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[burningember0802]

Someone Like Me

summary : first, once again, i suck at summaries. Kaz meets a friend of Nina’s that he didn’t know about who is more like him than anyone else he’s ever met and that scares him more than he’d like.

It's a relaxing evening at the slat, or at least as much as it can be in Ketterdam. All the crows were sitting around a table talking and having a great night, even Kaz. He won't show it but he enjoys nights like this more than he'd like to admit. Nina and Jesper were laughing and talking about who knows what while Matthais sat with a loving smile on his face, Wylan and Inej sat talking about his newest tests, and Kaz sat just listening and watching, enjoying the time with his friends; his family. "Oh, Kaz! My friend is supposed to stop by tonight and drop off some things I asked her for so don't be surprised if we get a knock soon." Nina mentions. "You have friends?" He sarcastically said. "For a matter of fact, I do. She's amazing, I think you should meet her. She'd be a great addition to the crows. She's a fabrickator, both a Durast and an Alkemi. She is also the smartest person I've ever met, and the best fighter too. I've watched her and Matthais spar and she took him down in seconds easily. She's insanely good, Kaz. She'd be a great asset to the team. I think you'd like her too, she has similar interests among other stuff." She explains. Kaz thought for a moment before responding. "We'll see if I agree with you once I meet her." Nina thanks him with a smile and goes back to her conversation.

Kaz wasn't sure how he felt about the thought of bringing someone else onto the team. It was another person who could betray him, another person he could get attached to, another weakness. Not just anyone can join the crows, they had to earn it.

About half an hour later there was a knock at the slat door. Nina excitedly hopped up to get it. "It's her!" The heartrender almost squealed. The door opened to a girl, probably about 5'6 who has (H/L), (H/C) hair. She was gorgeous with a button nose that supported her thin-rimmed glasses, full lips, striking (E/C) eyes, and a curvy figure. She was wearing a tight green turtle neck, black pants, boots, and carrying a satchel on her shoulder. Kaz swears he almost felt himself stop breathing. The feeling he got when he saw her, despite not knowing her, scared him in a way he didn't like. He decided to push it down and continue on with the night.

Nina invited the girl inside with a smile that was returned by her. The girls walked back to the table where the rest of the group sat. "Y/N, the crows, the crows, Y/N." She introduced them all. Multiple greetings were heard around the table from everyone except Kaz of course. Y/N shyly waved with a soft smile. "I brought those things you asked about," Y/N said quickly changing the subject. She opened her bag and pulled out 3 boxes and set them on the table. She opened the first one which held a seemingly normal knife. "Here's the knife you asked about with the poison injection abilities. There are three vials in the box and there's one in the handle already. It injects a few drops upon impact, it’s potent so it will kill someone with just a few drops." Y/N said showing how to open the handle and where the vial was. She proceeded to open the next box that was full of bullets. "These are the bullets that explode upon impact you asked about." She said before setting them back down. You could see Inej eyeing up the knife and Jesper doing the same to the bullets. She finally opened the last box which revealed 7 sets of earpieces. "These are the earpieces, they have microphones in them to communicate from long distances." She almost mumbled, obviously nervous around all the people. Kaz had been watching the girl in shock the whole time she spoke. Nina didn't lie, she was insanely talented and would be a good asset.

"You're the best Y/N!" Nina exclaimed, making a quick movement to go to hug the girl. She quickly stopped when Y/N flinched slightly. No one else besides Y/N, Nina, and Kaz had realized it with everyone else too busy looking at the new gear. "Shit, fuck I'm sorry Y/N it was a mistake." Nina started apologizing profusely. "Nina, it's fine. Mistakes happen. I'm just a freak anyway." She said quietly. Kaz felt his heart clench at that. She was like him, she was anything but a freak though. "Anyway, I should probably get going." She said, staring at her feet. "You should stay for a while, meet everyone." Nina tried to convince her. Y/N was obviously apprehensive. "You should stay," Kaz said before he could stop himself. Both Nina and Y/N turned towards him quickly. Nina had a shocked look on her face, surprised that Dirtyhands would ever suggest that he wanted someone to stay. She thought for a second and smiled slightly and nodded.

