carson404

[carson404]

Me and my cat

also partial face reveal?

Ignore the lighting...it's weird I know but I love this picture

[carson404]

VENT! Juniper(my bunny) died

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!:animal death ,animal being in pain,guilt,nightmares, "dulosional dreams" if you can call it that

so 5 days ago

i was asleep and I heard a crying sound?

i thought my dad accidentally locked Bobby(my cat) in a room before he left for work

eventually the crying got annoying so I went to let him out of the room and realized it wasn't him ,I run into the living run to find Juniper in his cage laying on his side crying(like a squeaking sound)

theres so hazards in his cage and he didn't choke(we checked)

when I found him it scared me ,I couldn't move

i like to swing and daydream and Juniper was buried right beside my swingset

i can't help but think it's my moms fault

Juniper would throw tantrums

when he deamed his bowls not having enough food or water he threw a fit(bouncing off the walls and literally doing flips) the night before it happened I noticed he needed water so I asked my mom if I could give him some

she said no because "he pee's too much"

i think he had a tantrum and hurt his spin and that's what killed him

i'm mad at her

i'm mad at myself especially because he was crying in pain for so long but I stayed asleep because I thought it was my cat being a crybaby like he normally is

like I know that even if I found him like that sooner I couldn't change anything but I don't know

i think i'm traumatized Anytime I hear a noise similiar I go into flight and freeze mode

i have dreams where he's alive and ground up

i have dreams where things could've been different

every morning I go to where his cage was to check on him just to remember that he's not there anymore

this was him btw

it just hurts me that he was a baby

a BABY!!!!

and died painfully

honestly I feel completely numb now

i literally considered him my child

ya'll don't understand how much I live being able to care for for things such as babies and animals

[carson404]

I wanna start posting more but I also don't wanna start posting more

might post a picture of myself if I can gain the confidence

[carson404]

yes!

i'm excited for Ilium

not too mention it'll give me something to look forward to OTHER than getting my first car(so I can not be home as much as possible)and going to collage to get away from my parents

[carson404]

😭

tw! nudity mentioned

I was searching Hijabs on Tumbler because I genuinely thing they're beautiful

anyways I scrolling and I kept seeing NFSW content

such as a woman in a hijab but completely naked

like I was looking at women in hijabs because I really want to wear headscarves(i'm a Hellenic Polytheist) but in the tags it said "Muslim"

that's not Islam

at first I thought they were ai but nope they're not

i of course blocked the accounts but I didn't wanna see that

[carson404]

THANK YOU!

this needs to be said ,a few years ago my mom got me birds and I wasn't really wanting birds and they weren't cared for properly and I knew it and felt guilty because of it but my mom refused to let me give them away but eventually we did

I now have a rabbit that I have had to fight my parents over because they don't know proper rabbit care(big enough cage,no ramps in cage ,fresh vegetables ,plenty of water)

oh and I have a Goldendoodle(we got her before we new the problems with doodles)and she's healthy and has never had problems but I also have a senior dog who is overweight but he's losing weight thankfully and my mom isn't happy about it because she thinks it's bad even though he's clearly more energetic now that he's lighter(he could stand to lose a bit more weight though and when we move to a safer neighborhood he's gonna be taken on long walks everyday(he's old but energetic)

i have too cats ,my one cat Bobby is healthy but my other cat (Fatcat) is kinda fat ,she's not unhealthy though ,she gets plenty of exercise and has a well balanced diet(not fat just a lot of loose skin on her belly)THOUGH I am gonna train her to walk on a harness and leash so that she loose a bit more weight because it'd be good for her

my aunt and cousin recently got me hermit crabs that I don't want but i'm gonna try to give them good lives ,but i'm gonna have to fight my parents again so that they can have a bigger cage(they want to keep them in the plastic ones that you get them in)

i'm too young to move out BUT when I do i'm gonna take my animals that are still alive with me (I say still are alive because some will dead by then because my dogs are older dogs and Rabbits and Hermit crabs don't live too long so my cats will probably be the only ones)

i just hope that my parents don't get any more pets when I leave because they're not good at caring for animals ,i'm gonna try to find a pet-friendly collage to go when i'm gonna go(which wont be soon)because my babies are NOT going to be left here with my parents

ALSO my brother and nephews used to have a rabbit that they kept in a small cage ,never took to the vet ,never groomed it ,didn't put any bedding in the cage,has a ramp WAY to steep in said small cage and just weren't good to it overall

they also have too dogs who have zero training ,their nails aren't clipped and it bad(they can hardly walk)and they're older dog is over weight

oh and my aunt has two dogs who are overweight and her daughter recently got a puppy(which is nice but she's in collage and you really shouldn't be getting new pets at that time in your life)

ik people get so mad but honest to god the hill i'll die on is that if you are not willing to put in the effort to properly take care of and healthily maintain your pet you should not have one.

