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CHUNGHA Sparkling ending fairy / 220724
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DREAMY WONDERLAND YERI — VOGUE KOREA (MAY 2022)
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WOO DO HWAN 우도환 for 1st Look Korea (June 2022) ➤ Behind the scenes photos
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Botanical series by Samuel Zeller. Part 1/2/3
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“You ache. You ache all over. You are aching to be you, but you’re scared of what it means to do so.”
— Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water 
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the stories come at night shot on 35mm
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Goodbye First Love (2011) dir. Mia Hansen-Løve
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Anaïs Nin, Leon Wyczółkowski
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crown and glory.
they told you that you were good but you wanted to be better. the best.
they told you that you were a star but they wanted to bring you down. you were the company’s princess, a crowning jewel in the making. despite your reputable name, you also knew what they said behind your back, even as a trainee that busied yourself inside empty halls and quiet training rooms, you knew. impatient and temperamental, too much, too fast, too foolish. a silly girl, head filled with silly big dreams. only they didn’t whisper as quietly as they thought. they were the silly ones, you heard every word they said.
victoria was the company’s true swan, reminding them so much of a vision in white and floral. ‘she’ll make it big,’ the other trainees would say, and smile and laugh in excitement for the future. victoria is kind, approachable and easygoing. someone to go to for intimidating questions, training advice, someone who guides in softness. but hoojin pd-nim thought of you as a leader. you’re her iron willed protégé, determined, wild and ambitious. tender hearted yet unyielding, you’re built from the same fire she is and you slowly come to a realization that you must be everything she was as a young child with your visions of the limelight.
still, you tried so hard to be the perfect trainee. your footwork was flawless, every flick of your wrist and sway of your hip perfectly in tune to the music. you sang, oh boy did you sing. until it was 2am and your throat is swollen, scratchy from the fatigue that your vocal cords have endured. played your guitar until the strings have snapped free from your rigid routine, escaping rest from your restless fingers. you did as you were told without a question asked, gave up everything in exchange for the grandstand.
only it isn’t how you imagined it to be. you’re competing with other girls for something not guaranteed to be yours, training without assurance for the future ahead.
most days you’re in the major team but some days, a minor member. one day you’re captivating the crowd and the judges with your skills and charisma, the next day you’re just right.
do you remember the day when you called your mom to tell her that evaluations weren’t going well? of course you do – how could you forget? you were a teardrop away from telling her she was right, that you never should have gone to seoul and that you should have just pursued a tennis scholarship through the academy and workshops. ‘i told you so,’ you thought she’d say. you were so certain that she’d remind you of the other paths you could have taken and scold you for the failure you’ve become.
but a mother knows when her child is in need and she took you under her wing, comforted you through the distance and assured you that everything will work out in the way you want it to. hard work will never betray you and nothing worth having ever came easy. your dad called not long after – whatever was shared with mom, was shared with dad. isaac too. despite being bullied by your older brother, he came to your dormitory, bought you that avocado smoothie you liked so much and told you of a dream he once had: the world as your stage and you, standing at the center.
with one last cry you went to bed feeling like a ton of baggage had been lifted off your shoulders. matters of the heart were always sunnier in the mornings so you left everything for the next day. and when the sunbeams kissed your lids and your limbs were moving and going, you finally found out the news: who’s that girl was in the making and you had a chance to snag a spot.
it didn’t take long before the company told you, right? ‘we think you’ll be a good fit as a group leader.’ it never ceases to amaze you how much things can change in such a short amount of time: simply, what was there is no longer, and all that you had you will never have again. privacy was no longer an easy option for you, nor was freedom. you said yes in a heartbeat.
there was nothing else you wanted more. even now, there is nothing stopping you from being the best. if you could go back and do things over, you will always say yes. but if there’s something that you wish you took advantage of, it’d be those two things exactly: privacy and freedom. in the end, these are things you’ve paid for the cost that you feel your heart will always desire. 
the nights are long full of work and practice. you spend your days in front of a team you’ve been working with for over ten years, an invisible ring of gold around your head. there is no mother to easily run to for advice, nor father for a comforting hug. even isaac is hard to get in contact with at times. these days, the other members are doing their own thing. too and as nice as it is to have your own place and to develop a routine wherein you’re not responsible for anyone but yourself, you end up missing it, missing them. the energy, the affection, the common ground of achieving something great after shedding sweat, blood and tears. 
