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annieminx · 19 days ago

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stupid in love

husband!zhongli x gn!reader — fluff

synopsis: you're a talkative drunk and zhongli is in love.

content warning: reader is drunk and mentioned to have hair (lmk if i missed anything !)

notes: NOT PROOFREAD <3 ; zhongli is a wonderful lover but let's not forget that he is also canonically a menace 🫶 ; i'm writing and posting as much as i can rn bc i'll be inactive this week because of exams 😭

zhongli can't recall a time when he felt this helpless.

as the geo archon, he possesses the strength of a thousand meteors raining from the sky and has emerged victorious from numerous battles. his voice has commanded countless armies and his hands formed the towering mountains liyue is well-known for today. he is a respectable leader who can devise efficient strategies to overcome any obstacle he may face.

however, at this moment, he is not rex lapis, the god of contracts and liyue's archon. he is the simple zhongli, the funeral consultant of the wangsheng funeral parlor and, above everything, your husband.

tonight, his duty is to get you home. unfortunately for him, you don't seem to want to comply.

you notified him this morning that you and your co-workers would be going out for drinks that night to celebrate a successful business deal, with the promise that you would be monitoring how much you'll drink. while he had his doubts, he trusted that you would have a sense of rationality regardless of if you were sober or not and didn't question you further.

in hindsight, he supposes he should have enforced his doubts when he bumped into a co-worker of yours as he clocked out of work, who sounded tipsy, yet sober enough to inform him that you were currently drunk off your mind and needed help getting home.

that is exactly how he found himself trying to calm down a drunk you on the streets of liyue.

you threw yourself onto him the moment he arrived, not even bothering to bid goodnight to your acquaintances who were putting a group effort into keeping you balanced. after zhongli thanked them for finding him and wished them farewell in your stead, they took their leave. as they turn to head to their respective homes, they could hear you loudly thanking your lover for coming get you.

while the area was significantly less populated at night compared to during the day, the unusual sight of the normally collected funeral consultant struggling to bring his drunkenly rambling spouse home caught the attention of whoever was in the vicinity, causing an embarrassed blush to spread to his face which he ultimately chose to ignore.

his experience as a god and warrior never could have prepared him for this situation, he surmises.

meanwhile, you catch the look of powerlessness on his face and stifle a laugh.

“heh, you look so stupid right now~!”

zhongli gapes at you as you burst into a fit of giggles.

“my husband~ so silly~ so dumb~” your hands reach out and cup his face before he has the chance to pull back.

he merely stares at you as you sing what he wants to believe are praises in your drunken tongue. at this distance—or rather, the lack thereof—he can see your details more clearly; your hair is disheveled and eyes droopy. your gaze is unfocused yet fixated on the way his skin squishes under your thumb.

but he thinks you're beautiful nonetheless. the glow of the street lanterns frame your figure and he thinks you look akin to the radiant sun. moonlight shines down upon you and its gleam creates the illusion of you emitting a halo. he takes these as signs from the universe, reminding him to cherish you with his entire being, for they have sent him their best. he is certain that whatever celestia can offer does not hold a candle to you.

this god of stone crumbles to dust from your touch alone…

while you busy yourself with poking and pinching his cheeks.

he regains awareness of the situation and breaths a resigned sigh. you watch his face soften and shift to an expression that almost looks pleading, and you gasp loudly.

“ooh! so handsome!!!” you squeal, attracting even more onlookers. “i want to kiss you on the mouff—”

zhongli beats you to it, placing a hand behind your head and gently leaning in for a kiss as deep as his adoration for you. you think your knees would have buckled if it weren't for the arm he had wrapped around your waist. you think you hear some of the lady passersby coo at your display of romance, but the echo of your heartbeat in your ears drowns them out.

his lips move slowly against yours, savoring the flavor of the bitter remnants of alcohol mixed with the sweetness of your lips. he doesn't think he's ever tasted a flavor as divine as this.

you are dazed when he pulls away, as though bewitched. he notices and chuckles, eyes full of mirth and tenderness as they peer into yours.

he speaks up, almost breathless. “you look very…”

no, no, no! if he starts charming and complimenting you after all that, you might think you’ll consider marrying him for a second time—

“...stupid right now, my love.”

you blink once. twice.

then you burst.

“you…!”

you thrash in his hold and bury your face in his chest, feeling a bashful warmth rise to your face for the first time tonight.

