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was measuring out some sugar and i scooped out one spoonful and fucking said "two." i didn't know you could even lose count that fast

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I think this is what Lawlight would be like if Light never got the Death Note

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It is November of 1893. You have just killed a vampire. Exhausted and worn, you close your eyes and rest.

You wake up. It is May of 1893. You are on a train en route to Transylvania. Your diary says you have had queer dreams lately.

You try to believe it.

(An old woman puts a rosary in your hands. You accept it without question.)

You are a guest in a castle you have never been in before (you recognize every hallway and know without trying that every door is locked). Your host is a man you have never met before (you killed him you killed him you killed him he had turned to dust and there was blood on the snow).

One morning you cut yourself while shaving.

There is nobody behind you in the pocket mirror’s reflection.

You turn fast, and the razor is like a Kukri knife in your hand.

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A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Climb aboard, then!” But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown. “Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.” 

“I can’t help it,” said the scorpion. “It’s my nature.”

___

…But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the frog felt a subtle motion on its back, and in a panic dived deep beneath the rushing waters, leaving the scorpion to drown.

“It was going to sting me anyway,” muttered the frog, emerging on the other side of the river. “It was inevitable. You all knew it. Everyone knows what those scorpions are like. It was self-defense.”

___

…But no sooner had they cast off from the bank, the frog felt the tip of a stinger pressed lightly against the back of its neck. “What do you think you’re doing?” said the frog.

“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

They swam in silence to the other end of the river, where the scorpion climbed off, leaving the frog fuming.

“After the kindness I showed you!” said the frog. “And you threatened to kill me in return?”

“Kindness?” said the scorpion. “To only invite me on your back after you knew I was defenseless, unable to use my tail without killing myself? My dear frog, I only treated you as I was treated. Your kindness was as poisoned as a scorpion’s sting.”

___

…“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

“You have a point,” the frog acknowledged. “But once we get to dry land, couldn’t you sting me then without repercussion?”

“All I want is to cross the river safely,” said the scorpion. “Once I’m on the other side I would gladly let you be.”

“But I would have to trust you on that,” said the frog. “While you’re pressing a stinger to my neck. By ferrying you to land I’d be be giving up the one deterrent I hold over you.”

“But by the same logic, I can’t possibly withdraw my stinger while we’re still over water,” the scorpion protested.

The frog paused in the middle of the river, treading water. “So, I suppose we’re at an impasse.”

The river rushed around them. The scorpion’s stinger twitched against the frog’s unbroken skin. “I suppose so,” the scorpion said.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Absolutely not!” said the frog, and dived beneath the waters, and so none of them learned anything.

___

A scorpion, being unable to swim, asked a turtle (as in the original Persian version of the fable) to carry it across the river. The turtle readily agreed, and allowed the scorpion aboard its shell. Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell. The turtle, swimming placidly, failed to notice.

They reached the other side of the river, and parted ways as friends.

___

…Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell.

The turtle, hearing the tap of the scorpion’s sting, was offended at the scorpion’s ungratefulness. Thankfully, having been granted the powers to both defend itself and to punish evil, the turtle sank beneath the waters and drowned the scorpion out of principle.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” sneered the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back.”

The scorpion pleaded earnestly. “Do you think so little of me? Please, I must cross the river. What would I gain from stinging you? I would only end up drowning myself!”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Even a scorpion knows to look out for its own skin. Climb aboard, then!”

But as they forged through the rushing waters, the scorpion grew worried. This frog thinks me a ruthless killer, it thought. Would it not be justified in throwing me off now and ridding the world of me? Why else would it agree to this? Every jostle made the scorpion more and more anxious, until the frog surged forward with a particularly large splash, and in panic the scorpion lashed out with its stinger.

“I knew it,” snarled the frog, as they both thrashed and drowned. “A scorpion cannot change its nature.”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog agreed, but no sooner than they were halfway across the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown.

