apatheticaggo

[apatheticaggo]

I’d escape

I would

If you couldn’t follow

If I knew it would

Allow me to achieve peace with my sorrows

If I gained a morsel of time

To grapple with my grief.

To wrestle with my mind.

I don’t think I’ll be a better me

In the future when we meet

Probably, maybe, just a more somber me.

Looking for growth

I see it hanging from a tree

It’s ripe for the taking

But I think … I’ll hang with it.

[apatheticaggo]

You are mine. And I am yours.

I was waiting years before

I met you…

How wrong I was

Before you

Now your here and so am I

I can’t picture a better life

Without you…

It be wrong

After you…

After you showed up for some tea

I couldn’t stop smiling

Just the two of us laughing

As the camera zoomed in

That’s the part of the movie

Where you know it truly

Begins…

When she smiles back

After he tells a joke

She grabs his arm

And pulls him close.

The chemistry…

Ooooooohhhhhhh the chemistry ….

Oh without you darling

I seem to stare more often

Wondering what’s wrong…

But it don’t take

Long…

For you

For you

My dear

For you

For you

Arnt near

That’s what’s bothering me here….

Camera zoomed out to fade to black…

The last image the audience has to react to…

Our hands…

Clasped and stuck together …

Like glue.

[apatheticaggo]

its been to long

since I've been close to you 

even when I embrace you 

it feels like you escape me 

no wonder they don’t set bail 

the flight risk 

the heart breaking 

you said I wasn’t close enough 

and you were in my skin! 

so I truly don’t know where to begin 

how to find the words to tell you 

that your embrace has alluded me 

that the comfort I seek 

isn’t that between your legs

or between your sheets

if we embraced on the streets 

for a moment, in solidarity 

I would ask that we be 

there so long in our embrace

that they construct a replica

exactly how we were, it should be made

it has thrown everyone off, their day to day 

the moment we decided to release 

cause it feels like eternity 

so they are confused to see 

nothing there now 

so a statue must be erected 

and ill cry, “ IT IS A TOKEN OF OUR LOVE” 

and no one will understand

but I will 

and my heart will 

and so do I wake 

my dreams scream to me 

of things I wish of being 

like something in a city park 

for everyone to see 

something solid and metal 

that will be there forever 

maybe that will lax my fears

until once again, I can 

hold you 

my dear

[apatheticaggo]

it’s kind of debilitating not holding you. 

[apatheticaggo]

i run towards you

all you did was ask 

i never thought why 

you took up all of my mind. 

[apatheticaggo]

One grey check mark Continuing after hours As I lay here in the dark Reading all the words That never were read My dream come true I guess you could say Word written in secret That won’t see light of day I profess and confess Only to see grey With every message I send Yet I am not dissuaded Instead i just come out and say it

Though you may never see me My heart is still being held By your hands this evening. How lucky a man I am. A flame like no other Several lifetimes to discover Though you’ll never read me I send sweet dreams to you My lover …..

[apatheticaggo]

When I can’t sleep. I do a number of things.

Read.

Write.

Tok scrolling

Tumblr scrolling

Music (always reminds me of you)

And then I’m upset. Because all I wanted was a distraction. Something to give me reprieve for one night. When all I wanted in the first place was to hold you.

Instead I stay up

Reading about what I can do to get you back

Writing poetry about you

scrolling through an algorithm of ups and downs emotionally.

Just to stop on a song I’ve never heard that makes me think of you…

[apatheticaggo]

I laugh as you cry. I do. For I waited for it all to catch up to you. You know it was only a matter of time. Till that lie you conjured withered and died. Till the loops on the knot fell to the side. Hahahah I watched your joy burn. I was in misery watching for months. You skipped and held hands. You laughed and danced. I saw you kiss. *spits at the ground* you are disgusting.

So I silently waited. Plotting and taking all of the calculations to heart.

Yes I weighted the scales and measured your tells and then went after your heart.

Hahhaa

You were to dim witted when you were smitten. You truly made this a breeze.

And now that you have been found out no one’s happier than meeeeeee.

I wonder?

How long I will keep you here.

Under my cloud of control.