“you can't pull that on me! so mean…” you mumble into the lapel of his coat.

he chuckles again, more heartily this time. ugh, darn that handsome laugh…

“i apologize, my love.” you sense a teasing lilt, but you can tell he's sincerely coaxing you. a hand remains on the back of your head as you lean against him, fingers softly running through the strands of your hair.

zhongli remains that way, patiently waiting for your emotions to settle. when he hears you meekly mutter his name, he turns to you in his hold.

“yes, dearest?”

“...let's go home, please?”

he mentally sighs in relief. externally, he calmly adheres to your request with a nod. “then we shall head home at once.”

he pulls away to position you so that you are held onto his arm as he leads you home, acting as your support while you keep yourself upright.

the walk home is neither dull nor quiet as you relentlessly babble about any and every topic that you can think of. you sway and stumble over the rocky pavement, but your incredibly attentive husband would never let you fall. frankly, he'd be more than happy to carry you if you asked.

a thought briefly flashes in his mind concerning how he's going to peacefully get you washed up and tucked in bed, but one look at you chatting away into the night and he supposes that he can afford to save those worries for after arriving home. until then, he entertains your mindless chatters with hums of acknowledgement and short quips as you walk arm in arm.

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annieminx · 20 days ago

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12 Blowbang

Zhongli x Reader / NSFW / Not canon-compliant / Reader is an adventurer / Dark mud doing weird things / Body horror (?) / Reader hallucinates about having a blowbang with her crush and it somehow turns into a live show for Zhongli / Trust me, it makes sense lol

You coughed uncontrollably as the heavy dust settled. Parts of the domain had already collapsed by the time you had entered it. You should've thought twice about continuing the expedition then, but the two of you had already come too far to turn back now.

"Did you see that?" You asked Zhongli.

Either you were hallucinating now, or something really had moved up ahead. You turned around, expecting to find the Wangsheng consultant right behind you.

"Zhongli?" You called out to him.

Nothing answered you but resounding echoes of your own voice. You drew in a shaky breath. Great. Somehow, you had managed to get separated from your companion in this underground labyrinth.

The narrow passageways were illuminated by wall sconces that emitted a pale blue glow. You removed one of the torches from their mounts to take with you in case you entered an area without ample light. Every so often, a puddle of strange black sludge would appear in your path and you would have to carefully maneuver around it. The stench and popping noises made your skin crawl. Upon observation, the mud seemed to boil and drink in any light that came near, including the stone torch in your hand. It didn't take a genius to figure out that you should not let that stuff touch your skin.

This was not your first time exploring the Dunyu ruins. As a seasoned Adventurer, you were well aware of the dangers that lurked in places like these. Rather than fear and avoidance, your passion for exploring the unknown always persevered. As your good friend Zhiqiong used to say, it's a personal choice. You could stay in the city, get a mundane job and live in safety and monotony, or you could pursue the secrets of the world and bear witness to sights that few have the courage to find.

Zhongli was someone you never expected would join you on an expedition, but his knowledge on the mysterious Dunyu Ruins proved invaluable to you. He possessed a vision also, so up until you got separated from him, you had never felt safer down here.

The familiar sound of bubbling drifted into your ears, signifying another puddle of mud up ahead. The smell was concentrated, meaning this one was larger than the others you had encountered. You held up your torch, only for it to immediately dim. In panic, you pulled it back quickly. The brief light revealed that the passage in front of you was completely covered in black sludge. You had two choices, turn back or walk through it.

With a heavy heart, you turned around. Suddenly, a hissing sound emited from the ground. The light of your torch dimmed even more. While you were preoccupied with the sludge ahead, a puddle had formed right behind you, cutting off your exit. A wave of nausea came over you as you hurriedly made your way over the inky sludge. Your torch was almost completely dead by the time you cleared the distance. Luckily, you made it back far enough to where the wall sconces were still brightly lit. Without delay, you swapped out your dim torch for a bright one and continued back the way you had come in search of your companion.

"Zhongli?" You shouted, a bit of shakiness tainting your voice. "Can you hear me?"

The more you shouted, the more you inhaled whatever questionable gases were permeating the air. Another bout of sizzling met your ears. You had stepped into another puddle. They seemed to be popping up everywhere now, as if actively attempting to corner you.

You turned a corner, then another. Head spinning and face burning with an unnatural flush, you finally stumbled into a large open cavern. An enormous pool of black sludge covered half of the ground. At the edge stood a familiar figure.

"Zhongli? Archons… I finally found you!"

