calispanicking

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Every time you’re not thinking about something or someone, you’ve essentially forgotten they even existed

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According to Good Omens, demons have mastered the disco.

Panic! At the Disco.

Bam. Proof.

Brendon Urie is a demon pass it on.

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If you killed an exact clone of yourself, is it murder or suicide?

It’s 3am. 

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Leap Of Faith

Sickly planks of wood no better than the dead twigs one would find in an autumn gloom groaned under the weight of my body; As I did under the weight of my heart. There was a feeling, a sense of obligation to protect the rare and silent calm of the ever-darkening waters, forcing myself to wince with every step, more so out of apology than danger. 

Apology. The word had become so prominent lately, out of pure obligation, that it had more or less become something of a habit. My head hesitantly tilted upwards as I stole a glance at the four branching - barely strong enough to even be considered - bridges. A sigh escaped the clutches of my lungs, for I was the only one who could walk these bridges… my bridges. 

The first house at the end of the bridge was complete with an iron fence, further walling in the walls themselves. She stood with a wall between her and all that surrounded her, thus caging herself inside as well. There was a stronger lock on the gates now, eager to keep me out of her property after I had proven myself ‘harmful’. 

The second house was significantly larger than the rest, yet crawling with people everywhere. He laughed and smiled and joked and played and… and he couldn’t see me. Or perhaps he just didn’t want to… 

I felt myself trip as I walked towards the bridges, the pain in my heart and the pure frenzy in my mind almost unbearable. A hand reaching out towards the houses, pleading… pleading for them.

The third house was the closest to me. The yard an inviting green, a deception of the many snakes writhing upon the cold, hard ground. The bridge that I had walked so many times before, now as the silver moonlight finally rest upon it and as I finally rest my eyes upon the past, was covered in red, blood-soaked nails. My head hesitantly turned back to face the house, only to see that the looming moon had phased into a blood-red hue, and under its wane, more silver nails awaited my bare feet.

The final house was the last of my hope as I stumbled onto the rickety bridge, clutching the organs that spilt forward from the hole in my heart, blood running from my ears, tortured by the sick-ridden mind inside. I willed my legs to keep moving as I burst into a sprint. Delusional. Desperate. Dying. Then, quicker than a cascade of tears could paint my cheeks with an infinite waterfall, it was gone. The house was gone. 

She was gone. 

Or rather, more accurately, I realized:

They were never there.

The first tear fell and turned to ice in the unbearably cold darkness, and refused to shatter into pieces when it hit the surface; It had become too strong. Instead, the support beneath me fell away as gravity’s spell consumed me, weightlessly floating or heavily falling towards absolutely nothing. Had the bridge broken beneath my feet… or had I jumped? 

It didn’t matter either way, I had always longed for the sweet embrace of Death. Escape. Ignorance’s last kiss farewell, stealing my final breath awa- Jolted out of the unending fall as one would from a half-sleep, my eyelids orange from behind. A pair of unfamiliar, yet warm arms wrapped around my shaking body, I found the courage to let light flood through my pupils once again.

She was standing on… ground. Ground. True ground. 

And then it hit me, for the first time… ever.

So long as this unconditional ground existed; Our fall could not. 

For relationships built alone, like London’s bridge all comes crashing down. But unconditional love will stand its ground and its lover will seek you out.

-Sky

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The Day That Never Happened

Here’s some backstory to this scene, which may account for the sudden dramaticism. She had let it slip in conversation with Ash that she had tried two attempts to end her life in the past. His concern for her is what prompted him to tell a counselor, who proceeded to hold an obligatory meeting with her, but clearly held no actual concern for her as she spoke. This scene takes place a few weeks after this humiliating meeting.

***********************************************************************************************

The room was quiet. And taking into account the people in it, this was quite unusual. 

She sat with a blank expression on her face, comfortably bathing in the silence. He shot looks at her, frantically pacing around, choking, drowning in the calm.

The others speechless, locked in a divided room and unable to pick sides.

Only the two knew about it. The day. The day that never happened to the rest.

“Look, I don’t get what the big problem is.” He finally blurted out, unable to stand the quiet for any longer. Nothing out of the ordinary considering the careless and loud person he was.

“Have you ever thought to think that maybe that was part of the problem?” “Excuse me?” “You never understand shit about other people’s problems, you privileged trash.” The other’s eyes began to well with tears, he couldn’t hold back his frustration and upset any longer. “Stop crying.” She quickly snapped. Her articulation sharp and cold. “You don’t GET to cry. Not after I was forced to hold back all of the pain YOU ripped back up for a silly show of your so-called care.”

