askmalal

[askmalal]

Created by an adherent… and we must say: it’s bangin.

[askmalal]

You are most welcome, Little Mortal.

[askmalal]

We love all of them.

[askmalal]

I know that many of you are hurting right now. Hurting and fearful.

Please know, once again, that you are loved and that you -do matter. You are not alone.

-M.

[askmalal]

At last week’s Weekly Gaming Session, most of us astrally projected...

Me: It’s good to show solidarity with the mortals you care for.

Tzeentch: Care? Please.

Hashut: Well, that’s hurtful, Tzeentch. I mean, we all should care for our followers.

Khorne: WHO ELSE IS GOING TO BRING ME SKULLS? HELL, NOW THEY HAVE TO DISINFECT THEM, POOR LITTLE THINGS.

Me: Which poor little things? The skulls or the mortals?

Khorne: CAN IT BE BOTH?

Slaanesh: I’m guessing that is why Grandfather isn’t here?

Me: It would be akward, at best....

Gary: So, I had a question.

Tzeentch: Yeah, what is it, Mickey?

Gary: *ignores this* Where...

Slaanesh: ...do babies come from? Ooh! I want to answer this one.

Gary: No. I know that answer. *shoots Tzeentch a look* Don’t you dare say you bring them in the form of a stork, either.

Hashut: Wait. Who -is- the stork, then?

Gary: No.My question ... Where is Oz. Exactly?

Me: Giving shitty medical advice on Fox News in twenty first century America, Earth.

Tzeentch: It’s merely another name for “Australia,” Danger Mouse.

Gary: No, The Land of Oz.

Slaanesh: It’s a prison show on HBO. We get cable here, you know.

Gary: *frustrated* The. Land. Of. Oz.

Me: L. Frank Baum *morphs unto the form of a black and white Boston terrier* Toto was originally one of these delightful fellas, you know.

Gary: I don’t know who that is. The Frank guy.

Me: *hops into his lap* Created the whole thing. The books. Many books. Long before the film. Well, the films, there were three or four. Few of them any good.

Gary: Ok. Well, yes, that. *scratches Boston-Terrier Malal behind the ears* Where is it? I was lead to understand that if enough mortals believe in something, that thing becomes real in the warp. You know, a fictional place that becomes real. Like, I don’t know, the world of Conan.

Slaanesh: That’s totally real. You can go there any time. Or watch it through a hole in my bathroom wall.

Gary: Why is there a hole in your...

Hashut: *interrupts* Do NOT complete that question, Gary.

Slaanesh: Aww.

Gary: Ok, well, that’s interesting to know.

Me: *does an adorable reverse sneeze* Several realities, as you know, Gerald, exist at once. Infinite, some say.

Tzeentch: There aren’t. I counted. There are thirty seven.

Me: *barks* Well, RATIONAL individuals say so, anyway. And most of those places have always been. They slip into mortal consciousness and affect their dreams, even though most who live outside them are unaware of them. Now, most have been here since the beginning. But some were created by mortal imagination, sure.

Hashut: Like which?

Me: Oh, Sesame Street and anything Muppet related.

Tzeentch: That’s where I’m Sam the Eagle!

Me: And I am every penguin.

Gary: WOW!

Me: There’s the Neighborhood of Make Believe, Discworld, the Marvel and DC Universes, Pee-Wee’s playhouse, the reality where all testimonials on those late night Infomercials is actually true....

Neocho: I own every item ever sold on “Amazing Discoveries.”

Gary: Probably the Whovian Universe?

Me: No. The Doctor is a very, very real thing.

Gary: Really?

Me: Yes. *takes the form of Roger Delgado’s master, pinches Gary’s cheek, leaps off his lap* At any rate, that and others, likely original to reality. The Old World, the Age of Sigmar, Lankhmar, Eternia for some reason. Oz... Oz is not accessible to us.

Gary: Aww... *sigh* I really wanted to get a flying monkey.

Slaanesh: *her cosmically projected form stands up* Oh my! Exciting news in the Mortal Realns, something to do with Sigmar and Karl Franz or.. whatever.

Tzeentch: You are totally going to Eternia, aren’t you?

Slaanesh: *considers, smiles, takes the form of Man-E-Faces* Yes!

*SLAANESH disappears in a fog of coconut scented body oil*

Hashut: *shudders* Poor Beastman.

Me: *turns to Gary* Oz. Totally real. Down the hall from the central nexus chamber, third staircase on the right, behind the chain, behind the sign that says “Campus Crusade for Mithras.”

Gary: Why did you tell me it wasn’t?

Tzeentch: Slaanesh is far, far too interested in Munchkins.

Gary: Oh dear.

