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audacityofhugefics · 2 years ago

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For the ask game: 7, 10, 24, 30, 37 and 38. 😊

Heyo! Thanks for participating.

7. Your favourite ao3 tag. I don't really have one I guess. I tend to look at the Abby/Ellie couple tag the most often. When I was deep in the Rizzles mode I used to look at "slow burn" and "canon continuation" because those are my jams in general.

10. Top three favourite fic tropes. 3.) Long distance relationships, because absence makes the heart grow fonder. 2.) "Everyone knew except for these two morons." 1.) Friends to lovers. That is my SHIT.

24. Thoughts on flashbacks/flashforwards. I love them. I have used both in my fics. Flashbacks in particular can be a really handy tool to establish character development, because you can show how what happened before would not have happened if the character was in the place they are at now. I used this in "The Good Fight" by flashing back to when Abby and Owen broke up, for example. And I almost always use a flashforward as my last chapter because I'm a sucker for an ending that ties everything up nicely.

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't. I really really was trying to think of a way to pair Aloy and Alva in Horizon: Forbidden West. I still might do it. We'll see what happens when I go back for a second playthrough. I also have a hard drive full of abandoned Sailor Moon ideas, although most of them never went anywhere because they didn't have an actual plot, they were just several chapters of pure fluff, which used to be all I wrote until Legend of Korra showed up in my life and brought "Chosen's Chosen" with it.

37. Do you research before writing or while you write? Is it fun or boring for you? I do SOME research, just enough to sound authoritative on something. I also tend to use a lot of my general knowledge on stuff I already know about in my fics, like politics or police work or motorcycles, which is something I haven't had occasion to bring in to a fic but I have used in an original work that I'm just writing for fun.

38. "This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it fics? "This happened but" by a landslide. I ALWAYS prefer fics that are as close to canon compliant as possible. It's what I write and it's what I read. I'm writing/reading fic because I'm interested in the intellectual property, so I want fan works that are harmonious alongside it.

Thanks again for the ask!

#ask game thing

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audacityofhugefics · 2 years ago

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Yet another writing ask

Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Anything that you'd like to write but feel like you're unable to?

How would you describe your writing style?

Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

What's your ratio for rating your works?

Your favourite ao3 tag.

How slow is a slow burn?

Thoughts on cliffhangers.

Top three favourite fic tropes.

Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

Rate your worldbuilding skills from 1 to 10.

Write and share the first sentence of a new fic. Just that.

What's your favourite plotless fic you have written?

Are one-shots really underrated?

Past or present tense? Why?

First, second, or third person?

Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you?

Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?

What is it about watching the same two idiots falling in love over and over again?

Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

Thoughts on flashbacks/flashforwards.

Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go?

What would you describe as OOC?

Do you agree that one shouldn't start a story with a piece of dialogue?

Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

What's the hardest thing about writing?

Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.

What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)?

Do you have a word/expression that you always use in your writing?

Give your writing a compliment.

Do you write to improve? Or is that not a concern for you?

Thoughts on writing challenges/contests.

How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?

Do you research before writing or while you write? Is it fun or boring for you?

"This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it fics?

Wildest AU scenario you have written?

Write a 9-word fic.

#no one is interested in what i have to say #but i'll post it anyway #just in case

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Hysto journal #3

Not too much to say here, but I figured I should say that I heard back from the insurance company today and, wouldn’tcha know it, they done fucked up and they are adjusting all my claims. Those people had NO idea who they were messing with. Medical coding is literally 75% of my actual job. I knew they were making a mistake. I’m feeling quite smug about it TBH. I am glad that it got resolved BEFORE the $30,000 facility claim hit my account, though. It would really be a bummer to get a bill for that, even though I knew the insurance would pay it eventually.

Healing-wise, I’m basically up to 100%. The only thing I still have going on is that sometimes when I really have to pee my body will get confused and think it’s pain from the hysto. But I haven’t needed to take ibuprofen for pain in several days now. I’m having no issues getting around or sitting all day for work or anything. It’s all good.

