calcify-my-bones

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Recent conversation overheard concerning my brother’s pants pocket:

My brother: what’s it for?

My mom: a key

My brother: a key of what?

My mom: …a car key

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You’re not a true college student until you accidentally set off a fire alarm

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My neck the day after making out with a tall guy

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Anyone else confused the first time you watched pitch perfect because you thought Jessie and Bumper were the same person

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Does anyone else ever swipe right on bumbl just because you have a good response or a lame pickup line regarding a picture/question but no interest otherwise

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When you fail your midterm and take yourself out for ice cream to celebrate

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THERE WAS A HUGE SPIDER IN MY ROOM BUT I LOST TRACK OF IT AND NOW I CANT FIND IT SO IM EITHER GONNA KILL MYSELF OR DIE OF STRESS

talk about spooky season am I right

but seriously AHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Using a blanket as a pillow > using a pillow as a pillow

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When you swallowed water down the wrong pipe but you already coughed once so you can’t cough again even though you’re basically dying because then people will ask if you’re okay.

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Kung fu panda 2: the warrior of black and white is foretold to be the one that will defeat Shen

Shen: Wipes out all the pandas

Zebras, penguins, raccoons:

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When you feel a sneeze coming on but you have food in your mouth

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When you get your first note on tumblr that isn’t from yourself or your mom

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When you tell yourself you’re gonna finish your homework in the morning and then you wake up 5 minutes before school starts.

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Sokkas range of emotions when he’s stuck in the hole.

Cat dimension

More cat content here

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*rubbing my tears on my face as I sob my fucking soul out*

Me: skincare and selfcare 💫✨

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Me: I want attention and love more than anything

*anyone so much as looks in my direction

Me: Begone you treacherous leech

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Fuck zodiac signs, who’s your go-to Mario Kart character?