Tzeentch: Oh yes.

Khorne: THAT POOR, POOR, LOLLIPOP GUILD.

Nuffle: *the only one of the dark gods physically manifesting for game night enters, bags of cool ranch Doritos under each arm* Hey, guys! What... we were doing this as a remote conference?!

[askmalal]

You are an assassin.

Murderers kill indiscriminately.

You are an assassin.

Murderers kill guided by emotion.

You are an assassin.

Murderers kill without purpose.

You are an assassin.

Murderers celebrate their kills.

You are an assassin.

Murderers do not serve the Master.

You are an assassin.

- The Hidden Word: The Book of Assassins, 1:1-11

[askmalal]

My reviews just keep getting better….

[askmalal]

Subscription

[askmalal]

Something really amazing happened in France, and I think it'd help us in the US to learn about it. Forgive the long read, but I think this is genuinely great both because of what happened and how.

So as some of you might have seen, in a decision historians will debate for years (mostly to figure out just WTF he was thinking, even though he is alive right now and can be asked), the French president, Emmanuel Macron, currently in power and THREE YEARS before the scheduled election, seeing the far right rise in popularity decided to dissolve the assembly and hold snap elections.

577 seats were up for grabs. Remember that number. Since half of that is 288.5, 289 seats are needed for a majority.

The first round happened last week and boy, was it bad. The far right made HUGE gains. It won or was in first place in so many races. And Macron's party ended up third!

Overall, this is how things ended up after the first round:

Far right bloc: 33%

Left bloc: 28%

Macron's centrist party: 20%

Conservatives: 7%

The way the French system works is that if a candidate gets over 50% of the vote, they win outright, and some of the far right did manage that. But, many races went to a runoff.

Immediate projections after were that the far right bloc might win anywhere from 240 to 310 seats, a catastrophe.

A shameful swing to the far right leading to the first time they'll be in power since the 1940s? Yes, but maybe not??

This is where things get interesting.

Unusually, a lot of these runoffs are 3-way, instead of a simpler 2-way choice. And in pretty much every case, that helps the far right.

So on June 30th, the night of the first round, this is how things went down:

Immediately, the left parties put out the call: anywhere they were third, they withdrew and their voters would go over to whoever was running against the far right candidate. Their goal: form a "republican front" to block the far right. The far right cannot get 289 seats.

Macron's bloc was not so...motivated. Different people put out different instructions: in some places, if they were third, they should drop out, but only to help the center left, not far left, in other places, see how far you are, only then drop out, that kind of thing.

The conservative party simply said they won't drop out and won't give their voters instruction either way in races they're not involved in.

Late night developments:

More people in Macron's party are now beginning to realize the situation and starting to coalesce around whichever candidate can beat the far right one. Prime Minister Gabriel Attal, from Macron's party, says clearly the priority is to block the far right. BUT, some Macron spokespeople on TV say they'll form a coalition only with the center left and conservatives, splitting the left bloc if needed. Some individual Macronists still saying they won't drop out, even if there's no hope of winning.

Lol.

So, now July 1st:

Only half so far. In one race, where the sister of Marine Le Pen (the far right leader and the face of their movement) was leading, the third place Macronist refused to bow out.

Excellent quote from another Macronist:

Perhaps realizing the same thing, that Macronist in the race against the Le Pen sister now drops out.

In some places, third place Macronists are dropping out DESPITE Macron bewilderingly telling them NOT to?

Halfway through the day:

Of the 311 3-way or 4-way runoffs, the number is down to 135 because of these candidates dropping out: 121 Left, 56 Macronists, 1 conservative.

Oh, there was this, in case people had any doubts about how terrible the far right are:

And to show the selflessness of the left:

July 2:

The deadline to decide if they want to stay in a runoff is today.

A dozen new third place Macronists who said they'd stay in have now dropped out. One got a call from both the PM Attal AND Macron to drop out, signalling the dawning understanding of the importance of this moment.

Even some conservative party members are now backing the left candidate who faces the far right.

A Macronist who had 30.55% of the vote in the first round and came in third to the far right's 33.11% and left's 32.73% and who would have been tempted to stay has dropped out.

The deadline to stay in or not has now passed.

Look at these far right shenanigans!

Macron still being a freaking loser:

July 3rd:

In the end, of the 311 3- or 4-way run offs, only 91 left. Some polls come out that have the far right getting between 190 to 220 seats.

July 4th:

New polls say the balance of the voting itself isn't transferring between the left and center and predictions have risen for the far right, now predicted to get between 210 and 250 seats.

July 5th:

New polls again, left voters now predicted to do better transferring vote to the centrists, decreasing the far right projections again.