“I’ve only myself to blame,” sighed the frog, as they both sank beneath the waters. “You, you’re a scorpion, I couldn’t have expected anything better. But I knew better, and yet I went against my judgement! And now I’ve doomed us both!”

“You couldn’t help it,” said the scorpion mildly. “It’s your nature.” 

___

…“Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.”

“Alas, I was of two natures,” said the scorpion. “One said to gratefully ride your back across the river, and the other said to sting you where you stood. And so both fought, and neither won.” It smiled wistfully. “Ah, it would be nice to be just one thing, wouldn’t it? Unadulterated in nature. Without the capacity for conflict or regret.”

___

“By the way,” said the frog, as they swam, “I’ve been meaning to ask: What’s on the other side of the river?”

“It’s the journey,” said the scorpion. “Not the destination.”

___

…“What’s on the other side of anything?” said the scorpion. “A new beginning.”

___

…”Another scorpion to mate with,” said the scorpion. “And more prey to kill, and more living bodies to poison, and a forthcoming lineage of cruelties that you will be culpable in.”

___

…”Nothing we will live to see, I fear,” said the scorpion. “Already the currents are growing stronger, and the river seems like it shall swallow us both. We surge forward, and the shoreline recedes. But does that mean our striving was in vain?”

___

“I love you,” said the scorpion.

The frog glanced upward. “Do you?”

“Absolutely. Can you imagine the fear of drowning? Of course not. You’re a frog. Might as well be scared of breathing air. And yet here I am, clinging to your back, as the waters rage around us. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that trust? Isn’t that necessity? I could not kill you without killing myself. Are we not inseparable in this?”

The frog swam on, the both of them silent.

___

“I’m so tired,” murmured the frog eventually. “How much further to the other side? I don’t know how long we’ve been swimming. I’ve been treading water. And it’s getting so very dark.”

“Shh,” the scorpion said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The frog’s legs kicked out weakly. “How long has it been? We’re lost. We’re lost! We’re doomed to be cast about the waters forever. There is no land. There’s nothing on the other side, don’t you see!”

“Shh, shh,” said the scorpion. “My venom is a hallucinogenic. Beneath its surface, the river is endlessly deep, its currents carrying many things.” 

“You - You’ve killed us both,” said the frog, and began to laugh deliriously. “Is this - is this what it’s like to drown?” 

“We’ve killed each other,” said the scorpion soothingly. “My venom in my glands now pulsing through your veins, the waters of your birthing pool suffusing my lungs. We are engulfing each other now, drowning in each other. I am breathless. Do you feel it? Do you feel my sting pierced through your heart?”

“What a foolish thing to do,” murmured the frog. “No logic. No logic to it at all.”

“We couldn’t help it,” whispered the scorpion. “It’s our natures. Why else does anything in the world happen? Because we were made for this from birth, darling, every moment inexplicable and inevitable. What a crazy thing it is to fall in love, and yet - It’s all our fault! We are both blameless. We’re together now, darling. It couldn’t have happened any other way.”

___

“It’s funny,” said the frog. “I can’t say that I trust you, really. Or that I even think very much of you and that nasty little stinger of yours to begin with. But I’m doing this for you regardless. It’s strange, isn’t it? It’s strange. Why would I do this? I want to help you, want to go out of my way to help you. I let you climb right onto my back! Now, whyever would I go and do a foolish thing like that?”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”  

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Come aboard, then!” But no sooner had the scorpion mounted the frog’s back than it began to sting, repeatedly, while still safely on the river’s bank.

The frog groaned, thrashing weakly as the venom coursed through its veins, beginning to liquefy its flesh. “Ah,” it muttered. “For some reason I never considered this possibility.”

“Because you were never scared of me,” the scorpion whispered in its ear. “You were never scared of dying. In a past life you wore a shell and sat in judgement. And then you were reborn: soft-skinned, swift, unburdened, as new and vulnerable as a child, moving anew through a world of children. How could anyone ever be cruel, you thought, seeing the precariousness of it all?” The scorpion bowed its head and drank. “How could anyone kill you without killing themselves?”