I am having some acne, though. I assume my body is adjusting to the sudden shift in hormone production (i.e. I no longer have any estrogen whatsoever). No biggie. I’ll give it some time. If it gets worse I’ll talk to my PCP about it. I need to have an appointment to get my T levels checked anyway. And I’m happy to do that now that I KNOW MY INSURANCE WILL PAY FOR IT.

The only other remainder is that I still have stitches sticking out of my bellybutton and the incision on the left side of my belly. I’m soooooo tempted to pull them out. Soooooo tempted. But I’m resisting for now.

#ftm #trans #surgery journal #hysto

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Completed my very first whole game permadeath run tonight. It was only on light so it was super easy, especially since I've been practicing for grounded perma for a couple of weeks now (I feel confident on pretty much everything up to Brewery on Abby day 3). This was really just for fun. But still, I'm proud. Usually I get cocky and make a stupid mistake, or the glitch in tunnels 4 kills me. Lol.

#tlou2 #Permadeath #Whole game

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Hysto journal #2

Long overdue for this, but as I’m sitting here watching this egregious, horrific stuff going down in Kyiv I thought, “Why not pull my mental real estate away from this and focus on something a little less rage-inducing.” And I do mean A LITTLE. The hysto is indeed ALSO causing me rage. But we’ll get to that.

First I guess I should talk a little bit about what all went down with the surgery. My dad went with me to the hospital. I love my dad more than I can ever really adequately express. I mentioned in my last post that I found my old journal and that I could see how my grief colored a lot of my personality, and my relationship with my dad is a really good reflection of that. I was an absolute monster to my dad after my mom died. He could never do anything right, as far as I was concerned. I thought of him as this old, bumbling idiot. With the wisdom of hindsight I can see that this was related to grief. I missed my mother. I wanted my mother, and he was not my mother. And that was a PROBLEM. So I lashed out. Irrationally, emotionally, and illogically.

This was on my mind when we went to the hospital on the morning of my hysto, because he was taking a day off work to support me in my voluntary sterilization (even though I know he would LOVE biological grandkids), and is willing to help me with this whole phallo thing later in the year. So I apologized to him about how mean I was as a teenager, just in case I died on the operating table. He said that all his kids have been mean to him over the years, and he’s used to it, and he doesn’t hold it against us. But still, I’m real fuckin’ sorry about it. The dude is my fucking hero. I would never be so mean to him now.

But I digress. We arrived at the hospital and were very quickly separated so I could prep for surgery. They made me take a damn pregnancy test. LOL. As an ace forever alone asshole, that amused me. I’m not exactly sure how long it’s been since I’ve had sex with a biological male, but it’s definitely double digits. But protocol is protocol. I told the nurse, “Even if I am pregnant somehow, go ahead and take the uterus anyway.”

Next I had to get naked and cozied up on the stretcher after wiping off with some pre-surgical wipes. They put in my IV and, weirdly, gave me a whole bunch of drugs to swallow orally, including some narcotics. They said it was to help the pain when I woke up, which, like.... Sure. But the other effect was that I was completely blissed out by the time all these people involved with the surgery came by to meet the person they were cutting open. I was cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. They put that shower cap on me and I was like “Oh I think I saw this on Project Runway.”

I had been waffling back and forth on whether or not to keep one my ovaries. Taking both out essentially means that I have no risk for cancer or cysts down there, but I am committing to taking hormones for the rest of my life, because bad things happen when there are no hormones in the human body. I told the doc I wanted both out just so I’d never have to think about it again, and I do intend to continue with testosterone until I eventually die in a motorcycle crash. So who cares. But a part of me was like, “What if you get old?” But you know what? Fuck it. Taking them out will keep me accountable. And they have those nifty T pellets now, maybe in another five years those will be more readily available and I can get those put in for E-Z hormones. So when the doc came by before the surgery I said, “OK we’re good, get these things out of me.”

Anyway. I went under, they did the thing, and I woke up. I had a lot of nausea after I woke up, way more than I remember having after my top surgery in 2007, or when I had my wisdom teeth taken out, which are the only other times I’ve ever gone under general anesthesia. I didn’t have a lot of pain, I just felt nauseous and tired and bloated from the gas they inject so they can maneuver in your abdomen. But pretty much as soon as I woke up I was slurring jokes to the nurses, although sadly I cannot remember what I said. They had one nurse who watched you while you were still in that phase where you can’t quite stay awake, and then another who takes over when you can sit upright in a recliner. The sleepy-time nurse was sad to see me go, I could tell. I can’t even remember her damn name, but she was very kind and always seemed to be around whenever I needed something.

