bluntshavingrazor

[bluntshavingrazor]

07/11/2024

My Dad somehow inherited five wooden boats, four of which were home to several dozen crows perched on the cabin rafters. These ships could fly, but only if you had a choir of people on board dramatically singing the song "There Were Three Crows" (a.k.a. Billy Magee Magar).

You might notice I'm posting this a few days later than I actually had the dream; that's because I intended to post it the day after, then decided to link a recording of the song in case people didn't know it, but couldn't find a version that was both dramatic enough and in English. So if you're not familiar with Billy Magee Magar you can find it here. Just translate it into English, or whatever language you speak.

The fifth coat couldn't fly because it had an elephant in it. We tried to rewrite the song to be about elephants but it wasn't working.

[bluntshavingrazor]

if you're feeling powerless right now—and god knows I am—here's a reminder you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Trans Law Center, Gaza Soup Kitchen, the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and hundreds of other charities that will work to mitigate the damage that has been and will continue to be inflicted

life continues. we still have the capacity to do good, important work. that matters

[bluntshavingrazor]

[bluntshavingrazor]

Happy Hallowe'en Everybody

[bluntshavingrazor]

30/10/2024

The group of Travellers who live on the site near my house (In real life, not just a dream thing) decided to hold a large block party to get on better terms with the non-traveller residents. However, while most people enjoyed the celebrations and the homemade stew they were serving, many of the locals decided to sit in the middle of the block as a form of protest. Then some of the Travellers did the same thing, and the two sides formed an alliance.

The stew was OK, but I had to eat around the chunks of corned beef.

[bluntshavingrazor]

22/10/2024

I was in prison with most of my friends, and to pass the time we had the option of either breaking up large lumps of coal into smaller lumps of coal, or going outside and watching the Fantastic Four movie from 2005, the one with Ioan Gruffudd and Jessica Alba. I decided to break up lumps of coal.

Then we all went to my old university canteen, but the only vegetarian thing they had on the menu was vegetarian chili. I wasn't in a chili mood, though I was tempted to get one of the non-vegetarian chili dogs and ask them to put veggie chili on instead. Then one of my friends told me she had cancer and we all cried about that.

[bluntshavingrazor]

08/10/2024

I went out for a walk and ended up walking into a surrealist art piece/escape room thing, where I had to explore several strange rooms within a house and solve the puzzle to get out (or just tell the hosts I really wanted to leave, which they specifically said would get them to let me out). Examples included a combined bathroom/kitchen room, a bedroom you couldn't get into because the door only opened a slight way, a master bedroom that had a TV showing some old movie about a man who believed all his friends and family had been replaced by imposters (played by William Hartnell, too. The man, not the other people), and a third bedroom where it was constantly raining in the window outside.

Anyway, the solution was to find a glove puppet of a chicken and put it in the box of toy turkeys. It didn't make any sense and the reviews for the house online were all disappointed.

[bluntshavingrazor]

26/09/2024

I was going on a long walk through a seemingly never ending university campus. Occasionally I would stop at a farmers market to buy food to keep on walking. The currency was dried beans.

Eventually I came to another market where the currency was peas instead of beans. When I asked the exchange rate between peas and beans, everyone was vague and evasive which led me to suspect they were actually fairies. I had already taken one of the dried peas, but I argued that since they just put it into my hand then it shouldn't count as me 'taking' it.

[bluntshavingrazor]

15/09/2024

Kim Jong Un barged into my house with another chubby North Korean guy and insisted that I help him launch the other man's career as the first internationally successful North Korean KPop star. I tried to tell him that I 1) know nothing about launching a music career, 2) am not really into KPop anyway, and 3) don't really want to help him on account of the fact he is Kim Jong Un, but he refused to leave until I did.

[bluntshavingrazor]

Just found out that they'd planned a movie reboot of Manimal but it looks like it was cancelled when the creator died in 2014.

