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Though I don’t think, Mama, you can reasonably take credit for making it rain.
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Bingley had never met with pleasanter people or prettier girls in his life; every body had been most kind and attentive to him, there had been no formality, no stiffness; he had soon felt acquainted with all the room; and as to Miss Bennet, he could not conceive an angel more beautiful.
— requested by anonymous.
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Made a set of simple printables, because I was missing some things before the start of the school year.
HABIT TRACKER: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0G5JxeNcPPZemdlRUNGTHFCNk0/view?usp=sharing
THIS WEEK: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0G5JxeNcPPZS08xZlZhRmp1WWc/view?usp=sharing
MEAL PLANNER: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0G5JxeNcPPZYTRvNFFiTW8xLVk/view?usp=sharing
THIS MONTH: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0G5JxeNcPPZc3RnQ2ZLS05GMmM/view?usp=sharing
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Ok so this post is extremely long and I put it all together for my blogs Feeling sad page but as I don’t have a huge amount of followers I realize so many people are not seeing this information so I’m posting it here too!
alternatives without harming yourself:
holding/squeezing ice.
splashing your face with water.
getting a rubber band and snapping it against your skin (this could hurt, though it’s better than other ways that people usually choose to self-harm).
take a hot shower or bath.
eat something sour. it will take your mind of the urge. (lemon, sour lollies)
massage where you want to self-harm.
get a red pen or red paint and draw/paint over where you usually self-harm.
remind yourself as to why you shouldn’t do it. (scars, harms organs, leave memories etc…)
describe what you are feeling. (is the urge/pain in your chest, fists, legs, arms, head).
killing yourself will not help. it is not a solution.
you have your whole life ahead of you. you have so many more years that you can accomplish things in. for example;
having a family.
getting married.
to watch the sun rise.
to watch the sun set.
to save someone else’s life.
finish school.
get your dream job.
to laugh.
to smile.
to go camping.
travel to new places.
to wake up every morning to the person you love.
friends.
family.
to keep that promise you made.
to accomplish a goal.
to meet your idol.
to listen to new music.
theme parks.
video games.
chocolate.
to be able to look back and say “i made it”.
what you’re going through is temporary.
in case you need to hear this:
you are loved.
you are wanted.
you are needed.
you are beautiful.
you are handsome.
you are important.
you are not alone.
you are okay.
you are strong.
you are worth it.
you are smart.
you are not a failure.
you are useful.
you are going to be okay.
———————————————————————————————————
abuse
coping
caring for yourself
domestic abuse
chat rooms
survivors chat
fort refuge
pandy’s
add/adhd
coping
coping tips for attention deficit disorder
12 best tips for coping with adhd
50 tips on the management of adult attention deficit
medication
adhd medication chart: compare drugs for add and adhd
drugs used to treat adhd/add
add/adhd medications: are adhd drugs right for you
adhd medication side effects, drug types, precautions
addiction
coping and recovery
tools of recovery: addiction coping skills
5 ways to deal with urges and cravings
after rehab: 5 ways for addicts to cope
addiction recovery
coping with urges
dealing with cravings
anger
coping
strategies to keep anger at bay
anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper
anger management: tips and techniques
feeling angry
controlling anger — before it controls you
dealing with anger
how to cope with anger
anger management: what works and what doesn’t
ten commandments of anger regulation
anxiety
coping
a list of stress relievers
identifying and managing anxiety
11 assorted anxiety tips for anxiety sufferers
how to work through feelings of isolation
tips and tricks for dealing with anxiety
anti-stress breathing tips
how to stay under control with severe social anxiety
coping with social anxiety
managing stress
how to help a friend with anxiety
help guide (therapy)
half of us
job interviews and social anxiety
dealing with anxiety
coping with test anxiety
tips for flying anxiety
grounding techniques
more grounding techniques
even more grounding techniques
mindfulness
belly breathing
living with anxiety
social anxiety disorder self help tips.