The next nurse also loved me, although I think she was annoyed when I banished her from the bathroom when I tried to pee. I was like “I have trouble peeing under the best of circumstances.” Which is true. I’m not a good pee-er. Peeing is actually one of my main and only sources of gender dysphoria. I don’t like having to sit to pee. Unfortunately, peeing is like the entire focus of the recovery room after anesthesia, because they need to make sure you can do it before you can leave. I was able to get a few drops out, but then I started to REALLY feel like I needed to barf so I pulled the cord and they brought me back to the recliner. I had the barf tray in front of my mouth, that’s how close I was to barfing, but then the nurse waved this PEPPERMINT STICK thing in front of my NOSE and I NO LONGER HAD TO BARF. Has anyone else ever heard of this before??? It was a fucking miracle!! All urge to barf, gone immediately. I’m keeping some of those peppermint things in my bathroom from now on.

I should mention that by this point my dad had been sitting out in the waiting room for about 8 hours. Which is WAY longer than I thought we’d be there. It was all my fault, the nurses thought I was ready to go but I was so worried about not being able to pee. I was apologizing to my dad over text and to the nurses constantly, and they were all like “Dude literally shut up.” In a nice way of course, but still. Heartwarming.

This hospital where I had the hysto is working on getting a whole trans health program up and running, and I believe I was possibly the very first trans patient this OBGYN (who will be associated with the program) had done a hysto for. Eventually this facility will be doing other surgeries for trans patients too, like phalloplasty and vaginoplasty, which is rad. Unfortunately they won’t be offering the type of phallo I’m looking for (which is abdominal), but it’s nice to know there are doctors literally right down the road from me that are offering the other kinds (RFF and ALT) if I change my mind. All the nurses know that this is something that’s being set up for their hospital and they were very curious to hear about phallo in general. I ended up being the last patient in the unit for the night, so the nurse spent a long time chatting with me about it until I felt ready to go. She wheeled me downstairs, asked if she could give me a hug, and then my dad took me to his house.

I don’t live with my parents anymore but I stayed with them for the first few days. I was up and walking pretty much immediately. Really, I felt fine. The worst part was the gas, just like everyone says. It basically felt like I always needed to fart, but I could never, EVER fart. Farting would have involved strain, and strain hurt. Luckily that phase passed after a few days and basically as soon as I was pooping again, I was ready to go home. So my dad took me back to my apartment and I’ve been here ever since.

On the Friday after the surgery “Horizon: Forbidden West” came out, so I basically played that every waking moment. In case you’re curious, I liked it but I had some big issues with it. Where are the cubes on the minimap that point you to datapoints??? Why do I have to scroll through so many damn things to find my potions??? Where’s the whistle command??? But I loved the story a LOT. Overall, 7/10.

Now let’s talk about the infuriating part: The insurance is denying all my claims!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to understand, I work in medical insurance. I know how this works. I know how the game is played. I KNOW these services are covered. I KNOW the insurance company is making a mistake in my benefits administration. But it doesn’t make it any less stressful. I called them a few times trying to get a straight answer about why these things were being denied, finally I talked to a supervisor (who was also trans!) who confirmed that they are being denied because the diagnosis (F64.9 if you’re curious) is excluded. So this is not something I can fix by calling the insurance anymore. I went right to HR. So the benefits team at my HR department is looking in to it as an urgent matter, considering they’re going to end up denying about $40,000 worth of eligible expenses for me.

I’m trying not to be worried about it. If anyone is equipped with the tools to fix this, it’s me. But if HR comes back and says the claims are denied correctly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I wouldn’t trust them with my phallo, that’s for sure. Most likely I’d go looking for another job. Shit, maybe I’ll go back to Starbucks. They definitely cover phallo.