The girl sat down at the last empty chair at the table, which happened to be next to Kaz. She immediately pulled into herself out of habit, bringing on her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around it, making herself as small as possible. Jesper and Inej immediately started asking questions about their new tools to which Y/N answered gladly. Kaz watched them contently, especially Y/N. She looked really happy talking about what she loved. Soon the conversations turned away from solely her after the crows had their fill of integrating. "Kaz, Y/N is the most knowledgeable person I've met about books, you guys have that in common," Nina mentions. Y/N glances at him with a soft smile. Everything about her made Kaz's fight or flight kick in. She was weirdly comforting but at the same time kicked on every instinct he had. He felt the need to run but also never move again. "What's your favorite genre of books?" Y/N asked the boy. Kaz missed having someone to talk to about interests like this, the rest of the crows weren't into things like this. Trying to make him comfortable she answers first. "I tend to read realistic fiction or fantasy." Kaz studied her face constantly looking for any signs that she wasn't genuine. "I like fantasy or mystery books." He answers. She gets a huge smile. He liked that, she had a genuine smile, that's rare in the barrel. Her smile was slightly lopsided and full of joy. "Mysteries are the best, I'm always on the edge of my seat. Sometimes I feel like I can't put the book down even when I have stuff to get done." She laughs. Kaz almost felt himself smirk. "Those are the best ones." He answers genuinely. "I just finished this amazing book, it's about the story of Achilles but from the point of view of Patroclus. It's called the song of Achilles and it's amazing." She says with a smile. "I'll have to borrow it sometime." He says. At that moment the two of them weren't even paying attention to the crows around them anymore, so they didn't see the knowing look from Nina.

The group all continued to talk and have a good time. Everyone liked Y/N a lot. Nina was accurate in her description of her. She was super smart and sweet. At one point they were talking about combat strategies and she was asked "What's the quickest way to win a fight?" by Jesper. Matthias let out a loud snort at that question, knowing the brunette's skills. "Are we talking immobilizing or killing? Those are two different answers." She says with a smirk. The girl had come out of her shell within the past hour and had grown more comfortable around the group. "Both?" Jesper said, confused. "For immobilization, the quickest way is to slice their Achilles tendon on the back of their ankle, if you do that they're not moving. Also, you always go for the eyes, nose, and groin, and if you use the bottom of the palm of your hand you can shatter someone's nose since that's the strongest part of your hand. Besides the Achilles tendon, the other easiest way if you know how to do it is there's a nerve on the side of your neck that if you squeeze right, knocks them out. Then if the purpose is killing you go for the neck, wrist, or thigh because that's where your main arteries are." She said matter of factly. Kaz almost laughed at how the girl said it.

That was the start of it all. Shortly after this first meeting Y/N started coming around more and more and everyone loved her, including Kaz. Kaz had started having more than friendly feelings towards her a couple months after meeting. The crows were eventually able to convince her to join so she was now living at the slat, making Kaz’s life a living hell. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest constantly, and he knew that Nina knew this too with her heartrender skills. Nina was constantly giving him knowing looks and all he did was glare back at her. Kaz was drawn to her like no one else.

The two of them had become close over the last year, closer than most. They would often sit and talk for hours, a lot of times about books or anything else that came to their minds. Y/N was often like lightning in a bottle, constantly moving and going a million miles an hour. She seemed hyper and impulsive on the outside but Kaz knew she was very strategic and methodical. She was insanely smart, which she often used to her advantage to beat Kaz in chess to his dismay. Both parties had developed feelings for each other but both were too scared to tell the other because they’re idiots but the universe was going to find a way to get them together.

The heist the crows had tonight was insanely important. The group was supposed to go to a merchant party because while the merchant and everyone else was distracted they were going to steal a necklace that was held in the wife’s vanity room. The necklace was worth an insane amount of money so the crows took the task right away.