coping with flashbacks
what anxious racing thoughts are like for me
using a thought diary
panic attacks
how to handle panic attacks
exploring and coping with panic attacks
10 rules for coping with anxiety and panic
tips to cope with panic attacks
rules for coping with anxiety and panic
understanding and coping with panic attacks
understanding and helping panic attacks and panic disorders
help guide (panic attacks & panic disorder)
coping with panic attacks workbook
rules for coping with panic
panic attack workbook 2
medication
help guide (anxiety medicine)
common medications for anxiety disorders
guidelines for medication use
bipolar disorder
coping
bipolar disorder and self-help
living with bipolar disorder
how to deal with bipolar disorder without medication
10 ways to cope with bipolar disorder
coping skills
help guide (self help)
bipolar support tumblr
medication
help guide (bipolar disorder medication guide)
help guide (treatment)
chat rooms
healthfulchat
bipolar world
healing well
depression
coping
how to cope with depression
how to cope with depression 1
natural depression treatments
ways to deal with depression/stress
tips to help overcome loneliness
10 tips on how to work through feelings of social isolation
8 tips to overcome loneliness
ways to deal with depression/stress
having a bad day?
make a comfort box
10 things to do when you feel like crap
how to find a new normal in the middle of depression
you are not alone in the way you think you are
reasons to stay alive
how to stop trying to think yourself into happiness and actually arrive there
cheer me up
help guide (dealing with depression)
help guide (helping someone with depression)
medication
what to expect with antidepressants
finding the right anti-depressant
chat room
healthfulchat
healing well
eating disorders
recovery
281 reasons to recover
eating disorders and emotional eating test
relapse prevention
bloating, indigestion, & feeling too full
why you must eat
learning to love your body
tips to stop restricting
dealing with weight gain
10 steps to bulimia recovery workbook
coping with exercise addiction
tips to help with bulimia recovery
help guide (emotional eating)
help guide (binge eating)
help guide (bulimia)
help guide (helping someone with an eating disorder)
help guide (treatment and recovery)
stop hating your body
body positive zone
self care 101
self esteem
30 day self esteem challenge
developing positive self esteem
learning-to-love-yourself
something fishy
ways of coping with eating disordered behaviors
the addiction help center
friends with illness
how to deal/talk with bipolar and depressed people
what to do when your friend is talking about suicide
what to do if someone you know is overdosing
what to do if your friend is hurting themselves
how to help someone who is suicidal
here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide
tips for looking after someone with depression
friends with metal illness?
what to do when someone is suicidal
help guide (helping someone with depression)
grief and loss
help guide (coping with a breakup or divorce)
help guide (coping with grief & loss)
help guide (coping with pet loss)
help guide (supporting a grieving person)
help guide (the five stages of grief)
ocd
coping and treatment
natural treatment options
treatments for obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd)
additional treatment options for ocd
residential treatment for ocd
medications for obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd)
a new relationship to your obsessions
how to find help for ocd
ocd: exposure therapy versus medication
cognitive therapy for ocd
chat rooms
healthfulchat
ocd-uk
perfectionism
coping
how to overcome perfectionism
learn to manage perfectionism
how to overcome perfectionism & procrastination
perfectionism - stress management
10 steps to conquer perfectionism
perfectionists coping with failure
ptsd
coping
coping with flashbacks
self help strategies for ptsd
coping with traumatic stress reactions
post-traumatic stress - self-help guide
understanding and coping with ptsd
coping with ptsd
schizophrenia
coping
living with schizophrenia
coping with schizophrenia
schizophrenia coping and recovery
schizophrenia: coping with delusions and hallucinations
paranoid schizophrenia coping and support
treatment
an introduction to the treatment of schizophrenia
treatment of schizophrenia
drugs to treat schizophrenia
common drugs and medications to treat schizophrenia
treating schizophrenia successfully
self-harm
cut something that’s not real skin
half of us
help guide
recover your life
self-injury outreach & support
how to care for cuts
resisting cutting
25 ways to avoid self injury and prevent self harm
tips to help stop cutting
99 coping skills: things to do instead of cutting
what to do when someone sees
how to fade/cover scars
alternatives for cutting 1
alternatives for cutting 2
alternatives for cutting 3
alternatives for cutting 4
alternatives for cutting 5
self-love
how to stop putting yourself down
self confidence
how to improve your self-esteem
how to be ok with yourself
tips on self-love
confidence
learn to love yourself
when told you are not pretty
emergency compliment
lessons for self-love
suicide
coping with suicidal thought
what to do when someone is suicidal
how to help someone who is suicidal
here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide
help guide (suicide prevention)
help guide (dealing with suicidal thoughts & feelings)
therapy
how to get free therapy
getting a therapist - a brief step-by-step
psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?