You ran up to him and threw your arms around him from behind, so relieved that you forgot that you and Zhongli were only mere acquaintances. Truth was, you were one of the handsome consultant's many admirers. When he offered to accompany you, your heart nearly leapt out of your chest. It wasn't like you never imagined getting trapped in a domain with your crush like a scene from one of the Inazuman light novels you indulged in from time to time. You just never actually considered something like this could actually happen to you.

The vapors rising from the sludge made your head swim. Zhongli was surprisingly unfazed by the effects of the black substance. Fortunately, your senses weren't completely silenced. A cold draft rippled through your body and intense bubbling met your ears. You shuttered, looking down. You didn't even realize the lamp in your hand had fallen into the mud. Your feet were glued in place, legs covered in the inky substance all the way up to your knees.

All of a sudden, you could feel another presence behind you. A third figure had materialized out of nowhere. There was not nearly enough light for you to see who these other individuals were. Three pairs of glowing amber eyes stared down at you all at once. One of the figures even had a pair of horns sprouting from his head.

"Zhongli? What's going on?" You asked in a small voice.

Your companion had not uttered a single word since you reunited with him. He looked right into your eyes, gaze hallow, apathetic even. You trembled under the unwavering stare. A bottomless abyss beckoned to you, waiting to swallow you whole.

The black sludge had already soaked into your skirt. Everywhere it touched, your skin tingled. Fogginess invaded your mind again and your breathing grew heavier by the second. Zhongli placed a hand on your face. The sensation came with a wet coldness. You stood there in a daze, letting your warmth drain through your skin and into his body. The next thing you knew, cold lips were pressed against yours. The sensation had you shivering. You felt a hand splay across your waist, seeping underneath your shirt. The tingling followed, spreading everywhere you were being touched. In an instant, your senses were overwhelmed and your mind was in disarray. A feverish warmth bloomed within you.

The horned figure pressed against your body from behind, lips descending on your neck. You writhed, letting out a startled gasp. The remaining figure, the hooded one, made his way over to you as well. The faint glow of his golden irises rendered his face visible to you once he was close enough. You turned your head, eyes falling on the horned figure behind you. He too had Zhongli's face.

You heard your name being called, but none of the three figures had opened their lips. Every inch of fabric covering your body had been soaked through by the dark mud. It gradually rearranged your body, bending your knees underneath you. An icy hand grabbed your jaw, forcing your lips to part. Another held your head up by grasping your hair. Your eyelids were sealed shut by cold, wet sludge. It dripped down your face and into your lips.

Something thick and hard slapped against your cheek. You made a muffled sound as the object was shoved into your mouth. It throbbed as you begrudgingly sucked on it, resulting in an explosion of wet and cold liquid spilling down your throat. You choked on the unexpected sensation, throat convulsing uncontrollably. The object was finally pulled out, allowing you to draw breath just before another was shoved in its place. The lack of light made it impossible for you to make out what it was you were taking into your mouth, but each one was larger than the last. You moaned helplessly as your mouth was stuffed full and pumped with a fresh load of whatever it was you've been swallowing. It didn't taste like anything you've ever had, cold and unsettling. You struggled not to gag as your throat was being invaded. The heat in your body had not dispersed, getting more intense as your mouth was used repeatedly, without any regard or rest.

A whimper emitted from your lips, currently wrapped around a large shaft. Shallow ribs dug into the inside of your mouth and throat. The sensation was undeniably erotic. By now, you could already tell what it was you were sucking on. A feverish blush spread over your cheeks.

How was this even happening? So many things were wrong with this scenerio. The gentle and reserved consultant you knew would never do such obscene acts to you. So all of this must somehow be happening within your own head. You were the one subconsciously asking to be treated this way. Why were you seeing three of him though? And how were you conjuring him in clothing you had never seen him in before? None of this made any sense to you, especially that one version of him with horns sprouting from his head. That could not have actually been the consultant. Even if you had fallen into the clutches of hallucination, your respect and admiration for your companion helped you to retain a shred of your consciousness.

You choked on yet another mouthful of cum, but the coldness had you suspecting it was anything but that. The inky substance covering your body had a similar temperature and consistency. How much of it had you swallowed?

A concerned voice called out your name from somewhere above you.

You moaned weakly. The sludge covering your lips and tongue prevented you from forming any coherent words.

"My dear, this is not good… If you can hear me, follow my voice."

