agentpenis

[agentpenis]

OOC Post!

Incorrect Quotes from Agency and co.

Lemme know if you guys would want more!

Roxy: *seductively takes off glasses*

Roxy: Wow...

Anna: *blushes* Haha... what?

Roxy: You're really fucking blurry.

Reggie: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Anna recently.

Phoenix: No, Reggie, it's not what it looks like, I swear.

Reggie: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Phoenix: No! You’re the only one for me.

Reggie: Is that so?

Phoenix: I promise! Anna and I are just dating, okay? They’re my partner.

Reggie: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Phoenix: You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more!

Reggie: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Phoenix: Of course bro!

Reggie: Bro...

Anna: What the-

Roxy, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Anna, confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

Phoenix: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?

Roxy: No. No, Phoenix, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Phoenix calls Juniper. Number five: Anna gets eaten by a shark.

Anna: I’m Anna, and I approve the order of that list.

Anna: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.

Phoenix: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Phoenix: You need a hobby.

Roxy: I have a hobby!

Phoenix: Fawning over Anna isn’t a hobby.

Phoenix: Hey, Anna, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

Anna: Yeah.

Phoenix: And you, Roxy?

Roxy: Umm... yes?

Phoenix: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

Roxy: Did they just-

Phoenix: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds?

Roxy: Yes?

Phoenix: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days.

Roxy: Fuck.

Phoenix: It's gonna be a fun week!

Roxy: I'm going to Reggie's house.

Phoenix: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.

Roxy: Talk dirty to me~

Phoenix: Inflation is a serious problem and lumber prices are at a high.

Roxy: Wha-

Phoenix: The economy is in shambles.

Anna: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Roxy: Wow. They sound stupid.

Anna: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Roxy: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Anna: I guess you’re right. Hey Roxy, I love you.

Roxy: See! Just say that!

Anna: Holy fucking shit.

Roxy: If that flies over their head then, sorry Anna, but they're too dumb for you.

Anna: Roxy.

Reggie: Why would you give a knife to Phoenix?!

Anna, shrugging: Phoenix felt unsafe.

Reggie: Now I feel unsafe!

Anna: I’m sorry…

Anna: Would you like a knife?

Anna, Entering Roxy's room: Phoenix did it again.

Roxy: Peace disturbance?

Anna: What no-

Roxy: Arson..?

Anna: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-

Roxy: uh....Attempted murder?

Anna: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Reggie: And what did we learn, Phoenix?

Phoenix: Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.

Roxy, near tears: I have the sex appeal of a math book!

Phoenix: I don’t know, dude, I’ve never met anyone that opened a math book and didn’t say “fuck me”.

Phoenix: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff.

Reggie: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Roxy, pointing at Phoenix: Are they a Freak (derogatory)?

Roxy, pointing at Anna: Or a Freak (affectionate)?

Reggie: Why not both?

Roxy, to Reggie: You’re so right, Freak (double-edged sword)!

Phoenix: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads.

Reggie: Yeah, it’s a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off.

Anna: Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We’re safe now.

Roxy: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

Phoenix: I hope no one lowkey hates me.

Phoenix: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Phoenix: Go big or go home.

Roxy: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Anna: It was me...

Roxy: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Phoenix: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

Roxy: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.

Reggie: And I need you to be less vague and weird.

Roxy: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Phoenix.

Anna: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.

Roxy: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Reggie: When I was your age-

Roxy, mocking Reggie: When I was your height.

Reggie:

Reggie: Listen here you little shit-

Anna: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Phoenix: The cow??

Anna: What?

Reggie: Phoenix, W H Y?

Roxy: How did you even get in here?

Phoenix: Anna's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Phoenix's door"!

Anna: I’m closing the window.

Reggie: I made tea.

Roxy: I don't want tea.

Reggie: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.

Roxy: Then why did you tell me?

Reggie: It's a conversation starter.

Roxy: It's a horrible conversation starter.

Reggie: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Roxy: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people-opener”?

Phoenix:

Phoenix: …Should I not have?

Phoenix: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Phoenix: You’ve got to learn to love yourself.

Roxy: But don't you hate yourself.

Phoenix: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

Phoenix: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse.

Phoenix: *casually taking four stairs at a time*

Reggie, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

Reggie: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

Reggie, to Phoenix: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.

Phoenix: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.

Reggie: You just told me you're pregnant.

Roxy: Congratulations Phoenix, you're glowing!

Anna: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number.

Roxy: So, what’s Anna's type?

Phoenix: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover.

Roxy: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.

Phoenix: Did I mention oblivious?

Roxy: Yeah, why?

Phoenix: Okay, just making sure.

Anna: Say no to drugs.

Anna: Say yes to drugs.

Anna: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs... then you're on drugs.

Anna: Do you think I’m ugly?

Roxy: It’s not about looks, Anna. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Anna: Roxy...

Roxy: For example, someone's heart.

Anna: Aw... Stop it-

Roxy: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Anna: Seriously, stop.

Roxy: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Anna: Okay.

Roxy: And make out during the scary parts.

Anna: Th-

Anna: The scary parts.

Anna: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Roxy, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Anna, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Reggie: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Roxy: Playing systemic oppression.

Roxy: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

[agentpenis]

[agentpenis]

Absolutely. At least, I know that’s the case for Roz and I’s Roxy.

*sneaks into your vents and drags a knife through all your heating systems*

Hope you like the cold, cause I think I see a storm on the brink. Now tell me where Anna is or I'll explode the systems throughout this whole building.

@agent--shadow

Ha! No. That will not be happening. Go ahead, blow up that building, it’s disposable to me. We finally have her back, we will not be giving her over so easily.

[agentpenis]

I honestly think Anna is safer with her than with us.

