all-things-helltalia

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It's been months since I've been here and I come back to see these in my drafts 💀💀

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This was supposed to be my final 2020 post, but I forgot to post it here on Tumblr and only posted on Instagram WHOOPS.

Anyway, steampunk hubbies because yes.

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[ Hey, do you think I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? ]

[ You’re a hazard to society. ]

[ And a coward. Do twenty ]

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Portugal, a week into their relationship: let's get married.

England: what?? Isn't it too early to talk about marriage????

Portugal: we've basically been married for the past 600 somethin' years, let's make it official in human standards.

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*at the dinner table*

Spain: *sitting on the chair cross legged*

Portugal: are you gay?

Spain: what?

Portugal: you can't sit on any god damn chair correctly.

Spain: ..... Seriously?

Portugal, sitting in the most uncomfortable, unnatural way possible: what?

Spain: hypocrite.

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These spot the difference games are getting really fucking hard

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info for any new hetalia fans: The 2ps/Second Players/Another color- Are not cannon! There is a series of nyo 2p cannon designs and 2ps cannon designs for OG Japan, Germany, and North Italy- There are no cannon personalities or OG designs for anyone but those three (well there kind of is but as hima did not officially release them titled as 2ps its unlikely they are cannon, or at least intended to be)! So basically, do not feel pressured to believe purely in fanon 2ps- Be creative with them! 

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ship asks

what is your absolute favorite ship?

what ship do you hate most?

what was your first ship, and what fandom is it from?

explain why do/don’t ship [pairing]

how did you start shipping [pairing]?

is there a ship that you used to ship, but don’t anymore?

what’s a ship you like that most people don’t?

what’s a ship you hate that most people like?

what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion?

what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion?

do you prefer [pairing] as an otp, brotp, or notp?

why do you think [pairing] is so popular?

why do you think [pairing] isn’t popular?

rate [pairing] from 1-10 and explain why

what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]?

what’s your favorite canon moment of [pairing]?

favorite AU ideas for [pairing]?

rant about [pairing]

what’s a meme/quote that reminds you of [pairing]?

what song(s) remind you of [pairing]?

what kind of dates do you think [pairing] would go on?

realistically, do you think [non-canon pairing] will ever be canon? why or why not?

have you ever written fanfiction/drawn fanart of [pairing]? would you consider it?

any other questions?

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Okay but hear me out.

Portugal with a man bun.

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Portugal: *just finishing pouring cake/brownie batter and putting it in the oven*

Spain, sitting at the counter: can I lick the spoon?

Portugal: ... Fine *goes to hand him the spoon*

England: *walks into the kitchen*

Portugal: *hands England the spoon just as Spain starts reaching for it*

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Watch me start writing endless little drabbles with Portugal thanks to the release of the trailer/teaser for the new season I'm-

So if y'all wanna send in ideasssss- 👀

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INSPIRATION VIA @owlrolls

My last post was basically Portugal in a tree and Arthur being done with life during a convo with someone. Then I got inspired by owlrolls (Yes you, thanks nugget), now here are the top 5 obscure crimes Porteng have done together as documented by yours faithfully Alfred F. Jones, America.

5.

Alfred: Well, in context the least obscure was the ticket Arthur had for almost accidently running over someone after João fell out of a tree attempting to become the pigeon, he could do a very interesting hoot sound... Don't drink kids.

*Peter (Sealand) raises his hand in the audience but Tino (Finland) puts it back down*

Hetalia news reporter: You say that this isn't the most obscure?

Alfred: ... No.

4.

Alfred: So vandalism is next.

Hetalia news reporter: That sounds rather normal?

Alfred: They spray painted the image of Danny Devito on the backs of everyone's suits. But when they tried to escape together they were caught and were believed to be suspects of nearby vandalism of the well...the lower region of men as famous landmarks. We still don't know if they did that or not— tbh it's one of my personal favourites.

*Camera zooms over to a close up of France smiling*

3.

Alfred: They sparred with swords for a free sample at a supermarket.

Hetalia news reporter: Well...

Alfred: Blindfolded to Don't stop me now by Queen.

2.