The only problem with the heist was that Y/N and Kaz had to be the two who had to fake being a couple at the party to keep the merchant distracted so the others could get the necklace. “We have to do what?” Y/N exclaimed when she found out her role. She felt her chest clench at the thought of being around that many people. “I need Inej on the roofs, Jesper on the ground as backup, Wylan as a waiter ready to cause a distraction if need be, and Nina and Mattaius getting the necklace so we’re the only two left.” Kaz grumbles, obviously not happy about the situation either. Both of them sucked it up for the money.

The night of the heist Y/N was the last to be ready since she had to wear a dress and makeup. She stepped down the stairs to where the crows were waiting. As soon as she stepped into the room there were joking whistles and screams from all the crows except Kaz. Kaz stood there in shock, his breath taken away. Emma was wearing a black dress with stars on it, a simple pair of black heels, several pieces of silver moon and star jewelry and finally topping it off with a few moon and star hair pins pinning back some of her hair. She looked gorgeous.

As they got closer and closer to the party both Y/N and Kaz became increasingly more nervous. “We don’t have to touch.” She says breaking the silence between them as they were dragging behind the group. “We have to and we both know it. If we don’t touch like a couple they’ll become suspicious. I know neither of us like touch but we’ll have to deal with it.” Kaz quickly responds, his voice rigid. She just nodded, not wanting to make this night worse.

Everyone got in their positions as soon as they made it to the house, leaving Kaz and Y/N near the entrance. Kaz hesitantly grabs her hand; he was shocked when he did. He didn’t panic as much as he thought. Kaz’s aversion was worse than Y/N’s for sure since hers was mainly quick movements and things related to abuse but Kaz’s was any kind of touch. All he felt was Jordie when he touched anyone, the stench of the air, the cold water around him, the stiff body he was clenching on to. He didn’t immediately drown touching her though, he felt the waters come up but they stopped, going no further.

As the two of them continued through the night the touches became easier and more frequent, it almost felt...real. Both of them deep inside wished it was. They wished the other loved them back. The two of them got many compliments throughout the night on how cute they were and questions about how they met among other things. The way Kaz would wrap his arm around her waist made her heart stop, the way Y/N put her hand on his shoulder and smiled at him did the same to Kaz.

Once Nina and Mattaius got the necklace everyone made their way back to the slat. Everyone was happy and ready to celebrate a successful heist except for Kaz and Y/N. They had a tension that wouldn’t go away. Both knew they’d have to talk about it or it’d ruin further heists but neither wanted to make the first move. So once they got to the slat both of them lingered at the door after everyone else. “Can-” “We should-” they both went to say at the same time. They couldn’t help but laugh at how in tune they were. “We need to talk about things.” Y/N says. “I know.” Kaz says, anxiety in his voice. “I like you Kaz.” the girl states plainly, shocking the bastard of the barrel. He couldn’t say the words he wanted to but he had to say something. “Yes.” was all he could manage out. It would sound stupid to anyone else but to Y/N and Kaz they both knew what that meant. “I can never touch you like you might want though.” He says anxiously. “Kaz, I have just as much of an issue with touch as you. Physical affection isn’t something I need in a relationship. If we really want to, we can work on our aversions together.” She answers with a comforting smile. Kaz nods,knowing she's right. “So together?” Kaz questions, trying to confirm that she is his and he is hers. She nods with a smile.

That was the start of it all. The start of the King and Queen of Ketterdam, taking it over together.

[burningember0802]

I Could Never Be Her

summary : Kaz and Y/N have an unspoken relationship. Everything was going smoothly until some conflict comes up when Inej returns from a trip.

Y/N’s POV

Kaz and I had an unspoken relationship and had for a while. Due to our own traumas, neither of us had gone out and said the words to confirm it but both of us knew that there was no one else we'd open up to like we did each other. I was one of the few people to be able to get the Dirtyhands to smile. I was his second in command. He would frequently ask for my opinions on heists and have me help him do paperwork for the club. We had a routine, every night Kaz would head up to his room at the slat, and shortly after I'd come up after him. We'd sit and talk for hours about god knows what. Some nights it was about our trauma and past while others we'd laugh like children and talk about our favorite things. Around me Kaz wasn't Kaz Brekker, the man only I saw was Kaz Rietveld. We've shared a few touches, nothing more than a touch on the hand or knee. Kaz had come a long way with his touch aversion and I'm so proud of him. He rarely has to wear gloves in public anymore and can tolerate simple touches from people like me. He even let Jesper pat him on the back once, I don't think I've ever seen Jesper happier. Kaz still had a long way to go though, or at least that's what I thought.

