bisonmats

[bisonmats]

Bart at Bison Mats wishes everyone a happy and safe 4th of July! Remember to do your patriotic duty and check out our 'Murica collection. Save 15% on all patriotic doormats using the code 'MURICA1776'! July 4th is the last day to use this code!

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The wise man Homer Simpson once said: "the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time”. Exactly your point? Tired of hearing about politics? Here is how to tell everyone you hate conservatives and you really fucking hate liberals (aka you do not care anymore): 

Tell them to do more, and talk less

For sure you have those friends that say that off they go if that douchebag is re-elected. Tired of their threats of living our lovely country? Wish them well with this Hasta la vista doormat. 

Make them reflect about the essence of life

Fed up with all those vocal people on social media? Post some kitten photos there, and then show at your door what you care about:

Chilling out with friends and smoke weed everyday.

Loving the friends that show respect with beer.

Making bacon, when friends do not disturb.

Shoosh them from your porch

Leave a note next to your doorbell “Here for politics?”, and complement the message with Stay the fuck out doormat.

State clearly that Trumps are not allowed, and make them choose to wipe (or not) their shoes on Trump's face.

Show them the Don't tread on me, if they dare to put their feet down on you with their political opinions.

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We hope you are not here for tips on how to impress your guests with the perfect summer BBQ party. If you want to read about steaks and decorations, go somewhere else. Here we talk about Bison style summer parties: Disgust your familyWhy not? Check their faces after they read your doormat!

Show them your expectations and try the fart noise doormat: what else would they expect after all that food and drinks?

Families are not perfect, but shitty. Invite them in with the welcome to the shit show doormat, and ask them to sing along with you: “shiiiit show, shiiit show”.

Pick a non-themeCountry style? Twine & twigs? Games? Not your style. You want to eat well, chill out and enjoy conversations.

If guests did not read your invitation, make clear the chill-out message at the door: we hope you brought weed.

Use go fuck yourself doormat. That’s what they will get, if they change the relaxing atmosphere with “fun activities”.

Forbid tiring conversationsShow your guests you had enough of those serious topics that everyone talks about.

Let your doormat to warn them: democraps and republicants or Trumps are not allowed.

Religion is forbidden too. And fuck taxes!

For those that don’t take you seriously, show where you will invite them to sit:

Guest pillow.

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Does your doormat match the drapes? If the question did not get you all blushed, you’ve passed our test. You are a sex positive person. Straight or gay, you love sex! Let’s showed it to the world!

Show that you make sex often

When the friends ring the doorbell, make them aware that you could be in the middle of some hot sex:

Welcome them with Making Bacon or Whore Island doormat.

Or if they want to join the moment: Are you here for the gangbang?

Show what you like in bed (or in other sex places)

Are you the more romantic type? Get the Love Shack doormat. Your home, their home - the place where you can get together. For sex, of course!

More focus on who’s on top? Order your customized doormat with “A skilled power bottom” message.

Show that you love sex talk too

“When you’ll see me, you’ll get all wet”. It is a long message to put on a Bison doormat, but we can make it for you. Try us!

Show him your brand new "Push to enter (that's what she said)" doormat, and ask your date to come in. If you do not like him, no worries. You can always tell you meant pushing the doorbell (idiot!).

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Bison Mats is a judgment free zone, when it comes about sex and your secret kinks, or your kinky friends. Whatever makes you happy, put it on your doormat!  

Got a friend that is a little kinky?

Show you care and get him/her a Bison Mat, with a big heart in the middle and followed by "vagina" or "penis", or with this simple word: "Boobs". That for sure will prove you listen to your friend’s stories, all of them! Or show you share his/her passion for sex, and get this "Finger fuck" gift! This is how you strengthen a friendship!

You have a crush on someone (meaning naughty dreams)?

Why on earth you think you need to wait for the next Valentine’s day to tell her/him how you feel? Here is what to do now, like today:

Skip the date-out;

Invite for dinner at your place;

Put this Bison doormat on your porch: "You are too sexy for this house" or "I love you with all my heart and genitals". Ok, maybe the second one is too soon. Next date will do it!

