken state. “Just because I bicker with you doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I don’t like anyone. So it really has nothing to do with you.”

“I just think I’m a bother,” she confessed, swallowing down hard as they walked together in the snow back to the inn.

“It’s not like I had anything better to do tonight,” Joel attempted to make her feel better. The last thing he wanted to do was make her feel even more depressed with her drunk like this. Emotions were strong when you were drunk and he knew what he was capable of when he was intoxicated. He didn’t want that for her. “Instead of drinking alone, I got to spend my time with someone else.”

“Which is misery for you,” she smirked getting Joel to chuckle at the idea.

“I handled it,” Joel promised her, swiftly reaching his arm out to hook his around hers when she slipped to keep her from falling. Grumbling something under his breath, Joel sighed loudly. “You need to learn to be careful.”

“I’m not used to this shit,” she stammered, throwing her free hand about showing that the area was still very much snowy. “In New York they usually take care of this shit pretty quickly. I’m sorry.”

“Stop telling me that you’re sorry,” Joel ordered, his lips parting with a huff falling from his throat.

“Sorry,” she apologized once more, a stressed exhale escaping her lips. It made Joel laugh that once again she was saying it. “I mean…”

“You’ll work on it,” Joel held his hand up so she didn’t have to continue to think about it. “I used to apologize a lot too when I was younger for things that I had no control over. You’ll learn that it doesn’t matter. You did nothing wrong.”

“Thank you,” she was now really starting to feel the effects of the alcohol hitting her. Joel was right. She drank too much too fast. “Not just for the pep talk, but just for tonight. As sad as it is, tonight is probably the best night I’ve had in a very long time. That shows you how pathetic I am.”

Instead of responding, Joel just gave her a nod as they approached the inn, “Do you need help getting up to your room?”

“No, I’m fine,” she assured him, stepping back and away from him. Pushing his hands into his pockets Joel watched her as she headed toward the entrance of the inn. Second guessing, she turned on her heel and looked back to Joel. “You know, there is more to you than you think there is. You’re not just some grumpy man…”

“Thanks for that,” Joel was amused with the way she worded her statement. It looked like she wanted to say more, but then turned back around. Going to step up toward the building, she felt her legs giving out on her and before she could fall Joel was behind her catching her. “You need help into your room.”

“It was just ice,” she refused hearing Joel grunting when he helped her back up to her feet.

“There’s no ice there,” Joel directed her to look down where it was only a step that they had managed to keep clean from the snow and ice. “You’re just drunk. And pretty damn drunk.”

Turning in Joel’s arms, her hands braced in over the center of Joel’s chest and she looked up at him with big eyes, “You have puppy dog eyes. They’re big…and brown.”

“They’ve been that way my whole life,” Joel smirked, hearing the sound of someone exiting the inn. It was an older woman who caught sight of them and Joel could see the smile that pressed in over her features with looking at them.

“You’re under the mistletoe,” the woman pointed up toward the decorations that Tommy or Maria had undoubtedly put there.

“Nah, that’s not mistletoe. That’s something…else,” Joel suggested, not really sure if that was true or not. Really, he had no idea what mistletoe looked like, but he wasn’t about to admit that his brother or his wife was ridiculous enough to put that at the front of their inn.

“No, that’s mistletoe and it’s customary for two people underneath it to kiss,” the older woman explained getting Joel to laugh thickly at the idea of it. “It’s bad luck if you don’t. If you look up the history of it you’ll see what I’m talking about.”

“I’m not really one to follow the…” Joel’s words came to a quick halt with Y/N tugging at the collar of his jacket. Pulling Joel down, she captured his lips in a kiss that he wasn’t prepared for. What should have been his natural reaction was to pull away, but he didn’t. Instead, his hands dropped down over her sides bracing at her hips almost instinctively. Each sweep of her lips over his was tender and passionate. It drew chills down his spine. With each passing second, the kiss continued with her fingers sinking into the tiny curls of hair at the bottom of his neck. By the time that she broke away from the kiss it had Joel’s eyes fluttering back to an open with his breathing heavy. “Rules.”

“I don’t need any more bad luck,” she explained to him in a whisper why she had kissed him, her lips still lingering over his. The warmth of their breath still pressed over the other’s lips and Joel’s eyelids grew heavy while he stared down at her. After the woman had gotten them to kiss she was back on her way wherever she was headed leaving them standing together in front of the inn. By now neither one of them had moved. His hands were still settled at her hips and she still had her arms wrapped around his shoulders. “I think we both could start using some good luck. With traditions and all.”

“Yeah,” Joel couldn’t gather much to say, just giving her a small nod. Realizing that it was starting to snow again, Joel swallowed down hard still feeling the warmth of her lips lingering over his. “Maybe we should get you to your room now.”

With a silent nod, she unhurriedly dropped her arms down. One of Joel’s hands dropped down, the other grabbed a hold of hers to help her back into the inn. Walking through the lobby, he took note of the fact that no one was there anymore. It was late enough that anyone who was staying at the inn would be in there rooms and the restaurant along with the bar were likely closed. The only person there was an employee that was sitting in the registration room facing away from them while watching something on their cell phone.

Taking his time leading her up the stairs, Joel huffed when they got to the top and she pulled her hand from his to move over toward the sitting area that was there, “I just need a breather for a minute.”

“Your room is right there,” Joel pointed toward the area she was staying from where he was standing on the last step to get to the second floor. Moving in closer to the fire, she held out her hands and Joel grumbled to himself. Joining her in the sitting area, Joel noticed the way that she was shivering. “You can get under your blankets, get warm.”

“My room doesn’t have this fire,” she explained to him, pointing toward it getting Joel to smirk. “I can’t remember the last time I sat by a lit fireplace like this. It’s the closest I’ve felt to Christmas in a long time.”

“This is the closest you’ve felt to Christmas?” Joel wondered, finding that hard to believe. “You’re from one of the cities that goes all out for Christmas. And sitting here in front of the fireplace is where you feel the closest to Christmas?”

“It reminds me of being young,” she claimed, her eyes looking tired when she rubbed her hands together to warm up. “I remember when I was little sitting by the fire with my parents. They’d tell me stories about Santa while we shared hot cocoa. It brings back old memories. Don’t you have any of those?”

“I uh…” Joel swallowed down hard, leaning further back in the seat that he was in. Stretching out in the chair, he didn’t know what to say. “I try not to think about my youth all that much. Or my past. It makes me feel things that I don’t want to feel.”

“Like what?” she whispered, giving him her full attention and he felt on the spot.

“Sad,” he was honest with her, a lump growing in his throat. Forcing himself to look away from her, he knew he didn’t want to elaborate because he knew that he couldn’t handle it. A moment later, he felt her hand pressing in against his. Allowing her to touch him, Joel sucked in a sharp breath of air with her fingers hooking with his.

“Me too,” she informed him, squeezing his fingers in her grasp. “I’m sorry Joel.”

Caressing his thumb at the back of her hand, Joel’s heart skipped a beat when their eyes connected. Sliding to the edge of the chair he was seated in, Joel shakily reached out to sweep his fingers in over her jawline. It had her leaning into his touch, her eyes coming to a tight close.

“Is it bad that I keep thinking about kissing you?” she finally spoke up, her eyes coming to a slow open. Contemplating the question, he gave a single shake of his head knowing that he had been thinking about it too. “You tasted like whiskey and peppermint.”

“Oh,” Joel smirked, keeping his fingers still hooked with hers, but with his free hand he motioned her to wait. Digging into his pocket he pulled out the candies that he had snagged from the front desk earlier when he was at registration. “I’ve been eating these all day.”

“That explains it,” she chuckled seemingly moving in closer when Joel put them back into his pocket. Lowering her eyes to gaze over his lips, she went to speak up, but then paused. Looking as if she was embarrassed. “Would you be angry if I kissed you again?”

“No,” Joel whispered, granting her permission to lean in closer to him. The warmth of her breath pressed in over his lips helping to add to the chills that ran down his spine. Nudging her nose faintly with his, Joel’s body seemed to tense up with her bottom lip slightly dragging across his. In that moment, his eyes closed with her mouth covering his. Faint brushes of her lips over his had him pressing in closer to her providing her with the encouragement to continue to kiss him. Starting to kiss her back, Joel’s free hand caressed up over her shoulder toward her neck with his fingers wrapping around the back of it. Sweeping his thumb in over her jawline while they kissed had her purring into his mouth.

A nervous breath escaped him when she released his hand, standing up from the seat that she was in. Stepping before Joel, she carefully crawled in over him and it had a tremoring breath escaping him. Palming up over her thighs, Joel tipped his head back with his lips parted. There was something in the way her eyes locked with his that had his heartbeat skipping in his chest. Cupping his face in her hands, her thumbs caressed at the sides of his face. Closing his eyes, he liked the way it felt to have someone touching him like that. It had been so long since he had felt a tender sweep like hers.

“You are so handsome,” she slurred, dragging her thumb across Joel’s bottom lip. Pressing gentle kisses at the pad of her thumb had her whimpering. A low rumble of a moan escaped his throat, with her right hand sliding over the back of his head to sink into the thick tresses of his hair. A gentle tug had him tipping his head back so she could cover his lips with hers again. Nibbling at her bottom lip had her lowering down in over his lap getting him to pull back slightly to look between them. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Joel assured her swallowing down hard as she started to kiss at his jawline down over his neck. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, Joel’s hands slid in around her to palm at her bottom giving it a small squeeze. By the moan she gave, it relieved him to know that she was okay with it. Grasping her jaw between his thumb and index finger, Joel urged her back to him to steal a hungry kiss from her lips. It had her lips parting allowing him to brush the warmth of his tongue against hers. Returning the gesture had Joel humming against her mouth, the vibrations of it causing her to whimper. Their foreheads pressed together with her hands flattening out over the center of Joel’s chest, caressing down over his abdomen. Lifting up in the seat, Joel nipped at her chin evoking a moan to escape her lips. The softest of rolls of her hips over his had his head tipping back, dropping back against the chair. “Y/N…”

A moment later, her hands were working to press up underneath his button down and his white t-shirt. Once the warmth of her fingertips dragged across the flesh of his abdomen, it had Joel’s back involuntarily arching up toward her, “It’s been a very long time since I’ve been with someone…”

“That’s okay,” she hushed him, standing up from his lap making him nervous that she was ready to leave after his confession. A moment later, she was carefully lowering down to her knees, pushing his legs open slightly. Adjusting his positioning, Joel’s breathing grew louder with her fingers caressing up and over his thighs. Having her eyes looking up at him like they were as her hands caressed further up his body had him sucking in another sharp breath of air. “When was the last time you had a good blowjob?”

“Hey…hey,” Joel lifted his head to make sure that they were alone knowing that just below them was the employee that was working for him. “We’re in public.”

“Everyone goes to bed early here. No one is going to come out,” she assured him, attempting to reach for the belt in Joel’s pants, but he was quick to reach for her hands trying to stop her. “It’s okay. We’re alone. Do you not want a blowjob?”

“I’d love a blowjob, but I’m not sure this is such a great idea,” Joel admitted hearing the sound of his belt jangling when she managed to get it undone. Grunting out, Joel was surprised how strong she was when she started tugging at the button in his pants. After she got the material separated, she was swiftly pulling down the zipper. “I’m not sure you’re sober enough to do this.”

“I know what I’m doing,” she promised, her eyes locking with his while she caressed over his thighs again. “You deserve this. I promise you, you won’t regret it.”

“But you might,” Joel thought aloud, gulping loudly when she lifted up enough to push at the bottom of his shirts again getting the material up under his chest. Immediately her lips brushed over the area right below his navel getting him to groan out. His eyes came to a tight close while she peppered wet kisses over his flesh. A raspy moan followed when he felt her left hand drop to caress in over the center of his pants. “Y/N…”

Biting down on his bottom lip, he tried to silence himself to keep the employee from knowing what was happening while her caress focused in over his manhood having him growing rigid beneath her touch. Caressing his hand in over the back of her neck, Joel trembled when she started lowering her kisses down over his body. Kissing at his thighs through the denim, her head centered in over his lap. Grunting out, Joel felt the weight of her over him growing heavier and he dropped his head down to hear her breathing loudly.

“Y/N?” Joel breathed out her name, stroking his hand over the back of her head. Scrambling to move forward, Joel managed to lift her head up realizing that she passed out in his lap.

Cussing to himself, Joel took a quick look around and wiggled beneath her enough to be able to hook his arms around her. Lifting her up, Joel knew that she was way too drunk to be making these kind of decisions. Carrying her over toward her room, Joel balanced her the best he could to reach for his keys. Fumbling with the keys, he almost fell into her room when he did manage to get the door open. Entering her room, he kicked the door shut with his heel and carefully carried her over toward her bedroom. Lowering her into the bed, Joel went to leave, but then second thought things.

Reaching for her shoes, Joel managed to get them off setting them aside on the floor. Working the blankets down in the bed, Joel started to pull them up in over her tucking her in. Adjusting her pillows under her head, Joel was very cautious in the way he moved her wanting to make sure that she was comfortable when she woke up in the morning. Caressing down over the side of her face, Joel sighed loudly and went to leave.

“Joel,” he felt the faintest of touches sweeping in against his wrist. “Would you lay with me?”

“Here,” Joel outstretched his hand, grabbing the teddy bear that was sitting on the nightstand. Working him into her arms, Joel gave her a weak smile and shrugged his shoulders. “He’s a much better cuddler than I am.”

“Please? I…I don’t want to be alone,” she whispered leaning into the warmth of Joel’s touch with him caressing at the side of her face.

“You barely know me,” Joel reminded her, swallowing loudly with her turning into his palm to press a kiss over the center of it.

With another begging expression, Joel cussed to himself and dropped his head down against the edge of the bed. Standing up, he took his time kicking out of his boots. Pulling back the covers, Joel crawled into bed with her. Carefully, he slid in beside her. Turning away from him, she lifted her arm hinting to him that she wanted him to hold her.

Doing as she asked, Joel’s arm loosely wrapped around her waist with him nuzzling his nose against the back of her neck when she got comfortable in his arms. Lifting up just enough he managed to turn off the light. The sensation of her fingers hooking with his took his breath away with the two of them getting relaxed in her bed.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her breathing growing loud again when she easily fell back asleep in his arms.

Cuddling in close to her, Joel felt the lump at his throat growing realizing this was the most at ease he had been in a very long time. What the hell was he getting himself into?

----

Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen

@brittmb115

[christinamadsen]

Amazing chapter again! 🎄🥰

Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 2

Summary: Waking up in Jackson is surprisingly more comfortable than Y/N expects, but she realizes that she needs to get a warmer wardrobe while she stays there. As a favor for Tommy, Joel walks her to the store. During their walk she starts to realize that she stands out in the small town more than she would care to.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, Maria Miller, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/156639493

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Grumpy Joel, etc.

Notes: Thanks for anyone that reads this. If you want to find the first chapter to read, you can find it here.

There were a lot of things that Y/N was expecting to feel when she woke up this morning, but refreshed was not one of them. After the night she had? She thought she would wake up regretting her decision to take this spontaneous trip completely. Everything started off badly, so it was easy to think that. But truthfully? Last night had probably been the most sleep she had gotten in a very long time. And it was sound sleep. Not the kind of broken up sleep that she had grown used to over the years. Especially with her job. Being a doctor meant long hours and very small amounts of sleep.

Surprisingly? The bed was comfortable. The extensive Christmas lights in her room were calming, helping to put her at ease by the time that she woke up. And it was nice to finally wake up when she wanted to. Usually she was woken up by an alarm or someone calling her into work. So this was something that she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

When she woke up, she laid in bed for a while. Having no obligations felt incredible. Getting up when she wanted was amazing. She made herself coffee from the machine that was in her room and got a hot shower in that lingered longer than it probably should have. Even though this was a strange place to stay, the amenities weren’t all that bad. It was quiet. And more than anything? That’s what she needed right now.

The only responsibility that she knew that she had to do today was get some warmer clothes to wear around town. Even though she felt like she could get lost in the hallways of the inn finding something new at every corner, she knew that she didn’t want to stay locked up all day. So, that’s where she was officially headed. Downstairs in search of someone that might be able to give her a suggestion as to where she could get clothes. Freezing wasn’t something she was hoping to do in her time here. The taxi driver from the night before had told her that a large snowstorm was coming in the next few days. Which meant she needed to be prepared before it was too late.

Leaving her suite surprised her. Unlike last night where the whole place was eerily empty, there was a group of people sitting by the second story fireplace. As she made her way downstairs, she was impressed to see that the lobby was also pretty full with people. Most of them were circled by the fireplace talking or walking around the lobby gazing upon the many decorations. A lot of people there appeared to be family or groups of friends? Truthfully? She looked like the only person that was there alone.

Looking around, she was surprised how many people were actually there. Then again, she wondered if these were people that were staying at the hotel or they were people just coming in to check out the decorations. There was also that bar and restaurant that was attached that probably drew people here as well. What she thought was a ghost town was really only a ghost town late at night. Things must have shut down early in Jackson and after living in New York City? That wasn’t something that she was used to.

Unlike last night, she allowed herself the chance to take everything in. Now that she had gotten sleep, she was observing everything in a different light. She still thought the whole place was a little over the top, but with people around, she wasn’t seeing it in the light that she did last night. There was a charm to it that brought a sense of joy throughout her.   

“Ms. Y/N!” a familiar voice called out to her and she looked over her shoulder to see that Tommy was talking with a group of people but had obviously seen her come down the stairs. Excusing himself, Tommy made his way over to her. It surprised her that he would even want to interact with her how things went last night, but his bright smile was still there when he approached her. “How are we doing this morning?”

“Surprisingly well,” she was honest, shocked to see that Tommy was still the one up and about. Considering he was the one that helped her last night when she showed up, she assumed that she wouldn’t be seeing him. “I got some of the best sleep that I’ve had in a long time.”

“Amazing, I’m so glad to hear that,” Tommy rubbed his hands together, his smile growing larger. Looking around, Tommy motioned Y/N to follow him toward a corner of the lobby where the majority of the people weren’t. “I’m very sorry for how my brother acted last night. We’re very thankful that you chose to join us for the holidays.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m from New York, I’m used to people like your brother,” she admitted knowing that Joel really did get under her skin last night, but she was trying to lie about it. After everything she went through Joel only felt like a minor inconvenience. “There is a huge difference between you and your brother. I can see that you are a genuine, sweet person. You have one of those smiles.”

“Thank you,” it looked like a huge amount of weight had been lifted from Tommy’s shoulders with her saying that to him. “I try my best to be the best version of myself that I can always be. And trust me, when you meet my wife, you are gonna love her. She’s my better half. When you meet her, you’ll understand the smile that is always on my face.”

“That’s very sweet,” she noted, giving a small nod and looking around the lobby again. “I hate to bother you, but seeing as this is the warmest outfit that I brought with me, do you think you could point me in the right direction of somewhere I can head to get some clothes?”

“That’s your warmest?” Tommy looked her over, giving her a quick nod. By the expression over his face she could tell that he was shocked she came here with only that. “Yeah, you’re definitely gonna need something more to keep you warm. Anything you need, you can pretty much find in walking distance here. I can write down a few places and…”

“Tommy, I’m just going to drop this stuff off at the post office,” a thick, southern drawl interrupted Tommy showing that Joel was moving out of the registration office wearing a thick winter coat. A bag was thrown over his shoulder and when he saw who Tommy was talking to, Joel’s words came to a quick stop. A rush of color flooded into Joel’s face and he forced himself to look down. “I’ll be back in a few. I have some things I need to do.”

“Y’know what?” Tommy looked between Joel and Y/N, clapping his hands together. “Why don’t you show Y/N here where she can get herself some warmer clothes in town. You’re going to the post office and I know that on the way there are a few shops.”

“Tommy!” Joel snapped, his brown eyes growing angry. The lines in his forehead grew deeper, his hand throwing up in frustration. “I don’t really have time right now.”

“You have nothing, but time!” Tommy cut Joel off from complaining, the smile that was usually plastered over his face disappearing and a serious expression replaced it. Their bickering made Y/N feel out of place. There was some obvious tension between the two brothers. But she wondered if it was because of her and only her or if it was there all along. “After last night, you owe me. And you owe her.”

“Sure thing little brother,” Joel grumbled under his breath, his brown eyes locking with Y/N’s. Firmly, Joel patted Tommy’s shoulder drawing a grunt to escape Tommy. There was probably more strength to that movement than Tommy would have liked. “I would love to show you around town on my way to the post office. We don’t want you freezing with the time that you are spending here.”

“Good man,” Tommy returned the gesture, patting Joel on the shoulder. Giving Joel a reaffirming nod, she could tell just by the way that they locked eyes that things were still uneasy between them. As fast as it was gone, Tommy’s smile returned and he brushed his longer hair back over his shoulders. “Alright, Ms. Y/N, just follow Joel here and he’ll get you to where you need to be.”

“You know what? He doesn’t have to do that,” Y/N was quick to turn down the offer getting both of the brothers to look over at her with their dark eyes. Really? She didn’t want to be the reason that these two were fighting with each other. And she could tell that she was causing them tension. “I can just walk around and find things myself.”

“Nah, I insist,” Joel slurred nodding his head toward the door for them to leave. “A town like this could be overwhelming for someone the first time they are in it. So I have no problem helping you find your way.”

“See you later,” Tommy waved with Joel leading Y/N toward the back door of the building to leave. Since she had entered through the front the day before, she was already seeing new parts of the inn that she hadn’t seen last night.  But instead of letting her get a look at it, Joel was quick to place his hand in over her lower back to rush her out.

Even though Joel had an obvious disdain for her, he still held the door open for her. Well, at least he had a sense of chivalry in him. That might have been the one thing he had left from his southern charm. A wince escaped her lips once she made it outside. The wind was cold and it didn’t matter if this was the warmest thing she had. Cold in New York was very different than cold in Jackson.

Turning on her heel, she let out a tense breath when she came face to face with a giant bear wooden carving, “Oh give me a fucking break.”

Realizing that the carving was actually a chair caused her to start laughing uncontrollably, “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Hey, don’t knock it. The guests just love taking their selfies and what not sitting on that thing,” Joel pointed over toward the bear that she was absolutely amused with. “In fact, I reckon if you sat there right now and we took a photo of you sitting there, I bet the people on your socials would go crazy for it.”

“My socials?” she couldn’t help but muse, her eyebrows bouncing up in amusement. “How old do you think I am?”

“I’m just repeating what I’ve heard,” Joel snorted, sucking in a sharp breath of air. Waving her forward, Joel tried to get her to focus so he could get to what he wanted to do. “Now if you’ll follow me…”

With a single nod, she started trailing behind Joel on the sidewalk. Pretty quickly, Joel noticed that she had stopped in her tracks. Looking over his shoulder, he could see that her eyes were locked on something in the distance. There was a certain awed expression that was in them. Throwing his hands up in the air, he scoffed with her keeping him back longer. When he realized what she was staring at, he couldn’t help but smirk, “What? You’ve never seen mountains before?”

“Nothing like this,” she confessed with the sight of the snowy mountain in the distance. The moment she saw them they took her breath away. Stepping in beside her, Joel joined her staring out at the mountain she was focused on. “The town is completely surrounded by them. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“I forgot that you showed up when it was dark so you didn’t see this,” Joel commented, stealing a quick look at her. It had been a long time since he had seen someone so impressed. Everyone here was used to this? This was normal. But for someone like her? This was a completely new experience all together. And the admiration she had for it was evident. Considering he had lived here for so long, it had been years since he stopped to appreciate the beauty of everything. “See, not everything around here is awful. Mother nature can actually be really beautiful. I know it’s not like your city scape, but this is just as beautiful, if not more if you ask me.”

“Hey, don’t knock New York. It’s the most beautiful city in the world,” she suggested getting a chuckle out of Joel who immediately shook his head.

Yes, Jackson was stunning. The buildings weren’t everything that she would want from a small town, but the surroundings? It felt like she was standing in the middle of a painting. They were so gorgeous that they didn’t seem real. But New York City? Well that was a very special place for her.

“I’m gonna have to disagree with you there,” Joel retorted, sucking in a sharp breath of air. “There is something about fresh air that just feels so much better than the pollution you breathe in every day in big cities.”

“Have you ever been to New York City?” she wondered, looking to Joel after she finally pulled her eyes away from the mountains. “There is something about it that is so beautiful. There are so many things magical about the city. Especially during Christmas time.”

“And yet you’re here,” Joel pointed out, tipping his head to the side with an arrogant bob. Realization struck when she knew that he was right. But it wasn’t the city she was running away from. It was her life. And she still found beauty in the city that she lived in. “I can’t say that I’ve ever been there, but I did spend some time in Boston for a while. With my old job, you’d think I would have loved the city.”

“What was your old job?” she questioned getting a laugh from Joel who started walking again. Swiftly moving forward, she did her best to catch up with him. Having her asking him about his life had turned him completely off of their discussion. “What? You weren’t always co-owner of the local inn?”

“This was Tommy’s idea,” Joel snorted, his nose wrinkling when he thought about the inn that they ran together. Giving her a quick glance, Joel swallowed down hard when he realized that she was staring out at him with big eyes desperate to have some kind of conversation. “I used to be a contractor. Ran my own business.”

“No shit!” she was blunt in response evoking another grunt from Joel’s throat. Truthfully? It was hard to pinpoint the kind of person that she was. When he first saw her eyeballing the inn when she arrived, he thought she was a stuck-up person. But when she said things like that? He thought something completely different. “Then a place like New York is perfect for you. If you’re a contractor…”

“I was a contractor!” Joel spoke loudly, interrupting her train of thought. There was some color growing in her cheeks and he didn’t know if it was from the cold or the embarrassment of being shut down by him.

“I was just saying I think you’d really love some of the buildings that were there,” she spoke quietly, unaware if she had offended him in some way. There appeared to be a sense of anger flooding throughout his body and she wondered what she had done. “Just getting to walk around would be enjoyable I think. You could get lost for hours. There is this church that I like to…”

“Isn’t it cold in New York City?” Joel shut her down once more with her talking about her thoughts on whether he would enjoy something or not. Noticing the way that she was tremoring, Joel found himself frustrated with her. “Why the hell did you come here with just that?”

“Yeah. Of course it’s cold in New York City. It’s just, not this cold,” she explained to him, rubbing her hands together as she tried to gather some warmth. Noticing that people were starting to stare at her while she walked with Joel made her feel out of place and uncomfortable. “People are staring at me.”

“Well, yeah. You kind of stand out like a sore thumb darlin’,” Joel reminded her with a raspy laugh. People around here were always sticking their nose in other people’s business so he wasn’t surprised that she was having people giving her weird looks. “You look like you’re dressed for a run in Central Park during the spring. Not for a walk-through Wyoming during the winter. You’re gonna draw attention. Plus, everyone knows everyone around here. And they don’t wear the kinda clothes that you do. That’s why I said, none of this really made sense with what you decided to do. We get people coming here all the time because they want to do the skiing. Or they want to see movie locations from the films that were done out here. But no one usually comes alone. Especially at Christmas time. Most businesses don’t pass through here. Hell, only twelve major cities in the United States have direct flights to Jackson. So, people aren’t gonna be used to someone like you.”

“It can’t be that bad,” she took a look around realizing that she was in fact getting strange looks from people as they passed. That was going to be hard getting used to. In New York City? For the most part, she felt invisible. Here, she was the center of attention. “Okay. So at least the mountains and the bed at the inn are nice. The people? They make me kind of ill at ease.”

“I don’t know what you expect,” Joel waved his hand about in the air, his blood boiling when he thought about her decision to just randomly show up to a city she knew nothing about. “I think if you told anyone how you ended up here, they would look at you like you were nuts. You don’t fit in here.”

“I recognize that,” she agreed with him, biting down on her bottom lip. Feeling guilty about things, she shrugged her shoulders and sighed loudly. “Let’s just say I wasn’t in the best headspace when I decided to get on a plane and leave.”

“Gotcha,” Joel grumbled under his breath, clinging tightly to the bag that was thrown over his shoulder. “I think that was fairly obvious. Most people don’t get on a plane and just have a stranger pick where they are going.”

“I just wanted to get away,” she was honest with Joel, not elaborating because she remembered him telling her the night before that he didn’t really care. Looking around them, she caught sight of the old movie theater that was across the street. And right beside it there was a grocery store. What really caught her attention was the names of things. The Grand Teton Theater. Twin Sisters Grocer. The Main Street Gallery. This was undoubtedly a small town. From their blacksmith to their hardware store. Everything looked like it was out of an old western film that was doing its best to cover up and pretend to be a modern town. “Let’s just say life isn’t really the best right now.”

“How bad can it be?” Joel retorted, his nose wrinkling in what looked like disgust. His question seemed to upset her when she cleared her throat uneasily. “I just mean you visibly have a large amount of money. You can do whatever you want. I picture you have a fancy apartment where you can watch the city. And enjoy it with your family.”

“I don’t have a family,” she muttered under her breath, her body tense when Joel stopped to steal a quick glance at her. “I’m alone.”

“Then friends?” Joel continued, stressing that there had to be something other than making crass decisions to fly herself out to the middle of nowhere. Knowing no one was likely worse than staying in a place where she had someone.  

“I was really focused on work and school. The friends that I did have, they’ve moved on. They have families…” she started to ramble on about her life having Joel’s eyelids growing heavy. Opening up to him was hard because she really never did that with anyone back home. “I have friends, but no one that I’m incredibly close to that would even notice that I’m gone. They are used to me working. And I’m close to some people I work with, but again, not that close.”

“Boyfriend? Husband?” Joel breathed out, desperate to find something to help her realize that life couldn’t be as awful as she thought it was back at home.

“My boyfriend and I recently broke up,” she declared having Joel’s prominent dimple sinking in with his eyes rolling. “He was the lead surgeon at the hospital that I work at.”

“I’m gonna assume that he dumped you,” Joel stammered, his throat tensing up when she stopped walking with him to glare out at him. “Your reaction tells me I’m right. You wouldn’t be running away from your life if you were the one that broke up with him.”

“I’m getting the hint that’s not why you said that,” she frowned, forcing herself to look down and away from Joel. The energy that she originally had in talking to him before was gone. It was obvious that he had offended her. “Am I really that off putting?”

Joel didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet, “My boyfriend was cheating on me with the chief of staff of the hospital. When I found out, he told me it was my fault because I was too busy with my job. Which is funny since he’s the lead surgeon and he worked more than I ever did. He said I wasn’t emotionally available and he…”

“Listen, I don’t know how I gave you the impression that somehow I care about your personal life because I don’t,” Joel started, his southern drawl getting thicker when they came to a stop on the corner of Main Street together. “I’m trying to pretend that I care enough so I can get through this walk with you. I’m only doing this because it’s what my brother wanted. I don’t care about your life. I don’t want to hear about it. Pretty soon, you’re gonna realize that this place isn’t for you and you’re gonna leave to go back to your apartment in the city.”

“Brownstone. I own a brownstone in the city,” she corrected him eliciting an amused rumble from him. Of all the things for her to respond to, she had to remind him that she was richer than he was suggesting.  

“Of course you do,” Joel scoffed, waving his hand about in the air. “You’re pampered Y/N. And you think everyone is supposed to care about you. Why you’re here. But no one does. You’re just an insignificant person in a town of people that are curious as to why you’re here because you don’t fit in. Soon, you’ll go back to New York City and just disappear into the crowd like everyone does in that city. So why don’t you gift me with some silence on our walk so I can actually enjoy it.”

“Wow,” she felt her heart skip a beat, her lips parting after it felt like she got kicked in the gut with what he just said to her. “You really are an asshole. Here I was just thinking it was you having a bad day and it was the alcohol talking. But no. You think just because I have money that I should be happy? Do you even know how I have my money? Why I have the place that I do? How hard I worked to get where I am? Why I took…”

“I’m trying to act like I care, but I don’t,” Joel interrupted her, holding his hand up in the air realizing that she was getting upset. “And you caring that I don’t care doesn’t make sense to me Y/N. I’m just an insignificant asshole who co-owns an inn that you are staying at. I’m a miserable person. Caring what I think proves that you are not in the right state of mind.”

Swallowing down the emotions that she was experiencing after what he had said to her, Joel shook his head and pointed his finger in the distance, “There are two places you can buy clothes on this street. The Nubuck Leather Company, which let’s be honest isn’t gonna do anything for you in this weather. And the other is the Main Street Outfitters. That’s where I think you’re gonna find what you need. It won’t be your style and you will likely snub your nose at it like you’ve done everything else, but at least you’ll be warm.”

Dropping his hand down at his side, Joel shook his head and nodded off in the other direction, “There’s nothing for you here Y/N. You really should just go home and figure things out there. But until then, I have things to do.”

Leaving her on the corner of the street, Joel walked in the opposite direction from where she would be headed to get clothes. Right then and there any positivity that she had been feeling was sucked right out of her from the things that Joel had said to her. It left her feeling like maybe she should have just gone back to the inn, grabbed her things and left. Then again? She knew how people treated her in New York and she wasn’t about to let people chase her away from here as well. She wanted something new for a while and she was going to force herself to try.

Walking down the street, she kept her head down. On the corner was the public library. There was a Main Street Gallery. Another grocery store. And across the street something drew her eyes to the town center. There was an archway made completely of antlers at the entrance of it. This was a weird town, but she was going to prove Joel wrong. She was going to show that she could make it here for a few more days.

Reaching the Main Street Outfitters, she entered the store and immediately felt out of place. Joel wasn’t wrong. She did stand out like a sore thumb. Browsing through the clothing racks, she just grabbed a few random things here and there that would fit her. These weren’t things that she would normally choose to wear, but she had to consider that this wasn’t a normal situation. Unlike Joel, there was a young girl at the store that was eager to help her find things to wear that she thought would look nice on Y/N. And she seemed excited to find out how Y/N got to town. When the girl found out Y/N was a doctor, it opened up a whole lot of discussion for the two of them. It sounded like they were lacking doctors and a good hospital around town.

After she got some things for herself and grabbed another traveling bag to put the clothes in, she took the walk back to the inn. Tommy wasn’t wrong when he told her everything was in walking distance. It really was. This was a very small town and she felt like she could easily walk through it all in a day. It would take longer to learn everything and understand it, but it wouldn’t take a lot out of her to walk it.

Getting back, she changed and then came back downstairs. The lobby was no longer as full as it was previously. Taking a seat on the steps, she knew that she just needed some time to get accustomed to things. Maybe walking around town was for the best.

“Hey there,” someone called out from the registration office getting Y/N to lift her head up. This time it was a woman that was there, her smile bright and welcoming. Stepping out of the room, the woman stepped before Y/N and held her hand out. “My name is Maria. I imagine you are Ms. Y/N. The woman that Tommy told me about.”

“Do I stand out that much?” she wondered, accepting the handshake that Maria was offering her. Maybe she was starting to think that Joel was right with this town.

“Well, all of the people that checked into this hotel did during the day and I already knew their faces. Your face, I don’t know yet,” Maria was honest with her, resting her arm on the handrail of the staircase while she spoke with Y/N.

“I feel better to hear that,” Y/N admitted, hating to think that she stood out that much. “After the way Joel treated me a few minutes ago, I was starting to think that I looked like an alien of some kind.”

“Oh boy,” Maria exhaled loudly, motioning Y/N to follow her. There was a look of disappointment that filled Maria’s face, but it didn’t seem like she was shocked that Joel had offended her. “How about I buy you a coffee and show you around the inn? Unless you already walked around?”

“I have not,” Y/N pulled herself up from the steps knowing that Maria was just trying to be kind in a moment where her brother-in-law wasn’t. Following Maria through the hallways, Y/N couldn’t help but stop to look at the décor while they walked around. “Did Tommy leave?”

“Yeah, he needed to get some sleep,” Maria answered with a weak smile, pointing down the hallway. “So at the end of this hallway, we have the restaurant and the bar that are connected to the hotel. They both draw a lot of people from town to come in. Enjoy a meal, a few drinks. We have bands play here a lot. It’s a lot of fun during some of our busier nights. If you don’t want to leave the inn, this bar is fine. But if you want to go to a nicer bar, I would suggest The Tipsy Bison. Joel and Tommy would swear by it. That’s where we go most nights to hang out. If you’re more into the wild crowd, there is a cowboy joint a few blocks over. It's popular with the tourists, but The Tipsy Bison is more so a local favorite. The cowboy joint pulls out all the bells and whistles. Worth seeing once, but other than that? It’s nothing special. Expensive drinks. Shitty food. You’re just paying for the environment.”

Listening closely, Y/N figured it was smart to learn about places from someone who actually lived there. Motioning Y/N to wait after they entered the restaurant, Maria was quick to head toward the kitchen area. Talking to someone in the doorway, Maria followed them and then came back with two to-go coffee cups for them.

“I hope you don’t mind peppermint mocha,” Maria muttered, handing the coffee that she had grabbed to Y/N who happily accepted. “We’re big on our Christmas flavors out here during this time of the year.”

“Sounds great,” Y/N took a sip of the drink, knowing that she wouldn’t turn it down because it was a nice gesture. Kindness seemed to be something that was very prevalent in both Tommy and Maria. Walking beside Maria, they took the same route back toward the lobby. What she was trying to do was take in all the decorations and information that were on the walls as they walked. Maria picked up on it so they were moving slow enough for her to do so. Part of her was amused by the cowboy sculptures and paintings, but she didn’t want to laugh. There was that chance she would offend Maria who had been nothing but kind to her. Getting another glance at the slot machines she had seen when she first arrived had her interested in learning more about the place. “I take it people are big into gambling out here.”

“Oh yeah. The original owners wanted this to be somewhere people could gamble when it first opened. That’s why you will see a lot of the blackjack memorabilia. We’re trying to keep the history of this inn alive,” Maria educated Y/N about the place she was currently staying at. “Really, there is some interesting stuff to learn if you take a look at everything that hangs on the walls. If you ever get overwhelmed and just want to relax? Down in the fitness area we have a few jacuzzies that you can get in. They are duo sized, but they are nice. And we have a tiny relax pool down there too.”

“Are there any big events that you do for Christmas?” Y/N wondered if there was something that she could actually look forward to in being here since this was a small town.

“You missed the tree lighting, that was in November. But right now? The town does the twelve days of Christmas. At certain locations, people like to do cookie decorating contests. Ice sculptures. Caroling. We have a lot of open mic nights at The Tipsy Bison. If you’re still here on Christmas the town puts together a really nice Christmas dinner that you can enjoy with people from around town. Santa appears at the square every day until Christmas Eve. On Christmas day they have him at the resort coming down on a tram. You can ski with him if you’re into that kind of thing. There is free ice skating. A holiday market that they do a little ways away. It’s a twenty-minute drive or so. They also do horse drawn sleigh rides. Those are cute.”

“So there is something to do here,” Y/N noted that there seemed to be things that she could get involved in while she was staying here. Just by looking at the area? You wouldn’t think there was much someone could look forward to.

“Tommy said you were from New York City?” Maria confirmed with Y/N who gave a simple nod in return. “It’s not like that. So don’t expect something grand and big like they do there. But it’s nice and homey. Like something out of those Christmas movies you’d watch on the television. I do kind of feel like I’m living on the set of a small film every day of my life. There is always something new and interesting happening.”

“I can see why you’d feel that way,” Y/N agreed with what Maria had expressed. When she woke up this morning and looked outside her window it felt like she had either traveled to the past or she was living on a movie set. Now that Maria mentioned Christmas movies on the television, this place did remind her of something that she would have watched on Hallmark or something like that back in the day. Stopping in one of the hallways, Y/N let out an amused sound when they came to another big bear sculpture. Unlike the one outside, this one was inside of a glass case. And it made her smile. “There is so much to see here.”

“I know it can be a little cheesy at first, but it does wear off on you,” Maria promised her, giving a wink when Y/N’s eyes gazed back at her. “Joel is really into the old west. Tommy? Not so much. But since he came here and owns the place? I think it really started to rub off on him.”