However, scandalous reporting emerges: while Attal was trying to fend off the far right, Macron was not only NOT taking the far right seriously, he was undermining efforts to defeat them. His team shrugged off the first round results and celebrated a BIRTHDAY as the results were still coming in?

July 6th:

A few runoffs happened yesterday, nothing much unexpected, some left and center wins.

July 7th:

The day of reckoning. At this point, the expectations are that the far right won't come close to that 289 number but could still easily have the most seats.

GUYS.

It's over and the left are in the lead!

A LOT of cases where a leftist or centrist was 2nd in the first round and now won.

Amazing:

SO many lessons to take from this.

First, you have to vote! You have to. You can't do anything without voting. The freaking French, who'll protest for anything, are showing up to vote. If you're trying to achieve any kind of result and it's not going to happen by January 2025, you have to vote now.

But just as importantly, the left and center (and even conservative) parties made very key decisions. They were all lucky that Attal, who Macron chose, saw the big picture, bigger than indeed Macron could. A stupid selfish centrist leader could have still ruined everything if it were up to him.

TL;DR: After a disastrous first round in the national French elections where the far right was on the cusp of taking power, the left and center formed a strong coalition and through the power of voting and unity, overcame the far right AND their selfish centrist president to win.

[askmalal]

Wait a moment? You want me to share my mate with my -children-? Am I reading that correctly?

I cannot speak for the others, but I feel confident in saying “What the actual intercourse?”

Your reality has taken Pornhub far too seriously.

- 11

genuine very important question: what primarchs would be okay sharing their lady with their sons. So far I think Horus absolutely, because he loves his boys to bits and loves his woman too and why wouldn’t he want them to share. They can team up and adore and worship him, which is obviously his favourite thing.

other end of the scale - Perturabo absolutely not. He doesn’t even like his kids.

[askmalal]

if i see one more article, post, or news anchor talking about how joe biden is old, i'm putting my fist through a window. i feel like i've gone through the fucking looking glass.

this is project 2025, trump's plan for what he'll do if elected. whatever you think is in there, it's worse. watch a breakdown of the highlights here. this man wants to unravel the fabric of our democracy for good - this all aside from his vitriolic hatred of poc, his determination to start ww3, and the fact that he can't string a sentence together without telling outrageous and easily verifiable lies. his administration will start their crusade to exterminate trans people on day one, and they won't stop there.

do not talk to me about how joe biden is old, as if that could ever matter to me more than my life or the lives of my friends and family. my little sister is 14, she's trans, and i don't know what to tell her when we talk about politics, because one of these people wants her dead and the other one is old and some of you are still acting like those problems are equals.

i can't fucking stand this. i'm not hearing it this time, we are not repeating 2016. refusing to vote is not an act of protest, it is an act of complacency, and our most vulnerable will suffer for your negligence. vote like your life depends on it, because for some of us, it really fucking does.

[askmalal]

ok NOW we can all freak out marvel vfx workers voted to unionize thank god

article here

[askmalal]

ok kids repeat after me

vinegar and bleach makes chlorine gas, which is highly toxic

ammonia and bleach makes chloramine, which is highly toxic

rubbing alcohol and bleach makes chloroform, which is highly toxic

hydrogen peroxide and vinegar makes peracetic/peroxyacetic acid, which can be highly corrosive

be careful about your cleaning products and dont get yourself injured or potentially killed ok

[askmalal]

Meanwhile, I would be asking, “Why in the hell have you dropped the Sevatar story?!”

Raldoron, the first chapter master of the blood angels facing the commander of the night lords at the siege of terra

[askmalal]

“She who Thirsts?! Close your lips and reflect, perverse thing, that you have been beaten by an Acolyte of He Who Devours.”

- Micmash, Champion of Malal to Sigvald the Magnificent

[askmalal]

"Capitalism allows you to follow your dreams. Socialism forces you to give up your dreams."

Yeah. Keep telling yourself that.

[askmalal]

“One did not look upon the Immortal Emperor as a mere man.

Here was Alexander, Napoleon, Saladin. Here was Mithra, aye, and the brother of Yeshua too.

Here was a ‘man’ who had strode the Hydaspes, Austerlitz, Adrianople. A man who’d stood multiple sieges of Jerusalem, seen the carnage at Salamis, witnessed the assassination of Caesar, opposed but unable to stop it.

One did not look into the eyes of a man who had seen four thousand years; one could not. One could grovel, one could show respect, one could kneel, one could stand. But one could not merely but endure that glance without tearing one’s eyes away.

One did not look upon the Immortal Emperor as a mere man. And , Sandor suspected, that included most of his sons. “

- “Stars Asunder,” August Richter (1936)