Message sent, and you know what to do after dinner, on the kitchen table (we hope, for your own sake!).

[bisonmats]

You are such a whiner! Stop complaining about your annoying neighbors! Fight back, and be an annoying neighbor yourself. Here is how to put people in their place:  

Send bold gifts

Do you have nosy neighbors? Tell them to get a life and send them a

Fuck off mix

as a gift. You are thinking now of a reason to send them a gift? You are so sweet (stop!). Just send that doormat message today!  

Set up malefic plans

Your uptight neighbors go around and ask you and other neighbors to “keep it down”? Watch your television as loudly as possible, and when they come at your door (choose the correct answer, and do not disappoint us!):

Deliver fake apologies.

Tell them you are deaf in one ear, and make them feel bad.

Let them read, in silence, your doormat: "Here for the gangbang?"

Show them pragmatism

Hating already your neighbors that always have a plan to improve something in your community and make angels of us all? Next time, they knock at your door with a plan to make your community great again, have this doormat ready:

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth"

.  

What if your neighbors do not crack? You are not trying hard enough. Keep Bison them!

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If you want funny, naughty, bold messages on your doormats, you know what you have to do: buy a Bison mat. Now, let’s focus on things that matter - how could you be as edgy as our doormats?Take your life by the (bison) horns

Stay on the cutting edge of life, try constantly new things.

Try new people too (evil laugh).

Twist the new life stories with your dry sense of humor and put them at your door!

Our doormats share already plenty of wisdom! Challenge them!

Make strong statements

Ditch small talk with your guests, go straight to the conversations that matter, starting at your door.

Sick of politics or political gurus? Use the mats that make people leave the politics at the front door.

Sundays mean football and nothing else? Make it clear on your doormat and ask friends bring beer.

Your dog is your “everything”? Let your doormat bark for you - “dogs preferred”.

Be part of the avant-garde

Uptight boss at work? Poor you. At home, do as you please!

Buy our mats because you like them.

We saw your smile when you searched for naughty doormats. Go for them!

Simple rule: do you like an edgy Bison mat? Taste its freedom!

Final instruction: do not use our doormats when mom visits you! Unless she's into that kind of thing.

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How should we know? They are your friends who move to a new place, not ours. But if you are here, you want the Bison doormats. Doormats make great housewarming gifts:

1. Every time your friends enter their home, they find you on the porch. We mean the doormats gifts. You’ll be always on their mind (use your evil laugh here).

2. Help your friends to express visiting expectations with jokes: “I hope you told us you are coming over”. Your name shall be spoken again - you’ll be blamed for the message.

3. Your friends can check who’s “republicant” and who’s “democrap”, or who has any sense of humor or not at all, right there at the door.

Here are 8 best doormats for your friends. You see, we help you! And yes, all are needed - your friends will use them based on mood or expected guests (use your evil laugh again):

1. Turn around unless you brought beer

2. You again?

3. Democrap or Republicant?

4. Ring doorbell and run

5. Beware of dog. Cat is not trustworthy either.

6. Hell inside!

7. It’s football season, do not disturb for any reason!

8. Do you really-really want your friends’ last name on the doormat? Can we say NO to you? Try us!

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Never mistreat your doormat, especially if it is a Bison Mats piece. Never leave it alone on the porch, bring some companions that match its value. You accept  “thank you” emails for these ideas on how to keep your doormat and porch happy:

1. An inspired sign, next to your door. You could choose a message that replies to the one you have on the doormat. Do you have a “welcome” doormat? Get a “...only if you bring beer“ sign. Or, use the sign to put down your porch rules!

2. Flowers make people and your doormat happy. So, get a door wreath or potted plants, in bright colors!

3. An outdoor area rug. Everyone will know this is the spot to kick off shoes and recharge. The rug makes the doormat feels comfy as well.

4. Outdoor cushions in various colors, shapes and sizes. They add an extra layer of soft comfort or craziness, if you get the printed ones, with fun themes or messages.

