alone-with-words

[alone-with-words]

“It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.”

— Rob Bell

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“You will never have to question my loyalty.”

— Unknown

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“My biggest regrets in life are being too damn nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and making unworthy people a priority.”

— Unknown

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I’m a suicidal mess right now.

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- f.k.q

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“You will never have to question my loyalty.”

— Unknown

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“Who taught you how to hate yourself?”

I learned it from my parents.

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I'm Tired But Dying Seems To Be More Work

Suicide is a commitment. 

One I continuously fantasize about fulfilling. 

I want to die but conveniently.

What’s the most peaceful way to go…

For everyone else?

I'm suicidal without committing suicide.

I’ve thought about laying amongst the train tracks, 

Letting the stars be my last sight before I go. 

I don’t know if people actually see a bright light or not.

I suppose mine would be fact,

such blinding train lights.  

Except I can't allow myself to do such a thing to the conductor.

How is it fair to him?

Forcing him to do something I can’t?

I thought about picking a beautiful, sturdy tree. 

Full of life, vibrant green leaves. 

But whoever finds me will suffer with the image of my swinging body.

Ruining an innocent tree’s reputation. 

Wrecking someone’s favorite shady spot. 

A reminder of death instead of a seasonal change indicator. 

An unmarked grave instead of a child’s jungle gym. 

I thought about my pills. 

From an immense amount of research I don’t think my dosage is strong enough. 

I don’t need this to fail. 

I don’t need to be told it was a cry for help.

That I lacked attention. 

That it didn’t work for a reason, my destined second chance. 

Vertically cut down my wrist.

Isn’t an option.

Not because of the pain but because 

I can’t fathom the thought of someone I love finding me.

Remembering that sight every time they blink 

And having to clean up my blood, hoping I didn’t stain anything.

I live because dying is more work.

From having to find the least inconvenient place and course of action to prepping.

Lots of prepping. 

Writing a letter to everyone I love. 

They can’t believe that it’s their fault.

That they could’ve prevented this. 

They couldn’t.

A letter to each of them. 

None of that one letter for all shit. 

Hand written too. 

One last personal thing from me to everyone. 

I can’t leave until I finish all my letters. 

And I don’t know how to write his. 

I say he’s the love of my life. 

He makes me so happy. 

My love, you’re my everything but I want to die. 

I believe you’re my soulmate but I’m not yours. 

How does that work?

My dad told me if I ever committed suicide he’d follow. 

How could I be so selfish that I take my siblings' father?

How could he take away my out like that?

To tie my decision to my siblings?

I couldn’t die tomorrow even if I had the commitment. 

I’d have to plan a few months in advance.

Pay for funeral costs. 

My death will not be a burden. 

Will not be anyone’s responsibility. 

Money has always been tight.

I'm tired man. 

I wish dying wasn’t so much work.

That it was easier than living. 

Let me go without causing pain to anyone. 

That’s all I’m asking.

[alone-with-words]

If you know in your heart that you’re meant for something, you better fight and never give up until you achieve it!

Fuck the negative thoughts and fuck self doubt.

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Do what’s best for your soul. Fuck anything else.

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I attract success and prosperity effortlessly into my life.

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Within the next 6 months your life is going to look completely different. You're going to be very happy with the changes.

[alone-with-words]

youtube channels for the girls

the wizard liz: self concept, advice , mindset

rita kaminski: manifestation, law of assumption

simonesquared: mindset , manifestation

stephanie concepcion: vlogs , makeup routines

manifestelle: advice , self work , mindset , feminity

madeleine abeid: pilates workouts

persephonesmind: feminity , mindset

deb smikle: funny content, storytimes

jasmine le: productive vlogs, fashion, makeup routines

sheena kim: aesthetic vlogs

adelala: productivity, vlogs

nailea devora: funny content, fashion, vlogs

via li: self love , vlogs

lenalifts: routines, tips

dear peachie: find your face/eyes/etc shape , makeups that fits you. HER CHANNEL IS A LIFE SAVER

[alone-with-words]

my life is full of regrets

and continuing on is one of them

[alone-with-words]

photo credits to pinterest.

[alone-with-words]

photo credits to pinterest.