boo-yu

[boo-yu]

April 2022

物极必反大概再贴切不过了 

[boo-yu]

完全想不起有些事情是如何发生的了 最近好友的生活经历了巨变 但这些事情好像都是有先兆的 也让我回忆到某段时间的自己大概也是这样每天飘在空中

[boo-yu]

love is a touch and yet not a touch QUOTE

I came to New York from Seattle. I was going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. But in four years I've learned that I am not going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. I'm a good printer's assistant, but that's all I am. One day the printer got sick, and I had to take his place. What a mess I made of things, Miss Lester. No one would take my orders. The typesetters just sort of giggled when I would tell them to get to work. And I don't blame them. I'm a fool when I give orders. I suppose I'm one of millions who was never meant to give orders. But I don't mind anymore. There's a twenty-three-year-old kid my boss just hired. He's only twenty-three, and I am thirty-one and have worked at the same place for four years. But I know that one day he will become head printer, and I will be his assistant. But I don't mind knowing this any more. Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think that love is sex and marriage and six-o'clock kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think that love is a touch and yet not a touch.

[boo-yu]

Interracial face recognition

I should call it “interracial face recognition” problem. 

This happens to me not all the time, but ever once a while, or frequent enough to make me doubt everything about this office. 

I was in the restroom, washing hands next to this secretary. I guess she was trying to find a small talk, and so she said: “Oh, I left something on your chair, it’s from John.” 

I was like “Oh, really?” I started wondering why John would leave anything to me--I haven’t met/talked to him for weeks. 

(John was the managing partner of our office) So of course, I rushed back to my office and found nothing on my chair. 

The next thought is: she must have thought I was someone else -- who would that possibly be? -- the other ASIAN attorney in the office! 

Of course, I would like to check it myself and prove myself right. So I rushed into the other girl’s office -- there it is! papers on her chair. 

For me, me and the other girl are not alike: she’s much taller (at least that’s how I think), she wears dresses and heels most of the time. But again, to those causation staff, we are all pretty much similar: tiny Asian, long hair, Asian look? I don’t know what/how they think. 

I mean, even my secretary, who works FOR ME, wasn’t able to identify us. I am not sure if she can now, but I try not to think about it. 

So that happened when one day, she came to my office, with a Motion she just filed, and told me I need to put two spaces after a period instead of one for the state court filing. I was so confused after she complained she spent so much time correcting the spaces. I was like “I don’t think I drafted that Motion, but sure, I will make sure to put two spaces in the future.” Then she realized that it was the other Asian girl she should talk to. 

I’m SURE my secretary can tell me from the other girl now. I’m sure. 

Another thing I found difficult sometimes is the pre-judgment. 

For example, I am fairly quiet in front of strangers, and when people see an Asian face in Kentucky, some of them assume I can’t speak English. -- I mean it might be fairly to say I don’t speak well? But how they look at me indicated that they just assume they have to use very basic language to communicate with me and slowly. But this is not the hard part, the hard part is that they already decided that they can’t understand what I say, thus, most of the time, they can’t understand what I was saying the first time. I have to either talk very well or sounds very confident to GAIN their “trust” that they can communicate with me. 

-- another unrelated topic 

I’ve always thought I speak fast, especially I used to be the host in the middle school and I feel like I was always very active. I don’t know if my talking speed changed or I just always talk this way, but there was one time my friend and I were having an argument with a driver, and we were trying to get the argument on video as evidence, then I replayed myself, and what surprised me was how slow I talked. Ever since I started to record myself reading a piece of a paragraph and listen to how fast I talk. But, I also noticed I talk fairly slow even when I talk in Chinese. I guess this might just be how fast I talk generally, doesn't have much to do with the language I use. 

Back to the racial thing. I guess she wasn’t necessarily racist, and in fact, she was trying to be nice to inform me something she did. However, moments like this just make me feel I don’t belong. 

[boo-yu]

Just ask?

I was walking back to my apartment last night, and the guy who is picking up our trash was walking ahead of me. I have seen him several times, and most of the time I would say hi, smile, nod, and sometimes ask him how is he doing, just generally trying to be polite. 