“Joel’s the one that likes this cowboy stuff?” Y/N found that bit of information interesting considering Joel was such a grumpy prick. Y/N was surprised that Joel liked anything at all. “I figured he hated everything with his attitude.”

Hearing that had Maria laughing, but she tried to cover it up by slapping her palm over her own mouth. It was hard not to be entertained by Maria’s reaction to her comment.

“Joel is a hard guy to get used to,” Maria frowned as they started moving down another part of the hallways. Even though this was a small place, there were a lot of places to get lost in. There really was so much to see. “Once you start to peel back the layers, you see the good parts of him, but there is more to him than you think there is.”

“Other than a condescending asshole?” she scoffed, her face growing hot when she thought back to their conversation earlier. “He has a good way of making you feel small.”

“He’s just eager to push everyone away,” Maria attempted to explain, but it was hard considering Y/N was a stranger. “If you knew his past, you’d understand it. It’s not right, but you’d understand it.”

“The sad thing is that I thought he was cute when I first saw him. With those big, brown eyes,” Y/N admitted getting a shocked sound to fall from Maria’s lips. Confessing that she was attracted to Maria’s brother-in-law was probably not the smartest of things, but she was opening herself more up to these people. They weren’t people she was going to know for long, so what did it matter? “There was something incredibly charming about his messy hair and the way that he dresses. And then he opened his mouth and ruined everything.”

“The big browns do get you. That’s how I feel for Tommy,” Maria playfully nudged at Y/N’s shoulder showing that she was attempting to bond with Y/N. A loud rumble of a growl came from Y/N’s stomach with her head dropping down to look. “You’re hungry, huh?”

“I guess so,” Y/N frowned, placing her hand in over her stomach. Well, that was embarrassing. “I haven’t eaten much in a few days. I got a few things from the vending machine, but my stomach wants something else clearly.”

“It’s what?” Maria lifted her wrist to look down at her watch for the time. “We’re reaching brunch time. If I were you? I would go across the street to The Pig Pit. It may not sound the most appetizing, but they have great homemade food. Especially breakfast. You can get a lot for cheap. They have some really fun pancakes and waffle dishes around this time of the year. I would go with you, but I already grabbed some breakfast and someone needs to be in charge around here.”

“Thank you again for showing me around,” Y/N stopped to turn and face Maria. There was something about Maria’s smile that was just so inviting. It was contagious really and it made her feel warm on the inside. Maria was someone that she got good vibes from immediately. “You and your husband have been nothing but welcoming to me. I see why the two of you are together. You’re very much alike.”

“Don’t tell him that. We don’t want it to get to his head,” Maria laughed, shaking her head at the comment and folding her arms out in front of her chest. “Don’t be a stranger. Tommy and I love to talk, so if you’re ever looking for a conversation, we’re around.”

“Thank you for that,” Y/N said her goodbyes to Maria and she was grateful for her. At least now she knew that she wasn’t completely alone in this town of strangers. Tommy and Maria had been nothing but hospitable with her. It was a nice feeling that Maria left her with.

Following the instructions that Maria gave her before she took off, Y/N headed over to The Pig Pit like Maria had suggested. Pulling open the door, Y/N felt her heart skip a beat when she entered the restaurant. Almost immediately, everyone that was seated looked back to stare out at her alone. The place was full. That must have meant it was good. But it still made her feel out of place to be there. Taking a look around, she realized it was all mostly wood. That was a popular design that town seemed to have. Rustic, wooden places.

A waitress came to ask her if she was waiting for someone and when she said she was alone the waitress seemed excited, “Thank God for that. We only have a small table left.”

“Are you guys always this busy?” Y/N followed the waitress through the crowd starting to get nervous at how many people’s attention she was drawing. Even though she was dressed like them now, it seemed like they still picked up on the fact that she didn’t fit in.

“Yeah. We get a good crowd in the mornings and afternoons,” the woman explained, leading her toward a table that had a lump growing in Y/N’s throat when she saw it. Sitting at the table behind the one that she was being led to was Joel. Before him on the table was a single cup of coffee and he was reading the newspaper. “So, you’re new to town, huh? Are you here visiting family for the holiday?”

Hearing that question had Joel’s long eyelashes fluttering with his eyes raising. Once he realized that it was Y/N the waitress was asking the question to it seemed to draw out a tiny scoff from him. Reaching for his coffee, Joel took a long sip of it and went back to his newspaper ignoring her.

“I’m just visiting. Not sure how long. But no, I don’t have any family here,” Y/N confessed staring out at the table. There were two options. She could sit directly behind Joel where there was some room for her to sit comfortably. Or she could sit at the other side where a large man was seated behind that area which would have left her with less room. Taking the seat behind Joel had him grumbling under his breath when he scoot in closer to his table.

“Where are you staying?” the waitress questioned, speaking loud enough so that Y/N could hear her through the chatter that was loud in the restaurant. With how busy this place was? It could have been New York City. Everything was always busy in New York. So this felt like home for her. Except. Not.

“The Copper Peak Inn,” Y/N was quick to answer, her face growing hot when the waitress reached out to hit Joel with the pad of paper that she was carrying.

“So this guy and his brother are hosting you, huh?” the waitress stammered, not getting much of a reaction out of Joel. Out of the corner of her eye, Y/N noticed that it made Joel cringe. “That’s a beautiful place to be. You made the right decision.”

Silence fell between the two of them with how awkward things grew, “I tell you what? We’re famous for our hot chocolate here. How about I go get you a classic? On the house. You can look at your menu, get a feel for things while you warm up.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Y/N was shocked to see that people were actually friendly here with her since she was in fact a stranger. The waitress nodded and Y/N knew that she couldn’t deny the hospitality. “That’s really nice of you to offer.”

“Alright honey, I’ll be right back,” the waitress promised, giving another big smile and back stepping away from the table.

“So…” Joel slurred from behind her, turning in his chair slightly so that he could mutter something to her. “Are they all looking at you?”

Turning her head, Y/N noticed that the entire restaurant did continue to steal looks at her from where she was seated. Letting out an anxious sound evoked a deep rumble of a laugh to fall from Joel’s lips. “I thought so.”

“Why are they like that?” Y/N tried to force herself to look down at her menu that she had grabbed swiftly from the side of the table. The last thing she wanted to do was focus on how she was being watched by a bunch of strangers.

“It’s the small-town effect,” Joel grumbled under his breath, turning back in his seat facing away from her. “People can’t help but notice that one thing that is different in town. So they have to gawk. Unfortunately? That just happens to be you.”

“You have a gigantic ski resort not far from here. How are they not used to strangers?” she was curious why she was someone gaining their full attention.

“Because most people that come out here, stay at one of the resorts,” Joel informed her, turning in his chair so that he could look back at her. Doing the same, their eyes locked and he shrugged his shoulders. “The Four Seasons hotel or some shit. They go with their families. They don’t come alone. Anyone who stays in town is usually here for their family. You? You however are alone. It stands out to people like this. You should have seen the way they were when Tommy and I moved to town. People like getting in your business in small towns.”

“In New York people don’t give a shit,” she acknowledged causing Joel to scoff under his breath and reach for his coffee. “I think you could walk through a park alone and people would never realize that you were there.”

“And that’s the kind of life that you prefer?” Joel inquired, his eyebrow arching up in curiosity with a large slurping sound that followed. It almost felt like he was slurping loud purposely to be annoying. “You seem like the kind of person that wants everyone to notice her. So this town is right up your alley.”

“And you seem like the kind of person that wants to be left the fuck alone, so New York might be more up yours,” she threw out, a scowl tugging at her features. After all the negative comments he made about her recently, she was getting sick of it. So instead of taking it, she just gave him back the attitude.

Thinking about what she said had a tiny smirk pulling at Joel’s lips when he lowered the coffee cup down, “Touché.”

They were both turned sideways in their chairs not looking at each other, but still managing to somehow have a conversation, “I prefer it out here. I’ve lived in a big city. I didn’t like it.”

“Did you ever like anything?” she replied back provoking an annoyed sound to fall from his throat. Yet, a small laugh followed afterwards. Shaking his head, Joel’s eyebrows bounced up and he took another sip of his coffee. “I like how anything feels like it’s possible in New York. Everything there appeals to me.”

“Here you are!” the waitress came back with a vintage looking mug. There was a significant amount of whipped cream on top of it, followed by a giant marshmallow and two pieces of chocolate that were sticking out of the whipped cream. Red and green colored sprinkles were shaken over the whipped cream and it made her smile. It was the true definition of homemade and it reminded her of her youth. “Enjoy! Do you have any idea what you want to eat yet hun?”

“I’m still looking. Thank you,” Y/N offered up a bright smile realizing that she had barely taken a look at the menu. With a nod, the waitress went off to check on the rest of the customers in the busy restaurant. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“Well, it’s called The Pig Pit,” Joel reminded her with a snort, pointing toward the logo that was on top of the menu. It was a gawdy logo of a pig with flying wings that made her smirk. “So they are obviously into their pig options. Bacon, ham, sausage…”

“And what do you like?” she inquired, tipping her head to the side to look at Joel who huffed and shrugged his shoulders. “No suggestions?”

“How hungry are you? They have big breakfast plates that have all of their meats with eggs, hashbrowns and toast. If you’re not into that kind of thing, they have all kinds of pancakes and waffles. They also have this really big cinnamon roll that’s probably as big as your head for pretty cheap. It has toffee, cinnamon, pecans…the whole thing,” Joel explained to her and it was the first time she felt like Joel talked to her this long without some kind of insult slung at her. “Then again, I reckon the price of things doesn’t matter much to you.”

“Damn, we were doing well,” she huffed, reaching out to grab one of the pieces of chocolate that were sticking out of her glass. Bringing it up to her lips, she gave it a tiny bite and shook her head. “That was the first time you had put together that long of a sentence without insulting me. And then you had to break it.”

“You consider that an insult?” Joel wondered, a raspy laugh escaping him. “I’m just saying, I think you’d be able to get whatever you wanted and not worry about the price. A hot chocolate like that in New York I’m sure would cost you a hefty amount.”

“There is actually this little Christmas village that they set up every year in Bryant Park. There are a lot of hot chocolate places that go above and beyond. It’s like a work of art really. It’s so pretty you would rather take photos of it instead of drink it and they are often at least ten dollars,” she alerted Joel with a long a sigh, reaching for the hot chocolate to take a long sip of it. There was an incredible richness to the hot chocolate that had been brought to her and it surprised her how flavorful it actually was.

Setting her drink back down, she noticed that Joel was staring out at her with an amused expression, “What?”

Shaking his head, Joel reached for a napkin handing it to her. Pointing at her face had a warmth flooding into her features, “You’ve got some whipped cream all over your face there.”

“God,” she was embarrassed, turning away from him and the crowd. Being quick in the way that she wiped at her face had Joel chuckling.

“I notice you two keep talking,” the waitress approached both Joel and Y/N drawing them to look up at her. “Do the two of you want to share a table? Open one up for us just in case.”

“No,” they both were quick to respond with Joel turning his chair back toward his table. Shrugging her shoulders, the waitress moved to the free seat that was open across from Y/N.

“So? What can I get you?” the woman opened her notepad, prepared to take Y/N’s order.

“Joel said you do a pretty good cinnamon roll. I guess I can go with that?” she responded, not sure of what to order exactly. Truthfully? She still hadn’t looked much at the menu.

“Do you want anything else? I can bring you some eggs, one of the meats and potatoes for not much more added on,” the woman suggested and Y/N didn’t know what to do really. It felt like she was on the spot since she really hadn’t taken a look at the menu. Just nodding her head, she didn’t want to be rude and it seemed to excite the waitress. “Okay then, hun! What would you like for the meat?”

“I don’t know,” she was quick to respond looking around the restaurant in search of what may have looked good. “What would you…”

“She’ll have the bacon,” Joel spoke up for her, his back still turned away from the table while he looked over the newspaper. “And the eggs over medium.”

“I’ll have the bacon I guess and what he said about the eggs,” she repeated what Joel answered, her face flushing over with more color when the waitress gave her a nod and got up from the table.

“You’ll thank me later about the bacon,” Joel commented from behind her again getting her to look back over her shoulder in amusement. Sipping at his coffee, Joel didn’t seem to be too focused on her as he read his paper. “And the eggs are the safest bet. The scrambled are too dry. Sometimes they have shells. Over easy isn’t good enough. Over hard is disgusting. Over medium is perfect.”

“You sure you don’t want to join me at the table? You were pretty much the one that picked out my breakfast,” she reminded him, her hand drawing out against the tabletop. Since Joel had started talking to her she had really forgotten about being the center of the attention of those that were surrounding them.

“I actually came here to get some peace and be left alone,” Joel alerted her with a grunt, not bothering to look back at her this time. “I’d like to get a little of that before I have to go back to the inn. So if you don’t mind.”

“Well excuse me,” she waved her hand about dramatically, letting out a surprised sound when the waitress had come back to her table to sit down across from her. There was a big smile over her face and Y/N didn’t know how to react. People weren’t usually this forward in New York City. “Hi.”

“I’m very curious about you,” the woman explained, pressing her hands out over the center of the table. It was then that Y/N noticed her nails were painted and decorated in a very Christmas way. “Where are you from? What do you do for a living? What brought you to town?”

“Well,” Y/N felt a little overwhelmed with how pressing the woman was being, desperate to get some kind of information from Y/N. It made Y/N wonder if the waitress would then be used by the rest of the town to get the gossip. “I’m from New York City.”

“New York City!” the waitress’s voice grew louder, her eyes getting bigger at her response. With how loud she was speaking, Y/N was pretty sure that the people surrounding them could hear her too. “You came all the way from New York City to out here? How long was that plane ride? I bet it’s beautiful out there during this time of the year. I’ve always seen those videos on the internet about New York City during Christmas. Y’all always seem so ahead with all the things you pull out.”

“The plane ride was about seven hours,” Y/N focused on the question that she was asked, noticing that a few of the people that were close seemed to be listening in. “I am a trauma surgeon at one of the hospitals out there.”

“A doctor!” the woman was just as excited to hear that as she was to hear where Y/N came from. “We don’t have a lot of doctors out here. I mean we do, but no one incredibly impressive. Our hospital is really small. Nothing like I’m sure you’ll find in New York City.”

What could Y/N really say to that? She just nodded and reached for her drink to take a sip of it, “You never said why you were out here? What brought you to Jackson?”

“I uh…” Y/N thought about that answer knowing that Joel had made her feel incredibly stupid about the truth of that. “I wasn’t feeling the best about my life so I had someone drive me to an airport. I had the woman I spoke to at the desk pick for me where I was going. I didn’t know I was coming to Jackson until I was at the gate. I just asked for her to pick a place where I would be leaving soon that was nothing like New York City. And here I ended up. With nothing more than the bag on my shoulder.”

“Well that’s exciting,” the waitress settled into the chair visibly getting comfortable. “Why were you down on your life?”

“Careful, this one will tell you her life story,” Joel scoffed from where he was seated causing a frustrated breath to fall from Y/N’s lips. Something told her though that this waitress might be more eager to hear about her life than Joel was. “You might be there all day.”

“I don’t mind, I love hearing stories,” the woman tried to assure Y/N, but someone in the distance was calling out to the waitress trying to get her attention. It seemed like she may have been the only waitress there at that time so it didn’t make much sense for her to have a conversation with Y/N. “Alright! Alright! Keep your pants on. I’m coming. We should finish this conversation some other time though. I’d love to hear about things.”

There was a sense of sadness that started to eat away at her. Talking about why she was here reminded her all over again how miserable she was back home. There was nothing for someone to be impressed with. And in that moment? She realized that she was truly alone. In the middle of nowhere surrounded by strangers that she had no idea who they were. Why she thought this would be a good idea was beyond her.

Lowering her head, she stroked her fingers along the mug that was before her on the table. Hearing movement behind her, she looked over her shoulder and saw that Joel was standing up. Folding up his newspaper, he put it under his arm and gave her a once over.

“Well, I’m headed out. Did you get all of your shopping done?” Joel wondered, his eyebrows bouncing up when she simply just gave him a small nod. “Good. We don’t need you freezing while you’re staying here. The story of a dead woman coming out to our inn wouldn’t be the best press. Then again, I have no idea how long you plan on staying with us.”

Pushing his chair in, Joel moved forward and realized that she wasn’t saying much in return. What he expected was a returned moment of sass, but he could tell that she looked unhappy, “You enjoy your breakfast. I hope my recommendations don’t let you down.”

And with that? Joel left. What was sad was that he was actually a comfort to Y/N. It took him leaving for her to realize that. He was a familiar face. Now she was surrounded by people that she didn’t really know. Back home, she would usually just pick something up to eat and take it home or sit somewhere like a park. Even if she was alone there, it didn’t feel as strange as it did here.

Pretty quickly her thoughts were brought back down to Earth when the waitress came back with her order. There was an incredible amount of food before her and she had no idea if she would be able to eat it. Joel was right. The cinnamon roll was huge. That alone probably would have been good enough for her breakfast.

“Say,” Y/N called out to the waitress before she could take off again. “Do you have any suggestions about what I can do around this area? Something to keep myself distracted.”

“Well, specifically around here not really. Not until night at least. At nighttime, there is nothing quite like the sky above Jackson. The stars are so clear. It’s calm and quiet. Walking around town with the Christmas decorations is beautiful. Near town square, we have a little area that’s decorated pretty nicely…well nicely for us. The magic really comes to life at night. Unless you’re looking for a resort escape with skiing during the day.”

“I don’t ski,” Y/N whispered, dropping her head down to push her plate slightly forward. “I’m afraid of heights.”

“Well then,” the waitress stepped forward to place her hand in over Y/N’s shoulder to give it a firm squeeze. “I’m sure you’ll find something to keep your interest until tonight.”

Left alone to herself, Y/N took a look around the restaurant and swallowed down hard. Maybe this really was a mistake.

----

Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen

[christinamadsen]

Joel is such a sex god!

[SUMMARY: Joel teaches Marlene’s younger sister about how a man cums.]

Smut smut smut

“What did you mean by…you didn’t pull out? Last night after we-“

“Had sex” he cleared his throat.

“I wonder if he was always this grumpy”

You raised a brow to Ellie as Joel walked off to check the perimeter.

“My guess is yes” she shrugged.

Had you known who your older sister Marlene had sent you off with, you would’ve never agreed. Had it not been for Ellie, you definitely would’ve never gone along.

Your sister knew you developed a closeness with Ellie and asked you to go along with her and Joel to eventually meet at the destination. Never had you met him before but you definitely heard of him.

“You both will be fine with him, he knows what he’s doing” was all Marlene told you privately, yet you still felt some doubt. After all, she was the only one who had met him prior.

Without explaining much Joel led you to what seemed like some kind of a trap. Standing by a gate as it opened you looked ahead curiously.

“Where are we?” Ellie asked.

“A friend’s house” was all he responded with.

Silently following him to the door, you watched as he let himself in and followed.

“Don’t touch anything” he uttered low before he stopped in his tracks to find a letter on a table by the front door. Whatever the letter said, you could see the disappointment linger in him. He swallowed uncomfortably and silently tore the letter into pieces before walking away.

“So what are we doing?” Ellie asked eagerly following behind him.

“We stay here for the night, gather some supplies, fill up the tank and take the car-“

“You’re gonna take their car?” Your question making him turn to you.

“Mhm” he responded flatly and turned away.

He wasn’t one to explain much, you either went along with what he said or you didn’t.

Marlene warned you about this but assured you whatever it was would be for your best.

Once you learned the house was filled with food and water, you each excitedly took a turn taking a shower.

Well, you and Ellie seemed the most excited.

Looking around the house wearing a bath robe you found, you almost didn’t feel like any of this was real.

Grabbing a bottle of wine that was on the table you poured yourself a glass as Ellie watched.

“Might as well” You shrugged when she suddenly raised her brows looking behind you.

“Woah look at you!” You turned to find Joel freshly showered in a button flannel with his wet hair slick back. For just a second he seemed a bit bashful until he laid eyes on you and took a quick glance at what you were wearing and at the glass of wine in your hand.

“Don’t mind me” Ellie’s playful tone making you and Joel look at her as she grabbed the bottle of wine.

“Put it down” Joel ordered.

“Gosh ok, fun killer” she rolled her eyes with a chuckle as Joel stood awkwardly looking back at you before he walked into the living room.

For just a moment you found yourself overcome with a heat you had never really felt before.

An attraction you didn’t expect.

To say Joel looked insanely hot fresh out of a shower, was an understatement.

“Helloooo” Ellie’s voice distracted you from your thoughts.

How long had she been talking?

You looked over to see Joel enter a room and close the door behind him as you turned with Ellie and walked to the opposite side of the house.

“I’m getting tired” Ellie sighed on the couch.

“So go to sleep” you yourself yawned sitting opposite from her. She was quick to fall asleep as you found yourself struggling to find a comfortable position, you refused to sleep on a chair and went off to another bedroom.

It was another long lonely night for Joel, his cock pushing against the tough material of his jeans as he lay back in bed with his hands behind his head.

Thoughts of you crossing his mind.

He tried to fight those thoughts the best he could, but the frustration of not having had a woman in what felt like years was getting harder for him to ignore.

He wasn’t close to Marlene, frankly he didn’t give a shit about her but he made a promise to protect her younger sister, not fantasize about fucking her. His lust for you becoming harder to ignore he gave in and roughly unzhipped his pants far enough where his cock was completely out. Spitting on his hand he began to slowly tug at his cock, staring at the ceiling thinking about what your body must look like beneath that heavy bath robe you wore.

Closing his eyes he let his very vivid imagination take over him when suddenly the sound of the door opening made him jump.

You had walked in and froze at the sight before you.

“The hell you doin?!” He attempted to grab a sheet to cover himself but wrapped so tightly beneath the mattress he failed at pulling it out.

You could’ve sworn Joel went to the other room, did he not?

Obviously he didn’t.

Still, you stood in shock…amazed at the sight of a grown mans erect cock.

Of course, you had seen many in pictures, you weren’t a virgin but…you did only have sex once. It was months ago and for you it didn’t count, you couldn’t even tell when it ended, the man didn’t care to pleasure you nor show you anything. All you knew was that a man would thrust into a woman’s cunt until he came, whatever that meant..

Closing the door behind you not taking your eyes off of what was before you, you walked towards him.

“What are you doin’? Get out of here-“ he pushed himself half way up struggling to cover his erection with his hand.

You could feel the sensation of flutters between your thighs, your cunt pulsating to feel something.

To feel him.

He watched your hands take hold of your robe and he knew what you were about to do.

“No-“ he faintly shook his head looking directly at you as you let the bath robe fall to the ground.

“Jesus….honey, please...” he whispered focusing on every part of your body, better than what he could imagine

Looking down at him, it was as if he couldn’t move. He seemed in a trance focused on your plump breasts before you slowly pushed him completely back onto the bed. Pressing his lips together he breathed deeply watching as your fingers swirled downward around the buttons on his shirt before stopping at his erect cock. His eyes darting between you and his cock wondering what you would do until you took hold of his thick length in your hands.

“Honey-“ he panted just as you felt him place his hand on the back of your thigh. You knew what you wanted to do next and without saying a word you took him fully into your mouth. His body instantly tensing at the feel of your warm mouth, your head bobbing in a rhythm until you felt yourself about to gag.

All you could hear was noises coming from him that you couldn’t make out.

Isn’t this what your friend said men loved?

Pushing yourself to continue, you had no idea how focused he was watching you. His jaw tense as you felt his hand creep up your back until he stopped on the back of your neck.

He was hesitant to hold your mouth on him but you felt him slightly squeeze you, a part of him somehow still trying to resist something he knew he couldn’t. Coming up for air you gagged as he said something incoherently through heavy breaths. Your jaw slightly sore as you struggled to catch your breath.

His chest falling and rising deeply, he watched as you began to unbutton his shirt one by one. His cock jerking wanting to feel your lips once more, wanting to feel you. You had no idea just how weak your touch made him, how long he had yearned for the feel of a woman.

Never had you been on top during sex but you remember your friends talking about it and even sharing pictures they had found from magazines. You remembered one photo specifically, the way the woman straddled the man and something in you pushed you to try it. Joel had no idea how inexperienced you truly were as you climbed over him and balanced yourself guiding him to your entrance. He could feel the heat of your wet cunt hovering over him and as you lowered yourself you were met by the unexpected girth of his cock.

“I don’t know how long I can go baby”

He tried to warn you but you not knowing exactly what he meant and listening to your own urges simply nodded. His hands on your hips he helped guide you taking him completely in, your lips open in shock as you balanced yourself on his chest. You noticed his jaw tense, a crease between his brows deepening feeling how you tightly wrapped around him.

Without saying a word, you did just as the magazine showed and began to ride him slowly. His fingers imprinting into your skin as he looked down watched himself disappear in you. His cock glistening from your juices building up around him, Joel had completely lost himself in the pleasure.

Was this the way sex was suppose to feel like?

A moan that even surprised you left your lips much louder than you meant to making Joel quickly look up at you.

“Tell me how it feels” he demanded watching your expressions change with each stroke.

Yet you almost couldn’t speak.

“Tell me-“ he spoke through clenched teeth. He needed to hear it.

“You feel so..good” you panted.

“Oh baby” he squeezed your hips thrusting upward until he felt an intensity he hadn’t felt in forever taking over him.

“Fuck-“ his body tensed, he almost looked as if he was in pain.

“Joel?” You whispered confused.

“Get off-“ he barely could speak clearly.

“What?” You gasped as his grip on you tightened, he threw his neck back squeezing his eyes shut letting out the loudest deepest groan you’ve ever heard a man make. Lifting both your bodies off the bed Joel in that moment felt every inch of his body over come in ecstasy; as if the world had stopped around him.

“Fuck-“ he breathed his eyes still closed. Looking down at him cluelessly, your hands on his chest, you didn’t know what to say.

“Did I..did I hurt you?” You whispered.

His eyes slowing opening, still in daze, his lips parted attempting to speak but before he could a knock startled you both.

“Joel? Are you okay?”

It was Ellie, his moan waking her up out of her deep sleep of course.

“Yes!” He choked out.

“Bad dream!” Was all he could say.

“Oh uh, okay” Ellie walked off back to the couch and closed her eyes again.

Still struggling to catch his breath, Joel looked up at you a bit confused himself. Why on earth would you think you hurt him? Here you still sat on him, feeling him throb inside you.

“You mind, honey?” He asked making you jump.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry-“ you quickly got off him taking a few steps back.

Joel knew he fucked up, he knew he shouldn’t have fucked you, let alone cum in you.

But god dammit you felt so good.

“Are you okay?” You whispered.

With a frustrated glare at your question he pushed himself up. Not saying a word he cleaned himself off and buttoned his pants back up.

“Why do you keep askin’ me that?” He stood up buttoning his shirt.

“Because….it looked like I hurt you…you were in pain” Joel furrowed his brows puzzled with your words.

“Pain? I beg your pardon”

“So I didn’t hurt you?” Each time you spoke it only left Joel more confused. It was as if you knew nothing about sex and how it worked.

“If it wasn’t for the way you rode me, I would’ve thought you were a damn virgin with the way you’re talkin’” he noticed you stood silent and his expression changed.

“Shit…don’t tell me you’re a-“

“I’m not” you quickly intervened as you put on your robe.

“I mean…I only had sex once but-“

Joel took a deep breath brushing his hand over his lips. You really didn’t know what the fuck just happened.

“I don’t know…some things…” you spoke hesitantly. Joel looked down at you still out of breath, his hands on his hips not exactly sure how to go about this.

“What do you know?” You could hear the frustration in his voice.

“You’re mad-“

“I ain’t…mad” he noticed his tone and spoke calmer.

“Tell me, whaddyah know?”

“I mean, I know how sex works…I know um…-“

“How’d ya know how to get on top of me?”

He blurt out.

“Some friends I had, had shown me some magazines and-“

“Did you read what those magazines said?”

“Not really…” you whispered. Taking a deep breath he looked down realizing he somehow got stuck in explaining to you exactly what sex was, explaining to you what he had just done.

“Well…as for me being in pain-“ he cleared his throat awkwardly. Quite frankly you had taken him out of his misery.

“You just…you made me cum” you looked at him blankly still unsure what that meant.

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yes-no…yes” Joel himself looked flustered.

“So why did you look like I hurt you?”

“I just hadn’t felt that in a long time, it was…a lot”

“I felt you…you were throbbing when you-“

“Alright that’s enough” he turned away.

“Why are you acting like this is a bad thing?” You walked towards him as he stopped in his tracks.

“It shouldn’t have happened” he turned back to you rather serious.

“But it felt good… What’s the problem?” The more you spoke the more frustrated he became.

“What are you afraid of, my sister Marlene?-“

“I ain’t afraid of your sister” he cut you off coldly.

“So then-“

“God dammit, I came in you!” He yelled louder than he meant to as you looked up at him confused. Grabbing your arms as he looked back at the door making sure Ellie hadn’t heard, he pulled you close to him.

“I didn’t pull out” he spoke low.

“You could get pregnant-“

“Pregnant?” Joel had no idea how naive you were, the innocent fear in your eyes making him feel a wave of guilt.

“I-…I can’t get pregnant” you shook your head.

“That can’t happen, Joel. I…I can’t…my sister would kill me-“

“Your sister should’ve informed you better, didn’t you get schooled?”

“Marlene rather I had focused on training instead of school work. I mean, I knew…I knew sex could lead to pregnancy I just didn’t know how and-oh my god” he could see the panic in you rise.

“I should get out of here” you ran out the door before Joel could even stop you. Your mind running a mile a minute, everything made sense now. You heard about women around you speak about their menstrual cycle, some mentioning being late…

Women still did fall pregnant regardless of what was going on, you just didn’t think it would happen to you.

The next day you met Joel and Ellie in the living room gathering supplies. Joel took a double look at you as you entered the room, your presence easily distracting him.

“Morning” you whispered to both.

“What have you guys found?” You asked looking down at the table.

“Everything and more” Ellie grinned.

“He’s even letting me have my own gun”

You quickly looked at Joel who shook his head.

“Aw come on, could’ve pulled a prank on her with me” Joel remained serious, focused on all he was taking.

“I’m gonna go check out the car, see what stuff they have in the garage” Ellie walked off leaving you two alone for the first time since last night.

“You alright?” He asked without looking up.

“Mhm”

“Look, I’m sorry I freaked you out last night. It’s something you should’ve known, it ain’t your fault” his eyes eventually met yours making your heart skip a beat.

“I just want you to know that if…if that ends up happening…we’ll deal with it together…somehow. Alright?” You felt some kind of relief although you had no idea how any of it would even play out.

“Ok” you whispered.

“Can I ask you something?” You continued, Joel nodded.

“What did you mean by…you didn’t pull out? Last night after we-“

“Had sex” he cleared his throat.

Adjusting himself in his chair, his feet’s widely apart from each other he sighed.

“Um, usually…I mean-“ he raised his brows unsure of how to explain what you asked.

“Usually men wear a condom to prevent a pregnancy.”

“A condom?” You raised a brow.

“Mhm. Somethin’ a man puts on but I wasn’t wearing one and the next resort is to pull out before…before cummin’”

“Why didn’t you? Did you know you were gonna cum before you did?” Joel rubbed the back of his neck, droplets of sweats building up on his forehead.

“Uh…yes-“

“So why didn’t you pull out?” You whispered.

“I couldn’t.” He looked up at you biting his bottom lip.

“Why not?”

“Because I couldn’t god dammit, it felt too good and I couldn’t get you off in time and it’s my damn fault and I apologize, alright? Enough with the damn questions.” Joel left you speechless, what could you possibly say to that?

Joel went back to going through things he had found, he seemed to be in the middle of working on screwing something back on as you watched. Putting full force into twisting something he made a similar sound to the night before. A groan that caught your attention. He noticed with the corner of his eye the way you looked at him and instantly stopped what he was doing.

“What is it?”

“Uh…nothing”

Joel looked back down continuing what he was doing until he did it again. Instantly flooding your mind with thoughts from last night.

“Can you stop doing that?” Your sudden tone made him look up.

“Stop what?”

“That sound…that damn sound you make”

He furrowed his brows putting down what he had in his hand, his eyes still on you.

“I beg your pardon”

“It just….it sounds like when…”

“Like?”

“Like when…when you came” you blurt out.

Joel stood silent in that moment struggling to fight back thoughts he was having. Curiosity eating up at him as you stood innocently in front of him, he couldn’t help himself but wonder...

“A man ever make you cum?”

“What?” You responded almost embarrassed.

“Me?”

“Yes you”

You shook your head silently.

Joel looked over his shoulder making sure Ellie was no where near before he made his way to you. Cornering you against the wall you looked up at him confused.

“What are you doing?”

“You know, darlin’? You talk an awful lot sometimes” he pulled you by your belt unbuckling it.

“Joel-“ he unbuttoned your pants.

“Wait-“

“I thought you said we shouldn’t have done what we did last night” you whispered.

In his mind Joel was battling what was right, what was wrong…what he wanted and he couldn’t stop himself.

“I just think it’s fair I make you feel how you made me feel…at least once” his voice was tempting, his eyes making you melt. Slowly you nodded and allowed him to stick his hand in your pants. His foot making you part your legs, sliding one foot farther away from the other. Joel moved slowly, first allowing his fingers to feel you over the soft fabric of your underwear. Somehow just a simple touch sent shivers down your spine, his tongue sliding over his bottom lip as he felt your pussy lips agonist his fingers. He watched your eyes almost roll back, you felt yourself aroused by his touch. Slowly he pushed your underwear aside, letting his fingers pry apart your lips to instantly feel you were already wet.

“Oh honey..” he whispered as he pushed you against the wall with his body. You felt his finger begin to do something you’ve never felt, he began to move it in a circular motion right on your clit. Tingling sensations shooting up your abdomen, your breathing became harder to control. He watched as the pleasure built up inside you, your body sinking into his as you let out a soft whimper. Joel took your arm and placed it over his shoulder, allowing you to hold on to him as he moved his finger faster.

That’s when you noticed he was hard ready to burst out of his pants. Reaching to his crotch area he caught your arm before you could touch him.

“Mm mm, I’m workin’ on you right now, honey”

You could feel the pleasure begin to grow as if something would burst inside you. Your legs quivering you moaned as a pressure you had never felt increased.

“Oh my god” you dug your nails into the back of his neck making him move faster, his other arm holding you up around your waist as you struggled to stay balanced.

“Don’t fight it, baby, let it go” he demanded in a rough whisper. You couldn’t stop it if you tried, an overpowering rush of pleasure consumed you making you cry out like you never had. Joel’s eyes filled with instant fulfillment watching as the intensity took over you.

“Good girl” his hand caressed your neck, his forehead on yours, you panted as your pussy throbbed against his fingers. You couldn’t speak as he carried you onto a table against the wall.

He wasn’t done with you just yet.

He pulled your pants completely off and unzipped his as you still sat in a trance coming back from cloud nine. Placing himself between your legs, he watched your eyes widen as you slid himself in you. Holding your body up against him Joel fucked you as if he had something to make up for, as if you both were running out of time together. Grabbing onto him for dear life you moaned with each deep thrust, you never knew something could feel so good. His hands dug into your hair, pulling your neck back forcing you to look up at him. That’s when he kissed you, his tongue danced around yours as he moved his hips slowly. Muffling your moans he made sure every inch of him left you wanting more. Parting his lips from yours he didn’t take his eyes off you, his pace growing fast once more, your eyes rolling back.

“Oh god, it’s happening..again”

“Mhm” he thrusted harder, tugging at your hair with more force until he felt you tighten around him and your body jerked against his. Your moans making him reach his climax before he quickly pulled out and came on your thigh.

You panted looking down as he jerked himself off and watched his cum pour out of him. A deep breath of relief he closed his eyes before you heard the garage door close.

“Oh shit, she’s coming-“ you whispered as you both jumped to fix yourselves back to normal as fast as you could when she appeared at the door. Your back to Joel as you struggled to catch your breath, you pretended to be looking through a random book laying around as Joel continued packing.

“What’s wrong with you, Joel?” Ellie asked curiously noticing how out of breath he was.

“Huh? nothin’”

“Why are you so sweaty?”

“Cause I’m the only one putting every damn together, here-“ he threw her a small bag.

“Why don’t ya take that to the car, I’ll be right there” Ellie silently grabbed the bag, shrugged and walked out.

“Think she noticed?” Joel spoke looking over his shoulder before turning back to you realizing you didn’t respond, only to see you struggling to keep your balance by the wall.

“What’s wrong?” He quickly stood up walking towards you.

“I um-“ your voice trembled.

“My legs can’t stop shaking” you whispered. Joel couldn’t help but smirk.

“Are you gonna laugh at me? I can’t help it”

“ I ain’t laughing at cha”

“Sure seems like it”

“You have my word, I really ain’t. But now you know how you left me last night, guess we’re even.” Joel turned away with a chuckle as he grabbed another bag and walked to the car.

Tags:

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[christinamadsen]

Riduur in Training {Mando x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 14.3k

Warnings: Sexual training/grooming, mentions of creeds and honor, cults, playing fast and loose with Mandalorian traditions, removing helmets, forced weddings, nudity, masturbation, oral sex (male and female receiving), loss of virginity, fingering, vaginal sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, humiliation, dishonor, pregnancy

Comments: You arrive with the Armorer to take your place as Din Djarin's riduur, one that he had no warning of. Trained to be the spouse of the next leader of the covert - you will be dar'manda if he rejects you. And Din is horrified to learn that you have been trained for his pleasure.

A/N: We leaned into the cult-like mindset for this fic. Beware.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || The Mandalorian MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“It is your duty to wed Din Djarin.” You have heard these words for weeks now, nerves settling in your belly even though nothing of your anxiety is reflected in the dark visor of the beskar helmet covering your face. You swallow as the ship bringing you to Nevarro starts its descent into the atmosphere and you hear the comm tower direct the Armorer to a docking bay near the town, but she ignores that and turns to the north of the city. Making you chew your lip as the lava flats pass underneath and you see the rockiness of the desert starts to appear. This will be your home, where you will make your family. With Din Djarin, as his riduur, only he doesn’t know it yet. 

Another day in Nevarro and Din is settling down to clean his weapons when there’s a knock at his door. Grogu is at school and he is immediately on edge. Working fast to put his blaster together, he stands up and slowly makes his way to the door, pressing the button to open it just as he aims the weapon. “Din Djarin.” The Armorer greets him and he lowers his blaster but keeps it in his hand. His eyes flick beneath the visor between the Armorer and the mysterious Mandalorian beside her. “Can I help you?” He asks, a little perturbed at being disturbed in his solitude.

The mandalorian in front of you does not seem to be expecting you. Your stomach bottoms out and the Armorer speaks again. “We have some business with you.” She doesn’t wait for an invitation, stepping inside the house and you reluctantly follow. You’ve heard of him, seen him from afar but his beskar is impressive upclose. Taller and broader than you imagined, you feel your cunt clench as you imagine this warrior bedding you. He steps back and you look around the little house that he has been living in since the retaking of Mandalore. It’s suitable, but you can tell that he’s not frivolous or used to creature comforts. You can change that for him. 

Din is tense, his shoulders back and his legs spread evenly in case this is some kind of trap. He trusts the Armorer to an extent but his upbringing means he doesn’t trust anyone, not even himself. “The business?” He asks, not offering a refreshment like his fellow Nevarrians would. He is a Mandalorian through and through.

“It is time that you take a riduur.” The Armorer tells Din with a hint of irony in her clear voice. You can tell that he’s shocked by the way he rears back and you know that he had no clue what the covert and Mandalore had planned for him. “I have brought you the woman you will enter a riduurok with, create warriors. She is fertile.” 

Din can’t help it. He lets out a shocked chuckle and he shakes his helmet, “I do not want a riduur. I have said this many times.” 