everything is through a distance, whether it’s a call or a video chat. 
you’re not entirely alone though. there’s a home you call your own, a pair of arms that welcome you no matter how hard and difficult your days are. through kyujin you define what it means to love and be in love every single day: of the skeletons in each other’s closet being exposed – through the worst fears, insecurities and doubts – but still saying, ‘i choose you, to be with you.’
some days you feel bad, some days you feel you don’t deserve him. for all the things he does, the least you could do is show him off and yet a simple act as that, you can’t do. sometimes it hurts, to the point where your chest is heaving and your aching for a universe wherein you never had to pay the prize of freedom for the crown that’s in your head. sometimes you think of the times during the years prior, how liberated you’d been and how wonderful it would be to still have that now. you’d hold his hand in public, take risks, live life, love freely.
they tell you to do as you wish, live your life as you please: tell the world, pay them no mind; and perhaps you’ll do exactly that, sooner than everyone else thinks. because heavy is the crown that sits on your head and heavier is the burden that comes with it. you’re tired of hiding the woman in you who’s mastered herself from within. you’ve uncovered your power and you know how to use them. you’re no longer on the path because you’ve become the path.
you’re not a princess, nor are you a queen. you’re the queen.
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hyunseul relationship prompt with @writtenbykiwi
PRE-RELATIONSHIP
How did they first meet?
k: they met at her plant shop? during one of hyun's time loops, he decided to buy a plant as an experiment. to see if it would stay even after he dies. it was seul's shop?
l: since she time travels, maybe their first meeting for her could have been under a different setting at a different time? 👀 she could have met future hyun and the moment she meets him during his time loop, she instantly knows who he is (but doesn’t expect that he’ll be stuck in a time loop) 
What was their first impression of each other?
k: hyun finally found a friendly face. he had been so stressed and frustrated by his situation, and the bustling city offered him no kindness. since he grew up in the islands, the contrast was becoming more and more stark during this time. meeting seul, who spoke with tenderness and treated him in goodwill, made him want to see her again. 
l: she doesn’t think she’s conversed with anyone more interesting. he has a way of speaking that she finds endearing and since she’s naturally a curious soul, she gravitates towards him instantly. being the good listener that she is, she’d hear out his thoughts and be as attentive as she could be. 
Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?
k: hyun's parents were overjoyed. he was a recluse all his life that they've lost hope in him settling for a family of his own. he was very odd even as a child so growing up, he didn't have many friends. he would get picked on too. not necessarily bullied, because he knew how to stand up for himself, but they would tease him for the unusual way that he spoke.
l: the only family member she’d have that’s still alive is her 70 something year odl daughter and she’d be wary and skeptical. more than anything i think her daughter is just trying to be protective over seul because hyun will age and seul wont and that means hyun will eventually leave her - this will upset seul but will eventually come to the conclusion that for once, she wants to do something completely selfish and for herself.  
Who felt romantic feelings first?
k: hyun, definitely. it was almost love at first sight.
l: agreed. if we go through with the idea of seul meeting a future version of hyun, i do think she’d find him attractive or maybe feel a certain something towards him? there’s just a pull there, though she wont think too much of it because past seul will probably be too guarded and skeptical.
Did either of them try to resist their feelings?
k: hyun did at first, because he knew it was very temporary considering his situation. after a while, when he realized she would forget him every time he came back, he just let his feelings unfold and relished in the fact that he could continuously see her.
l: seul would as well, only because she’d feel like she’s protecting not just herself but hyun we well from the pain that she might inflict on him. once her oldest daughter began to age beyond seul and left her no choice but to leave her, pretend to be the daughter, etc., seul made it a personal rule that she couldn’t get too close
If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?
k: hyun would say he already knew that she was his dark queen, destined to rule the earth and the underworld together.
l: after the time loop, her past self meeting with his future self (if its approved) and everything that they go through together, she’ll dreamily agree lol
What would their lives be like if they had never met?
k: hyun would just continue on with his time loop. they're literally fated by the universe.
l: seul would still be seul, fleeting and eccentric to others. guarded, wears her heart on her sleeve, wouldnt let a lot of people in.
