chaoticpoetryy

[chaoticpoetryy]

Pain of truth after lies

Oh how I wondered, just a mere child I was

When I would find the long rugged trail with horse and carts and men, disappearing over the hills to that of the unknown

Oh how I wished the unknown was known to me

Where are the monsters to battle and villages to save?

When will my journey to adventure, strange friends and heroism begin?

Hunkered over books with a torch under blankets at midnight

Oh how I wondered, as a hopeless romantic tween

When the vampire would come through my window at night, and whisk me away to a dark and dangerous destination

Oh how I searched, for the hidden door, for a magical quill, why aren’t I allowed to explore a forest? Why do the fairies hide from me?

Why was I lied to?

[chaoticpoetryy]

You’re a story, that I’d happily spend hours reading. Honestly I’d do anything for just a page. And to be in your book? To be words intertwined with yours, through the scrawled scenes, thoughts and atmosphere… Well, I’d have to show my immense gratitude, I’d have to give you a brilliantly irresistible romance and make it a magnificently exquisite love story, wouldn’t I?

[chaoticpoetryy]

My eyes are burning

Hot tears are brimming

Threatening to spill

With my soul

And any piece of goodness

Or care left inside me

Is seeping through my skin

And dripping down my body

Warm droplets falling

Disappearing into the earth

Leaving my skin painted black

As dark as my now nonexistent soul

[chaoticpoetryy]

I don’t want a lot, just little specific things. Nothing huge, I don’t have a big dream. Just vibes and aesthetics, pretty things, art and knowledge. This is all that fills my head day and night. Paracosms and daydreams.

[chaoticpoetryy]

Does anyone else’s gender get triggered? It just flits from one to the other so easily. Like a mood, whoever I’m around has the influence and power to change it. It’s what I feel in my head, then it simply gets expressed. My gender is the vibe

[chaoticpoetryy]

The Bliss of Pain

Desire, desperation, despair

The hollow depths of nothingness

From dead eyes

An unseeing stare

Into voids of nothing

The feeling of numb abyss

Why is it always this

Drowning in a sea of hopelessness

Boredom, weak, loss, sadness, pain, fear

Forced, used, abused, ruined

Desire, desperation, despair

I’ve got an empty soul

But wounds of wisdom

And wise words

That fall lost behind the thick darkened smoke covered corners of my mind

The death of thoughts and feelings lost, too far to grab a hold of through all the inky fog of swirling black misery

All feeling is gone

Nothing is everything

Anything would be better

If happiness is impossible then give me the pain

Destroy me

Wreak me

Brake me

I’m happy to hurt

Swirls of yellow and purple

Dried blood and sweat

Aching bones

Tear stains

Conflict and disaster

Destroyer

Fighter

Abuser

An icy cold rage behind red seeing eyes, with strong fearless thoughts, through a calm piercing pain, that lights fire in my veins

Delight, happiness, calm, appreciation

For I can feel again