Your helmet tilts towards the Armorer who shakes her head, “you have avoided the responsibility long enough. As a Mandalorian, it is your duty, your creed, to protect the covert and that includes breeding to add to our numbers. This one is made for you. She will do as you say. You simply have to breed her after your riduurok.” 

Din’s fingers flex against the side of his blaster, “I am not ready.”

Still, you don’t speak, even though your head turns towards the Armorer when you are so obviously being rejected by the man you have been raised to marry. “You are ready.” She insists, motioning towards the other rooms where the child that Din has taken under his wing is obviously napping. “Your young charge would do well with having brothers and sisters to help him.”

Din sees you step forward and he shakes his head, “she’s not staying. I do not want a riduur. You need to take her back to the covert.” He demands and shakes his head. “I am not suitable for a riduur. I never will be.”

“If you do not take her as your riduur, you will be dar’manda once more.” She insists. “Part of your creed was to the covert and the covert requires this of you. Mandalore requires this.” The Armorer tells him and you feel ashamed that you are obviously lacking whatever quality that Din requires in a riduur. 

“I will be a good riduur.” You tell him. “Trained vigorously for one day giving life to the next generation of Mandalorians.”

Din recoils, not wanting a bride who hand picked for him, reared for him. It is a practice he knew of back when the Mandalorian fled Mandalore and had to recoup their numbers. He doesn’t want to be dar’manda again. He had to find the waters to redeem himself before and it’s not a journey he wishes to repeat. He swallows harshly and takes a moment, “fine. Join us now.” He demands, wanting to get this over with.

The Armorer nods in approval but you almost wish to protest. He does not seem happy. However, you do not say a word, being trained that this is your fulfillment of the Creed. Your duty to Mandalore is to marry Din and have his ad. Your gloved hand reaches out to join with his, only to be ignored by the bounty hunter. You drop your hand, happy that you have not removed your helmet yet due to your embarrassment. “Repeat your vows.” The Armorer insists, turning her head towards you to start. 

Taking a deep breath, you begin to speak. “Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.” You recite softly, hoping that Din just needs some time to adjust to the idea of a riduur.

Din inhales deeply as you recite your vows and he isn’t sure what he could say to prevent this. All he can do is take you as his riduur, offer you shelter and make sure you’re well kept. He won’t touch you to consummate the riduurok. He sighs and looks at you. Wondering what you look like beneath the helmet. “Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.” He repeats, back stiff.

Once the vows are repeated, you reach for the locks on your helmet. The Armorer had warned you that Din was also a part of her sect, he did not remove his helmet as you might, in front of others. You only hope that he might remove it once she leaves and you are alone. Slowly slipping the Beskar off your head, you look up into the visor of your now riduur. “Hello, Din.” You greet him softly with your name, since that hadn’t even been exchanged.

His eyes widen under the helmet. You’re gorgeous. He is taken back by your beautiful face and it is a few moments until he recovers. “Hello.” He says your name but doesn’t take off his helmet. “Is that all?” He turns to look at the armorer.

“I will leave you to become better acquainted.” The armorer seems pleased as she clasps her hands together. “She has never had a man, so take care her first time.” 

You bite your lip, embarrassed that she would be so casual with that information, although he is now your riduur. “Thank you for bringing me here, safe journey back to Mandalore.” 

The Armorer nods. “This is the way.” You repeat the phrase and soon she has disappeared out of the house to leave you alone with Din.

Din sighs as he makes his way back to the table, disassembling his blaster so he can continue with the work he was doing before he was interrupted. “If you have things…you can take the spare room.” He jerks his helmet towards the door across the cabin, opposite of his room and Grogu’s. He doesn’t plan to consummate the riduurok. He plans to leave you untouched. He did as the Armorer asked and he has fulfilled the requirement of his creed.

Tilting your head, you stare at the Mandalorian that both the Armorer and Bo-Katan have talked about with pride. He is uninterested in you. “Do you wish that I had a cock instead of a cunt?” You ask bluntly, wondering if he preferred male companionship. “I know that we must have sex to breed and if you prefer, you can take me from behind.” You offer. “I can use my mouth to arouse you?”

Din snorts, he can’t help it. “No. I don’t wish you had a cock. I don’t wish - I do not wish to take you without us - I don’t know. We don’t know each other and now you’re my riduur. I am not consummating this riduurok. You are welcome to live here but I will not touch you.” He says with finality.

You stare at him in shock. “But we have to.” You insist. “Part of our vows are to create warriors.” You are panicking slightly since this is what you’ve been trained to do. Be a Mandalorian spouse and to bear his children. “We cannot have warriors if you don’t fuck me.”

“I do not desire warriors. I have a foundling. I don’t want ads.” He tells you and you appear gobsmacked. “I’m sorry, riduur. I did not ask for this. I was perfectly happy on my own in my cabin here. The Armorer wishes for more than I can give.” He says, grabbing the cloths to start cleaning his blaster.

It’s clear when he doesn’t speak again and refuses to look your way that he is ignoring you. Speechless, you turn and walk towards the door that he had motioned to. The spare room where you were supposed to sleep. Your pack with all your belongings was still on your shoulder and you felt like giving him some time might be best.

Din diligently cleans his weapons, taking more time than necessary to do so. He sighs when he hears the door open and he looks up after putting his last blaster together to find you standing before him. “Why- dank ferrik what are you- why are you naked?” He demands to know, turning his helmet to avoid looking at you to give you some dignity.

You are used to your own nudity, spending hours naked in the covert while other Mandalorians barely undress for their showers, or don’t undress at all if they use a sonic shower. “So you can breed me.” You answer, moving closer to him. “I wish for you to breed your warrior into my belly. I can provide great satisfaction and pleasure to you.”

Din recoils, confused by your desire for him to get you pregnant, for you to pleasure him. “Riduur. Why…you act like you’ve been raised for this?” He offhandedly comments. “I don’t want to fuck you, to breed you. Please. Get dressed.” He pleads, unable to look at you.

“This is my purpose.” You are so confused and distressed by his attitude. Has he not been taught that for breeders to keep to the Creed, they must exhaust all efforts to bear warriors? “I have no wish to be dar’manda.” You shake your head. “I will learn however you wish to receive pleasure and make sure that you are satisfied every time.”

Din can’t believe what he’s hearing. “I don’t - that isn’t what you are here for. Your creed…it’s not to be my baby machine, riduur. I will not breed you. You will not pleasure me. I will not touch you. Please get dressed.” He says coldly, deciding that acting like he’s indifferent to you would make you do what he says.

You start shaking, terrified of breaking your creed and you can’t help the tears that start falling. “I’ve - I’m going to be- I can’t- I’ve failed.” You sob, turning around and rushing back into the room that you had undressed in. The Armorer had assured you that Din would breed you and now you are being rejected.

Din sighs, closing his eyes beneath the helmet, and he knows he has hurt you but he cannot breed. His life has only just settled and he has the kid. He doesn’t need another one, or several, distracting him from doing what is needed to keep Grogu safe and healthy. That’s his creed. He hears you sobbing and decides to give you some space, heading out to pick the kid up.

It takes you some time to stop crying, but you know that you cannot force a warrior like Din Djarin to bend to your will just because of your creed. He must want this as much as you do, so you set about to make sure that he understands how you will improve his life. Your armor laid aside, you do not need to wear it inside your home with your riduur and you put on some of the outfits you had worn while you were in training for comfort. Leaving your room and making your way to the small galley style kitchen to fix him and his foundling a proper meal to enjoy when they return. 

When Din returns home with Grogu, the kid coos in surprise at the smell, always hungry, and Din can’t deny that his own stomach rumbles as the scent wafts through his filter. He opens the door and finds you in the small kitchen, wearing tight pants that cling to your ass and he muffles his groan. Din has always been an ass man when he picks his holos and Maker, yours is gorgeous. He can’t let you know that. “This, uh, this is Grogu. My foundling.” He introduces you to Grogu who tilts his head and offers you a smile.

“Hello, Grogu.” You tell the child your name and smile in delight when he waves his arms for you to pick him up. “I hope you are hungry.” Din scoffs. “The kid is always hungry.”

Din watches as you pick up the child and his back straightens a little defensively as you hold the kid he’s fought so hard and sacrificed so much to protect. You notice but don’t say anything as Din watches you. Grogu lifts his hand to your cheek, cooing, and Din watches the awestruck look on your face and he can’t help but think about how pretty you look.

The kid has some powers, the Armorer had warned you about it. The kid was a Jedi. But you didn’t realize he could show you things. You see Din, saving him, protecting him.

Din wonders what Grogu is showing you but your awed face makes his stomach twist and he sighs, “come on kid. Let’s sit you down for dinner.” He says and takes the child from you to put him in the high chair so he can have his food. He won’t eat in front of you. Even if you are his riduur.

“You are allowed to take off your helmet in front of me to eat.” You remind him softly, fixing Grogu a plate and then one for Din. “But I can go into the bedroom if you wish to have some privacy.” He might eat in front of the child but you want to show him that you can bend to some of his ways like a good riduur should. Perhaps it will help him become more comfortable about the situation.

Din shakes his head, “I will eat after. Sit. Enjoy the meal you cooked.” He orders and you set the plate down in front of Grogu. He doesn’t want you to miss out on enjoying the meal you spent time cooking.

You feel bad, knowing the food is better when it’s hot, but you listen to him. Using the plate you had fixed for him and sitting down at the small table. “I will be quick.” You promise.

Din doesn’t argue, he sits down and watches you and Grogu eat. It’s unusual, having another Mandalorian around him, but you don’t seem to have the edge that most Mandos have. You are softer, less hardened by war and survival. “You have known the Armorer for a while?” He asks, wondering how long this has been planned.

Nodding, you look up at his visor and then back down to your plate. “I was a foundling, like you.” You explain. “But I was raised by a sect that removed their helmets. When I was of age, I was sent to your Armorer for training.”

Din frowns under his helmet, watching you eat. It's strange to see someone eating in front of him that isn't the kid. He never sits down to eat with others. "Training? For - for battle?" He asks, glad you can't see the confusion on his face.

“No.” You shake your head. “I was training to be a proper riduur to a leader.” You tell him quietly. “To be able to pleasure you and stand by your side as you guide our people into the light.”

Din is half glad you can’t see the horrified look on his face beneath the helmet. “You mean you…you’ve been trained to be mine?” He asks, “or for - for a leader in general. I’m not - I gave up being Mandalor. I don’t understand why you’re mine. If you’re mine.”

“Yours.” You clarify. “The Armorer had chosen me for you when you were still bounty hunting for the covert here on Nevarro. Actually….” You wipe your mouth and set down the napkin. “I was supposed to be joined with you three years ago. Before the covert fell.”

To say he’s shocked is an understatement. Din inhales sharply at the news and he doesn’t know how to react, grateful once more that you can’t see his face. You’re meant for him. You’ve been trained to be his. “Why me? Why- why not give you to another Mando?” He asks, confused now he’s no longer the Mandalor.

“I don’t know.” You shrug slightly. “The armorer made her decision and that was enough for me.” You know that the armorer would not give you to someone who wasn’t worthy. You were trained to be a good riduur, you cannot be a good riduur to a bad one. “Do you wish that I had been given to another Mandalorian?” You ask, looking up at him under your lashes. His broad frame nearly overwhelms you as you sit while he stands and you wish you could show him some of the pleasure you can provide.

He doesn’t know how to react. Any way he reacts will hurt you or him and he doesn’t want to do that to you. You deserve more than him placating you. He sighs and shakes his helmet, “I never asked for a riduur. I never asked for you.” He confesses, “I don’t know how to feel. We are bound now so I will do my best by you. You will stay here. Fed and clothed and you’ll have whatever you want but I cannot give you me. I’m- I can’t do that when you are only performing a duty.”

You frown, unhappy with his answer. You gesture to the child who is smearing his food over his face. “You do your duty towards your foundling, do you not?” You ask softly, standing up. “You did not love him when you first found him, yet you would seemingly break your creed to save him.” Din stiffens and you quickly shake your head. “He did not show me your face. He keeps that for himself.” You assure him, knowing that it would upset him to know you know what he looks like, even if you are his riduur. “Your fondness for the child grew.” You collect your plate and sigh. “I hope that can be the same for us.”

Din decides to not continue talking with you. He sighs and watches you as you clean the dishes. Grogu coos and tilts his head at him and he raises his eyebrows at the kid despite him not knowing his facial expression. “Don’t.” He murmurs before he looks over at you. “I have a duty to you but that duty does not include taking sexual pleasure from you without cause.”

“Cause?” You snort and set the plate of Din’s food on the table after you finish cleaning up. “I didn’t think there needed to be a cause beyond wanting to give and receive pleasure.” You hum, moving over to the child and picking up the foundling. “Eat your meal, Din Djarin. I will make sure that Grogu is cleaned up.”

He doesn’t say anything else as you leave the room and he is tense when Grogu looks back at him but he doesn’t comment, wanting you to feel like he trusts in your riduurok even though he hasn’t trusted anyone for a long time until he met the kid. He listens for several moments as you take Grogu into his room until he decides to unlatch his helmet and he sets it down on the table. He scratches his cheek and picks up the fork, digging into the meal you made. He groans softly at the taste. Maker, you’re a good cook.

Cleaning up the kid, it’s cute how easily he settles into your arms. “This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I was tasked with raising warriors.” You murmur to yourself and to the heavy eyed little one. “But I hope that I help, rather than be a burden. Your dad doesn’t want me here.”

Din finishes his meal and washes up his plate, setting it on the side to dry. He secures his helmet just as you knock on the hallway to come back into the kitchen. “I’m covered.” He declares and you walk in. “The kid asleep?” He asks and you nod, sitting down on the chair opposite him. “The meal was good. Thank you for cooking. I don’t remember the last time I had a meal cooked like that.” He confesses, “maybe my mother.” He winces at the unlocked memory.

“I’m glad you liked it.” You tilt your head, watching his body language and realize he must not like to talk about his past. “If you don’t mind, I will take over cooking.”

Din chuckles, “I won’t argue that, cyar’ika.” He promises and clears his throat as he watches you. You are beautiful. In and out of beskar. He wouldn’t tell you that though. You’re here because of the Armorer and he needs to remember that.

“Well….I have a feeling you won’t be comfortable removing your armor if I am awake, and you probably need some time out of it.” You are guessing he’s like a lot of the Mandalorians from the Nevarro covert. “Let your skin breath.” With that, you stand and give him a small smile. “Good night, riduur.”

“Good night.” He murmurs, watching you go and when the door to your room closes, he sighs and rubs his helmet. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s bound to you now but to know that you’ve been bred for him makes him anxious and uncomfortable. He’s never been “in love” or anything close to it. Never allowed himself to get close to anyone. Emotionally or physically. He has seen holovids of sex but he is painfully inexperienced in that department. He has paid for oral, has had a few women he’s fingered behind a cantina, but he’s never experienced penetration.

In your room, you strip down naked, comfortable with your form and lay down. The fullness of Din’s shoulders and his trim waist has you dripping and it should be a sin for his voice to be so sexy through the vocoder of his helmet. Raspy and shooting straight through you. Your fingers slide down your stomach and you moan quietly, imagining that they are his fingers, even with the gloves on. They slide down, circling your mound before delving into your slit and whimpering quietly when you rub your clit.

Din swallows harshly, walking into his room to strip out of his beskar, and he is annoyed with himself that he’s half hard at the thought of you in the other room. You’re beautiful and he hasn’t been around a woman this much since Omera and he isn’t sure if what he felt was attraction to her or protective. He sits down on the edge of his bed, torn until he grips his now hard cock in his hand.

“Oh Maker.” You moan softly, slowly rubbing your bundle of nerves and letting your legs spread apart as you massage your breast. “Fuck.” You hiss, feeling your nipple harden and you slide your fingers down to dip into your slick cunt. Imagining what Din would look like under his armor.

Din grunts as he fists his cock, now hard and aching. It’s been so long since he touched himself, too preoccupied with the events that happened before he settled on Nevarro. He imagines your lips wrapping around his cock. It’s so wrong but you’re beautiful and meant for him. It’s hard to stay away. He will but for tonight, he will indulge in the thought of having you.

With your hand between your thighs, you imagine all the ways you would pleasure your riduur. All the ways you could learn to share pleasure. You’ve never taken a man before but you are well acquainted with a cock, wondering how impressive he is beneath the flight suit he wears. “Din.” You moan softly, enjoying the way his name rolls off your lips.

His hand pauses and he thinks he heard his name. He shakes his head, knowing he's imagining things, and he continues pumping his cock. He imagines pushing into you, seeing your face as you take his cock. He groans as he imagines filling you with his cum, watching it drip out of you.

Your fingers dip inside your cunt again, making you moan louder and brace your feet on the bed as you push them deeper. Wishing that you were sealing your vows with your riduur instead of fingering yourself. Even being in the training room was preferable. “Fuuuuck.” You hiss in frustration, not feeling as good as you know you could.

Din grunts as he fists his cock, getting closer and closer. He hisses as he squeezes his cock and he can't hold back anymore. He cums, spurting onto his chest and hand, groaning your name softly as he imagines taking you as his riduur but he can't do that. He closes his eyes as he rides his orgasm until the guilt hits him. You're innocent and pure. He isn't. He doesn't deserve you.

Sighing when you finally find that spot that feels so good, you rub your clit. Pinching your nipple and moaning as you imagine it’s Din. He’s a warrior, one that can also be tender and you imagine him taking you apart with his cock and his fingers, his helmet on in your imagination. “Din, Din.” You moan softly, getting closer to that peak and your thighs start to shake.

Din soon settles into bed after cleaning himself up and he swears he heard his name again. Sighing, he closes his eyes and allows himself to sleep without his helmet, the door is locked and he needs to process the day. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do but he’s bound to you now so he needs to care for you but he won’t touch you. He can’t. Not when you are doing it out of duty, of obligation.

Your peak is satisfying, but you know would be so much better if it were with Din. You had been trained to want sex, to crave it and yet now that you could have a man, he was rejecting you. Getting under the covers, you wonder if it is just a matter of him getting to know you before he gives in and touches you. You hope so.

The next morning, Din is dressed and feeding the kid by the time you wake up. "Good morning." He greets you softly and the kid coos at you before he digs back into his porridge. "I could've done that. You should've woken me up." You huff and Din shakes his head, "you are not here to serve us."

Your shoulders slump and you can’t help but feel like a failure. “I don’t know what to do.” You whisper quietly. “I- my creed- my purpose- you don’t want me here.” This is nothing like the armorer had told you it would be, and you feel like a failure. “I will no longer be mandalorian.”

“You are my riduur. You’re not failing. I - I don’t mind you here but-” He says your name, “you aren’t my servant. You’re my equal and I can make our foundling breakfast.” He declares and your beautiful face turns down.

You frown slightly and sigh. “Even if I am your equal, you would have me do nothing, contribute nothing.” You are stubborn in some ways and now you are clawing to find your place here. “I cannot share your bed, I cannot care for you and your foundling, I cannot share your burden.” You turn away and shake your head. “I am not allowed to share your life.” You walk back to your room quietly to put your armor back on.

Din sighs, looking at the kid who clicks his tongue at him in reprimand. “I know.” Din sighs and Grogu finishes his food. After he’s finished eating, Din cleans up and takes Grogu to school, wanting to give you some space.

Once you have your armor on, you pull your weapons out, intent on cleaning them. Knowing that Din would be happier if you weren’t here, you decide to leave your bag packed. Bringing your weapons out to the table to start disassembling them.

Din returns home without Grogu to find you sitting at the kitchen counter, back in Beskar and even wearing your helmet. That disappoints Din a little, already missing seeing your beautiful face. He can still imagine you naked. Wants to even if his conscience won’t allow it. He sighs and makes his way onto the porch, deciding to look through his holos to see if anything new has come in

You finish cleaning your weapons, reassembling them and sliding them into the holster on your hip. Your helmet tilts slightly when Din comes back into the room. "I am going into town." You tell your riduur, giving him more consideration than he had given you when he left.

Din nods, not wanting to show you that he’s a little bothered by you leaving but he grunts softly, “be careful.” Despite knowing you’re more than capable as a Mandalorian to look after yourself.

You nod, turning and walking away from the small dwelling and checking your map that is pulled up on your bracer. You try not to take his warning to heart, it doesn’t mean that he cares, probably that he would just prefer not to have to provide any backup. 

**** 

It’s been a week since you arrived and Din has tried to keep his distance. It’s clear to him that you’re not happy to not be fulfilling your duty but he doesn’t try to rectify that. He needs to keep away. It’s hard though. Every day he’s spent around you is making it harder to not touch you. You are beautiful. Inside and out he’s discovered. He spends his nights touching himself, jerking himself off to thoughts of you.

It is probably the longest time that you have spent in your armor in years. When you were training, you had kept to fitted clothes, with your helmet on as you moved through the tunnels, but when you were in your training room, you didn’t have it on. It wasn’t needed. Now, in deference to your riduur, you were wearing your armor and helmet unless you were sleeping and it’s driving you insane. Chaffing and making you feel too encapsulated. You had been eyeing the hot spring that was behind the living quarters, knowing that a soak would go a long way to restoring your spirits. 

Din just dropped Grogu off at school when he is walking across the sand and sees you. He knows it’s you. His visor zooming in to see you getting into the hot spring. Naked. He should look away. He should go inside. He can’t. His cock twitches and he changes direction to hide away from your line of sight so he can watch you. It’s so wrong, but fuck, his hand is sore from jerking himself off. To know you’re his in name, in creed, has him hard and aching for you. Especially now he knows what you’re like. You’re sweet and kind, gentle with Grogu and he knows he is getting more and more lenient with his strict vow to stay away from you.

Moaning at the heat and how good it feels on your skin, you settle down onto a little rock ledge inside the spring that acts as a natural seat. You wonder if Din has ever soaked in the spring, but figure that he is so ridged, he would not for fear of someone coming up on him. Throwing your arms back, you close your eyes, sighing at the freedom and sense of pleasure you get from being out of your armor.

Maker. He is aching in his flight suit, watching you as you arch your back to expose your breasts over the swell of the water and he groans at the way your nipples harden. He moves closer to watch you, knowing this is wrong but he wants to see you.

You had reached out the armorer to talk to her, only getting the advice to stay firm and not let Din drive you away. So here you are. Right now, the problems that you have with Din feel minute, the sun isn’t too hot today and there is a nice breeze coming from the city that seems to temper the weather. 

Din watches you from the shadows. He feels guilty for watching you but he can’t help it. He groans softly, reaching down to squeeze himself through his flight suit, his eyes drinking in your form as you relax.

The steam rises around you and it strikes you that this is a really romantic spot. It would be very sensual and you decide to push off the wall and submerge yourself completely, going under the water. Imagining being here with Din and having him naked in the water beside you. 

When you get out of the spring, Din inhales sharply, and he loves the way the water slides along your skin as you stand up. He groans softly, squeezing his cock through his pants and he watches you, caught under your spell as you stand there naked and glistening under the sun.

You don’t want to get dressed again. You don’t want to go back into the little house where you don’t fit into any role. Instead, you sit on a stone on the edge of the hot springs and stretch out, letting the sun bake your skin dry. 

Din knows he shouldn’t be watching you like this. He swallows harshly and closes his eyes, making his way back into the cabin, working fast to pull his aching cock out of his flight suit. He sits down on the edge of his bed and forgets to shut the door as he grips his cock and starts to pump himself.

The door closes and your eyes open, lifting your head to look around. “Din?” You ask, sitting up and standing quickly. If he is back home, you should go back in the house with your armor on, but you don’t. Quickly walking inside nude and calling his name again. “Din? Are you here, riduur?” 

Din pants as he gathers the pre-cum from the tip of his cock, working his length as the sight of your figure burned into his retinas. He will never forget it. He groans and doesn’t notice you coming into the cabin, calling his name. His usually razor sharp senses are dulled by the pleasure and lust racing through his veins.

“Din?” You can hear him grunt in his room, pausing near his door. You shouldn’t go inside, you’ve never been in his room. Respecting his privacy - but what if he’s hurt? You bite your lip, reaching for the button to open the door and rush in as soon as the door slides open. “Din, are you-” You stop in shock, seeing him grip his cock. A thick, long cock that has you instantly dripping wet. “I-”

His eyes widen as you enter his room and he gasps your name under the helmet. “I- riduur. I didn’t - I’m sorry.” He lets go of his cock and starts to tuck himself away from your sight, you shake your head, moving fast to kneel before him and take his cock in your hand and then within seconds, you’re taking his cock into your mouth. “Dank Ferrik.” He hisses, “you don’t- you don’t have to do this.” He chokes out, not wanting you to do this if you feel obligated.

You swallow around him before you pull off with a small pop. “I want to, Maker, I want to.” You promise, squeezing the base of his cock as you look up at him with a lustful smile. “I’ve found you sexy from the first moment I saw you. Even in your old armor. I want to touch you.” You repeat before you duck your head again to take him deep into your mouth. Loving how thick he is and the way his vein throbs on your tongue. 

He can’t argue, not when your lips are wrapping around his cock and taking him deeper. Maker, you’re gorgeous. Your eyes look up at him and he reaches out to caress your cheek with his gloved hand. “Riduur. You - fuck - your mouth.” He pants, refusing to close his eyes as you take him into your mouth.

You wish you could see his eyes. To mark how he looks when he cums rather than the expressionless visor. Instead of focusing on it, you decide you want to pull moans out of him. Swirling your tongue around the head and bobbing up and down until you are taking him deep into your throat and the fabric of his flight suit is against your nose. 

“Fuck. Cyar’ika. I- shit. You’re so good. So good.” He rambles slightly as you take him deep enough to push him down your throat. “Fuck.” He chokes, unused to this. You are taking him without issue and it’s pushing him closer to orgasm quicker than he’d care to. “Riduur. You’re - I’m going to-” He grunts as he twitches in your mouth.

You want him to cum. Want him to spill down your throat to taste him. To milk him dry. You hum around his length and start swallowing, knowing that he will enjoy the pressure and buck into your mouth if he wants to be deeper.

He lets out something between a cry and a moan as he starts to cum. Spilling down your throat as you swallow around him and he clenches his fists beside his thighs as you work him dry. It’s more than he’s ever experienced and it’s intoxicating.

You don’t let up, not pulling off until he stops throbbing. Swallowing every gloriously salty drop of his release and listening to the laborious pants that slip from underneath his helmet. You slowly start to pull off his cock, humming as you rock back and look up at him innocently. “Good, riduur?”

Din gulps, trying to catch his breath as you look at him with wide eyes and he swears his heart is about to beat out of his chest. “Maker, riduur. I- fuck. You need to get on the bed. I want to touch you.” He says as he tucks his cock away and he reaches for his gloves, “I want to see how wet you are.”

You are thrilled that he wants to touch you. Watching him strip off his gloves as you move to the bed and spread out. There’s no shame as you spread your thighs to reveal your dripping cunt. You had leaked onto the floor when you were sucking his cock. “Dripping, riduur.”

He groans at the sight of your folds. Maker, you are beautiful. “Mesh’la.” He murmurs, reaching out to slide his fingers through your folds. Fuck, you are dripping. He groans and moves his fingers up to rub your clit.

You bite your lip, moaning in pleasure as your nipples hard in desire. Finally feeling your riduur touch you has your cunt throbbing. “Din.” You whimper, rolling your hips down, greedy for his touch. “Please, Riduur.”

He loves the way you moan his name. So sweet and so needy. He slides his fingers down to push two thick digits inside of you. He groans as your walls surround his fingers, wet and tight, and he imagines how you’d feel around his cock. “Fuck. You’re so wet.” He rasps, voice modulated but you can hear the lust.

“For you.” Your fingers dig into his flight suit as you hold onto him. Rocking your hips up and clenching down around him when he strikes something gorgeous inside. “Wet for you. I want- I want you to fill me.” You beg quietly. “I want to experience it- you. Your cock inside me.”

Din groans at the way you beg, "cyar'ika. I've never - you'd be the first. I don't want to disappoint you." He confesses as he works his fingers inside of you. "I've done this. That's it." He reveals, working his fingers and his thumb presses against your clit.

“I- I’ve never- you would be my first.” You remind him, whimpering and jerking your hips up to his touch. “I have no- no expectations. We would learn together.”

"Maker." He hisses as you reveal you're a virgin too. He had tried so hard to forget that. "You'll be mine. All mine." He growls and works his fingers a little faster. You are made for him. You are his riduur and that makes him feral.

“All yours.” You moan, tilting your head back and closing your eyes. “Fuck, Din, please. I- oh fuck.” You cry out when he pushes against that spot again and your entire body lights up. “It’s so good, please, cyar’ika.”

He wants to watch you fall apart around his digits. "That's it, mesh’la. Cum for me." He demands, pushing his fingers against that spot that makes you gush around him. "That's it baby. Cum for your riduur."

Whimpering, his words flash through you and make your body light up in pleasure. Pushing you over the edge and your walls clamp down around his fingers. Body shaking as you cry out.

Din groans as you soak his fingers, working you through it, and his cock is hardening again at the thought of you being his, completely his. Something switched in him when he saw you in that spring and his previous qualms and morality have gone out of the window. He’s spent too long alone and he wants you. He craves you.

Your whines finally give out to breathy pants and you close your eyes. Expecting your riduur to pull away now that you’ve both been satisfied. “Riduur…” you murmur quietly. “That was- was so good. Your fingers are so good.” You praise quietly.

"I want to taste you." Din declares, knowing he can remove his helmet in front of you as your riduur. He is nervous, hands shaking as his damp fingers unlock the seal of his helmet and your eyes carefully watch him as he removes the last barrier between you. He's still in full beskar but the helmet is his most precious protection against the galaxy - not just physically, but emotionally.

Your eyes widen when he actually lifts the helmet up. So sure that he would never break that barrier with you. Watching as a strong jaw, sharp now and soft brown eyes are revealed to you. “Maker.” You whimper softly. “My riduur is the most handsome man in the galaxy.”

Din blushes, actually blushes as his emotions are on clear display without his helmet. Unused to censoring his facial expressions. “Riduur. You don’t - we are already bound.” He mutters, setting his helmet down on the side.

“And I am lucky.” You smile, biting your lip at how demure he is being. It’s very appealing since he looks so intimidating with the helmet on. “Only I get to see you.”

His heart skips a beat in his chest, making it feel like he can hardly breathe as you look at him like he’s the only one in the galaxy. He swallows and nods, reaching out to caress your thighs. “Wanna taste you, cyar’ika.” He murmurs, shifting you down the bed until he’s lying between your spread thighs.

You know that he’s never tried something like this, so you nod. “Whatever you want, riduur.” You promise, Reaching down and running your fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp. He groans and you know it’s a good sound. You always want to scratch your head when your own helmet comes off.

He groans as he leans closer, breathing you in, and he tentatively slides his tongue through your folds. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s seen this in holovids he’s watched late at night but he’s never done it. The tangy taste makes him smack his lips and he does it again, sliding his tongue through your folds until he’s flicking your clit.

“Oh!” You gasp, shivering at the contact and you want to close your thighs together. You can’t because of the broad shoulders and armor between them. Looking down at him is the sexiest sight and your cunt bottoms out around nothing, making you fling your head back against his pillow. “Maker, oh fuck, how- it’s- keep going.” You beg.

Din doesn’t want to stop. The breathless cries coming from you have him ravenous. He doesn’t know what he’s doing so it’s sloppy and uncoordinated but what he lacks in skill, he makes up for with enthusiasm.

You love how eager he is, devoting himself to the task with a singular determination. “Din!” You cry out and roll your hips down to meet his eager tongue. “So good! Fuck, you’re so good.”

He groans at your praise, sliding his tongue through your folds again until he sucks your clit into his mouth. His hands squeeze your flesh, pushing your legs back so he can access more of your flesh.

You keen at the way he devours you. Completely gorging himself and not being shy about it. Greedily sucking and licking at you like it’s his only task. “Oh fuck, right there!” You gasp out.

He follows your gasped demand, repeating the motion that makes your thighs tighten around his head and his cock is aching against his flight suit. He grinds into the bed as you thrash and he throws his armored arm across your stomach to keep you still

It doesn't take you long, just a few more minutes of his tongue swiping through your folds, until you are flying. Crying out a loud "Din!" before your entire body locks up and you clench down on his fingers to soak them with your release.

Din groans as you clench around on his fingers and he sucks on your clit until you’re pushing his face away from you. He kisses your mound and rests his chin there, mustache glistening with your cum as he offers you a small smile.

“I can’t- that was so good.” You admit breathlessly. “I could be addicted to that, to you.” You admit, reaching down and caressing his cheek. He flinches but doesn’t pull away, leaning into your hand and letting you touch him. “I want you to claim me.” You tell him. “Make me your riduur completely. Let me give you what no one else has experienced.” 

Din nods, shifting off of the bed to work on removing his armor. If you are to be his, he will reveal all of himself to you. He swallows harshly as nerves threaten to grip him and he works methodically to remove the beskar until he is shrugging out of his flight suit.

“Mesh’la.” You whisper, looking at the scars and imperfect skin that makes up the body of your riduur. A warrior who has survived every battle he has faced. He is a Mandalorian, and you are proud to be his. “Come to me.” You beg him.

He can’t deny you. Shifting onto his hands and knees, he crawls over your body and leans down to caress your waist, his hand grabbing your tit as he leans down to kiss you for the first time. The first time he’s kissed anyone. It’s messy and he hits your nose with his at first. “Sorry.” He murmurs, feeling unsure.

You giggle and cup both of his cheeks with your hands, cradling them and try again. “It’s okay.” You promise, moaning softly when his lips land like they are supposed to on yours. Closing your eyes and sinking into the sensation. You love it, could live with his lips pressed to yours. 

Din groans, pecking your lips several times, and he slides his hand along your leg, "tell me if it hurts." He murmurs, unsure and lacking confidence as he grips his cock and squeezes, positioning himself at your entrance. "Are you ready for me, riduur?" He asks softly, nudging his nose against your jaw.

“Yes, Din.” You moan softly. “I am ready for you.” It’s on the tip of your tongue to tell him that you’ve been waiting for him your entire life. You don’t think that he would believe you, but you have been waiting for him and now that he’s here, you are eager to have him inside you. 

He nods, shifting closer and he locks eyes with you as he starts to push into you. This moment - it’s one that Din never imagined having. Naked in bed with his riduur. It’s almost enough to make him cum. He groans as he pushes into your tight, wet heat and he swears he sees stars.

You whimper, the thick length of him stretching you out in ways that you could have never imagined. So much bigger than the fingers you had earlier, your eyes roll back. You can feel his body tense and from your training, you know that he will cum before you do. “So good.” you coo, caressing his back. “Move, riduur, please.” 

He grunts, clenching his jaw to control himself as he starts to move inside of you. You’re his dream. The woman he’s always imagined when he jerked his cock was faceless but now he knows who she is. It’s you. You belong to him. He groans and leans down to kiss your neck, biting down on the flesh like he’s wanted to do since he saw your face as he starts to move inside of you.

Whining, you can’t help but tighten down around him. Loving how he had sunk his teeth into your skin. “Din!” You cry out, holding onto him desperately while your entire body rocks up on the bed. 

He loves the way you moan his name, rocking into you over and over and it’s too much. “I - fuck. Mesh’la. I- Maker.” He pants and grunts as he pushes his cock deep inside of you and within seconds he’s painting your walls with his hot seed.

You moan, loving how hot it feels inside you. How full you feel as you roll your hips down. You caress his back and sigh happily, kissing along his shoulder as he rides out his pleasure.

Din groans at the way you take all of him. "Fuck." He pants, coming to a stop as his cock twitches inside of you, turning his head to press his lips to yours. "Riduur." He murmurs, "thank you."

Din gathers his senses and his eyes widen as he looks down at you, “I- riduur. You didn’t - I’ve failed you.” He chokes, feeling guilty and he doesn’t know how to handle the fact that he took your innocence and you never got to climax from it.

Frowning, you shake your head, unsure of what he means. “Failed me?” You huff. “You didn’t- I didn’t make you cum.” Din chokes out and you are astonished. “Riduur, I will not cum every time we have sex. I know that. It’s okay. You made me cum before and it was better than any pleasure I’ve ever had in training.”

Din frowns, carefully pulling out of you and he looks at you as you offer him a doe eyed look that has his stomach twisting with confusion and guilt. “Training? As in - as in fighting?” He asks, his brow furrowed and he’s not used to his emotions being on full display.

You tile your head in confusion, sure that he was aware of what was involved in your training. “I was trained in fighting when I was younger, but I am talking about the training for pleasure.” You correct him.

Din’s eyes widen and he shuffles away from you in shock. “Plea-pleasure? But I thought - you said you were-” His brow furrows once more, “you said you were a virgin and I- shit. I’m confused.”

“I was.” Sitting up, you ignore your nudity and look into his eyes. “While in training, since I could remove my helmet, oral sex was the focus of my lessons.” You explain. “No one was allowed to penetrate me. Not even fingering me. They could rub my clit, but most just wanted their own release.” You smile at him. “You are not a selfish partner.”

Din doesn’t know how to feel. You’ve been trained to be his riduur, even trained to please him sexually. He feels sick. Not because of you, but because of what you’ve been through. For him. Because of him. “You- oral sex? With who?” He asks, unsure of what to do other than ask questions.

You shrug casually, swinging your feet over the edge of the bed and standing. You need to clean up since his cum is starting to drip out of you. “Whoever came into the training rooms.” You say simply. “Sometimes the armorer would turn away some, but there was always someone willing to let me train with them.”

He feels violated on your behalf. The armorer essentially forcing you to train in oral sex for his pleasure. “Maker.” Din shuffles off of the bed, immediately reaching for his flight suit to pull it on. “Because of me. You went through that because of me.” He chokes and stumbles out of the room.

You frown as he rushes out of the room, wondering why he is so upset that you would be trained. Cleaning up quickly, you realize you are in his room and have none of your clothes so you walk out to find your riduur.

Din is panicking. He’s just taken your innocence, given you his, and he’s found out that you were trained to be his by members of the covert. Men he knows. Men who would know you. He is fuming at the thought of those men knowing what his riduur is like, what her body looks like. He stalks through the cabin back to his room to find you gone and he takes his Beskar to put it back on.

Upset that he has left, you put your armor back on. Wanting the comfort of the physical shielding between you. It’s like you’ve been rejected all over again and it’s even more painful now that you know what he looks like, what he feels like.

Din doesn’t know how to handle the knowledge, deciding to take his blaster outside to do some target practice before he picks up the kid. Not that he needs target practice but it will take his mind off of things.

Waiting is the worst part. Sitting around and not knowing what is happening. You hear blaster fire in the distance and sigh. Deciding to send a message to the armorer, hoping she will know what to do.

Din tries to process what just happened. He had sex with his riduur who has been groomed to be his. It makes him sick. You’re a beautiful woman, inside and out, and if he’d known you in the covert, he would’ve liked you naturally, but to know you’ve been raised to be his has him on edge. Grogu senses it when Din picks him up and when the duo arrive back at the cabin, Grogu toddles over to you and coos.

“Hey.” You choke out the word, grateful for your helmet so you don’t show your tear stained face. Bending down, you pick up the little one. His presence and obvious adoration makes you feel a bit better and you concentrate on that instead of the man behind him. “How was your day?”

Grogu coos again, lifting his hand up to press to your helmet, showing you his day including Din picking him up and bringing him home. He had picked up the distress in his father and Din is just as tense now as he watches you and Grogu interact.

You manage to grin, bolstered by the child’s antics, including sneaking a cookie from another kid and you chuckle. “You had a good day then.” You hum. “Do you want to go chase frogs while I make you some dinner?” You aren’t asking Din if you can, knowing he would have some objection to it.

Grogu waddles off after you set him down and Din calls after him, "don't go too far." He is glad Grogu keeps the door open so he can keep an eye on him and he sighs as he turns towards you. "So...how was your day?" He asks, knowing that he took your innocence today but he's trying to make some kind of conversation.

