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Living Well: Reflection

Hi there,

So, I have decided to adjust the direction of this blog. It will still have random posts and various topics of discussion, but I want it to center on life and how we traverse it. See, not to worry, still vast, all encompassing, and a little mad. Today, I want to start a series: Living Well. For some time, I have been on a journey to create optimal conditions for myself, in mind, body, spirit, and environment. Yet, I am beginning to accept change is the most optimal state. Another word for change—growth. Essentially, the human experience is anything but consistent. Many of us are looking for someone to tell us the answers. Give us a script, a map with the route completely laid out. We start investing in self-help books, vision boards, gurus and their classes etc. Yet, the majority of us never really get anywhere even though we spend loads of time, energy, and in some cases money. I think this boils down to one issue—lack of action. I believe wholeheartedly in the power of some of these methods, although I do find some more valid than others. It seems though this genre of ‘food for thought’ is more about sharing a story or personal experience rather than giving guidance. Which, perhaps, is what it should be. Think about it, a therapist helps you analyse your problems. Self-help is similar, but kind of like a hundred therapy sessions of someone else’s life. And vision boards and gurus, well let’s be honest, they are just kind of entertaining. While all of these begin the process of growth, they are not worth much if you do implement changes into your life.

Now, I know what you are thinking, where do I get off telling you how to live your life. I have no business doing that. So I won’t. Instead, I am going to bring you on my journey of food after the thought. See, I am choosing to implement some very necessary changes in my life. I would not consider myself a happy person. I feel like I am lacking in many departments—relationships, work (enjoyment of it), finances, fitness, nutrition. In fact, these are going to be my five pillars. I don’t care how long it takes, but I am determined to make some changes, or grow, in these areas of my life. But as we know, easier said than done.

First, you need to understand what brought me here. For, roughly, the past six years, I have struggled with identity issues. Finally, it got to the point where I needed to seek professional help if I ever wanted to move past it. So that’s what I did. For the past seven months, I have been speaking to a therapist, and it has been very helpful. A couple years before therapy, however, I began watching and listening to self-help material. The first documentary I watched was ‘The Secret.’ My honest opinion, it contributed to my already looming feelings of unhappiness. It made me realise what I lacked. To some, this may be a good a thing. It could provide motivation to be what you are not or gain what you do not have, but two issues arise: will you ever achieve satisfaction and what does this motivation cause you to prioritise. I find it leads to feelings of inadequacy and a desire for more material possessions. You want a bigger house, put it on a vision board and work tirelessly, skip time with family and friends, lose yourself in the process and then boom—bigger house. Yeah, no thanks. After watching that, I didn’t watch or read anything from that genre for a long time.

A couple years later, and shortly before therapy, I listened to Dan Harris’ book ‘10% Happier.’ I found it inspiring. Ultimately, the focus is on Dan’s journey to being happier. At the core is meditation. I had heard the term, yet I didn't truly understand the practice. It turns out, on paper, meditation is pretty easier. If you have ever tried, you know it is a bit more challenging to do. Still, I gave it a solid try and found it to be incredibly impactful. Unfortunately, I got a little side-tracked and gave up a few months ago, but I will be getting back into it (and did so today).

After this book, I saw the documentary ‘Minimalism.’ Also, incredibly impactful. See, opposite to ‘The Secret,’ the emphasis is less is more. When we declutter our material possessions, we declutter our lives. We create space for things that actually matter and are worth our time. I started with my biggest vice—clothing. I cleared out half of my closet and one of my two dressers worth of clothes. I focused on practicality and adopted a one in one out mentality. When it comes time to replace something, I look for quality, fit, and function and then replace it. To date, this has been the most beneficial practice I have adopted. The great part is there is always room for growth.

From there, therapy began and continues.

Most recently, I have listened to two books—'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' and ‘The Happiness Project.’ Both are rather personalised views on how these two authors see the world and explore their own happiness. Subtle art is a little vaster and actually does give some guidance and tough love insights. While THP, is a more personal experience of author Gretchen Rubin’s quest to be happier. Yet, she uses a great deal of scientific data to back up her overarching lessons. Both are a solid read/listen.

Finally, I have made dramatic changes to my diet over the past year and continue to do so. The highlights include meat and dairy consumer, to vegetarian, to vegan.

