baral-chief-of-memes

[baral-chief-of-memes]

You know what you did.

Who shouldn't you use as a commander?

Magic the Gathering tip: baral owes me $5 and refuses to pay up so that guy.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

[Sorry, I didn't realize people were planning their interactions. I thought we were just having a massive chain of "Yes, and..."

Man remember when people would send me insane roleplay prompts and expect me to play along like that wasn't the most unhinged thing I'd ever seen just to get a chance to interact with a tired Wojek

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i love counterspell. "i cast fireball!" no you dont

[baral-chief-of-memes]

Congrats on Blue

I NO LONGER COST ONE GREEN AND ONE BLUE. THEY TOOK MY SIMIC STATUS!!!

[baral-chief-of-memes]

[Re-blogging the finale to Baral’s return.  Would anyone be interested in more of his adventures? Or should I send him back to his cell?]

A Strange Way to Get a Statue

Ok. So.  It’s been a few days.  Fighting was pretty intense, but the invasion seems to be over now.  They’re building a statue of me Kari.  Here’s what happened.

I was holding out by myself on the sixteenth floor of an old Consulate court building, fighting against some triangle-headed… things.  I manage to get into an office room and lock the door behind to try to catch my breath for a second.

Suddenly I start feeling the ground shake, and the sounds of an airship firing on approach.  I looked out the window to see a skyship being chased by a huge bipedal Phyrexian colossus.  The ship started trying to keep the building between it and the colossus, while still peeking out just enough to get some shots off.

Then, as I’m looking out the window at it, the door behind me bursts open and I trip out the window directly into the left eye of the colossus.  It starts trying to swat at me, but then a goddamn monkey jumps out of the skyship into its other eye.  It’s flailing trying to get us off, I’m holding on for dear life, and the monkey is going bananas.  The colossus manages to get one of us in each hand and holds us up to look at us.  But meanwhile, to skyship has used this distraction to line up a perfect shot and blasts a hole through its chest.  As it’s collapsing, the monkey and I get free and manage to make it through a broken window back into the building relatively unscathed.  The triangle things are swarming around the bottom of the building, so I start heading up with the monkey on my shoulder.

The skyship pulled up to the roof and we got aboard.  The captain thanks me for my “heroic distraction” and “making sure Ragavan was safe”.  She introduces herself as Kari Zev and asks me to fight as part of her crew.  Without the colossus around, we actually manage to start taking back a little ground.

The crew starts telling the story to every other pocket of resistance we meet over the next few days, but each time it gets bigger and less accurate.  By the time the invasion was over, you’d think I had been single-handedly dueling the thing while Kari lined up a head shot.

And now that its all over, they’re building a statue of us together.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

A Strange Way to Get a Statue

Ok. So.  It’s been a few days.  Fighting was pretty intense, but the invasion seems to be over now.  They’re building a statue of me Kari.  Here’s what happened.

I was holding out by myself on the sixteenth floor of an old Consulate court building, fighting against some triangle-headed... things.  I manage to get into an office room and lock the door behind to try to catch my breath for a second.

Suddenly I start feeling the ground shake, and the sounds of an airship firing on approach.  I looked out the window to see a skyship being chased by a huge bipedal Phyrexian colossus.  The ship started trying to keep the building between it and the colossus, while still peeking out just enough to get some shots off.

Then, as I’m looking out the window at it, the door behind me bursts open and I trip out the window directly into the left eye of the colossus.  It starts trying to swat at me, but then a goddamn monkey jumps out of the skyship into its other eye.  It’s flailing trying to get us off, I’m holding on for dear life, and the monkey is going bananas.  The colossus manages to get one of us in each hand and holds us up to look at us.  But meanwhile, to skyship has used this distraction to line up a perfect shot and blasts a hole through its chest.  As it’s collapsing, the monkey and I get free and manage to make it through a broken window back into the building relatively unscathed.  The triangle things are swarming around the bottom of the building, so I start heading up with the monkey on my shoulder.

The skyship pulled up to the roof and we got aboard.  The captain thanks me for my “heroic distraction” and “making sure Ragavan was safe”.  She introduces herself as Kari Zev and asks me to fight as part of her crew.  Without the colossus around, we actually manage to start taking back a little ground.

The crew starts telling the story to every other pocket of resistance we meet over the next few days, but each time it gets bigger and less accurate.  By the time the invasion was over, you’d think I had been single-handedly dueling the thing while Kari lined up a head shot.

And now that its all over, they’re building a statue of us together.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

Strange Alliances

It’s been a tough day of fighting.  The invasion started out slow, but it seems like every Phyrexian we kill is replaced with two or three.  More and more, those replacements are our former comrades, slain or captured, now turned against us.