See your emotions confuse you. You try so hard, yet you make the wrong moves.

A little hope and a dash of chance and all we will need is the rope.

Tie your hands behind your back.

Set for you another trap.

This heart I take as my own.

You are non the wiser, and I might add to quick to love. Makes my job easier, truly you should just give up.

I will be more patient.

Strike when most opportune.

You’ll be grandiose!

How you love a routine.

But real love couldn’t be.

NOT WHEN YOUR WITH ME…..

HhahahahHhHh

[apatheticaggo]

If you ever wish to read

Of my internal hearts bear

The chaotic ramblings

Of a mind that overthinks

Then lucky you to be here

Where few ever seek

And if it pleases you

I’ll leave you to peer

Up and down the list

Of things I choose to forget

For your opinion I fear

So I shall slip on a cloak

And let you slip

Into my dispare

[apatheticaggo]

The mistakes we make

The ones we learn from

That changes the state

Of our mind and actions

Those are the mistakes worth making.

[apatheticaggo]

If I lied to you right now how would you know?

When I tell you the truth, will you think I’m lying ?

[apatheticaggo]



I’m enjoying life alone.

I just thought it would be fun with you too.

[apatheticaggo]

Secretively

I am waiting for it to fail

For you to fall apart

For him to break your heart

It not go all that well

Ok

Not so hard to see it

I don’t really keep it

Bottled down way to far

I’m always happier

When you tell me

All the things he fucks ups

Like your coffee in the morning

Just a dash of creamer hunny

Spoon full of sugar

Is he really even trying

Glass of wine when ya get home

The dinners already been done

It’s ok if your not hungry

You just need to start unwinding

I got the kids you go relax

You need an hour to be back

To your natural state of being

Did he run the bath with a bomb

Play that playlist with your favorite songs

I bet he doesn’t rub your back

Or play with your hair

So you can sleep all night long

Oh no.

I bet he doesn’t do any of those things

Doesn’t rub your feet while your phone rings

Without the expectations of reciprocation

I’m just waiting for him to leave

It’s a secret not so much

That I hope you’re not in love

That he continues to mess

It all up.

[apatheticaggo]

If I tell myself that this will get better, all I did was just lie to myself.

What’s worse than lying to yourself?

[apatheticaggo]

Sometimes I don’t wanna exist

Then I think I’d probably lose it

I think of you and the kids

How would the end begin, let’s

Pretend that I didn’t mean that

I wish that I could take back

All the regrets that we had

I know this is a long shot

But you are all that I got

I don’t wanna move on

Toooooo late

You’re already gone.

[apatheticaggo]

Will you be mine

I’m asking all the time

Will you see me tonight

Where are you going after nine

Don’t let me slip away

For the thousandth time

I know that you would have stayed

If I could just control this mind

Tired of the fucking feelings

That you create inside of me

Want a god damn happy ending

This world makes it seem so fleeting

Wanna carve your name in my chest

Let the blood pooling say I’m a mess

I couldn’t have wrote this any better

Tattoos of you to remind me

Your my scarlet letter

I don’t wake up thinking of me

I wake up regretting everything

Don’t live life though these eyes

They only see what could be my

Next scarlet letter

Tip toe through the rooms

Thinking that you are sleeping

Find out you are threw

And left in the morning

Had another good night

Without a single word or fight

I thought this was the turning point

But I guess that’s a lie

I don’t

Think we

Ever became

More than

we could be

What a

Tragedy !!!

I don’t wake up thinking of me

I wake up regretting everything

Don’t live life though these eyes

They only see what could be my

Next scarlet letter

[apatheticaggo]

Waiting

For you to call

I’ll be waiting

For a long time

Stalling

So I won’t text

I’ve been trying

To see what’s next

Breathe

So that I’ll live

I don’t want to

What’s the point of it

Every time we see each other

Our eyes seem to lock on one another

I read your mind and what you really think

You read my body and only see pain

Will this end

I begin

To wonder out loud

Not to any friends

Just to strangers

At a bar

I like to play pretend

Like they know it

All

They give me advice

I drink and roll eyes

So much wisdom in this whiskey

Yet we all drink hoping

That someone misses all of us