GENERAL
Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?
k: hyun had plenty of yolo moments.
l: agreed LMAO. i think at that point she’d just be emotionally overwhelmed but also relieved since this is when the time loop supposedly ends?
Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?
k: their first date was the second time hyun went to seul's shop? he just spontaneously asked her to grab coffee with him? unless u want smth more unique
l: this is fine. although the memorable date will definitely be the one where he freezes himself to death LOL
What was their first kiss like?
- omg idk
Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?
k: she was hyun's first everything lmao
l: he’s second everything HAHAHAHAHA. second husband. second marriage. second person who she finds out she’s terrified to losing to old age (after her oldest daughter) but just as important
What’s their height difference? Age difference?
k and l: hyun is 5'10", both jisoo and somin are 5'4" apparently
What’s their relationship with each other’s families?
k: hyun's parents have a good relationship with him. the dad is very distant and always just worked. he also preferred his free time spent with his friends rather than his own family, probably due to outgrowing his wife. but hyun has a bond with his dad. they're a lot like friends, more than father and son. hyun is a very loving son to his mother, followed her well, and was obedient. his tough facade would collapse whenever his mom was around.
l: seul would have been really close to her parents. she would have been a sheltered and spoiled child, specially since she didn’t have any siblings. towards her oldest daughter, she had a tough love kind of relationship with. for the longest time she was the only one who knew of her time travel and age situation so seul also felt that she had no one in the world but her. but as she began to age older and seul remained the same, she began to grow more fearful of the day when her daughter would be leaving her. towards hyun and seolhyun she’d be a lot more soft. i think she’d try to make up to seolhyun what she couldn’t provide for her oldest daughter.
Do they share a friend group?
k: not sure yet. ig this depends on whether they interact with the same people.
l: maybe the one from one tail, since hyunseul is supposed to be canon volunteers/affiliates
Who takes the lead in social situations?
k: definitely seul lmao can't take hyun anywhere.
l: seul LOL. maybe even seolhyun as well
Who gets jealous easier?
k: hyun isn't a very jealous person. he's a live and let live type of person.
l: same for seul. rather than jealous, she’d envy others for not having the same curse as her when it comes to age
Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?
k: don't know where to begin with hyun LMAO he's romantic but not very good at this.
l: seul but like
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LOVE
Who said “I love you�� first?
k: seul?
l: yes, she wouldn’t shy away from that and will just blurt it out the moment she feels it. i feel like when that morning comes when she realizes they didnt time loop and she’s crying about it, she’ll just end up blurting it out without really thinking too much about it only that she feels love for him.
What are their primary love languages?
- hyun ranking: words of affirmation > quality time > acts of service > gift giving >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> physical touch
- seul ranking: acts of service = quality time > physical touch > words of affirmation > gift giving (i would say gift giving comes second to last followed by words of affirmation)
Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?
k: not really punny ones but hyun is a writer and would quote love poems
s: she’d be into it lol, i think she’d definitely be into dad jokes so she’ll spring it up on him here and there
How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?
k: it depends on how often seul initiates because i don't think hyun would.
s: i think in public, the most seul would do is hold his hand or wrap a hand around his waist. but i can also see seul massaging his shoulders while checking on him when she puts him to work and labor around the plant shop, running her hands on his back, snuggle close when it’s cold.
Who initiates kisses?
k & l: i wanna say they're equal in this, as long as it's in private.
Who’s the big and little spoon?
k: hyun could be either lol
l: same with seul. seul would enjoy attempting to be the big spoon though and would tell him she just feels like a koala clinging onto a tree
What are their favorite things to do together?
k: playing with their animal companions. gardening? reading? painting picnic dates, painting parties, stack up book spine poetry, jenga? going to the park? hiking? whale watching? driving around forest roads? scenic drives along the coast [of jeju? incheon?]?
l: working around the shop, gardening work, cooking, picnic dates yes, painting parties yes, anything related to animals and the coast of jeju yes, quality time with seolhyun (most specially when shes taken to a petting zoo), napping (even if its just seul napping with him lol), listening to music together to wind down
Who’s better at comforting the other?
- seul
Who’s more protective?
- hyun
Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?
k: hyun prefers verbal, seul probably prefers physical
l: yes, i think seul likes physical affection more but it isn’t a deterrent in the relationship
What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?
