case-of-the-strange

[case-of-the-strange]

I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.

I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!

You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.

How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”

I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.

Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-

Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.

[case-of-the-strange]

star wars headcanon time:

- so mon mothma (based on the ep3 deleted scenes) knew Padme pretty well. and consequently TOTALLY clocked that she was pregnant. she knew. a bunch of senators knew. they never said anything because they respected her privacy.

- however padme was good at keeping her Secret Affairs under wraps so mon mothma had no idea who the father was. she never guessed it might be anakin bcos everyone knows Jedi don’t do stuff like that.

- padme dies suddenly & mysteriously. shortly thereafter bail organa and his wife announce that they’ve adopted a baby girl. 

- at the time mon mothma does not think much of this BUT later as leia gets older she begins to resemble padme more and more in both looks & personality and mon mothma is like. hmmm.

- so she draws the natural conclusion.

- padme was having an affair with bail organa! and when she died in childbirth bail quietly ‘adopted’ the baby to avoid the scandal.

- mon mothma elects not to say anything about this because it’s not really her business and also the past is the past and padme has been. dead for several years at this point and she doesn’t feel like opening that wound back up.

- instead she just, takes leia under her wing.

- anyway! later when a kid w the last name Skywalker who says his dad was a jedi shows up to join the rebellion she’s like. hm.

- she didn’t know anakin well but at the very least she knew OF him and they like, probably met

- so she figures anakin must have fathered a child while he was travelling the galaxy during the clone wars. she never really liked anakin so she’s just like ‘hm guess he was a deadbeat dad. can’t say I’m surprised.’

- she is not aware however that Anakin became Darth Vader so she doesn’t really feel the need to say anything to luke about this. as far as she’s aware luke already knows the truth about his parentage. at most she might be like ‘hey I knew your dad a bit, he was a good jedi & a war hero’.

- so as far as mon mothma is concerned, anakin skywalker’s son and padme amidala’s daughter are both fighting for the rebellion. the fact that they’re the same age is just kind of a coincidence. tatooine uses a different calendar from most planets so she never notices that they literally have the same birthday.

- anyway later Leia is like ‘so guess what! luke is my long-lost brother. isn’t that wild?’

- and mon mothma is like

………………….’PADME WAS BANGING ANAKIN SKYWALKER????’

(leia: not what I expected you to take from that but. yeah I guess she was.)

[case-of-the-strange]

Pouring one out for that overwhelmingly Scottish admiral in that one episode who could have easily survived the crashing of his ship but refused to evacuate for??? some???? reason?

[case-of-the-strange]

well yeah, yoda "war crimes" mcgee being homophobic just goes without saying

hi this is sending me

[case-of-the-strange]

I love when chancellor palpatine is being so blatantly evil that even his corrupt and bad advisers are aghast.

[case-of-the-strange]

Can’t get over the fact that mace windu is the only trope savvy person in the entire show.

[case-of-the-strange]

That one episode of clone wars with a shockingly porn-novel title for a kids show:

Anakin: Hey Obi Wan! I know ur basically my dad...

Anakin: and we both took oaths of celibacy as children, which retrospectively was a little weird...

Anakin: but did you and Satine fuck?

[case-of-the-strange]

“Hrrrngg... Colonel, I’m trying to sneak around... But I’m dummy thicc and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards”

[case-of-the-strange]

Star Wars actors really being like “yes I have an active account on AltRightConspiracyTheoriesSocialNetwork dot com but how dare you make this political”

[case-of-the-strange]

Basic Guide to Clone Trooper Armour

I don’t know about you guys, but I have a hard time keeping the terms for various parts of clone armour straight in my mind. So, I decided to make this Guide To Armour, to make my life easier for those times I’m drawing or writing stuff and need to reference what this, that or the other piece is called, how it’s put on or taken off. (I’ve also tried to include/come up with some casual or slang terms for some parts because you cannot seriously expect these guys to use the Right Proper Terminology for everything all of the time.)

This is based on the Clone Wars cartoons, because that’s what I know best. Also, this is just the standard armour of regular troopers; if y’all want something about the possible additions/variations that you could have then lmk and I’ll see what I can put together I guess?

Note: a lot of this terminology is taken from medieval knights’ armour. Many terms are originally French; alternative names provided where possible. I did do a bit of research on medieval plate armour, which is the closest thing I can think of to clone armour, but I am by no means an expert so if you have any input or corrections feel free to @ me. Likewise, if you’ve cosplayed as a clone trooper or stormtrooper, I’d very much like to hear about your experience wearing this stuff, how it moves and how it might be similar or different to the “real thing” so to speak.

Figure 1: Clone trooper armour, front view. Kix got chosen for this because he’s a vain little bastard and loves to be painted. (ETA: this diagram now comes with a second, funnier version.)

(long post under cut)

Keep reading

[case-of-the-strange]

Women of the Galaxy.

[case-of-the-strange]

“Don’t you dare threaten General Organa! This planet wouldn’t still be here if not for her!”

“We don’t want any trouble. We’re on a diplomatic mission.”

“I wasn’t going to allow my friends to suffer while I can do something about it either.” 

“General Organa, I’m truly sorry… I ruined the negotiations.” “Don’t be sorry. No warships are worth the cost of losing sight of what we’re fighting for.”

— Rose Tico in Star Wars: Allegiance (2019)

[case-of-the-strange]

Rex spends all his time putting up with his own general’s antics, does he really have to deal with his brothers’ as well?