The thing is, “Transgender surgery” is SPECIFICALLY listed as a covered benefit. I think what the insurance company wants is for the providers to bill with the diagnosis F64.0 instead of F64.9, and if that’s the problem then that means I have to wait to be billed by ALL these providers so I can call their billing department and ask for supervisors until I can find someone who understand that they need to change the diagnosis codes on their claims. It would be ridiculously time consuming and difficult, for essentially no reason. Here’s what these codes stand for:

F64.0: Transsexualism F64.9: Gender identity disorder, unspecified

Excuse me, WHAT? Are you trying to say that gender identity disorder is not a valid reason to have transgender surgery? Do I need to call the insurance company and explain that the nomenclature of the word “transsexual” is steeped in history and debate among the trans community and there’s nothing that makes it more valid or medically legitimate than “gender identity disorder,” and that to claim otherwise is disingenuous? Am I supposed to call up an outsourced customer service department in India and say “Your insurance company is truscum?”

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough.

TL;DR: The hysto was very easy, but now my insurance company is being a butthead.

#trans #hysto #ftm #transgender surgery #hysterectomy

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Hysto journal #1

I recently came across my old LiveJournal that I started when I was fifteen in the year 2003. The first entry was made a few months before my mother died (she’d been EXTREMELY and traumatically ill with oral cancer for several years before that). It’s pretty wild to see the entries from that time. It really hurt to see some of the things I wrote when the grief was so fresh and overwhelming. It changed me as a person for a long time. It was a constant open wound, like a vapor cloud that followed me everywhere - like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. It obscured my view of the world and got into every little crack and pore of my being. And as I healed it took a long time for the scar tissue to settle into form, to create the person I eventually became.

I was still identifying as female. Then I came out as bi. Then as a lesbian. Then, circa 2006, while I was still using the LJ, as trans. I documented the whole process. Coming out, starting hormones, getting my name change, getting top surgery. If I hadn’t kept the journal, I wouldn’t have remembered any the shit I put in there. Re-reading it was a walk down memory lane.

I’m glad I wrote the journal. It’s hard to believe I managed to do the things I did at that age. I wasn’t organized or mature. I was working a retail job, had no direction in life, no real drive or even particular desire to go on living. But transitioning seemed like the best possible route for me, so I took it. So far it’s worked out pretty well for me. I could telegraph in the LJ the gradual rise in my general mood, although I’ll never really know if that could be attributed to the fact that the lowness of my initial mood was intrinsically linked to losing my mother.

Anyway, I write all this to say: I’m going to do a little documentation of my hysto process here. LOL.

As far as my actual dysphoria goes, I don’t really have a problem with my “plumbing.” I’m not bothered by the fact of it being there. What I DON’T like is the monthly visitor. For whatever reason, T has never reliably stopped that for me and I always have to keep products around for it just in case. I don’t like that. No, I don’t like it at all.

That being said, it STILL wouldn’t be enough to convince me to get a hysto. It just seemed so unnecessary. But in determining that I want phallo, you have to figure out your priorities. The long and short of it is that if I want to be able to stand to pee, it’s easier if they “close the Batcave,” and they won’t close me up if there’s still stuff in there. So that’s why I decided to bite the bullet and get the stuff taken out. Besides, it’s not like I’m using it.

So I found a local doc to do it and he’s been great. Him and his office ladies, who love me and blow kisses at me every time they see me. I have no complains about the office - especially considering the problem we had with my insurance. The insurance company tried to deny my pre-authorization because they wanted a letter from a mental health provider and documented proof of being on hormones for at least a year. I find this PARTICULARLY insulting considering I’ve been living as male for almost as long as I lived as female, but OKAY. Anyway, I knew about the requirement and had been prepared for this possibility. I had the letter already and I was planning to go to Planned Parenthood to get my medical records to show the hormones. But I didn’t end up needing any of it, because the doctor did a peer-to-peer and got the denial overturned the NEXT DAY. I don’t know what he told them, but he’s a fucking WIZARD.

With that all sorted out, all systems seemed like they should be go, however... I developed what I think was a yeast infection. I was SO WORRIED this would delay the surgery, and I really almost didn’t tell the doc about it. But I couldn’t bring myself to hide it, and luckily he was like “Meh. No biggie. I’ll write you a script for it but it’s fine if it’s not cleared up by the surgery date.” So FYI, you CAN get a hysto if you have a yeast infection. Google couldn’t give me the answer, so there is it. The answer is yes, internet strangers.