I knew Kaz and Inej used to have something between them years ago, before I became a crow, everyone did. That was in the past though.

Inej had been gone for a few months and was finally stopping back in Ketterdam for a couple of weeks. We all missed her so much. I thought once Inej was back we'd all have a great time and everyone would be happy, I was sorely wrong. Leading up to Inej's return Kaz seemed more distanced than usual, I blamed it on the stress of having to get everything with the club ready so that he can actually enjoy Inej's time here, but maybe there was more to it. On the day of her return, we all headed to the port to meet her ship with excitement in the air. When she got off the ship she immediately ran over to Kaz, wrapping the dark-haired man in a hug with a smile. I watched as Kaz returned the hug with a smile on his face. I felt my stomach drop and my heart clench at the interaction. Kaz didn't let anyone touch him like that, or at least that's what I thought. I stood in slight shock as I watched the pair interact and touch with smiles on their faces. I glanced over towards Wylan, Jesper, Nina, and Mattaius who all gave me looks of pity. The looks on their faces did nothing to help the feeling in my chest. Inej came over to the group and greeted us all. I smiled and gave her a hug. I truly missed her a lot. The sickening feeling in my chest wasn't towards her so I had no reason to not be happy to see her. The other crows had a few errands to run so they left, leaving me, Kaz, and Inej. "Are you coming with us to whatever Kaz has planned?" Inej asked happily. I already felt my heart clenching and that just ripped it out. I wasn't invited. He planned something special for her, alone. I gave her a hopefully convincing smile. "No, I have to go make sure the Dregs don't burn the club down. Have fun though, we definitely need to have some girl time with Nina before you leave though." I said, hopefully convincingly. She gave me a hug and took off with Kaz, his arm around her shoulder, without another thought. I stood there at the port for a second, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. I slowly made my way back to the Crow Club.

This week was already a rough one emotionally with the anniversary of my little sister's death coming up tomorrow and this didn't make it better. I had gotten a headache and was exhausted as I walked into the club. Nina noticed my arrival and immediately came over to me. "Hey love, you okay? You look horrible, no offense." She said with a small smile and a hug. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired and have a horrible headache." I mumbled. "You don't have to say you're fine. We all saw your face and the things that happened at the port. I'm sorry, Kaz really is an idiot sometimes." She said, trying to comfort me. At this point, I don't think anything could help my feelings right now. "He's not an idiot, I was the idiot for even thinking I meant anything. I'm going to go back to the slat and take a nap." I said quietly before walking away.

I made my way to the slat and immediately walked towards my room, stopping for a moment at Kaz's doorway. I felt my tears well up again and started to flow down my cheeks. I could never be her. She was the wraith, his wraith. I could never live up to that and I was an idiot for ever thinking I could. I went to my room to take a short nap, hoping that I would wake up and this would be a dream and Kaz loved me back.

I woke up to a setting sun outside my window. I had a feeling Kaz and Inej wouldn't be back yet, nor did I want to see Kaz at the moment so I decided to go visit my sister's grave as a distraction. Kaz was the first person I told about her and what had happened to her. The other crows knew that she had died and when but not how, but Kaz did. Kaz was the only one I wanted comfort from in the moment but at the same time, I don't think I could see him right now without bursting into tears. I walked downstairs to see Jesper sitting at the table cleaning his guns. "Hey." He said with a smile when he noticed me. "Where are you going?" He noticed my bag on my shoulder. "I'm going to visit my sister's grave, the anniversary is tomorrow," I said quietly. "Do you want me to come with you?" He asked with a small smile. I shook my head and thanked him before leaving.

