almach-748

[almach-748]

i don’t mean this sexually, btw, i mean that i have a poor relationship with every father figure i’ve ever had and he can fix that

gender affirming care ✨ (grizzled older man points a gun to my head and threateningly calls me “son”)

[almach-748]

anthropomorphic rodents that use nail clippers on their tooth enamel

[almach-748]

ah shit, i already fucked it up

2026 will be my year.

[almach-748]

or perhaps a game of… plinko?

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

[almach-748]

this reads like a monty python sketch

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

[almach-748]

Fun Fact: The name “Dennis” is actually descended from the name “Dionysus”, meaning that Dionysus would in fact hang out in a Denny’s considering he basically owns the place

self care is dropping out of college to become a maenad and hanging out with dionysus at a denny’s at 3 in the morning

[almach-748]

my favorite type of song is where the longer it goes on, the more you realise the singer is just going through a mental breakdown

[almach-748]

breakfast (one entire cup of bacon grease)

[almach-748]

sleepyhead spring, silly goose summer, funny guy fall, white man winter

hot girl summer is out, funny guy fall is in

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i unfold a game of life board and gingerly place a planchet on top. “what color is your car?”

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The amount of physical pain I am caused by people confusing lion dancers with dragon dancers will actually kill me if I don’t do something about it, so let me explain:

Dragon dancers are chains of like 10 people (often more) who are all collectively holding a massive dragon above them via big poles. In China, dragons are almost always depicted as long, squiggly boys, and the idea short little stubby dragons is very odd. link

Lion dancers are pairs of two people with extremely funny pants who hide under a costume and essentially become a lion animorph-style, with lots of little levers built in to make the lion blink, flick its ears, etc. This is often very loud (the drums traditionally played can actually make your chest feel weird) and much more physically demanding, as lion dancers frequently do tricks and have to physically carry the other lion dancer all while convincingly looking like a living animal. It is so difficult, in fact, that it is sometimes done competitively in what can only be described as the loudest sport in existence. link

If you don’t live in East Asia but want to experience this yourself, you can sometimes find them hired by traditional East Asian restaurants or in Chinatowns to ring in Lunar New Year (Jan 29 in 2025)

Go hunt em down

A meeting of dragons.

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at first i though those were potatoes and i was so confused like “have i missed something?? is well-seasoned roasted potatoes, waffles, and whipped cream a common food combo???”

now i just wanna try something

In a weird curiosity, attempted to air fry cinnamon dusted apples

And it worked-

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hot girl summer is out, funny guy fall is in

[almach-748]

man, fuck the sacrum. ain’t nobody ever care about s1-5

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absolutely HATE it when people think “i don’t like spicy food” = “i can’t handle spicy food”

like no bitch?? i’m just a sane human being that has never looked at food and thought “hmm… needs to be itchier”. i can eat it, i just don’t generally appreciate the feeling that i have just poured several angry ants into my throat

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in light of recent events, i’d like to apologize

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i enter an all-you-can-eat restaurant and immediately sit down like this. the owners know in their hearts that they have lost.