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Ok this might be a bit of a weird question but I keep arguing with my mom and sis about this so I need y'all to answer this

[For context my mom and sis keep telling me I shower for too long but my showers are usually 45 minutes to an hour]

(edit: *your showers not you showers)

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it’s 2028. trump is dead. elon is dead. zuckerberg is dead bezos is dead they’re all dead

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mid-conversation I toss a pistol onto the table not to suggest or imply anything but just to change the situation a little

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Bruce loves movies and his bisexual son. I'm picturing him forcing the rest of the kids to sit down and watch Love Simon with him

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happy out of touch dannyversary to all who celebrate

bonus textless version vv

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god I love Gansey. Weirdgirl cosplaying as a normie. Put all his stats into hierarchical / authority social interactions and fumbles even the most basic of peer to peer interactions. Obsessed with and in love with the weird little town he lives in. The most out of touch person you’ve ever met in your life. Would fall on his sword before asking anyone to venmo him for pizza. Haunted by death. Is the glue holding the most eclectic group of friends you’ve ever seen together. Keeps only one type of houseplant. Knows the importance of having a white whale to follow. Occasionally slips into truly archaic language but only when there’s no better word for it. Cannot learn Latin to save his life. All of his friends are cooler than him.

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I love him sm

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Being an evil doppelganger has to be so fucked up like imagine meeting a better version of yourself. Some chain of events going differently that led to "you" being a better person in a way you can never achieve. Personally I'd have no other option but to try and kill them

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Hexside’s Presence is Minimal

It’s worth noting that Hexside was always part of the pitch bible; Of course this world has a school for magic, and it likely would’ve served as a contrast with how Luz is learning from Eda.

But then as was confirmed, Disney mandated that Hexside be more important to the plot, especially in S1, because executives think high school plots are all the rage. Of course, clever creators can still make this work (think Batman Beyond), but it does make me look back at the show because in hindsight…

I remember seeing some people wish that the show explored more of Hexside itself and its curriculum and how Luz navigated it as a human. But I suspect this was because of the creators complying by the mandate only as much as they strictly had to; Thus, they didn’t dive more into these logistics because it was never their vision for Luz to have to grapple with them anyhow.

This goes with an epiphany I’ve had; That a lot of the episodes about Hexside could easily be rewritten in a way where Luz isn’t a student. There’s really only two episodes that strictly require it, in fact.

Escape of the Palisman? Luz wants to impress Willow and Gus by getting them to the Grudgby game regardless, so she takes Owlbert regardless.

Adventures in the Elements? Luz still wants to learn her second spell and might still be afraid of being judged by Amity. Granted, there’s less pressure on Luz to make a hasty decision, and you remove some characterization of Luz not wanting to be seen as weak or any less of a witch/student due to her own trauma struggling in her other school, which plays into The First Day. But still.

Understanding Willow? Luz would still feel obligated to help her friend with her burning mind. Though you do potentially remove Luz’s culpability in the entire situation, which is setup for a flaw that is resolved in Wing it like Witches.

Enchanting Grom Fright? Eda and King aren’t enrolled at Hexside but are still allowed to participate in Grom. So Luz would still offer to help Amity with it and Bump would still accept her as a substitute.

Wing it like Witches? Luz would still care about Willow and Gus being bullied, and get in over her head confronting Boscha about it as she sees an opportunity to be Azura, and subsumes Willow’s dilemma for herself.

Agony of a Witch? You could have Luz sneak into the field trip despite not being a student, such as by dressing as one.

Escaping Expulsion? Luz would still want to help her friends with the Odalia and Alador situation. Luz saying her friends don’t deserve this, and leaving herself out, does lose the implicit self-loathing though if she isn’t enrolled at Hexside and thus suffers no consequences. But then again she agrees to get pummeled for their sake anyhow…

Through the Looking Glass Ruins? Luz does not need to be a student to comfort Gus, nor does Gus necessarily have to be at Hexside at the beginning of the episode for Luz to find him saddened.