You don’t look at him, but your visor is turned towards him. Instead of answering him, you just turn and walk towards the galley kitchen to start making a meal for the young foundling. He had been upset by your training, so you don’t think that having a conversation is a good idea. 

Din suppresses the sigh that works its way up his throat and he heads outside to sit down on the porch to watch Grogu chase the frogs, floating them up in the air. “Don’t torture them, kid.” He shouts out and Grogu trills as he lets the frog drop into the water. Din fiddles with the edge of his beskar, unsure of what to say to you. It’s him, he’s the one who has made this awkward and he doesn’t regret that. He doesn’t know if you’re doing this out of obligation and duty. He doesn’t want you to want him because of duty or creed.

You move around the kitchen quietly, heartbroken that Din doesn’t want you anymore. You had done everything that you had been taught. Tried to please him and be the partner, the riduur, that he deserved. And still he doesn’t want you. The armorer told you that no one could come for another three weeks. Until then, you are stuck on Nevarro, with a man who doesn’t want you.

**** 

It's been four weeks since you arrived on Nevarro and Din has kept his distance, sleeping in his own bed, and he hasn't touched you. You've mainly avoided him, taking over caring for Grogu and spending time in your room. He feels guilty, for you being bound to him and him not fulfilling his duty as your riduur but how can he when you were trained to be his? Groomed to be his? It's too much to handle and he has kept away.

Today is the day. The armorer sent you a halo message, telling you that Kledo, another mandalorian from the new covert on Mandalore, will be here by the time the sun is setting. After Din leaves to take Grogu to school, you pull out your bags to start packing your things. Over the week before you had slept with Din, you had spread your things out, so now you methodically pack them away. 

Din drops Grogu off and comes back to the cabin, entering with a sigh as he expects to see you in the kitchen preparing lunch but you’re not there. He calls out your name, frowning under the helmet. He calls your name again, a little more frantic, and he rushes through the cabin to try and find you. He enters your room and finds it empty of your things. “Dank Ferrik.” He curses, grabbing his blaster and he tries to figure out if you've gone to the transporter station. He makes his way there and looks around, trying to find you but you’re gone.

When you break atmo, you start to cry under your helmet. Silent tears that stream down your cheek and gather at your chin. Dripping down onto the fabric of your flight suit and absorbed into the fabric. If Kledo had questions about why he was picking up Din Djarin’s riduur and bringing her to Mandalore, he never voices them, just concentrates on your trip there. 

Din interrogates the ticket staff who tell him no Mandalorians have come through the ticket hall and he growls, stalking off to the cabin and he immediately calls the Armorer. "Din Djarin." Her cool voice makes him vibrate with annoyance. "Where is my riduur?" He demands and she shakes her helmet, "you rejected her. She is returning to the covert with Kledo." She declares and Din doesn't waste another second. He hangs up and rushes to the school to collect Grogu, getting into his ship to make his way to a place he swore he'd never return to: Mandalore.

You sleep for most of the journey, after you cry yourself out. Waking when you feel the engines change, approaching Mandalore. “We are here.” Kledo tells you, preparing for landing. “The armorer is waiting for you.”

"You've returned." The Armorer declares as you enter the welding room. She stands tall and you shrink into yourself. "You failed. You have failed your mission as a riduur to the Mandalor." She says without sympathy.

“Yes.” You swallow under your helmet and try not to cry. “Din Djarin rejected me, but not before taking my innocence. I was not good enough.” You tell her. “I have come to ask that you break the riduurok. He should not be bound to someone who is dar’manda.”

The Armorer shakes her head, "you have failed and he has not succeeded in getting you with child?" She asks, wanting to confirm this before you are made dar'manda.

“I-“ you frown slightly, faltering because you don’t know if he had planted his seed in your womb. “I have not bled.” You admit quietly, “but it has only been three weeks since I shared his bed.”

"You will not be dar'manda until we confirm. If you are indeed pregnant, you shall remain with the covert until you give birth...then you will be sent away. The babe would remain." She declares and you nod, despite screaming inside. Din has never traveled faster in his life through the galaxy until he is landing on Mandalore. Many of his kin greet him by bowing their helmets but he doesn't pay attention, rushing into the lower sects of the covert to find you.

Your hands shake as you start to strip your armor and flight suit. Feeling shame for the first time as the armorer had ordered you to prepare to be examined. You have become used to being covered in your time with Din, feeling exposed as you reveal your skin and sink down to your knees to await the covert doctor with nothing but your helmet on.

Din is rushing through the halls, demanding to know where you are. His heart pounding as Grogu swings from the satchel he’s in at Din’s side. Din pushes people out of the way, some shouting at his back as he rushes through the halls to find you and eventually, he discovers you and the Armorer in her quarters. “Riduur.” He rushes over to you, your helmet on and your body covered in a blanket. “What is going on here?” He demands to know.

The Armorer looks at Din and then back down at the piece of steel she was crafting into a cuff. “We are waiting to see if she will be dar’manda now,” She intones. “Or if carrying your child will delay her exile.” Your head lowers even further, shamed that you have failed and unsure why Din is here, unless it is to demand the shuk’la riduurok himself. 

Din's eyes widen beneath the helmet, horrified at what you are going through and all because of him. "Is this necessary?" He demands and the Armorer nods, "this will be the next leader of Mandalore, we need to see if she is with child." Din shakes his head, "with an audience?" He hisses as you are naked and he wants to cover your body with his. "This is the way." The Armorer declares and Din's upper lip curls in disgust even if no one can see it. "She will not be dar'manda."

There is a hushed silence and your head lifts slightly. “Then you claim her as your riduur?” The Armorer asks loudly, and there is shuffling behind you, other mandalorians filing into the chamber to witness your shame. “She is under the impression that you wish to break your riduurok. That you regret taking her innocence.” 

Din is horrified, shaking his helmet. “I do not regret taking her innocence because of her. I regret - she was groomed. Forced to be what I need and I- she should have freedom of choice. To not be forced to be my riduur because she’s been trained to be so. To find out she has given oral sex to most of the men here…she’s been violated and I feel guilty that I was the cause.” He confesses, “it’s my fault.”

“How is this your fault?” The Armorer tilts her head curiously. “This is her path, she could have chosen not to walk it.” She informs him. “She chose to take the oath and to train, it is just as honorable as the path you have walked.” 

Din stutters, “she didn’t - I didn’t ask for my riduur to be trained for me. She deserves freedom of choice. To be allowed to be who she is and love who she wants. She - I don’t want a riduur who is ordered to want me. I want her to want me because she wants me.” He explains, his hands sweaty in his gloves.

“She does love you.” The Armorer tells Din, motioning to you as you kneel on the ground in front of her forge. “If she did not, she would have stayed. Keeping you bound to vows you didn’t not wish.” There is a smug sense of rightness in her tone and you wonder if you are so obvious in your motives. “Shuk’la riduurok would not affect you. You would continue to be as you have always been.” She tilts her head and hums. “Perhaps you have your heart on the line as well, because why are you here, Din Djarin? If not to fight for your riduur.” 

Din rears back as the emotional impact of the past month hits him. He is here to fight for you, the same way he'd fight for anyone he loves. He fights for the people that mean the most to him and suddenly that includes you. Between the distance and the closest he's ever been with another, blurred in those lines, Din Djarin has fallen in love with you. He swallows harshly, "I am here to claim my riduur...and my ad...if that is the situation." He adds and Grogu coos from his satchel, gesturing to you.

Your helmet slowly lifts, shocked to hear that coming out of Din’s mouth and you swear you are imagining things. He wants to claim you? “You claim your riduur?” The Armorer demands once more, finishing with your name. “I do.” Din nods, untwisting his cape from around his cowl and draping it over your shoulders to cover your body. “She is mine by vow and creed.” He adds.

Your helmet tilts up towards his and he shifts to kneel, Grogu jumping out of his satchel and Din leans in to press his helmet to yours. “She is mine and I am hers.” He promises and the Armorer nods. “Very well. Let us see if she is with Ad.” She demands and Din shakes his head. “No. Not like this. Let me take her to her room and we will find out in private.” He says and helps you stand up with his cloak still wrapped around you.

Still in shock that he’s here, you let Din lead you out of the forge room and off to a secluded hall. “Din?” You whisper, reaching out to touch his cloak, wondering if you are imagining this. If you are living inside a little fantasy. “Are you- you claimed me?” 

Din doesn’t answer you as he looks down the hall, Grogu following his steps. “Where is your room here, cyar’ika?” He asks, wanting to get you somewhere private before he talks to you.

Your heart sinks, sure that he is just getting you alone so that he can reject you. Keep it private and publicly have the illusion of claiming you. “Through here.” You motion down the hall to a door next to the training room. 

Din swallows harshly, guiding you into the room and Grogu follows at your feet. Once you're inside, he takes a breath and turns to face you. "Why did you leave?" He demands, wanting to know why you left him without even saying goodbye.

“You did not want me there.” You remind him. “You left me after- after we had sex.” You pull the edges of the cape around you and bite your lip under the helmet. “I did what was needed to give you back your freedom.” Shaking your head, you shrug. “What else was I supposed to do?”

Din's stomach twists, guilty for being so scared that he ran as soon as he touched you. For ignoring you after the event until today. "I- riduur. I have been alone my entire life until Grogu came along. He was my only purpose and I never imagined finding someone. I accepted being alone and then you came along and you - you changed everything. You took care of us - of me. You loved me. It was more than I could handle especially when you were doing it because you were groomed to be mine. I hate that you never had a choice."

“I did have a choice.” You tilt your head and frown under your helmet. “I - Din…the Armorer told me who I would be joined with if I took the Creed.” You explain. Maybe you had messed up by not clarifying before. “She had already chosen you to be the next leader of our covert after her. I knew this. I want this, I wanted you.” You bite your lip. “You were the one who didn’t have a choice, I guess.” 

Din shakes his head, "maybe I didn't have a choice but I do now and I- I claim you, riduur. I want you. I - I love you. If you want me, I am yours. If you want me to leave, I will go. I won't force you. You pick your path, you choose your destiny."

Letting go of the cape, you reach up and unlock your helmet. Slipping it off your head so you can look your riduur in his eyes. “I want to go back to Nevarro with you.” You confess softly. “If I am not carrying your ad, I would like to. Soon. I want to raise warriors with you. Not just because of my creed but because I want to have children with my riduur.” 

Din looks into those beautiful eyes and doesn’t hesitate to reach up to remove his own helmet, setting it down before he cups your cheeks so he can look into your eyes without the visor. “Mesh’la. I want you to come home with me.” He declares, leaning in to kiss you softly.

Your lips melt against his and you sigh in relief. Tears started pouring out of your eyes again even though you had sworn you couldn’t cry anymore. “I want to come home with you.”

He caresses your cheek and rests his forehead against yours, “good. Let’s go home, riduur.” He is so pleased that you want to be with him. “Are you- do you want to find out if you’re carrying our ad?”

As if to answer his question, there is a knock on the door to your room. “That would be the covert doctor.” You tell Din. “You should put your helmet back on.”

Din nods, placing the helmet back on his head. Just because he loves you, doesn’t mean his habits will die. He locks the latches just as the doctor comes in and Din stands straighter, suddenly defensive of you.

“I hear you might be expecting.” The tone of the mandalorian doctor is chipper and you’ve always liked her. The chipper purple armor of her Beskar makes you smile. “I am hoping you can tell us that.” You admit, gesturing to Din. “My riduur.”

Din nods, his stomach twisting with nerves as the doctor pulls out the holopad and what looks like a scanner from her satchel. “Din Djarin.” Din introduces himself and the doctor nods, “Mand’alor.” She bows her head in respect and Din shakes his head, “please. Just Din.”

You bite your lip, knowing that it’s futile to argue that while most of the Mandalorians follow Bo-Katan, they view Din as the real Mand’alor. Even Bo has wished Din would come back to the planet to help her lead. “Will you be able to tell? It’s only been three weeks.”

“We have advantaged technology to be able to tell.” She promises, “please lay down.” She says and you shift to lay down on the bed. Din follows, hovering over you and the doctor asks you to remove your cloak, “just so we can get close enough.” She explains and Din is tense as she pushes buttons on the holopad before the scanner whooshes to life and she hovers it over your lower stomach.

You reach for Din’s hand, hoping that will help him relax. You are used to the doctor, so you are comfortable with her and bite your lip as you look for any indication from the doctor’s helmet. She hums and moves it around, making you shiver at the slightly energetic feel of the scanner above your skin.

Din squeezes your hand, anxious and feeling a little nauseous until the doctor smiles, pointing out the small dot on the screen. “There they are. It’s - it’s very early but you are with ad.” She declares and Din inhales sharply. He’s terrified. He’s nervous but he’s happy. So happy. “Our ad.” He murmurs, a little in shock.

“Our ad.” You repeat in wonder, feeling more tears welling up in your eyes. “We are going to be buirs.” You whimper, squeezing his hand. “The very first time you touched me.”

Din leans in to press his forehead against yours, wishing you could see the wonder on his face, but that will have to wait for later. Grogu coos and Din turns to look at him. "Big brother." Din tells his foundling who straightens up as if ready to take on the role.

You choke out a happy giggle when you see the little foundling’s happy stance and look back at Din. Reaching up to caress his helmet. “I want to go home, riduur.” You tell him quietly. “Tomorrow. For now….i want to rest and celebrate.” Your eyes widen as you realize what this pregnancy means. “The first child born after retaking Mandalore.”

Din smiles under his helmet, “our first child.” He says and rests his forehead against yours. A Mandalorian you know, Ele, comes in about ten minutes later after the doctor leaves to ask if you want anything to eat or drink. “She will eat. And so must Grogu.” Din says and Ele nods, “I will take him for food and will bring him back with some for you. I am certain you wish to celebrate the news.” She says and your eyes widen at the fact that the news has spread so fast. Din hesitates, anxious to be separated from the kid but you know this woman so he will trust her. Grogu coos as he is willingly escorted to where the food is and Din wastes no time unlatching his helmet, throwing it down so he can lean in to press his lips to yours.

“We are having a baby.” You whisper against his lips, giggling. “I cannot believe it.” You are amazed that it happened so quickly. His seed is potent apparently.

Din nudges his nose against yours and kisses your forehead. “We are having a baby.” He murmurs, grinning as his hand caresses your stomach. “I love you, riduur.” He murmurs, “want to show you.”

“You do?” Your brows lift in surprise and you bite your lip. “How? How do you want to show me?” You don’t want to assume that he wants to touch you, although you have been told that men love to show their affection through sex.

Din slides his hand a little lower until he’s cupping your bare cunt, “I want to make you cum. I want to cum inside of you.” He murmurs, “claim you again. I want - I want you to ride me. Ride your riduur.” He murmurs, kissing along your neck.

You whimper quietly and tilt your head. This is a very different side of your riduur than you’ve previously experienced and you like it. “Ride you? You’ve imagined that?”

“Yes.” He confesses, his hand sliding lower until his fingers slide between your bare folds. “I want you to take your pleasure from me.” He murmurs, rubbing your clit with his fingers.

You moan softly, arching your hips up to his touch. “You will pleasure me.” You decide with a groan. “Strip your armor off, riduur.”

He nods, pulling his hand away from you to work diligently to remove his beskar until he’s in his flight suit. “I’ll look after you, riduur.” He promises and moves to remove the flight suit, his hard cock bouncing as he kicks it aside after removing his boots.

“You are- excited….” You murmur, sitting up and reaching out to wrap your hand around his hard cock. “What has you so worked up, riduur? Do you like your baby in my belly?”

He nods, a grunt escaping his lips. He never imagined he'd be so turned on by the idea of you round with his ad but he is. He pants when you start to pump him and he leans in to press his lips to yours, "yes, mesh'la."

“Then lay down.” You order softly. “I’ll show you how you planted your ad in me by riding your cock until you fill me up again.” You squeeze him gently before you let him go.

He groans and nods, quickly shifting to lay down on the bed beside you and his hands caressing your sides as you shift to straddle him. “Mesh’la riduur. My riduur.” He murmurs, proud of his claim over you. His hands slide up to gently squeeze your tits.

You moan quietly, closing your eyes as you shift to letting him lay down. Straddling his waist and grinding down onto his hard cock.

Din groans as you grind onto him. “That’s it baby. Keep - keep going. Want you to fuck me.” He murmurs, his dark eyes flicking up towards you. “Take what you need, cyar’ika.” He tells you, wanting you to be pleasured.

It’s different, keeping the control instead of giving it up to your riduur. It might be intoxicating because of how much it turns you on. Having your riduur submit to you and want you to take your pleasure from him. Reaching down, you line up with his thick length and slowly sink down onto him with a moan of his name.

Din watches you in rapture as you take his cock inside of you. He’s groaning your name and watching his length disappear inside of you. “You’re so right, mesh’la.” He murmurs, his eyes flicking up towards you and he reaches up to caress your cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too, riduur.” You whisper back, leaning over once he’s fully seated inside you and kissing him softly. Gazing into his eyes and watching him with wonder. He's here, he’s claiming you and you’re going to have his ad.

His hands slide down to caress your body, taking in your beauty and he loves you. “You’re mine. I will protect you with my life.” He promises, thrusting up into you as you grind down onto him. “After this, we will return home.” He promises and you nod, “home.”

He wants to return to Nevarro with you. To have you in the little home he has on the edge of the desert. You have fallen in love with it, with him and his foundling. Even the strange friends he has with the people there. “I love you, riduur.” You promise, having to kiss him again and caresses his cheek softly. “My riduur.”

Din smiles against your lips and he slides his hands along your back. “Baby, you - you are so good to me.” He murmurs against your chin and he kisses along your jaw. “My riduur.” He sighs, his hands sliding down to your hips and he helps you rock on his cock.

This time is just as sweet as the first. Just as awe inspiring. Even if you are slightly stiff as you find what position is best for you to ride him. Finding that you love it when you are pressed against his chest most of all.

He caresses your back and down to your ass, squeezing and smacking your cheeks playfully to get you to move on his cock. “That’s it baby. Ride my cock. Wanna feel you cum.” He says, groaning at the new position. It’s more than he could ever imagine. He’s clenching his jaw to try to hold off his orgasm, wanting you to cum for him.

“Rub my- oh rub my clit.” You beg, grabbing his hand and moving it between you to the sensitive little bundle of nerves. “Oh fuck, Din.” You hiss when he presses and starts to quickly rub tight circles.

He follows your order, rubbing your clit a little faster and he loves the way you flutter around his cock. “That’s it, riduur. Maker, your cunt is so tight.” He groans and thrusts up into you, his feet flat on the bed and you’re pushed up his body as he works to make you cum.

Your chants of his name start to get loud, filtering out of your room and you know that anyone nearby would hear it. Making you gasp as you realize everyone in the covert, everyone on Mandalore would know that you are his. It throws you over the edge and you cry out in pleasure when your cunt clamps down on his cock.

He loved the way you cry out. It’s intoxicating and he knows that you are going to keep him on his toes. His eyes squeeze shut as you clamp down around his cock and he leans in to press his lips to yours, smothering the rest of the cry of his name and he squeezes your hips. “Baby. I- I’m going to - shit.” He hisses, “I’m going to cum.” He chokes and thrusts up into you three more times before he twitches inside of you, filling you with his hot seed.

Your eyes close and you smile as you lean down to burrow your face into his neck. “Fuck, that feels so good.” You whimper. “I hope you want many ads. Because I feel like you are going to keep me pregnant.”

Din chuckles, “we have nine months to make you feel good while you grow this one.” He says as he caresses your back. “Then we will make another. And another. And another.” He says as he kisses your neck over and over. “I love you, riduur. We were made for each other.” He murmurs, leaning back so he can cup your cheek. “Now, let’s get dressed and get you home.”

You reluctantly pull off his cock, dressing in the clothes that had somehow been brought back to your room after being stripped in the forge room. Reaching for your helmet and turning to look at your riduur one more time before his own helmet goes back on. “Let’s go home, Din.”

After you both redress, Din finds Grogu and escorts you to the dock where his ship awaits. The Armorer stands there, hands behind her back. “You will be back Mand’alor. The covert needs you. We shall see you when you are ready to return.” She says and Din stares at her for a second before he nods. After settling his family in the ship, he gets in and begins the journey to Nevarro. He isn’t sure what the future holds, if he is going to return to Mandalore. One thing is for certain, he will be spending his days with his riduur, raised his ads, his foundling, and he will protect them with his life. That is his creed. This is the way.

[christinamadsen]

Holy shit is about to go down! 🫣 You can't end it like that! 😧

Where the Wild Things Are - Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: Do I Look Like Her?

Plot: Wild men or monstrous infected creatures, the world is wild and ravaged by Cordecyps but some are raised in it and flourish becoming a wild thing.

Word Count: 4.2K

Pairing: Joel Miller x Platonic!Teen!Reader, Ellie Williams x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: canon-typical fighting/violence, injuries, harsh language, tw: trauma from abusive mother, description of child neglect/abuse

—————

Mama, I'm chasin' a ghost Do I look like him? (Like what?) Like him.

“I want to go on patrols.”

It came out of nowhere in Tommy’s eyes. He had joined you to bring new feed and supplies to the stables when you popped the question. Since you had started living with Tommy and Maria you have opened from your shell more. There were times when you would slip in your progress retreating to the old habits from when you first arrived. But being in a more stable home that was more active in inviting you to ‘family’ time you say you gained a closer relationship with Tommy and Maria in just a  few months of staying with them still winter but it was settling entering March as the cold and snowstorms seem to retreat for the upcoming spring.

“I…I don’t think that’s a smart idea,” Tommy says slowly dropping the bag of feed by the other bags they were bringing in.

“Why not, I’ve been doing this for almost three months now and this past month has been no problems,” You question pulling out a knife to cut open the bag of feed to pour in the troughs for the horses, “You said it would be good for me to get more comfortable around others. What better than patrolling,” You say pointing your knife at him and reminding him of his past words.

He could already hear the disagreements from the other council members even outside that, especially Joel and their last argument in regards to you. Despite telling him to reach out to you if he wants you in his care from what he hears there is nothing. But the look you were giving him and he knew working this job was good for you and all but he could tell you were getting antsy and didn’t know what you might try if he said no.

“Look…how about the next time I take Ellie out shooting you join us,” He starts and he sees you perk up, “If I think you can handle it I'll see about you joining in patrols.”

A wide grin takes over your face and it comes as a shock to both of you when you hug him, “Thank you, Tommy!” You seem to realize what you did quickly pulling away as if it burned you immediately shrinking in, “I’m sorry…I don’t know,”

“It’s alright kid,” Tommy reassures you, “If I decide you’re good, and only if I think so, it’s small patrol routes and with larger groups, nothing smaller or longer than that you hear me,” He says and you nod and for the rest of the day there seems to be a pep in your step and a boost of energy.

At the Tipsy Bison Tommy stares off into the nothing with Joel returning with their drinks in hand, “Something on your mind?” Joel asks sensing the conflict in his brother’s demeanor. Tommy sighs taking a swig of his drink, letting it rest on the counter.

“I’m thinking of letting the kid join patrols,” Tommy says and immediately winces at the loud noise Joel makes.

“Hell no, Tommy! Did you hit your head or somethin’ We have no idea what could happen if you let her leave Jackson with those raiders,” Joel says and Tommy rubs his temples.

“Joel it’s just a thought, Jesus Christ. Look I’m having her join Ellie and I’s shooting sessions together and if I feel like she can handle herself I'll have her join larger patrols on shorter routes,” Tommy says before giving his brother a look, “Why are you so concerned for her? The last time we spoke about her you’ve made zero effort in trying to reach out to her. I already talked to Maria about it and she’s on board.”

Joel sends his brother a dirty look, “For your information, I have tried but she completely acts as if I don’t exist.”

“I wonder why..” Tommy mumbles under his breath, “Look Joel I understand why she’s hesitant to be around you, not a lot of fond memories have happened with you two. You can’t just force yourself around her. If she wants you involved in her life great, if not you can’t be mad at her for that.”

Joel is silent at Tommy’s words looking away spotting you and Ellie walking down the street. Ellie speaks animatedly with their hands while you nod along with a small smile as you throw in your two cents. He always has an outside view of who you really are, never able to be there to see the real you. Tommy rests a hand on his brother's shoulder drawing his attention back.

“Joel I wouldn’t have told you if I thought you didn’t need to know,” He starts having seen the way he looks at you as if you were his own but too afraid to admit it, “You care for her, just like you care for Ellie. She’ll come to you when she’s ready.”

Joel nods silently before the conversation drifts to other topics his hand absentmindedly drifting to the broken watch on his wrist. He couldn’t explain why he felt such a need to look after and protect you.

The morning of joining Ellie and Tommy's excursion was filled with excitement and nerves. Maria fixed your coat for the millionth time looking over you like a fusing mother that makes your heart ache.

“You have everything you need in your pack?” She asks and you nod. You double and triple-checked your bag that Maria helped pack for you with anything she could think of you needing despite only being gone for a few hours.

“Maria we gotta get going,” Tommy calls out as one of the stablehands handles the trio of horses. Maria waves him off before cupping your face and tucking stray hairs behind your ears.

“Be smart listen to Tommy and if anything goes wrong you head straight back here no questions asked,” She says before pulling out one final item. Your eyes widen seeing your revolver in her hands. You thought you left it in the cabin all those months ago when being brought here. It looks like it’s of much better quality as you hold it in your hands lightly tracing the carving onto the wooden handle.

‘03/21’

Maria sees the surprise on your face change to a frown as you look over the numbers. It’s Tommy calling out that stops your internal thoughts and you give Maria a weak smile tucking your revolver into your holster. You see Joel speaking to Tommy clapping his shoulder before he says something to Ellie she nods hugging Joel before climbing onto her horse Shimmer. You move to and climb on Red petting her neck as she makes sounds of contentment.

“Kid,” You turn surprised to see Joel standing beside you, He holds out a rifle and you take a brief look of surprise at him interacting with you that isn’t yelling or fighting, “Be smart out there.” You both stare at each other before you nod accepting the well taken care of weapon seeing the initials carved into the stock. ‘J.M.’

“Thanks, Joel,” You say and he nods stuffing his hands in his pockets and giving a brief nod. Slinging the strap across your shoulders before grabbing the reins. Tommy looks back at the two girls.

“You girls ready?” The pair of you nod and with a snap of the reins and a call to the guards the large gates open to the open world and you’re off. You take one last fleeting glance at Joel and Maria standing beside each other, Maria gives a wave while Joel is silent an unreadable expression on his face as he watches you all disappear in the horizon.

The open mountain range is peaceful lowering the binoculars and do not see any infected on the other side of the range, “I’m not seeing anything,” You say lowering them as you pass them off to Ellie who takes a look while Tommy uses his rifle which has a scope on it.

“Nah I got a few clickers coming through the trees, look at the large rock coming behind that,” Tommy explains and Ellie moves the binoculars before making a noise having spotted them. She quickly passes it off to you as you take a look taking his note and soon you spot a trio of clickers appear from the treeline. The horrid infected twitches using clicking noises to listen as they stumble around. The crack of a gunshot makes you flinch slightly seeing one of them drop dead. The other two screech and start running around. Another bullet hits the second one in the leg before getting it on the head. The final shot misses seeing the snow shot in the air from the bullet hitting it before a clean headshot ends the event. Seeing Ellie lower the rifle as Tommy pats her shoulder.

“Nice job, just remember to anticipate the drop from a distance,” Tommy reminds the young girl who nods. “There’s a small town nearby that might give you some opportunities to show off.” He directs and you nod. You all return to your horses saddling up before following Tommy through the mountain trails he knows. Soon you find yourself on a ridge looking down at the town.

“Up ahead by the bank a pair of runners,” Tommy directs and you sling your rifle off your shoulder lining up the shot seeing the infected at the bank on the outskirts of the town. You see the pair of clickers twitch moving amongst each other and your finger hovers over the trigger waiting for the moment. One of them moves to walk in front of the other and you pull the trigger. The bullet rips through both clicker’s skulls as they drop dead and you lower your rifle. You look over at both Tommy and Ellie’s shocked expressions.

“Holy shit that was amazing!” Ellie cheers, shaking your shoulder and you cringe in embarrassment. Looking over at Tommy he gives a nod of approval.

“Nice work kid,” He says, and your skin flushes at the compliment, “Looks like a few runners heard. Think you can take care of them?” He asks and you nod, lifting the rifle, racking the bolt back ejecting the empty casing, and racking the next round. You see through your sights four runners burst through the doors of a store stumbling through the street. Your gaze and rifle quickly follow after the one who tries darting away gets a quick bullet in its head quickly racking back the cling of the casing flying out of the chamber. Tracing your sights to the next furthest-away runner and firing the bullet rips through its next, decapitating the head from its body as it falls like a dead weight. Another bullet out of the chamber and without hesitation fires at a runner right through the head. Racking the chamber for a final time following after the last runner who looks to have a limp to their leg. Firing but at the last minute it jerks and the bullet hits its shoulder, not the head. Quickly emptying the chamber and firing again the bullet chases the infected and it hits the doorway of a diner that it enters.

“Shit!” You curse lowering the rifle in frustration. Tommy’s hand rests on your shoulder to ease your tension.

“Hey don’t get too hung up over it,” Tommy says as you keep your gaze stuck on the small town to see if maybe it comes back out when you spot something completely different. You see a scruffy little girl wandering through the streets in practically rags, ice fills your veins as you see them wander into the diner. Swinging your rifle over your shoulder almost hitting Tommy in the face as you rush to Red saddling her quickly.

“Hyah Red!” With a snap of your reins, Red takes off kicking up some snow shocking Tommy and Ellie who quickly mount their horses chasing after you.

“Y/n Stop!” Tommy yells and Ellie yells some pleads for you to stop but you ignore them urging Red to go fast as she races down the ridge to the town leaving them in the dust. Reaching the town, you almost fall off the Red with how fast you try dismounting pulling your revolver out of your holster entering the dinner. Clicking on your flashlight the dinner is silent and quickly abandoned by the outbreak and in the time following afterward. Keeping a firm grip on your gun walking down the path of booths on either side of you checking each one for any sign of life. Turning to the last booth that leads to doorways to the kitchen you see a flash of metal jumping back as you point your gun and the light shines down on the same little girl from before. She is young way too young to be out here alone as she clutches a hunting knife between her tiny hands. Lowering your gun and she gives you a quizzical look.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, kid,” You whisper aware of the possible infected in the building but not in the main dining area. The child shakes her head shrinking further under the table and you reach your hand out pleading to her. “We really need to go ther—”

The screech of infected fills the dinner as the doors beside you burst open comes a runner that tackles you to the groan, your flashlight, and gun clattering to the ground of your grasp. The girl screams as you struggle against the male runner as it snarls and gnashes at you trying to rip your throat out. Your hands dig into his shoulders using all your strength to fight it off you as it thrashes above you not able to grab your gun or the knife at your hip. The runner screeches as you see a flash of metal as the knife embeds into his shoulder seeing the little girl trying to help aid.

“Y/n!” The shout of Ellie and she comes in like a hurricane tackling the infected as your arms snatch the girl holding it away from the sight of Ellie stabbing the runner multiple times in the neck and head until it twitches and stops moving. Ellie pulls off the creature falling back on her ass and leaning against the booth catching her breath as you do the same the little girl shaking in your arms. The rushing footsteps and Tommy bursting in the dinner rifle is raised but quickly lowers it seeing the infected dead and both girls okay though taken out by the encounter.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asks and you nod looking over your hands and arms that were near the infected snapping mouth sighing not seeing any bites.

“I’m clean,” You say in relief before looking down at the girl passed out in your arms, but she looked clean with no bites. You assumed it was exhaustion or the shock that caused her to collapse. “She looks good as well. Thanks for coming in when you did I would have been fucked.” You say as Ellie stands to her feet coming over and offering her hand and you freeze seeing the injury on her hand.

“Ellie…” Your voice is filled with fear as your gaze is locked onto her hand as you scooch away from her and she follows your gaze and on her hand is a bite mark.

“Shit!” Her eyes flash to Tommy but then to you who is slowly reaching for your gun and Tommy realizes it as well. “Wait stop!” Quickly you rise to your feet gun in your free hand still clutching the little girl to your chest.

“You’re infected!” You hiss aiming right at Ellie. Your chest ached with pain you didn’t want it to be her she was so young but she was one of them now.

“No, it’s fine! I swear Y/n put the gun down,” Ellie pleads holding her hands up but you don’t dare to budge.

“Y/n put the gun down,” Tommy orders and your gaze whips over to the older man.

“Tommy she’s fucking bit! There’s nothing we can do about it.” You whisper-yell. You see both Tommy and Ellie give each other looks having a silent conversation. Ellie pulls up her sleeve revealing the chemical burn on her inner forearm and the lineart of the tattoo covering it.

“Y/n this isn’t an accidental burn, I burned myself because I was bitten two years ago but never turned…I’m immune.” She says and you look at the burn and the fresh bite mark on her hand.

“You’re lying. I’ve never met someone immune,” You say before looking at Tommy who doesn't say anything and his face doesn’t show he’s lying or being deceitful. Your face changes from fear and anger to shock as your hold on your gun falters, “You’re…but how?”

“I don’t know…” Ellie says with a shake of her head and a conflicted look, “That’s how I met Joel I was supposed to be brought to the Fireflies. They had plans to make some sort of cure but it didn’t work out. You know what the fireflies were working on but I swear I’m immune, Joel knows, and Tommy and Maria do too.” Her whole explanation is insane and you can’t believe it. Ellie was immune…and that opens a whole other door. Was she and Joel at the hospital when it got attacked all those years ago? Who attacked them? Could she get others infected? Why didn’t making a cure work?

“I know this is a lot to dump on your kid, but here isn’t a good place to talk this out,” Tommy says, his gaze whipping from both the pair of you and the still-open doors of the diner. You all head out trying to find a location to recuperate before returning to Jackson. You ended up finding a car shop that Tommy had gone through to clear out and once deemed safe you all brought the horses into the large garage before entering the store portion and settling in for a bit. About an hour passed, and you and Ellie sat at a table peeling back the bandage seeing there was nothing wrong with it, no veins of infections just looks like a regular bite mark.

“Holy shit…” You mumble looking at the injury, your hand lightly tracing around the clean bite mark and looking at the chemical burns and tattoo both items that cover the true nature of the injury, “So nothing can happen to you, no bites or spores affect you?” You ask and Ellie shakes her head.

“No obviously infected can still kill me by mauling me to death,” She jokes and you smirk slightly, “But I can breathe in spores without any problem though Joel still makes me wear a mask for appearances.” You lean back in your chair, a look of shock still on your face trying to wrap your mind around it.

“Did you see other immune people with the Fireflies? I knew there was word of finding some cure. I didn't know they actually found an immune person. I thought it was just hope and speculation.” You say and see a shift in Ellie’s demeanor from your question.

“Uh it’s a long story but I was asleep the entire time so I didn’t get to talk to other people until I got pulled out of the hospital.” She seems highly uncomfortable with the topic and you let it go. Tommy stands by the doorway his gaze outside the barred windows for any signs of infected or people. A shuffling comes from the small lounge couch that the little girl rests on as she slowly wakes up. You see the stiffening in her body not recognizing her location until her darting eyes land on you.

“Hey…you’re okay kid, we’re not gonna hurt you.” You say and she rises to sit up clutching the hem of the ratty sweater that was probably not keeping her warm, her pants all ripped and patched together and her shoes very broken in. “What’s your name?” You ask and she looks between you, Ellie who gives a friendly smile, and Tommy who looks over the whole situation.

She hesitates for a second before speaking, “Lila,” She whispers and you nod before pointing at yourself,

“I’m Y/n, and this is Ellie and Tommy,” You say while pointing at both of them and she nods slowly understanding. Reaching into your pack you see her tense up. “It’s okay…I just wanted to see if you were hungry while I cleaned you up.” You say pulling out the sandwich that was meant to be yours but it was going to be in better hands and you’ve gone with skipping a meal. Her eyes light up seeing the sandwich before you as you hold it out and she instantly snatches out and starts devouring it. With her fueling up you pull out your canteen and find a dusty rag in one of the cabinets wetting it and start wiping away the dirt and blood from her face. She flinches slightly from the cold but allows you to continue.

“We should head out soon, it’s getting close to sunset and we still have an hour’s ride back to Jackson,” Tommy says as you clean up Lila.

“Lila, did you come here alone or with people?” You ask as Lila wipes the crumbs of the sandwich from her face also having accepted pieces of chocolate that Ellie provided.

“My momma sent me out to find…the stuff to help ouchies,” She says and you see the look Tommy gets hearing this even you were surprised but it was extremely close to home. You remember your mother sending you out with ration cards or errands in the QZ as soon as you were able to walk and talk. “Are you going to take me back to my momma?” Lila asks and you pause in your cleaning. You give Tommy a look unsure what to say.

“Listen, kid, if we run into them then yes. But if not we do have to return home and we’ll try to see after some rest and food in all of us we can find your family.” Tommy says as gently as possible hoping not to set off the kid but she just nods understanding and continues munching on her chocolate.

“Okay!” You finish cleaning her off and freeze when you take in her features that now aren’t covered in blood or dirt, both Ellie and Tommy also notice what you see. Lila looked oddly familiar as both Ellie and Tommy’s gazes dart from you and Lila seeing the similar features though slightly different. Your noses were different, but your hair texture was the same but different hair colors, you had different eye shapes but your eye color was identical. You were silent looking at Lila she looked like a mini you but some things were off or tweaked. It’s as if your mother had another you. She looks at you and tilts her head slightly.

“What’s wrong?” She asks and you quickly stand putting the stuff away in your pack grabbing your rifle that leaned on the table and slinging it over your shoulder.

“We should head back.” You say and just like that Ellie and Tommy can sense the tension coming off you. You all quickly pack up dressing Lila in your coat to give her some extra warmth during the ride home. Entering the garage you climb onto Red and Tommy lifts Lila for you to hold who rests in front of you.

“Horsie!” She claps her hands and you stroke her hair with a soft smile before tightening your grip on the reins. Tommy lifts the garage door open before mounting his horse and the four of you leave the car shop and the leaving the town. The sun begins its descent as you make your trek back to Jackson. It’s about thirty minutes into your trip that you can’t help but feel like you’re being watched as you travel through the forest. Immediately you are surrounded by four other horses with people on them but they don’t look great for wear even the horses look exhausted. Your hand rests on your revolver, while Tommy and Ellie hold their rifles pointed at them as the others have their weapons pointed at them.

“What business you got here?” A man with a cap and bandana around his mouth gruffs, his shotgun pointed at Tommy who keeps a steady hold on his rifle.

“Just passing through, we mean no harm. They’re just children and myself no one else.” Tommy explains trying to ease the high tension. Anything could happen. One wrong move can turn this into a bloodbath. You can see each individual, pausing at a woman who wears a balaclava covering the lower half of her face but you recognize those eyes. Lila squirms seemingly recognizing the group as the woman lowers her mask, both you and Lila saying the same thing.

“Mom..?” “Momma!”

Where the Wild Things Are Tags

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If your name is crossed out tumblr won’t let me tag you for some reason. Sorry :(

[christinamadsen]

Hi, thanks for continuously expanding the story of The General. I like reading it. :) I'm just wondering if you might feel like writing kind of like sci/fi time travel troupe where a woman (willfull and stubborn) from the present gets transported back to ancient Rome and meets Marcus Acacius. How would their dynamics be?

Obsessed with this, genuinely—I started a little something 👀

Not sure if I’ll continue it or make it into something big but I loved the idea of them not even understanding one another.

