carlyjohelm

[carlyjohelm]

by g.kayutei

[carlyjohelm]

before you write: THINK!

is it Tender?

is it Homoerotic?

is it Implicitly homosexual?

is it Noticeably repressed?

is it Kind of gay?

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a lot of life can be persevered thru by secretly playing pretend in your mind the whole time

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THINKING ABOUT HER

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i am once again begging you all to listen to montgomery

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Mr j my cat has a crush on you and he is a boy

That's how things are these days

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I think we all need some soup right now. Reblog to give prev a bowl of their favourite soup.

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Full Moons of 2024

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all the moons of 2024

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real yearners know that they can even feel nostalgic about the present moment

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whatever (it's eating away at my soul)

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god the fags you put on earth to fuck nasty are barely getting by

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Third album, Bloodless, comes out April 25th 2025

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Few sections from a draft I just finished, it's called Samia at Austin City Limits and/or my last conscious experience. Feeling excited about this 1

(contains a few lyrics from Samia songs not written by me!)

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hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god

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Moon thoughts

Recently, I've been wanting to learn more about astrology and the influence of the natural world in religious traditions. I want to learn more about a lot of things right now—but many of them are in the realms of faith and spirituality. It’s notable to me because believing in a god or gods or the like is not something I’ve been capable of being interested in for a long time.

But lately it’s been calling to me like it’s something I need. I’ve felt atheist for a long time now and so I find it hard to approach the idea of regaining faith, but nonetheless I’ve started feeling a pull toward nature as a potential god—the moon calls me to witness her glory by keeping me sleepless while she shines, my body knows to prioritize rest as the earth makes its yearly tilt away from the sun, the squirrels tell me they need help to survive the cold, the trees keep me safe, hidden.

Out on my porch, I noticed a presence the other night—someone watching? Something? It turned out to be a breathtaking full moon, brightly lit up and reflecting her abundance back down on all of us. For a second, I felt afraid—I didn’t know if she had some celestial plan for the night that I was stepping in on, and, less consciously, I was also remembering those episodes of H2O where the girls lose their shit whenever there’s a full moon.

But she and I just stared at each other, momentarily equals in the night.

I’ve felt more peaceful moments like this recently. Sitting with my guinea pigs in the early mornings, getting to see a few rays of sunset light through the windows at an evening yoga class, the dead quiet that comes along with a thick blanket of snow. I’m writing again and it actually feels good, I’m writing about my trauma and instead of being terrified, it feels like progress, and that makes me want to keep going and see what comes of it all. I’m happy to be able to find things to believe in.

Just now, I looked at my horoscope for the day and Costar told me that the moon and I have something good going on right now. I think that regaining the ability to turn my endless spawn of ideas into cohesive thoughts and tangible concepts recently (I finally sat down and compiled the wildly disorganized concept outlines, “drafts”, emo poems that came to me at you know what time of night, school assignments, and phone notes written after 5+ drinks into my book idea and then began working on that book) is due to a lot of different factors in my life. Having some degree of stability, both mentally and in my *real* adult life has definitely been helpful. Therapy has gone almost extraordinarily well overall this past year—I should get an award or something. Time, too, for healing, growing, getting further away from what hurt me in a measurable kind of distance or quality of memory.

But maybe the moon helped me a little, too. Would it be so wrong if my soul in Pisces, governed by the true force of earth’s only natural satellite, was given a small gift of strength from the merciful cosmos? Am I to continue shaming myself into cold, habitual disbelief whenever I see a cardinal and think of my dearly loved, lost friend? I should think not.

If the moon should be gracious enough to gift me a portion of her powers, I have no choice but to accept open hearted. It is she who makes sure the push, pull, push, pull of my veins.