Third Person POV

Kaz walked into the slat to find a not-happy-looking Jesper sitting at the table, which was not a good sign as Jesper was always happy. Inej had headed back to the club to spend time with the other crows and dregs so it was just the two of them. "Why do you look so angry?" Kaz questioned. "Because you're an absolutely bloody idiot Kaz." He said through gritted teeth. Kaz stood there in shock at the sharpshooter's words. "What?" He answered. "You heard me. You're an idiot. Do you even realize what tomorrow is? Or that you've basically ignored Y/N for the past week and a half? Or that you touched all over Inej in front of her? God Kaz, you're my best friend but I can't watch you treat Y/N like this." He snapped. Kaz didn't know what to say at that moment. He just stood there, taking in every word he said and realizing he was right. "Is she here?" He blurted out after a minute of silence. Jesper shook his head with a sigh. Kaz's eyes opened up in a panic. He needed to find her. If she's not at the slat or the club then she was out there in Ketterdam alone, and it was dark. That wasn't safe, even for the crows. "Where is she?" He snaps. "She left about an hour ago saying she was going to visit her sister's grave. I don't know if she's still there." He answered calmly. Kaz knew where he had to go. Without another word he quickly left the slat. Despite the ache in his leg, he was moving as fast as he could. He needed to find her, make sure she's safe. He hadn't realized that he was hurting her, taking her for advantage.

He was the only one who knew where the girl would be. Her sister didn't have a marked grave, she was simply buried under a tree the girls had frequented as children that was outside the edge of town. When Kaz finally made it there he was relieved to find Y/N sitting curled up against the tree next to the flowers planted for her sister. As he approached she didn't acknowledge him, either not noticing or purposely ignoring him. She only acknowledged him when he carefully sat down next to her.

Emma turned towards Kaz with her tear-stained cheeks. She didn't say a word to him, she just turned back to look at the flowers. They sat there in silence for a moment as Kaz tried to figure out what to say. "I'm sorry." He whispered a minute later. Y/N's head swirled toward him in shock as Dirtyhands didn't say sorry. She just looked at him with wide eyes. "I'm sorry." He repeated. "I didn't realize I was hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you." He said quietly, his voice filled with emotion. "I know." She responded with a barely audible whisper. "I was so caught up in getting things ready for Inej to come back I didn't realize that I had taken the person I care about the most for granted." He admitted. Kaz was staring at his hands as he couldn't dare look at Y/N at the moment, he couldn't risk looking up and seeing her angry. "Kaz." She pleaded. He finally looked up at her to see her green eyes filled with so much vulnerability and emotion while silent tears fell down her flushed cheeks. Even now, she was the most beautiful thing Kaz had ever seen. Kaz slowly reached up and brushed the tears off her cheeks gently. Without moving his hand from her warm cheek he continued, "I was busy planning things for when Inej came back because I wanted her to help me do something for you. I was too focused on that to realize that I was hurting you and I'm sorry. I was so excited to do this for you that I didn't even realize what day it was. I should've thought about all of this. I shouldn't have hugged Inej at the port, we were a thing for a little bit before and I know you know that but that's long gone. She was the person who helped me improve my aversion, but not as much as you. She helped me in the beginning and eventually was comfortable enough to hug her but it's not the same as with you. Any small touch with you sets my whole body on fire Y/N. I'm able to hug her but still, in the back of my mind I can feel the waters slowly coming up, drowning me, I can feel the cold of his skin. It doesn't go away with her. With you the waters don't move, they're gone. All I feel is you, warm, alive, and just you. I don't want her, it's you and it always will be. I know it's selfish because I can't give you what you deserve but I don't want to lose you ever." Kaz confessed, emotion dripping from his voice.

As he talked Y/N's tears did not slow down and Kaz had shed a few of his own. Y/N moved her hand and gently placed it upon Kaz's that was on her cheek. "I love you, Kaz." She whimpers. Kaz grins with tears in his eyes. He gently removes his hand to reach into his pocket. He pulls out a dainty silver necklace with a small moon on it. Y/N immediately smiles, knowing what it meant. Kaz had told her once after they had too many drinks that she was the sun of Ketterdam and in response, she said that if she's the sun then he's her moon. That's what this necklace meant. It was a symbol of possessiveness that wasn't obvious to those around them. He pulls his turtle neck collar down slightly to show a matching necklace with a sun on it in place of the moon, showing that not only is she his, but he is also hers. She reaches out to touch the necklace on his neck, swiping her soft fingers across the charm.