There you have it. This is the beginning to the starting point of my journey toward a happier, ever-changing, ever-growing life. For the foreseeable future, I am committed to sharing the new things I will incorporate into my life. The things that do and do not work for me. Up until this moment, I believe I have been in a state of reflection. I have taken action here and there but the only way to make a true difference is by turning here and there into every day. I hope you will join me on this journey.

Until next time,

~Aaryn Mad

Because a little madness makes life more fun.

From ‘The Happiness Project’: ‘When the student is ready, the master appears.’

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Are You Religious?

Dear Mad Hatters,

I hope everyone is doing well. So, the other day I was talking with an individual and after a long discussion of a whole myriad of topics, we started discussing philosophy, which eventually led to religion. Finally, she asked me, ‘Are you religious?’ I thought about this for a while.

First, it is important to understand my perspective and experience with religion. I was raised in an ELCA Lutheran church. ELCA is a bit more liberal as it pertains to their stance on social issues (ie. they support marriage equality and are very open about it). Anyway, I went every Sunday and was fully engrossed in all church related activities. Then, in the sixth grade, I was enrolled into a Missouri Synod Lutheran school. For the record, not all religions are created equally. MS Lutheran is far more conservative and strict with who can participate in the church services. They do not allow women to serve in any sort of leadership role (again based on my experience), they do not permit non-members of their church to take part in the sacraments (communion, confirmation, baptism etc.), and their stance on social issues is a conservative one. (For the record, I will try to not make this post about the church and state debate). So, I’m sure you can imagine going from a fairly liberal environment, relative to religion, to a very conservative one was quite a shock. I stayed in this school through my senior year of high school. By the end, I was done with religion.

During my time there, I was required to attend two mandatory chapel services every week. These consisted of many different themes, but those that stuck out were abstinence only presentations and anti-abortion and anti-plan parenthood groups. Essentially, they used these chapels to push a conservative political agenda. Likewise, I was disturbed by the amount of hateful rhetoric I heard coming from my peers, who had to learn it from somewhere, when it came to social issues. I remember when Obama ran in 2008, the ‘N’ word was used regularly to describe him, and people, good hearted Christians, wished violence and harm against him. Sounds pretty loving right? Needless to say, I was done.

Since graduating high school, I have hardly attended a church service. I can say with confidence I do not support or believe in organised religion. I understand the benefit of having something of a support group. Churches have a long history of supporting their members and communities. However, there is a dark side to them as well. In all honesty, I have no interest in weeding out the good from the bad. While my experience in a Christian high school was not a positive one, I did learn a lot about religion. So, when I was asked, are you religious? I had to reflect on my personal experience, my perspective, and my learned knowledge to accurately answer this question.

To start, I think it is important to note, I see religious and spiritual as two different things. I would define religious as supporting a set of beliefs motivated by faith in an entity that is beyond the physical and worldly scope of human understanding. Spirituality, I see as more of a meditative and metaphysical experience. Essentially, spirituality is experiencing the world around me. Appreciating what I can experience through my physical senses and what I cannot—’forms’ greater than myself.

Second, I have found, at their core, most major world religions are the same (which I learned through years of mandatory religion courses): treat your fellow humans with respect and kindness. Help one another. Respect and take care of the world around you, your environment. Do not give into material temptation. Be modest and take care of your physical self etc. Sure, they are written and taught differently, but the message remains synonymous. My takeaway is, why are we debating who is right and wrong when the core values are identical?

Third, I accept the possibility of a higher being. My issue with the human representation of ‘god’ (or whatever you want to call it), is how it is portrayed. In Christianity, god is a white guy with a long white beard...yeah I don’t think so. I wholeheartedly believe that if a higher being exists, it is again beyond the scope of human understanding and conceivability. I do not know what (or if) ‘god’ is, and I am okay with that. Yet, I am not going to have my life ruled by the mere possibility of a higher being that is not something I could possibly begin to comprehend.

