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I met an older woman yesterday.

she asked why life has to be that complicated.

And at 25, i don't know why.

And now i know no one does.

I thought about you.

But i know love wasn't enough for you.

And it is not enough for me.

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Every day.

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Some people don't see how much you do for them. they only see what you don't do. you'll never satisfy an ungrateful person.

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It's scary how much love blinds you.

And even more terrifying when it fades, and you start seeing all that you were blind to.

How disgusted you feel to situations that were once sweet. How much you let happen to you.

And you realise love is not noble it's not whimsical.

Love is dangerous.

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You let things pass you by.

You let your fear cost you.

You let your anxiety win and cost you your life, your happiness.

And it's not worth it.

It's never worth it.

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How do i know we're not good together?

Because i am dreamy and you're an asshole

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How bad do you have to be to make the person who loves you think they have no other choice but to break their own heart and leave.

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Are you done enjoying my pain.

How many times do i have to suffer

How many times will you break my heart

Until you feel like maybe that's enough

Maybe i don't deserve this

Who tortures a person they love?

Who loves a person and doesn't feel the urge to protect them with every fiber of their being?

To hold them inside your heart

Let nothing touch them

Let no tears find them

Let them rest

Let them breathe

Or let them go find love in a place that does not build their safety on pain.

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I have more sadness than i can bear.

It constricts my lungs.

I feel it every time i breathe.

It's my throat.

I feel it every time i swallow.

It's in my eyes.

It's in my hands.

I have more sadness than i can bear.

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“You will search for me in another person, I promise.”

— Unknown

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I wish you'd disappear.

Forever.

That's how bad you hurt me.

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Too many thoughts for one brain, too many anxieties for one heart.

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“Never forget, pain is just a temporary guest. You must never let it make a home out of you.”

— f.e. marie

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“How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they’re going to be in your life.”

— S. Z.

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“The relevant question in psychiatry shouldn’t be what’s wrong with you, but what happened to you.”

— Eleanor Longden