alkeadora

[alkeadora]

you're real but I can't hold you, you're unreal but I can't forget you,

it's unfair that you're alone and I can't have you, it's unfair that you're away and I can't see you,

breathing the same air but only true in sleep, sharing the same feeling but only true in heart,

[alkeadora]

debonair december

standing there, I saw you coming, holding up a paper with my name on it, zero degrees but you're warm in the swing, chuckling, never expected it's all real,

driving miles away to go home in the north, appreciating the views in the land of gladiators, you told me stories about the myths and wars, and I couldn't help but love every spoken word,

the candle glistens up the apartment room, snow and rain raging outside in the gloom, your coneys hop and sleep in the bedroom, you hold my hand, dancing like a fair groom,

bell's ringing, you brought me to your family, heartfelt dialogues on the Roman tapestry, your mother couldn't stop thanking me, for the smiles that I revived in your agony,

fireworks flicker the sky on the peninsula, flashing in your eyes under the blue cap, your hand is in mine, with wine and focaccia, closing eyes, wishing to take away your trauma,

three nights away, now I'm in customs, two weeks felt like reading two poems, those beams turn into the frowned ones, saying you'll be there when the time comes,

stepping again in my own homeland, friendly atmosphere but all is lagged, left half of me in your firm velvety hand, my calm, softspoken, debonair man.

[alkeadora]

“I like you very much too, but can't decide if it's love.”

yeah, glad that you figured it out way better than I did.

[alkeadora]

naïve november

on your birthday, I started falling, I made a poem you were barely reading, I was delighted with just a smiling, perceiving that I've finished digging,

strolling your hometown at night, you held my hand quite so tight, with the moon witnessing so bright, we told stories about us to write,

I started to know you a lot better, sitting near the famous sepulcher, and your favorite food, a döner, you said you're named after the founding father,

six full moons and I started to realize, that what we have will never survive, naively thinking that we would fly, when in fact we began to slowly die,

I can't change the darkening skies, while walking on the path with knives, and you can't bring the paradise, when you're barely even alive,

in the evening at the subway, I told the truth that I couldn't stay, you showed nothing but dismay, saying that we should wait and pray,

my legs gave up on this walk, but yours stayed on the board.

[alkeadora]

I'll wait for you, even when it has to be done in another life.

— some guy with bright red flags, too bright that blinds my eyes.

[alkeadora]

obtuse october

looking up through the window, the sky looks calming but hollow, macchiato is sitting on a desk in sorrow, streams running down on my pillow,

last night's long texts are still haunting, screams and shouts were shrieking, for the first time you saw me falling, then you got me sleeplessly crying,

three months trying to comprehend, gave up selfishness to gain respect, never once thought of being pretended, you were all I had; I was blessed,

you carelessly flicked the last card, of the house that started to jar, innocence stolen, trust charred, our vibrant realm began to get dark,

blaming myself will never help, beyond repair, it's all wrecked, those sorrys might sound heartfelt, but my sanity is what I want to protect,

on the last day, people wear costumes, on the last day, I saw you in gloom, feeling guilty and no more excuses, "I hope our next life will be good."

[alkeadora]

should have gotten my nails done before taking pictures. however, yay!

[alkeadora]

sorry september

at the library in the first fall, light footsteps heard across the hall, sitting in the corner, against the wall, eyes glued to the book, ignoring the call,

"such a revolutionary," startled, I heard it carefree, "don't you hate history?" whispering, you then sat next to me,

Wednesday morning, I remembered it, a short encounter that's so vivid, pages turned, time ticked, birds chirped, and I nonchalantly let them slip,

drowned in your smooth talks, captivated by your smart thoughts, from the sweet evening walks, to flawlessly dancing the Waltz,

you framed us in a bigger figure, planning a future that's too blurred, soft-spoken, you didn't miss to capture, every word you said got clearer,

it's your birthday that you can't wait for, I stood there seeing myself in the mirror, weeping under the dress for the dinner, noticed by nobody but your sister,

I tore the dress and your smile with it, running away before your speech, can't even tell me why I did it, but for it I, too, let myself bleed.

[alkeadora]

a life update, i guess

oh, my, freaking, god.

hello??? is anyone actually here???