50 signs of good therapy
50 warning signs of questionable therapy
———————————————————————————————————
the quiet place
things to do when you feel bad
when you’re not having a good day
reminders
self care suggestions
take a break
the thoughts room
90 second relaxation
the dawn room
the comfort spot
control a rainstorm
calm
how to make changes in your life
imalive
crisischat
7 cups of tea
kids help phone
positive love network
trans lifeline: 877-565-8860
depression hotline: 1-630-482-9696
suicide hotline: 1-800-784-8433
lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
trevor project: 1-866-488-7386
sexuality support: 1-800-246-7743
eating disorders hotline: 1-847-831-3438
rape and sexual assault: 1-800-656-4673
grief support: 1-650-321-5272
runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
exhale: after abortion hotline/pro-voice: 1-866-439-4253
220K notes
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Text
Ok so this post is extremely long and I put it all together for my blogs Feeling sad page but as I don’t have a huge amount of followers I realize so many people are not seeing this information so I’m posting it here too!
alternatives without harming yourself:
holding/squeezing ice.
splashing your face with water.
getting a rubber band and snapping it against your skin (this could hurt, though it’s better than other ways that people usually choose to self-harm).
take a hot shower or bath.
eat something sour. it will take your mind of the urge. (lemon, sour lollies)
massage where you want to self-harm.
get a red pen or red paint and draw/paint over where you usually self-harm.
remind yourself as to why you shouldn’t do it. (scars, harms organs, leave memories etc…)
describe what you are feeling. (is the urge/pain in your chest, fists, legs, arms, head).
killing yourself will not help. it is not a solution.
you have your whole life ahead of you. you have so many more years that you can accomplish things in. for example;
having a family.
getting married.
to watch the sun rise.
to watch the sun set.
to save someone else’s life.
finish school.
get your dream job.
to laugh.
to smile.
to go camping.
travel to new places.
to wake up every morning to the person you love.
friends.
family.
to keep that promise you made.
to accomplish a goal.
to meet your idol.
to listen to new music.
theme parks.
video games.
chocolate.
to be able to look back and say “i made it”.
what you’re going through is temporary.
in case you need to hear this:
you are loved.
you are wanted.
you are needed.
you are beautiful.
you are handsome.
you are important.
you are not alone.
you are okay.
you are strong.
you are worth it.
you are smart.
you are not a failure.
you are useful.
you are going to be okay.
———————————————————————————————————
abuse
coping
caring for yourself
domestic abuse
chat rooms
survivors chat
fort refuge
pandy’s
add/adhd
coping
coping tips for attention deficit disorder
12 best tips for coping with adhd
50 tips on the management of adult attention deficit
medication
adhd medication chart: compare drugs for add and adhd
drugs used to treat adhd/add
add/adhd medications: are adhd drugs right for you
adhd medication side effects, drug types, precautions
addiction
coping and recovery
tools of recovery: addiction coping skills
5 ways to deal with urges and cravings
after rehab: 5 ways for addicts to cope
addiction recovery
coping with urges
dealing with cravings
anger
coping
strategies to keep anger at bay
anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper
anger management: tips and techniques
feeling angry
controlling anger — before it controls you
dealing with anger
how to cope with anger
anger management: what works and what doesn’t
ten commandments of anger regulation
anxiety
coping
a list of stress relievers
identifying and managing anxiety
11 assorted anxiety tips for anxiety sufferers
how to work through feelings of isolation
tips and tricks for dealing with anxiety
anti-stress breathing tips
how to stay under control with severe social anxiety
coping with social anxiety
managing stress
how to help a friend with anxiety
help guide (therapy)
half of us
job interviews and social anxiety
dealing with anxiety
coping with test anxiety
tips for flying anxiety
grounding techniques
more grounding techniques
even more grounding techniques
mindfulness
belly breathing
living with anxiety
social anxiety disorder self help tips.
