captainemdawg27

[captainemdawg27]

My friends as Unreleased Lana Del Rey songs

Ashley: Smarty

Trevor: Maha Maha

Chloe: Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Em: Velvet Crowbar

[captainemdawg27]

Random Specific Things I Want To Do With My Friends

1. Make Tacos with Trevor

2. Go to a Doja Cat concert with Gabe

3. Go to Nashville with Josh

4. Watch Barbie movies with Sydney

5. Go to a Hello Kitty store with Mary

6. Ride the Rockin Rollercoaster at Disney World with Chloe

7. Tour the Louvre with Ashley

[captainemdawg27]

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 886

Ashley: *reading a book*

Em: Hey, Ashley? Ashleyyy-

Ashley: *sighs* what do you want?

Em: Nothing :)

Ashley: This is the eighth time- just tell me if you want me to talk to you

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 885

Em: Can I come over?

Ashley: Sure

Em: Cool, because I’m already in your kitchen

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 884

Josh: you shouldn’t insult people who are bigger than you

Chloe: then I’d never get to insult anyone, and we can’t have that

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 883

Ashley, while searching for Em [describing them to someone]: they’re short, have brown hair, [loudly] and they hate lizards

A nearby bush: no they don’t

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 882

Em: Shucks!!!!!

Trevor: Hey, I’m upset about it too, but let’s watch the fucking language.

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 881

Em: I’m running low on cash

Trevor: what are your expenses?

Em: well food’s $200, rent is $900, gifts for Chloe and Ashley $25,000, utilities are-

Trevor: maybe spend less money on gifts for those two?

Chloe, on the couch, cuddling with her monkey stuffed animal: no

Ashley, sitting on the floor, playing with her flamingo stuffed animal: no

Em, looking fondly: No

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 880

Ashley and Em: [bickering]

Em: I want a divorce!

Ashley: We’re not even married!

Em: aND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 879

Chloe: Em.

Em: What?

Chloe: Give me the pen.

Em: Why?

Chloe: You have been clicking it for six hours straight. I need sleep.

Em: …..fine. *hands over the pen*

*waits five minutes.* *pulls out another pen*

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 878

Trevor, in the middle of the group on a drive together: Ashley! Em! Chloe!

Ashley, Em & Chloe: What?!

Trevor, calmly pointing: That’s where I saw that deer the other day.

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 877

Chloe: What is wrong with us?

Ashley: A lot, but at least we’re beautiful.

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 876

Trevor: we don’t take too kindly to your folk around here

Josh: …tall people?

Trevor: heterosexuals

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 875

Mary, crawling into the kitchen at 2 AM: Mrs. Ashley ma’am where’s the appley juice

Ashley, hitting her with a broomstick: what the fuck *smack* what the fuck *smack* WHAT THE FUCK???!!!

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 874

Ashley: Do I look straight?

Chloe: Not in the slightest.

Ashley: No, I mean my parking job.

Chloe: Oh, in that case then yes it’s fine.

[captainemdawg27]

Incorrect quotes of me and my friends

Part 873

Ashley: I’m so jealous of you.

Em: Why?

Ashley: Your girlfriend is way hotter than mine.

Ashley: *walking away while laughing*

Em: Wait, what?

Em: Ashley, you are my girlfriend.

Em (finally understanding the joke): COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!