aro-thoughts

[aro-thoughts]

When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

[aro-thoughts]

oops i accidentally queerplatonicafied your ship and aspeced your character again

[aro-thoughts]

I love soulmates but also this-

[aro-thoughts]

Plot twist: the two boys you're choosing between are polyamorous, but they also hate eachother's guts so you still have to pick one

[aro-thoughts]

sex isn't real

[aro-thoughts]

As an arospec person I am almost morbidly curious about romantic relationships. They're like unicorns prancing about in broad daylight and no one else seems to think it's weird.

"What do you mean? Everyone has a unicorn", they say. "If only they would't get me into so much trouble", they say. "Sometimes I wish I could stop the unicorn from eating my arm, but alas! there's nothing you can do about unicorns", they say.

How absolutely fascinating. And you see these "unicorns" everywhere? Tell me more!

Whenever I stare at someone for an extended period of time it's because I have left the physical realm and exist solely in a fantasy land doing something far more interesting than whatever was happening in the real world prior to said staring. And apparently for some other people that fantasy land intentionally includes the person on the receiving end of the stare?

There are sparks and butterflies and fireworks flying all over the place. Hearts are skipping beats and lungs forget how to breathe and the bones in your legs change their state of matter. Tongues are tied up and hands are shaking and brains are malfunctioning. And all of it is considered not only normal but desirable?

There are peope willing to uproot their entire lives for the sake of one person? There are people relating to the obviously fictional stories told in love songs and romance novels? There are people staying in toxic situations because they're in love, because they're told they are loved?

It sounds like magic. It sounds scary and inriguing and wonderful and absolutely crushing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out. Sometimes I'm really glad I can look at all of it from the outside. Sometimes I wonder if people forget love exists outside of romantic contexts.

Everywhere I look there are unicorns frolicking in the bushes and no one seems to realise how absurd it really is.

It gets me every time. People actually feel like that.

[aro-thoughts]

Happy Pride…2!!

[aro-thoughts]

omg cute couples post! tbh the monogamy thing would never work for me or my partner but this is cute. honestly monogamy is just like NOT something i could ever do but that's great. i hope you're both happy! personally because of MY boundaries i'd cave my own fucking skull in before trying monogamy but that's sooooo cute for you different strokes for different folks ❤️ i mean i've just had such bad experiences with monogamy that the idea disgusts and upsets me but it's so great that you only fuck each other i think that's beautiful, love is love ❤️ your relationship is just as valid as a poly one even if it upsets and frightens me, i'm glad you're somehow able to feel loved like that ❤️

[aro-thoughts]

not having sex is morally neutral. having sex is morally neutral

not engaging in romance is morally neutral. engaging in romance is morally neutral

not having friends is morally neutral. having friends is morally neutral

[aro-thoughts]

there's something so profoundly isolating about being aromantic, but not asexual. because every aromantic experience is boldly labeled an "aroace experience", or even just an "asexual experience", even when it has nothing to do with asexuality. there's no room for non-asexual aromanticism to exist. so you learn to avoid all of it.

the aromantic tag is filled with posts about asexuality, so you learn to not explore it. other aspecs assume you're asexual or imply that you "should" be, so you learn to avoid aspec spaces. other queer people accuse you of emotional abuse on the basis of your identity, so you learn to avoid queer spaces.

it doesn't feel like there's any space out there for us, any support that isn't pulled out from under us the second we say "hey, um, actually, i'm just aromantic, not aroace."

[aro-thoughts]

ill be real the "poly people are uglyyy" thing just feels like cope? like theyre in a polycule. they have directly proven that multiple people find them hot enough to want to be in a relationship, often sexual, with. you have what? one single Monogamous Jessica, and you're terrified she'll leave you as soon as she sees a rooster with bigger tail feathers?

[aro-thoughts]

Lowkey wish I could scroll the aro tag and not be bombarded with the

This post contains filtered content! #ace #asexual #Ace pride

Lke. I don't just wanna have to go to the aroallo tag chat. And can you at least be sure to talk about being aro a little? Instead of "My experiences with being asexual:" and never mentioning being aro?? Please??

And I don't wanna report It for being spam because that feels mean but. AAOOUGHHHHHH

[aro-thoughts]

I think the strangest criticism of queer ships is when people say “they’re best friends” or “they’re better as just friends” like bitch they are still best friends. They’re just also fucking. What’s not clicking?

[aro-thoughts]

it is absolutely so absurd how shipping culture has made people feel like every single aroace character must be romance and sex favorable and its a normal thing to insist to real aspec people that its not disrespectful to mass headcanon every aspec character as favorable. yes yes youre very woke for knowing that aros can date and aces can have sex but maybe its not cool that you cant handle a character that doesnt want those things and should be understood in a way that isnt via a pairing

[aro-thoughts]

isn't it fucked up that people describing their relationships get their language policed; even though it's their relationship? isn't it fucked up that most of those terms are coined by aspecs? i.e.

"my platonic polycule"

"you mean friendgroup?"

"my queerplatonic partner"

"you mean friend?"

"my sexual partner"

"you mean fuck buddy?"

"my squish-"

"your WHAT?"

it's tiring. trying to live in a world as an aspec person and seeing casual aphobia everywhere. you can't get a break. maybe ask if it affects you. are these terms offensive? are you in that relationship? is it your business? if no, shut your mouth

[aro-thoughts]

i think love is stored in nighttime conversations and “did you eat yet” and books left outside your door and “i waited to watch this with you” and splitting something in half to share and “im proud of you” and folded towels and “you can pick” and heads on shoulders and “you’re right, that was shitty. im sorry” and knocks on doors and “DINNER!” and stupid jokes and “hey i got this for you” and coffee made just right and… there are so many ways people say i love you silently every day over and over again if you only listen

[aro-thoughts]

Hey, Tumblr. Guess what. Relationships are defined by the people involved in them, and that's that. If people say they're friends, then they're friends. If people say they're dating, then they're dating. If they say it's a secret third thing, then that's what it is. Someone else's relationship isn't for you to decide.