[bluntshavingrazor]

10/09/2024

Me and two of my friends ended up travelling to the end of the universe. We had a way back to the present but it was one-way, so he had to pack everything we could to try and get it back with us. The biggest issue was working out which drinks everyone should have as we watched the final protons degrade. We had Coca Cola, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Lilt, and cider, but while two of us were having cider, the third doesn't drink so I needed to work out which drink he wanted to have without spoiling the surprise that we were doing that in the first place.

We also discovered that there was a small group of humans elsewhere in the universe, but that turned out to be a holodeck simulation.

[bluntshavingrazor]

02/09/2024

I started a new job as the Reading-People's-Diary Fairy, an entity similar to the Tooth Fairy, but I would be randomly teleported into a person's house and have to read their diary so I could find out what troubles they were going through and use my powers to help (my powers were levitation and turning invisible).

My first assignment was a young woman named Rosaline, who was celebrating her birthday that day. According to her diary, she wanted to make sure she was popular with people for reasons other than the fact she was physically attractive. To convince her that she was, I wrote a song entitled 'Rosaline' that was largely about how she was very pretty.

Yeah, even in the context of the dream this didn't make a whole lot of sense. We won the Eurovision with it though, so fuck it.

[bluntshavingrazor]

Imagine if elephants had actual fingers on the ends of their trunks. Just like a whole hand they could ball into a fist. Imagine getting absolutely decked by an elephant. Incredible.

[bluntshavingrazor]

23/08/2024

One of my friends bought the main building of our old secondary school and planned to turn each classroom into a small flat/bedsit. He offered me one of the rooms to live in, free of charge, so I chose a fairly small one at the end of the corridor, because it reminded me of the empty university dorm that I used to sneak into and sleep in when I was tired at university and didn't want to walk back to my actual room. (For the record, this was not a thing that actually happened in reality.)

[bluntshavingrazor]

15/08/2024

I was a bit ill yesterday so I had a nap in the afternoon. I dreamed that me and my sister were in the car with our Dad, and he wanted to show us a nice hotel that he stayed at once. However, when he pulled into the car park it turned out to be the car park of the hotel next to that one, and he crashed into the door. We drove around for a while to find the entrance to the right Hotel car park, until we found a random street preacher on... well, on the street, who claimed to know how to get there. Dad let him drive the car, but my sister wisely decided not to stay in it with a random stranger driving. Especially not one who thought the end was nigh.

It turned out the end was nigh, as I woke up after that (+1 to the preacher, I guess). At least I thought I had, because I actually got out of bed to go to the toilet, my dad called me outside and when I went off the path to the bathroom I woke up.

I went to the toilet again, except this time I saw my Mum carrying a folding chair. I asked her if I was actually awake this time and she said I was, and then hit me with the chair.

After being rudely awakened, I got up to use the toilet again and went downstairs, where the toilet is. I saw my Mum again, curled up on the settee, and I asked her if I was actually awake this time. She told me I was, but also kept calling me Lindsey (not my name).

After waking up again, I went downstairs, saw my Mum on the settee and asked if I was genuinely awake this time. She ignored me and continued counting her collection of buttons, which I took as a yes.

[bluntshavingrazor]

08/08/2024

I was in my local supermarket, except it had twice as many aisles as usual so it was all really packed. I wanted to eat a new pork pie but I didn't want to pay for it because I knew it would give me stomach pains (can't eat meat) and while I was OK with getting stomach pains for the delicious taste of a Harissa spiced pork pie, I drew the line at paying money for the experience. I then hit on a genius solution; I would open the pie in the supermarket, eat it there while hiding from the staff, and avoid paying by simply waking up.

Anyway, that's the story of why I woke up in the middle of the night last night.

[bluntshavingrazor]

05/08/2024

Patients in hospitals up and down the country were being sent anonymous bunches of flowers, some of which contained a plush doll of a sad looking Garfield. It then became a belief that if you got one of the Garfield bunches, it meant you were going to die.