It feels... odd to call them comrades.  Before, they would have been my enemies.  Renegades, pirates, and various other lowlifes.  But in the face of such overwhelming odds, such petty differences seem unimportant.  Now, there is only Us, and the Phyrexians.

The Phyrexians attack as one will, one mind.  Like a single mind controlling multiple bodies, or a hive of insects.  Our responses are increasingly haphazard, chaotic.  There’s simply not enough time to plan a response to every horror unleashed, just hope that whoever is closest can manage.  At times like this, I find myself wishing to have Baan back.  Perhaps he could find the flaw in their attack, the weakness for us to exploit.

Maybe I should have stayed in my cell.  I hope Conrad, Bolina, and the bees are ok.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

I told her “Lady, I don’t know anything about that, but if it gets me out of this cell for a bit, I’ll fight some metal people.”  On the plus side, they’re letting me have my old cloak and sword and stuff back. On the minus side, I appear to have lost a lot of weight during my incarceration, and now my old stuff doesn’t fit right.  The guard (Maya, I think her name was) is arranging to have them adjusted while I practice with my old sword.

She seemed confused when I asked if she also wanted help from Conrad and Bolina.  I left the cell door slightly open though, so hopefully they can escape on their own.

A Strange Conversation

So a guard came to my cell.  Already pretty irregular, I haven’t seen another person outside of Conrad and Bolina in quite a while.  She says that highly infectious metal people from another plane are invading from a tree (also metal) that’s tearing holes in the sky to turn everyone else into metal people, and now they want my help to stop them. 

That’s a lot to take in in one sentence.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

A Strange Conversation

So a guard came to my cell.  Already pretty irregular, I haven’t seen another person outside of Conrad and Bolina in quite a while.  She says that highly infectious metal people from another plane are invading from a tree (also metal) that’s tearing holes in the sky to turn everyone else into metal people, and now they want my help to stop them. 

That’s a lot to take in in one sentence.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

Strange Noises From Above

What’s all this noise I’ve been hearing? Sounds like something big is happening.  Surely won’t have anything to do with me.  I’ve been stuck in my cell for almost seven years.  Or maybe just a few months?  IDK, time seems weird.  I’ll just keep tending to my bees.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

I am summoned.  Prepare for my return.

Fucking hilarious, that Dovin Baan- who was responsible for arresting Baral and having him imprisoned- died like a pathetic bitch after the War of the Spark, and meanwhile this art implies that Baral gets a statue built in his honor for his actions during the Phyrexian invasion. Like, "Where's your statue for your deeds, Baan, you nitpicking CLOWN??"

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I worked on a card game called Gamestormers you can actually buy right now! These are the ones that I worked on, minus cloning device which lives in a little bit of limbo because it was a redraw of purchased artwork. I wanted to put a dragon in every painting, but sometimes that didn’t work out. Captain flint, the bird, was at one point a giant dragon stealing a ship. The solve a mystery card is a personal favorite of mine because I got to make little doodles of artwork my coworkers from OwlGhost made for characters.

I also love this one with the Narwhal because I got to work on Jenners design

[baral-chief-of-memes]

This a side blog?

Yes, this was created for the MtG role playing stuff that was really popular on this site back when Kaladesh was coming out. I grabbed the name as soon as I saw Baral's card spoiled thinking I could have some fun being a snarky blue mage countering all the spells, but then we learned a lot more about how Baral was an absolute monster and then got locked up forever, so it didn't provide as much material as I had hoped. That's why this blog has been mostly silent for so long; only so much material to mine from a guy losing his mind in solitary. If he really does come back, maybe I'll dust this blog off and start making more content.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

I begin to stir in my slumber, like a dark god receiving a prayer for the first time in millennia.

Making a whole other post, but people keep asking who "the masked man in the back" is. Honey, that's Baral.

[baral-chief-of-memes]

Hey everyone, I know I don’t post on here much anymore, but someone pretty close to me is involved in making this cool game about designing games!  Check it out:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/gamestomers/gamestormers-design-a-game-pitch-a-game-win-the-game?fbclid=IwAR2JVF7kDnuZBS7GyEeYXts9kaUCe8-TXeJZAknB1SUeCe9V-dOIiWfbgnw

[baral-chief-of-memes]

The US Trans Survey is in February 2022 & it helps determine government funding

Pledge to take the U.S. Trans Survey

[baral-chief-of-memes]

Fun fact, Grond the battering ram was named after the warhammer that was carried by Morgoth (the original Dark Lord, of whom Sauron was but a servant).

tolkien fans are insufferable because you'll agree to watch the movies with them and then seven hours in they'll say "omg my favourite character is about to appear!" and it's a fucking siege weapon