coping with flashbacks
what anxious racing thoughts are like for me
using a thought diary
panic attacks
how to handle panic attacks
exploring and coping with panic attacks
10 rules for coping with anxiety and panic
tips to cope with panic attacks
rules for coping with anxiety and panic
understanding and coping with panic attacks
understanding and helping panic attacks and panic disorders
help guide (panic attacks & panic disorder)
coping with panic attacks workbook
rules for coping with panic
panic attack workbook 2
medication
help guide (anxiety medicine)
common medications for anxiety disorders
guidelines for medication use
bipolar disorder
coping
bipolar disorder and self-help
living with bipolar disorder
how to deal with bipolar disorder without medication
10 ways to cope with bipolar disorder
coping skills
help guide (self help)
bipolar support tumblr
medication
help guide (bipolar disorder medication guide)
help guide (treatment)
chat rooms
healthfulchat
bipolar world
healing well
depression
coping
how to cope with depression
how to cope with depression 1
natural depression treatments
ways to deal with depression/stress
tips to help overcome loneliness
10 tips on how to work through feelings of social isolation
8 tips to overcome loneliness
ways to deal with depression/stress
having a bad day?
make a comfort box
10 things to do when you feel like crap
how to find a new normal in the middle of depression
you are not alone in the way you think you are
reasons to stay alive
how to stop trying to think yourself into happiness and actually arrive there
cheer me up
help guide (dealing with depression)
help guide (helping someone with depression)
medication
what to expect with antidepressants
finding the right anti-depressant
chat room
healthfulchat
healing well
eating disorders
recovery
281 reasons to recover
eating disorders and emotional eating test
relapse prevention
bloating, indigestion, & feeling too full
why you must eat
learning to love your body
tips to stop restricting
dealing with weight gain
10 steps to bulimia recovery workbook
coping with exercise addiction
tips to help with bulimia recovery
help guide (emotional eating)
help guide (binge eating)
help guide (bulimia)
help guide (helping someone with an eating disorder)
help guide (treatment and recovery)
stop hating your body
body positive zone
self care 101
self esteem
30 day self esteem challenge
developing positive self esteem
learning-to-love-yourself
something fishy
ways of coping with eating disordered behaviors
the addiction help center
friends with illness
how to deal/talk with bipolar and depressed people
what to do when your friend is talking about suicide
what to do if someone you know is overdosing
what to do if your friend is hurting themselves
how to help someone who is suicidal
here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide
tips for looking after someone with depression
friends with metal illness?