I KNOW i know they're comfort animals that bring you lots of benefits, no matter the creature, but some of you guys are literally causing so much fucking harm to your pets it's unreal.

cats are not meant to be fat and are rather athletic animals that need much more enrichment and exercise than most people are even remotely willing to provide them with.

birds require a lot of precise care and are not meant to be touched or pet in places people love to pet them.

reptiles and amphibians have really strict environmental needs and get stressed super easily.

fish need way more space than most people are willing to give them.

rodents need more space and better environments to safely thrive in than what most people are willing to give them.

different dog breeds require vastly different care methods and environments for peak health and functionality.

contrary to popular belief you CAN'T just adopt an animal and give them the bare minimum (food, water, litter box) and call it good. you NEED to know how to take care of them. you completely control the trajectory of their health and safety.

people are out here hurting and killing their pets and acting like they have a god-given right to do so.

[carson404]

Venting time...yay!

so I got one of those old porcelain dolls for my mom for mothers day but it was just a joke gift because she's afraid on them

i got her an actually gift too though and I just kept the doll for myself because I didn't know what to do with it ,I kinda started to like this doll ,she was pretty and playing with her hair was a source of comfort

anyways my cats like to play rough and my mom accidentally looked Fatcat in my room with Bobby and they were playing and jumped on the table and knocked the porcelain doll down and it's face is shattered and it's foot is broken off too

both cats are fine ,I checked their feet to make sure no shards got in them but they're fine

i don't blame my cats ,it was an accident but I still liked that doll and it upsets me

it's childish I know but my parents are mean and that doll was one of the few things that brought me comfort

i was in the living room crying because I didn't know what to do ,I was sad and angry and upset when I told my mom what happened she said

"are you really crying over a baby doll?"

and she mocked me for it and it just upset me worse because it's not just a baby doll

it's something I attached myself to because SHE wouldn't comfort me and raise me and SHE wont be a mom

she said she'd get me another one but I don't really want another one because it's not the same I don't know how to explain it but it's just not the same

[carson404]

this one lyric

trigger warning:verbally abusive parents. emotionally neglectful parents.slight mention of Su!c!de at the end

so I don't really like Calypso but the lyrics

"I'm angry and tired and restless and sad ,stuck in these moments I swore that we had ,why won't you just chase ? or try to embrace me? or once would lie to me and I say I love you"

that part is me

but like in the way Calypso sees Odysseus

for me it's the way I see my parents

want me to elebarate?

i will

so when I was little I was happy ,my parents loved me or so I thought ,they played with me and they never yelled

now my father rarely ever talks to me ,I know he struggles to communicate sometimes because he has a hard time hearing ,i'd learn sign language but he wont even put in the effort to learn it for himself and he just doesn't really act like he wants to be around me all that much

as for my mom she yells at me now ,she gets mad when i'm around her ,she has an attitude when i'm with her ,she blames me and goes into victim mode when I defend myself ,she's bully's me for being a Therian ,she gets mad when i'm just existing in the same room as her because i'm "too loud" even though i'm just breathing ,she yells when I complain about the expanders in my mouth hurting and yet

she wonders why I wont tell her anything or why i'm depressed

they want a baby is what it is

my mom is kinda mean to other kids my age too but not as mean because she doesn't live with them but when it comes to a kid under the age of 5 she's so nice and loves the kid

she doesn't want me to grow up and be my own person

she doesn't let me sleep in my own bed

she wont let me watch movies that aren't P-G(I do secretly though because I prefer more mature content)

she yells at me when I talk about my favorite podcast which is The Magnus Archives because there's supernatural activity which is "Demonic" in her eyes

all I want is for it too be over...i don't want to kill myself but I want it to all end at the same time

Gods this escalated ,I didn't mean to vent this much

[carson404]

reblog this if you want anonymous opinions of you

[carson404]

you know they anime "Gangsta"?

where could I watch it for free?

or even read the manga for free?

[carson404]

So excited!

getting a copy of the Odyssey tomorrow

not exactly sure which translation I should get but we wont be in a rush so i'm just gonna read through different ones and decided which I like best!

[carson404]

Dream car

one of these things(if you search "BMW isetta " you'll find pictures of these ,they're cute ,probably a bit unrealistic to have one but I like it ,just enough room for me and my dog or cat

there's also these

which I would 100% take camping ,don't know where you find one of these campers though

also here's the inside of the camper

also the camper and car being small isn't a problem because i'm short

a bit unrealistic to have both of these but I can dream(i really want one though)I haven't even gotten my first car yet(because i'm too young to even start driving lessons)

but yeah though i'd share

ALSO forgot ,if i'm hoping to get one one-day where do you think I could find one?and how much do they cost? also the camper?how much would it cost?could I find them sold together? i'm sure I could find the car somewhere but not too sure about the camper

[carson404]

STORM

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STORM

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STORM

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STORM

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STORM