Alfred: Arthur managed to magic everyone into pigeons. And with Portugal "set us free into one of his government members House" though I cannot name them. They got charged for climbing in down the chimney. But they never talked about it again —

Hetalia news reporter: What do you think goes through their heads when this happens? How long were you pigeons for?

Alfred: 4 weeks and I think this is why you don't suppress those personifications with the desire to prank with seriousness or to be chill.

1.

Alfred: Now I don't know if this should be number 1 because there's a lot of speculation. I mean they have done normal crimes such as toss people they hate around and such. However... This, is uniquely different that I can't sleep if I start to think. But you see I heard from Ned (The Netherlands) who said he asked Antonio (Spain) who said he asked Francis (France) who said he asked Allistor (Scotland) who knows everything apparently, that well... They were caught doing the birds and the bees in a Mario/ Princess Peach couple costume on famous English landmarks. Now. Apparently, they attempted to escape, and they is photographic evidence of Arthur in a pink dress with a sherlock scarf being bridal carried by João in a Mario hat and shorts with no top. Certainly to say don't drink kids again. But... There was, I heard, no evidence they were drunk... Which to think they made a willing conscious decision to— well yes, I believe it as I once came across a photo Arthur had at a glance which had them in the costume...

*Tino is covering the ears of a confused Peter*

*Alfred looks into camera with a look of fear*

Hetalia news reporter: *Cries in wth*

*Door slams open Arthur enters dragging João along*

Arthur *angrily*: What the hell are you talking about!? How is any of that accurate or acceptable to say!? What is that!

*Arthur looks at Camera*

*Alfred and News reporter scream*

João: Are they 'wrong' though? Pink suits you...

*Everyone goes silent*

Arthur: 5 seconds and Alfred has another crime to add to the list. 5. 4. 3. 2—

*João runs out*

Arthur *to Alfred*: If you post that you'll regret it too.

Alfred: so wait... It's all true, I was half making it up.... ARTHUR!?

*Arthur turns bright red*

Arthur: Sweet Honey Ice-cream Tea....

Alfred: mmmm that sounds like a great treat except for the tea.

*Arthur runs out*

*Camera goes dark*

Peter: What does the birds and the bees mean exactly? I never heard that term.

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Welcome to Pigeontalia. Mess with the coo, you get the shoe.

I put this on Instagram but I'm gonna put it here too because- yes.

Thanks to @daffodilscoraltree I have created this monstrosity. I have officially made a horrible contribution to the fandom. I shall see myself out.

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Pigeon by Nature: Porteng

A convo inspired text I had with @emotobix

(someone visits and standing at door talking with Arthur and sees through the window João in the tree. They're like ????)

*Arthur sips tea*

Arthur: I was almost tempted to join him—

*Looks behind for a moment*

Arthur: but well, give it a minute—

*Portuguese hooting then a crash*

Arthur: Alright, gotta make sure the bird is a-live *grabs keys and puts tea dow*

*other person shows visible concern*

Other person: how often does this happen?

Arthur: last week we had a joust in a empty parking lot in shopping carts with cardboard rolls—

Arthur: I never done stuff that is both so spontaneous and so lazy with anyone else. It's endearing.

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Day 8...Short but Sweet

Arthur 3am, snuggled in blankets in bed wearing tinsel around his head, drunk:

Twinkle Twinkle Little Eyebrows

How I wonder how you grown

Up above my eyes so thiccc

Like two caterpillars I want to fliccc

Twinkle Twinkle Little Eyebrows

How I wonder where you are.

João: *claps at the end*

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So I've been developing my own version of 2p!Portugal... Question is, do I post about him? I'm also making my own versions of 2p!Scotland and 2p!Australia some time soon, so if I lost about 2p!Portugal, then ya know... Maybe I'll post about them too.

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Brazil: What’s wrong with you?

Portugal: Roman Empire came to visit from the afterlife.

Brazil: As in… your dad?

Portugal: Yup. He spent 12 hours gushing Veneziano with praise, 3 hours with Romano, 1 hour with France, 30 minutes with Spain and 10 minutes with Romania.

Brazil: What about you?

Portugal: He looked at me for 10 seconds and thought he was seeing Spain in double.