Hope you enjoy! 💕

(Not beta’d, barely proofread)

—

Warnings; threat of violence, language, shifting POV, plenty of historical inaccuracies I’m sure lol

Pairing; Marcus Acacius x Modern F!reader (time travel shenanigans)

Word count; 1.4k

-

The sigh doesn’t fix anything, but it helps with the frustration. So you let out another one, deeper than the original while you gather your wits. This was Rome, a massive city with millions of tourists trekking through it just like you, surely if they could do it without getting hopelessly lost, you could too.

The ruins were a maze, incredibly easy to get mixed up and turned around in. It was just a matter of retracing your steps and rejoining your group. Easy peasy.

With renewed optimism, you follow the sounds of people ringing through the remnants of the temple, or bathhouse, or gladiatorial training rooms… where the fuck even am I again?

You backtrack through the doorway, turning left into what must have been an antichamber, or dormitory? The mosaic under your feet isn’t familiar and a sense of dread creeps along your spine, should you have turned right? There’s a giant arch in the distance, one you distinctly don’t remember walking through. It doesn’t look as aged as the rest of the structure, most likely preserved when the site was excavated.

Walking through the arch fills you with a foreboding dread, like being dunked in ice water. It leaves you dazed, stumbling into the light of the sun almost drunk. An open door all but manifests and it’s with a relief so great it almost pulls tears from your eyes that you finally exit the building and step into the open air. You cannot help but laugh at yourself, embarrassed by your reaction, by the silly fear of getting lost.

The sun is hotter than you remembered it being when you left the hotel that morning and all at once the desire to explore and take in the culture all but evaporated. Resigned to abandon the tour, you decide to make your way back to the hotel. The new goal, the new prize for the day is a shower and an ungodly amount of pasta.

The road is nowhere to be found. The tourists have disappeared, and have been replaced with what looked to be actors. A fresh horror spreads through your veins, the exit you came out of must have led somewhere you were definitely not supposed to be.

-

He’d been called forth to deal with a strange situation. A woman had somehow infiltrated his camp. He frowned at the news, scoffing at the sentinel who’d brought it to him.

“A woman? Solitary? One woman snuck passed you and made her way into my camp?” He all but sneered at the soldier, anger pulsing in his head to learn that his guards were not as observant as he would have thought, as he trained them to be.

“General, by the Gods, we did not see her. One moment there was no one and then the next she was there, like some apparition.” He seems rattled, Acacius didn’t blame him. A lapse in protection meant death and dishonour. It meant his army was not in the shape it should be. Rome was not safe, not protected.

“Well, what has she to say for herself? What explanation did she provide for her miraculous presence here?”

“We do not know, we cannot understand her.”

He sighs. Anger bleeds into his tone when he orders her brought to him, dismissing the useless soldier in the process.

When they bring her to him, he frowns. Her robes confuse him, the fabric almost painted in the strangest shades, some he’s never even seen. She clutches at a bag, at a strange jar and although her voice is clearly agitated and angry, he cannot understand the words she speaks. Her face is painted, eyes darkened with some sort of kohl, lips shiny with oil and for a moment he thinks she might be one of the women who sold herself.

“Peace, woman.” He puts his hands up and speaks slowly, “I need to know where you come from, and why you are here. What is it you seek?” She twists her face in confusion, anger colouring her voice more still. She screams at him in more words he doesn’t understand until the soldiers that had brought her approach to no doubt silence her. At the sound of their footsteps her eyes widen with what he knows is genuine fear.

“Don’t.” He commands them, and they stop in their tracks. “Leave her with me. Go about your business, and tighten up the borders of this camp.” He sends them away with daggers in his voice.

“But General-what if she attacks?” They hesitate for a moment.

“I can handle her. Go.” They leave, her eyes follow them before turning back to him. She speaks again but he shakes his head.

“What am I to do with you then, hm?”

-

If you had known that you’d land in some insane fucking ancient Roman reenactment, you would have stayed in the hotel.

The older man is really into his role, some high and mighty soldier or general on a power trip or God fucking knows what, holds you in his tent. You try to explain to him calmly and then not so calmly that this is a mistake, that you didn’t mean to crash their party and that you just want to make it back to the hotel. He frowns, and shakes his head with confusion. He responds in his own language, what you imagine is Latin and the frustration floods you once more.

“If you cannot help me, I will leave. I’ll just go back through the stupid building and see if I can catch up with my tour group. If they haven’t already left, God if I missed my shuttle I will lose my fucking mind.” With a sigh you clutch at your bag and turn towards the entrance. You don’t make it three steps before he grabs at your arm, holding you in place with what sounds like a stern warning.

“Listen, I appreciate the realism and everything here, but let go, I need to leave.” You try to shake out of his grip but it’s iron, his big hand tightens enough to hurt.

“You’re hurting me, let me go!” With a growing fear, you try harder until he pulls a knife from a hidden pocket and presses it to your throat. He points to the entrance, to you, and then presses the tip to your neck once more.

You cannot understand his words, but the warning is crystal clear. If you leave, he will kill you.

“Intellego?” You can infer what he must mean, and so you nod. He returns the gesture and puts the knife away. He moves about the tent while you stand there, arms aching from clutching at your things, body trembling with fear and adrenaline at his threat of violence. He continues speaking, his deep, clear voice filling the space while he moves things around and gestures to a giant scroll.

Stuck like a fly in honey, you watch him pointing and talking, half listening while you try to formulate an escape route.

He comes close with a huff, pulling you gently towards his table.

It looks like a map, but it’s not like any map you’ve ever seen.

“What the fuck am I meant to be looking at here?”

He continues speaking, pointing at the map, and then gesturing outside. He points again, at a different spot and then to himself.

“Oh.. okay you’re from here?” He nods, then he takes your hand and puts it on the map, repeating his words and you can assume he’s asking you to point out where you come from.

“Dude I don’t know, this map is wild as hell and about a thousand years out of date from the looks of it.” You move your hand away but he persists, a bulldog with a bone. He takes your hand and puts it on the map, then taps your chest, asking his question once more.

“I’m not on this map!” You tap your chest, and then to the edge of the map, “I’m not here, we’re not on the map yet. Understand?” You gesture again, pointing to an empty edge, and point to yourself.

The look on his face is almost funny, he’s either really committed to his role, or this is the weirdest fucking dream you’ve ever had.

He’s quiet after that, ruminating, studying you with a critical eye and after the day you’ve had you don’t have the patience. You sit in one of the chairs, resigned to endure the ride until you find an opportunity to get off, and away as quickly as you can.

-

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[christinamadsen]

WIP Wednesday! 🐈‍⬛

Figured I’d kick things off.

Joel has a strong stomach, however, the sight of his mangled scrotum is too much for his heart to take. “You gotta do it,” he tells you, urgency in his voice. “I can’t look. He fuckin’ butchered me.”

You unbutton Joel’s jeans and slide them down his thighs, along with his boxers. Joel’s got his head tilted back, palms pressed into his eyes as his tummy rises and falls with panicked breaths.

It’s not bad. Really, it’s not. A few scratches here and there, nothing a little cleanup and some antibiotic ointment can’t fix. You wash his sack gently with a soapy rag, then dab some Neosporin on his skin, doing your best to ignore the sight of Joel’s cock growing at your touch.

Gizmo hops on the couch then, and headbutts Joel’s bicep.

“Get that goddamn cat away from me before I put him through the fuckin’ wall,” Joel seethes.

“Psst, Gizmo. Get down,” you whisper, scratching your fingers on the rug. Gizmo promptly joins you.

“He’s really sorry,” you murmur, still rubbing ointment onto Joel’s balls. “He didn’t mean to, Joel. He must’ve thought—”

Joel holds up a hand to stop you. “Enough. Quit talkin’.”

FULL PRESSURE TAGGING @beefrobeefcal everyone else no pressure @toxicanonymity @covetyou @magpiepills @ovaryacted @joeloverture

[christinamadsen]

Amazing chapter! This is a really christmas love story! 🎄😍

Miller's Christmas Tree Farm

Part two - Mistletoe and wine

Summary: You and Ellie move to the farm and meet a very grumpy Joel for the first time. But his mood does not affect how motivated you are for your new job and living out your Hallmark movie fantasy of living on a dreamy snowy farm. And maybe all this planing and working with the, you have to admit, very handsome grump of a man might lead you to start living out your very own love story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: T

Wordcount: 10k (can you believe that???)

Warnings: no outbreak AU, major Hallmark movie vibes, fluff, working through grief and heartbreak, character death, a lot of Christmas planning, a Husky called Edward (after Edward Cullen), pining, teasing, Ellie and Tommy being menaces, a kiss (or two), some making out, tension, feelings

Co- written with @jennaispunk 💜

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Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist // Miller's Christmas Tree Farm Masterlist

Driving up to the farm felt like something straight out of a Hallmark movie. 

Really. 

A fresh layer of snow covered the ground, big, also snow covered trees lining the long driveway. You could see tiny Christmas trees behind the big ones, most likely already growing for upcoming years, bringing a smile to your face.

Not long after a house came into view. 

„Woah,“ Ellie said from the backseat and you nodded. 

„It’s beautiful,“ you said, slowing down. 

There were four buildings, all in dark red. But the biggest one, the one you were pretty sure was the main house had a wrap around porch. It looked well taken care off, the trees surrounding the house adding to the charm. 

You wondered if there were Christmas lights hung in them and you made a mental note to add some if not. 

With a little money and a lot of work getting this farm back on track would hopefully be easy. 

As you parked your car next to an old truck the door of the house sprung open and you noticed Tommy walking out and towards you. 

„You ready Ellie?“ You asked, turning in your seat to look at her.

She only nodded with a shy smile that you mirrored before you took your seatbelt off and opened the car door.  Tommy pulled your door completely open and you thanked him. 

„I’m happy you made it!“ He said as you turned around to open the door for Ellie. 

„I hope you found everything okay?“ Tommy asked. Nodding you helped Ellie out of the car who looked around in wonder. 

„You must be Ellie,“ Tommy said with a smile, getting down on one knee to meet her at eye level. 

„I’m Tommy,“ he introduced himself and held out his hand which Ellie took with a very serious expression, shaking it twice. 

„Is there always this much snow around?“ She asked and you smiled to yourself. 

„This is actually not even bad. I remember one year we had so much snow you couldn’t see the stairs leading up to the house. Might have broken my arm when I tried to jump from the porch into the snow like into a pool,“ he gestured behind him to where six stairs led up to the porch. With big eyes Ellie looked at you. 

„I wanna do that!“ She said excitedly and you rolled your eyes with a sigh. 

„Nope. No more bone breaking for the foreseeable future please,“ you said, walking over to her to put your arm around her shoulders. She let her head fall against your upper arm. Another year and she’d be able to rest her head on your shoulder. 

It was when you looked up that your eyes caught someone else standing on the porch, his eyes trained on you already. 

Tommy followed and turned his head around when he noticed you looking over his shoulder. When Tommy turned his head to look back at you he took a deep breath. 

„And this is my brother Joel. He’s the boss. I promise he’s not as grumpy as he looks,“ he said with a wink to Ellie and she snorted. 

After a moment the man, Joel, made his way down the stairs and towards you. He was taller than Tommy. And broader. He was wearing a brown coat, his hands covered by thick leather gloves. 

His dark hair was hidden beneath a knitted hat, his face, while grumpy, was rather handsome. A salt and pepper beard that looked somewhat trimmed covered his lower face everywhere, all but on a spot on his left cheek. 

But it was his eyes that spoke to you the most. Brown eyes that seemed to say a million things at once as he looked at you. 

His expression was rather grim but as he looked at Ellie standing next to you his eyes softened. At least you thought so as he attempted a smile. 

„I like grumpy people. They usually don’t take any shit just like I do,“ Ellie said proudly and your eyes widened. 

„Language!“ You hissed and she looked at you with a sheepish expression. When you looked back at Joel he had a strange expression before he blinked himself out of it, 

„I’m Joel,“ he gave a single wave and you introduced yourself before doing the same with Ellie. 

„So you are the person my brother can‘t shut up about huh?“ he asked and you hummed. 

„Just trying to help get your business back on track,“ you said and his gaze was fixed on you as if he was trying to figure you out. 

„Just for a place to stay out in the middle of nowhere with two guys you know nothing about,“ he narrowed his eyes and you started to get pissed off. 

„People talk, so I think I know enough about you to be sure that you are not an axe murderer,“ you challenged him, getting worked up, only interrupted by Tommy who cleared his throat. With wide eyes you looked at him and then at Ellie who was looking up at you with a mix of fear and awe.

„Now that that‘s settled I am gonna show you were you will stay while you are with us,“ Tommy said, already walking around your car to get you suitcases out. 

„Little help?“ he called over his shoulder towards his brother, but Joel had already turned his back towards you and was walking towards the barn. 

Joel leaned against the closed barn door after he made it inside and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He should have been a little nicer, you were here to help, but he wasn’t a man who accepted help easily. He was always the one the one who took care of things, got Tommy out of every jam he’d gotten himself into. He was the one who was supposed to fix things and it killed him that he was failing at this. He opened the barn door a crack, watching Tommy walk you and Ellie to your new place. A crooked smile crossed his lips as he watched you take a suitcase from Tommy as he opened the front door. 

Tommy had failed to mention you were so pretty. Bastard. 

You looked down at Ellie before you sighed. 

„Are you sure he‘s not an axe murderer?“ she asked in a loud whisper, making you and Tommy chuckle. 

„He‘s not. Though when he’s had a beer too many he sure sounds like chain saw at night. He‘s… He‘s gonna come around,“ Tommy said as he grabbed two of your suitcases. Ellie ran over to him and grabbed her box of painting supplies. 

„I hope he will,“ you mumbled as you picked up another suitcase and followed Tommy and Ellie towards the house.

You were running your fingers through Edward Cullen‘s fur, iPad in your lap as you worked on your plan for the next six weeks.

It was day three of your stay at the Miller‘s farm and you had not really talked to Joel since your arrival. You had seen him in passing, the scowl always on his face as he gave you a curt nod before he disappeared. 

You and Ellie had settled into your new little apartment. 

It was big enough for the both of you and had running water. Tommy said that him and Joel had decided that they would set up a new kitchen if things went okay and you decided to stay her permanently. 

Or if Joel hadn‘t made you run away by then. 

Tommy told you that you were more than welcome to use the kitchen of the main house and that was more than okay for you. And definitely for Tommy because while he loved to eat, you loved to cook. 

It had been some time since you had more than just you and Ellie to cook for and you took full advantage of the big farmhouse kitchen that was in the main house.

Ellie had begged you to go out with Tommy in his snow mobile when he had to check on some things on the property after at least fifteen inches of snow had come down last night. You made her promise to listen to everything Tommy said after you checked in with him if it was okay. 

As you watched them leave, playfully fighting each other until they were inside the snow mobile, both laughing loudly, you just knew that these both would be trouble in the future. 

There was something in his eyes as he told you that he missed having someone around who was actually excited to spend time with him and he promised you he would take care of Ellie like she was family.

Joel was out, which was why you had decided to lounge in a cozy armchair in front of the fire place in the main house (of course after making sure it would be okay). Tommy had told you that Joel would most likely be out until the evening and even if he was home earlier it would still be okay. 

You and Ellie had explored around the farm over the last two days and you pretty much fell in love with the place right away. 

It only needed a little help to bring the magic back and you had several ideas on how to accomplish that. Even apart from Christmas you had ideas, but December was fast approaching so these events would have to be planned first. 

You already checked in with Tommy for some logistics such as the snow maze you wanted to set up and he told you it should not be a problem. There was plenty of snow around after all. 

Your plan involved three different events every weekend leading up to Christmas and a big Christmas Ball / Party on Christmas Eve. 

The budget would be tight, but you had already checked out some local vendors you wanted to contact who could be part of the events. Such as the bakery and coffee house for drinks and food.

You were focused on writing down the last couple of ideas when Edward‘s head snapped up and he began to impatiently whine before he ran away from you and towards the door. 

You were about to check if someone was at the door when said door opened and Joel walked in. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts as he leaned down to pat Edwards head, following the dog who immediately trotted back to you to snuggle back against you.

Joel arched his brow, not expecting to find you in the main house. He’d been avoiding you as much as possible, trying to keep your interactions to a minimum, mostly because every moment he spent with you he found himself liking you more. He found himself drawn to the easy way you joked and laughed with Tommy, he was almost a little jealous of how the two of you interacted. He saw how patient and gentle you were with Ellie. Your joy was infectious and he even caught himself smiling when he thought of something you said or the was you would sass him when you thought he was out of line. You made him feel things he thought he’d buried long ago. 

And he hope you hadn’t caught him starring at you yet, because somehow his eyes seemed to follow you whenever you were around. 

You gulped, suddenly a little nervous. 

„Uhm… Tommy said it was okay to stay here cause you were out. The WIFI up here is better. But I can leave if you….“

He interrupted you as he shook his head.

„Stay,“ he said and the surprise was clearly written on your face as he added a whispered „Please.“

You nodded slowly at him and he nodded back before he turned around and began to take off his coat and shoes. 

Meanwhile you got back to your list, counting through the last numbers of what this all would cost and how much it could bring in. You did not know how much in debt the farm was, but Tommy told you they‘d need a small miracle so they wouldn‘t have to sell parts of the land or the whole place.

„Do you want some coffee?“ you heard Joel asked and looked up, finding him standing in the doorway. He seemed to have changed into some sweatpants and a black shirt and his hair seemed to be still wet. 

Your eyes lingered on his broad arms for a moment too long before you furrowed your brows, looking at the time. 

„It‘s almost 4pm. If I drink one now I won‘t be able to sleep,“ you said and he huffed a laugh. 

„Tea?“ he asked again and you found yourself nodding at him. 

„Which one?“ he asked as he walked back towards the kitchen. 

„Surprise me?“ you called after him, a little confused that he seemed to suddenly talk to you. For some reason you found yourself turning on the front camera of your iPad to check you appearance. 

It was a couple minutes later when you heard his footsteps again. He walked into the room two mugs in his hands. 

„I hope you like apple tea. It‘s apparently the only one we got,“ he shrugged as he sat the mug down on the small table in front of you. 

„Thanks,“ you said, somehow nervous.

Joel lingered as if unsure what to do as he took a sip from his mug. 

„Uhm I wanted to apologise how our fist meeting went. I‘m…. Obviously not the best with people,“ he said, one of his hands rubbing over the back of his neck. 

„Oh,“ you said dumbly, blinking up at him. 

You might have missed the short moment the right side of his lips lifted as if he wanted to smile if you had looked away. 

„Yeah,“ he said with a sigh, letting his gaze wander through the room before he was looking at you and then his dog laying with his head in his lap. 

„Edward seems to make up for my shitty behaviour,“ and there it was finally, a small smile from Joel Miller.

„He‘s a good dog,“ you said, stroking him behind his ears. 

„Why Edward Cullen though?“ Tommy had told you about the name but said to ask Joel if you wanted to know more. 

Joel took a deep breath before he sat down on the couch next to you. 

„My daughter named him,“ he said quietly and you nodded slowly, knowing a little about what happened to her. 

„Thought it was funny cause she could made me yell after Edward Cullen in the woods every single time,“ he smiled to himself, his eyes unfocused, probably deep in a memory he was replaying in his mind. 

„She seemed like a funny girl,“ you said softly and he looked up at you. 

„She was,“ he whispered and you somehow got the impression that he did not want to talk any more about her. 

So you took a deep breath. 

„Do you… want to hear about the ideas I have for the farm?“ you asked slowly. 

„You got one?“ 

„I have several and I have answers for all your questions,“ you pursed your lips, challenge in your eyes. 

„Well now I wanna hear em,“ he said as he slipped closer to you so he could see what you had written. 

„How much more fucking snow do we need?“ you heard Joel yell from where he was sitting up in the tractor. 

Much to your surprise he had agreed to almost all of your ideas.

You just had to lower the budget because he had admitted that he did not have enough to cover all the new lights you had suggested. But much to your surprise he had shown you the whole basement of the barn full of boxes of Christmas decoration. 

You were already excited to get through them with Ellie when she got back from school this afternoon. 

But now you were across the barn, Tommy and Joel both in the tractors as they shovelled snow into what would later become the snow maze. You had already contacted a local catering service who had food trucks and they agreed to set up one of their coffee and sweets trucks here free of charge until Christmas. One of their workers would be there every day to take care of what you hoped would be a lot of customers. 

„Enough snow for a maze? Maybe I shouldn‘t have let Ellie plan it,“ you said to yourself, doubt creeping into your mind as you looked down at the plan. 

She didn‘t know that the maze you asked her to paint would be the plan of the actual maze that would get set up behind the barn for the whole of December. You thought it would be a great way to have some income over the whole week. It would be open daily between 4 pm - 7 pm and costs $5 per person. 

Joel had agreed right away, thinking that this idea was the one that cost him almost nothing but some work to build the maze.

„I like her plan. Except for the killer snowman in the middle. Don‘t think we can build one of those,“ Tommy yelled as he shovelled more snow.

„Oh I don‘t know. That was the best part of it,“ you grinned. 

„We just put Joel in the middle of the maze every morning and hide his coffee. Boom, Killer Snowman,“ Tommy teased and you tried to hide your smile as you heard Joel yell „I heard that.“

You left towards lunch time to pick up Ellie from school and go to the local library to print out a bunch of the flyers you had put together. You had already send message around and asked almost all the local vendors it they would hang them up and all of them agreed. You also had received quite a lot of feedback in your search for vendors who would like to join the events every week to get some exposure. 

Everything was coming together much easier than you anticipated. You weren’t used to such small towns where everyone seemed to have everyone’s back.

But the biggest surprise had been Joel.

It had only been four days since you had your talk and he had already offered some additional ideas for the events. He also had started to have a mug of tea ready for you every morning when he knew you arrived back from getting Ellie to school. 

Something that left you with a warm feeling every time you thought about it. And about him too. 

It wasn‘t that he had changed completely. He still had what you would call a resting bitch face throughout the day but there was something flickering behind this… facade he put on. 

Because somehow you imagined that there was a completely different Joel somewhere hiding in this big, very attractive, grump of a man.

Joel was fucked. 

He was so fucked and he did not now how to get out of not being fucked. 

Because the reason he was fucked was living in the apartment he had set up many years ago to rent it out as an Airbnb. You and your daughter were living there and somehow from the first moment he had seen you he knew that spending time with you would get dangerous for the lonely life he had been living since Sarah passed.

Since he hid away all the parts of himself that could still get hurt even after all the shit he went through. 

He thought he could be… content for the rest of his life, living alone on his farm until one day he would just… die alone. Tommy would marry his girlfriend Maria and move away because he wouldn‘t be able to take Joel being the rock that held him back from living his life. 

But ever since you showed up, he found himself asking more often if maybe, just maybe he should try again. Try not to be just content with life, but to try to be happy. 

He could be happy with you, maybe. 

Sure, he would have to get to know you properly which would involve him actually talking more than two sentences to you, but he could do that. Somehow. 

He just wasn’t sure how, because every time he looked at you it was like someone pushed the stop button inside his brain and once he finally found some words, you were gone. 

„She likes raspberry tea the most,“ he was startled as Ellie leaned on the porch next to him, a small grin on her lips. Her face was flushed from playing in the halfway build snow maze with Tommy.

„Huh?“

„My mom. Her favourite tea is raspberry. Or if you rather make coffee buy caramel sweetener. She loves that too,“ Ellie said and he frowned before he looked up again, catching you inside his kitchen, making dinner. 

„Why would I want to know her favourite tea or coffee?“ he asked and saw Ellie roll her eyes. 

„Cause you keep looking at her all the time without talking to her,“ she said. 

„I do?“ he asked, surprised at being caught by a nine year old. 

„Duh. Even Tommy noticed,“ she said, before she turned around to walk inside, stopping at the door to turn back around to him. 

„Just… Don‘t be a dick. Cause I might be a kid but my dad was a dick to her and I don‘t want to ever see her cry because of…. I want her to be happy, okay?“

„Okay,“ Joel frowned. 

„And I like you dude. Even though you look like someone stole Christmas from you most of the time so…. Anyway,“ she mumbled before she opened the door and ran inside. 

He could still hear you scold Ellie for keeping her shoes on when he turned around towards his brother who was walking up the stairs. 

„You heard all of that, huh?“ Joel asked with a sigh. 

„Yep,“ Tommy grinned. 

„Didn’t think I would ever get scolded by a nine year old,“ Joel hummed. 

„Again. You thought you would never get scolded by a nine year old again,“ Tommy said and Joel sighed. 

„You like her?“ Tommy asked and Joel rubbed his hand over his face. 

„Cause she‘s kinda awesome. And Ellie too.“

„Yeah. They’re both pretty damn special,“ Joel agreed.

„So get her her favourite tea and some sweetener and start talking to her. Can‘t make a worse impression than you already did,“ Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. 

But Tommy let go of teasing his older brother. For now. 

„Ready for homemade dinner?“ Tommy asked, already rubbing his hands. 

„I‘ll kill you if you try anything funny,“ Joel warned, hearing Tommy laugh as he walked inside, ignoring Joel completely. 

Weekend 1 - Snow man building contest

The week leading up to the first competition was long and exhausting. But looking around now into the little winter wonderland you all had made, you were proud. Joel and Tommy had gotten some people together the day before to help decorating the rest of the farm and set everything up. 

You all had a blast decorating the whole farm with the endless pieces of decoration that had been stored in the basement. 

Joel had even opened up a little more towards you as you tested the lights the day before, telling you that celebrating Christmas was hard for him because it reminded him of everyone that he lost in the last years. 

The vendors had arrived earlier this morning and were already setting up. 

You had three different food trucks and a bunch of vendors selling self-made crafts and art. 

With the snow maze opening four days ago word had gotten around even quicker that Miller‘s farm had a lot happening in the next weeks and people were curious. 

You hoped a lot of people would show up tonight to join the competition and of course, to buy Christmas trees. 

„You look nervous,“ Tommy said as he came to stand next to you on the porch. 

„Me? Nooo. I‘m totally fine and not nervous about all of this being for nothing when no one shows up and your brother ends up hating me even more,“ you gave a humourless laugh.

„He still not talking to you?“ Tommy asked and you sighed. 

„He‘s not not talking to me. It‘s just…. It feels like he‘s forcing himself to talk to me for some reason. But then he‘s making me a drink every morning and somehow he even figured out my favourites. He‘s so…. Frustrating,“ you sighed and Tommy chuckled. 

„Seems to me like the two of you need to spend more time together.“

„Why? He‘s technically my boss.“

„Have you ever signed a contract?“ Tommy asked with a small grin and your eyes widened. 

„Oh my god I didn‘t. What is wrong with me?“ you asked yourself while Tommy chuckled. 

„I won‘t answer that question. But I do have an idea on how to get Joel to talk to you,“ he grinned and the way he grinned let you narrow your eyes. 

„And what genius Idea is that?“ you asked.

„How do you feel about building a snow man?“

„Thank you all for coming out tonight! We are about to start the contest part of this day so you can all back to enjoying the mulled wine Martia sells over there," Tommy grinned, nose already a little read from the second mulled wine he had, megaphone in hand as he took over hosting the competition. 

You were kind of overwhelmed with how many people had shown up. And not only for the contest you were hosting, but according to Joel they had sold as many Christmas trees today as in the whole last season combined. 

„We have eight teams, and I wanna see eight snow men. The winner gets the right to brag about it and a gift card from the best restaurant in town!“ Tommy continued to explain. Looking up at Joel who was standing next to you, you felt nervous. Not because you had been surprised by participating in the contest yourself, but because it was Joel who you had been partnered with. 

Your first choice of course had been Ellie, but she had begged you to let her and her new friends play in the snow maze. And you couldn’t just say no to her big brown eyes.

Joel seemed reluctant at first to participate at all, but after a little talk with Tommy he agreed. You wondered if he would have still agreed if he knew that Tommy bet 10$ with you to build a grumpy snowman that could be mistaken for his brother. 

„Ready to build the worlds best snowman?“ He asked you as Tommy yelled down a countdown. 

„You bet your ass, Miller,“ you winked, hearing him chuckle. 

So you might have underestimated the competitiveness of Joel Miller. 

As soon as Tommy yelled start he was on his knees, his big, glove covered hands gathering snow to start on the base for the snowman. 

„So I have a confession to make," you said, putting more snow on the middle part of the snowman while Joel already worked on forming a head. 

„Huh?“ Joel asked, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. 

„I have never build a snowman ever before,“ you said, patting the snow on. 

Joel’s eyes moved to look at you and he gave you a small smile that showed his dimple. 

„Would it be rude to say, I thought so?“ He said and your mouth dropped open in mock shock. 

„Kind of, but then again, rude is your reputation,“ you chuckled.

He hummed, still working on the snowman. You caught Tommy’s eyes on you as you let your gaze wander around. 

„Guess I have to work on being nicer,“ Joel said and you looked at him. 

„To everyone?“ You asked and he stopped working to look at you, before he shook his head. 

„Nah. I worked hard on my reputation. But I’d like to be nicer to the people I am living with. Like Tommy and Ellie…. And you,“ he said and you found yourself grinning up at him. 

„Yeah?“ you asked and he nodded. 

„And because I’m gonna start right now, I am going to nicely tell you to stop ruining this snowman and let me do the work,“ he said and you found yourself huffing a laugh.

With crossed arms you were standing in front of the Snowman Joel build and you decorated. Ellie was standing next to you and Joel as you watched the judges check out your snowman. 

„So… whose Idea was to build a Joel snowman?“ Ellie asked and you sucked both your lips between your teeth to keep yourself from laughing as Joel looked at Ellie.

"What do you mean?“ He asked, confused. 

„Flannel, crooked carrot nose, even the mouth looks like it's frowning. That's one hundred percent a Joel snowman,“ she said and you could feel Joel's eyes on your while you tried to appear busy looking at the Christmas lights you had put up yesterday.

When you couldn't take it anymore you finally looked up at Joel whose eyes were narrowed on you. 

Just when he was about to say something Tommy stepped back with his megaphone, telling everyone that we had a winner. 

And when he announced that Joel, the snowman was the winner of this competition you found yourself in the arms of Joel Miller for the first time, in a hug that not only you would remember for a long time.

Weekend 2 - Scavenger hunt 

The snow maze and snow man building competition was a huge hit, even more than you had anticipated. You expected it might take people a bit to start coming out to the farm, but they showed up in droves; families, groups of teenagers, and even the mayor came out! 

With the snowman building competition out of the way, you focused your attention on the next event: a scavenger hunt. Everything was was ready to go, all you needed was to go into town and pick up the worksheets for the hunt. You carefully selected places around the farm that the hunters would take pictures, answer riddles or pick up a token and the winner received 25 percent of a tree and some handmade ornaments of their choosing from one of the vendors. Joel had initially fought the tree discount but you and Tommy wore him down and he eventually gave in. 

“Ellie, I have to get to the printers. Hurry up!”

Ellie was running around with Edward. The two of them had really bonded and it was nice to see Ellie laughing and playing like a kid again and you suspected Edward loved having a kid to play with again too. You watched as she ran with a stick in her hand, Edward chasing after her barking and jumping.

“Do I gotta?” Ellie whined. “Edward and I just started playing.”

They’d been playing for the last thirty minutes but you weren’t about to argue that point with a nine year old. Before you could open your mouth to repeat yourself, Tommy walked up. 

“Let her stay here and play with the dog. I’ll keep my eye on her.”

Joel came stalking out of the barn, wiping his hands with a handkerchief. He made his way over to you and Tommy as he tucked the fabric into his back pocket. 

“The spark plugs are bad on the goddamn tractor.” he grumbled. “Gotta head into town.”

Tommy’s brows arched to the sky as the corners of his lips curled into a shit eating grin. 

“Well, ain’t that funny?” His eyes dart to you. 

“You gotta go into town too, don’t ya? Y’all should ride together. Save gas.”

You shoot daggers at Tommy. Ever since the two of you built that snowman, he’s tried to push you and Joel together. Tommy’s efforts had only led to awkward moments between you and Joel, neither one of you sure how to navigate whatever was happening between you. 

If looks could kill, Tommy would be dead. Joel resisted the urge to reach out and wring Tommy’s neck. His little brother never knew when to quit, he was like a dog with a bone when he was up to something. Joel’s breath lingered like a cloud in the chilly air. You made him nervous, like a teenage boy with his first crush. This was his chance to get you alone without Tommy or Ellie butting in, the one thing he longed for and dreaded at the same time. He needed to get his head out of his ass and just talk to you, it shouldn’t be that hard. 

You turn your attention to Joel. The worry lines on his brow run deep, it’s almost like he’s fighting with himself. His right hand clenches into a fist and then relaxes.

“You don’t have-“ 

You’re trying to give Joel an out. The tension is rolling of him and the last thing you want is an uncomfortable trip into town. 

“It’s fine.” Joel interrupted. The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. “The print shop is on the way to the hardware store. No sense in both of us driving into town.”

That was a surprise. You half expected him to come up with a reason that you couldn’t ride together. 

Your eyes dart to Tommy. He’s grinning like the cat who caught the canary and you want to smack him and hug him at the same time. You bet Joel feels the same way about his brother too. 

“You sure about keeping an eye on Ellie?”

“I’m sure.” he answered with a wink. 

“Thanks.”

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to get Joel to really talk to you, to understand him better. 

“If she gets bored, I’ll put her to work.” Tommy teased. 

Ellie playfully sticks her tongue out at Tommy but he just laughs. 

“Ellie!” you scold. 

You sigh. You’re really not that upset with her but sometimes she needs to remember that she’s just a kid. 

“Just be good for Tommy, okay?”

“We’ll be fine, mom.” Ellie huffed.

She grabs Tommy’s hand, pulling him away from you and Joel. 

“Come on, I wanna show you the new trick I taught Edward.”

Joel opens the passenger door for you and gently holds your elbow as you host yourself up, his mama taught him to be a gentleman. He feels you tense up for a brief moment but he stays silent. The last thing he wants to do is make this any more awkward than it already was. He climbs into the cab and looks over at you to make sure you buckled your seatbelt, something he would always do every time Sarah got in the truck with him. The truck roars to life and he puts it in gear. 

You glance out the window as you move down the driveway. Ellie is laughing as Edward leaps into the air and catches the ball midair. You bite your bottom lip and lightly tap your fingers against your thigh. It’s not that you don’t trust Tommy but ever since Ellie’s accident you’ve had a hard time leaving her with anyone. 

For several minutes, the silence hangs between you. Joel drums his fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally glancing over at you. He can see how tense you are. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand and clears his throat. 

“She’ll be fine.” He drawled. “Tommy’ll take good care of her.”

He pauses for a few beats before continuing.

“He was always the best uncle to Sarah.” 

He speaks so softly that you barely heard him. Was this really happening? Was Joel finally opening up to you? You turn your head to look at him and swallow hard. Part of you was screaming at you to let it go, let Joel open up at his own pace but the more impulsive side of you won out. 

“Did they…spend a lot of time together?” you asked quietly. 

Joel is quiet for a few moments. The muscles of his jaw twitch as he remembers. He hasn’t talked about Sarah to anyone but Tommy in a very long time. Even with Tommy, it was hard to talk about her most of the time. Talking about Sarah meant that he had to acknowledge that she was gone and he couldn’t save her.

“Yeah, all we had was each other.” he answered softly. “Sarah’s mom and I split when Sarah was just a baby and Tommy really stepped up even though he was still a kid himself. He’d play dolls with her and he’d come over for tea parties…”

His voice cracked as he trailed off and your heart broke for him. Almost losing Ellie nearly broke you, you couldn’t imagine what losing her would have done to you.You lift your hand to cover his on the center console and then pull it back. You’re not sure if touching him would just make it worse and you let your hand drop back into your lap.

When he doesn’t say anything more, you sigh. It’s time to change the subject, getting him talking about something, anything less painful. Sarah was a subject the two of you could discuss later. You rack your brain to come up with a safe topic, but you’ve got nothing and the silence grows. 

Joel cards his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t meant to get into such a deep conversation with you and get emotional. He can’t even guess what you must be thinking right now. He could see you struggling out of the corner of his eye and he knew he had to keep this whole thing derailing before it even started. He reaches over and turns on the radio. A country tune flows quietly through the speakers. 

Even though the music isn’t loud, you immediately recognise the tune as one of your favourites. Without a second thought, you reach over and turn up the volume a bit and quietly sing along. You catch Joel softly drumming on the steering wheel along with the song and you smile. Music. That’s a safe topic. 

When the song ends, you lower the volume on the radio. You’re feeling confident that you can get Joel talking again. 

“You like that song, too?” 

Joel turns his head toward you for a brief moment, a shy crooked smile on his lips. 

“It’s one of my favourites.”

Back at the farm, Tommy watches over Ellie as she plays with Edward. 

“Hey, kid!”

Ellie jogs over to Tommy with Edward loping behind. She stops in front of him, panting softly, her cheeks rosy from the cold. 

“What’s up?”

“I gotta plan to get your mom and Joel together but I’m gonna need your help. You in?” he asked. 

Ellie’s eyes light up. She just wants her mom to be happy. 

“I’m in.”

You make your stops at the hardware store and the print shop and head back toward the farm. You even talk Joel into picking up dinner from the diner on the way home. The two of you are talking, really talking, without any of the awkwardness that marred most of your previous conversations. Joel loves music just as much as you do and the two of you discuss your favourite songs and artists. 

The drive back to the farm flies by and before you knew it, Joel was pulling in the driveway. And that’s when he dropped the bomb on you that he played guitar. Your jaw dropped as he uttered those words. You couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to sit with Joel by the fireplace as he played for you. 

“Maybe you could play for me sometime?” 

“Maybe.”

The first few contestants begin to filter in and you take a deep breath. The snowman building competition was a huge success, why wouldn’t this be? You hope you haven’t  make any of the clues too difficult; the idea was for this to be fun and get people exploring the farm. Once everyone had their sheets, you sent them out onto the farm with a time limit of 90 minutes. You had a great turn out, your sign up sheet had filled up within a week. The steady stream of people coming in to buy trees snapped you from your worry about the scavenger hunt. A couple with the cutest little girl came in, asking about a tree. The little girl reminded you of Ellie at that age, so curious and wide eyed. 

Joel watched as you helped the couple. You just had a way with people. Your smile was effortless; he was sure you could charm the pants off Ebenezer Scrooge himself. Hell, you managed to soften him up. The way you interacted with that little girl took his breath away; you were so gentle and patient. You laughed at something the little girl said and his heart fluttered in his chest. That was a sound he could get used to hearing. 

“Earth to Joel.”

Ellie stood in front of Joel, waving her little hands. 

He shook his head and looked down at Ellie. His cheeks flushed at being caught staring at you. 

“What…what do ya need, kiddo?” he asked 

Ellie smirked at him. 

“Tommy needs your help with a tree.”

“Sure.” 

Joel glanced your way one last time before walking toward the truck.

You checked your watch for the tenth time in the last few minutes, you expected the participants back any minute now. Two younger men came barreling toward you at a dead run. As they got closer you recognised them, they had arrived together with their wives and playfully trash-talked to each other while they waited for the scavenger hunt to start. You giggled as they bumped into each other and slid on the snow. 

The blond one got to you a hair before his buddy; it looked as though you had a winner. You collected his tokens and checked the photos as the rest if the participants trickled in. 

“On behalf of the Miller brothers, I want to thank everyone for coming out today. Your support is greatly appreciated and we all look forward to seeing you next weekend for the tree cutting competition. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.” 

You announce the winner to the crowd and steer the winning couple toward Tommy and Joel. 

“Don’t forget, we’re having a Christmas Eve barn dance and we’d love to see you all there.”

You wave to the winning couple as they pull away with their new Christmas Tree tied to their roof. Tommy waves too but Joel stands there with his hands shoved in his pockets and you not so gently elbow him in the ribs. You hear the air rush from his lungs and stifle a giggle but he raises an arm and waves. 

Joel rubs his side as the car rolls out of sight. He should have known that you would call him out but he can’t bring himself to be mad about it. He likes that you aren’t afraid to stand up to him, it makes things interesting. 

