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[autumnaltempest]

When the birds have sung their daily song.

Words slip away. Thoughts following along.

I sit in the cool silence, peacefully moon-bathing.

An abrupt Crescendo of need, a craving.

Uncertain if of touch, or to know my purpose.

Or if what I feel can finally surface.

Freedom rings only from your bell.

To lead me away of what once was a hell.

Even when numb I only feel your tune.

Until we meet, at the rise of June.

[autumnaltempest]

★彡[☆]彡★

[autumnaltempest]

I don’t need to be drunk

I don’t need to be high.

Doesn’t take a genius monk

To understand the why

Your aura sweet like honey

Warm just like the sun.

Despite that I find it kinda funny.

Your beauty, like the moon, compared to none

You’re revitalizing like an oasis

Calm like a rolling river

Warmed me up from a frozen stasis

Now just your eyes give me that familiar shiver

With all that said, I hope and pray

In the future I get more than just a day.

So for now I shall be content with just a few

And wait for the next, to start anew.

[autumnaltempest]

You probably won’t see this. And that’s okay.

But I need to get this off my chest.

I am far from slipping off the edge. I live for many people. And would do anything for them.

But I get moments. That worsen the more they surface. Where I am forced to remember you. Wondering what you are thinking right now. What you’re feeling. If you ever found a replacement. Or an improvement. If you were able to find your version of love.

I am scared. Mortified. Petrified. Drained of all..joy.

That one day this high will come down. And I lose who you were forever. Fearful that I would be a statistic added up for passing to a broken heart. In my sleep.

Fearing that my final 7 minutes. Was actually remembering who were to me.

[autumnaltempest]

I had a chilling reality check happen today.

Thankful it happened merciful this way.

It saved me from getting torn apart:

Just because you have her trust, doesn’t mean you have her heart.

[autumnaltempest]

The two greatest gifts you have given me.

Was music that resonated with your soul.

And your attention.

I promise your time will never be wasted. Nor will your trust. I haven’t been saved yet.

. . .

Alas your radiance leads me to a path of redemption.

[autumnaltempest]

Please. I don’t know how much more I can beg to keep this pain away..please..

..stay.

[autumnaltempest]

[autumnaltempest]

I am here to show you. To prove to you. I am not just words. I won’t ever tell a lie to you. Nor would I ever make you think so little of yourself. My love, you are the light that comes from the sun. The warmth that melts away all of the pain and the chill that had accumulated over time. Making me see that it would have been a mistake had I succeeded in losing more than just myself. And what did you do to create such a tsunami of change within me?

You existed.

[autumnaltempest]

Walls

When you told me. That you would never let your guard down. My ego piped up in offense and wanted to say “well you can’t keep them up forever”. But I stopped myself. Re-read what you said again. Then thought:

Walls aren’t meant to come down. They were built with purpose. Anymore how people treat others regardless if you had known them from kindergarten or if it was another face off the street. Trust is becoming a dying art. Lies have plagued more than just our minds. Petrifying our hearts and our souls slowly.

I will say though. That I will be outside that wall. Waiting for the drawbridge to make a small crack open. Because getting to learn about you every day is better than dreaming and losing sleep thinking of what could have been. And if one day you do let me in. It would be no different than receiving the honor from the queen herself, requesting your company in person. When or if that day does happen. Humility, honor, and joy will radiate from me.

[autumnaltempest]

[autumnaltempest]

The longer I live the more sick I become of it. Of what exactly?

Being unable to tell you have all the achievements I’ve managed.

Being unable to tell you all the surprises that have come around. Both the good and the bad.

But what also has me sick is recovering from the poison you stuck in me. The insecurities, doubt and the self hatred that burns like a fever 24/7.

And what kind of scares me is that I was okay with the poison getting to my heart. To finally allow me to be released from it all.

[autumnaltempest]

A question. That I feel can never be appropriately answered. Is “How do you see Love?”

As a morning dew in the autumn morning. The chill waking up your soul filling your lungs with dampened air. Letting the intermittent breeze carry your breath to the skies. And when you are alone with them. It began to feel more like being bundled up next to a bonfire after the sun goes down. Tempted to touch the flame even knowing what the repercussions, and being okay with it. Wanting to burn as hot and bright as they do. Just as much as the need to feel warmth after trekking through snowy walks.

But when I close my eyes and think of the question. All I see is you.

[autumnaltempest]

When I close my eyes.

I see.

When I close my mouth and plug my nose.

I breathe.

When I close my ears.

I can hear.

But heaven forbid if I ever close my heart. Build walls taller than the world has ever seen.

It feels the kindness you gave my heart.

While remembering every scar that you left.

[autumnaltempest]

i live, but it doesn’t mean that i feel alive

i’m quite impressed by how many years i’ve managed to keep myself intact

years that felt like forever to me

years that felt as if there’s nothing in the world

that i can hold on to anymore

but i’m breathing

and i like that i am

though i’ve been living with cuts from the string

that i’m holding onto

i’m trying to search for an answer for every sea of blood that i shed from the sharp, clean cuts ,

why does being alive hurt me?

i always try to find love; in pain, grief, sadness, and all things associated with the idea of falling into an endless slumber

i concluded that love cannot always be found in everything we feel, because love is the sense of being alive

and to tell me that my longing for death is love

,it’s just pathetic philosophy, making love roam around in places where it shouldn’t be.

[autumnaltempest]

we went through all that

just to be strangers again

[autumnaltempest]

Head can’t stop spinning. I don’t know what are considered signs. Am I looking too hard? Am I not focused enough?..why am i always saying the right things at the wrong times?..

I suppose that is the cost of trying to look out for yourself. And your heart. Sometimes the one behind the knife is yourself.