autismandstuff

[autismandstuff]

Shout out to the furries and the pups I saw at pride today, it was 100°F out today and I know you were dying under all that fur and leather, respect.

[autismandstuff]

It's amazing how the further I get into actually living an adult life the more and more I hate having autism because it just gets in the fucking way. Like I would like to be able to buy food without having a borderline breakdown in the Sonic drive thru because they increased their prices by 30¢.

[autismandstuff]

I mean you could stop contributing to anglocentrism by at least trying to learn a language besides English especially considering how much of the world is more or less forced to use English (sometimes at the expense of their native language literally dying out) in order to get by. If you have internet access you can find free language learning resources that will at least get you started. Despite it's flaws I recommend you give Duolingo a try; they have many autistic users and offer about 40 languages for English speakers to learn.

I speak Spanish dumbass

[autismandstuff]

You're right, I've never had anxiety before and this "easy" method (your words, not mine, because I never said this was easy, it's actually a bit difficult in the beginning) is something that'll just never ever happen for an anxious person because anxiety is just impossible to overcome in any way.

Also I never once said this is exclusively for phone calls, I just used a phone call as one example. Overcoming anxiety is about baby steps and learning to just ask a question (over the phone or in person) is one of those steps.

This is in your hands as well, you'll never find a tip online that'll just solve everything for you and you shouldn't expect every post that's trying to be helpful to do that.

Honestly, probably the best social tip I could ever give you guys is literally just ask. Need to make a doctor's appointment but don't know how? Call the doctor's office and ask. Don't know the meaning of what someone said? Ask them. Don't understand the instructions you were given? Ask them to repeat or clarify. This has literally never failed me, no one's gotten angry, no one's refused to answer.

Even in situations where you think it might not work, I once accidentally missed a deadline to accept a job offer, so I called and asked if they could reset it and they did. Just today I called a doctor and asked how to schedule an appointment, the lady told me how, and then I did it. Didn't know if someone was being sarcastic or not, so I asked and they told me. Just ask.

[autismandstuff]

I don’t have like. Advice per say, but I have seen a lot of autistic people struggle with friendships and as an autistic person who has finally managed to form a close bond with some select people - find other weird kids. If you aren’t vibing with someone, it’s easy to try and Be Better So They Like You, or at least that’s what I did, I would obsess over them liking me or not and if they did like the version of me I presented I’d be terrified that they’d see through the illusion and leave. If you catch yourself doing that, as terrifying and hard as it is - stop. Friendships take work yes, but not that kind of work. The friendships that stick are the ones where you can be yourself, even if those take forever to find. They are worth it.

Secondly, and I learned this the hard way too - if you are constantly self-deprecating, even in joke form, that weighs on others. It stops being funny fast, and becomes exhausting quickly. If you constantly talk about being a burden and apologising for being in people’s lives, they will of course want to reassure you and prove you wrong, but they can’t keep doing that because it’s mentally draining. There’s an element of learning to talk about struggles in a real, vulnerable way? Not saying “god I’m such a burden, why do you hang out with me lol” and instead saying “thank you for being my friend, I really appreciate you.” and the like…

Lastly like… and this is the bit that SUCKS…. Cause social anxiety is the worst…. But friends don’t just appear. You have to go through an uncomfortable period of Putting Yourself Out There and talking to people and that may take time and you may need to repeat it. Eventually, you find one person. Who introduces you to other people (by which I mean say YES when they invite you to that board game night or whatever else, like yes I hate being around strangers too but every single person starts out as a stranger, friends included). And then you kind of just… figure out how to communicate. What their needs and wants and likes and dislikes are, and how they might vibe and clash with yours. It’s a give and take.

And yea, your friends will find you annoying. In the same way you will find them annoying sometimes. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you and that you’re a bad person. It means youre a person. No one is ever going to like you 100% of the time - and that’s okay!

I didn’t mean to have this be so long - sorry for filling your inbox! I hope this all makes sense and is maybe helpful to some people…

.

[autismandstuff]

Sorry! You said you were good at social skills, so I wrongly assumed this was something you may have some experience with. I appreciate you taking the time to answer! 🌸

Ah, I am good at social skills, I just haven't been in any situation where I can make actual friends. Like I said in the tags, I've been pretty isolated since highschool, between not having anywhere to go to make friends for a few years and the pandemic.

[autismandstuff]

Im autistic, late 20s, and I've never had friends. Do you think it's still possible to build close connections when you never have? Any tips? Thank you! 🌸

Sorry bud, you came to the wrong place as I'm in the same boat except I'm early 20s.

I will say that I definitely do still thinks it's possible to build close connections. Also just like be nice, be friendly, be yourself and people will like you well enough to at least be an acquaintance. And if they don't like you then whatever, people don't like me all the time, I'm annoying, I'm overbearing, and I'm a bit of a burden, but who cares. Someone's gonna be my friend eventually.

[autismandstuff]

Honestly, probably the best social tip I could ever give you guys is literally just ask. Need to make a doctor's appointment but don't know how? Call the doctor's office and ask. Don't know the meaning of what someone said? Ask them. Don't understand the instructions you were given? Ask them to repeat or clarify. This has literally never failed me, no one's gotten angry, no one's refused to answer.