“I can’t believe I discounted a tree that much.” he grumbled as the three of you walk toward the main house. 

“Oh, quit complaining.” you told him, playfully rolling your eyes. “I’m making your favourite for dinner to make it up to you.”

All throughout dinner you notice Ellie glancing at Tommy. She has that look in her eye that tells you she’s up to something, but you don’t have a clue as to what it could be. Tommy, for the most part, is his normal self and you just brush it off as Christmas excitement. 

You push yourself away from the table and begin clearing the dishes. Joel immediately gets up and starts grabbing plates. 

“Let me help you with those.” he offered. 

You smile and nod before turning toward the kitchen. Tommy and Ellie’s eyes go wide each time you or Joel pass through the door way. After the third time, you stop in the doorway and glare at them. Joel stopped in the doorway when he saw the look on your face. 

“What’s up with the two of you tonight?” You asked. 

Tommy does his best to look confused and innocent. You glance over at Ellie as she tries to stifle her giggles. 

“What do ya mean?” Tommy answered.

You sigh and put your hand on your hip. You know something is going on and you’re not going to let it go until you get an answer. 

“What do I mean?” you ask. “I mean this.”

You gesture between the two of them. 

“The two of you are up to something….out with it.”

The tone of your voice leaves no room for argument. You’re using your ‘mom’ voice now. Ellie knows from experience that you’re not messing around and she looks down at the table. 

Tommy, on the other hand, is not so easily cowed. He stares at you for a moment, the corner of his lips curling into a smile. 

“Look up.” Tommy said. 

You and Joel raise your eyes and see mistletoe hanging from the header. It’s feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. Your cheeks burn as your eyes meet Joel’s and he chuckles nervously. 

“Now you have to kiss!” Ellie squeals before dissolving in a fit of laughter. 

You take a breath and smile at Joel. It’s just a kiss, right? People do it all the time. It doesn’t have to mean anything, except for the fact that you want it to mean something. 

You tilt your chin and and brush your lips across Joel’s bearded cheek. There, you did it. You kissed Joel and now everyone can go on with their lives. 

“Happy?”

You level your gaze at Tommy. This was his idea, you’re sure of it. 

Tommy smirks at you, enjoying your discomfort. He’s probably going to get an ear full later, but it’ll be worth it. 

“Doesn’t count.” he tells you. 

“Doesn’t count?” you shoot back, your voice slightly rising in pitch. 

“It doesn’t count.” he repeats. “It has to be on the lips or it doesn’t count.”

Your jaw dropped. You could kill Tommy right now. It would be embarrassing enough to kiss for your first kiss with Joel to be in front of his brother but your daughter is here too. You imagined your first kiss would be different…and in private. 

“Yeah.” Ellie piped in. “It’s like the law or something.”

Joel watches the whole exchange barely suppressing a smile. He should be pissed that Tommy set the two of you up like this, but he’s not. He’s been looking for an excuse to kiss you since he met you and his brother just gave him one. He wraps one arm around your waist and slowly pulls you closer. 

“They want a show, darlin’.” he rasped. “Let’s give ‘em one.” 

His soft lips met yours and the rest of the world melted away. You raised up on your toes as your left had gripped his flannel shirt. His lips parted to suck in your lower lip, his beard lightly scraping your chin. He held the kiss for a few moments and the pulled away, leaving you both a little breathless. 

“Oooooooh!” Ellie exclaimed. 

The heels of your shoes hit the floor with a soft thud and you let go of his shirt. Did that really just happen? It wasn’t much of a kiss, as far as kisses go. It was like a kiss you’d see at a wedding ceremony, tame and a bit chaste but it would be seared in your minds for a long time after tonight. 

It was only later, once you and Ellie made your way back towards your apartment that you noticed the many mistletoes that definitely hadn't been there earlier today hanging everywhere throughout the house and porch and you found yourself smiling at Tommy’s and Ellie's meddling. 

Weekend 3 - Tree cut competition

For some reason, you kept spacing out throughout the days leading up to you final competition. Of course you’d say it's because of all the planing you have to do for the final dance and fundraiser.

But you know it's because of Joel. 

Joel and how his hands held you. Joel and his soft brown eyes as he looked down at you under the mistletoe.

Joel and his lips as he kissed you. 

It was just one kiss. One kiss the two of you hadn’t talked about since it happened, but you found yourself wishing more and more that there would be more.

More kisses. 

More touching.

More…..

"Daydreaming again?“ you jumped when you heard Tommy's voice next to you. You were standing at the kitchen window, looking out over the fields that were covered by yet another fresh layer of snow. 

"Huh?" you asked, looking at the grinning younger Miller brother. 

„Nothing. Nothing. I have a favour to ask,“ he said and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, raising one eyebrow.

„Need more help from my daughter to hang up more mistletoes?“ You asked, seemingly annoyed, but not really. 

„Nope. Our decoration work is done for now. Actually I wanted to ask if you could bring Joel his lunch on your way to pick up Ellie from school. He’s working on the far end of the farm today and I have customers all morning. He’s cutting down more trees for this weekend," he said and you hummed. 

„You want me to bring Joel lunch?“ You asked again, and he nodded. 

„Okay," you shrugged, before turning away from him. Clearly he anticipated some kind of argument, finding him looking at you with his lips parted in surprise when you looked back at him. 

"What?" you asked, seemingly unbothered.

„Uh.... Nothing. I’ll…. I’ll get to the front then,“ he mumbled. 

„Right. Because there are customers," you nodded and he nodded back, turning around to walk out. 

„Jep. Lots of customers,“ he said, disappearing out of the kitchen as you smiled to yourself, before you went over to the fridge to prepare a sandwich for Joel. 

You were thankful that thanks to almost getting lost in the woods on the farm at the beginning of your stay here, Tommy and Joel had insisted you’d share your location with them when you were on the farm and vice versa. 

It was how you were able to find out exactly were Joel was working today. Driving the old truck carefully through the snow you followed your phone, Joel’s location getting closer and closer until you could see his truck parked next to a big tree. 

Parking your car you grabbed the sandwich and the thermos of hot coffee you had prepared for him when you stepped out of the car. He could’t be too far away now. 

Following the trail his boots must have made when he arrived you walked in between fully grown Christmas trees, some already cut down and packed ready to transport them back closer towards the farm when you spotted him. 

He had taken his warm coat off, only wearing his green flannel, sleeves rolled back over his elbows as he swung the axe to cut down a tree. 

For a moment time seemed to stop as you watched this… manly man use all his strength to cut down a tree. Suddenly feeling hot as you watched a line of sweat roll down his temple you didn’t watch were you're going, your feet missing something lying on the ground, eyes widening and a yelp that had Joel looking up at you escaping your lips as you tripped, already seeing yourself landing face first in the snow when you felt an arm wrap around your middle, seemingly catching you just seconds before you could fall. 

Joel held you up, arm wrapped around your stomach, your back against his chest. 

„You okay?“ he asked, out of breath.

Taking a shakily breath you nodded, eyes closing as you melted against him for just a second before you turned around, his arms giving you space to do so. 

„Quite the reflexes you got there, Miller,“ you said with a small smile. You thought you saw his cheeks reddening just the tiniest bit before he chuckled. For a moment the two of you just looked at each other before you cleared your throat. 

„I brought you lunch. Tommy asked me to,“ you said.

„Oh. That’s.... That's very nice of you,“ he smiled a little. 

„It’s nothing. You need your strength after doing all of... that,“ you gestured around before you have him the sandwich you had packed and the thermos with coffee you had prepared. Thankfully nothing had spilled or been ruined by your almost fall. 

„Thank you darlin’“ he said and you felt the butterflies everywhere hearing him call you that. 

One moment you caught him glancing at your lips, the next moment he had you pressed against the side of his truck, lunch forgotten on the passengers seat as he kissed you. 

Lips moving against yours as his body towered above you, caging you in. 

You gasped as you felt his hand on the back of your neck, tilting your head up to get even closer as he used your lips parting against his to deepen the kiss. 

You didn’t know if it was seconds, minutes or hours that he kissed you, before he parted from you, resting his forehead against yours. 

„I gotta pick up Ellie,“ you whispered and he nodded. 

„Can I come see you later?“ he asked and now it was you who nodded. 

Instead of answering you he kissed you again. And you might or might have not needed a couple of minutes after in your truck to calm yourself down, before you finally made your way towards town to pick up Ellie. 

And Joel?

Joel enjoyed the sandwich you made for him that was way better than the lunch he brought for himself. A lunch he had prepared while his brother had been with him in the kitchen. 

"Can't believe you talked me into this," Joel grumbled, pulling at the fake beard that was covering half of his face. 

„Me? Talking you into doing something? Nuh-uh. Don't have that much power,“ you grinned, your palms carefully rubbing over the soft fabric of the red velvety dress that you had ordered last minute on amazon. 

Joel mumbled something under his breath that suspiciously sounded like "If you only knew.“

The farm was full with people, Tommy had even found some volunteers to help with the trees, the tree cut competition in full swing, and all that was missing were Joel and you, dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Claus. 

Something you still couldn't believe Joel agreed to. 

The idea to have Santa around for the kids had been on your idea list from the very beginning, but you couldn’t find anyone willing to take the role. 

You would have never thought of asking Joel, but Tommy? Tommy was absolutely loving the idea.

And maybe it was when you and Tommy brought up how much it would cost to hire someone as Santa for a couple of hours and Tommy telling him to come on, do it for Ellie. How exactly you got roped into this, you still weren't sure. 

But who were you to say no to those big brown Miller eyes, telling you he'd be in if you were his Mrs. Claus?

You felt Joel's hand on your hip as he turned you around and towards him. With a smile you looked up at him. 

„When all of his is done, all the competitions and dances and shit… I wanna take you out. Get to know you more. Learn more about you," he said and your smile widened. 

"Like on a date?" you asked. 

„Yeah. Like on a date. Would you like that?“ he asked. 

You got on your tiptoes, carefully pulling at the white beard that covered his face to reveal his lips to you before you softly kissed his lips, eyes fluttering closed. 

„I would love that,“ you whispered, before you pulled his fake beard back into place, patting his chest. He gave you a wide smile before he carefully fixed your wig.

„Ready?“ You asked and he nodded before he took your hand. 

„Ready."

Your cheeks were hurting from how much you had been smiling all day. Turned out putting Joel into a red Santa suit was all it took to put him in such a good mood, even Tommy was stunned. 

Okay, maybe you had something to to with his mood too, but no one had to know that yet. 

It was towards the end of the day, the crowds thinning out that you saw Ellie walk towards Santa with Tommy. You excused yourself, not wanting her to notice it was you, hiding behind a big decorated tree. 

Even though Ellie was about to be ten years old, she still believed in Santa. And you wanted her to do so for as long as possible. 

„Ellie! I wondered if you would come to see me!“ Joel said in his Santa voice and you smiled softly. He had been doing a great job all day. 

„You know me?" she asked and you couldn't see them but you caught Tommy's eyes as he looked at you with a small smile.

„Of course I do! You're at the top of the list for the kids that use curse words too much!“ he said and you fought against the laugh that was trying to escape you. You could only imagine the horrified face of your daughter when you heard:

„But let me tell you a secret. Even I curse from time to time,“ Joel as Santa said and you wished you could see them.

„You do?“ Ellie asked. 

„Fuck yeah I do," Joel said and they both laughed. 

„So Ellie, what do you wish for Christmas this year?“ he asked and you wanted for what her answer would be. 

„I want my mom to be happy," she said and you stopped breathing.

"Don't you think she’s happy?" Joel asked. 

„I think so. But with everything that happened with my dad and the accident… I want her to be even happier? You know with kissing and stuff? Even though I don't understand how grown ups like that,“ She asked and you found yourself chuckling quietly. 

Joel as Santa chuckled too.

"I'll see what I can do, Ellie,“ he said.

„Oh and I would really love a new set of watercolours. The big ones with all the colours," she said and you were glad you already got these for her. 

It was almost 10 pm, Ellie long in bed and you and Joel thankfully out of the costumes when the last people left. Tommy had also left the house to stay with his girlfriend Maria, leaving you and Joel sitting in front of the fire place, both with a drink in hand. 

You had taken to spending the evenings in the main house either with Tommy or Joel or the both of them. 

„Never said thank you," Joel said all of the sudden and you looked at him. 

„Huh?"

„For your help here at the farm and… for dealing with my grumpy ass all the time,“ he continued. 

„It’s a nice ass to deal with," you teased and he raised one eyebrow. 

"That so?“ he hummed and you nodded. 

„Especially in those dark work jeans you keep wearing,“ you winked and he licked his lips, his eyes roaming all over your body before he looked into your eyes again. 

"I'll keep that in mind, darlin’“

[christinamadsen]

Amazing chapter! This is a really christmas love story! 🎄😍

Miller's Christmas Tree Farm

Part two - Mistletoe and wine

Summary: You and Ellie move to the farm and meet a very grumpy Joel for the first time. But his mood does not affect how motivated you are for your new job and living out your Hallmark movie fantasy of living on a dreamy snowy farm. And maybe all this planing and working with the, you have to admit, very handsome grump of a man might lead you to start living out your very own love story.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: T

Wordcount: 10k (can you believe that???)

Warnings: no outbreak AU, major Hallmark movie vibes, fluff, working through grief and heartbreak, character death, a lot of Christmas planning, a Husky called Edward (after Edward Cullen), pining, teasing, Ellie and Tommy being menaces, a kiss (or two), some making out, tension, feelings

Co- written with @jennaispunk 💜

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Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist // Miller's Christmas Tree Farm Masterlist

Driving up to the farm felt like something straight out of a Hallmark movie. 

Really. 

A fresh layer of snow covered the ground, big, also snow covered trees lining the long driveway. You could see tiny Christmas trees behind the big ones, most likely already growing for upcoming years, bringing a smile to your face.

Not long after a house came into view. 

„Woah,“ Ellie said from the backseat and you nodded. 

„It’s beautiful,“ you said, slowing down. 

There were four buildings, all in dark red. But the biggest one, the one you were pretty sure was the main house had a wrap around porch. It looked well taken care off, the trees surrounding the house adding to the charm. 

You wondered if there were Christmas lights hung in them and you made a mental note to add some if not. 

With a little money and a lot of work getting this farm back on track would hopefully be easy. 

As you parked your car next to an old truck the door of the house sprung open and you noticed Tommy walking out and towards you. 

„You ready Ellie?“ You asked, turning in your seat to look at her.

She only nodded with a shy smile that you mirrored before you took your seatbelt off and opened the car door.  Tommy pulled your door completely open and you thanked him. 

„I’m happy you made it!“ He said as you turned around to open the door for Ellie. 

„I hope you found everything okay?“ Tommy asked. Nodding you helped Ellie out of the car who looked around in wonder. 

„You must be Ellie,“ Tommy said with a smile, getting down on one knee to meet her at eye level. 

„I’m Tommy,“ he introduced himself and held out his hand which Ellie took with a very serious expression, shaking it twice. 

„Is there always this much snow around?“ She asked and you smiled to yourself. 

„This is actually not even bad. I remember one year we had so much snow you couldn’t see the stairs leading up to the house. Might have broken my arm when I tried to jump from the porch into the snow like into a pool,“ he gestured behind him to where six stairs led up to the porch. With big eyes Ellie looked at you. 

„I wanna do that!“ She said excitedly and you rolled your eyes with a sigh. 

„Nope. No more bone breaking for the foreseeable future please,“ you said, walking over to her to put your arm around her shoulders. She let her head fall against your upper arm. Another year and she’d be able to rest her head on your shoulder. 

It was when you looked up that your eyes caught someone else standing on the porch, his eyes trained on you already. 

Tommy followed and turned his head around when he noticed you looking over his shoulder. When Tommy turned his head to look back at you he took a deep breath. 

„And this is my brother Joel. He’s the boss. I promise he’s not as grumpy as he looks,“ he said with a wink to Ellie and she snorted. 

After a moment the man, Joel, made his way down the stairs and towards you. He was taller than Tommy. And broader. He was wearing a brown coat, his hands covered by thick leather gloves. 

His dark hair was hidden beneath a knitted hat, his face, while grumpy, was rather handsome. A salt and pepper beard that looked somewhat trimmed covered his lower face everywhere, all but on a spot on his left cheek. 

But it was his eyes that spoke to you the most. Brown eyes that seemed to say a million things at once as he looked at you. 

His expression was rather grim but as he looked at Ellie standing next to you his eyes softened. At least you thought so as he attempted a smile. 

„I like grumpy people. They usually don’t take any shit just like I do,“ Ellie said proudly and your eyes widened. 

„Language!“ You hissed and she looked at you with a sheepish expression. When you looked back at Joel he had a strange expression before he blinked himself out of it, 

„I’m Joel,“ he gave a single wave and you introduced yourself before doing the same with Ellie. 

„So you are the person my brother can‘t shut up about huh?“ he asked and you hummed. 

„Just trying to help get your business back on track,“ you said and his gaze was fixed on you as if he was trying to figure you out. 

„Just for a place to stay out in the middle of nowhere with two guys you know nothing about,“ he narrowed his eyes and you started to get pissed off. 

„People talk, so I think I know enough about you to be sure that you are not an axe murderer,“ you challenged him, getting worked up, only interrupted by Tommy who cleared his throat. With wide eyes you looked at him and then at Ellie who was looking up at you with a mix of fear and awe.

„Now that that‘s settled I am gonna show you were you will stay while you are with us,“ Tommy said, already walking around your car to get you suitcases out. 

„Little help?“ he called over his shoulder towards his brother, but Joel had already turned his back towards you and was walking towards the barn. 

Joel leaned against the closed barn door after he made it inside and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He should have been a little nicer, you were here to help, but he wasn’t a man who accepted help easily. He was always the one the one who took care of things, got Tommy out of every jam he’d gotten himself into. He was the one who was supposed to fix things and it killed him that he was failing at this. He opened the barn door a crack, watching Tommy walk you and Ellie to your new place. A crooked smile crossed his lips as he watched you take a suitcase from Tommy as he opened the front door. 

Tommy had failed to mention you were so pretty. Bastard. 

You looked down at Ellie before you sighed. 

„Are you sure he‘s not an axe murderer?“ she asked in a loud whisper, making you and Tommy chuckle. 

„He‘s not. Though when he’s had a beer too many he sure sounds like chain saw at night. He‘s… He‘s gonna come around,“ Tommy said as he grabbed two of your suitcases. Ellie ran over to him and grabbed her box of painting supplies. 

„I hope he will,“ you mumbled as you picked up another suitcase and followed Tommy and Ellie towards the house.

You were running your fingers through Edward Cullen‘s fur, iPad in your lap as you worked on your plan for the next six weeks.

It was day three of your stay at the Miller‘s farm and you had not really talked to Joel since your arrival. You had seen him in passing, the scowl always on his face as he gave you a curt nod before he disappeared. 

You and Ellie had settled into your new little apartment. 

It was big enough for the both of you and had running water. Tommy said that him and Joel had decided that they would set up a new kitchen if things went okay and you decided to stay her permanently. 

Or if Joel hadn‘t made you run away by then. 

Tommy told you that you were more than welcome to use the kitchen of the main house and that was more than okay for you. And definitely for Tommy because while he loved to eat, you loved to cook. 

It had been some time since you had more than just you and Ellie to cook for and you took full advantage of the big farmhouse kitchen that was in the main house.

Ellie had begged you to go out with Tommy in his snow mobile when he had to check on some things on the property after at least fifteen inches of snow had come down last night. You made her promise to listen to everything Tommy said after you checked in with him if it was okay. 

As you watched them leave, playfully fighting each other until they were inside the snow mobile, both laughing loudly, you just knew that these both would be trouble in the future. 

There was something in his eyes as he told you that he missed having someone around who was actually excited to spend time with him and he promised you he would take care of Ellie like she was family.

Joel was out, which was why you had decided to lounge in a cozy armchair in front of the fire place in the main house (of course after making sure it would be okay). Tommy had told you that Joel would most likely be out until the evening and even if he was home earlier it would still be okay. 

You and Ellie had explored around the farm over the last two days and you pretty much fell in love with the place right away. 

It only needed a little help to bring the magic back and you had several ideas on how to accomplish that. Even apart from Christmas you had ideas, but December was fast approaching so these events would have to be planned first. 

You already checked in with Tommy for some logistics such as the snow maze you wanted to set up and he told you it should not be a problem. There was plenty of snow around after all. 

Your plan involved three different events every weekend leading up to Christmas and a big Christmas Ball / Party on Christmas Eve. 

The budget would be tight, but you had already checked out some local vendors you wanted to contact who could be part of the events. Such as the bakery and coffee house for drinks and food.

You were focused on writing down the last couple of ideas when Edward‘s head snapped up and he began to impatiently whine before he ran away from you and towards the door. 

You were about to check if someone was at the door when said door opened and Joel walked in. He seemed to be deep in his thoughts as he leaned down to pat Edwards head, following the dog who immediately trotted back to you to snuggle back against you.

Joel arched his brow, not expecting to find you in the main house. He’d been avoiding you as much as possible, trying to keep your interactions to a minimum, mostly because every moment he spent with you he found himself liking you more. He found himself drawn to the easy way you joked and laughed with Tommy, he was almost a little jealous of how the two of you interacted. He saw how patient and gentle you were with Ellie. Your joy was infectious and he even caught himself smiling when he thought of something you said or the was you would sass him when you thought he was out of line. You made him feel things he thought he’d buried long ago. 

And he hope you hadn’t caught him starring at you yet, because somehow his eyes seemed to follow you whenever you were around. 

You gulped, suddenly a little nervous. 

„Uhm… Tommy said it was okay to stay here cause you were out. The WIFI up here is better. But I can leave if you….“

He interrupted you as he shook his head.

„Stay,“ he said and the surprise was clearly written on your face as he added a whispered „Please.“

You nodded slowly at him and he nodded back before he turned around and began to take off his coat and shoes. 

Meanwhile you got back to your list, counting through the last numbers of what this all would cost and how much it could bring in. You did not know how much in debt the farm was, but Tommy told you they‘d need a small miracle so they wouldn‘t have to sell parts of the land or the whole place.

„Do you want some coffee?“ you heard Joel asked and looked up, finding him standing in the doorway. He seemed to have changed into some sweatpants and a black shirt and his hair seemed to be still wet. 

Your eyes lingered on his broad arms for a moment too long before you furrowed your brows, looking at the time. 

„It‘s almost 4pm. If I drink one now I won‘t be able to sleep,“ you said and he huffed a laugh. 

„Tea?“ he asked again and you found yourself nodding at him. 

„Which one?“ he asked as he walked back towards the kitchen. 

„Surprise me?“ you called after him, a little confused that he seemed to suddenly talk to you. For some reason you found yourself turning on the front camera of your iPad to check you appearance. 

It was a couple minutes later when you heard his footsteps again. He walked into the room two mugs in his hands. 

„I hope you like apple tea. It‘s apparently the only one we got,“ he shrugged as he sat the mug down on the small table in front of you. 

„Thanks,“ you said, somehow nervous.

Joel lingered as if unsure what to do as he took a sip from his mug. 

„Uhm I wanted to apologise how our fist meeting went. I‘m…. Obviously not the best with people,“ he said, one of his hands rubbing over the back of his neck. 

„Oh,“ you said dumbly, blinking up at him. 

You might have missed the short moment the right side of his lips lifted as if he wanted to smile if you had looked away. 

„Yeah,“ he said with a sigh, letting his gaze wander through the room before he was looking at you and then his dog laying with his head in his lap. 

„Edward seems to make up for my shitty behaviour,“ and there it was finally, a small smile from Joel Miller.

„He‘s a good dog,“ you said, stroking him behind his ears. 

„Why Edward Cullen though?“ Tommy had told you about the name but said to ask Joel if you wanted to know more. 

Joel took a deep breath before he sat down on the couch next to you. 

„My daughter named him,“ he said quietly and you nodded slowly, knowing a little about what happened to her. 

„Thought it was funny cause she could made me yell after Edward Cullen in the woods every single time,“ he smiled to himself, his eyes unfocused, probably deep in a memory he was replaying in his mind. 

„She seemed like a funny girl,“ you said softly and he looked up at you. 

„She was,“ he whispered and you somehow got the impression that he did not want to talk any more about her. 

So you took a deep breath. 

„Do you… want to hear about the ideas I have for the farm?“ you asked slowly. 

„You got one?“ 

„I have several and I have answers for all your questions,“ you pursed your lips, challenge in your eyes. 

„Well now I wanna hear em,“ he said as he slipped closer to you so he could see what you had written. 

„How much more fucking snow do we need?“ you heard Joel yell from where he was sitting up in the tractor. 

Much to your surprise he had agreed to almost all of your ideas.

You just had to lower the budget because he had admitted that he did not have enough to cover all the new lights you had suggested. But much to your surprise he had shown you the whole basement of the barn full of boxes of Christmas decoration. 

You were already excited to get through them with Ellie when she got back from school this afternoon. 

But now you were across the barn, Tommy and Joel both in the tractors as they shovelled snow into what would later become the snow maze. You had already contacted a local catering service who had food trucks and they agreed to set up one of their coffee and sweets trucks here free of charge until Christmas. One of their workers would be there every day to take care of what you hoped would be a lot of customers. 

„Enough snow for a maze? Maybe I shouldn‘t have let Ellie plan it,“ you said to yourself, doubt creeping into your mind as you looked down at the plan. 

She didn‘t know that the maze you asked her to paint would be the plan of the actual maze that would get set up behind the barn for the whole of December. You thought it would be a great way to have some income over the whole week. It would be open daily between 4 pm - 7 pm and costs $5 per person. 

Joel had agreed right away, thinking that this idea was the one that cost him almost nothing but some work to build the maze.

„I like her plan. Except for the killer snowman in the middle. Don‘t think we can build one of those,“ Tommy yelled as he shovelled more snow.

„Oh I don‘t know. That was the best part of it,“ you grinned. 

„We just put Joel in the middle of the maze every morning and hide his coffee. Boom, Killer Snowman,“ Tommy teased and you tried to hide your smile as you heard Joel yell „I heard that.“

You left towards lunch time to pick up Ellie from school and go to the local library to print out a bunch of the flyers you had put together. You had already send message around and asked almost all the local vendors it they would hang them up and all of them agreed. You also had received quite a lot of feedback in your search for vendors who would like to join the events every week to get some exposure. 

Everything was coming together much easier than you anticipated. You weren’t used to such small towns where everyone seemed to have everyone’s back.

But the biggest surprise had been Joel.

It had only been four days since you had your talk and he had already offered some additional ideas for the events. He also had started to have a mug of tea ready for you every morning when he knew you arrived back from getting Ellie to school. 

Something that left you with a warm feeling every time you thought about it. And about him too. 

It wasn‘t that he had changed completely. He still had what you would call a resting bitch face throughout the day but there was something flickering behind this… facade he put on. 

Because somehow you imagined that there was a completely different Joel somewhere hiding in this big, very attractive, grump of a man.

Joel was fucked. 

He was so fucked and he did not now how to get out of not being fucked. 

Because the reason he was fucked was living in the apartment he had set up many years ago to rent it out as an Airbnb. You and your daughter were living there and somehow from the first moment he had seen you he knew that spending time with you would get dangerous for the lonely life he had been living since Sarah passed.

Since he hid away all the parts of himself that could still get hurt even after all the shit he went through. 

He thought he could be… content for the rest of his life, living alone on his farm until one day he would just… die alone. Tommy would marry his girlfriend Maria and move away because he wouldn‘t be able to take Joel being the rock that held him back from living his life. 

But ever since you showed up, he found himself asking more often if maybe, just maybe he should try again. Try not to be just content with life, but to try to be happy. 

He could be happy with you, maybe. 

Sure, he would have to get to know you properly which would involve him actually talking more than two sentences to you, but he could do that. Somehow. 

He just wasn’t sure how, because every time he looked at you it was like someone pushed the stop button inside his brain and once he finally found some words, you were gone. 

„She likes raspberry tea the most,“ he was startled as Ellie leaned on the porch next to him, a small grin on her lips. Her face was flushed from playing in the halfway build snow maze with Tommy.

„Huh?“

„My mom. Her favourite tea is raspberry. Or if you rather make coffee buy caramel sweetener. She loves that too,“ Ellie said and he frowned before he looked up again, catching you inside his kitchen, making dinner. 

„Why would I want to know her favourite tea or coffee?“ he asked and saw Ellie roll her eyes. 

„Cause you keep looking at her all the time without talking to her,“ she said. 

„I do?“ he asked, surprised at being caught by a nine year old. 

„Duh. Even Tommy noticed,“ she said, before she turned around to walk inside, stopping at the door to turn back around to him. 

„Just… Don‘t be a dick. Cause I might be a kid but my dad was a dick to her and I don‘t want to ever see her cry because of…. I want her to be happy, okay?“

„Okay,“ Joel frowned. 

„And I like you dude. Even though you look like someone stole Christmas from you most of the time so…. Anyway,“ she mumbled before she opened the door and ran inside. 

He could still hear you scold Ellie for keeping her shoes on when he turned around towards his brother who was walking up the stairs. 

„You heard all of that, huh?“ Joel asked with a sigh. 

„Yep,“ Tommy grinned. 

„Didn’t think I would ever get scolded by a nine year old,“ Joel hummed. 

„Again. You thought you would never get scolded by a nine year old again,“ Tommy said and Joel sighed. 

„You like her?“ Tommy asked and Joel rubbed his hand over his face. 

„Cause she‘s kinda awesome. And Ellie too.“

„Yeah. They’re both pretty damn special,“ Joel agreed.

„So get her her favourite tea and some sweetener and start talking to her. Can‘t make a worse impression than you already did,“ Tommy teased and Joel rolled his eyes. 

But Tommy let go of teasing his older brother. For now. 

„Ready for homemade dinner?“ Tommy asked, already rubbing his hands. 

„I‘ll kill you if you try anything funny,“ Joel warned, hearing Tommy laugh as he walked inside, ignoring Joel completely. 

Weekend 1 - Snow man building contest

The week leading up to the first competition was long and exhausting. But looking around now into the little winter wonderland you all had made, you were proud. Joel and Tommy had gotten some people together the day before to help decorating the rest of the farm and set everything up. 

You all had a blast decorating the whole farm with the endless pieces of decoration that had been stored in the basement. 

Joel had even opened up a little more towards you as you tested the lights the day before, telling you that celebrating Christmas was hard for him because it reminded him of everyone that he lost in the last years. 

The vendors had arrived earlier this morning and were already setting up. 

You had three different food trucks and a bunch of vendors selling self-made crafts and art. 

With the snow maze opening four days ago word had gotten around even quicker that Miller‘s farm had a lot happening in the next weeks and people were curious. 

You hoped a lot of people would show up tonight to join the competition and of course, to buy Christmas trees. 

„You look nervous,“ Tommy said as he came to stand next to you on the porch. 

„Me? Nooo. I‘m totally fine and not nervous about all of this being for nothing when no one shows up and your brother ends up hating me even more,“ you gave a humourless laugh.

„He still not talking to you?“ Tommy asked and you sighed. 

„He‘s not not talking to me. It‘s just…. It feels like he‘s forcing himself to talk to me for some reason. But then he‘s making me a drink every morning and somehow he even figured out my favourites. He‘s so…. Frustrating,“ you sighed and Tommy chuckled. 

„Seems to me like the two of you need to spend more time together.“

„Why? He‘s technically my boss.“

„Have you ever signed a contract?“ Tommy asked with a small grin and your eyes widened. 

„Oh my god I didn‘t. What is wrong with me?“ you asked yourself while Tommy chuckled. 

„I won‘t answer that question. But I do have an idea on how to get Joel to talk to you,“ he grinned and the way he grinned let you narrow your eyes. 

„And what genius Idea is that?“ you asked.

„How do you feel about building a snow man?“

„Thank you all for coming out tonight! We are about to start the contest part of this day so you can all back to enjoying the mulled wine Martia sells over there," Tommy grinned, nose already a little read from the second mulled wine he had, megaphone in hand as he took over hosting the competition. 

You were kind of overwhelmed with how many people had shown up. And not only for the contest you were hosting, but according to Joel they had sold as many Christmas trees today as in the whole last season combined. 

„We have eight teams, and I wanna see eight snow men. The winner gets the right to brag about it and a gift card from the best restaurant in town!“ Tommy continued to explain. Looking up at Joel who was standing next to you, you felt nervous. Not because you had been surprised by participating in the contest yourself, but because it was Joel who you had been partnered with. 

Your first choice of course had been Ellie, but she had begged you to let her and her new friends play in the snow maze. And you couldn’t just say no to her big brown eyes.

Joel seemed reluctant at first to participate at all, but after a little talk with Tommy he agreed. You wondered if he would have still agreed if he knew that Tommy bet 10$ with you to build a grumpy snowman that could be mistaken for his brother. 

„Ready to build the worlds best snowman?“ He asked you as Tommy yelled down a countdown. 

„You bet your ass, Miller,“ you winked, hearing him chuckle. 

So you might have underestimated the competitiveness of Joel Miller. 

As soon as Tommy yelled start he was on his knees, his big, glove covered hands gathering snow to start on the base for the snowman. 

„So I have a confession to make," you said, putting more snow on the middle part of the snowman while Joel already worked on forming a head. 

„Huh?“ Joel asked, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. 

„I have never build a snowman ever before,“ you said, patting the snow on. 

Joel’s eyes moved to look at you and he gave you a small smile that showed his dimple. 

„Would it be rude to say, I thought so?“ He said and your mouth dropped open in mock shock. 

„Kind of, but then again, rude is your reputation,“ you chuckled.

He hummed, still working on the snowman. You caught Tommy’s eyes on you as you let your gaze wander around. 

„Guess I have to work on being nicer,“ Joel said and you looked at him. 

„To everyone?“ You asked and he stopped working to look at you, before he shook his head. 

„Nah. I worked hard on my reputation. But I’d like to be nicer to the people I am living with. Like Tommy and Ellie…. And you,“ he said and you found yourself grinning up at him. 

„Yeah?“ you asked and he nodded. 

„And because I’m gonna start right now, I am going to nicely tell you to stop ruining this snowman and let me do the work,“ he said and you found yourself huffing a laugh.

With crossed arms you were standing in front of the Snowman Joel build and you decorated. Ellie was standing next to you and Joel as you watched the judges check out your snowman. 

„So… whose Idea was to build a Joel snowman?“ Ellie asked and you sucked both your lips between your teeth to keep yourself from laughing as Joel looked at Ellie.

"What do you mean?“ He asked, confused. 

„Flannel, crooked carrot nose, even the mouth looks like it's frowning. That's one hundred percent a Joel snowman,“ she said and you could feel Joel's eyes on your while you tried to appear busy looking at the Christmas lights you had put up yesterday.

When you couldn't take it anymore you finally looked up at Joel whose eyes were narrowed on you. 

Just when he was about to say something Tommy stepped back with his megaphone, telling everyone that we had a winner. 

And when he announced that Joel, the snowman was the winner of this competition you found yourself in the arms of Joel Miller for the first time, in a hug that not only you would remember for a long time.

Weekend 2 - Scavenger hunt 

The snow maze and snow man building competition was a huge hit, even more than you had anticipated. You expected it might take people a bit to start coming out to the farm, but they showed up in droves; families, groups of teenagers, and even the mayor came out! 

With the snowman building competition out of the way, you focused your attention on the next event: a scavenger hunt. Everything was was ready to go, all you needed was to go into town and pick up the worksheets for the hunt. You carefully selected places around the farm that the hunters would take pictures, answer riddles or pick up a token and the winner received 25 percent of a tree and some handmade ornaments of their choosing from one of the vendors. Joel had initially fought the tree discount but you and Tommy wore him down and he eventually gave in. 

“Ellie, I have to get to the printers. Hurry up!”

Ellie was running around with Edward. The two of them had really bonded and it was nice to see Ellie laughing and playing like a kid again and you suspected Edward loved having a kid to play with again too. You watched as she ran with a stick in her hand, Edward chasing after her barking and jumping.

“Do I gotta?” Ellie whined. “Edward and I just started playing.”

They’d been playing for the last thirty minutes but you weren’t about to argue that point with a nine year old. Before you could open your mouth to repeat yourself, Tommy walked up. 

“Let her stay here and play with the dog. I’ll keep my eye on her.”

Joel came stalking out of the barn, wiping his hands with a handkerchief. He made his way over to you and Tommy as he tucked the fabric into his back pocket. 

“The spark plugs are bad on the goddamn tractor.” he grumbled. “Gotta head into town.”

Tommy’s brows arched to the sky as the corners of his lips curled into a shit eating grin. 

“Well, ain’t that funny?” His eyes dart to you. 

“You gotta go into town too, don’t ya? Y’all should ride together. Save gas.”

You shoot daggers at Tommy. Ever since the two of you built that snowman, he’s tried to push you and Joel together. Tommy’s efforts had only led to awkward moments between you and Joel, neither one of you sure how to navigate whatever was happening between you. 

If looks could kill, Tommy would be dead. Joel resisted the urge to reach out and wring Tommy’s neck. His little brother never knew when to quit, he was like a dog with a bone when he was up to something. Joel’s breath lingered like a cloud in the chilly air. You made him nervous, like a teenage boy with his first crush. This was his chance to get you alone without Tommy or Ellie butting in, the one thing he longed for and dreaded at the same time. He needed to get his head out of his ass and just talk to you, it shouldn’t be that hard. 

You turn your attention to Joel. The worry lines on his brow run deep, it’s almost like he’s fighting with himself. His right hand clenches into a fist and then relaxes.

“You don’t have-“ 

You’re trying to give Joel an out. The tension is rolling of him and the last thing you want is an uncomfortable trip into town. 

“It’s fine.” Joel interrupted. The corner of his mouth twitched into a small smile. “The print shop is on the way to the hardware store. No sense in both of us driving into town.”

That was a surprise. You half expected him to come up with a reason that you couldn’t ride together. 

Your eyes dart to Tommy. He’s grinning like the cat who caught the canary and you want to smack him and hug him at the same time. You bet Joel feels the same way about his brother too. 

“You sure about keeping an eye on Ellie?”

“I’m sure.” he answered with a wink. 

“Thanks.”

Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to get Joel to really talk to you, to understand him better. 

“If she gets bored, I’ll put her to work.” Tommy teased. 

Ellie playfully sticks her tongue out at Tommy but he just laughs. 

“Ellie!” you scold. 

You sigh. You’re really not that upset with her but sometimes she needs to remember that she’s just a kid. 

“Just be good for Tommy, okay?”

“We’ll be fine, mom.” Ellie huffed.

She grabs Tommy’s hand, pulling him away from you and Joel. 

“Come on, I wanna show you the new trick I taught Edward.”

Joel opens the passenger door for you and gently holds your elbow as you host yourself up, his mama taught him to be a gentleman. He feels you tense up for a brief moment but he stays silent. The last thing he wants to do is make this any more awkward than it already was. He climbs into the cab and looks over at you to make sure you buckled your seatbelt, something he would always do every time Sarah got in the truck with him. The truck roars to life and he puts it in gear. 

You glance out the window as you move down the driveway. Ellie is laughing as Edward leaps into the air and catches the ball midair. You bite your bottom lip and lightly tap your fingers against your thigh. It’s not that you don’t trust Tommy but ever since Ellie’s accident you’ve had a hard time leaving her with anyone. 

For several minutes, the silence hangs between you. Joel drums his fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally glancing over at you. He can see how tense you are. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand and clears his throat. 

“She’ll be fine.” He drawled. “Tommy’ll take good care of her.”

He pauses for a few beats before continuing.

“He was always the best uncle to Sarah.” 

He speaks so softly that you barely heard him. Was this really happening? Was Joel finally opening up to you? You turn your head to look at him and swallow hard. Part of you was screaming at you to let it go, let Joel open up at his own pace but the more impulsive side of you won out. 

“Did they…spend a lot of time together?” you asked quietly. 

