bluntshavingrazor

[bluntshavingrazor]

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You! Have been visited by the gnome of executive function! Reblog to send them along to make sure they visit the next person in need!

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[bluntshavingrazor]

People don't realise this, but Elizabeth Tower (the clock tower that's at the north end of the Palace of Westminster) actually has prison cells within its structure. Most of them haven't been used in over a century though; the only one still in regular use is the belfry of the tower which holds Big Ben and keeps the noise of his incessant ringing from reaching the population outside. It's widely considered the most secure prison cell in the country, using symbols from all four nations of the UK, powered by both the Tudor dynasty and Queen Victoria herself, to hold Big Ben and stop him from ascending any further into the sky.

(It's often believed that Emmeline Pankhurst was the last human to be imprisoned within the tower, but this is an urban legend. She was never intentionally imprisoned there, she was only discovered there one morning after turning up inside it the day before. She was freed by the Serjeant at Arms, who apologised for the inconvenience.)

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I think Tumblr ate my post about how if I had the money, I'd convert a wall-to-ceiling cabinet into a military ration year long advent calendar

Since there are less than 365 recognised countries, the rest of it would have to be filled out with ancient rations, preferably some from states that no longer exist

I must know what the Austro-Hungarian Empire fed its men during the war

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Anyone who also browses the r/CuratedTumblr subreddit will know about their Self-Post Sunday feature, where you're allowed to post your own shitty opinions from your own tumblr. Well, I've also been posting my arbitrary video game reviews on there for the past few weeks (My shitty opinions are just as valid as anyone else's shitty opinions).

And, for the past few weeks, I've been getting some comments on my reviews that I have actually decided are valid.

First of all, u/LordSupergreat made the point that Grounded does have you kill small, waterbourne enemies to eat them, and that should count as a point towards having fishing. This was something I did consider at first but decided against counting since it's just underwater combat. But, on reflection, the game does limit what weapons you can use underwater, and spears are one of the things permitted. So there was a conscious decision involved that led to a rough idea of Spear Fishing, and Spear Fishing does count. Grounded now gets 1/5.

Apologies to u/arie700, but Half-Life's magnet crane does not.

u/weird_bomb posted their own list of reviews! I have not played any of these games so I cannot verify their scores fit with the loose criteria I use for my own scores.

I don't own Ripper (1996), the Tex Murphy series (1989 - 1998), or Gabriel Knight 2 (1995) on Steam, so they were not considered valid for this list. But to be honest I would probably have added them in that order (from worst to best) and they would have all gone somewhere between where Toonstruck and The Lonely Assassins are. If Noctropolis hadn't gotten extra points for Ms. Carlton's adorable snort-laugh in the outtake, it would be put lower than all three.

Tex Murphy was played by Chris Jones, who was also the lead designer. He hasn't done much acting beyond Tex Murphy, but apparently he was a singer in a short film called The Eternal Cave (2013)

Gabriel Knight was played by Dean Erickson for that one, before they went back to using Tim Curry as a voice actor instead. Jane Jensen didn't think Curry looked the part for the live-action role.

The Wofford brothers in Ripper, Hamilton and Covington, were both played by Burgess Meredith. They are not the lead characters by any stretch, but they're the only ones I can't give a 'went on to play-' thing for because this was Burgess Meredith's last role before his death. I have no solid evidence to suggest that being in Ripper is what killed him, so I'm forced to assume that it was.

I have added Blade Runner: Enhanced Edition to my wishlist. Not bought it yet, I just wanted to credit u/Ildaiaa.

And finally; yes, u/ThousandEclipse, this is peak.

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26/06/2025

Filming for the upcoming Saw VI (which, incidentally, came out in 2009) was delayed because the studio ran out of money. So much so that they left all the cast stranded on a tiny island surrounded by alligators because they'd been filming the movie there. They were hoping to get more money to rescue them until the female lead, who I'm pretty sure was Sydney Sweeney, revealed that she actually had experience with handling alligators and could safely wade across the water to get a nearby jet-ski. Turns out the tiny island was actually in the middle of a zoo habitat and the reptile handlers had left the jet-ski they use to feed the gators inside.

Then Sydney Sweeney spoiled the movie for everyone by revealing to the press that she was the villain of the movie all along, from the very first Saw. Nice going, jerk.