- https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7g8DRFr37kiNiojAZJAkiq?si=594e492241424d64
What kind of nicknames do they call each other?
k: hyun calls her his dark queen, my queen, my love and other doting terms. 슬기롭다 (seulgi robda) as in wise one, or 이슬 방울 (iseul bangul) for dewdrop, 이슬 방울 (achim iseul) as in morning dew, 산 이슬 (san iseul) as in mountain dew.
l: namchin, jagi/yeobo, as for the rest i need to get back on this lol
Who remembers the little things?
k: hyun has eidetic memory. he remembers everything, even down to the details, with perfect clarity.
l: seul wouldn’t be so bad at remembering the little details either since she’s a pretty detail oriented person. however she’ll probably be a little aloof about it
DOMESTIC LIFE
If they get married, who proposes?
- hyun proposed.
What’s the wedding like? Who attends?
k: it was a civil procedure in the city hall because they did it on the spur of the moment but i imagine they remarried in jeju? beach wedding?
l: we can say they remarried yes. his family would be there? her oldest daughter would be there too, but probably in the guise of the daughter being seul’s mom. a few of seul’s friends who she got closer with because of the shop/her affiliates in the business.
How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?
k: one baby girl?
l: one but seul would probably want more LOL. seolhyun has traits of both her mom and dad. she’ll get the compassion for animals from dad as well as the really good memory. bubbly, vocal like her momma. i can see her gearing heavily into the arts and being really in touch with nature and spirituality once she’s a little more grown.
Do they have any pets?
- seul has one dog and one cat. hyun has 4 hamsters, but plenty of animals come to visit their home.
Who’s the stricter parent?
k: seul?
l: yes, most likely seul but only because she’s lived long enough and has gone through the whole thing when her older daughter was still a child
Who worries the most?
- hyun maybe
Who kills the bugs in the house?
- no one is allowed to killed bugs when hyun is around. he's morally against killing any kind of creature of the earth.
How do they celebrate holidays?
- this question is very vague but i assume they're always together for holidays
Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?
k: seul?
l: yes lol, i can see her being a bad influence and encouraging hyun for more sleep. she also likes to nap so she’ll probably be convincing him for some daytime siestas, especially when the shop is slow.
Who’s the better cook?
- well, they're neck and neck in this i think
Who likes to dance?
- hyun likes to dance surprisingly
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B.I — cosmos jacket shooting
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_imyour_joy
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sext: in the night we brush fingers, thighs, soft skin on softer bodies. you kiss my back and unfold me carefully, unseat my shoulder-bones, undo my hips, unhook my spine notches. i am not a bird, i am not a sparrow. we grip each other. we speak in tongues. i reach for you, mouth on wings, every time.
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me
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scared girl, she even flies from her cloud with a subtle touch that could have reminded her of the past troubled weeks, of what could be: a mother who finds her drowning in a sea of her own urine, terrified and shaking at the consequences and raised tones she knows she’s bound to receive.
“it’s okay,” calm is yana’s voice, soothing to the touch, and yet the disheveled breeding dog flinches away the moment she feels the breeze from the crawling hand, tail sticking in between her own limbs down as ocean wide hazel orbits peer. “it’s going to be alright.” i’m not her, can’t you see? it’s going to be just fine.
locked out in the cold and waiting for a source of warmth, how long have you been doing this, mm? how long have you waited for me?
shame on those responsible; a parent has promised this small friend a home and a nest within her arms is instead a catalysis of a routine violence passing by like a hurricane, gray clouds insisting of rain each time. only when the biggest storm finally comes, little bambi is abandoned to fend for her own with four beautiful puppies on the way that everyone has not figured out just yet.
it takes yana days. she knows it isn’t going to be easy but she doesn’t expect for the rescue to take so long. some days consists of sitting in silence while others are full of stories, from school to internship to music to food. everyone is always interested in hearing how an idol juggles a career and an education, though her stories aren’t more interesting than anyone else’s. some days are vibrant, some days are blue. until blue begins to bleed in comforting eyes that seek her, a body that stiffens whenever her touch deprived fur is brushed with the softest of fingertips.
“you’re okay with me.” blue is the sky that serves as her only audience when bambi is finally caught, apprehension painted all over her face as she’s taken to the unfamiliar facility of the clinic. fully in tune as she stands before the docile dog, learning slowly how to trust, how to play, how to stay in her cloud.
“i got you.”
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