I can't believe that I really (finally) got the chance to be here again after shamelessly making a few drafted posts.

to think that getting my lazy ass back here is something worth celebrating. so I'm celebrating now by making this update post.

may, june, july, august were crazy. but hey, I managed to stay alive until september. and I'm graduating next month which is also fascinating, considering that this journey was initially done half-heartedly. LMAO.

and now, I have the responsibility of reliving this place, dusting away drafted posts with new more varied (hopefully) poems. I have a few themes for the poems, not necessarily events in my boring sad life. thinking about making it more fantasy, we'll see about that.

at last, it feels great to be back again.

cheers!

[alkeadora]

appreciative august

uncovering the red curtain, revealing my own new version, finally got to see me accomplishing, greeted by beloved people smiling,

colorful flowers are on my path, birds chirp, showing no wrath, the warm wind breezes in my hair, taking agony away with the air,

crossing the broken bridge, barely made me flinch, tightrope walking with eyes closed, did not even get me rolled,

I made myself stand on my feet, up high here in the summit, cuts and bruises keep me alive, blood shines like new year's light,

the sun sneers as if it's celebrating, to the milestone that I stepped in, the clouds hide, taking away sadness, passing nothing but warmness,

looking down at my past struggles, and all those who gave hurdles, could do nothing but be grateful, they helped despite being painful.

[alkeadora]

I did it. 🥹

[alkeadora]

「 this post is about the quick trip to Malacca that I had this July. enjoy! 」

Malacca is known as one of the historical cities in Malaysia. just a quick note: I’ve visited Malaysia a few times in the past. spending a full day in Malacca is quite an experience since there are many historical buildings that catch my attention.

the heart of the city

[alkeadora]

jocular july

fireworks were witnessing, the vow 17-year-old us making, in my father's garden you were whispering, the journey we'd be living in,

we gave summer blissfully, first tattoos were Jessie and Woody, you painted my dark sky beautifully, for once I didn't at all feel lonely,

I read the pages of letters you sent, messy handwritten on sheets swept, I could recall how each day was spent, at the park with secrets we shared,

you picked the brightest flower, placing some all over my shoulder, saying it would make me stronger, if we had to part away sooner,

sooner is later that now you're in front of me, chestnut hair and dark orbs with beauty, I glance to see the tattoo became hazy, but that pretty beam remains sunny,

seven summers feel like nothing, the talking, laughing, hugging, they're there as if never leaving, that I could keep until spring,

I drown myself dreaming, that I hardly notice one thing, you have your own ring.

[alkeadora]

juberous june

standing there by the dock, wishing nothing but time stops, summer is coming now it's clocked, memories recalled where I got caught,

in the corner was an exquisite man, eyes away outside in the garden, full of blooming flowers and plants, and a snapped recollection out of sudden,

he talked about love and together, I only heard about the weather, he explained the life we'll have forever, I cracked that it will never ever...

the next second it was over, guests wishing him pleasure, reassuring him to feel better, not with me but with her,

now I'm standing by the dock, watching his yacht sail in the dark.

[alkeadora]

living the unliving life

telling white lies to my friends, to save them from the tears, being untrue to my parents, to shield them from despairs,

staring at the dead in the mirror, laughing, yet the reflection's still, feeling the end at my fingertips, losing senses through my shrill,

where did you learn your magic? what spell did you employ to turn a lively-spirited soul, into one devoid of joy?

grasping to reality with force, helping myself as best I could, so they can hug me once more, so my cats still see me... in the mortal woods.

[alkeadora]

extraneous feeling

asking myself, who have I been? wondering now, where have I been?

putting myself before you, that's what you always do, in just a matter of hours, one push and you'll lose,

then pages turned, and all eyes on you, afraid of the truth, you choose to skew, you see me in your past so clear, but I see you in my future near.

asking myself again, after all this time, who are you?

[alkeadora]

moony may

I just met you yesterday, with that smile being away, but it's enough to feel okay, because I know you'll stay,

sometimes we're no odd, like two peas in a pod, cut from the same cloth, cast in the same mold,

we share the similar laughter, as alike as two drops of water, our heart has never been better, we're at best when together,

but our roots beg to differ, just like fire and water, yours shines clearer, brighter, mine stays bitter, darker,

we have our own goal, lays in a different whole, stones are in the path we stroll, like a square peg in a round hole,

question is all in me, asking how it will be, to keep you within, while quelling everything,