[bluntshavingrazor]

Following the post from here I decided to rewrite the scene where Ruby meets Conrad in the Bone Palace. It doesn't really make any sense for her to be so charitable to him in my rewrite, not that it made a whole lot of sense in the original. I'll warn y'all now though, I didn't change the ultimate fate of Conrad here. Partly because I'm trying to rewrite this one scene and not the whole episode, and partly because I don't think it was that bad in concept. It works as an ironic twist just fine, the main issue I had is with Ruby acting like it's an ironic twist when, girl, you are the one who did that.

Also, this would be interspersed between other scenes like it was originally, I've just merged them into one.

INT. CONRAD’S ROOM

RUBY appears in CONRAD’S room, though CONRAD is nowhere to be seen. She picks DESIDERIUM out of his cot and holds him.

CONRAD

Put the baby down.

The camera shifts to show CONRAD, pointing a gun at RUBY’S back.

CONRAD (CONT'D)

Did you think I wouldn’t be ready for you? Put him down.

RUBY turns to face CONRAD, still holding the baby.

RUBY

Or what?

CONRAD briefly looks down at his gun like he’s expecting it to have suddenly disappeared. Not an outrageous idea really, but not the case.

CONRAD

Or I shoot.

RUBY shrugs as much as she can while holding a baby.

RUBY

...OK? Go on then. Because either you shoot me now and take the baby back, or I put the baby down and go back to living in your little fantasy world. And honestly, Conrad? I think I’d rather die.

CONRAD looks shaken. He genuinely cannot comprehend that RUBY would reject his world, since he has no idea what things were actually like for her.

CONRAD

All I wanted was to make people happy. To do everything the Doctor said I should do, to keep them safe, and fed, and warm, and-

RUBY

(interrupting) No you didn’t.

CONRAD

What?

RUBY

You didn’t want people to be happy, you wanted people to be happy with what you wanted them to do. That’s not happiness, Conrad. It's brainwashing. Why do you think you were kept locked in here? If you saw what your perfect utopia was really like, then you’d-

CONRAD

(interrupting) Looks good to me. The air is clean, the sky is bright. People have jobs, they have a purpose in life. If I’m happy, why shouldn’t they be?

RUBY

Right. Because I look at you, right now, and all the time we spent together, and everything about you just exudes happiness.

CONRAD

(pause) You don't know me. When we were together, I was playing you. You don't know the real me at all.

RUBY

Actually, I think I finally do. I came here expecting to hate you but... now, now I almost feel sorry for you. You are a sad, pathetic little man, and I regret every moment I ever wasted having you in my life.

DESIDERIUM makes happy gurgling noises. RUBY smiles at him, ignoring CONRAD and his gun entirely, and gives the baby a casual kiss on the head.

RUBY

‘cause you were a baby once too, weren’t you? A sweet, innocent child like him. And then something happened. I don’t know what, I'm not sure I really care, but whatever it was it turned you into... this.

RUBY gives him an exhausted sigh, unknowingly fulfilling the second part of DESIDERIUM‘S wish ritual. How did anyone even know that's what you have to do, anyway?

RUBY

Goodbye, Conrad. I wish things had turned out better for you, I really do. For your sake as much as everyone else’s.

RUBY teleports out as CONRAD, whose arm must be aching by now, lowers his gun all the way before disappearing.

[bluntshavingrazor]

Once again a dating sim with a lot of extra steps-

[COMMISSIONS]

I did *not* expect Phantasmagoria 2, this fmv point and click from the 90s, to be 1) this good 2) an office romance and 3) this explicitly queer ?? Like I'm not kidding when I say this was one of the queerest games I've ever played- I knew that it featured the first bisexual protag in video game, but I thought this would be a quick mention or hidden thing, not an unavoidable central theme and major plot point ?? Color me surprised and impressed ! You may not have sex scenes with Trevor (one of your 3 love interests), but you *do* go on multiple dates with him, he is the character you interact with the most, he gets the most impactful scene of the game and you talk to your psychiatrist about your confused and repressed love for him. And also he is relentlessly gay, written with care and with an active sex life ?? Once again : game from 1996, was not expecting that ???? Also I have to say this game has such strong TMA vibes that I am convinced Jonathan Sims has played it, this many similarities can't be accidental fjfjfk

You don't need to play the first one, it's 5€ on steam (and always on sales so closer to 3€.... And I'm sure you can find it for free if you go looking), it's less than 10 hours long... Please play this game, you won't regret it :))

Played it while on vacation with @quijicroix and we are now both unwell fjkfkfkdkd

[bluntshavingrazor]

Spin this wheel first and then this wheel second to generate the title of a YA fantasy novel!

