asktinacohenchangrespect

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

Well, you know I am an advocate for female empowerment and independence. I'm sure you'd be able to persuade them into changing a few aspects if that wasn't the case.

Guess who has an audition this weekend?

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

askwhoretana replied to your post “Whats your opinion on Santana Lopez?”

You're not so bad yourself.

How sweet.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

Right? It's not a great movie unless you feel connected to the characters or the story, which can lead to small emotional outbursts. I actually sort of envy those who refrain from sobbing during every movie, even though it leaves a good impression of the movie. He could be saving all of his emotions for Rachel, whether he wants to admit that or not. But I would have to second that thought. He's special, indeed.

I’m a little bit of a crier too. I just get so wrapped up in them! I don’t know how people don’t cry, so I understand why you wouldn’t believe it. He convinced me he hasn’t ever. If you ask me, it’s because he is at least part cyborg.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

It's good to hear it went well, obviously, since you got the part. That sounds sort of intense, but exciting nonetheless. It sounds like a challenge, especially for a student film. Are you the daughter?

Guess who has an audition this weekend?

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

Make sure they're good people, at least. New York has some really sketchy people, but I'm sure you've already run into some of those.

This just in,

Well, it’s fun if you want to have sex with them. Duh. Plus, I’m mostly behind the bar, so they can’t even reach my boobs.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

Yeah, you're right. Not really sure what people would do with that sort of information - it's not like it matters whether they know about my personal life or not. Aw, well, thank you. I appreciate that.

Maybe, but it’s not really anyone’s business, right? And hey, I think you’re pretty good at it. You’re not like totally mysterious, but a good amount.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to the opening night, but I definitely have some really great tickets for a show soon, so I'm most definitely excited for that. Congrats on your Broadway debut, though! I am genuinely proud of what you've achieved so far, and I'm glad you've come this far, too.

The most important day of my entire life is finally here!

While I am sure many of my fans spent yesterday serenading their neighbours, families and friends with the fitting Les Mis classic One Day More, today, dear friends, fans and followers, is officially the day that my star is born and I begin my meteoric ascent to Broadway greatness! I highly doubt I need to explain how vitally important every second of today is as I prepare for what will undoubtedly go down in Berry and World history as the day that the art of musical theatre was re-born but I just wanted to make a small note for prosperity to celebrate the very best day ever. Being a part of something special makes you special but now I finally know that I am special and the fact I’m a part of this show is what will make Victor Hugo’s tale even more special. It is finally my turn to shine and I can assure each and every one of you that I never intend to let my light go out again because I am going to be perfect. 

To reiterate so no-one can ever question my absolute stardom: this spotlight is mine and, although Jesse dissuaded me from legally changing my name to Eponine, I will be showing everyone just how amazing and captivating my version of her truly is. Unfortunately, and despite my numerous suggestions, complaints and warnings, the Imperial Theatre continues to refuse to hand out sunscreen and protective glasses for all theatre goers so they can be saved from my overwhelmingly incandescent gift and overall dazzling performance but I have taken it upon myself to leave each audience member their very own bumper-sized pack of tissues for my pivotal, and heart wrenching final scene. While I cannot guarantee that the mediocre number of tissues included in those packs will be enough, I know that it is very important to give back, even on my most important and magical of nights. Having said that, I also thought it was important to give just a few thank yous before my debut, and inevitable rise to a fame that most people can only dream of. I should note, however, that your presence on this particular post in no way guarantees a coveted spot in any of my award show acceptance speeches.

★ TO MY DADDIES. You have always been the people to cheer me on since I won my very first dance trophy at the tender age of three months and I doubt that without your support, endlessly creative dinner theatre and fabulous fashion guidance, I would be in New York City, planning my very first Broadway.com Audience Awards acceptance speech for best female replacement. I was born out of love, and impeccable gene selection, and I’ve known all my life that I am destined for greatness because of you, and your extensive Barbra collection. Thank you for always believing in me and thank you for giving me the best guidance in the cutthroat world of musical theatre: Honest, Respect, Dance, that is not just our family’s motto but a way of life that I will always advocate. 