what to do when someone is suicidal
help guide (helping someone with depression)
grief and loss
help guide (coping with a breakup or divorce)
help guide (coping with grief & loss)
help guide (coping with pet loss)
help guide (supporting a grieving person)
help guide (the five stages of grief)
ocd
coping and treatment
natural treatment options
treatments for obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd)
additional treatment options for ocd
residential treatment for ocd
medications for obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd)
a new relationship to your obsessions
how to find help for ocd
ocd: exposure therapy versus medication
cognitive therapy for ocd
chat rooms
healthfulchat
ocd-uk
perfectionism
coping
how to overcome perfectionism
learn to manage perfectionism
how to overcome perfectionism & procrastination
perfectionism - stress management
10 steps to conquer perfectionism
perfectionists coping with failure
ptsd
coping
coping with flashbacks
self help strategies for ptsd
coping with traumatic stress reactions
post-traumatic stress - self-help guide
understanding and coping with ptsd
coping with ptsd
schizophrenia
coping
living with schizophrenia
coping with schizophrenia
schizophrenia coping and recovery
schizophrenia: coping with delusions and hallucinations
paranoid schizophrenia coping and support
treatment
an introduction to the treatment of schizophrenia
treatment of schizophrenia
drugs to treat schizophrenia
common drugs and medications to treat schizophrenia
treating schizophrenia successfully
self-harm
cut something that’s not real skin
half of us
help guide
recover your life
self-injury outreach & support
how to care for cuts
resisting cutting
25 ways to avoid self injury and prevent self harm
tips to help stop cutting
99 coping skills: things to do instead of cutting
what to do when someone sees
how to fade/cover scars
alternatives for cutting 1
alternatives for cutting 2
alternatives for cutting 3
alternatives for cutting 4
alternatives for cutting 5
self-love
how to stop putting yourself down
self confidence
how to improve your self-esteem
how to be ok with yourself
tips on self-love
confidence
learn to love yourself
when told you are not pretty
emergency compliment
lessons for self-love
suicide
coping with suicidal thought
what to do when someone is suicidal
how to help someone who is suicidal
here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide
help guide (suicide prevention)
help guide (dealing with suicidal thoughts & feelings)
therapy
how to get free therapy
getting a therapist - a brief step-by-step
psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?
50 signs of good therapy
50 warning signs of questionable therapy
———————————————————————————————————
the quiet place
things to do when you feel bad
when you’re not having a good day
reminders
self care suggestions
take a break
the thoughts room
90 second relaxation
the dawn room
the comfort spot
control a rainstorm
calm
how to make changes in your life
imalive
crisischat
7 cups of tea
kids help phone
positive love network
trans lifeline: 877-565-8860
depression hotline: 1-630-482-9696
suicide hotline: 1-800-784-8433
lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
trevor project: 1-866-488-7386
sexuality support: 1-800-246-7743
eating disorders hotline: 1-847-831-3438
rape and sexual assault: 1-800-656-4673
grief support: 1-650-321-5272
runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
exhale: after abortion hotline/pro-voice: 1-866-439-4253
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Floating bridge in Shi-zi-guan, Hubei Province, China.
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TIPS FOR LEARNING A LANGUAGE
Your brain has no word limit. “Memorise every word you encounter” That’s not a requirement, that’s an impossible goal you should set for yourself. Learning vocabulary is like a plate that slowly turns into a bowl the more water you pour in it(weird metaphor I know but bear with me). You can learn 100 words and you’ll quickly forget a lot of them. You can learn 10 words and you’ll quickly forget some of them. But learning 30 words out of 100 is much better than learning 8 out of 10(you feel me?). The plate will overfill regardless of how much water you pour in there, so just pour as much as you can and turn that sucker into a bowl.
Simply put: The more you learn, the easier it gets to learn.
There’s no such thing as a useless word. Vehicle. Spaceship. Run. Skedaddle. Are all important words. Never ignore a word because you think it’s useless. It’ll come to you, maybe in the next test, maybe in a conversation with a stranger, maybe written in scary red paint on the wall of a sketchy neighbourhood telling you to skedaddle. You need it.
Speak your target language*duh*. *Imagine if you will, you’re in France with little to no vocabulary. You walk into a hotel, worried as to how you’re gonna communicate with the person at the desk. As soon as your eyes meet he greets you saying in the most fluent english accent “Hello there! How may I help you?” You sigh a sigh of relief, however you remember that you’re in France, you’re committed to learning the French language. You take a deep breath and respond with “Salut! je maple Timothy je want une casa” Now obviously there’s so much wrong there. But it’s so much better than speaking english because you’ll learn what a room is, and you’ll even learn a word in Spanish.
You’ll embarrass yourself in conversations. No advice here just telling you a fact. A Chinese guy once asked me if I understood something and I simply replied with “I am bread” So yeah good luck.
Idioms. Learn them. They’re awesome.
Think in target language. Weird I know. But seriously if you know how to think a sentence in your target language, do it. You’ll be more comfortable saying it and you’ll revise what you’ve learnt. As well as discover what you forgot.
