study blog (torture chamber)
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classes start tomorrow morning i need to lock the fuck in
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got As in both the classes i was worried about after final project grades went in we are SO BACK
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got like three hours of sleep and i have a full day of classes today… one of which is a peer review period for a draft i have yet to write. academic weapob
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on my fourth "high heart rate warning!" notification of this class period Girl i know!!! I am freaking the fuck out!!!!!
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5:42 AM finally finished drafting all four piqs am sitting in discord watching my friend transcribe christmas carols for elementary piano
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what if your professor emails you and says ps stop missing class except you literally have to leave early next week to meet with the one transfer counselor who is available within an 8 hour time difference and also your life is falling apart
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Wondering why my laptop keeps glitching out when I have two chrome windows with like 50 tabs each and ten applications running at any given moment
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Velimir Khlebnikov, Collected Works, Vol. 3: Selected Poems, tr. by Paul Schmidt
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i have officially started doing my university transfer applications (aka applying to transfer from the community college i currently attend to a four-year university). i have had murderous stalkers and have been in multiple life-threatening situations and straight up died once and yet this is genuinely the scariest thing that's ever happened to me
#the 15 year old me that made this blog would rather have died than suffer the indignity of where i am in life now#but 15 year old me was also insanely narrowminded and caustic#i have a normal and healthy relationship with academia!#pers
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whoever designed the uterus and its various accoutrements should be shot and killed and resurrected and then shot and killed again
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my worst trait is that sometimes i get my period and i start tweaking and the only solution is blasting that one shitty mgk song lying on the floor of my room with all the lights off
#it's better than when i was younger and unmedicated because the hormone shifts would straight up trigger episodes of mania or psychosis#his is why i can never date anyone because boom one month in and their entire existence will start pissing me off#and i am so unused to anger of any depth that whenever i actually express it i say horrible untakebackable things without meaning them
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am an observer, but not by choice.’
[text id: my fist has always been clenched around the handle of an invisible suitcase. / i am always ready to leave. / there is not a single room in this world where i belong.]
#ctrl#the restlessness and eternal sense of impermanence :/#i don't believe in my own ability to commit
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actually up until yesterday i was being kept in a cage deprived of all semiotic signification. so each of my interpretations of reality is the correct one because unlike all of you i am seeing it without cultural historical and social frameworks of reference
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