“I-” “Just shut the fuck up.” She laughed so hysterically that it threw her into a violent fit of coughs. Everyone in the room but her jumped as he slammed his fist on the table. Eager to assert a false sense of dominance in the argument. “Fine. I don’t understand. So then, please; Explain.” His eyes spat poison at her unnerving, nonchalant gaze.

“I could explain, but, in a way; I can’t. Isn’t that such a brilliant yet frustrating account of the human

conscience? There’s too much to say, too many thoughts, emotions, images flashing through my head.

Yet… there’s nothing to say.” Her voice held such a genuine, thoughtful tone that in the moment, he finally knew… he knew she was taunting him with the shadow of the alive and happy facade he thought he knew. 

The other’s eyes dug into hers as she spoke.

“Can’t, or won’t?” His voice was leveled, anger or concern, it could’ve been either. Two could play at her game of apathy. 

“What’s the difference?” She scoffed, throwing her hands up and laughing bitterly, slightly dizzy at the sudden motion. “Either way: You don’t deserve to know.” She held her finger up as he moved to both silence and stop him, but as always, he didn’t take the clue. 

“Tell me, I can help you.” He pleaded, yet his eyes told a different story.

“No, you can’t.”

“I can help… I understand.”

She scoffed again. “If you truly were what you claim to be, you would know that you don’t need me to tell you anything to be able to help.” She turned around, paused, and then spun back to face him.

He fell silent. His mouth falling open and closing shut many times, no sound piercing the unbearable

silence. At long last he had shut up. “You may have cared… but you never really gave enough of a shit about me to understand anything. No one ever has. That’s why I didn’t need your help. I didn’t need you.” “Don’t say that! Even you admit! No one else would’ve helped.” “WELL NO ONE ELSE ALSO ALMOST FUCKED UP MY ENTIRE LIFE AND TORE TO SHREDS ANY HOPE I HAD OF GETTING HELP.”

She sighed and leaned back into her chair after realizing how tense she’d become. “I don’t need your help. I have made my peace with what I must deal with alone. The one person I can always trust fully without fail is myself-”

“Then why are you telling me this? You wouldn’t be talking to me if you trusted me.” He exclaimed quickly with a sad misconception that his little loophole was clever. The same loophole he had used the last time to justify his horrible mistake. 

He hadn’t found a loophole: He he had tied her a noose. And this time, he tied a dead knot for his own arguments. 

“Exactly. I trusted you. TRUSTED. Up until the point you threw that trust to the ground and stepped on it. I understand you had good intentions, but intentions only go so far. You should’ve known. Hell, I trusted you to know.” She leaned in, her white-flushed face inches from his, and this time, he finally seemed to sense her anger.

“I’m telling you this because I no longer care what you think. Your care doesn’t mean SHIT to me anymore.”

He did a double take before standing up angrily.

“Look. All I tried to do was HELP you. What’s so wrong about that? Huh? Besides, remember? You lied to everyone that tried to help. “Oh that never happened. That day never happened. I’m still here, I still exist, but that day doesn’t. Don’t worry.” YOU pushed EVERYONE away.”

She sighed and paused before starting again, completely giving up her attempts to hide the emotionally defeated look on her face, which at this point was a ghostly color.

“HELP ME? How? By acting before thinking? Couldn’t you have at least asked me first? Because by

trying to help me, you messed up even more things, complicated things that you will never understand!

There are about a million ways you could have helped me. Shutting up is one of them. I didn’t need you

before, I don’t need you now. I don’t need anyone. I have always fought alone, and I’m not going to let you mess everything up!”

At her words, he fell silent once again, wincing at the robotical way she voiced her regards to the pain he’d brought her. The emotional, loving mask he knew had fallen and all that was left was exhaustion and hurt. 

“You told her. You forced her unwilling hand to help. But Ash… help from someone who doesn’t care is more harmful than nothing.

You don’t realize… you don’t realize how much it hurt… how much it tore me apart when I saw her… when I saw the one person who might’ve been able to help watching me, doing nothing as I slowly fell to my death. Alone.” Her knuckles were white, and his shaking hand quietly reaching over to warm her cold, dead-like ones, shocked by the coldness and by the realization that hit far too late. 

A strangled cry left his throat as she tipped and fell, finally falling unconscious, hopefully this time hitting her head hard enough to never wake up. Her last glance the tears that rolled down his cheeks… almost in the same fashion as the blood had come pouring down her wrists on that unbearable day. Tears that were nothing more than drops of some clear substance… not unlike the single, lonely pill left at the bottom of a bottle in the spilt backpack she’d tripped on. “Third time’s the charm,” they say. The third, and final of the days that never happened.