(If the second wheel lands on an option ending with a plus sign, spin it again)

Share what you got!

[bluntshavingrazor]

I put together a quick rewrite of the scene for what I mean. I kept a lot of the dialogue the same, just changed the context and stuff. Feel free to give criticism, but also free free to keep any criticism to yourself.

EXT. LONDON SQUARE - DAY

Various businessmen in businessman suits are walking around. One of the BONE BEASTS steps down on them all. Other than freezing in place until it’s gone, they don’t react at all. CONRAD is still on screen reading from the same book, so either he’s taking long breaks between chapters or that is one doorstopper of a novel I.M. Foreman has written. BELINDA walks around and stops people on the street to ask them about RUBY. 

BELINDA

Excuse me, have you seen a girl around here? Young looking, maybe early twenties? So tall, blonde hair? Dresses like a city girl. She must be around here somewhere. 

SHIRLEY

I don't suppose you could spare us a couple of quid, could you?

BELINDA walks right by SHIRLEY without acknowledging her, just as everyone else did. A moment later we see her hand drop money into SHIRLEY’S cup.

BELINDA

I don't suppose you've seen the girl I'm looking for?

SHIRLEY

She got a name?

BELINDA

A name? Oh, I suppose she must have. It was... R- ’R’ something? Started with an R? Short, one syllable. I’m thinking... red?

SHIRLEY

Ruby?

EXT. TENT TOWN -DAY

A collection of tents are in an underpass, placed in tight rows with just enough room for Shirley to lead Belinda in. People turn and look at the fancily dressed suburban housewife, but for the most part mind their own business. Ruby is with a group of people, many of whom are visibly disabled in some way.

BELINDA

(looking around) I swear I've never seen this place before.

RUBY

Yes, you have. You walk past it every day. And you ignore us.

BELINDA

You came to our house this morning. You said you knew John.

RUBY

I can explain everything, I promise. You just have to be willing to listen.

The Tent Town residents gather in a larger tent, which is like a community hub for them all. Ruby and Belinda sit in the centre of a circle to chat while the others look on and listen. Despite everything else being a patchwork collection of odds and ends, they’re all drinking tea out of the exact same model of orange mug that is endemic to Conrad’s world.

RUBY (CONT’D)

This is how we live. The disabled, the dispossessed, the ones who don't fit in.

BELINDA

You're different from the others. Pardon me if I don't frisk you, but you seem very non-disabled to me.

RUBY

Well, I could be taller.

A faint chuckle goes around the circle. Even Belinda joins in, politely. 

RUBY (CONT’D)

But, yeah. I was abandoned. My mother left me on a doorstep, no one to look after me. No place for a single teenage mother in this world.

BELINDA

Oh, I'm... sorry?

BELINDA puts her mug down on a small table beside her chair.

RUBY

But that's the thing, I remember having a mum. A good mum, a great one. [ED: Oh yeah, I'm not having Carla horrible for a third time] And I remember my other mum, the one who left me. I tracked her down, we reconnected. Now I can’t find her. There are no teenage mums in the world, so how can I have been left to end up here?

BELINDA’S mug falls and breaks.

SHIRLEY

Get her another one, Pete.

RUBY

You keep having doubts about the world, don't you?

BELINDA

I just want to know what's going on. You came to our house and said you knew John, kept calling him a doctor.

RUBY

Not 'a' doctor. 'The' Doctor. 

RUBY gestures to CONRAD’S story time show, still going strong.

BELINDA

...You think my husband John is a character in a Conrad Clark's book?

RUBY

I know he is. I know a lot about him.

BELINDA

You don't know him, he's never met you.

RUBY

He has though, a lifetime ago. Me and him, we used to travel together. I don't remember all the details, it's like... a glimpse in the corner of my eye, like I can remember something, then... it's gone.

BRIAN

A glimpse of a better world.

One of the residents begins to sign something, so people wait for her to finish and for her words to be translated by her friend.

WINNIE

Val says we're all lucky. We live outside the world, so we can see it better. We can see when things don't make sense.