Hunting Palismen? The Bat Queen is giving Palismen to young witches in general so even if she’s not a student, Luz would still qualify to get one and thus she’d be welcome at the event.

Eda’s Requiem? Nothing strictly says the race allows only students, just kids.

Any Sport in a Storm? Luz could still help Amity with her school book club and they’d still want to confront “Mildred Featherwhyle” afterwards.

Labyrinth Runners? This one’s pretty self-explanatory.

For the Future? They’re visiting Hexside not because of school obligations but as a refuge from the Collector’s spies. Nothing about the story demands Luz having been a student there at any point.

Really, it boils down to two episodes that actually require Luz to be enrolled at Hexside; Something Ventured, Someone Framed is all about this, and it would suck to lose this really compelling and nuanced lesson that Eda learns. But even then, one could have her learn her lesson by trying, just for Luz to change her mind independently at the end of the episode, possibly scared off by the detention pit and students like Mattholomule.

But there IS The First Day, which is about Luz engaging with Hexside. It’s about her motif of doing everything and wanting it all, the jack of all trades. It’s a love letter to the ‘boring’ weirdoes who actually like to learn at school. It’s Luz making a difference in this world, and foreshadowing for Vee and the draining spell.

In the end it’s arguably only one episode that genuinely needs Luz to be enrolled at Hexside. And I find this all fascinating because it does suggest that the creators tried to make Hexside as minimal to the story as possible, and stay as true to their vision as possible. That being said, you could argue that the writers were still affected when it came to the premise of Luz learning from Eda.

Eda’s responsible for half of Luz’s glyphs, but as for the other two? Plant is essentially done offscreen at the start of Enchanting Grom Fright, but then that episode would still have to exist and justify itself for obvious reasons. And then there’s Wing it like Witches, which is ultimately about Luz, again, learning to distinguish playing out her fantasies with actually helping. You could have a version of this lesson where Eda’s more involved in helping Luz learn the Fire Glyph, with Lilith replacing Boscha entirely.

But then we don’t get to see Amity fulfill her promise to Willow, nor additional Lumity setup. So I think it’s worth considering that S1 had to balance Luz learning not just life lessons from Eda but magic as well, with the fact that there are only four glyphs and Eda not knowing about them is crucial to Luz’s struggle and arc. And then we have other storylines with other characters, including Luz’s peers. And considering one of them is queer rep, she’s definitely justified.

All of this is to say that the writers dealt with their mandates AND made Hexside work for their narrative, while also having to deal with it as little as possible in their writing. And the execution of the premise of Luz learning magic from Eda changed by having the glyphs be something hidden for Luz to find, as part of her relationship with the Titan as a character and setting, and the backdrop of colonization rendering knowledge lost.

There’s also the glyph combos in S2, but the point is that Luz reverses the dynamic by knowing more than Eda here and returning the favor, thereby displaying her growth, while also having Eda concede to Lilith and her own vulnerabilities, giving consequences to the curse and the S1 finale’s events. Plus the story evolving past its base premise as it gets more complicated.

TL;DR The writers found a way to minimize Hexside’s footprint within the show while still making the most of its presence as they’d always intended anyhow. And so there are other factors to consider in regards to Luz learning magic from Eda having to be balanced with other storylines and ideas as well (some of which may have been pushed more by executives), and there being limited time for this period of the story before the goals change as the stakes are raised beyond Luz’s education. Not to mention how the amount of magic Luz can learn from Eda is itself limited.

I think TOH’s first season works pretty well; That said, you can believe how executive meddling led to priorities being shifted, even if all of it does matter. Except Once Upon a Swap arguably but I think that episode is fine.

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just remembered the other day a teen approached me holding a rapidly melting chunk of ice in his hand and asked if i wanted to buy a "limited edition pet rock"

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don't believe everything you see