★ TO JESSE. Although I have known since we were only young that out mutual respect for our outstanding talents would see us through any challenges, I don’t know if I could have survived the past year without you. Your own stage debut, and phenomenally successful tour, was so inspirational and a constant reminder of just why I deserve, and am worthy, of my own spotlight too. You have given me a home outside of Broadway, and reminded me that perhaps my whole life doesn’t have to be exclusively focused on cementing my right as Barbra’s heir (although recent blog posts dubbing me ‘Mini Babs’ more than proves my aforementioned right), but most importantly, you make me feel beautiful and important even when I’m off stage. I will always be a star but no matter how perfect and legendary my performance is tonight, I know that I can always just be Rachel Berry with you and I love you so much. 

★ TO MR. SCHUE AND MY FELLOW GLEE CLUBBERS. While I have always cast you as antagonists in the musical version of my life, I suppose that now I have finally proven just how special I am, I can also thank you for everything that you’ve done. This may come as a surprise to many of my less observant past teammates but I did sometimes question my star power, and face horrific and life threatening bouts of vocal chord destruction, and you always reminded me of my greatness, albeit mainly fuelled by your jealousy and misplaced self loathing. Thank you for supporting me and finally giving me a place to belong. The New Directions will always be special to me because, no matter how many trophies I won for us via my heartfelt Celine solos, it was also the very first place that I won acceptance. I love you guys, and I can’t wait to blow you all away tonight. As I believe I stated on every single handmade, and metaphorically fitting star shaped invitation, attendance is compulsory unless you are either dead or shopping in Barbra’s secret, underground private mall. Regardless I promise that tonight is going to be: Ahhhh-mazing! 

★ TO BARBRA. Although I dedicated my final piece of fan-mail pre-fame, glory and excessive amounts of adoring messages to explaining just how inspirational, talented and amazing Ms. Streisand truly is, I could never complete a heartfelt thank you post without including someone so vitally important in the career of Rachel Barbra Berry. While we may never have technically met in person, since that fateful viewing of Funny Girl in all its technicolour glory when I was only three, Barbra and I have shared a bond that surpasses needing actual physical contact or acknowledgement. She is my definition of a star, a diva and a true legend and I know that she will be sending me her very own standing ovation tonight, albeit psychically, as her mental protege, soul sister and successor takes her very first Broadway bow. 

★ TO MY FANS. While people have often, ridiculously and rudely, questioned your existence, I have always known that I have a very strong and very loyal fanbase of Berry Believers (not to be mistaken with the tasteless and brainwashed Beliebers). From the early days on MySpace where I relentlessly pursued online fame via my Berry Blasts, to today when all of my adoring fans and followers finally get to see their idol take to a Broadway stage, you have all reminded me of just how vitally important it is to make sure I am heard. Although fame is completely necessary for survival in today’s society, I wouldn’t be here today without your constant viewing of my MySpace, and later YouTube, videos, and the literal tens of fan-mail letters that you have sent me over the years. While I still have many, many exciting fan encounters to come and that one day I will have endless gif sets, memes and adoring fan posts made in my honour but for now, I will content myself with the very special standing ovation delivered by my original fans tonight. 

★ TO MYSELF. I’m sure everyone will agree that I could hardly thank my fans and then forgo the most pivotal thank you of all. While others may have chosen to question my talents, my methods and my supposed selfishness, I have always believed in myself and fought for my right to my very own spotlight on my very own Broadway stage. I may be nervous, and a little terrified, by the prospect of finally achieving all my dreams but I know that I am going to be amazing because I am my biggest fan, supporter and activist. I would like to say a preliminary brava to moi but I’m sure, after the traditional and thrilling wait for the reviews to be published, I will only have more to celebrate and thank myself for! Today, Rachel Barbra Berry, we celebrate our very first curtain call, our very first standing ovation and, most importantly, our very first moment in the sun. 

