boobooblacksheep

[boobooblacksheep]

Going No-Contact with the Narcissist This isn't the first time I've gone no contact with my mother, but it will be the last time. It wasn't until I connected a definitive term for her behavior, that I realized she displayed narcissistic tendencies.

It totally destroyed me. Trying so hard to love my mom when she never really loved me. Doing everything possible to get her to show me love....because mom's are supposed to love their kids unconditionally.

So, of course I thought there was something wrong with me. I must not be loveable. I must not be a good daughter. I went into a spiral of anxiety, depression, and self-destructive behavior.

When your mother doesn't love you the way a parent is supposed to love their child it alters everything in your world. Self-esteem, self love, friendships, relationships, employment, everything. When you don't feel worthy of love from the person who brought you into the world, you kind of just wander through life aimlessly. You try your best to function as normally as possible, even though you're void of any real identity. There were times I felt loved but I had to work hard for those moments. It felt like something was always attached to get that attention. Of course, when she wanted something she would turn on the love bombing. And I always fell for it because I craved her attention, even as an adult. It's not easy to go full no-contact. You doubt yourself and your decision. You start to think about "good" moments, no matter how few there were. If you have religious beliefs, you question if what you're doing is right. But how many times can one person "forgive & forget"? Only to be treated the same way over & over. There is irreparable damage done. Most of my childhood and adult life was stripped of normalcy because of my relationship with my mother. My basic needs were met, but I did not feel loved or wanted. With my son, I have broken the generational cycle of neglect/abuse. He will never need to question his worth or if he is loved. No child should ever have to carry that burden. When we heal those parts of us that were broken, we can ultimately stop the cycle from going any further. It's not a clean-cut journey. But with devotion and intention you can move forward to a better life.

[boobooblacksheep]

Someone's sexual preference is none of your business. Stop judging.

Someone who has health issues that you might not see or understand, it doesn't mean they aren't suffering. Stop judging.

Someone who has issues with weight, whether over or under....none of your business. Also, saying to someone, "You look like you've lost some weight", or "You need to eat a burger".....are also judgements. Just say, "You look great!" Stop judging!

Excusing someone's inappropriate behavior by saying, "Oh that's just how they are"..... It's wrong. Stop justifying people's actions.

If someone has different beliefs than yours whether it be spiritual, political, anything.....it's ok. You'll live. And probably quite happily if you stop judging others.

[boobooblacksheep]

People will perpetuate family divide while claiming to not understand why certain members are divided. History repeats itself. And it will continue to do so until someone breaks the chain of repetition.

Most families have members who don't associate with others or who have cut ties....for whatever reasons. And they will claim to not understand how such a thing could happen....yet they repeat history and do it themselves. Hypocritical? Yes. I have seen people put themselves out there, open to new bonds & ties. Only to be blown off, ignored, ghosted....call it what you like.

But one thing I cannot understand is how a parent can create a divide with their child....no matter their age....for NO reason. I will never understand that. Whether my son is 4 or 44, I will always be a part of his life.

[boobooblacksheep]

I'm the youngest of my family. The baby. And even though I'm in my 40s, each and every member of my family treats me like I'm still that little girl. I get talked down to and belittled because I'm not what they want me to be.

[boobooblacksheep]

At what age did you realize your parent was toxic?

I was 11 years old when I first realized that my mother did not have my best interest at heart. It was Christmas break. My mom left my dad and took me with her to her best friend’s house. My brother was a few years older than me and he stayed with my dad. My 2 older sisters were already out of the house.

To have your parents separate at such a young age is traumatic enough.  I truly did not understand what was happening.  I was scared. ��

As my mom pulled out the sleeper sofa in her friend’s spare bedroom, she explained that she was going out with a friend for a little while. A friend? Going out? Didn’t you just rip me away from my home and family? Shouldn’t you be holding me and showing me comfort?

I cried as I watched out the window, seeing her get into a car with a man I did not know. I cried myself to sleep that night. I missed my dad.  I just wanted to be at home in my own bed. It wasn’t until I was older that I fully understood that my mom left my dad for another man. 

I resented her for tearing our family apart. Tearing me away from my home and school. We moved a few times within a year and I had to switch schools several times. I wished she had just left me with my dad, so I could continue to go to school with all my friends that I grew up with since kindergarten. I was a really good student up until then. But I struggled being moved around and trying to fit in & make friends.

No matter where we moved, we had to share a room together. The nights that she was at home and not out with her “friend”, she would tell me about how “mean” my dad had been to her. She told me stories about how my dad would verbally & physically abuse her. I didn’t experience any of that. And regardless, I was a child.  She had no business sharing that information with me. It was like she was trying to pollute my view of him, to get me on her side. In the end it made me closer to my dad, not her.  Because even if he was a shitty husband, he was still a great father.

Within the year my mom & this man rented a house together. He was very distant with me. He didn’t really talk to me and made it difficult to talk to him.  He made me feel like I was in the way, like he resented me for ruining their little love affair. 

At this point, I was 12 year old. I felt neglected by my mother and unwanted in my own home. Yes, my needs were met. I never went without food or clothes.  But, I no longer had the love and care of my mother.

[boobooblacksheep]

I don't know how you get these good looking guys. You must be really good in bed.

From my mother when I was 17.