Next, let’s discuss faith. If I had to define faith, I would say it is believing in something you cannot address with your physical senses. This sounds a bit like spirituality, yet a key difference is faith is often associated with higher beings and a set of guidelines, principles, and values associated with that being and their teachings. Again, take Christianity, having ‘Christian faith’ suggests you believe in God, Jesus Christ—his son, and the Holy Spirit. Likewise, you probably believe in going to church, the Ten Commandments (or guidelines to life), the sacraments, Christ dying for the sins of the world, a lot of other stuff, and putting your faith in all of these things. The last part is the most complex, and the most personal. Regardless of how outlandish such beliefs may sound to one person, others are unshakable in their faith. Honestly, more power to them. I could try to pick this apart, but it is not my faith and therefore not my place. Above all, what I have learned is faith is a personal, intimate, and individualized experience. It can literally vary person-to-person. Therefore, how I do or do not have faith is my business and how others believe is theirs.

Along with the varied interpretation of faith, so too can the religious texts from which faith is based vary greatly. Any time you have religious texts, they are always open for interpretation. One sentence can be read 100 ways. This is not to suggest such texts are less valid. However, when interpretations may vary greatly, then I do not feel any one person or their interpretations are more correct. Therefore, I do not feel as though I should take their interpretation as law and allow it to impact my personal faith experience.

Moving on, I want to discuss prayer. I find prayer to be more of a meditative practice then a practical one. I think it is beneficial to take time for reflection and envision or even speak of the things and people you care about and are grateful for, aspects of life you would like to change, or even ask for help. The reality is change is the result of action. Sure, prayer is an action, but it does not actually change circumstance. I believe prayer can serve as the motivation to take action, but prayer itself does not change something.

Finally, I want to leave you with this: religion is what you make of it, faith is a unique perspective on how religion affects one’s life, and spirituality is your ability and willingness to connect to the physical and metaphysical (again as I see it). It is not wrong to make such things a priority in your life, and no one should ever make you feel poorly for making them a priority. However, there are two sides to every situation. When you use a belief system (especially when its validity can be questioned), to justify hate, to put down other things of a similar nature (ie. other religions), to harm people, to obstruct reason, logic, and undeniable morals—a sense of right and wrong, which we all have engrained within us, then you are in the wrong. It is time we stop using religion to justify injustice. Nothing gives people the right to mistreat their fellow human, animals, the environment, or the habitat around them. Not even religion.

So, am I religious? Well to summarise, I accept the possibility of a higher being; I do not support organised religion; I believe in connecting with the world around me; I feel all people should be treated with respect regardless of their own beliefs; I feel faith is a personal experience; and I think actions speak louder than words. If that makes me ‘religious’ so be it.

I guess that just leaves one question: are you religious?

Until next time,

~Aaryn Mad

Because a little madness makes life more fun.

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R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Dear Mad Hatters,

First, I hope everyone is doing well. Today, I want to talk about respect, and what it means to me (insert Aretha Franklin here). Personally, I feel all interactions, the way we think about, talk about, and treat people is based on if we respect them or not. Likewise, if we have respect for someone, we tend to give more of ourselves, our trust, kindness, time etc. to that person. I take my values seriously, and not unlike Dexter Morgan, I live my life by a certain code (but for the record, no, I do not have any questionable after hours activities). If I had to distill my values to a singular phrase the following would be it: ‘Respect is the ultimate currency.’ (1 million brownie points to anyone who can name the movie this is from and didn’t look it up!). So, let’s break this down for a minute.

First, what is respect? Essentially, it is a deep admiration and esteem for someone, which impacts how you regard or feel about that person. And, again, I would suggest how we feel about someone, dictates how we treat them and what we will give to them. Second, how is respect a currency? Currency is defined as, ‘a system of money in general use in a country.’ But if we look at this more conceptually, a currency is something that is exchanged between people to obtain something in return. Looking even deeper then at this quote, the takeaway is pretty straight forward: respect is the ultimate, albeit intangible, thing two people can exchange. Giving respect to someone is a powerful thing. It means you will treat them and view them with high regard, you will care about them, treat them with kindness, give them your time, and instill your trust within them. And you do all of this with the expectation that they will reciprocate in kind. It is a powerful and amazing thing really. But, what happens when this bond is broken?

