callme-eevee
callme-eevee
38K posts
Jessie
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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THIS
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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I can’t believe they oblitered straight men like that
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU FORGET TO RINSE THE TUB OUT AFTER USING A LUSH INTERGALATIC BATHBOMB!
He’s fine. He got a bath.
Lush glitter is made of seaweed.
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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just simple math
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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Fun animal facts I have learned being a zoo docent
1. There are several ways to classify the large cats, one of the more useful ones is into the roaring cats (tigers, lions) and the purring cats (bobcats, lynxes). The puma (also known as the mountain lion) is the largest cat that purrs. I’ve heard it up close, it’s amazing. A cheetah’s purr sounds like an idling motorcycle engine.
2. Kangaroos cannot move their legs independently of each other, they have to move them in sync - when they’re on land. When they’re swimming, they can move them separately. Hopping is their most efficient way to move - a walking kangaroo is awkward as hell. They swing both legs forward using their tail as a third leg to prop up while their legs swing.
3. People often think that flamingoes’ knees bend the wrong way. They don’t - the joint you’re seeing in the middle of their leg isn’t their knee, it’s their ankle. Their knee is up by their body, and it bends the same way ours does.
4. Giraffes only sleep 1-2 hours a day.
5. Bald eagles’ vocalizations are not what you expect. When you see a flying bald eagle in the movies and hear that majestic caw sound? That isn’t an eagle, it’s been dubbed over with another bird, usually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles actually sound…not majestic. Kind of like if a kitten could be a bird.
6. Elephants are one of only a handful of animals that can pass the mirror test - in other words, they can recognize their own reflection (and not think it’s another animal, as dogs and cats usually do). They tested this by placing a chalk mark on an elephant’s forehead and then showing it a mirror. The elephant investigated the mark on its own forehead, indicating it knew that it was looking at itself.  The only animals that pass this test are the higher primates, the higher cetaceans (orcas, dolphines), elephants, and weirdly, magpies.
7. One-fifth of all the known mammal species are bats.
8. A kangaroo mother can have three joeys simultaneously at different stages of development: an embryo in her womb (kangaroos can do what’s called embryonic diapause which means sort of putting the development on pause until she’s ready for it to develop further), a joey in her pouch attached to one nipple, and a joey out of the pouch on the ground who nurses from the other one. The amazing thing? Each of her nipples make different formulations of milk for each joey’s different nutritional needs.
9. Bonobos, our closest genetic relative (they are more closely related to us than they are to either chimps or gorillas) are almost entirely non-aggressive, matriarchal, and use sex to solve all their problems. They engage in both same and opposite sex interactions, non-penetrative sex (oral, rubbing, manual) and with any age. That’s an interesting area to work in, lemme tell you.
10. Tortoises have super loud sex. Like, really loud.
11. All grizzlies are brown bears, but not all brown bears are grizzlies (grizzlies are a sub-categorization of the brown bear).
12. Reindeer are the only deer species where both males and females grow antlers. The males shed theirs the beginning of December, the females shed theirs in the spring. So all of Santa’s reindeer are girls, heh. I love telling little kids that.
13. If a rhinoceros knocks off its horn, it grows back faster than you’d expect. One of ours, Rosie, has knocked hers off twice.
14. Gorillas get crushes on each other. And on the humans that take care of them. Male gorillas also masturbate. I don’t know if the females do, I’ve never seen it. Sometimes it’s like a soap opera up in there.
15. Langur monkeys are silvery-gray in color - their babies are bright orange. Like Cheeto orange, I do not exaggerate.
16. Polar bear fur is not white, it’s transparent, like fiber optics. Also, their skin is black.
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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These two things get confused for each other far too often
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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Watch the video
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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how to design a family where each member looks unique yet still similar enough to be related
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how to not
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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*cancels plans* sorry i can’t come i’m ugly
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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No matter how much you miss a toxic person, please don’t ever contact them again.. please. Don’t. It’s not worth it, you will be sad again regardless of the many times they told u it wouldn’t be that way anymore. You deserve nothing but happiness and it is not them.. You don’t ever need to feel drained and exhausted over a person
Real love will find u
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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The most ridiculous complaints that customers have made to me
“One of your cashiers has a huge zit on her cheek. It was gross looking and I lost my appetite. She should have popped it before she came in this morning.”
“The cashier over there was counting money. As a joke, my ten-year-old started shouting random numbers. The cashier made an angry face and now my son is upset. He has no right to get angry at a little kid who doesn’t know any better.”
“Cashiers shouldn’t be drinking water bottles while on the clock. What if they put vodka in there?”
“One of your employees has way too many tattoos and does her makeup way too dark. I don’t like her funky colored hair either. It’s trashy and unprofessional. I won’t be shopping here anymore.”
“If the pregnant girl wanted to have relations out of wedlock, that’s up to her, but she should be wearing a fake wedding band while she’s working. I don’t want my children to think that premarital sex is okay.”
“Some of your cigarettes are marked as ”$1 off". You shouldn’t sell them. They condone smoking.“
“I was told I couldn’t bring my 15-year-old son into the liquor section. It wasn’t like I was buying booze for him!”
“The cashier farted silently while she was ringing me up. It smelled horrible.”
“You shouldn’t allow people to bring their service dogs in the store. I don’t like dogs. They make me uncomfortable.”
“You really shouldn’t let your employees go home in the middle of a rush.”
“I let my son eat a banana while I was shopping. I told the cashier. She said that bananas go by weight and she can’t ring them up without the actual product. She told me it was fine and just to remember for the next time, but I know she didn’t mean it so I felt obligated to run all the way back to the produce department and grab another one so that she could charge me.”
“There are way too many foreigners working here. You should be more concerned about making sure Americans are employed.”
“You should build a separate bathroom for employees.”
“I pulled into a handicap spot. One of your cart pushers told me I had to move. I may not be handicapped but I have had a very long day and I don’t have the energy to walk across the entire parking lot.”
“Not hiring my son because of his age is discrimination. I got him his working papers on his 14th birthday last week. That should be enough.”
“Cashiers shouldn’t let customers bag their own purchases under any circumstances.”
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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whaling 
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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mother earth is literally committing suicide right now and y'all still think climate change is a hoax
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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callme-eevee · 8 years ago
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Louder for the cheap seats!
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