cheymarieandherthoughts-blog

[cheymarieandherthoughts-blog]

Love & Myself

Valentine’s day is fast approaching and red hearts and chocolate and stuffed animals are everywhere.

Some people love the holiday, others detest it. Some people say it’s just a way for companies to make money, others like having an excuse to spend some extra time showing the person they care about a little extra attention. Well for me, I think it’s a nice holiday for those who have someone special, and if you don’t have someone, then take the time to spend on yourself. Relax, take a bubble bath, and treat yourself to something you usually wouldn’t. Typically I don’t have someone special in my life for this holiday so this year, just as in years previous, I’ll spend time with my best friend. We like having “galantine’s”, just a girl’s night on Valentine’s. Funnily enough we are actually going to go see a thriller movie (it’s a sequel to a movie we both liked). 

In talking about the big love holiday, I want to talk a little about relationships and dating. I don’t know about all of y’all…but the dating world today is the WORST. It’s so confusing and difficult to deal with. I’m such an old fashioned person, I like to be asked out, to be picked up and taken out on a date. Is that too much to ask of guys these days? I’ve even tried being the one to ask the guy out and plan the whole date and meet him there. Not only did I not like that, but it didn’t last between us for very long. I ended up being the one having to make all the plans and put in all the effort.

I’ve also tried dating apps. And let me tell you those are even worse. People these days are way too comfortable hiding behind a screen instead of talking to people face to face and so their confidence behind the screen is enormous, but then you meet them in person and they are either super awkward or overly into themselves. Now I do know some people who have had luck with online dating and ended up meeting their spouse on a dating app. But me? No such luck. And I also know a lot of people who have had the same experiences as me. I just wish that social media and the online world didn’t complicate things. If you meet someone you find attractive and want to get to know them better, then ask them out! Don’t play stupid games or wait around for the other person to make the first move. The whole “knight in shining armor” idea of a guy swooping in to sweep you off your feet and defend your honor is definitely outdated. These days you’re lucky if you can get a guy to respond to your text or seem interested in you at all because he’s just “so busy”. I’m sure there are some girls out there who are living the dream and have a pretty reliable relationship and a guy who will give them the time of day. I’ve just had literally the worst luck when it comes to my love life. 

Also in regards to dating, I am a Christian, as most people who know me or who’ve been reading some of my posts. And I made a choice over ten years ago when I was in high school to wear a purity ring and save myself for marriage. Of course this isn’t the “normal” way to be as people would say. I’ve gotten made fun of, bullied, laughed at and shamed for making this decision. I would say 95% of the time it doesn’t bother me, but there have been a few times when a guy I liked or was talking to found out that I am waiting until marriage and would just stop talking to me. Those couple of times hurt me because I thought that those guys were different. I have given too many guys chance after chance to prove me wrong, but every time I’ve been let down and proven right. 

People these days are too into the “I love them so why wouldn’t I show them that I love them?” Well that’s your choice and mine is to wait to share that part of me with the person I’m going to be with the rest of my life. And it’d be nice if people respected that rather than saw it as a fault of mine. I do not judge anyone who decides to have sex before marriage, just as it’s my choice to wait, it’s your choice to do what you want. I’m not someone who goes around wagging her finger at those who aren’t doing “the Christian thing” as some people would say. Because who I am to judge? We all sin, so I could point fingers, but guess what? I have three fingers pointing back at me when I point a finger at you. So what good am I actually doing if I do that? I have my beliefs and everyone else has theirs. I’m still going to love and support the people I care about no matter their choices, as every Christian should do. We are on this Earth to spread the word of God and to love others as we do that. But as I’ve seen many times again and again, just simply telling people they are sinners and should repent because they are committing those horrible sins is not going to get them to go to church. It’s not going to get them to read the Bible or listen to you share your faith. Listening to them tell their story and being their friend and loving them, showing them that you are there for them and earning their trust, that’s what could get them to believe. **(of course this isn’t always going to work, some people just don’t want to believe so don’t quote me on that)** Okay, now I’ll get off my soap box.

In 2019 I’ve made the decision to just focus on myself and my goals. I know that sounds super cliche, but the last couple of years I was so worried about not finding someone and being so alone that I became obsessed with it and ended up hurting myself and letting others hurt me as well. So I’m in a season of working on me, I’m letting God show me what He wants me to do. I’m spending more time with people who are important to me, I’m doing more of what makes me happy. I’m not looking for people to date, definitely not using dating apps. I’m just taking each week as it comes and planning trips with my family and friends. Although I complained earlier in this post about my love life, I  know that the past few years I honestly wasn’t in a place to be in a relationship. At that time I didn’t know that because I was too focused on trying to find someone. But God’s shown me a lot in the last few months and I know now that I just need to trust Him and His plan for me. And right now He wants me to focus on growing closer with Him and to stop worrying about my future. He’s got in all under control. 

So this Valentine’s Day, if you don’t have someone special, I challenge y’all to focus on the good things in your life. And if you have friends who are also not in relationships, y’all hang out and enjoy each others company. I promise that will keep your minds off the whole being single thing. :) 

*Do what makes you happy*

~Chey Marie

[cheymarieandherthoughts-blog]

You’re Overthinking Again

Anyone else feel like they overthink too much? Especially when you’re alone or sad or waiting on that certain someone to text you?