Conversely, you will meet people who do not treat you with respect and are not deserving of yours. Often, when you do not like someone, you might hear others tell you to still be respectful. Really, what I believe they are saying is still present yourself in a respectable manner. This is far different from the former. What that request/suggestion really means, is be civil towards people including those who are uncivilised towards you. But being civilised does not mean you respect someone undeserving of it. In fact, it really has nothing to do with them at all. Your opinion of them, most likely, will not change. Likewise, their behaviour towards you, most likely, will not change, so the only reason to be civil is to show others that even in the face of adversity, you are still someone of integrity and deserving of respect.

Ultimately, not unlike currency, respect is earned. Don’t waste it.

Until next time,

~Aaryn Mad

Because a little madness makes life a lot, more fun.

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Sh%t My Brother Says v.1

'If I was a magic eight ball I'd tell you to ask again later, but I'm not. So, instead I gonna tell you to f@&k off.'

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Fiverr

If you are in the market for a poem, check this out:

https://www.fiverr.com/aarynmad/write-a-poem-for-you-for-class-project-or-just-because

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New Shirt Design

https://teespring.com/stores/a-little-madness

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You Define You

https://teespring.com/define-this?cross_sell=true&cross_sell_format=none&count_cross_sell_products_shown=5#pid=46&cid=2742&sid=front

https://teespring.com/stores/a-little-madness

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Hope, Not Hate

https://teespring.com/hope-3142#pid=369&cid=6521&sid=front

https://teespring.com/stores/a-little-madness

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Randomness

I have decided I want to design stuff. So, I am starting on teespring.com. If anyone out there likes random, unique, and eccentric stuff, check it out. https://teespring.com/stores/a-little-madness  'A Little Madness' is my brand. Essentially, it is all about the random, the unique, and the eccentric. These products are meant to make you laugh, think, and provide some much needed enjoyment in this mad world we live in.

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I’m Unhappy

Dear Mad Hatters,

After a bit of a hiatus, I am back and wanting to share some news: I’m unhappy. There it is. Out in the open. For about the last month I have been working through job rejections, school rejections, and general life chaos. Knowing that school is off the table for the next year, I have been pursuing jobs. A number of these positions have been geared towards my interests, and I have built up a notable resume/CV to secure at least one of these positions. Yet, I have been denied at nearly every turn. In short, I am feeling unfulfilled, dissatisfied, directionless, and unhappy.

Before I proceed, it should be noted, I am fully aware that there are people, maybe even some of you, who are going through their own unique struggles. I empathize. I believe no struggle is lesser than any other, simply different.

So, around the time all of this rejection began I simultaneously started listening to 10% Happier by Dan Harris. (*This is not an advertisement and I am in no way affiliated with this book). I found it compelling. I have been down a path of simplification and minimalism for some time now. This road is not easy, but I believe in it. Or at least the possibility of what a ‘less is more’ lifestyle can hold. I am not planning on becoming a monk or living out of a van or anything extreme, but I accept that when we have less useless and mindless stuff pining for our attention, we could allocate this new found time to focus on something of purpose/meaning.

So, after watching minimalism documentaries and listening to podcasts of how this lifestyle approach can make a difference, a recommended video showed up in my YouTube feed (I have no idea if these are the proper terms, I do not do much in the way of social media). The video was by YouTuber Hannah Hart (again I am not promoting nor do I have any affiliation). During the video, she brought up 10% Happier. After some contemplation, I decided to give it a listen. I was genuinely interested in Harris’ story and journey of finding meditation as a worthy practice to add to his daily routine. To get to that point, he recalls a number of personal life experiences and discussions with several gurus including Deepak Chopra and the Dalai Lama. Some of these interactions were of course more impactful and genuine to Harris than others. Yet, they all culminated to him trying meditation and embracing the changes that came through commitment to the practice.

Mediation is something I have had an interest in for a while now. I have been practicing it for a couple of months. I cannot say dramatic changes have occurred, but I do notice myself slowing down and making a conscious effort to be present. Yet, I was about halfway through the book when I heard Harris make a comment that caused me to realise I was unhappy. However, I did not feel shattered by the realisation. I’ll admit, it wasn’t a great feeling, but once I accepted it, I almost felt liberated in a way.