Reality and hallucination blended at the edges. Your heart beat with renewed strength. You breathed heavily, summoning the willpower to push away the hands that had your body pinned to the ground. It was a desperate struggle, since your captor was a formless pool of liquid that sought to infiltrate you through every hole and crevice it could access. As you crawled in the direction of the voice, the sludge seemed to have grown a mind of its own, pursuing you like a predator stalking its escaping prey.

"That's it. Just a little further, dear." The voice guides you with an assuredness that defies all your fears.

You reach out, but as soon as you raised your hand, several cold and wet hands emerge from the sludge and pull it down. Even now, you could feel if trying to enter you through your lips. You felt around blindly with your hands, searching desperately for the source of the voice. The closer you got, the more familiar it sounded.

"My hand is right in front of you. Take it."

Zhongli? You could hear him clearly now. The deep and comforting sound of his voice filled you with hope. Your hand caught his and for the first time in a while, you felt something that was neither wet or cold. With a heave, he tugged your entire body out of the black sludge, droplets scattering in the air like loose beads. The wet blindfold over your eyes snapped, disintegrating as it fell. You collapsed on the ground beside Zhongli, vomiting and coughing up the bits you had ingested. The edge of the sludge had retreated, as if sulking from the defeat. It left behind a clearing with dry stone between you and the exit.

"How are you feeling, dear? That must've been quite frightening, wasn't it?" Zhongli comforted you, stroking your back as you threw up everything you had swallowed.

Frightening yes, you thought, but there was also an element of indulgence that you were hesitant to share with your oblivious companion. He would be disgusted with you if he found out what exactly was going on inside your head while the sludge was trying to take you. You couldn't even say you put up a fight. It was as if the sludge could read your mind, presenting itself in a recognizeable form, Zhongli in your case, and manifesting a scenario where you would willingly give up all resistance. It just so happened you had a crush on your companion, found him undeniably attractive and couldn't help imagining certain things happening between the two of you in these dark and unpredictable places.

"I'm fine now." You panted, catching your breath now that you had the chance.

"I was afraid I had found you too late. Here, put this on." He shrugged off his coat and handed it to you.

It was only then that you glanced down at your own body and realized the state of your clothes. The sludge must've had a corrosive affect on the fabric. Whole stretches had been eaten through, leaving patches of skin exposed. There were faint burn marks on some areas of your body, mostly your legs since they had been submerged the longest.

"Thank you." You wrapped the coat around your body tightly. "Did you see anything when you got here? Or was everything I saw just my imagination?"

It took every drop of your willpower to ask this one question. You held your breath as you waited on his answer, which would either make you wish you had actually been swallowed up by the sludge or relieved he got to you in time.

An unreadable expression settled briefly over Zhongli's face. He coughed unnaturally, something he only did when he struggled to express the words he wanted to say.

The bottom fell from your stomach.

"The dark mud that flows through these ruins is more potent compared to that which is found in the Chasm due to its distance from the Celestial Nail. Without the nail to supress the abyssal corruption here, it may take on certain forms in order to lure in potential victims so that it may grow…"

Your face had gotten even redder in the time he took to give that explanation. "So it's all just abyssal corruption… It wasn't actually real, right? You didn't actually see anything, did you?"

"I…" Zhongli drew in a shallow breath, suddenly unable to look you in the eye. A rare flush dusted his cheeks. "I did indeed."

You fell silent as your greatest fear was proven true.

"Oozing concretions will sometimes assume physical form in order to propagate and absorb energy. What you experienced was a mere projection of the knowledge it had assimilated from your mind as well as those it had gathered from before you. That includes mines as well…" He spoke calmly, but his words were anything but calming.

"It got you too?" You asked, momentarily distracted from your own embarrassment.

Zhongli nodded. "I suspected there was a substantial amount of abyssal corruption here so I had done some observations by myself prior to this excursion. Unfortunately, I had stepped into the mud while fighting off some enemies and as a result of that mishap, left behind some remnants of my memory. The other appearances of me that you did not recognize were all forms I had taken in the past. There is much I have not told you about myself. If you care to know more, I can tell you, but here is certainly not the place."

You agreed, leaving behind the dark mud that had nearly swallowed you. It was already dark out when you exited the underground ruins. The shadows hid the uncertainty on your face. Your heart hammered away inside your ribcage with every step you took beside Zhongli. Your fingers folded incessantly against each other inside your sleeves.

His words confirmed that he had seen all the things you had, including what his projections had been doing to you before he intervened and dragged you out. How was he still walking beside you with that soft smile on his lips? Didn't he find what he saw disturbing and disrespectful? Your confusion was warranted. He was acting like he didn't mind you having sexual fantasies about him.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." You uttered under your breath. "Let's pretend we don't known each other if it makes things too uncomfortable."