Now I’ve got all my pre-op info and all my drugs. This weekend I need to figure out what I’m gonna entertain myself with while I’m laid up for the first couple of days (on the 18th Horizon: Forbidden West comes out so I’ll be set for entertainment after that). And on Sunday I have to drink a truly ridiculous amount of liquid because Doc wants me hydrated as fuck for the surgery on Monday.

That’s pretty much it for now. Not super interesting so far. We’ll see how the rest of this plays out. Stay tuned if you want. Or don’t. I don’t really care either way, I’m writing this for me to look at in 15 years and say “Oh yeah, I forgot about the yeast infection.”

#ftm #surgery journal #hysto #trans #female to male #tmi

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Well it's official. As long as I don't test positive for COVID at my pre-op on Wednesday I'll be having a hysterectomy on 2/14 after almost 20 years of living full-time as male.

This is surgical step one towards phalloplasty. I already had a consult with a surgeon for that and I'm probably gonna go with him and hopefully get stage one done before the end of 2022.

It's wild to be back in a position of thinking about being trans again. It's been a done deal for so long. Ancient history. I'm 34, began transition at 17. Paid for top surgery out of pocket in 2007 long before any insurance would have covered it.

I always wanted phallo but I've been stuck in the mindset of "There's no way I could afford that." But I just suddenly had this realization like... Oh wait. My insurance will pay for it.

So we're on. This whole thing is a logistical nightmare but there's nothing to do but go through it.

Sorry for over sharing into the void. Just needed to get this off my chest.

#ftm #phalloplasty #trans #next step on my gender journey lol

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Hi guys.

We don't talk enough about the fact that Abby says the word "Skootch" when she wants Lev to move out of the way of the bookshelf she pushes aside in Santa Barbara.

That is all.

#abby #tlou2

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audacityofhugefics · 3 years ago

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Really enjoying this fic so far. Can’t wait to see where it goes.

[TLOU]: kiss the blood off my cheek

god i haven’t written fic in so long i forgot how i used to format these

uh, idk if anyone who still hangs here is still into the last of us, but i’ve had an ellabs fic stuck in my head for months and i’ve read through the entire ship tag like 5 times lmao. definitely still a little rusty, but i’m a sucker for “enemies to reluctant partners to friends to lovers.”

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Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

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Title: kiss the blood off my cheek Pairing: Ellabs (Ellie Williams x Abby Anderson) Summary: Abby isn’t able to escape Santa Barbara without the Rattlers kidnapping Lev again. She’s facing a long, arduous trek across California to get him back, and it’s something she can’t do alone. Luckily, Ellie has some bad karma to wash off her hands.

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prologue + chapter 1

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Abby thought a lot about how she would kill Joel.

Whenever her thumbs passed over the face of a state quarter, the choreography would unravel in her head — the only bedtime story she ever told herself that actually helped her to sleep.

It wasn’t until she killed her first Clicker — felt how warm and human the blood was as it splattered across her face — that she realized how easy it was to kill monsters. All it took was some scotch tape, a broken office scissor, and two good stabs. If she got stronger, she could kill Joel with her bare hands. Maybe even draw it out with a clear head and a steady heart.

But when Joel’s skill cracked under Abby’s golf club, she felt just like she did when she killed infected and kicked their dead bodies with the soles of her boots. Absolutely nothing.

The only thing she received for her efforts was Ellie’s promise to kill her in return.

It’s that familiar nothingness that Abby sees in Ellie’s eyes as she stares up through the murky water and struggles to pry her hands loose from her neck. Abby doesn’t have enough food in her stomach or fire in her blood to fight like she used to. As her legs spasm in a fruitless panic, she wonders whether Ellie will look down at her like she looked down at Joel. She wonders if this will help her. She wonders if Lev will wake up and continue their grisly work.

She wonders if this is how all life ends. At the hands of those you helped destroy.

Keep reading

#@tlou2 #ellabs #the last of us part 2 #ellie x abby #abby x ellie #tlou2 fanfic

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