Ultimately, I can’t quite believe that I get to go on stage tonight and show the world that I am a star because this is everything I have always dreamed of. Some people may laugh that I dreamed of my Tonys dress instead of my wedding dress but I was born with a higher calling and every time I sign my name with a gold star on the end, or fought someone for a solo in Glee that was rightfully mine, I was just one step closer to having my dreams come true. I believe I referenced the little train that could metaphor used so aptly by Joey Parnes during the highly contentious and final Berry-less Tony Awards this year as the perfect illusion to my own struggles, but I am so much more than a little train, I am Rachel Barbra Berry ★ and tonight I join the constellation of stars reserved solely for Broadway Legends!

Lots of love and stardust on the most perfect day,  Rachel Barbra Berry ★ 

(As a brief aside, I would like it noted that that specific gold star will be officially the final time I sign my name with a metaphor attached. After tonight, any and all gold stars used by me will be simply a fact and I’ve recently realised that facts can be just as important as metaphors.)

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

From what I've heard, I'm going to assume you got the part -- so congrats! Tell me about everything. What's the film about? How did the actual audition go, though?

Guess who has an audition this weekend?

It’s for a student film so it’s not really anything major, but I’m still excited for it. If you barely hear from me over the next few days it’s probably because I’m locked up somewhere with my scene partner from class making sure everything is going to be perfect. 

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

I don't know if I should be worried that you seem 100% okay with hanging out with horny people all night. Stay safe, Britt.

This just in,

I’m back from my internet break to answer all of your fun questions again. I pinky swear to answer as long as they don’t make me sad, ‘cause that’s just not fun. Tons has happened in the past few weeks, so there’s lots to ask about. For a start, I got two new jobs. The first is at a school and I get to make paper flowers all day, and since the other is in a bar, I get to hang out with really happy and horny people all night. So now I have way less time to play, but more money to buy games. Adulthood is weird. 

Anyway, I’m really glad that you’re all still here, and the internet didn’t turn to dust. That would be really sucky and super messy. How has everybody been since I left?

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

Well, I suppose that's one way of showing your "talent". Some people should simply not be able to be in a position with such power.

Apparently sleeping with the producer to get roles is something that you’re expected to do. New York, New York.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

I dare you not to sob at a Nicholas Sparks movie.

Can it be next weekend?

I just finished re-reading Nicholas Sparks’ The Best of Me, which just has me that much more excited to go see the movie adaption of the book. Someone should definitely consider going with me so I’m not all by myself in the theater. I’ll even try not to cry…much.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.’ Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors – not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

Probably should've been clearer, anyway. I'm not really good at being mysterious.

Yeah, that’s probably what they wanted to know and I can see how you could not really kiss someone then.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

He could be, but who knows? I personally cry at any sad moment in a movie, so I find it hard to not get emotional or at least feel a tear jerk every once in a while. So I mean, from my perspective, it seems nearly impossible.

Yeah, I did. I didn’t at first, but he seemed really serious about it. Was he lying?

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

How does one save their tears? Have you even felt your eyes water at any point?

Though some actors’ poor performances have left me heartbroken, I can assure you that it’s true. I save my tears for important moments, like if I were ever to die Tony-less. Movies just don’t have that effect on me.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

askthesamuelevans replied to your post: anonymous said:Have you ever kiss...

How do you not really kiss someone?

Well, I do think that the person's intention was to ask if I've kissed a girl on the lips, which I haven't--or at least don't think I have--but I mean, it's not like I haven't kissed a girl platonically on the cheek or whatever.

[asktinacohenchangrespect]

askrylynn replied to your post: anonymous said:Have you ever crie...

Jesse hasn’t. Crazy, right?!

Please. Do you actually believe that?