alienwasagoodmovie

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Okay! So a lot happened today.

I went to see an specialist after my family doctor told me I’m pre diabetic.

The specialist told me I’m healthy!!!!!!!! He says I far from becoming a diabetic person and that my hypothyroidism is under control. He told to come back next year for my annual check.

I also found out I went from being 102 kgs to 96kgs in 2 months from my ed. For a reference my ideal weight should be around 80kgs since I’m almost 2meters tall.

About my sister, we no longer have bad blood. I told her how bad her comments and actions made me feel and she apologized to me. Ever since she’s been checking on me daily.

Anyways, my sister decided to take us to McDonald’s to celebrate I’m not pre diabetic. (Big deal for me since I’ve been struggling with my ed)

I was eating my burger already regretting getting McDonald’s when my mom told me I should watch what I’m eating because I could really develop diabetes and get fat.

I felt really bad and my sister said mom wtf?? she’s celebrating.

We got into a big argument, my mom ended up eating half of my meal and my sisters ice cream… anyways, no one enjoyed dinner because of that

That comment made me wanna purge, I feel so disgusting with myself for eating that burger. I literally feel several kgs heavier after that dinner and rolls of fat forming. I just wanna starve. Like the urge to stave is huge

I’ll try my best to beat the urge and get mentally healthy. I’ll try to pretend that this little episode never happened

[alienwasagoodmovie]

As my first post on recovery, I’ll say that today I ate 2 cookies, I looked at the cals I really shouldn’t have. it was hella difficult. But I didn’t cry! I almost did but then I didn’t. I’ll try to keep up with baby steps like that. This is gonna be way more difficult than I expected, I already thought about quitting recovery but nonono I need to be stronger and eat

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Recovery post

Well guys, I think this is it.

I lost a lot of weight thanks to tumblr, like A LOT. but my mental health is non existent at this point.

I’m struggling daily, I randomly burst into tears just from thinking about cravings. I living my life terrified and obsessed with 4n4.

Anyways, this is not healthy, even though I’m loving the results I see in the mirror I’ve decided to go on recovery, just the thought of it is scary and feels wrong but I feel like my future self will be thankful for it.

I will keep this tumblr account since writing about my feelings makes me feel so much better after clicking post. I’m scared and I know it will be difficult but I’ll start small until I’m comfortable eating like a normal person again without feeling guilty or depressed.

I’ll start with baby steps, trying to better my relationship with food and lose weight in a healthier way.

Before I click post and make it official, I wanna say that I’m really thankful for all the nice people here on tumblr, y’all are the cutest people on earth. Like really. Thank you so much for reading my posts and always being so kind and supportive <3 I wish you all the best :)

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Not ed related but tonight my sister took my phone and texted my crush, she insulted him and he’s now angry at me for that. He hates me now. I feel pathetic and sad. My own sister is always pulling this kind of moves I feel like she wants to see me hit rock bottom or something. She fucking announced to different groups of people that I have hemorrhoids. Now almost everyone I know on campus knows about it and laughs at me for it. I’ve always supported her even though I don’t always agree with her. I don’t think I deserve what she does to me. I want to disappear

[alienwasagoodmovie]

This Ed is messing me up mentally, I’m so scared and anxious all the time, I’m obsessing so much I fear I should go on recovery but I’m still fat. I hate this so much, I don’t know what to do, I’m going mad I don’t know if I’m doing anything to help revert my pre diabetic state. I’m so overwhelmed every single day. I don’t want to go through diabetes like my grandpa did. I feel so worthless and sad all the time. I can’t stop comparing my body to everyone else’s. I can’t stop pinching the fat from my body, I’ve caught myself doing it without even thinking about it. I almost had a panic attack in front of everyone while eating m&m on halloween. Im so scared of calories. I’m so scared of the mirror. I’m so scared of diabetes. I’m so scared of the possible consequences of this ed. I’m so scared of telling people about this struggle

[alienwasagoodmovie]

I suspect my mom is also an 4n4rex1c

[alienwasagoodmovie]

reasons to lose that extra weight;

you won’t be insecure about your body

your face will look slimmer

you’ll be able to wear whatever you want

you won’t have the need to hide your body

you’ll be able to eat in front of people without feeling guilty

you will not have the need to suck in your belly anymore

you will be prettier, softer, lighter, more liked, confident, people will notice you more!

you won’t be the fat friend anymore!

your thighs won’t rub together every time you walk!

[alienwasagoodmovie]

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before & after inspo

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Skipped breakfast, ate half of my lunch, I’m on tumblr trying to resist my cravings for 2 more hours. Then I’m having a small dinner.

I should study I have a mid term exam tomorrow :(

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Diet for Halloween (21.10-31.10)

I need to lose 4-5 Kg till Halloween so I'm going on a extreme diet temporarily I saw it in a Korean diet vlog and many shared good experiences with this diet most lost (3-6kg) through it!

Got breakfast:

1x banana and soy milk coffee (126 Cal)

Dinner:

x2 eggs x1 tomato (188 cals)

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Black coffee time

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Same

my legs are seriously annoying me they look so big ☠️

[alienwasagoodmovie]

I want my ribs to show and my thighs to not touch

[alienwasagoodmovie]

My mom bought me new jeans back in August.

Those jeans are huge on me now <3

I’m still wearing them every day cause I love the oversized look and the fact that my mom gifted them to me even though she’s struggling with money, I will never let go of them

[alienwasagoodmovie]

My panties are no longer tight yay!

[alienwasagoodmovie]

I have a medical appointment to treat my hippo- I mean hypothyroidism on November.

I’ll be weighted, I’m so scared, what if I barely did any progress. Not long ago, my doctor told me I could develop diabetes I get so scared and depressive every time I think about it.

I sure lost some weight but is it changing anything? Am I doing enough?

I’ve been trying to eat as clean as possible, I mean whenever I eat.

But I’m afraid that my disease could get worse, I’m afraid of getting diabetes, my grandpa passed from diabetes and I know it’s a disease that is passed from generations to generations. Rest in peace grandpa. It was really painful to see him like that.

I get so immersed into tumblr and romanticizing my ed I sometimes forget why I started doing this to myself. And every time I remember it makes my 4n4 thoughts stronger but my mental health gets flushed away.

I’ve done a good job this past months, I can tell from my clothes and the mirror. I’m actually starting to like my reflection. If this does nothing for my health at least I makes me feel and look prettier, I’m happy I’ve been really strict with myself

[alienwasagoodmovie]

Guys guys guys I can fit on my old jeans!!! They are still tight but I almost there!!!!! I feel so much better about myself