bluntshavingrazor

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The Eurovision Song Contest should be like the Olympics; multiple competitions over a week or so, performing in lots of different genres. Maybe you'll win with the bubblegum pop song you wanted to perform, but Finland are gonna absolutely dominate in the Metal categories.

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08/12/24

I went shopping at the local shopping centre, and bought a bag of bees. When I got back to my car however, I discovered that they had given me a bag of ground bees instead of the whole bees that I needed. I decided to keep the ground bees to put in my compost bin, mostly because it's very difficult to return ground bees, but went back to get a bag of whole bees as well.

No, I don't know why I'm having dreams about bees lately.

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07/12/2024

Wow, exactly a month since my last post. I haven't been having many dreams that I really remembered when I woke up, but I guess last night I finally got a decent nights' sleep. Possibly because of my hot water bottle.

Anyway, my Mum joined a gardening group and ended up getting interrogated by the police about the disappearances of the other members. We found a giant beehive in our garden that had their unconscious bodies in, because they had all gotten injured in various ways and the bees had decided to cocoon them in crystallised honey to protect them.

Then I went to my sister's flat because the corner store below it had opened up a juice cocktail bar. I got a tropical juice, while she got 'The Usual'. I never found out what that was, but it was served in a WWII army canteen.

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07/11/2024

My Dad somehow inherited five wooden boats, four of which were home to several dozen crows perched on the cabin rafters. These ships could fly, but only if you had a choir of people on board dramatically singing the song "There Were Three Crows" (a.k.a. Billy Magee Magar).

You might notice I'm posting this a few days later than I actually had the dream; that's because I intended to post it the day after, then decided to link a recording of the song in case people didn't know it, but couldn't find a version that was both dramatic enough and in English. So if you're not familiar with Billy Magee Magar you can find it here. Just translate it into English, or whatever language you speak.

The fifth coat couldn't fly because it had an elephant in it. We tried to rewrite the song to be about elephants but it wasn't working.

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if you're feeling powerless right now—and god knows I am—here's a reminder you can donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, the Trans Law Center, Gaza Soup Kitchen, the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, and hundreds of other charities that will work to mitigate the damage that has been and will continue to be inflicted

life continues. we still have the capacity to do good, important work. that matters

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Happy Hallowe'en Everybody

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30/10/2024

The group of Travellers who live on the site near my house (In real life, not just a dream thing) decided to hold a large block party to get on better terms with the non-traveller residents. However, while most people enjoyed the celebrations and the homemade stew they were serving, many of the locals decided to sit in the middle of the block as a form of protest. Then some of the Travellers did the same thing, and the two sides formed an alliance.

The stew was OK, but I had to eat around the chunks of corned beef.

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22/10/2024

I was in prison with most of my friends, and to pass the time we had the option of either breaking up large lumps of coal into smaller lumps of coal, or going outside and watching the Fantastic Four movie from 2005, the one with Ioan Gruffudd and Jessica Alba. I decided to break up lumps of coal.

Then we all went to my old university canteen, but the only vegetarian thing they had on the menu was vegetarian chili. I wasn't in a chili mood, though I was tempted to get one of the non-vegetarian chili dogs and ask them to put veggie chili on instead. Then one of my friends told me she had cancer and we all cried about that.

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08/10/2024

I went out for a walk and ended up walking into a surrealist art piece/escape room thing, where I had to explore several strange rooms within a house and solve the puzzle to get out (or just tell the hosts I really wanted to leave, which they specifically said would get them to let me out). Examples included a combined bathroom/kitchen room, a bedroom you couldn't get into because the door only opened a slight way, a master bedroom that had a TV showing some old movie about a man who believed all his friends and family had been replaced by imposters (played by William Hartnell, too. The man, not the other people), and a third bedroom where it was constantly raining in the window outside.

Anyway, the solution was to find a glove puppet of a chicken and put it in the box of toy turkeys. It didn't make any sense and the reviews for the house online were all disappointed.

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26/09/2024

I was going on a long walk through a seemingly never ending university campus. Occasionally I would stop at a farmers market to buy food to keep on walking. The currency was dried beans.

Eventually I came to another market where the currency was peas instead of beans. When I asked the exchange rate between peas and beans, everyone was vague and evasive which led me to suspect they were actually fairies. I had already taken one of the dried peas, but I argued that since they just put it into my hand then it shouldn't count as me 'taking' it.

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15/09/2024

Kim Jong Un barged into my house with another chubby North Korean guy and insisted that I help him launch the other man's career as the first internationally successful North Korean KPop star. I tried to tell him that I 1) know nothing about launching a music career, 2) am not really into KPop anyway, and 3) don't really want to help him on account of the fact he is Kim Jong Un, but he refused to leave until I did.

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Just found out that they'd planned a movie reboot of Manimal but it looks like it was cancelled when the creator died in 2014.

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10/09/2024

Me and two of my friends ended up travelling to the end of the universe. We had a way back to the present but it was one-way, so he had to pack everything we could to try and get it back with us. The biggest issue was working out which drinks everyone should have as we watched the final protons degrade. We had Coca Cola, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Lilt, and cider, but while two of us were having cider, the third doesn't drink so I needed to work out which drink he wanted to have without spoiling the surprise that we were doing that in the first place.

We also discovered that there was a small group of humans elsewhere in the universe, but that turned out to be a holodeck simulation.

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02/09/2024

I started a new job as the Reading-People's-Diary Fairy, an entity similar to the Tooth Fairy, but I would be randomly teleported into a person's house and have to read their diary so I could find out what troubles they were going through and use my powers to help (my powers were levitation and turning invisible).

My first assignment was a young woman named Rosaline, who was celebrating her birthday that day. According to her diary, she wanted to make sure she was popular with people for reasons other than the fact she was physically attractive. To convince her that she was, I wrote a song entitled 'Rosaline' that was largely about how she was very pretty.

Yeah, even in the context of the dream this didn't make a whole lot of sense. We won the Eurovision with it though, so fuck it.

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Imagine if elephants had actual fingers on the ends of their trunks. Just like a whole hand they could ball into a fist. Imagine getting absolutely decked by an elephant. Incredible.

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23/08/2024

One of my friends bought the main building of our old secondary school and planned to turn each classroom into a small flat/bedsit. He offered me one of the rooms to live in, free of charge, so I chose a fairly small one at the end of the corridor, because it reminded me of the empty university dorm that I used to sneak into and sleep in when I was tired at university and didn't want to walk back to my actual room. (For the record, this was not a thing that actually happened in reality.)