Rex, at 3 AM, after getting called by Wolffe to tell him that "no you can do worse things than calling your general dad" and by Bly, who needed to fanboy because Secura is flawless apparently, and by a drunk Fox, who was very close to assassinate Palpatine tonight, just to get called again: i swear if this isn't important-

Cody, who just finished his last mission report, running on two hours of sleep and his tenth cup of caf: the general winked at me today rex what does this mean-

Rex:

Rex: life is a prison and being your brother is maximum security

[case-of-the-strange]

[case-of-the-strange]

Does Ziro the Hutt, a giant slug monster, actually have tattoos?

[case-of-the-strange]

Obi Wan: Good man, that Cody.

Rex: He put a spider in my helmet once.

[case-of-the-strange]

am i the only one who thinks kriff is on the same tier as frick?

like i can suspend my disbelief while reading fanfic, mostly bc it’s so prevalent, but I would never have a character say that myself.

Rating Various Star Wars Curses

a guide w much real swearing, inspired by a midnight convo with @kckenobi​

—————–

crink/crinking – what the actual fuck is this supposed to be. Who came up with this??? We’re only a few letters away from ‘crinkled’ or even ‘tinkled’, god. No self respecting Space Adult is going to use this.—  -2/10 pls try again

sithspit– a classic. can be found everywhere in fic. kind of sounds like you’re hissing, which the sith would probably appreciate actually. (do normal space ppl use this or is it just a jedi thing tho bc most star wars citizens dont seem to know abt the sith???) — 9/10 very sssssssmooth

holy sith!– again with the sith?? ok i guess. a pretty good alternative to ‘holy shit’ but lacks the pazzazz of sithspit which is 10x more fun to say —6/10 reliable but uninspired

frizz/frizzled – what is this, the magic school-bus? I love Ms. Frizzle with all my heart of course, which is why im disturbed by seeing her name used as an approximation of fucked (it kinda sounds like jizz too which I HATEE). I can maybe see it as a kiddie swear like frick though. —3/10 what the frizz is this

dwang– …kind of strange but you know what I’ll accept it –5/10 haha dwang the rock johnson

e chu ta– a solid fuck you. definitely sounds like a space language, and has a nice ring to it when said with passion. works for characters ages 9–>999, thank you kiddie anakin for this gem. –10/10, ‘a fine addition to my collection!!’

sleemo– sounds like the word ‘sleazy’ and for once the real word association does it a favor. You hear this and just KNOW what kind of person it describes. –-8/10 honestly huttese curses can get it

farkled– …this is the name of a fucking dice game. also it sounds nasty                –0/10 get sued pls 

blast– idk if this is actually a star wars curse or an irl thing, but it absolutely should be. you got BLASTers for cripes sake this shit writes itself – 10/10 it just makes sense honey

son of a blaster– ok we get it guns aren’t a thing in space. except they are. sob is great i guess but consider son of a slugthrower boom alliteration plus badass space guns lets go boys —7/10 alliteration is key

kark/karking– amazing. inspired. beautiful. I regularly forget this isn’t an actual thing and use it in everyday life. gotta love the hard consonants she is cathartic as kark to use. – 50/10 she just hits different ok

kriff/kriffing– basically ‘frick’. Actually sounds like a kid-ification of kark and I just really admire that about her. 10/10 all the cool initiates say kriff

bantha poodoo– the one that started this whole discussion. listen, this is fine when you’re 9 year old anakin skywalker and say ‘yippee’ unironically but for anyone else this is just embarrassing – 2/10 ok if you’re baby i guess

skrog/skrogging– at first I was gonna rate this one low bc it sounds weird and is a synonym for fuck (which just ain’t it). but then I thought about it and realized that if you replace bantha poodoo with bantha skrog you actually have a somewhat decent word for space shit. — 6/10 we done figured it out boys 

snark/snarking– this is already a real word. why are you stealing actual live words out of the english dictionary sir that’s  i l l e g a l  — 0/10 for plagiarism

druk– a solid replacement for shit, and more serious than skrog (though bantha skrog sounds better than bantha druk imo). gotta love those consonants, and a ‘drukload’ of problems is a phrase that just works. 9/10 will always be there for you

krong– I just… I dont… know? How i feel abt this. reminds me of king kong donkey kong AND kronk from emperors new groove. maybe thats my own brains fault but also where does this work?? ‘dont krong things up’ just use kark? ‘bantha krong’ just use skrog or druk. In conclusion? –4/10 ok but you can do better

schuta– we’re branching out folks! finally, a twi’leki curse. she’s catchy and  very fun to say, but it does mean slut, and we respect women in this household. If you wanna make a very despicable character say it though it will help make us all want to beat ‘em up :) —5/10 all women are QUEENS george

vape/vaping– … ill give u a pass bc I dont think vaping was a thing when this word was made, but this straight up doesn’t work in the blessed decade of 2020 —1/10 you’re on thin fucking ice

shab/shabuir– not to be confused w ‘shebs’ which is just mandalorian booty, this is mandalorian shit. Sounds like a real word, is mandalorian which automatically makes everything 10x more legit, and has that lovely insult variation! —7/10 truly some shit I can get behind (heh)

vong– we don’t mention the y**zhan v*ng in this household — -∞/10 legends can get right tf outta here

shavit– friends, I had to look this one up to make sure it wasn’t actually a real swear word. I think I’ve picked this one up through osmosis reading fic bc I’ve definitely used this in real life. that’s quality folks. — 10000+/10, will unironically say this from now on

————-

KC, I cried laughing at some of these I truly dont know where they come up with this stuff. 

there’s a lot more where these came from but i didnt feel like doing all of them, heres the link tho , knock yourselves out