Even in situations where you think it might not work, I once accidentally missed a deadline to accept a job offer, so I called and asked if they could reset it and they did. Just today I called a doctor and asked how to schedule an appointment, the lady told me how, and then I did it. Didn't know if someone was being sarcastic or not, so I asked and they told me. Just ask.

[autismandstuff]

Anyone else think about their physical movements in a weird way? Like sometimes I have to contort my body into some unusual position for whatever reason and all I can think about is like how my muscles and bones and stuff are moving to allow me to be in that position. Or sometimes I do it even when I'm just like walking and shit, idk what my deal is, but I'm obsessed with thinking about my movements as if I'm watching some sort of anatomy documentary analyzing how different animals move.

[autismandstuff]

I never feel more autistic than when I just sit on the stairs for no goddamn reason. Why am I doing this.

[autismandstuff]

I love when people say shit like "You can't gatekeep terms like 'special interest'" actually yes I can, watch me.

[autismandstuff]

Yeah.

Should neurotypical teachers get better training on how to accommodate neurodivergent kids? Yes. Should neurotypicals be banned from being teachers? Absolutely not. We still need neurotypical teachers because we still have neurotypical students. It'd be pretty wild to talk about how autistic students have to have teachers who don't understand autism and then turn around and say neurotypical students should have to have teachers who don't understand being neurotypical. And don't try to say we do understand it, we don't, like 70% of the posts in the autism tag on this website are about not understanding neurotypicals.

Okay but neurotypical adults should not be teachers? Am I the only autistic person who feel this way? 

[autismandstuff]

Something I always did when I had super long hair was I would get in the shower and put conditioner in and brush it then (the conditioner makes it super slippery and the knots come right out). Also make sure you use a brush with plastic bristles or a wide toothed comb, anything else will be hell. I also wore mine in a ponytail or braid almost constantly, it really helps decrease the amount of tangling.

any autistic people with long hair: how do you brush it? i'm struggling to brush it through because of how uncomfortable it is sensory-wise

[autismandstuff]

They can't though. Can NTs become really focused/invested or ramble on about something they like? Sure. Can they hyperfixate or infodump? No.

Hyperfixation is not just liking something a lot, it's becoming so invested in something (not necessarily something you even like, you can hyperfixate on things you don't like) that it consumes your life for a short period of time, and then you might never think about that thing again.

Hyperfixate and infodump are words created to describe experiences that are specific to autism (and ADHD), NTs shouldn't be using them and if they really and truly experience hyperfixation or infodumping, then they might not even be NT.

I know this is gonna sound wild, given how Tumblr is, but gatekeeping is okay in certain contexts, especially medical/health contexts. There is nothing wrong with saying "This is a word we created to describe an experience we have because of our disorder, if you don't have that disorder and that experience, don't use this word." Because if you let just anybody use it, the word will eventually become watered down and lose it's meaning, and then we're back to square one where autistic/ADHD people have no word to describe their experience.

Ok so this is definitely a hot take. Keep in mind that I'm just a little less strict then most people. I'm also autistic myself. The reason I'm making that clear is because I do have a little more experience with this. However I'm not saying that's the soul factor for how I may be right or wrong. But anyway-

I really disagree with the whole "You can't hyperfixate or infodump if you aren't on the spectrum/have austim" statement and mentality some people have. Even though it shouldn't be, it feels really gatekeepy and condescending. And I actually get why people say it. It's just really flawed.

Anyone can hyperfixate on stuff if they enjoy it enough. Granted, it's MUCH more common for neurodivergent people since that's just how our brains work. However, just because I'm autistic and will usually be neck deep in a franchise, that doesn't mean I'm gonna act entitled like I own the right to hyperfixating. Just because it's more common in one group doesn't mean it only happens in that group.

Some of this is pretty true though. Casual talk isn't really infodumping, for example. There's no concrete rules but it's just obvious when it is and isn't. Also there is a fine line between a hyperfixation and liking something alot too. It all depends on context and the basic knowing of how it goes.

With me saying that though, I don't feel like people should be so critical and act like they made it or something. Can't address every possible detail I forgot to mention. But basic point: It may be a bit different, but you can do these things and be neurotypical. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with that

Just don't act like a special or gifted prick. And don't act like you're "cool" if you KNOW you don't actually hyperfixate or do infodumping.

That is all I have to say. Feel free to tell me wat you all think. I'm genuinely interested.

[autismandstuff]

With every failed social interaction I’m slowly turning into someone who hates their autism.

[autismandstuff]

Idk anything about adoption, but jobs absolutely do not have access to your medical records. No employer will know you have autism or ADHD unless you tell them.

Also it's not "best to just stay self diagnosed", whether or not someone should get a professional diagnosis is up to them and their personal needs, you can't just say it's best to be one or the other. The idea of that is harmful, don't fear monger getting a diagnosis.

heya so uh its best not to get a offical adhd/autism test done because it'll go on ur record and make it v hard for u to get a job and/or adopt children, so its best to just say self diagnosed and have self care :)

[autismandstuff]

My teeth are being shitty again, so here's another reminder to go brush your fucking teeth, good god, this isn't worth it