aro-thoughts

[aro-thoughts]

do you know what community does this flag represent?

[aro-thoughts]

Does the idea of having to talk to your (hypothetical or real-life) boyfriend/girlfriend/partner every day stress you out no matter how much romantic desire you feel for them? Just the idea of that kind of maintenance required to date someone and keep interest going

[aro-thoughts]

i love you polyamorous relationships, open relationships, friends with benefits/friends that have sex with each other, queerplatonic relationships, friendships that have some weird queer element to it, relationship anarchy, staying single and i love anything that doesn't match what society considers "normal"

[aro-thoughts]

in general if you want to enjoy your ships and romantic interpretations of character dynamics without running into the territory of amatonormativity and casual fandom arophobia i think a good standard approach is if you’re going to refer to the dynamic you see as romantic, there’s just no need to bring the idea of friendship or platonic relationships into it at all! i talk a lot about how people get very habitually and jokingly mean about nonromantic relationships in a way that’s really hurtful and upsetting to me as an aromantic person, and people often get very defensive in response, how it was just a joke, it’s not that deep, it’s just shipping, etc. so my best advice if you want to continue enjoying your ships and jokes and lighthearted fun in fandom without hurting aros and others who value nonromantic relationships, just stick to uplifting what you like, and not bringing up alternatives at all!

comments like “they were so in love here” or “they’re soooo gay for each other” or “this was so romantic” might be annoying to me on the basis of standard affection or care or whatever else, but that’s a me problem and there’s nothing harmful or wrong about it. just don’t bring platonic relationships or friendships into it, because at that point that’s where the shitty behaviour arises, because that’s where the purpose is almost always to put them down in comparison. i.e. “there’s no platonic explanation for this” or “who looks at a friend like that” or “sure they’re juuuust friends [based on some degree of intimacy or care or concern etc]”

you can have fun and enjoy your ships and make lighthearted jokes and posts without being amatonormative and casually arophobic!! it’s perfectly possible and easy. when in doubt you just don’t need to reference nonromantic relationships in your ship posts at all. celebrate what you enjoy! don’t put down what you don’t.

[aro-thoughts]

As someone who's been a lover of traditional folk music from the British Isles for several decades, one thing I've learned is that "True Love" didn't always mean what you think it means. In the older songs, "true love" is not some mystical quality, some type of connection that is magically better than other Loves. No. A love that is "true" merely means that your Love is "true TO YOU." "True" as in faithful and loyal and trustworthy. A lover who will stand by you and with you no matter what comes. True the way a good sword is True. True the way a good knight is loyal. The contrast is "False Love," which is a lover who betrays you, who cannot be trusted.

"True Love" isn't something you find, it's a vow and a choice that you make, every day, to BE TRUE.

[aro-thoughts]

enemies to lovers but it's me and myself

[aro-thoughts]

I just think dating is a scam like 90% of the time. Joker voice And I'm tired of pretending it's not

[aro-thoughts]

just a handy little info chart on the spectrums of sexuality.

[aro-thoughts]

the entire year is aro pride year and anyone who says otherwise will be sent to the sun

[aro-thoughts]

what is it with other aspecs grossly misunderstanding aplatonicism? at this point some of it feels deliberate. like you can understand that asexuality is experiencing little to no sexual attraction, but you think aplatonicism is just people who can’t make friends wanting to feel better about themselves by calling themselves part of the queer community. now where have i heard that before? surely it’s not hard to extrapolate that it would just be people who experience little to no platonic attraction. you understand that asexuality is not simply “can’t get laid” pride, so surely you can understand that aplatonicism isn’t simply “friendless (negative)” pride

[aro-thoughts]

it breaks my heart when i read aces talk about how afraid they are of not being able to find a partner who is okay with never having sex. it is not okay that sex is upheld as something that defines a partner relationship, as the highest/best/most loving form of affection, or as inherently good. it is one potential part of a relationship, among many other potential activities.

people who insist that asexuals who have these fears are oversexualizing non-aces aren’t helping anyone unless they are helping to build a world where no one tells asexual people that they are unreasonable for wanting a partner to respect their “no.” a world where narratives of partner-relationships include relationships that explicitly do not involve sex. a world where everyone’s sexual agency is respected.

it’s not unreasonable to demand that potential partners respect your sexual boundaries. you are allowed to have the boundary of “no sex, ever,” whether you’re asexual or not. there are non-asexual people who would be okay with relationships with no sex, ever. you deserve to have your boundaries respected by any partner you have.

[aro-thoughts]

i don't think media is as lacking for deep platonic relationships as many people like to think, but i will always be suspicious of people who only go 'but why can't they just be friends' wrt queer ships while remaining quiet in regards to het ones.

[aro-thoughts]

I know 'no homo' is an extremely outdated and unnecessary term but can we please keep 'no romo'

Like just for the aros.

Please. Please I want to keep saying no romo cause it's really funny to me. Like bro kiss me. No romo though. Let's go on a date no romo

will you accept my hand in marriage no romo

they lived together 40 years but absolutely no romo

[aro-thoughts]

The best way I can describe to an allo person how you feel about sex as a topic as a sex-repulsed or averse asexual is that it feels like a hype that never ends. As though Despicable Me came out and everyone around you was sending minion facebook memes to each other for years to come. The stores are full of minion themed products; they're in ads and your friends talk about them all the time. And deep in your heart you're like "I'm glad that they're able to enjoy something I personally don't like and am not interested in :3". But there is always this little voice in the back of your head that's like "If I have to see ONE MORE of these little yellow FUCKERS today then God help us all." You make an active choice to communicate only the former.

[aro-thoughts]

As someone nonpartnering, I'm always dancing on the razor's edge of relating to and having no patience for "forever alone" sentiments from alloro single people.

Because on the one hand, to be perfectly honest, yes, I am lonely! And while there's numerous factors involved in that, my being single is one of them. It's hard not to feel isolated as a single adult and I'm very cognizant of my friends, coworkers, family members etc... who have this whole category of social life that I do not.

However. While if someone individually happens to want a partner, that's fine and well and good, but 'everyone must partner off' cannot continue to be the broader social model. If your mentality is 'I'll get a romantic partner and that'll be that', then you're contributing to the problem -- for both yourself and everyone else.

Community has to be the real focus. When I think about combatting loneliness, I think about universal basic income and affordable housing, walkable neighbourhoods and robust public transit, free community events (both in-person and online), access to high-quality affordable healthcare, access to public restrooms, etc...

Even if we woke up tomorrow to find sudden cultural acceptance of permanent singlehood as an option, I and many other people would still be lonely! We need to support social infrastructure outside of romantic relationships and nuclear families at the policy level. If you have to work multiple jobs to afford a place to live or if you have a 2 hour commute because the local bus service sucks or if the best spot in town to meet new people is an accessibility nightmare, all of these things are going to stifle community and we're still going to be lonely. I genuinely do sympathize with the plight of the single alloro, but there has to be an understanding that your individual loneliness is not the end of the line.

[aro-thoughts]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[aro-thoughts]

Ppl will say being AroAce is boring but personally I think the fact that I'm not like a majority of people and have a different experience of the world than them makes me rather unique and interesting.