Lie. When it’s harmless. Try telling a taxi driver you’re Sri Lankan see where that takes you. Unless you are Sri Lankan in which case you’re Cambodian. Say you married an Austrian pilot, or own a pet rock, or maybe related to the queen. You’ll have much more fun and useful conversations. (P.s. If you’re half-Sri Lankan half-Cambodian you are officially Martian.)
Helpful Apps:
HiNative: Allows you to ask native speakers what something means, how it’s used, whether your sentence is correct, or simply any question you have about said language or even culture.
Flashcards: Pretty self explanatory. Make your own flashcards, one side in your language, one side in target language. Perfect in revising words. You can also download decks that other people have created and made public. Obviously you can use it for other subjects too.
HelloTalk: Texting people of target language who want to learn your native language. Help each other learn each other’s language and has great features for correcting sentences and grammar.
(dictionary): No that’s not the name of the app. Having google translate is helpful and all but try finding a language specific App(e.g French to English). It’s also good to have a dictionary. All words. Easily accessible. Works offline. (For Chinese that App is Pleco)
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Я так устала от социальных сетей
Такая херня, Господи
Инстаграм заебал
Контакт тоже
И Ютьюб, в кой то веке
Просто все надоело
Вся эта культура
А можно без этого?
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03.02.2019
Help me. Please help me.
I know I sound like a kid or .. idk
Just please come and save me. Please.
I just can't more. I can't do it more .
I imagine you a lot recently.
And it's always the ways we meet for the first time.
I wish it be real. I wish it really happened.
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yooo it’s me again with part two of my reference masterpost, now focusing on life in general a little bit more (see part one for more school-based things)! enjoy ✨
health + food
food masterpost
stress relief
self-care tag
infused waters
staying healthy in college
some exercise for weight loss
cheap food to make
bad days
feel better
got sick?
studying with a cold
studying sick
periods
study munchies
managing stress during finals
getting up early
self-care reminders
overcoming burnout
getting better rest
getting enough sleep
wake up early
reduce exam stress
avoiding burnout
manage and reduce stress
getting a good night’s sleep
food
study breaks (1)
study breaks (2)
make the most of your day
time to sleep
it’s coffee o’clock
it’s time for tea
how to have a good morning
staying awake w/o caffeine
what to eat while studying
waking up early and refreshed
presentations
ace the individual oral presentation
make a great powerpoint
class presentations + public speaking
public speaking tips
how to rock public speaking
how to do presentations when you suck at them
how to: public speaking
debate tips
music
my 8tracks
my spotify
melodic studying
ambient noise
music according to your mood
filling silence
study sounds (1)
study sounds (2)
harry potter study music
study music
summers + holidays
how to stay productive during holidays
summer productivity (1)
summer productivity (2)
keep your brain working on holidays
make the most of christmas holidays
planning for breaks/holidays
stay productive during winter break
journals + notebooks
travel journals
bullet journals (1)
bullet journals (2)
bullet journals (3)
bullet journaling (1)
bullet journaling (2)
bullet journal tips
bullet journals vs. planners
bullet journals vs. diary planners
bullet journal page/list ideas
what to do w/ notebooks (1)
what to do w/ notebooks (2)
why it’s good to keep a journal
the everything book
diy notebooks
websites + apps
really great apps
best iphone apps
useful school websites
subjects + problems website
learn things for free
15 websites that will make you smarter
a website that grades your essays
wallpaper
wallpaper masterpost
educational youtube channels
online courses + a guide
succeeding in online classes
apps everyone should have
printables tag
printables mp
useful websites to help you study
planning + to-do apps
study apps
apps for studying
study apps + extensions
30 websites to kill boredom
life in general
what do i do with my life?
jobs tag
get your life back on track
things no one tells you about getting an apartment
organisation
get organised
money
jobs + careers
things i wish i knew before i started ‘adulting’
save money on food in college
diy!
discounts for your student id
how to take studyblr photos
how to choose a career
making masterposts
college students
muslim studyblr masterpost
hope you liked both of the masterposts! please check out my study instagram and part one of this masterpost, ily all!!
ps here is a list of all my masterposts just in case 🐝
- helena xx
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reasons to work on getting thin <3
not my pic!