This liberation led me to acknowledge that I am at a point of great uncertainty. I have no real prospects, a job that ‘pays the bills,’ and no clear direction of what I want to do with my life. I do not like the feeling/s this state generates—talk about anxiety. Some people will tell you, ‘do what you love.’ Others will say doing what you love doesn’t create enough space for a work-life balance. Because you love your job so much you are willing to take your work home with you. What is a person to do? Often, I find myself turning to career and personality quizzes that, well to be honest, lead nowhere. And then I try answering the question: ‘what would you do if money wasn’t an object?’ I have accepted these answers are going to take a while to come and are subject to change.

Happiness is a feeling. It cannot be found. It is the end result of an active experience. To quote 10% Happier, ‘The pursuit of happiness becomes the source of our unhappiness.’ I do not have any sort of solution to my current state of feeling. This scares me. Yet, I feel it is important not to actively seek happiness. Instead, just do. Do things because you have a genuine interest or curiosity in them. Hopefully, the end result will be a feeling of happiness.

Until next time.

~Aaryn Mad

Because a little madness makes life a lot, more fun.

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Label Me This...

Dear Mad Hatters,

So, the other day I was having a conversation with a friend and she was telling me about, yet another, sexual identity label. *sigh* Let me preface this by noting, I am not ignorant to sexuality, gender identity, or simply being authentically you. In fact, if you want to label me, I guess I would fall under gender-neutral, transgender, genderfluid, non-binary…you get the idea. However, I do not live in a vacuum, so I would prefer not to be labeled into one. In short, I am tired of labels!

There are some who believe labels help clarify things; however, I am fearful it is encroaching on the ridiculous. Please help yourself to some examples:

Anxiegender– A gender affected by anxiety.

*I feel like anxiety can impact anyone, regardless of your gender, sexual orientation, race, religion etc. I personally struggle a great deal with anxiety, while this was worse during my years of struggling with my gender and sexual identity, it still impacts me today too, despite knowing who I am.

Cadensgender– A gender that’s easily influenced by music.

*I have never met anyone who dislikes music or is not influenced either emotionally or physically by it. Again, not sure this is gender exclusive.

Nyctogender– A gender consisting of darkness or related to it.

*Huh?

Shellgender– A gender which is thin, though clearly identified, and yet feels hollow and unfelt.

*Your gender is a part of your identity. If you are feeling hollow, you might consider discussing this with a professional.

Gynesexual– Someone sexually attracted to females.

*Does this seriously need a label?

Sapiosexual– Someone who is attracted to someone else’s mind above all else

*Intellect is a trait, a characteristic, a feature. If you are attracted to this feature above all else, awesome, but again, does it actually need a label!?

These are six of literally hundreds of labels. Why?

I consider myself a bit of a minimalist. I try to keep things simple in life, seeing as I tend to obsess and over analyse things—as mentioned, I struggle with anxiety, thus the less convoluted my life is, the better. Therefore, reading these convoluted labels is very difficult for me to understand, as it seems to over complicate that which is already quite complex.

Gender and sexual identity has been a hot social issue as of late. As with any social issue, in order to achieve equality, federal rights, coverage, and protections, and general recognition as a legitimate human being you need a majority support. While this support is present in more progressive areas, there are plenty of places in the US and around the world where people are still marginalized. Namely, this marginalization is a product of ignorance. Ignorance is a lack of understanding. When we do not understand something, we tend to fear it and thus try to keep it from us at all costs, even if this means discriminating against it. What I am fearful of is how the overabundance of labels could hinder people’s willingness to learn about these topics. I cannot imagine sitting down with even some of my own family members and throwing around terms like “cisgender,” or the superfluous number of terms all meaning you do not identify with a single gender.

Where I believe, we would have greater success is by simply explaining who we are and who we like. For example, a friend of mine she was born male, she felt she was truly female and became a woman and she found she can form an intimate relationship with all people. This is still certainly complex, but her identity is not bogged down with countless labels. I find this to be far more comprehendible than saying: she was DMAB-designated male at birth, she then realized she was transgender-identified with the opposite gender, so she transitioned from MTF-male to female, of in some cases FTF-female to female, because technically she had always been female and finally affirmed this through gender affirmation surgery and hormones. Once she embraced her identity, she realized she was pansexual-she was attracted to men, women, transgender, gender fluid, non-binary, gender-neutral, a-gender…do you notice the difference?