Joel is quiet for a few moments. The muscles of his jaw twitch as he remembers. He hasn’t talked about Sarah to anyone but Tommy in a very long time. Even with Tommy, it was hard to talk about her most of the time. Talking about Sarah meant that he had to acknowledge that she was gone and he couldn’t save her.

“Yeah, all we had was each other.” he answered softly. “Sarah’s mom and I split when Sarah was just a baby and Tommy really stepped up even though he was still a kid himself. He’d play dolls with her and he’d come over for tea parties…”

His voice cracked as he trailed off and your heart broke for him. Almost losing Ellie nearly broke you, you couldn’t imagine what losing her would have done to you.You lift your hand to cover his on the center console and then pull it back. You’re not sure if touching him would just make it worse and you let your hand drop back into your lap.

When he doesn’t say anything more, you sigh. It’s time to change the subject, getting him talking about something, anything less painful. Sarah was a subject the two of you could discuss later. You rack your brain to come up with a safe topic, but you’ve got nothing and the silence grows. 

Joel cards his fingers through his hair. He hadn’t meant to get into such a deep conversation with you and get emotional. He can’t even guess what you must be thinking right now. He could see you struggling out of the corner of his eye and he knew he had to keep this whole thing derailing before it even started. He reaches over and turns on the radio. A country tune flows quietly through the speakers. 

Even though the music isn’t loud, you immediately recognise the tune as one of your favourites. Without a second thought, you reach over and turn up the volume a bit and quietly sing along. You catch Joel softly drumming on the steering wheel along with the song and you smile. Music. That’s a safe topic. 

When the song ends, you lower the volume on the radio. You’re feeling confident that you can get Joel talking again. 

“You like that song, too?” 

Joel turns his head toward you for a brief moment, a shy crooked smile on his lips. 

“It’s one of my favourites.”

Back at the farm, Tommy watches over Ellie as she plays with Edward. 

“Hey, kid!”

Ellie jogs over to Tommy with Edward loping behind. She stops in front of him, panting softly, her cheeks rosy from the cold. 

“What’s up?”

“I gotta plan to get your mom and Joel together but I’m gonna need your help. You in?” he asked. 

Ellie’s eyes light up. She just wants her mom to be happy. 

“I’m in.”

You make your stops at the hardware store and the print shop and head back toward the farm. You even talk Joel into picking up dinner from the diner on the way home. The two of you are talking, really talking, without any of the awkwardness that marred most of your previous conversations. Joel loves music just as much as you do and the two of you discuss your favourite songs and artists. 

The drive back to the farm flies by and before you knew it, Joel was pulling in the driveway. And that’s when he dropped the bomb on you that he played guitar. Your jaw dropped as he uttered those words. You couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to sit with Joel by the fireplace as he played for you. 

“Maybe you could play for me sometime?” 

“Maybe.”

The first few contestants begin to filter in and you take a deep breath. The snowman building competition was a huge success, why wouldn’t this be? You hope you haven’t  make any of the clues too difficult; the idea was for this to be fun and get people exploring the farm. Once everyone had their sheets, you sent them out onto the farm with a time limit of 90 minutes. You had a great turn out, your sign up sheet had filled up within a week. The steady stream of people coming in to buy trees snapped you from your worry about the scavenger hunt. A couple with the cutest little girl came in, asking about a tree. The little girl reminded you of Ellie at that age, so curious and wide eyed. 

Joel watched as you helped the couple. You just had a way with people. Your smile was effortless; he was sure you could charm the pants off Ebenezer Scrooge himself. Hell, you managed to soften him up. The way you interacted with that little girl took his breath away; you were so gentle and patient. You laughed at something the little girl said and his heart fluttered in his chest. That was a sound he could get used to hearing. 

“Earth to Joel.”

Ellie stood in front of Joel, waving her little hands. 

He shook his head and looked down at Ellie. His cheeks flushed at being caught staring at you. 

“What…what do ya need, kiddo?” he asked 

Ellie smirked at him. 

“Tommy needs your help with a tree.”

“Sure.” 

Joel glanced your way one last time before walking toward the truck.

You checked your watch for the tenth time in the last few minutes, you expected the participants back any minute now. Two younger men came barreling toward you at a dead run. As they got closer you recognised them, they had arrived together with their wives and playfully trash-talked to each other while they waited for the scavenger hunt to start. You giggled as they bumped into each other and slid on the snow. 

The blond one got to you a hair before his buddy; it looked as though you had a winner. You collected his tokens and checked the photos as the rest if the participants trickled in. 

“On behalf of the Miller brothers, I want to thank everyone for coming out today. Your support is greatly appreciated and we all look forward to seeing you next weekend for the tree cutting competition. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.” 

You announce the winner to the crowd and steer the winning couple toward Tommy and Joel. 

“Don’t forget, we’re having a Christmas Eve barn dance and we’d love to see you all there.”

You wave to the winning couple as they pull away with their new Christmas Tree tied to their roof. Tommy waves too but Joel stands there with his hands shoved in his pockets and you not so gently elbow him in the ribs. You hear the air rush from his lungs and stifle a giggle but he raises an arm and waves. 

Joel rubs his side as the car rolls out of sight. He should have known that you would call him out but he can’t bring himself to be mad about it. He likes that you aren’t afraid to stand up to him, it makes things interesting. 

“I can’t believe I discounted a tree that much.” he grumbled as the three of you walk toward the main house. 

“Oh, quit complaining.” you told him, playfully rolling your eyes. “I’m making your favourite for dinner to make it up to you.”

All throughout dinner you notice Ellie glancing at Tommy. She has that look in her eye that tells you she’s up to something, but you don’t have a clue as to what it could be. Tommy, for the most part, is his normal self and you just brush it off as Christmas excitement. 

You push yourself away from the table and begin clearing the dishes. Joel immediately gets up and starts grabbing plates. 

“Let me help you with those.” he offered. 

You smile and nod before turning toward the kitchen. Tommy and Ellie’s eyes go wide each time you or Joel pass through the door way. After the third time, you stop in the doorway and glare at them. Joel stopped in the doorway when he saw the look on your face. 

“What’s up with the two of you tonight?” You asked. 

Tommy does his best to look confused and innocent. You glance over at Ellie as she tries to stifle her giggles. 

“What do ya mean?” Tommy answered.

You sigh and put your hand on your hip. You know something is going on and you’re not going to let it go until you get an answer. 

“What do I mean?” you ask. “I mean this.”

You gesture between the two of them. 

“The two of you are up to something….out with it.”

The tone of your voice leaves no room for argument. You’re using your ‘mom’ voice now. Ellie knows from experience that you’re not messing around and she looks down at the table. 

Tommy, on the other hand, is not so easily cowed. He stares at you for a moment, the corner of his lips curling into a smile. 

“Look up.” Tommy said. 

You and Joel raise your eyes and see mistletoe hanging from the header. It’s feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. Your cheeks burn as your eyes meet Joel’s and he chuckles nervously. 

“Now you have to kiss!” Ellie squeals before dissolving in a fit of laughter. 

You take a breath and smile at Joel. It’s just a kiss, right? People do it all the time. It doesn’t have to mean anything, except for the fact that you want it to mean something. 

You tilt your chin and and brush your lips across Joel’s bearded cheek. There, you did it. You kissed Joel and now everyone can go on with their lives. 

“Happy?”

You level your gaze at Tommy. This was his idea, you’re sure of it. 

Tommy smirks at you, enjoying your discomfort. He’s probably going to get an ear full later, but it’ll be worth it. 

“Doesn’t count.” he tells you. 

“Doesn’t count?” you shoot back, your voice slightly rising in pitch. 

“It doesn’t count.” he repeats. “It has to be on the lips or it doesn’t count.”

Your jaw dropped. You could kill Tommy right now. It would be embarrassing enough to kiss for your first kiss with Joel to be in front of his brother but your daughter is here too. You imagined your first kiss would be different…and in private. 

“Yeah.” Ellie piped in. “It’s like the law or something.”

Joel watches the whole exchange barely suppressing a smile. He should be pissed that Tommy set the two of you up like this, but he’s not. He’s been looking for an excuse to kiss you since he met you and his brother just gave him one. He wraps one arm around your waist and slowly pulls you closer. 

“They want a show, darlin’.” he rasped. “Let’s give ‘em one.” 

His soft lips met yours and the rest of the world melted away. You raised up on your toes as your left had gripped his flannel shirt. His lips parted to suck in your lower lip, his beard lightly scraping your chin. He held the kiss for a few moments and the pulled away, leaving you both a little breathless. 

“Oooooooh!” Ellie exclaimed. 

The heels of your shoes hit the floor with a soft thud and you let go of his shirt. Did that really just happen? It wasn’t much of a kiss, as far as kisses go. It was like a kiss you’d see at a wedding ceremony, tame and a bit chaste but it would be seared in your minds for a long time after tonight. 

It was only later, once you and Ellie made your way back towards your apartment that you noticed the many mistletoes that definitely hadn't been there earlier today hanging everywhere throughout the house and porch and you found yourself smiling at Tommy’s and Ellie's meddling. 

Weekend 3 - Tree cut competition

For some reason, you kept spacing out throughout the days leading up to you final competition. Of course you’d say it's because of all the planing you have to do for the final dance and fundraiser.

But you know it's because of Joel. 

Joel and how his hands held you. Joel and his soft brown eyes as he looked down at you under the mistletoe.

Joel and his lips as he kissed you. 

It was just one kiss. One kiss the two of you hadn’t talked about since it happened, but you found yourself wishing more and more that there would be more.

More kisses. 

More touching.

More…..

"Daydreaming again?“ you jumped when you heard Tommy's voice next to you. You were standing at the kitchen window, looking out over the fields that were covered by yet another fresh layer of snow. 

"Huh?" you asked, looking at the grinning younger Miller brother. 

„Nothing. Nothing. I have a favour to ask,“ he said and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, raising one eyebrow.

„Need more help from my daughter to hang up more mistletoes?“ You asked, seemingly annoyed, but not really. 

„Nope. Our decoration work is done for now. Actually I wanted to ask if you could bring Joel his lunch on your way to pick up Ellie from school. He’s working on the far end of the farm today and I have customers all morning. He’s cutting down more trees for this weekend," he said and you hummed. 

„You want me to bring Joel lunch?“ You asked again, and he nodded. 

„Okay," you shrugged, before turning away from him. Clearly he anticipated some kind of argument, finding him looking at you with his lips parted in surprise when you looked back at him. 

"What?" you asked, seemingly unbothered.

„Uh.... Nothing. I’ll…. I’ll get to the front then,“ he mumbled. 

„Right. Because there are customers," you nodded and he nodded back, turning around to walk out. 

„Jep. Lots of customers,“ he said, disappearing out of the kitchen as you smiled to yourself, before you went over to the fridge to prepare a sandwich for Joel. 

You were thankful that thanks to almost getting lost in the woods on the farm at the beginning of your stay here, Tommy and Joel had insisted you’d share your location with them when you were on the farm and vice versa. 

It was how you were able to find out exactly were Joel was working today. Driving the old truck carefully through the snow you followed your phone, Joel’s location getting closer and closer until you could see his truck parked next to a big tree. 

Parking your car you grabbed the sandwich and the thermos of hot coffee you had prepared for him when you stepped out of the car. He could’t be too far away now. 

Following the trail his boots must have made when he arrived you walked in between fully grown Christmas trees, some already cut down and packed ready to transport them back closer towards the farm when you spotted him. 

He had taken his warm coat off, only wearing his green flannel, sleeves rolled back over his elbows as he swung the axe to cut down a tree. 

For a moment time seemed to stop as you watched this… manly man use all his strength to cut down a tree. Suddenly feeling hot as you watched a line of sweat roll down his temple you didn’t watch were you're going, your feet missing something lying on the ground, eyes widening and a yelp that had Joel looking up at you escaping your lips as you tripped, already seeing yourself landing face first in the snow when you felt an arm wrap around your middle, seemingly catching you just seconds before you could fall. 

Joel held you up, arm wrapped around your stomach, your back against his chest. 

„You okay?“ he asked, out of breath.

Taking a shakily breath you nodded, eyes closing as you melted against him for just a second before you turned around, his arms giving you space to do so. 

„Quite the reflexes you got there, Miller,“ you said with a small smile. You thought you saw his cheeks reddening just the tiniest bit before he chuckled. For a moment the two of you just looked at each other before you cleared your throat. 

„I brought you lunch. Tommy asked me to,“ you said.

„Oh. That’s.... That's very nice of you,“ he smiled a little. 

„It’s nothing. You need your strength after doing all of... that,“ you gestured around before you have him the sandwich you had packed and the thermos with coffee you had prepared. Thankfully nothing had spilled or been ruined by your almost fall. 

„Thank you darlin’“ he said and you felt the butterflies everywhere hearing him call you that. 

One moment you caught him glancing at your lips, the next moment he had you pressed against the side of his truck, lunch forgotten on the passengers seat as he kissed you. 

Lips moving against yours as his body towered above you, caging you in. 

You gasped as you felt his hand on the back of your neck, tilting your head up to get even closer as he used your lips parting against his to deepen the kiss. 

You didn’t know if it was seconds, minutes or hours that he kissed you, before he parted from you, resting his forehead against yours. 

„I gotta pick up Ellie,“ you whispered and he nodded. 

„Can I come see you later?“ he asked and now it was you who nodded. 

Instead of answering you he kissed you again. And you might or might have not needed a couple of minutes after in your truck to calm yourself down, before you finally made your way towards town to pick up Ellie. 

And Joel?

Joel enjoyed the sandwich you made for him that was way better than the lunch he brought for himself. A lunch he had prepared while his brother had been with him in the kitchen. 

"Can't believe you talked me into this," Joel grumbled, pulling at the fake beard that was covering half of his face. 

„Me? Talking you into doing something? Nuh-uh. Don't have that much power,“ you grinned, your palms carefully rubbing over the soft fabric of the red velvety dress that you had ordered last minute on amazon. 

Joel mumbled something under his breath that suspiciously sounded like "If you only knew.“

The farm was full with people, Tommy had even found some volunteers to help with the trees, the tree cut competition in full swing, and all that was missing were Joel and you, dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Claus. 

Something you still couldn't believe Joel agreed to. 

The idea to have Santa around for the kids had been on your idea list from the very beginning, but you couldn’t find anyone willing to take the role. 

You would have never thought of asking Joel, but Tommy? Tommy was absolutely loving the idea.

And maybe it was when you and Tommy brought up how much it would cost to hire someone as Santa for a couple of hours and Tommy telling him to come on, do it for Ellie. How exactly you got roped into this, you still weren't sure. 

But who were you to say no to those big brown Miller eyes, telling you he'd be in if you were his Mrs. Claus?

You felt Joel's hand on your hip as he turned you around and towards him. With a smile you looked up at him. 

„When all of his is done, all the competitions and dances and shit… I wanna take you out. Get to know you more. Learn more about you," he said and your smile widened. 

"Like on a date?" you asked. 

„Yeah. Like on a date. Would you like that?“ he asked. 

You got on your tiptoes, carefully pulling at the white beard that covered his face to reveal his lips to you before you softly kissed his lips, eyes fluttering closed. 

„I would love that,“ you whispered, before you pulled his fake beard back into place, patting his chest. He gave you a wide smile before he carefully fixed your wig.

„Ready?“ You asked and he nodded before he took your hand. 

„Ready."

Your cheeks were hurting from how much you had been smiling all day. Turned out putting Joel into a red Santa suit was all it took to put him in such a good mood, even Tommy was stunned. 

Okay, maybe you had something to to with his mood too, but no one had to know that yet. 

It was towards the end of the day, the crowds thinning out that you saw Ellie walk towards Santa with Tommy. You excused yourself, not wanting her to notice it was you, hiding behind a big decorated tree. 

Even though Ellie was about to be ten years old, she still believed in Santa. And you wanted her to do so for as long as possible. 

„Ellie! I wondered if you would come to see me!“ Joel said in his Santa voice and you smiled softly. He had been doing a great job all day. 

„You know me?" she asked and you couldn't see them but you caught Tommy's eyes as he looked at you with a small smile.

„Of course I do! You're at the top of the list for the kids that use curse words too much!“ he said and you fought against the laugh that was trying to escape you. You could only imagine the horrified face of your daughter when you heard:

„But let me tell you a secret. Even I curse from time to time,“ Joel as Santa said and you wished you could see them.

„You do?“ Ellie asked. 

„Fuck yeah I do," Joel said and they both laughed. 

„So Ellie, what do you wish for Christmas this year?“ he asked and you wanted for what her answer would be. 

„I want my mom to be happy," she said and you stopped breathing.

"Don't you think she’s happy?" Joel asked. 

„I think so. But with everything that happened with my dad and the accident… I want her to be even happier? You know with kissing and stuff? Even though I don't understand how grown ups like that,“ She asked and you found yourself chuckling quietly. 

Joel as Santa chuckled too.

"I'll see what I can do, Ellie,“ he said.

„Oh and I would really love a new set of watercolours. The big ones with all the colours," she said and you were glad you already got these for her. 

It was almost 10 pm, Ellie long in bed and you and Joel thankfully out of the costumes when the last people left. Tommy had also left the house to stay with his girlfriend Maria, leaving you and Joel sitting in front of the fire place, both with a drink in hand. 

You had taken to spending the evenings in the main house either with Tommy or Joel or the both of them. 

„Never said thank you," Joel said all of the sudden and you looked at him. 

„Huh?"

„For your help here at the farm and… for dealing with my grumpy ass all the time,“ he continued. 

„It’s a nice ass to deal with," you teased and he raised one eyebrow. 

"That so?“ he hummed and you nodded. 

„Especially in those dark work jeans you keep wearing,“ you winked and he licked his lips, his eyes roaming all over your body before he looked into your eyes again. 

"I'll keep that in mind, darlin’“

[christinamadsen]

Miller's Christmas Tree Farm

Part One - Driving home for Christmas

Summary: Wanting a fresh start after your husband died, you and your nine year old Step Daughter Ellie move from San Francisco to Noel, a small town in Colorado where you, looking for a job are found by Tommy Miller, who offers you a place to stay and a new job at his family owned Christmas Tree Farm that is in dire need of some fresh ideas to make some money. There is only one problem, his brother Joel Miller, who, judging by the google reviews of the Christmas Tree farm, is an asshole. But you like a challenge. And Joel? Joel can only try to pretend to be grumpy for so long until he finally realises that you might just be what he needed.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. reader

Rating: G

Wordcount: 3.4k

Warnings: no outbreak AU, major Hallmark movie vibes, fluff, working through grief and heartbreak, character death, a lot of Christmas planning, a Husky called Edward (after Edward Cullen)

Co- written with @jennaispunk 💜

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Full Masterlist // Joel Miller Masterlist // Miller's Christmas Tree Farm Masterlist

“So you’ll start on Monday?” Tommy was looking at you with a bright smile. 

You were new to town and looking for a new challenge. 

Which apparently came in the form of Tommy Miller.

He had overheard you talking to the lady at the bakery that you were looking for a job, as he waited behind you in line.

And Tommy not only had a job but a place to stay. A small apartment on his brother's farm that would need some work, the kitchen having to be remodelled. 

For you and your Step Daughter Ellie.

You needed a fresh start, having lost your husband, her dad, in an accident at the beginning of the year. An accident that almost took Ellie from you too, with her being in the car with him. This year had been the most difficult one of your life. Taking care of Ellie had become your sole focus, even more that it already had. The hospital stay, physical therapy and countless doctor appointments had taken its toll on you, physically and emotionally, but it had made you realise how much you’d come to love Ellie and what was really important. 

It took months for her to get better and once she was she asked you if you could live somewhere where there’s snow. 

Which led you to this tiny town in the middle of nowhere. Far away from the big city of San Francisco. You weren’t cut out for city life. You were like most small town kids, convinced that there was something better out there in the big city. You left for college with big dreams but those same dreams faded into a reality that was cold, harsh and nothing liked you’d envisioned. As the years flew by you found yourself longing for the quiet of a small town, like the one you grew up in, one where you really knew your neighbours and you could count on them if you needed a hand. You’re mother had been right all along. 

Tommy did not give you any red flags. He let you ask as many questions as you wanted and after an hour you felt like you had known him all your life. 

Sure, moving in with a him and a man you had not met yet on a farm outside of town could be a recipe for disaster. But continuing to pay for the hotel until you found a place to stay would end in bankruptcy for you so… you chose to trust Tommy. 

And you were about 98% sure he and his brother weren’t axe murderers. 

That all the people around you greeted Tommy with a warm smile was a plus too. 

He and his brother were known all over town, he couldn’t be an axe murderer, right?

“I’m excited. Are you sure it’s going to be okay with your brother?” you asked and Tommy hummed, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. 

“Let Joel be my problem. We need help. The last two years worked somehow but we need… He needs a bit of fresh air. Even if he doesn’t see it this way yet. It also helps that he’s my brother and his only remaining family so…. Yeah. It's gonna be fine,” Tommy winked. 

He also told you that you could just stay for a trial week or two and if you didn’t like it you could still get back to the hotel or he would personally help find you a new place to stay. When you asked him if his brother would be okay with a child staying in his home he assured you that he would be okay. 

He might need a couple days to warm up to her and you, but he wasn’t a monster. He was just…. A grumpy asshole. His words, not yours. 

“You sound awfully sure of yourself,” you chuckled, taking a sip from the tea he had ordered for you after inviting you to the cafe.

“Joel is…. All bite but no teeth. He’s… a little rough and… complicated but I think you can handle him. Plus deep down he’s a softie, but don’t tell him I said that.”

“You’ve known me for an hour, how would you know that I can handle him?” you asked with a laugh. 

“I just do,” he shrugged, emptying his cup of coffee. 

You huffed a laugh. 

“All right. I’ll be there at 9 tomorrow after breakfast. I already have a few ideas. I mean, selling Christmas Trees? On a Farm? With this much snow? Sounds like a dream to be honest. I’m thinking snowman building competitions and a… snow maze…. Or something like that.”

“I think you’re just what we needed. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tommy smiled and got up from his seat. He got into his thick jacket, putting his hat and gloves on.

“Thank you for the tea. And… for the job and place to stay?” you smiled, standing up and taking his outstretched hand to shake it. 

“Let’s see if you’ll be thanking me once you meet Joel,” he winked and you rolled your eyes. 

“I will,” you smiled and he chuckled, nodding once before he turned around and left you to finish your tea. 

Already plotting ideas in your mind, how to help Miller’s Christmas Trees out of the red numbers. 

“Come on, get the damn ball,” Joel nodded towards the ball he had just thrown, Edward, his trusty Husky just stared at him in disinterest. 

Sarah had named him, being in her Twilight phase before she… he took a deep breath, looking up at the sky. He remembered it like it was yesterday. They had been out in the woods, Sarah collecting pine cones. They were on their way back home when she changed the direction, having heard something. 

And she did. A tiny husky puppy hiding against a tree. 

Joel did not think it would survive the night, but once Sarah had put her mind to something….

Edward looked at Joel and looked as if he was sighing, making Joel roll his eyes. 

“Stubborn dog,” Joel grumbled to himself, before he nodded towards the truck, making Edward get up slowly before he jumped up on the open hood. He closed the back and leaned against the truck, looking up into the darkening sky. 

It smelled like snow.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. 

Joel would never admit it, but he was scared this would be the last winter he spend here. On this farm where he had spent so much time of his life at. 

He came here almost fifteen years ago when Sarah was born and his parents were still alive. It had been easier to have some help with a new born while his wife had left them without a word.

His father had made a name out of this farm. 

Miller’s Christmas Trees. 

And Joel had tried in the last years to keep it as best as he could but…. After his father and mother died and shortly after Sarah died…. Something inside of him died too. 

At this point he didn’t even know how his life would look if he wasn’t here. 

He heard his phone ring and he muttered to himself before he jumped into the truck, seeing Tommy’s name light up on his phone. 

“Yes?” he barked.

“Hello sunshine. Come home. I made dinner,” his brother said.

“You sound like my wife,” Joel joked.

“Ha Ha. That would require you getting out to actually meet a woman. Get your ass here. I have…. News.”

“I don’t like your kind of news.”

“You are not going to like this one either.”

“Great,” Joel groaned and ended the call before he started the truck.

Joel knew something was up, but the longer he sat at the table, his favourite dish cooked by his brother Tommy sitting on the table, the more suspicious he got. 

“So,” Tommy began, after he had sipped on his beer. 

Joel only raised his left eyebrow. 

“I hired someone to help us out at the farm. She’s starting on Monday and she’ll live with her daughter in the apartment on the other side of the house.“

Joel tilted his head at his brother, processing the words he just heard. 

“And you did not think I should have a say in this?” Joel asked after a while, irritated. 

“What would you have said?”

“No! Of course I would have said no you annoying little…” Joel’s fingers rubbed frustrated between his eyes, already feeling a headache approaching. 

Tommy rolled his eyes as he watched his brother scowling at him. 

“See? This is why I didn’t ask you. She just moved here from the city with her stepdaughter and is staying at the inn. She was looking for a job and we kind of had one.”

“We can not pay anyone. You know about this,” Joel stressed. Deep down he knew they needed… something to help get the farm back on track but he was out of ideas and more importantly, money. 

“She agreed to work for a place to stay and food.”

Joel frowned. 

“Why would someone do that?”

Tommy shrugged. 

“Did you check at all who this woman is? Maybe she’s running from something or the police are searching for her.”

“Of course I ran a fucking check on her after I got back you idiot. Who do you think I am? She’s been living in San Francisco for the last ten years, married for six of those years. Husband died earlier this year in a car accident that almost killed her Step Daughter too,” Tommy said and Joel’s expression fell, his heart breaking for you. 

“Joel. We need help. I don’t want this to be the last winter this place exists. And you’re not really…” Tommy searched for the right words “known to be the festive type anymore.”

“I put on Christmas lights last year,” Joel grumbled.

“I am not talking about the decoration, though this has to change too. We sell Christmas Trees, it should look more festive around here.I am talking about whatever your face is doing when you talk to people.”

Joel rolled his eyes. 

“I am perfectly nice to people.”

Tommy laughed. 

“In your own… way you might be but you don’t like people.”

“Who does?”

“People tend to notice it when you look like you want to murder them when they ask you if you could help chop down a tree.”

“They didn’t pay for it. And they didn’t want to pay for it either, what was I supposed to do? Work for free?”

“They were in their eighties, Joel! Be nice for a change! You do want to save this farm, don’t you? It’s what she have wanted. Sarah was happy here,” Tommy said.

„Don’t,“ Joel warned him and Tommy sighed. 

Joel took a deep breath. 

“Then at least listen to the woman. She not only has ideas for Christmas but all around the year. And she did some PR work back in San Francisco. So she should know what she’s doing.”

Tommy got up from his seat to grab another beer, getting one for Joel too. 

“And try to at least be nice when she gets here. Maybe…. Tame whatever is going on with that beard and hair so you do not look like you live in the woods.”

“Fuck you, I am living in the woods,” Joel called after him, hearing Tommy laugh. 

“Love you too, asshole.”

Practically abandoning your whole life and starting over in a tiny town where everyone seems to know everyone was not an easy decision, but it was looking more and more like the best decision you ever made. 

You had been here for four weeks and you were already loving the small town life once again.  

The baker already knew you by name, the barista always grabbed your favourite tea when you came in, the owner of the inn you were staying at, shared town gossip with you. Which was why you were excited to tell her that you got a job and a place to stay at Miller’s farm. You did not miss the surprised look on her face. 

“You are gonna work at Joel’s?” she asked, seemingly in disbelief. 

“I mean yes? He does not know about it yet, but Tommy assured me he will handle it.”

The inn owner, Donna, an elderly lady sighed. You were sitting with her in the big kitchen that was open for everyone who stayed at the inn to use, a mug of hot chocolate in front of you. 

Ellie had went herself upstairs a little while ago, wanting to read. She had started school at the beginning of the week and already joined a book club. It made you feel better knowing that she was settling into this new life you were trying to build so far away from everything you both had known before. 

“Tommy is a good man,” she said with a fond smile on her lips.

“What do you know about the farm? And the owner?”

She sighed. 

“Ernesto, Joel’s father came to town almost 20 years ago. He came here from Texas. The farm had been abandoned for many years but he restored it. He was a good man, Ernesto Miller.”

“What happened? To the farm?”

“Ernesto died of cancer almost five years ago. I don’t think Joel ever really worked through his grief. He changed a lot in the last couple years. But he decided to stay and take over the farm. But… It’s not working.”

“Why do you think it’s not working?” you ask. 

Donna chuckled. 

“You haven’t met Joel yet,” she said and you shook your head. 

“He changed a lot, can’t blame him. He came here almost fifteen years ago. Just him and his little one. Apparently his girl back in Texas wasn’t interested in being a mom so Joel grabbed his little girl and everything he owned and came here to raise his little girl”

You brought the mug of hot chocolate to your lips as you listened to her. If Joel had a kid, maybe Ellie would find a friend?

„In the last five years Joel’s father and mother died. And then his girl, little Sarah, got sick close after her twelfth birthday. She passed before her thirteenth,“ Donna said sadly and you felt your eyes water, thinking about the amount of loss the man, Joel had went through. 

„If it wasn’t for Tommy I don’t know if Joel would still be around," she added quietly, before she took a deep breath. 

„I don’t think I have seen Joel smile once since before the funeral. He comes in weekly to get some of the bread I bake. I used to own the local bakery before my daughter took over. I always pack him a sweet treat. He’s nice to me, but I heard a lot about him arguing with other shop owners. Only last week he almost got into a fight at home depot,“ she sighed. 

“Grief can change you but he also sounds a bit like an asshole,” you mumbled and Donna chuckled. 

“I will keep your room for you, if you like,” Donna said. 

You shook your head. 

“I dealt with assholes in my job all day. I can handle Joel Miller. And I need is a place I can settle down with Ellie in. She’s been through so much, she deserves to be happy.”

You did not tell her that the biggest asshole you had to deal with had been living in your apartment with you for six years, cheating on you in your bed with probably every intern his company ever had before he got into drunken accident, almost killing Ellie who was in the backseat with him.  

You had been in a meeting with your divorce attorney, finally having decided to leave him and sue him for custody of Ellie when you got the call about the accident. You had never been as thankful as the moment you stepped into the hospital that you had adopted her a year before.

“I will be rooting for you,” Donna said, before she got up, squeezing your shoulder once. You watched her go.

Joel Miller seemed to be known all around town, which should be good for his business. But he seemed not to be the friendliest person. Something you could understand with the amount of shit he had to deal with in the past. 

You felt a strange urge to help him and his family.

You sighed, emptying your mug before you put it in the dishwasher to make your way up to your room. 

„Hi Ellie Bellie,“ you smiled as you unlocked the door, Ellie sitting in the armchair near the window, a book in her lap. She didn't look up as you entered, giving you just an acknowledged hum and you walked over to her, seeing her sketching into her notebook she had on top of the book, sketching the landscape in front of your window. 

For a nine year old, she was incredibly talented. 

„Ready to move tomorrow?“ You asked and she looked up at you. 

„Do I get my own room?“ She asked and you smiled. 

„According to Tommy we will get our own little apartment, so chances are high there’s a room for you,“ you winked and she nodded with a small smile. Her hair fell out of her messy ponytail, her hair finally long enough to put it back into one after the doctors had to cut of some of her hair after her injuries. Part of the back of her head had to be shaved in order for her to get surgery. It had been the longest four hours of your life, waiting for the doctor to tell you that she would be okay and survive. 

„I like this town. It’s…. It’s quiet,“ she whispered and you leaned down, hugging her carefully. 

„I like it here too.“

Once Ellie was asleep you packed her stuff together so you could be out of here first thing in the morning. It would be the weekend so she would not have to go to school tomorrow. 

From what she told you she loved her first week in the new school and already had made some new friends. You hoped you would be able to invite them over to your new place once you had settled in. 

Something you had to talk about with Tommy. And Joel. 

You would be lying if you said you weren’t a little anxious to meet Joel Miller. You had spent a little time researching him and the farm after dinner, the reviews on google making it sound like he was an absolute nightmare to be around. 

You just hoped his brother Tommy was right and Joel would see that he needed some help with the farm. 

Your bags were already packed for the big first day tomorrow. Deciding to take one last bubble bath in the old bathtub you got out of your clothes, not knowing if your new place had one too. You sank into the hot water, sighing loudly as the heat seeps into your skin. This had to work, for you and for Ellie. This was the chance you needed to make a real life for the two of you, one where you could be finally be happy. You had some great ideas for the Christmas tree farm, you could make it into the thriving business that Joel and Tommy wanted it to be. Tommy seemed to have your back, you just had to win Joel over. 

Which left you with nothing but anxious excitement for the days to come. 

Meanwhile Joel was sitting on his porch on the other side of town, looking up at the night sky, the stars flickering in the far distance where he imagined his little girl watched over him. 

He knew that whatever he was doing with the farm wasn’t working. He knew he needed help. And he knew he would never ever search or ask for help himself. 

He was a big part of the problem and if he wanted to save this place, he needed some change. And maybe that change could be you. 

So he decided to try to meet this woman with an open mind the next morning. 

Not knowing meeting her would be the beginning of something that would change his life forever. 

[christinamadsen]

Timeline of Rumors

Pairing: Paul Mescal x Reader [SMAU]

Warnings: sweet moments, laughter giggles, just general fluff

a/n: IGNORE THE FACECLAIM they're placeholders just picture what you like!

SEPT 1, 2023

iampedro'sloyalsubject BRO PEDRO AND Y/N ARE AT THE SAME RENAISSANCE TOUR NIGHT AS ME HOLY SHIT I CAN SEE THEM.

y/n’swife ARE YOU SERIOUS PROOF

joelmillersbitch I’M SO FUCKING JEALOUS ARE YOU SERIOUS!

iampedro'sloyalsubject I knew they mentioned going to the concert but I assumed in New York not fucking LA.

pleasebemywifey/n MY FRIENDS GOT TICKETS FOR THIS NIGHT AND WE SAW THEM COMING IN ALONG WITH SARAH PAULSON AND PAUL MESCAL

paulsoulmate …what. PAUL IS THERE?!?!?

pleasebemywifey/n YES!! I TOTALLY FREAKED SEEING Y/N WITH PAUL

A new video by loyalservantofy/n.

The footage shows two girls dancing to the preshow music dressed in silver beside the barricade. The girl holding the camera's face drops when Pedro Pascal is walking alongside Sarah Paulson from the background for a brief moment.

“PEDRO!” The girl screeches turning the camera so it is facing the walkway gaining the male actor’s attention and he sends a smile their way along with a wave which makes the pair of girls fangirl even more.

“I love you, Sarah!” The other shouts to Sarah who smiles and mouths back, “I love you too!” Their excitement only grows from fangirls of Pedro to a full breakdown when they see the coming behind the pair is Y/n L/n dressed in an outfit inspired by Beyonce’s Dangerously In Love Album Cover followed by Paul Mescal who is dressed in all black the pair talking amongst each other while being guided by security.

“Y/N I LOVE YOU!” The girls screech and the young actress sees them sending them a dazzling smile and blowing multiple kisses.

“You guys look gorgeous!” You shout to them over the music and other fans take videos and flashes of cameras. The girls squeal still in awe that they had this insane interaction with these famous stars.

A new video by pedrobbygurl: Didn’t even realize during the Mute Challenge who was behind us!

In the video during the song ‘Energy,’ the crowd bumps to the music as a girl records herself singing along to the words. In the background are Pedro and Sarah singing swaying to the music and beside them are Paul and Y/n singing to each other, mainly Y/n singing to Paul as he smiles looking down at her.

“Look around everybody go mute!” The crowd instantly goes silent and in the background, Y/n rushes to cover Paul’s mouth a wide grin on her face as the whole stadium waits for Beyonce’s cue.

“Look around it’s me and my crew!” Beyonce sings and the crowd roars and you remove your hand from Paul’s mouth as he starts laughing.

“Big Energy!” You both scream before continuing to dance to the rest of the concert.

PedroPascalMessiah Everyone say thank you to Y/n for making sure Paul didn’t fail the Mute Challenge.

ynlover THANK YOU MY WIFE 🙌🏼

paulmescalbby THANK YOU Y/N! Also, y’all noticing how often Y/n and Paul have been hanging out since they were seen together at the Met Gala?

cassiebeans no totally! Like I don’t want to assume anything especially with Paul so secretive [since the Phoebe drama] and we rarely hear about Y/n’s dating life.

kazmourner SPEAKING FACTS! Like I think they might just be friends because of how close she is with her male co-stars and friends. Like I fully thought she and Freddy Carter were together until he got married to his wife. But I'm down with it they would be super cute together

paulmescalbby Did y'all see how he was looking at her?!?! That doesn’t scream friends. BUT ALSO DAISY AND PAUL MY LOVES

A new story post by theeey/n_l/n

The first story is just a photo that has a selfie of the four of you. Sarah and Paul have regular smiles while posing for the picture, you have a bright smile that even through the photo can show how excited you are to be there and Pedro makes a shocked expression eyes glazed in wonder at the concert not even looking at the camera. The caption on the photo just says in all caps ‘BEYONCÉ BEYONCÉ BEYONCÉ!!’ with everyone in the picture tagged.

The next story is a repost from Sarah’s story, Crazy in Love is playing the camera shows Beyoncé and her backup dancers performing before it pans to Pedro who starts faking crying before screaming into the camera, “I’m fucking dying oh my god!” You can hear Sarah’s laughter behind the phone before it pans to Y/n and Paul behind Pedro dancing singing along to the lyrics.

“Y/n! Paul!” Sarah shouts getting your attention and you turn mouthing the words to the camera as Paul raises his beer to the camera his arm wrapped around your waist. You turn your attention to Pedro grabbing his arm the two of you screaming the lyrics to each other before bursting into laughter then the camera moves back to the stage.

DEC 15, 2024

A new post by y/nownsmysoul: OMG I MET Y/N WHEN VISITING FAMILY IN MALTA AND SHE WAS AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL

The post is a selfie of this girl and Y/n outside a cafe. She was dressed very casually a pair of sunglasses pushing back her hair as the pair smiled at the camera.

The next on the slideshow is the full video interaction of the pair. The camera is mainly pointed at the floor and you can hear a girl mumbling encouragements to herself before the sound of footsteps.

“Excuse…Ms. Y/n. Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you but would you mind getting a photo with me? I understand if not,” Her voice trembles before a sweet voice fills the video.

“Of course so nice meeting you what’s your name?” You ask and the girl lifts the camera using a video to take photos while it still records. Moving your items to one hand allowing you to wrap your arm around her waist.

“It’s Nicole,” She says and Y/n smiles as the camera is raised to show them both, “That’s my sister’s name I love that! Okay, smile.” You say and the two of you do a couple of poses but then your phone rings and the person calling can be shown on the camera. The contact says ‘Paul<3’ and the photo is a never-before-seen picture of Paul drinking a Guinness and getting a foam-stache.

“I gotta run Nicole but it was so nice meeting you! Please tag me in that.” You say and Nicole nods watching you head down the street answering the phone before she turns the camera to face herself a shellshock look on her face.

“Holy shit I just met Y/n.”

y/nownsmysoul LOOKING BACK I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE WHO CALLED HER.

mescalluver OMG THAT PIC! I just fell to my knees in the middle of the street

y/nmescal ‘Paul<3’ BITCH THEY ARE LOVERS NO DOUBT!

y/nsandpedrosbitch What is she doing in Malta? Is she there for Pedro and Paul?! I NEED ANSWERS 🛐🛐🛐

DEC 19, 2023

A new post by theeey/n_l/n

liked by pascalispunk, bigbreadpedlar, and others

theeey/n_l/n Reunited with my favorite guys

tagged: pascalispunk and bigbreadpedlar

pascalispunk I’m shredding your plane ticket you aren’t going back to NYC

theeey/n_l/n fine by me P as long as you're paying my flight back.

pascalispunk ….no

bigbreadpedlar So glad you came <3

theeey/n_l/n ofc! Had to see you in action.

jospehquinn Betrayed…I thought I was a part of the ‘guys’ Y/n. I thought we had something.

theeey/n_l/n I still love you JOSEPH!

cocoullrich The three musketeers together.