🌹 people would always compliment me about it
🌹 I could take cute pics of myself and even be able to post them on instagram!!
🌹 I would feel pretty in every kind of clothing bcs thin people look good in everything
🌹 I could do all fun stuff that I cant do now, example go to swimming bcs I’m too ashamed of my body
🌹 people would carry me and I could sit on someone’s lap without being too heavy
🌹 I could be someones thinspo!!!!
🌹 I could touch my flat stomach and feel my ribs and hip bones clearly
🌹 I dont have/my family doesnt have to use that much money on food if I eat so little
🌹 I wouldnt get that disgusting feeling of stomach being full ever bcs I wont eat
🌹 I would be happier in general
🌹 I would have more friends bcs lets be honest, pretty people always have friends
🌹 I could look at the mirror and finally be happy with myself and my body!!
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Безумно сильная и срочная потребнось в возообновлении ведении мною блога.
Понемногу начинаю придумывать для себя смысл существования в будущем. Единственное, пока не до конца уверена в его воплощении. И не определилась со спецификой. Однако, на данный момент это самое яркое занятие, которое, как мне кажется, сможет мне приносить удовольствие и будет интересным.
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Я думала, стоит ли мне вообще начинать это сейчас писать. Три утра..
Просто я чувствую, что я.. Способна на что-то большее и что-то важное. На что-то, что может приносить пользу людям. Но что именно является этим большим и важным?
Из-за фильмов, видео, жизненной ситуации.. Я в таком положении сейчас. Как же странно это, на самом деле. Во мне как будто бы очень много энергии, которая не дает мне заснуть. И я не уверена, что сейчас может помочь мне выплеснуть ее. Планирую сходить после пробуждения в зал, может, хотя бы не такой напряженной буду. Но тут дело не только в такой физической силе. Просто руки чешутся что-то сделать. Но я пока не могу понять - что.
Определенно точно мне нравится тот факт, что я совершенствуюсь в одном очень важном для меня аспекте. Регулярность занятий все решает.
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Мне есть, что сказать.
Раньше я писала, что пропаду. И я пропала. Сегодня несколько человек, с которыми я пересеклась на работе, начинали диалог с фраз ‘Куда ты пропала?’ и ‘Я пыталась/пытался тебе написать, но тебя нет в вк, а в инстаграме ты не отвечаешь’. Приятнее всего оказалась встреча с Эрболом. Все таки, он важный для меня человек. Но именно из-за этого я и не могу больше общаться ни с ним, ни с кем другим.
Я не пошла на банкет. Я не хочу ни с кем говорить. Я не хочу никого видеть. Как я говорила много раз, либо все, либо ничего. И я сейчас выбрала второй вариант. Не знаю, зачем я тут пишу, учитывая, что нигде больше нет ссылок на блог и никто это не прочитает.. Для себя пишу. Потому что больше не могу писать ни в один дневник. Они все заняты. А сжечь я не могу их.. Не могу.
Сейчас 3 часа ночи, 1-е августа. Я на протяжении двух часов пыталась заснуть, но безуспешно. Все, что было в моей голове, это картинки из прошлого и слишком яркие воспоминания, которые я впервые за долгое время позволила себе вспомнить.
Все еще больно. Считай, уже 4 месяца прошло.
И еще я поняла одну вещь. Я теперь.. Больше никому, кроме своей единственной лучшей подруги, - не доверяю. И не думаю, что скоро смогу доверять.
У меня сейчас дикое желание выйти на улицу и подышать свежим воздухом. Но в то же время я очень устала и у меня болят колени от частых походов в зал.
Как же глупо. Я не хочу, чтобы обо мне кто-то что-либо знал. Но одновременно мне не хватает того, что я делилась с людьми чем-то.
Все это время я не ощущала себя одинокой, потому что наслаждалась временем и свободой. И тем, как долго я могу молчать и ни с кем вообще не говорить.