5. Colorful ceramic animals, such as elephants, fish, owls, etc. Your dog will love them!

6. Recycled glass bottles or jars with candles for cozy lighting. Bring some warm light on the porch and make the doormat shine!

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Do you have a funny idea for a doormat? Are you secretly a comedian in hiding? Well, now is your time to shine! Want to see one of your jokes on someone’s doorstep (Maybe yours?) Send us your idea here:bart@bisonmats.com

.What’s in it for you?

-We promise we will laugh, regardless of your idea. But please, try to make it funny, fake laughter isn’t as fun.

-If we like your idea, we’ll give you naming credit on the site. Just imagine how your name will shine next to your funny doormat. You’ll earn bragging rights so you can show all your friends.

-We’ll send you the mat for free (within the US only). Yes, that means a free mat, with your idea on it, at your door.

-You will have a new story to tell to your children and grandchildren: “When I was your age, I sent my idea to Bison Mats. That changed my life completely.“

Already have an idea? Send it now before you forget! 

(Oh, and in case you missed the email link above-bart@bisonmats.com)

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Big fan of The Simpsons? No? Get your Simpsons style doormat, to become one!

Such a wise man Homer Simpson was. Can you recognize the following episode? If not, ask a Simpsons fanatic who definitely knows the episode: Homer to Marge: “At least I’m out there trying new things! If it were up to you, all we’d ever do is work and go to church!”Marge: “That’s not true!”Homer: “Name one thing you’ve done in the past month that was fun!” Marge: “I can name ten things! Uh…I made sloppy Joe’s!”

Homer or Marge? Get your funny moment of the month now! You could bring home a free trampoline from a crazy clown (that’s the hint for the episode!) or you could order a Bison mat, worthy of Springfield’s finest. Yes, we do it! You can get a doormat with your last name written down in funny yellow letters, with the Springfield’s clouds as background. Want your Simpsons personalized doormat? Check out what you have to do here! To continue the Simpsons advice serie:Lisa to Bart Simpson: ”This is your chance to develop a new and better identity. May I suggest… Good-natured doormat?” May we suggest a Simpsons doormat for a new identity? We don’t want you to be a doormat, but to get a Bison doormat. Read about the difference between a doormat and a doormat here.

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Looking for a delightful gift for a grandparent? A doormat for a grandparent is a great way to show that you thought of something other than a mug this year.

Other things your grandparents might like:

Bob Ross Chia Pet

New Teeth

Better Grandchildren

[bisonmats]

The word doormat means:

A mat placed in a doorway, on which people can wipe their shoes on entering the building.

That's the traditional definition of the word doormat.  However, another commonly used definition is:

A submissive person who allows other to dominate them.

The second definition is more interesting.  Do you know any people that you would describe as a doormat?  Are you a doormat?

Don't be a doormat.  Here are some tips on how to not be a doormat:

Don't devalue yourself.  If you devalue yourself others will subconsciously (or consciously) do it even more so.

Speak with confidence.  Don't use words like "er" or "maybe".  Be definitive in your language.

Communicate.  It's easy for spouses to treat the other as a doormat and for it to go on for several years all the while as it gets worse.   Correcting course all starts with fundamental communication.

Also, do not confuse doormat meaning with dormant meaning.  The word dormant means: having normal physical function suspended or slowed down for a period of time.

The word dormant has nothing to do with doormat except that it is spelled similarly.

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Many of you (actually nobody) have been asking us...how do you say doormat in Spanish?  Our usual response is to check Google.  They know better than us.  But today we thought we'd be nice and actually provide clarification on the age old question: How do you say doormat in Spanish?

Doormat in Spanish: Felpudo.

Used in a sentence: "Check out this awesome felpudo that I have on my porch."

We know what you're thinking...why stop at just Spanish.  Why not educate our audience (of zero) about the word doormat in other languages.  Here you go!

Doormat in French: Paillasson

Doormat in Mandarin:

门垫

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