She brings her hand up to his cheek with a smile. "Thank you, Kaz, I love it." She whispers. Kaz didn't know what came over him but the next thing he knew he was surging forward to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. He moves a hand to her waist as she kisses him back, both of them putting every unsaid word into it. When they finally pull away they sit there for a minute, foreheads pressed together. "I love you Kaz Rietveld." She mumbles against his lips before giving him a quick peck and pulling back. Kaz lets out a chuckle. "You're the only one who gets to see Kaz Rietveld love." He answers. Y/N feels her face flush. Kaz proceeds to grab the necklace, motioning for her to turn around. She turns and lifts up her hair to give him access to her neck. He carefully places the silver necklace around her neck like if he was any rougher she’d disappear.

The couple sits there in comfortable silence, taking in everything that had happened. Kaz hesitantly wraps his arms around her waist after a few minutes, Emma immediately melting into his touch. He could feel the warmth radiating off of her like a fire. She felt warm and alive, she didn’t feel cold and stiff like Jordie had. Kaz had never been good at words and probably never would be, but he’d try for her. He’d be better for her. To give her even a fraction of what she deserves. He knew he’d never be fully over his aversion and that there would be times where he would pass out at even the thought of touching but at the same time he knew he could improve for her. He also knew that she’d still love him even if he couldn’t get better because she loved him for him, armor and all. She had been patient from the start and didn’t make him feel like he had to try and get over his trauma and aversion and try to be “normal”. She was the only person who he was truly himself with. It had been a rough start between them with lots of pining, Kaz lashing out in hopes of pushing her away so he couldn’t hurt her, and Kaz building up his walls as fast as she could take them down. Eventually, he stopped building, letting her take down his walls brick by brick until for her, and her alone, he was just Kaz Rietveld. With her, he was the boy he thought he left in the freezing ocean a long time ago.

“She’d like you, you know?” Y/N states, breaking the brunette out of his thoughts. “What?” He questions. “Jade, she would’ve liked you. She’d annoy the hell out of you but I think you would have liked her too.” She whispers. In the slight light of the moon, he could see the shine of tears in her eyes but they weren’t sad tears. They were happy, she was happy. Even though she’s gone through hell and back and lost people she loved she knew at that moment that she was meant to be there. In this place and in this time, she was meant to be there. She knew that Jade would be proud of her and that just brought on more tears. She missed her every day but she was healing, slowly but surely, realizing it wasn’t her fault.

Y/N hadn’t realized how much she was crying until she felt Kaz’s arms tighten around her waist and felt a pair of lips against her shoulder. “You loved her and she loved you so if she was anything like you then I would’ve loved her. She’d be proud of you and all your ass-kicking.” He says with a small chuckle, only audible to the two of them. She couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. “I want to stay here forever, just the two of us, but we better head back before the crows start burning the city down without us,” Kaz says, not moving. Emma nods and stands up, helping Kaz up after her. They started their slow walk back to the slat. “Yeah, I’m surprised we can’t see the flames from here. We keep them from killing themselves.” She laughs. Kaz just nodded with a grin.

They continued their walk and as they got closer they could hear the sound of a band that was playing in a plaza nearby. Kaz watched as Emma’s eyes grew wide and a grin formed on her face. She turned to Kaz in excitement. “Dance with me Mr. Brekker?” She teasingly holds out her hand. How could Kaz say no to that face? He couldn’t, that’s how. He took her hand with the roll of his eyes. The two of them started dancing in the empty street, or the closest thing they could do to dancing with Kaz’s leg and Y/N’s clumsiness. Their laughs filled the air, neither of them a care in the world. Kaz spins her one final time as the song ends.