*sneaks into your vents and drags a knife through all your heating systems*

Hope you like the cold, cause I think I see a storm on the brink. Now tell me where Anna is or I'll explode the systems throughout this whole building.

@agent--shadow

Ha! No. That will not be happening. Go ahead, blow up that building, it’s disposable to me. We finally have her back, we will not be giving her over so easily.

[agentpenis]

Like I said, for the simple reason that it fucks over Zoraxis.

*sneaks into your vents and drags a knife through all your heating systems*

Hope you like the cold, cause I think I see a storm on the brink. Now tell me where Anna is or I'll explode the systems throughout this whole building.

@agent--shadow

Ha! No. That will not be happening. Go ahead, blow up that building, it’s disposable to me. We finally have her back, we will not be giving her over so easily.

[agentpenis]

Dr. Prism.

*sneaks into your vents and drags a knife through all your heating systems*

Hope you like the cold, cause I think I see a storm on the brink. Now tell me where Anna is or I'll explode the systems throughout this whole building.

@agent--shadow

Ha! No. That will not be happening. Go ahead, blow up that building, it’s disposable to me. We finally have her back, we will not be giving her over so easily.

[agentpenis]

Well, there’s only one person I know of who wants to fuck over Zoraxis as badly as we do, and is capable of it.

*sneaks into your vents and drags a knife through all your heating systems*

Hope you like the cold, cause I think I see a storm on the brink. Now tell me where Anna is or I'll explode the systems throughout this whole building.

@agent--shadow

Ha! No. That will not be happening. Go ahead, blow up that building, it’s disposable to me. We finally have her back, we will not be giving her over so easily.

[agentpenis]

I think I know who might’ve taken her…

*sneaks into your vents and drags a knife through all your heating systems*

Hope you like the cold, cause I think I see a storm on the brink. Now tell me where Anna is or I'll explode the systems throughout this whole building.

@agent--shadow

Ha! No. That will not be happening. Go ahead, blow up that building, it’s disposable to me. We finally have her back, we will not be giving her over so easily.

[agentpenis]

Hey! No one invited me?! I’m the one that’s FROM this universe!

Hey Roz! Anything new lately? How're the traps working so far? Still have those agents locked up somewhere?

Been cooped up in the office! Nice to receive some communication though! Yeah, traps are working wonders, we’ve got by my estimate half of the Agency’s active operatives under lock and key at the moment.

[agentpenis]

…I just like watching things burn.

The elusive Agent Phoenix.

...Observed burning one of our outposts to the ground, and destroying years of research.

[agentpenis]

Hey, how’d you get that picture?! Every security camera was on fire!

The elusive Agent Phoenix.

...Observed burning one of our outposts to the ground, and destroying years of research.

[agentpenis]

Hello everyone! My name is Rosalind, but you can call me Roz. I’m a head supervisor at Zoraxis! Zor asked me to start this blog for them, so I can answer any questions people might have for them. Don’t be afraid to ask something! I know I seem like I’d be really scary, since I tell people like the Fabricator and Solaris what to do, but I promise I’m super nice. As for all you who fancy yourself an Agent Phoenix, I've got my eye on you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it sounds like Fabby and Solaris are fighting again.

OOC: If you weren't sure, this is an rp blog for my version of Zor. Roz is the name she goes by as an undercover pseudonym so that she can interact with others, all the while no one knows who Zor really is.

[agentpenis]

EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP

ITS HER BIRTHDAY 💕💕💕💕

[agentpenis]

I love the "Phoenix is actually very good at their job, they just choose to be an absolute gremlin at all times" headcannons because it would be very interesting to see everyone else's reactions to Phoenix not goofing around anymore.

One day Phoenix comes in and instead of cracking a joke or chugging the coffee pot just because they can, they go straight out to the field and don't do a single silly thing. They get in and get out. Don't say a word. Dead serious.

What happened? Is this not Phoenix? Why are they suddenly serious? And... good?

I don't really have a conclusion to this it's just something I've been thinking about

[agentpenis]

flashing trans girls in lesbian bars is so fun. They either get so flustered and cute or they look back with the horniest degen eyes ever. Either way they’re fucking me in the bathroom..

[agentpenis]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: I Expect You To Die (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Roxana Prism/Anna Ulanova, Agent Phoenix/Roxana Prism, Roxana Prism/Anna Ulanova/Agent Phoenix, Agent Phoenix/Anna Ulanova Characters: Roxana Prism, Anna Ulanova, Agent Phoenix (I Expect You To Die), Original Characters Additional Tags: Polyamory, she/her pronouns for Agent Phoenix, Scottish Highlands, Northern California, Post-Canon, Post IEYTD3, russian tea, Lots of blushing, POV Third Person, POV Multiple, penne alla vodka Summary:

When Dr. Roxana Prism learns that Zoraxis has located Anna Ulanova, she heads towards Scotland to warn her of the danger and try to convince her to relocate and when Reginald Crane loses contact with Roxana, he sends Agent Phoenix to investigate.

What happens when these three beautiful women come face to face?

[agentpenis]

@agent-calivide's agent phoenix!

landscape versions:

you can use this for anything as long as credit is shown :)

i cannot for the life of me figure out how to upload a link to a higher quality version but i do have a file on my icloud, if anyone wants a better version and is okay with sharing their email, dm me and i can email the file to you!

-

halfway through colouring the hair, i discovered the halftone texture brush on procreate (makes the comic-style pattern on the hair - click image for more detail) and i may have gone a bit overboard... ah whatever

also i couldn't find a full body drawing of phoenix in her black and red clothes so i chose the newer outfit to draw instead

i like how the hair turned out! i had to tweak the original redder colours because of my personal style but i don't think it's too bad. maybe less dark pink though, that was my agent phoenix's influence.