He was very happy to see me, and I asked him how is he doing, and he said “good thanks.” That should be the end of our conversation, and I should just walk back to my apartment. Then he hesitated for a little bit and said sorry if he could ask for a question. I was worried that he was going to say something about how I placed my trash wrong. But I said sure, what is it. He asked if I ever received an email regarding the garbage cart from the management. I couldn’t remember if I receive something, like maybe, something about where to put boxes. I wasn’t sure. Then the guy just expressed his concern that some people dispose big boxes into the cart, and as a consequence, he wasn’t able to use the cart, and he had to carry the trash to the trash disposal. I feel bad for him, I don’t remember if I received that kind of email recently, so I just advised him maybe he can just ask the management to send all residents an email, and that lots of new residents are moving in, they’ve been messing up with our mail cart, so it’s probably better to send an email regarding the trash cart. He hesitated and said maybe he should talk to his supervisor first. Then I was like: I think you can just ask the management team, they are nice. He raised his voice a little bit and said: “they are nice?” I don’t know if this is a question or a surprise. But I was close to my apartment, and I told him I think they will be fine with it and went back home. 

But at that moment, it made me think, are they nice? Why can’t he just talk to them? Just ask them to send an email. 

I relate this to my daily work. Days like today/recently, I am not busy. And one and basically the only solution for me is to ask for work. This happened to me several times. But when it comes to me, I had a similar hesitation. It usually took me several days before I actually ask someone. First, I was waiting for more work from people I usually work with, and I ask them. Then I don’t get any responses for days, and then I had to go outside my office, maybe walk door to door to ask for work. Then people would say, yeah, will let you know if I have anything. Then it never happens. This discourages me for asking again. It usually takes another few days before I kind of finally step out, and reach out to someone who I have never talked to, and ask if they need any help. 

I guess what I’m getting here is just it’s hard. As a resident, I feel I have the right to ask for things, complaint if people stay too late at the pool making noises, ask for package room access when the delivery guy forget to put one in the system, but for the trash guy (I think his name is Qua) he would be talking to his bosses, just like me, talking to my bosses (which could be anyone since they are all more experienced than me). 

That being said, I just asked a corporate finance partner for some work, and hopefully can work on transactional stuff in the following months. 

[boo-yu]

Chaos

I like setting up target/goals for myself, especially when I realized how important it is to have some goals. 

So my primary goal for the next month would be to learn the banking system and learn banking law in depth. 

Today Sarah asked me to revise a discovery request and also said that she would like to see me progress in the next month on targetting specific questions when drafting discovery requests. It then hits me that I need to really learn how banking works. I was a little bit afraid, especially when I got the bad feedback when I first worked with the other partner, and I had the idea in my head that I don’t know how to draft/response discovery requests. Not until today did I realize that if that is true, then I need to improve and learn to do it right. 

Why the title is Chaos. 

Received a work email, briefing the Kentucky offices on a court fight between attorneys. Ironic... 

A good friend who I met last year and her husband are moving to CA, and I had lunch with her at noon. She also just got pregnant, and I think she will be a terrific mother. I am glad I can still see her in October in Vegas. She was worried that I will go to the event by myself. But I think I will be fine. 

Other than that, still two weeks left for July, and hope I can fulfill my goals by the end of the month (actually just running 13 miles and take the bar exam and finish 2 or 3 books about banking). 

[boo-yu]

Check, fun fact

Just learned the box on the check is called courtesy box, which will be trumped by written words if the amount of the check is unclear. 

Section 3.114 of the UCC: 

“If an instrument contains contradictory terms, typewritten terms prevail over printed terms, handwritten terms prevail over both, and words prevail over numbers.”

Thus, do not cross out words if it’s not correct, and just void the check and write a new one. 

[boo-yu]

Slow

Haven’t been writing for a while. I don’t remember if I wrote this down already: why I’d prefer to express myself in English. One theory I read is that since English is the second language for me, and my brain relates logics to the language, thus, it is easier for me to express things I normally have a difficult time expressing in Chinese. 

I finally went to a clinic (a clinic, not a doctor) today, as I was joking to a friend, the doctor basically was saying there’s nothing wrong with me, but please pay for $200 for two creams and a pill to use and see if that helps. Then I knew, I shouldn’t have visited. When I was at the counter picking up the medicine, the pharmacist asked for my insurance, and it turned out I still have to pay more than $100 (I chose the cheapest insurance option, which is $0 for me, so I wasn’t expecting it to be a great insurance plan, but still). Then he asked me “so you’re gonna pay for this?” I was like “Do I have another option?” He smiled, and said “yeah....” 

It is crazy, it’s been about 6 months already, and I still think: should I try to talk to D? Then a second thought, what do I talk to him? 

