brettanomycroft

[brettanomycroft]

tumblrinas need to see this

[brettanomycroft]

I'm certain this is on Tumblr somewhere, but I haven't seen it around, so I'm sharing it myself

[brettanomycroft]

yo hey US people who sent in absentee ballots, they are tossing mail-in ballots for no reason. i just had to call my county board of elections and demand a cure for my ballot because north carolina didn't send out any notices of issues with ballots, and the issues are fake. if you voted by mail-in make sure your ballot was actually counted

[brettanomycroft]

Nearly 14,000 mail ballots in Nevada have signature issues

Officials urge residents to use online tool to check if ballot was accepted

The total number of ballots — 13,906 — needing curing include 6,383 from registered nonpartisan or other voters, 4,026 from Democrats and 3,497 from Republicans.

The deadline for voters to cure their ballots is 5 p.m. Nov. 12, officials said. Ballots can be cured here.

The main issue they're having with young voters is that Nevada allows for voter registration through the Department of Motor Vehicles, and the "signatures" are digital (the licensee types it into a form), so their hand-written signatures on their ballots don't match the KEYSTROKES that serve as signatures on their license.

It would be hilarious if it weren't so fucking infuriating.

[brettanomycroft]

things jon missed while stalking his colleagues:

the fact that sasha had been half lined up for gertrude's job and how that would be a pretty good murder motive

the discrepancy between elias's hiring in 1991 and how he said he was working as a filing clerk in 1972

tim's brother's mysterious disappearance/death directly preceding his change in careers

martin's real age and literally any of his academic or employment history

conclusion: he's bad at this <3

[brettanomycroft]

one of the most challenging skills i've had to learn as an adult is the art of figuring out whether i'm proportionally annoyed with someone or just tired and overstimulated and looking for reasons to be pissed off

[brettanomycroft]

Part 2 of my vine compilation of vines I hadn’t seen in many (or any) compliations and was afraid to lose forever

Part 1

[brettanomycroft]

I realized that a bunch of my favorite vines are ones I haven’t seen in any vine complications and I was afraid of losing them to the void so here you are (plus some classics that I couldn’t leave out)

Part 2

[brettanomycroft]

[brettanomycroft]

disney meme: one/seven villains

yzma; Oh, I know. I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I’ll put that flea in a box, and then I’ll put that box inside of another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives… I’ll smash it with a hammer! It’s brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say!

[brettanomycroft]

Welcome to Tumblr, we *smack* are a normal *smack* social media blogging *smack smack smack* website.

[brettanomycroft]

so i'm currently rereading Lolita and, in it, the word "crepitate" is used. i wasn't sure if it had multiple meanings, so i googled it.

now, i don't know about you, but when i type a word like "crepitate" into the search bar, i don't really expect "fart" to appear in any of the top results, and yet:

i was disappointed to learn that there isn't a classification system for farts, but, rather, you can buy a CD featuring a fart competition called The Original Crepitation Contest that Amazon reviewers assure me is comedy gold. okay. mystery solv--

hang on.

this also came up. Google is presenting it as fact.

Google is telling me that on May 16th, in the year of our lord 1972, a man farted for 1/3 of a second at a register of 194 dB.

according to the National Hearing Conservation Association, that is the loudest possible sustained sound. when a sound reaches that decibel, it no longer travels through the air, but moves it. it only comes from things like volcanic eruptions and can cause organ damage.

call me a Doubting Thomas if you must, but i just don't think this is true.

i just don't think anyone recorded a man farting so hard that it created a literal shockwave, blowing his asshole clean off and probably killing everyone around him, because i just don't think a guy did that, and i especially don't think that, if he did, his government name was Alvin Meshits.

at this point i'd totally forgotten i was trying to read literary classic Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov and instead started searching for the origin of Mr. Meshits, fart terrorist. from what i can tell, someone on Reddit just randomly shared it to r/todayilearned and Google went "yeah, this seems true" and now it's just out there.

now someone might stumble upon it and go "wow, that's crazy" and live the rest of their life believing a fart erupted at such force it likely blew its own progenitor to creamed corn.

i don't think Madeline, Texas is even a real place.

[brettanomycroft]

Lucy Liu for V China Magazine

[brettanomycroft]

[brettanomycroft]

[brettanomycroft]

Hired a moving company and they sent four strong, strapping, beautiful lads to my house to disassemble my furniture and move all my things. I loved them. I got them pizza. They told me moving company gossip. I missed them one minute after they left. My moving lads. Come back to me. You're so strong and so well trained in safe lifting