Мне кажется, что некоторым людям это чувство вообще не знакомо. Я с момента возвращения с Китая ни с кем не виделась. Ни с кем. Не выходила на связь ни с кем, кроме пары людей, потому что связывало что-то, например, нужно было что-то отдать или забрать. Я ни с кем не гуляла. Только одна. Думаю, что мне больше не отвыкнуть от воспоминаний в центре. Я каждый раз еду туда, и не могу не вспоминать. Было бы здорово, если бы я уехала. Ну, скоро мне и не придется так часто в центр ездить. Работа теперь не там, а учеба на красной ветке ближе к низу левой стороны.
Пусто. Я ощущаю пустоту. И из-за того, что сегодня я увидела.. Людей, которых я бы мечтала никогда больше не видеть.. Снова ощутила то, что чувствовала до Китая.
Снова наступило время, когда я не улыбаюсь. Почти.. Лишь тогда, когда говорю с Аней или слушаю ее слова. Но то, как я улыбалась пару месяцев назад, как я смеялась.. Интересно, сколько времени пройдет, прежде чем я найду кого-то, с кем могу смеяться. Хотя бы смеяться.
Опять чувствую себя камушком без эмоций. Потому что все время одна.
Зачем я вообще сегодня пошла вечером? Почему не днем? Я не должна была никого лишнего видеть. Не должна была.
Не понимаю, что происходит. Не понимаю, почему в ��оей голове до сих пор мысли о человеке, которого уже давно нет рядом. Почему? И я ничего не могу с этим поделать. Был период, славный период, когда я не думала об этом. Когда я была лишь увлечена Китаем, а после него другими вещами. А потом что-то.. Всплыло, и снова началось.
Я не знаю, что я чувствую. Меня определенно предали. Я определенно злилась. Но сейчас я не злюсь. Не знаю, почему. Как-то просто смирилась с этим фактом предательства.
И то, о чем я писала чуть выше, что не смогу кому-то довериться.. Я боюсь. Мне страшно, честно. Потому что я не хочу быть опять преданной. Поэтому, я думаю, я не смогу никому больше так довериться.
Недавно я резала помидор очень острым ножом. И случайно порезалась. Было больно. И потом все оставшееся время мне было стремно резать помидорку, потому что я боялась опять порезаться. Тут тоже самое.
Только в данном случае это чувство такое сильное, что я даже не могу поверить в это. Я просто боюсь теперь говорить с людьми. Я боюсь делиться вещами.
Одной из причин, почему я не осталась со всеми сегодня, потому что я не хотела ничего рассказывать. Я даже боялась, что меня перебьют и не станут слушать. Кстати, так и случилось. Я просто ушла после этого.
Так глупо..
Почему я так чувствительна? Почему я так чутка на все это?
А еще.. Мне через 2 дня исполнится 20.
И я буду в одиночестве. Снова. Как и все предыдущие 5 лет.
Приборка, зал, прогулка, вечером услышу поздравления от семьи, поедим торт, спать. И вот мне уже 20.
Интересно, как люди вообще празднуют этот день?
Мне кажется, я от мира всего.
Просто обособленный от всех крошечный организм, который даже не знает, как толком функционировать в обществе.
Офигеть, я только сейчас осознала. Я и вправду все это время была одна.
Сейчас у меня не получается спать. Поэтому я продолжаю писать тут. В пустоту.
Если это кто-то и прочтет, то потом, позднее. И то едва ли.
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A needle felted #puppy . It has one folded ear. Based on the inset image.
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Приготовила все же лапшу
И отдала брату
Кусок в горло не лезет
..
Я пропаду и обо мне никто не будет вспоминать
Не вернусь ни к каким людям
Не буду общаться ни с кем с работы
Оставлю только почтовый адрес
И, может быть, если я кому-нибудь когда-нибудь понадоблюсь, мне напишут
Но у меня странное ощущение, что ничего не будет
Ладно, все к лучшему
Сегодня последний день, когда я еще захожу в вк и пишу сюда
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