So I met a boy (like a sophomore) last time I flew from MID to NYC. We chatted for like 20 minutes before landing, and he asked to add my WeChat, and I didn’t turn him down. Somehow he didn’t add me, and I didn’t really care. Then weirdly, the day before yesterday, I got an email from him, give me his number and asked if he found the right person and explained why he couldn’t add me on WeChat. I didn’t reply to his email, nor did I send a text. But that night, I got a FB friend request from him, and obviously, he also checked me on LinkedIn. I didn’t respond. Then, yesterday, I got a phone call from him... to my office.... asking me if I received his email. So creepy!! Because I don’t think I told him my name. 

So I googled a few keywords, and I showed up, even without know names, you can find people. I guess this is the area we are living right now. 

[boo-yu]

A “typical” day of a young attorney

First of all: where the f**k is my draft? 

The day I would like to describe is yesterday, and I had the idea while I was talking to Sarah. 

5:30 get up, wash face and brush teeth. 

5:45 driving to orange theory.  

6:00 -7:00 workout. 

7:20 back home, shower. 

7:30 cook and eat and dress up. 

7:50 heading to the office. 

8:00 in the office. 

I tried to come in early because Sarah would like to talk anytime between 8-10 am, and I would like to talk to her before she gets super busy. Luckily, I was able to come to her office around 8:10 am. 

A new case she talked to me the day before. She would like me to draft Interrogatories and had sent me some documents for review before I start drafting. This is an interesting case, where a company filed bankruptcy, and the company was allegedly involved with a Ponzi scheme, where the trustee is going after investors, trying to collect some “interests” back. Of course, I did not know how this works and just learned about it. 

It was the moment when Sarah asked me to walk with her, while she was trying to find documents and explaining to me how things work. That reminds me of the movie the big short’s explanation scene. 

8:30 back to the office. Very not motivated. So start reading the background knowledge of the Ponzi scheme, and trying to understand what was going on in the case. 

9:00 Bagel day Wednesday, went for a donut -- the reason I gained so much weight. 

9:00 -11:00 read some emails, read the Complaint. 

11:00 head out for a hearing. The drive should be 1.5 hours, and I would like to stop for lunch, so just went earlier. 

12:45 arrived at the courthouse, and looking for the right room. Most of the time, there will be a printed docket posted outside the room, but there is no docket information in that court. I went to the room, and it seems very large and fancy. However, I saw two sides of the table, and it doesn’t seem like a civil court. I sit there for a minute, went outside for some signs, asked a random person if this is “Room 1.” No luck. Then I had to ask the sheriff (since it’s 12:58 and I didn’t want to miss the hearing), and the sheriff brought me to the family division (interesting). At least I was in the right room now. Then the Judge called for a few cases, and he started to ask if there are any civil cases that he hasn’t called. This is the time when I stand up and inform the Judge of our case. It is a Motion to dismiss, and the opposing counsel happened to be there (no objection), so the Judge entered the Order. - Mission accomplished. 

1:20 driving back. 

2:45 back to the office. 

Other than the hearing, it was just a very slow day. Since I am out of the office next Monday-Wednesday, so I checked the calendar and have to make sure that all the hearings are covered (a.k.a. notify all my bosses that I won’t be here, and ask what I need to do). 

The rest of the day is pretty much just reading whatever I have for the case. 

6:00 pm went back home. Normally I am aiming at leaving the office around 6;30, but just don’t feel like staying, and was hoping it won’t rain so that I could go out for a run. 

6:30 back home and walk my dog. Then make dinner, do laundry, went to bed early. 

Yes, I noticed I forget to study for the bar. 

The other day when I talked to my secretary, I was like “oh, I really need to study a little bit for the California bar.” She responded “girl, I never heard anyone comments study for the bar like this.” 

I need to thank for the partner who stopped working with me, cause I might still be just writing Answer and Settlement Agreements all the time since he has a trust issue. It is ironic when I talked to the senior associate he worked with, the senior associate was actually trying not to work with the partner because he wanted to work more on corporate work, and interestingly, he commented the partner as very moody and emotional. I guess that might be a good thing. 

I think I also resolved another “problem.” I googled a lot on passive aggressive behavior since I was not sure if I am. But I think I am just aggressive sometimes, not passive aggressive -- cause I hate that shit. 