Moving away from labels does not have to detract from who you are. In fact, I would argue it gives you more of an individual identity because you are not condensing yourself to one umbrella term. In short, labels will always be around. And whether you choose to use them or not is up to you. As someone who falls under some of these emerging labels I want people to know I do not care for them and do not need them to define me. I want the same things as anyone else: respect, protection, equality, representation etc. The only label I choose to place myself under is “Human,” everything else is background noise.

Until next time,

~Aaryn Mad

Because a little madness makes life a lot, more fun.

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When You’re Not Lucky

Hello world,

Before we jump into today’s discussion, I want to explain a bit about myself, and the purpose of this blog.

I was born and raised in the Midwest until 18, when I made my way to the East coast. I attended college and earned a double BA in Psychology and English. I learned I had an innate interest for several subjects and fields including, but not limited to, psychology, gender studies, poetry, writing, neuroscience, and microbiology. Most importantly, I learned we are each multifaceted beings with unique experiences that guide us through life, yet we are not all that different from each other in principle. I wish to start this blog so that I can share my experiences, thoughts, and even reviews of things I encounter through life. These topics will be vast, but note, I will never speak on something I have not researched, experienced, or explored in-depth. Hopefully, you will find this journey relatable, entertaining, and just maybe a little inspiring.

With that, I invite you to A Little Madness.

So, I am at something of a crossroads. As aforementioned, I graduated, recently, with a double BA in Psychology and English. I began applying for several graduate programs, both PhD and Master’s. Given that one of the programs was a MA in Psychology from the institution I graduated from, summa cum laude, and my diverse coursework, extracurriculars, and honors/affiliations are quite extensive, I felt I had a pretty high chance of being accepted. Plus, this was my backup option. In short-I was not worried. Well, if you gathered from the title, the news came back, and by nature, I am not lucky--I did not make the cut. So now what?

I assure you, this is one of many examples when I have everything going for me, all of the right qualifications, all of skills, talent, and know-how, and even external sources to support my claims of excellence, and yet, I come up short. The only logical thing I can conclude is I am missing a bit of luck. If you are like me, luck just does not find you. However, it always seems to find its way to others in your life. Take your ridiculously intelligent brother for example. This kid can look at a book or his notes once, and then the next day walk in and ace a test. Or through a spontaneous conversation, because he is far better at interpersonal communication than you, the introspective poet, he gets a job offer, or finds himself talking with an FBI agent on a train from Chicago, because at fifteen he already knew more about computers than Gates and Jobs combined. Yeah, that is the kind of luck that just never seems to find people like us.

So, what do we do? Spend hours on YouTube watching self-improvement, confidence-boosting videos; videos that teach us how to interact with people, how to listen actively, how to crush an interview? Well, yes that is where we begin. Then when we cannot possibly click one more link featuring a guy or girl with a goofy yet annoyingly charismatic smile, where do we turn?--life hacks, buzzfeed quizzes, online personality tests, career tests, and even blogs. Why? Because clearly we are missing something about us. We have not explored every abyss of our minds. There has to be something more! What are we missing?

For a time, we get spiritual, start looking for signs in the universe. That newly posted flyer on the wall as you enter your campus or place of work, or the random email from a sender you have never heard of inviting you to join some group, program, or self-improvement class—clearly this is leading you somewhere. When we finally accept this is not the missing piece, we take to our favourite past time—worrying. We ask ourselves a million “what if’s” in the span of a minute thinking that if we can analyse every possible scenario, surely we will cover all of our bases and think of something that will make all the difference in getting what we want. Finally, we resort to my personal favourite—“it will turn out the way it is supposed to.” I have long believed we tell ourselves this to feel better and make up for our lack of luck.

While it would be great if luck were on our side, the fact that it is not means we rely on something more valuable: determination, resilience, and perseverance. It may sound like I am saying this to comfort myself, but I assure you, every time I have failed or simply not accomplished something, especially when I was sure I would, I am forced to navigate the new path this unexpected turn has led to. And when I do succeed, I have done so because I never quite. That is far more rewarding than having things just fall into your lap. Luck would be nice, but hard work is valued more.

Until next time,

~Aaryn Mad

Because a little madness makes life a lot, more fun.