Eventually, they made it back to slat, only getting distracted a few times. They walked into the slat hand and hand. As soon as they opened the door 5 heads turned their way, all with nervous looks on their faces that were immediately replaced with relief. Inej had a knowing look on her face as she caught sight of the silver chain on Emma’s neck, a look only Kaz, Inej, and Emma caught. The two of them joined the rest of the crows at the table for a little bit, all of them laughing and joking until Kaz declared he was going to bed and headed up to his room. The crows waited a minute, watching Emma watch him make his climb up the stairs, knowing she would be next as always. Inej looks at her and motions her head for Y/N to follow him with a smile. Y/N nods with a smile. “Are we still up for girl time tomorrow?” She questions. “Of course, I need it after having to spend hours with Kaz freaking out over what to get you.” Inej laughs. The rest of the group laughs along before Emma makes her descent up the stairs.

She reaches the door to Kaz’s room slowly, reaching her hand up to knock. Before she could even knock on the door she hears, “Come in Y/N, you don’t have to knock.” She opens the door slowly and closes it behind her. Kaz was finishing putting the paperwork on his desk away for the night, his back to her. She just stood there watching him for a moment, admiring the domestic situation. He looked calm, less rigid than normal. Y/N made her way over to his bed and sat down, pulling her legs up onto the bed with her. Kaz finished putting away the papers before going to pull out some clothes to wear to bed. He started unbuttoning his vest and shirt, not caring that Y/N was there. She watched him as he undressed, nothing sexual about the situation. She just enjoyed the vulnerability of it all. She wanted to memorize every piece of his body, every freckle, every scar, every single one of his tattoos, every piece of just him. This wasn’t a new situation, they’d seen each other exposed many times, both due to injuries from heists and in the confines of his room but still she watched him in admiration every time. After Kaz had finished getting dressed he pulled out one of his shirts and a pair of boxers and held them out to her. “Just put them on, I don’t want you to leave.” He said when he watched her hesitate. She nodded and took the clothes. As she put the clothes on, Kaz unknowingly did the same thing she had just done to him, admiring her.

When she finished she turned around to see Kaz sitting at the top of his bed against the headboard. He motions for her to come join him and she willingly does. She sits next to him, making sure not to touch him, worried to press the limits of what he can handle in one day. Kaz shakes his head and pulls her towards him by her waist and basically pulls her up onto his lap. The two of them were sitting closer than ever, Kaz could feel her heart beating and Y/N could feel his breath on her neck. Kaz was holding her like she’d disappear if he dared to let go. “I just want to feel you.” he mumbles against her neck. She smiles at his comment. If anyone saw him like this Kaz would surely kill them. “I know, I just didn’t want to push you too much, already did so much today.” She whispers into his hair. “When Jesper told me you left and he didn’t know where you went I panicked. All I knew was that you were out in Ketterdam after dark and I didn’t know where you were and I couldn’t protect you. When I was looking for you all that was going through my mind was finding you and making sure you were safe. That’s all that goes through my head most of the time. I still don’t know why you chose me but I’m glad you did. I just want you to know that being with me means you’ll constantly be in danger.” He confesses, leaning up to look at her. She brings her hand forward to smooth out the concern between his brows. “I know love. I knew what I signed up for falling in love with the bastard of the barrel. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d rather be in danger with you than to live without you. I didn’t know you were such a sap though Brekker.” She teases him. Kaz laughs, a genuine laugh, one that you don’t hear from him often. He puts on a fake mad face. “Tell anyone and I’ll have to kill you myself.” He sarcastically laughs. Y/N shakes her head with a smile. “You wouldn’t, you love me too much.” She teases, giving him a quick peck. “You’re right.” He chuckles.

The couple spends the next few hours talking and laughing and just enjoying being together, no amour. The night ended with Emma moving to go back to her room to sleep. Kaz grabbed her wrist to stop her but Y/N just shook her head, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently. “You don’t know how much I’d love to stay and sleep with you but you’ve made so much progress and I don’t want us to risk it today, we’ll try tomorrow, I promise.” She says softly. Kaz nods, knowing she’s right, she always is. “Goodnight moon.” She says with a smile. “Goodnight sun.” He answers before she leaves the room.

They weren’t normal and they never would be, but they were them, they were together. They were together through it all, hell and back, amour and all.

They were an eclipse.