SHIRLEY

Like, here we are, we haven't got a penny. But I've got this wheelchair. State of the art. And God knows, with my spina bifida, I need medicine, and I've got nothing, but I'm okay.

RUBY

Somehow, it all comes down to the Doctor. To your John. John Smith, and Conrad Clark.

BELINDA

Well I'm sorry for your... situation, but this all sounds completely unbelievable. When you came to the house this morning I thought maybe you had your reasons. But whoever you think my John is, he's not a doctor, he never travels, and he's definitely not some character in a children's book.

RUBY

(pause) What is he like then, your John?

BELINDA

What? Well, he... he's great. A great husband, a great father. Good at his job, very hard working. Never questions how things are, just keeps his head down and gets on.

RUBY

Does he remember your anniversary?

BELINDA

Hah! Oh, OK, no. He's terrible at anniversaries. But that's a wife's job to remember all that, isn't it? He's got much more important things to do like- like working, and-

RUBY

(interrupting) So when is it?

BELINDA looks confused. She doesn’t even understand the question at first.

RUBY (CONT’D)

Your anniversary, if it's a wife's job to remember? When did you get married? How long ago? Did you get married in a church or did you go for a more Hindu inspired thing?

BELINDA

What, what are you- I don't... I don't remember?

RUBY

Belinda, I'm sorry. This is going to be hard to hear. But there is a reason you don’t remember your wedding. You and John never had a wedding. You never got married. There is no John Smith!

Everybody's cup falls and smashes. People start tidying up, but they don't bother replacing them now. BELINDA begins to point a finger at RUBY.

BELINDA

No, no, because, hah, because you said it yourself! If John isn't real and I don't have a husband, then how can I have Poppy, hmm? How can I have a daughter?

RUBY

...you don't have a daughter. I don't know where Poppy came from, but she's not your daughter.

BELINDA

Don't you dare, don't you dare say that! I know my own child, I know that... I shouldn't have come here, I never should have...

BELINDA stands up in a hurry, knocking her chair over. Ruby stands too, more carefully.

RUBY

Belinda, calm down-

BELINDA

No! No, you are not dragging me into your sick little fantasy about fake Doctors and missing mothers and evil robots-

SHIRLEY

Evil robots?

RUBY

See, you remember, don't you? Something from the other world, the world that is supposed to be-

BELINDA

Get away from me! I know what is supposed to be, I am supposed to be at home, with my husband and my daughter, my very real daughter, and you (she gestures around to the whole camp as she backs away) You should all be taken away.

No one gets in her way as she runs from the circle and out of the underpass. RUBY sighs, while SHIRLEY gives her a comforting pat on the back. They didn't get through to her this time.

[After that, the episode continues as normal. Yes, there are a lot of things I would have changed about scenes before and after this part of the episode, but if I started on that then I'd be here all day. Maybe later.]

I still think the Wish World/The Reality War story is too messed up to be salvageable with any easy solution, but something that would, IMO, go a long way to fixing it without rewriting the whole episode? Belinda should have been Ruby, Ruby should have been Shirley and Shirley should have... well, also been Shirley but less so.

After Belinda has her screaming session, she goes out in search of the weird girl who turned up at their house that morning. Ruby brings her to the disabled camp, where she's been living ever since her mother kicked her out (and, yes, I'm also not too happy about Carla constantly being horrible in every alternate timeline but I'm trying to give the smallest change for the biggest improvement) and tries to get her to see that Conrad is a horrible person. Shirley is also there.

Then, since the scene where Belinda snitches on John is a different section of the episode and I'm trying to not rewrite the whole episode here, Wish-Belinda is not convinced by their insistence that Conrad is awful and Poppy isn't real, and instead leaves the camp angry. No, I don't think real world Belinda would have done that for a second, but Wish World-Belinda would have. Belinda in either reality was defined largely by just wanting to go home and being pulled into these adventures more or less against her will, so getting her to disrupt her comfortable life on the word of some insane sounding disabled heretics is a big ask.

This gives Belinda something to do in this episode, means the disabled resistance plot doesn't go absolutely nowhere, and still ties in to Belinda's character arc if you kind of squint and don't look too closely.

[bluntshavingrazor]

Big things are happening in the world of fishing and/or trains related gaming...