I also had a wried theory that just popped up, regarding communicate/who attracts me. I think I feel safer reaching out and am scared/annoyed if someone is chasing after me. Basically my whole childhood, I was chased by my father, who wants to give me his love, which I don’t really want. I guess that can turn into situations where I just generally don’t want to receive expressed love, while my mom loves me in a different way, which is the way I am familiar with, and somehow turned into some forms of relationship I am unconsciously looking for.

Maybe, maybe not. I guess I am thinking about it because I had to ask someone to take care of Bubu, whom I don’t really want to talk to since he would probably take every chance to get closer to me. But I don’t want to say it’s similar to D, cause I would never let someone I don’t like kiss me? or hold hands? But again, I definitely felt D’s withdraw from the beginning, I won’t spend time guessing anymore. My life would probably be the same. 

Last night while watching a show, Hannah asked her day:” I just want to do the right thing, tell me if this is the right thing to do.” And her day said, “You’ll know if it is the right thing.” I guess I don’t know if anything is the right thing. 

I think I had a dream, and when I woke up, I felt I had three of those dreams, and it really made me think: am I living in another world while sleeping? Also in one of the dreams, M was in it, and he was outside my door, having a bunch of roses, trying to apologize to me, and I was inside my apartment, panic, and trying to find my cell phone asking for help. I don’t remember if I jump out of the window in the dram or not. But when I wake up, I feel so relieved it’s a dream. 

It is so wried sometimes, sometimes, like I remember I was with someone, but other times, I remember what I did, how I felt and had a doubt if I were just by myself or with someone.  

I am a little scared of what comes next. But I want to stay positive: whatever will be, will be. 

[boo-yu]

Catch-up

Somehow, sometimes, always feel like I’m catching-up as if I can never get ahead (and even if I get ahead sometimes, once you stop, you’ll have to catch up again. 

Why I did not follow the daily “writing” plan--there are only limited things I can do one day, I gave the writing priority because it helps with dealing with my emotions and clearing my thoughts. But after a while, when I don’t need the spiritual/routine support I get from writing, I chose to give it a break and just gradually turning it into a habit instead of a self-rescuing tool. 

Part of the reasons I stopped was that I realized this kind of unorganized writing might not help me with my writing. --- although it could, I just need to put more efforts into it. This is so true-- the efforts. 9 months after working as an attorney, sometimes, I finally feel like I can write something: a research memo, a brief, etc. Just sometimes, because most of the time, I still don’t know how to write. I guess that’s ok. I remember when I was at another associate’s office, she typed a short email, and deleted it, and typed another sentence, and deleted it, and typed another sentence, and re-read before sending it out. These are the moments that I remind myself: you really need to pay attention. 

Back to the gym for a month now. Started to feel the muscle back. Glad I am still in control of my body and know what’s going on. The first two weeks, get the body used to work out; the second two weeks, gaining muscle and improving strength; and now I am on my third two weeks, which I believe would be the time to lose weight (& of course I need to control what and how much I eat). I will be back in shape in July! 

Last week had two days CLE, where I basically had to sit all day for two days, learning... reminds me of law school or training I had when I started working, plus another day of associates retreats, where I met some colleagues in person. Besides that, just social and networking, which is exhausting. 

I started watching shows myself, which is fine. Broadway is touring, and I feel lots of the audience are older people (I guess they are richer than younger people in small cities).  

Haven’t been traveling after the ski season ends, and finally planned a trip (for the NY bar ceremony). Already looking forward to it. 

Oh, during one CLE session, the speaker mentioned that try to identify three things that make you happy on a particular day. I guess I will try, I think it relates to what I value the most at the moment. So for today: I finished the appellee brief, am going to pole class, and will have ramen for dinner! 

[boo-yu]

Delayed pleasure

A reminder need to write on this.

Went to watch a show and worked on appellee briefs for hours.

[boo-yu]

One of those days

Today is just a wried day. 

I watched the new Black Mirror yesterday, and the first episode has something to do with games. I guess it reminds me of D and somehow I dreamt about him last night. I woke up in the morning, feeling wried. 

Working, finally, maybe know what I am doing (what I am supposed to do) -- Again, feeling lucky that Sarah shows me everything she is doing, and I could learn from her. And get something filed. Went back home for lunch. 

There is a free CLE in the afternoon, and there are two new federal court judges speaking, just to show some efforts, and was preparing to go to that event. So right after I went out of the elevator, I saw a group of people, and then I saw M. He then walked towards me and asked me how I’m doing, how Bubu is doing, how my parents are doing.. I feel super wried seeing him, talking to him, feel that he cares about me, yet, I am very polite and was smiling the whole time. Then his group had to go, and he had to go. All this time, I just wish my colleagues were on time, and didn’t need to answer his question like where I was going. But “luckily” I was going to court, not like I was going for lunch. Anyways, just unexpected. (but makes sense that he would volunteer to do things like these). 