He stole a glance at you, sighing. "When you invited me to join you on this trip, I presumed that you were ready… I was glad. Do you truly not see the possibility, even after all that has happened between us today?"

Your breath caught in your throat, ears ringing with the words that had just come out of Zhongli's mouth. Can you imagine being with him? Of course, you could imagine him in all sorts of ways. That's all you ever did, imagine it. Zhongli, as your lover? In all your years of knowing this man, he never struck you as someone who was looking for a romantic relationship. You even teased him for having a rock for a heart, despite how kind and personable he had always been to you and all those around him.

"It worries me every time you venture off into such places." His hand brushes against yours, enveloping it firmly in his grasp. "You prefer to travel alone. As so, I cannot be certain that you made it back safely until I see you in person. Each time you return, you bring stories of what you had experienced while away."

"You're a good listener." You remarked.

Zhongli enjoyed listening to stories just as much as he loved telling them. That was how the two of you had gotten along so well. His stories inspired you and yours were equally compelling to him. Between the two of you, there were endless conversations to be had.

"I would much rather witness these stories first-hand. If you would allow me to, that is." He drew in a heavy breath. The grip around your hand tightened. "I can't help but fear that something would happen, like today. It would forever rob me of the chance…"

"Zhongli, I…" You were too flustered to even begin stringing together your scattered thoughts.

Zhongli's free hand rose up to cup your cheek. You sucked in an unsteady breath, heart beating rapidly with his every word. The touch was gentle, careful as if he was afraid of spooking you. His face hovered over yours, breath tickling your nose.

"I cannot be satisfied being a simple acquaintance to you." He confessed, lips a mere whisper from yours. "Being a friend will not do it either. Do you understand?"

Your eyes fluttered shut as you nodded. His lips descended on yours, pressing into them with unexpected fervency. Your breaths dissolved into sighs, lips melting into his. It was nothing like the kiss you experienced back in the ruins with his projection. His lips were warm and soft against yours. Even though you could taste a hint of urgency in them, it caused your chest to tighten with a satisfying ache.

Zhongli held you firmly in place with a hand at the small of your back. His lips caressed yours slowly, drawing them between his own and sucking on them gently in an almost deliberate show of restraint. Your knees grew weak as the seconds turned into minutes. He finally released you after you let out a little whine, pushing at his chest.

He chuckled, seeing how breathless you were from a mere kiss.

"You trying to suffocate me?" You pouted, face flushed with an alluring dash of pink.

"It would take something else to do that." He replied without a drop of sarcasm. "Come to think of it, you have quite the wild imagination, darling. If I did not see it with my own eyes, I would never believe it."

Zhongli's thumb brushed against your puffy bottom lip, which had received most of his attention. His eyes darkened at the vivid memory of what these sweet lips of yours had been doing when he found you. He had only ever dared to picture them pouting and smiling at him while in conversation, so seeing you on your knees with your mouth stuffed full of his cocks was nothing short of bizarre. Even after emerging from the domain, he was still having trouble wrapping his mind around what he had seen. How would he go about seeing you this often if that image would surface in his mind without warning?

While he was undoubtedly glad to have witnessed that scene, since it banished all doubts in his mind of you merely wanting to keep things platonic, he also wished he hadn't seen it. To have such an intimate fantasy of yours revealed to him, you must've been humiliated.

"Why, are you intimidated?" You challenged with a giggle. "I'm not easy to satisfy."

He hummed in approval. It looked like the kiss had helped you get over the initial embarrassment quite well. If you could accept his proposal of becoming closer than friends, then what had happened in the domain today would be less of a thorn between the two of you.

"Why would I be, hmm? If you wish to reenact such a performance, I can oblige. Perhaps it's still a bit too soon, but I can make that promise nonetheless."

"You're not human, are you, Zhongli?" You asked warily, recalling that one of his projections took the form of a horned adeptus.

Zhongli nodded. "That is correct."

You sucked in a breath, mind drifting back to how different that particular version of him was from the Zhongli standing in front of you this very moment. For one, he was much taller and possessed a long scaly tail and glowing amber horns. More specifically, he was rather unique down there in a way that made your heart race and your face flush. You had always been an adventurous soul, in all matters of speaking. Bedroom activities were no exception.

"How accurate is the mud?" You asked him.

Zhongli's eyes glowed with simmering intensity. "I suppose you can find out when the time comes."

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