[bluntshavingrazor]

I taught myself how to cry on command because an album I got for my birthday had a really sad song on it and I felt like if I wasn't crying when it came on then I wasn't giving it the right respect.

album pairings need to be a thing like ah yes i see youve elected to put on bone machine by tom waita. might i recommend a couple of shots of clear liquor and lying down in a dark room? ah youre playing in utero by nirvana. for that one we recommend our customers blast it out loud with no headphones and dance around their house while nobody else is home

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17/06/2025

A retelling of Moby Dick mixed with Final Destination. They actually caught and killed the white whale (which was a vivid blue for some reason) early on, the it was a montage of how the various experiences, combined with physical injuries and an implied curse from Moby Dick himself, led to them all dying. Only two I recall are a sailor played by Evan Peters who ran from the hospital to escape the curse then got his scarf caught in the doors of a subway train, and Queequeg who set his dishcloths on fire, tried to put it out by shooting it with a gun, then hid in a cupboard until he suffocated.

Queequeg was also keeping Moby Dick's severed head in a water cooler somehow

[bluntshavingrazor]

The Ordinal numerals in English (first, second, third, etc.) have unique endings for the first three numbers assuming we're starting from 1.

1st

2nd

3rd

4th

5th

And so on. 1, 2 and 3 have their own endings, while 4 onwards only have '-th'. This is fine, we can't expect to have unique endings for all the numbers to infinity so it has to end somewhere (though I guess you could also have unique endings for the numbers up to 9 and then repeat).

The problem is that zero, 0, the big nothing, also uses the '-th' ending. The endings go 'th', 'st', 'nd', 'rd', 'th', 'th', 'th', and so on. I hereby propose that instead of 'zeroth' as the ordinal representing zero, we give it a unique (to numbers) ending and call it 0n't. Zeron't. The apostrophe can be dropped to make it easier.

[bluntshavingrazor]

Oh, I shouldn't have opened this post on my phone. Now I have the 13th Doctor trying to help me, and she is canonically terrible at that.

[bluntshavingrazor]

15/06/2025

I decided to buy Oblivion: Remastered after all, only to find that they'd released a free Demo mode that had an incredibly cut-down version of the main quest. I downloaded that instead; after delivering Martin to Cloud Ruler Temple and infiltrating the Mythic Dawn, instead of going on various fetch quests to recover items for Martin's portal to Paradise you instead went into a single Oblivion gate and got the Staff of Mehrunesdagon (all one word for some reason), to give to High Chancellor Ocato. Ocato would then reveal, in a shocking twist, that he was the bad guy all along and you had to fight him, armed with the staff which allowed him to summon a tiny, man-sized version of Dagon into the world, along with an endless series of wild boar.

After defeating him, which was a very easy battle, Baurus would congratulate you and tell you that if you enjoyed this demo then you should buy the full game. You then had a series of dialogue options that would all lead to different ending cutscenes, but you could only pick one: attempting to reload a save to see the others had Baurus berate you for cheating. Then he suggested that there was an even more secret 'Lusty Argonian Maid' ending.

[bluntshavingrazor]

I'm really glad you love your girlfriend James but I think there are more concerning and frankly more important things happening right now

[bluntshavingrazor]

I still think the Wish World/The Reality War story is too messed up to be salvageable with any easy solution, but something that would, IMO, go a long way to fixing it without rewriting the whole episode? Belinda should have been Ruby, Ruby should have been Shirley and Shirley should have... well, also been Shirley but less so.

After Belinda has her screaming session, she goes out in search of the weird girl who turned up at their house that morning. Ruby brings her to the disabled camp, where she's been living ever since her mother kicked her out (and, yes, I'm also not too happy about Carla constantly being horrible in every alternate timeline but I'm trying to give the smallest change for the biggest improvement) and tries to get her to see that Conrad is a horrible person. Shirley is also there.

Then, since the scene where Belinda snitches on John is a different section of the episode and I'm trying to not rewrite the whole episode here, Wish-Belinda is not convinced by their insistence that Conrad is awful and Poppy isn't real, and instead leaves the camp angry. No, I don't think real world Belinda would have done that for a second, but Wish World-Belinda would have. Belinda in either reality was defined largely by just wanting to go home and being pulled into these adventures more or less against her will, so getting her to disrupt her comfortable life on the word of some insane sounding disabled heretics is a big ask.

This gives Belinda something to do in this episode, means the disabled resistance plot doesn't go absolutely nowhere, and still ties in to Belinda's character arc if you kind of squint and don't look too closely.