I am actually super tired already, and have to get up early tomorrow to check more records. But, want to write about this old lady I encountered at the courthouse today. You can tell she was not having all her shit together. She asked me “what do you do?” I said “lawyer” and she was like “oh, that’s too bad for you.” I didn’t know how to response. Then she went “where are you working?” I said “Dinsmore.” Then she went “oh, that’s a good firm, stay with them.” I was just confused. She couldn’t stop talking about herself, what she had been through. I guess for me that was just a social event, and people don’t really talk about themselves (or I guess they do, it’s just I would ask people to talk about themselves, but I didn’t really ask her). She had a comment to me that “you should keep a journal, write about your experience.” I was almost going to say that “I just started.” But I did not want to have another long conversation with her, so I just decided to record this moment when I come back. 

highlight of the day: went pole dancing. 

[boo-yu]

Dream

Had a dream last night. I woke up feeling depressed because I dreamt about me going to the second city show with D.

Highlight of the day? Had a few drinks (haven’t been drinking since last month).

Spartan got cancelled and walked in stormshower for like 5 minutes—rain is cutting my skin and can’t open my eyes. Felt bad for the friend I brought with, basically ruined her shoes.

[boo-yu]

Workout

2-week workout done. Gaining muscle. Need about 4 more weeks to get back in shape/ loss weights. —> then the summer will come!

Need to eat less chips and have more sleep.

Will start climbing next week.

Highlight of the day: sent out NY admission material out! Fingers crossed, hope to get admitted ASAP.

[boo-yu]

Writing (1)

So what happened was Sarah told me to work on a reply to a motion for summary judgment, and she told me to just reply as we already did for many times, and basically copy paste the argument we had. SO I took her advice and it did not turn out well: I basically had to re-write the reply cause she said: I can’t read this cause you can tell it’s copy paste. -- I mean.. I just did what I was told to do? Yet, after reading the reply myself, I can’t help but ask: did I really spend 4-6 “writing” this shit? 

I guess part (if not all) of my job is to write. I think next time people ask me what I do, I should be like: I am a writer. 

This topic needs to be continued. (Had lunch with managing partner, and learnt that he clerked for two years before working at a law firm- now I see why it is important to clerk) (even the partner next door, he is detailed oriented: printed out the entire answer and read through it; printing out time-sheet and correct narratives). 

The highlight of the day: worked on the reply for a few hours and think it is a much better brief now. 

[boo-yu]

Parents

My mom always surprises me. 

I video chat with her today, and she saw the bruise on my left hand, she was like “what’s that?” 

It is almost impossible for her to see the bruise due to the angles. But somehow she noticed that. I was like: I have no idea, just woke up like that. 

Then she noticed my pole. Although I have been going to the studio and practicing for about two years, I did not tell my parents; I was worried that they might have the stereotypical thinking that it is for strippers. I was like “it’s pole dance.” My mom was surprised I am doing pole dance, but she was like “why pole dance, isn’t that gonna mess up with your hands? Does it hurt?” -- Interesting. She did not judge me at all. 

Then I told her I signed up for an obstacle race on Saturday, and it will be about 12 km, she was like: “why are you running? that sounds long, if it’s too hard then you should just quit.” (I feel this might be why I am competitive by nature, but not super competitive in reality)

My dad in the background just yelled: “do whatever you want, as long as you tried.” -- a typical phrase he would say to me (and his way of saying we support you no matter what). 

I guess I am still lucky in some sense (I guess my childhood problems were just unwanted attention, and false promise -- I got messed up in these aspects, but at least I was smart enough to always focusing on myself and read and study). 

I got offended when I went back to Beijing last summer when I wear super short shorts and a low v-neck sleeveless shirt. On the street, I heard this lady talking to her about 9-10 years old daughter, something like: “see, if you don’t study hard, you’ll be like her someday.” Excuse me? You mean be a lawyer someday? I don’t know what she was trying to say, but somehow I feel she was implying that I was a late night worker (that was early in the morning). On the subway, some female would stare at me, unfriendly, judging, and a few parents would turn to their children and be like “you should never dress like her.” Some male would stare at me and make me really uncomfortable.  I turned to my friend and complained to him, he was like “just ignore them, they don’t know anything.” I dress the same in front of my parents, my relatives, and all their comments were: you should eat more, or your top looks cute, or are you cold? No one asked me to put on more cloth or said I should not dress in certain ways. 