I know I can’t be alone on that...

I also have this habit of creating conversations in my head with other people, making myself nervous to ACTUALLY talk to them and so I usually end up avoiding them or just keeping my thoughts or concerns to myself and they never know that I’m struggling with anything. 

If you are reading this thinking, “that girl is crazy”, then you aren’t wrong, I just prefer the term empathetic. I am crazy about how other people feel and how what I say or do may affect them, that if they don’t respond a certain way I go into overthinking mode which triggers my anxiety and its just all over by that point. I really struggle with keeping myself from overthinking because I’m such a people pleaser. I have a hard time saying no because I worry how it will affect people and their opinions of me.

So if you are agreeing with all this and thinking “OMG this is me!”, then I have great news...first of all, lets be friends lol, and second of all, I have found some great ways to cope with this problem.

First: I have found that leaving your phone in another room away from you so you aren’t constantly looking for notifications will help ease your mind. Turn that thing off every now and then! Constantly seeking attention is an issue a LOT of people have and we all need to hit the “refresh” button and get away from social media and screen time. So take a morning or afternoon off and get some fresh air, read a book or even take a good long nap. Let your mind have a break too. 

Second: Distract yourself. This lines right up with what I just said. *REWIND* I find that if I give myself a task to do (cleaning, cooking, crafting, organizing, etc) then I’m less likely to dwell on overthinking and letting my anxiety get the better of me. So if there is a project you’ve been putting off and you are having a bad day and you start worrying or making up scenarios in your head, go start working on that project or try that new recipe.

Third: Pray. Y’all know I am a Jesus freak and totally not ashamed *peace sign*. When I’m down in the dumps, I pray. When I am happy as a clam, I pray. When my friends reach out to me for comfort, I pray for them (and for me for guidance to help them). Prayer is a powerful tool and anyone is welcome to use it.

Now y’all remember this post is just what I have found that works for me. What works for me may not work for you or for someone else. But I also wanted to let everyone else who struggles with these issues know that you are not alone. 

Mental health is a topic that is being talked about more since more and more people are dealing with mental illnesses. So some advice I do want to give is make sure to take care of yourself. Mind, body and soul. Don’t run yourself ragged staying busy 24/7. Give yourself a break, spend time doing things you love to do and hanging around people you love. Trust me, you’ll thank me for reminding you to do those things. 

*Do what makes you happy*

~Chey Marie

[cheymarieandherthoughts-blog]

New Year, Fresh Start

The last few years have been quite a rollercoaster for me. Graduating college, moving away from home then back then away again then back again. Getting my first full time job after graduating. Getting my heart completely broken. Figuring out I don’t need to please people all the time. Learning how to stand up for myself. Family drama that taught me forgiveness is a hard hard lesson. It’s been crazy.

But I am determined that 2019 is going to be a GREAT year. The last three months of 2018 have been the best for me and I’m feeling happier than I ever have. No I am not where I want to be financially or physically, but mentally I am in a much happier place than I have been in quite a while. *I think i partially owe that to it being Christmas time!*

But in 2019 I am going to continue adding to that happiness. Making sure I make decisions for me and not based on others and how it will affect them. *(At least not completely basing my decisions on them)* I have done that in the past, always putting others before myself. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but when it affects your own well-being and mental state, sometimes you need to do what’s best for you. And unfortunately that’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I’ve hurt myself more times than I care to mention.

For 2019 I plan to do more of what makes me happy, spending more time with the ones I love and who love me, planning more trips to places that make me happy and shutting out all the things that are toxic in my life and that do not play a positive role in my life. I believe one of the biggest changes will be spending less time on social media and more time doing activities that I love. I want to build this blog up, start making videos again and working on my hand lettering and painting.

I don’t like thinking of any of these as New Year’s Resolutions, because let’s be honest, everyone gives up on those after a few months into the year. But rather I think of it as working towards the person I want to be.

So I want to challenge anyone who reads this to take some time and think of a few small goals you can accomplish next year that will make YOU happy. Not make your family happy, not make your coworkers happy, not make your friends happy, but make YOU happy. What can you do that will make you feel better about yourself, more confident, less stressed and mentally/physically happy?

Let’s all work towards our better selves and in turn be happy and nice towards others. A little way of making this crazy world we live in a better place as well!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Y’all!

*Do what makes you happy*

~Chey Marie

[cheymarieandherthoughts-blog]

Introducing Me

Hey y’all! My name is Cheyenne, but a lot of people call me Chey. (pronounced like “Shy”)

I’m 26 years old, I live outside of Columbia, South Carolina and I work full time as a teller at a local credit union. I graduated from Winthrop University with a degree in Broadcast Journalism, but as you can tell I don’t have a job in my field. :( So to try and get back into something related to it and to do something I love, I decided to start a blog!

This blog will be a conglomeration of random thoughts, ideas, tips, just anything I feel like writing about. And hopefully someone will find it entertaining or helpful. 

I will always welcome feedback or questions or suggestions for future posts. I am so excited about starting off 2019 and finally getting back to writing!! 

*Do what makes you happy*

~Chey Marie

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