-Sky

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Lovely

Do you remember the day I fell in love with you?

I was utterly lost in a trance

cast by the mesmiration 

of a pair of eyes,

barely capturable by mere words.

There was a fierce fire 

behind soothing green,

shouting, “I’m not afraid!” 

Eyes that were the only gateway 

to the mysteries so stubbornly kept 

locked within an unfathomable mind.

What I glimpsed through those eyes,

you had me hooked immediately.

In other words; They were simply lovely.

Your mind, a scattering of stars 

across a palette of black,

ready to paint entire universes 

through words of simplicity.

A mind full of life, full of hope, full of emotion;

All that was lacking from the rest

of a room of scripted brilliance.

A mind that held the rawest exemplification 

of pure, human emotions. 

I had fallen a hopeless victim 

long before the rest of your beauty hit me

a blow sure to leave scars in my memories.

In other words; You were simply lovely.

I never wanted to fall in love.

But you waltzed on into my life,

tearing down the walls around my heart,

like you’ve always owned it.

I never wanted to fall in love.

But you walzed on into them

the head that ran well, the heart that beat strong,

and they both stopped.

In other words; I simply love thee. 

-Sky

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Fleeting At A Glance

The snow is seen most beautiful in its wake; 

Before it falls upon this flawed Earth of ours. 

Within fragile crystals, glimmering with magic,

withholding a preciously rare beauty,

dancing and twirling among the angels on a graceful descent. 

Each infinitesimal, purposeless sparkle,

nature’s art to all of unrightful claims, 

and nature’s art only, no matter the seeker’s longing.

You tell me at a glance: There is nothing to be seen. 

I smile.

If one were to stand upon the perfect ground, 

gazing towards a certain direction, 

and living within the perfect moment; 

The fragmented ice of a flake have the ability 

to bring even the infinite god; time to a stop. 

As the cold recalls one’s human mortality 

and deafens the clamour of human civilization,

they will then be brought to the conclusion 

that the drums their footsteps follow 

are in truth; The heart.

Within that moment, the small, delicate pieces of ice 

momentarily render chains to fear useless. 

Within that moment, you become as delicate as ice, 

as unique as the stars, and as beautiful as the portrait enveloping you.

You tell me at a glance: There is nothing to be felt.

I smile.

When you come across this wonderland; 

Breathe in the crisp paint of this portrait, 

the air we are so blessed to embrace. 

Then, let a wondrous smile creep upon your face 

as you come to realize; 

There is beauty in even the most frightful of times,

light in the darkest of nights, 

and warmth in our hearts in the coldest hour. 

The snowflake. Fragile, weak, momentary, cold, lonely.

Yet none of that mattered as I stood perfectly in the moment. 

My heart. Resilient, strong, living, warm, loved.

You still tell me at a glance: There is nothing to bring tears to my eyes. 

I smile.

I tell you at last: My dear, you cannot glance at the moment. 

You must live in it.

-Sky

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Our Fightful Pride

The purity of light

upon which our eyes cannot lie

divided into ribbons of brilliant color,

dancing, unfaltering, across this lonely sky.

The beauty of love, of which

all our hearts yearn until they die.

Blessed are we to find it, scattered

across this experience we call life.

Love is not a choice, rather,

a hopeful wish granted.

Not to be leashed by any

venom from mouths decanted.

Hearts shot through as an attempt

to carry out the wrongfully right,

wars waged in the false name of

God and his angels holy and bright.

But if death is the only capable leash

of this love-driven hope,

then we will fight so long as life

resonates in these souls.

June, a month of beauty and strength

in which onto love we’ll hold.

For we will sing a chorus so bittersweet,

written by none yet everyone knows.

The purity of light

upon which our eyes cannot lie

divided into ribbons of brilliant color,

dancing, unfaltering, across this lonely sky.

The beauty of love, scattered

across this experience we call life.

Too blessed to have it for us to lose.

May love sustain me ‘till I die.

- Sky

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Prince who has risked his life to get there: Mighty Oracle, I request your advice. My father and his friend are to be drowned in a river!

Oracle, somehow on the ceiling: Two guys, chillin’ in a hot tub. Five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay.

Imagine going to the Oracle at Delphi and it’s one of those days where her brain’s overshot the immediate future so all she’s doing is spouting no context memes.

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Huh. My first post is this... PANic

Reblog if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender or a supporter.

This should be reblogged by everyone. Even if you’re straight, you should be a supporter.