I haven’t told my mom I got a tattoo either, and I just realized that I need to be careful when I video chat with her since she is very observant. My mom warned me so many times that I should not get a tattoo, especially after my cousin and her husband got one on their arms. But I can imagine if I show her, she would be like “why are you getting that” and then “actually it looks kind of cute” and then “but still, why do you need that? does it hurt?” (and I just realized that she is afraid of everything dangerous, everything that might hurt; something I never thought about since she was always brave, or at least teach me to be brave all the time)

I don’t know why I was so independent, even when I was little--they would tell me stories about how I did everything myself: got up early, put my own cloth, and walked to my grandparents’ place myself, and when they got up, they always found me disappeared (that was when I was 5, according to them); and my cousin and I took a 12-hour train from Beijing to Jilin while I was .. I don’t remember, like 8? And I always go with some other people like different cousins’ family on trips. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I were to have children, I guess I would want to know how are they all the time? 

But I know my mom still cares about me and thinks about me--she just doesn’t want to “disturb” me? I like going out all the time and sometimes went back home pretty late. All my friends' parents would start calling or texting them, asking them to go home, but my mom rarely asked (maybe even if she asked, I will probably follow my own schedule. However, when I went home, she was always there waiting for me. Feels very sweet. 

It is somehow sad that we are all growing older. I don’t know how to face it when they became even older. Last time I traveled with my mom, she behaved like a child sometimes: somehow I didn’t know how to handle it at the beginning since she was always the one trying to apologize to me, now it’s my turn to be patient and apologize and try to make her happy. --- this is very emotional to write about, I need to go to bed now. 

The highlight of the day: feels somehow efficient, and scheduled a lunch with my boss (finally). 

Need more sleep! and hopefully, be more efficient tomorrow! 

[boo-yu]

anecdotes?

Movies & shows: have been watching many standup comedy recently: Amy Schumer; Iliza Shlesinger; and some others like: Trevor Noah, Ellen, Wanda. 

Watched Friends for the thousand times, and somehow watched a few episodes from Black Mirrors again. Watched an old movie: the ugly truth (very similar to he’s not that into you); and the Da Vinci Code (I think I only read the book while I was in middle school, but have never watched the movie).

Work & Study: Somehow I forget about making a study schedule (just realized it now); Put together a reply to summary judgment motion and will review it tomorrow morning; emailed D.C. partner an outline of the article; did most of the time entry for last week; wasn’t able to work on appellee brief (somehow noticed that another associate viewed my brief after I told her I was working on an appellee brief, don’t know why..). 

Others: Somehow saw M’s feed on Venmo (and why is Venmo a social place); just kinda makes me sick. He would change a public feed into a private one for basically everything. Something WAS WRONG with me back then (not sure if everything is ok now); the devil in me kind of hope he doesn’t pass the bar the second time (I mean not that I care either way, just annoyed to think “legal profession” consists of people like him---but the truth might be, exactly people like him are likely to succeed in the midwest: like smart, social, white republican?) I thought I might have some emotions, but I guess that ancient history became something I am ashamed of, and probably force my brain to erase any memories related to it. 

Speaking of my crushes: D is pretty hopeless, don’t even know why he still keeps me as a contact, I’m debating every day why I think of him, and when I think of him, I just send him a message (with no reply of course, so it looks really bad) --but don’t think he cares.. and I don’t care that much at this point either. 

I am not particularly looking for a relationship, also because of the uncertainty, so I understand; but that’s just the reasonable me talking. 

If there has to be another person I like that can distract me (besides working or other stuff), I guess it will be the receptionist at the hair salon. I can’t really tell if she is just generally a super sweet person or something else. But it’s interesting that I actually think about her after my last visit (I guess at the beginning I was impressed when she remembered me after my first visit, and she was super nice every time I visited; maybe just nice to have something to expect every month--just talking with her for a few minutes makes me happy :)

Workout: have been following the schedule; 4 more days to go; have to get up early for a morning cardio class & pole at night -> will have a long day at work. (p.s. finally get to work with Phil, and turned out I don’t like working with him because he is kind of rude and nonresponsive; while my previous encounters with him, he is always nice and talkative, just super nice, this is just a total suprise)

Highlight of the day: just relaxed? -- wrote this summary!