DEC 31, 2023

paulsbitch THEY CONFIRMED HOLY FUCK 😀

y/nwife BRO I FELT MY SOUL SHATTER MY LOVER IS NO LONGER MINE! 😦

joelmillerswife.soulmate I FUCKING KNEW IT SINCE THE MET GALA THEY HAD SHIT BREWING 🥳🥳

HusabandtoY/n.Paul BRO THEY BOTH ARE SO HOT. IDK WHO I’D RATHER BE.

A new post by entertainmentweekly: "Star Wars and Gladiator 2 Stars finally confirms the relationship we’ve all been dying to know. View the article to learn of the full timeline."

A new post by theeey/n_l/n

liked by pascalispunk, bigbreadpedlar, bella ramsey and others

theeey/n_l/n So happy to enter this new year with you. So excited to see what is in our future💕

tagged: bigbreadpedlar

bigbreadpedlar love you mo chroí ❤️

theeey/n_l/n 🥰

pascalispunk I’m so happy for you guys making my old heart sing.

theeey/n_l/n awww i love you P 🫶

pascalispunk ❤️

bellaramsey Stop you two are literally so cute together!

nicoparker I second that ☝🏽

zendaya Absolute cuties

A new post by bigbreadpedlar

liked by theeey/n_l/n, pascalispunk, 19irmcas, and others

bigbreadpedlar: To my favorite person — you made this year feel like magic. Can’t wait for what’s next.

tagged: theeey/n_l/n

theeey/n_l/n I love you, you big sap 💕

bigbreadpedlar I love you more

pascalispunk I’m getting cavities on how sweet you two are.

19irmcas You both are so hot

cocoullrich correct

josephquinn paul you better watch after her that is my unofficial sister!

theeey/n_l/n don’t remember our parents getting married but I love the sentiments

[christinamadsen]

By Your Side

Summary       : Logan takes care of his sick girlfriend. Note               : fluff

Logan’s POV

The early morning sun barely filtered through the curtains, casting a dim light over the room. I sat at the edge of the bed, listening to her labored breathing. She was still asleep, bundled under layers of blankets. Even though it wasn’t cold, her skin had felt clammy when I touched her forehead earlier.

She stirred slightly, and a soft groan escaped her lips. My chest tightened. I hated seeing her like this, vulnerable and uncomfortable. She wasn’t one to complain about anything, always the strong one. But today, she was curled up in bed, her body fighting off whatever nasty bug had gotten hold of her.

I brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. Her usually vibrant expression was pale and flushed, her cheeks tinted with a fever that just wouldn’t break. I leaned down and kissed her forehead gently, careful not to wake her.

This wasn’t the first time I’d been around someone sick, but it felt different. This was her. My girl. The person I’d gladly take a bullet for. And I couldn’t do anything except watch her suffer through this damn fever.

I stood up and walked over to the small table where I’d set up everything she might need. There was a bowl of soup I had made—okay, tried to make—and some water, tissues, and the cold medicine the doc had given me. The doc said she just needed rest and fluids, but I wasn’t convinced.

“Baby?” Her voice was a soft rasp, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I turned around to see her struggling to sit up, her eyes half-closed as she blinked groggily at me.

“Hey,” I said softly, crossing the room and sitting down beside her. “Don’t try to get up. You need to rest.”

“I’m fine,” she whispered, trying to muster up a smile, but it faded quickly as she winced, pressing a hand to her head.

I shook my head, chuckling quietly. “You always say that, even when you’re not. You’re stubborn, you know that?”

She let out a weak laugh, but it quickly turned into a cough. I handed her the glass of water I had prepared earlier, watching as she sipped slowly, her hand shaking slightly.

“You don’t have to take care of me like this,” she said after a moment, her voice small.

I frowned, my hand instinctively moving to brush my thumb over her cheek. “Yeah, I do,” I said quietly, locking eyes with her. “You take care of me every day in ways you don’t even realize. You’re always there, making sure I don’t do anything stupid or get myself killed.”

A tiny smile played on her lips, but her eyelids were heavy with exhaustion.

“Besides,” I added, leaning in closer, “I kinda like taking care of you. Even if it’s just making sure you take your meds and get some sleep.”

She sighed and let her head fall back onto the pillow. “You’re too good to me.”

I grunted, not entirely sure how to respond to that. The truth was, she deserved more than I could give her most days, but if taking care of her now was something I could do, then hell, I was going to do it right.

“Close your eyes,” I whispered, tucking the blanket around her more securely. “I’ll be right here.”

Her eyes fluttered shut, and within minutes, her breathing evened out again. I stayed where I was, watching her chest rise and fall, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. She’d be fine. I’d make sure of it.

As long as she needed me, I wasn’t going anywhere.

[christinamadsen]

Holly Jolly - A Complete TLOU Christmas Story

Joel Miller has never been a fan of Christmas. It's stressful, it's expensive and it's depressing. But a chance meeting in line to take his five-year-old daughter to see Santa might just change that.

A grumpy-sunshine friends-to-lovers short fic.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Grumpy/sunshine; slow burn for a short fic; NO SMUT; No use of Y/N; No age gap; Modern no-outbreak AU; Fluff; Parent Joel; Single sort of parent Reader; Overall blog is 18+ so minors DNI.

A03 | Full Masterlist

Chapter 1 - Jolly Old St. Nicholas

Chapter 2 - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Chapter 3 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

[christinamadsen]

✨Saving What Was Lost Part 5: Friday Night In✨

Pre-Outbreak! Joel Miller x fem! reader

Series Masterlist

A/N: I love this story so so much, and this chapter was the best to write 🥹 Joel is so soft for reader 😭 I can’t wait to bring you more of their slow burn journey 🩷

Chapter Summary: It’s just a misty November Friday night in, but Joel’s spending it with you as a movie night.

Rating: 18+ only MDNI

Word Count: 5.3k

Chapter Tags: Soft! Joel, protective! Joel, a little angst, lots of fluff and yearning, slow burn, Joel and reader have a movie night, lots of feelings, dual POVs, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Joel is in his late 40’s)

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

 It’s just a casual Friday evening in Austin, one where you’re curled up on the couch and Joel’s on the opposite one adjacent to you. It’s become kind of a normal thing, maybe even something you’re comfortable with. Except this time you’re not reading a book, and he doesn’t have a newspaper or his phone in front of him. This time, the flat screen tv is flickering to life in front of you while the fire crackles and pops in the living room. This time, it’s a movie night. Something that he suggested to you first.

   “Why don’t you pick something out? Whatever you like.” He pushes the sleek black remote toward you on the coffee table, and you reach out and take it carefully.

   You slowly thumb through the movie channels, taking your time to read over and assess each title that comes up on the glow of the screen. Some are brand new, ones you’ve never heard of, but a lot of them are movies you’ve seen once upon a time ago. 

   You’ve been wondering what kinds of movies Joel’s into. He’s not usually the type to sit down and watch something. Not that you’ve seen, anyway. Sure, you’ve seen him click through the news a few times, maybe to see the weather report, but you’ve never seen him really sit down to indulge in any sort of show or movie. You wonder if he’s ever been into that. 

   You love movies. Movie nights used to be your favorite thing in the world. It used to be your safe place amongst the chaos at home. A place where you could hide and disappear into the screen for a few hours to escape the noise. You wonder if Joel ever does that when his job gets rough. He needs his own escapes too from the horrors he sees from his line of work. You wonder what brings Joel Miller peace. You have a feeling it used to be his guitar. The one he never plays anymore…

   Going back up the list, you pause when you see Gone with the Wind. That was always one of your favorites. One you’d keep going back to. You’d play it so many times that the DVD player eventually quit reading the scratched-up disk. It’s been such a long time since you got to watch it. So, so long.

   “You wanna watch that one?” Joel asks from the other leather couch. 

   You tap your thumb against the edge of the remote, nervously looking at him as if he’ll walk right out of the room if you say yes. It’s a romantic movie. Joel won’t want to watch that, would he?

   “Yes, if that’s okay with you. You can tell me if you don’t want to.” You flick your eyes back to him, watching as he leans back against the leather, one leg thrown over his knee, big arms crossed over his chest, pulling at the red flannel he has on. But he’s not frowning, he’s smiling. 

   “Sweetheart, I told you I’d let you pick. We can watch whatever you want. If you wanna watch Gone with the Wind, then that’s what we’ll watch. I meant it when I said whatever you want.” His kind brown eyes say the same. Whatever you want.

   You pull the wool blanket over your lap and click on the title, hovering over the play button as Rhett and Scarlett appear on the main menu. You glance back over to Joel and ask him once more, “You sure?”

   “Positive,” he answers automatically.

   “Okay then, Gone with the Wind it is.” As you tap on the start button, the movie comes to life instantly, playing back that old theme song that’s been ingrained in your brain all these years. A little spark of joy ignites in your mind. It’s like you’re back in your old bedroom, having a movie night with just yourself. Except now you have Joel.

   “Ya know, this isn’t my first time watchin’ this.”

   Your head snaps in his direction at his response. “You’ve watched this before?”

   “Once or twice,” he chuckles.

   “Twice?” you gawk, mouth open as if he just said pink was his favorite color.

   “What?” he laughs. “A guy can’t watch romance movies?”

   “Oh, no. Of course they can. I just didn’t pin you as a romantic movie type.”

   He shrugs and smiles. “Well, guess there’s still some things you don’t know about me, sweetheart.”

   “Guess you’re right.” Your eyes fall back on the colorful screen as the opening scene takes place. But you can’t quite shake what he just said. 

   After a few minutes of silence, except for the crackle of the fireplace and the voices on the screen, you say something a bit out of character. “I’d like to know.”

   “Hmm?” 

   You clear your throat and faintly turn your head toward him, afraid if you look him dead in the eyes you’ll chicken out. “I umm… I’d like to get to know you more, I mean.”

   He gives you an easy smile, one that tugs at the corners of his lips and makes his eyes sparkle. It makes your heart stop for a second. “That can be arranged, angel.”

   Angel. There’s that nickname again. One that sends your heart soaring out the window. 

   You turn back to the tv and readjust your position, pulling your knees against your chest and biting down on your lower lip to keep your smile at bay. God, you hope you’re not blushing. You’re definitely blushing. 

   You’re not just falling for Joel Miller. You’re crashing and colliding into the unknown. Forget airbags, they’d be no use to you now. He’s… perfect. 

   As Scarlett flashes across the screen, Joel scoots to the edge of the couch, grabbing your attention. “You want some popcorn?”

   “Only if you put extra butter on it for me.” 

   He chuckles a breathy laugh and shakes his head. “How’d I know you were gonna ask for that?”

   Shrugging your shoulders innocently, a shy smile curls across your lips. “Guess you just read me well.”

   He ticks his jaw and stares at you a second, a look like he is reading you. You don’t know why, but it makes butterflies flit through the pit of your stomach. “That I do. And ‘course, extra buttery popcorn comin’ right up for you, sweetheart. Let me go get it started.” He exits the room, taking his woodsy scent with him. 

   You fiddle with your bottom lip, focusing back on the colorful scenes on the screen, but all you’re really thinking about is how Joel is in the other room, making popcorn for the two of you. Going as far as getting you extra butter. But he’s always like that. Always going that extra mile to make sure you’re comfortable and taken care of. 

   He’s an acts of service kind of man. You see that now. Not just with you but with everyone. Even with all the girls he’s saved or his daughter or just someone he cares about. And that in itself tells you enough. He’s kind and caring, more so than you ever expected him to be. And somehow, he still surprises you every day.

   He slips back into the living room, two full glasses of water in hand, and then he’s setting one down on the coffee table in front of you. “Here ya go, sweetheart. Figured you’d need some water.”

   You reach out to take a swig and give him a smile after you swallow. “Like I said. Always think of everything, don’t you?” He only chuckles and takes a sip from his own glass, and then he’s sitting against the back of the couch, just waiting for the popcorn to be done cooking.

   A moment of silence slips across the room, only the low murmurs of voices floating through the speakers. You have this inkling in your chest to tell him something personal, something from your childhood. So, you do. “I used to love Friday nights. I’d always run home after school to watch reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And then I’d stay up way too late watching old black and white romance movies. Sometimes I’d stay up the entire night and then pass out for half the day Saturday.”

   He rakes a hand over his dark scruff, eyes falling back on you as he chuckles. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer, huh? Sarah used to beg me to buy her the DVDs.”

   “Well, she’s got good taste.”

   He stretches his arms behind his head, adjusting his position on the leather. One leg crossed over the other, completely at ease in his own house. “Wasn’t half bad a show, actually.”

   “It was the best,” you confirm.

   He takes a good look at you, stretching his smile wider as one of his hands laces through his tousled locks. “So, you really like movies then?”

   “Mmm. I guess you could call it a safe haven. At least, it was for me.” You pause for a minute, watch his eyebrows knit as he registers the pain behind your eyes. “Mom and dad used to fight a lot. Sometimes all day long. So I kinda fell into a habit of locking myself in the bedroom with the tv turned up loud enough where I couldn’t hear them. It was either that or stay at a friend’s house.”

   He watches you carefully, his jaw twitching while he thinks before he speaks. “M’sorry ‘bout your parents, sweetheart.”

   You brush it off like it’s nothing. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

   “I’m also sorry for how you lost them,” he says slowly, like he’s watching you walk across a frozen lake that might open up and swallow you whole.

   Your eyes drop to the leather couch, fingers flexing around the warm wool blanket. If you don’t hold on to something, you might just fall through that icy lake that’s now cracking beneath you. “I lost them way before they died. Like I said, I’m used to being alone. Or I was…” You fight to hold in the tears. Instead of letting them go, you swallow them down and act like they were never there in the first place.

   Joel’s soft drawl makes you pull your eyes back up to him. And when you look into those caramel pools, you feel a sob get lodged in your throat. “Doesn’t add up to much, but you’ve got me now. Ya know, if you need me. You’re not alone anymore,” he murmurs quietly. You fear you’ll always need him now.

   You force out a smile, giving him the best one you can conjure up when you feel like you’re in pieces. “And that means the world to me, Joel.” He smiles in response and lets his gaze shift back to the movie that’s playing across the flat screen.

   Your imagination starts to tick in your mind, thoughts of Joel’s family suddenly flashing like a scene through the wires in your brain. Are his parents still around?

   Darting your tongue across your bottom lip, you look back over his way and ask what’s on your mind. “Do you still see your parents?”

   His fingers flex around the leather as he cautiously looks up at you. “My dad moved up to Colorado to start a tree farm a few years ago. I see him when I can, but it’s not often. Not like when he used to live here. He calls a lot, so we do talk frequently. But it’s been a few months since I’ve seen him. And my mom…” He pauses for a beat, and you don’t miss that sparkle of a held back tear shimmer in his eye against the muted lighting. “She… she died of cancer right before Sarah was born.”

   The room is suddenly heavier as you digest the information, letting it hit you right in the heart where it hurts most. “Joel… I’m so sorry. That must’ve been an awful thing to go through.” 

   He nods slowly with heavy eyes. “It was. I really could’ve used her help with Sarah ‘cause her… Well, Sarah’s mom walked out on us about a month after Sarah was born.”

   Your eyes blow wide, and there’s nothing you can say to take that kind of pain away. You’re stunned in place. How could anyone ever leave him? 

   Shifting in your seat, you give him your most sincere, apologetic look you can muster up. “Oh, that’s… Joel. I don’t even know what to say.”

   He gives you a sad smile and shakes his head like he’s fine, but he’s not fine. You can see it deep in his brown eyes. “S’okay. You don’t gotta say anything. Happened a long time ago. And she never wanted to be a mother, so I should’ve known she’d do that. Still hurt like hell, but I was more torn apart for Sarah ‘cause she never got to have a mother, and she deserved one. She deserved a good mother.”

   And Joel deserved someone that loved him right…

   You pause and then whisper across the room, “If it’s any consolation, I think she has the best dad.”

   “Best dad, huh?” he chuckles out with his head cocked in question. The little sparkle in his brown eyes makes your heart stop for a beat. 

   You nod in agreement. “The very best. Even though I haven’t met Sarah, I know you love her very much. And from what you tell me, I know she loves you more than life itself.” 

   A warm smile cracks over his lips. “She is my world, and I do love her more than anything. Guess she’s kinda kept me in one piece all these years. Her and Tommy...”

   “She’s lucky then. Not everyone gets a loving father or just family in general.” Your eyes fall to the ground, locking on a tiny scratch that could have easily been missed by the naked eye. You just stare until your mind blurs together, until you forget exactly how badly your heart still hurts from your childhood. 

   Joel’s low timbre shakes you from past memories. Memories you don’t want to relive. “Sweetheart, I—” The faint beeping from the microwave interrupts his sentence, and you don’t dare let him finish. 

   “The popcorn’s done,” you breathe out, finally having the nerve to look up into those concerned pools of honey.

   “Right…” He looks at you for a beat like he wants to say something else, but he leaves it alone, and then he pushes himself up with a grunt. “Be right back.” He disappears into the other room, leaving you alone with the flickering tv screen and the lit sandalwood candle in the middle of the coffee table. 

   You get lost in the scene, silently laughing at all the men trying to win Scarlett’s affection. You feel a little lighter, a little less sad than you were mere seconds ago. The cozy wool blanket seems to help ease it away.

   It doesn’t take long to see Joel’s large figure reemerge in the living room. Butter and salt permeate through the air, feeding your hunger for a delicious movie snack. His large hand brushes past your knees and then he sets the bucket of fresh popcorn right in front of the coffee table for you. “Here ya go, sweetheart. Extra butter, jus’ like you like it.”

   You flash a smile his way. “Thanks, Joel.” He gives you a nod as he falls back into the leather of the couch, getting comfortable with a glass of iced water and the comfort of the television.

   Falling into a comfortable silence, you can’t help but keep a smile on your face as the movie plays on. This is actually the most relaxed since you’ve been here. It feels like a normal Friday night. No kidnappings, no auctions, no fears of being taken at any second. It’s just still and peaceful and warm. Like Joel’s big chocolate eyes. 

   As the movie goes on, you sneak a peek over at Joel, watching as he enjoys the film. His knees are spread wide, one hand perched on his thigh, the other resting comfortably on his cheek. He’s got a soft smile curved on his mouth, his eyes almost starry-like as pictures flick across the gold flecks in his eyes. He looks… happy, relaxed, like he’s enjoying this. 

   You get lost in the way his easy laugh floats across the room, get a bit dizzy as he laces his fingers through his salt-and-pepper locks. You’d like to do that one day, maybe. Run your fingers through his curls, let them sink and tangle around the dark strands. You’d like to try your luck when you’re brave enough. You guess you haven’t noticed before, or maybe you were too traumatized by fear. But right now, under the soft lighting of the living room, you realize he’s so beautiful. Inside and out. He’s perfect. 

   Joel breaks his contact from the tv and looks over in your direction. Like a mouse caught in a trap, you’ve just been caught red handed gawking at the very essence of him. Your cheeks flush red from being caught. Snapping your eyes right back to the television, you pretend you weren’t just caught in the spotlight. But there he is out of the corner of your eye chuckling under his breath. Maybe it wasn’t the worst thing to be found out.

   A few moments later, the urge for more salty goodness draws you to the popcorn bucket. You reach over, eyes still on the lit-up screen, and just as you slip your hand into the bucket, your fingers meet the back of a strong, calloused hand. Gasping, you snatch your arm back and break the connection of warm skin on skin. “Sorry,” you say hurriedly, apologizing for the meet of hands. 

   He lets out a soft chuckle and reels his hand back, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth. “S’alright. I don’t bite,” he smirks. And just by the flash of that mischievous smirk, your cheeks are painted crimson once again. 

   You fall back into a comfortable silence, but you can’t seem to stop thinking about how warm his hand was. Calloused and rough, but it felt… good. You secretly hope your hands meet again. Maybe you’d let yours linger a little longer this time. 

   The deep sound of Joel clearing his throat makes you turn toward him. “Ya know, if you wanted to, we could make movie night a weekly thing.”

   A hopeful smile stretches over your mouth. “You’d want to do that?” 

   He shrugs and grins. “Why not? I like movies and popcorn. And besides, I’m in good company.”

   He’s in good company. He likes watching movies with you. He likes spending time with you. Wait. He likes spending time with you?

   You let the thought churn in your head, letting it spin a few times to realize this is all real. You want to have movie nights with him. You want to spend more time with him. Maybe… maybe you like him too. “Okay. I’d like that a lot,” you smile just as you take a sip of cold water from your glass.

   “Friday nights work for you?” he asks. “Or would another night be better?”

   “Fridays are perfect.”

   “Looks like it’s settled then,” he smiles, crossing his arms behind his head, comfortably glancing over at you.  “I’ll write it on the calendar. Mark it in ink.”

   Mark it in ink. Permanent ink.

   Joel leans into the plush of the leather, legs spread comfortably, his palm gliding down the scruff of his beard. The tv flickers in the near distance, the fire crackling softly as warmth radiates through the open room. 

   When’s the last time he really sat down to watch a movie? Maybe when Sarah was back home. 

   His eyes trail over to you, not being able to help himself. His breath nearly catches when he sees the smile painted on your pretty mouth. Eyes wide and full of light as you watch the television with your soft blanket thrown across your lap. He’s never seen you look so… alive. 

   That’s it. That’s the word. You look so full of life, which makes a soft smile spread over his mouth, filling him with a warm fuzzy feeling buzzing in the base of his chest. 

   He loves to see it. Eyes sparkling like Christmas lights, hope saturated in your soft glow, hair thrown carefree across your shoulders. You. The perfect reflection of a bottle of hope.

   He’s so soft. Soft like melted marshmallows overflowing in a cup of hot chocolate. And that little flutter he gets in his chest every single time he sees a faint hint of a smile meet your lips makes him lose his balance, makes his axis tilt just a little off center. 

   He’s just so fucking soft... for you.

   Sighing, he lets his fingers drag slowly over his mouth as he watches you instead of the movie. Watching every turn of your head, every curl of your lips, every single fucking thing you do. He can’t seem to take his eyes off you. You’re just so… breathtaking. Not just that. He thinks you’re the most beautiful angel he’s ever seen.

   So fucking beautiful…

   He groans to himself, lets his head fall back so he can close his eyes and clear his racing mind. And through the thick fog, he finds his way back to you and your twinkling eyes. Finds the peace he needs to know you’re safe, you’re healing, and you’re going to be just fine one of these days. 

   For now, you’re safe and comfortable in the comfort of his space. One day you may drift away, might spread your gorgeous wings and fly far, far away. But deep down, he hopes you’ll stay. 

   Please, stay…

   “Joel?” you call, your head turning to look over at him while the movie runs.

   “Hmm?” he hums out, eyes looking into your sparkling ones.

   “Thank you for watching Gone with the Wind with me.” The softest of smiles curls over your pretty lips, making his heart skip a beat.

   He smiles over at you and falls a little more. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.” 

   He loves watching movies with you.

   The end credits of the movie start rolling just as the clock strikes one in the morning. He rubs the backs of his hands over his eyes, fighting off a yawn as a wave of tiredness crashes against his body. Leaning forward, he pulls himself up and glances your way. “Sweetheart, that was—” He stops himself the second he sees you passed out, blanket up under your chin, soft breathing leaving your pretty lips. 

   A gentle smile spreads across his lips as if he’s seeing you in a new light. You’re so relaxed, so peaceful. No nightmares, no thrashing in your sleep. Just at ease. A calm serenity that surrounds you like a soft cloud. 

   Even though you look comfortable with your fingers curled around the wool blanket and your head pressed against the leather cushion, he really doesn’t want to leave you on the couch. You’d be more comfortable up in your own bed, tucked into your warm sheets. 

   He slowly makes his way over to you and crouches down to where he’s eye level with you, gently brushing his palm against your shoulder. “Sweetheart?” he asks quietly, hating to wake you up from a deep sleep.

   “Hmm?” you groan out, curling yourself into a ball as you tuck the blanket into the crook of your neck, too tired to open your eyes all the way. 

   “You fell asleep,” he says, voice low so he doesn’t disturb your peace.

   “What? No,” you shake your head, eyes still half closed, denying that you fell asleep. ”I saw the whole thing.”

   He chuckles and cards a hand through his tousled locks while he tries not to think about how adorable you’re being right now. “Afraid you fell asleep somewhere in the last half,” he says, remembering how you kept dozing off little by little as the clock got closer to midnight. 

   “I was still watching,” you pout with a puffy lip as you let out another tired yawn, stretching your arms like a napping cat.

   Christ. You’re adorable.

   “Oh, still watching, hm? Then how come your eyes were closed?” he chuckles softly.

   You grab for the remote but miss it by mere inches. “Just turn it back on. I’ll watch what I missed.”

   He clicks his tongue and grins from ear to ear. “Nuh-uh. It’s late. There’s always tomorrow.”

   “But I’m not tired,” you whine out, pouting your lips as your eyelids flutter closed. 

   Such a sleepy girl. 

   “Oh, yes you are,” he laughs, his voice bouncing off the walls as it ricochets and floats right back to him, making another giant grin curl over his mouth. 

   When did you become so… cute? Yeah, that’s what you are. Cute. Playful. Adorable. 

   “But I…” You try to protest, but he stops you before you can finish.

   “C’mon, sleepyhead. Let’s get you up to bed.” He scoops you up in his arms safely, holding you carefully so he doesn’t shatter or break you. He would never do that. Won’t even register the thought in his mind. You’re fragile, delicate like a flower, but he’ll always be so careful with you. Just like this. Right in his arms. As long as you’ll let him. 

   You don’t try to push away from him, you just let yourself fall into warmth. You just sink against his broad chest, let your dainty fingers curl into the cotton of his flannel, your face nuzzling snuggly into the crook of his neck. There’s no hesitation, no ounce of fear. Maybe you’re too tired to process his arms around you, hugging you like a thick jacket against his body. Or maybe it's because you’re starting to trust him, starting to see he really doesn’t want to hurt you. But maybe it’s because you just feel safe like this. Tucked against the body of a man that risked his life to save yours. Or maybe it’s because you don’t want him to let you go just yet. No. Maybe you’ll stay just like this. Your face tucked away into the collar of his flannel shirts that smell like him, pinewood scent surrounding you and covering you like a thick blanket you just don’t want to let go of. 

   So you stay. For now, you latch on like a magnet and let yourself drift to sleep. Because this feels good. This feels right. And in the thick haze, you let him hold you. Just this one time. Just for the moment. Because he feels like he was made to hold you just like this. 

   Joel tiptoes up the winding steps, careful not to jostle you awake, afraid he’ll disturb this guarded moment. Scared he’ll rustle you away from the peaceful slumber you’re in. 

   Carefully stepping down the dark hallway, he quietly opens your bedroom door and carries you to your comfy bed. With his arms folded like wings around you, he holds you close to his chest, guarding you with his life to make sure you feel safe. No more monsters to steal your soul. No more grabbing hands that lash and bite at you with razor-sharp fangs. No more slipping into darkness while they take what isn’t theirs. No more taking advantage of the delicate flower who lost all her vivid petals. Petals you’re slowly growing back.

   He takes one hand and pulls back the purple comforter, untangling your silky sheets while he keeps one flexed arm around you. When he makes enough space for you to slip in, he gently nudges your shoulder to let you know you’re back in your room, and you have to let go. 

   He doesn’t want to let you go. Not just yet, but he can’t be selfish. Can’t keep you to himself. 

   Your slow breaths blow against his neck, fingers lock tighter around his favorite flannel. It’s like you don’t want to let go either.

   ���Gotta let go, sweetheart,” he whispers into your ear, careful again not to disturb you. But you don’t jar awake, only fold tighter into the crook of his neck till your light breaths kiss the shell of his ear. 

   He sighs and carefully untangles you from his arms, gently laying you down into the safety of your bed. He chuckles quietly to himself when your hand still doesn’t register to let go. So slowly, unwantedly, he delicately pries your fingers from his shirt and places your hand softly on the bed. He already misses the warmth of your palm, misses the way you oh so carelessly just folded your weight into him. 

   He thinks he likes that. Holding you in his arms where you’re safe, where you’d be out of reach from anyone that wanted to hurt you. He thinks he could hold you forever just like that. If you were ever his, he would until you told him to stop.

   God. How could anyone have hurt you? You’re so… precious. Just like a gemstone. So delicate and rare and special. So just like the most unique diamond in the world, he’ll make sure you stay safe. 

   He lingers on the edge of the bed, carefully tucking the blanket up over your shoulders, making sure you’re warm and comfortable. He watches you turn ever so slightly his way, but your eyelids don’t flutter open. You just hum softly and fall back into whatever peaceful dream you’re having. 

   Without thinking, he gently grazes the tips of his fingers against a lock of your hair, feeling how soft and velvet-like it feels against the pad of his thumb. He ever so slowly slips the lock of hair behind your ear, letting the back of his knuckles graze your cheek as he takes in the faint blush of your skin.  

   “You’re so beautiful…” he silently whispers, the words floating effortlessly off the tip of his tongue as he stares in awe at the stunning angel that’s safe in his presence. 

   He stays like that another few seconds, until he finally pushes himself off the bed and makes his way to the door, his eyes on you the entire time he moves.

   Beautiful… you’re so fucking beautiful. 

   He said he’d never fall for one of the women he saved. That was never his intention, but what’s this? Sweeping back a piece of your hair, lingering his fingers on your smooth skin, telling himself how stunning he thinks you are, praying you won’t get out of bounds of him. 

   It’s like a slow burn candle, flame flickering in and out against the wind rushing in from the crack in the window. Wax slipping down the wick, the flame still burning bright while the air tries to blow it out till it’s nothing but smoke and memories. 

   That’s what this is. A slow burn of feelings that’s threatening to snap any day now. He’s getting attached, and he doesn’t know if he can stop them from growing into something he can’t control anymore.

   He should pull the reins back, stop whatever this is that’s starting to ignite between the two of you, but he can’t seem to blow out the flame. He can’t seem to stop wanting you…

   Maybe it’s the way you wear his flannels around the house, or maybe it’s the shy smiles and the way you nervously flutter your long eyelashes at him when you try to hide your gorgeous smile, maybe it’s even the way you make this house feel more like a home instead of an empty nest. You make him feel not so alone, and your company is something he doesn’t want to lose. 

   He doesn’t want to lose you… So maybe you’ll stay. He hopes you’ll stay. For as long as possible. Because if you choose to leave, which you probably will one day, he’ll surely lose a piece of himself the day you do.

   Stay. Please… just stay. 

Tag List: @clawdee @jellybeanxc @lotusbxtch @thebeldroramscal @laurrrra

@whxtedreams @sawymredfox @sanarsi @mountainsandmayhem @bitchytimetravelqueen

@southernbe @katinasweeney @pixelspunk @amyispxnk @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

@christinamadsen @aurorawritestoescape @evolnoomym @littlevenicebitch69 @alltheirdamn

@inept-the-magnificent @maried01 @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 @fandomdaydreamer @elliaze

@callmecath1 @kulekehe @yorkshirewench @untamedheart81

@tateypots @stylesispunk @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @mellymbee @pascalsbae

@locaparapedrito @ladyofmidlo72 @readingiskeepingmegoing @copperhalfcent @axshadows

@here-briefly @cozylittlepigeon @pastawench @keylimebeag @joelsoftie

@romanarose @captainredspade @megangovier @bishtrouille @almodovarispunk

@papipascaaaal @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler @bambisweethearts @puddles221b

@valkyreally @northennlights

[christinamadsen]

24 hours

francisco "frankie" morales x british!reader

summary: after a chance encounter on a train, two strangers forge an unexpected connection that lingers beyond their brief meeting.

word count: 6k warnings: none. this is so sweet. epistolary, written like a diary. frankie in the UK and drinking tea hehehe. an: thank you to everyone who has been so patient with me. I first had this idea back in June and I've been slowly (really slowly) writing it since my own train adventure to meet a friend. this is all fluff, all sweetness, and all hopeful. And dedicated to everyone who needs a little joy right now <3

READ ON AO3

tagging those back in june who loved this, sorry for taking six months and those who I've rambled to and said yes please

@vie-is-punk @inept-the-magnificent @schnarfer @msjarvis @secretelephanttattoo

@sawymredfox @ghotifishreads @itsokbbygrl @almostfoxglove @wordywarriorwrites

@mrsmando @jeewrites @toomanytookas @eh-nothanks @titabel

@iknowisoundcrazy @axshadows @readingiskeepingmegoing @thundermartini @harriedandharassed

[christinamadsen]

Gold, Frankie-cense & Myrrh

masterlist | Frankie masterlist | A03 link

Pairing: Frankie Morales x reader

Rating/Warnings: Fluff with some bad innuendos, but 18+, please. Tom lives, but at what cost?

Summary: What if the Triple Frontier boys bought a Christmas tree farm? And what if I wrote a meet-cute about it?

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Happy Secret Santa to @jennaispunk ! Jenn, I hope you like this festive Frankie story! Listen, my phone autocorrects Frankie to Frankincense every damn time, so I finally used that word in something. Spot the other two wise men's gifts in there, too, and scroll to the end for my canva creation for 'Delta Trees'!

Thank you to @whocaresstillthelouvre for organising our Secret Santa.

The engine on your battered little blue car stutters as you swing it into the makeshift parking lot, causing the urn shaped air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror to sway precariously.

You have the heat cranked up as high as it goes, and its smoky balsamic fragrance had filled the car quickly on the drive over here. An acquired taste — Mystic Myrrh as the looping purple script on packet had declared — perhaps that’s why they’d been on sale next to the cash register at the gas station, but you like it.

It’s two weekends before Christmas and Delta Trees Christmas Tree Farm is heaving with people. Your boots crunch against the frozen ground as they carry you across to the forest of pine and fir trees.

So much choice, too much, in fact, but the trees in this first section all appear a bit too perfect for your taste. There’s a glossy looking couple having a photoshoot in front of one of them, and you wonder ‘who brings a tripod and a personalised axe to a Christmas tree farm?’

You like things slightly rougher around the edges, a little knocked about and lived in.

You keep searching, walking deeper into the forest and running your hands across several low branches as you do, knocking flurries of snow onto the floor.

“Need any help, there?” A man in a red puffer coat emblazoned with a Christmas tree logo calls out to you from nearby where he’s attaching price tags to trees. He’s blonde, cute smile.

“I’m fine, just looking for something a little more…me.” You shrug.

You feel something nudge your knee, and on looking down, see that the culprit is the prettiest dog you’ve ever seen.

“Well, hello there, mister.” You say as you bend down to scratch him behind his caramel coloured ears. “Where’d you come from?”

“Snake?” A deep gravelly voice calls through the trees. “Benny…did you see where he went?”

“Relax man, he’s here.” Red puffer coat guy calls to his unseen friend.

A green coat this time, deep, almost viridian green, bright against the trees, and with the same logo as before. “There you are, you menace.” He says as he walks over.

Your new golden furred puppy pal has laid down by your feet and is rolling on his back in the snow like it’s a summer day.

“He didn’t bother you, did he?” The man asks earnestly. You notice that his eyes are a warm, deep brown, like expensive Belgian chocolate.

“No, no. I love dogs, especially Goldies, and he’s adorable.” You smile. “But did I hear you shout the word snake?!”

“Yeah…his name is Snake.” He takes a ballcap off his head — it's bright red and has white faux fur around the trim — and runs his hands through some thick curls that had been squished underneath. “My daughter wanted a snake, I compromised on a dog, so we agreed to a dog called Snake.”

“A snake? She sounds like my kind of kid.” You laugh.

“Yeah, she’s wild. Like her mother.” He says with an eye roll before clearing his throat. “You need any help picking a tree? This is my place, after all.”

“Our place!” His red coated friend yells over. “Funny how it’s your place when you’re trying to pick up-”

“Sorry, our place, Benjamin.” He cuts in. “Benny, Tom, Will, Santiago, and I’m Frankie.”

“Nice to meet you, and yeah, actually, I do?” You screw up your nose. “I don’t want something too perfect.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard that this season.” He laughs. “Come on over this way. I’ll show you the old timers.”

An hour later, your perfect for me tree is wrapped up in white netting and propped up against the cash register. Frankie had carried it on one of his broad shoulders for you, the sight of which had made you feel a little warm underneath your knitted black bobble hat.

The man holding the card payment machine, blue puffer coat, is scowling and sneezing repeatedly. It catches you a little off guard after how friendly the other guys had been.

“Don’t mind him.” Frankie nods and mutters under his breath. “Tom’s an ass, and, as it turns out, he’s allergic to Christmas trees. Pity he bought a stake in the farm isn’t it…”

Frankie’s eyes sparkle in a way that suggests karma has well and truly bitten this guy.

“Need any help getting it to your car?”

You don’t really, there’s several trailers and carts stacked in rows next to you, but you say 'yes, please' anyway. Something makes you want to hold on to a few extra moments with this man.

You open up the trunk, fold the back seats down flat, and then glance between the car and the tree, which suddenly looks a lot larger than before.

Frankie seems to read your mind. “I’ll make it fit.” He says confidently.

The low register of his voice and that phrase makes you feel suddenly lightheaded.

“You will?” You cough to stifle a laugh.

“Yeah.” He gestures, mapping out the space in the air with his large hands. “We just need to angle it right.”

He hears himself and the two of you snort.

“I’m sorry.” You shake your head. “I don’t know why I’m behaving like a teenager.”

“You’re funny. I like that.” He gives you a crooked smile. “But, I actually think you might be right. Good thing we have a home delivery service.”

“Is this you trying to get my address? Smooth.”

He scratches the back of his neck and winds his fingers into the curls behind his ears. It's almost bashful, but there's a spark of something else there, too.

“I can always send one of the other guys if you’d be more comfortable?”

“I’d like a delivery from you and my new best pal Snake, please.” You pat down your pockets for something to write your address on. “You got a pen?”

He reaches for his pocket. “I've got a phone…”

“Shh.” You whisper. “I'm trying to be quirky here.”

Frankie pulls a stubby yellow pencil from the back pocket of his worn jeans and hands it to you.

You glance into your car and grab a discarded red takeout cup from the footwell. The black forest hot chocolate it had contained was long gone, but maybe it'd live on to bring you something else sweet. You scribble your address and phone number onto it and pass it to Frankie.

“Well, we can’t say no to a customer, now, can we boy?” He says to the dog, who's wagging his tail so vigorously that it's thudding against your car door.

It's started to snow again in barely there flakes. Some land on Snake’s nose, and he licks them off enthusiastically. But it's the ones collecting on Frankie’s moustache that has your attention. It takes all your self-control not to swipe them away with the pad of your thumb.

Frankie lifts the tree back onto his shoulder. “My kid is with her mom this weekend, so I could drop it off tonight if that works?”

You close the trunk, slip into the driver seat, and wind down the window.

“Sounds good.” You smile.

You start the engine and get a festive tingle as Christmas music starts playing from the radio. It makes you feel a little silly and a bit bold.

You reverse out of the space and stop level with him. Then you lean out of the window, a wicked smile on your face now.

“Oh, Frankie? One more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Does Delta Trees offer a tree erection service, too?” You blink, feining innocence. “Just in case I need help getting it up.”

You see a flush of pink rise from his freckled neck to his cheeks, and he runs his palm over his patchy scruffy beard, shaking his head affectionately.

“Guess you’ll have to see, won’t you?”

Taglist:

@morallyinept @the-blind-assassin-12 @toomanytookas @schnarfer @maggiemayhemnj

@laughing-in-th3-purple-rain @5oh5 @burntheedges @sawymredfox @sin-djarin

@jolapeno @goodwithcheese @604to647